snark squad | where nostalgia comes to die

Gotham S01 E10 – A better way to hang out.

by Marines December 21, 2014 Gotham
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I truly thought last episode was the last one before winter break, so I resent this episode already.

Alex: Whereas I didn’t even know we were getting a winter break until several days after watching this episode, which was an unexpected and welcome surprise.

Sweeney: It’s hard for me to consider anything Gotham-related a welcome surprise, but I appreciate your optimism. It makes me extra glad we have you around.

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Doctor Who S01 E13 – The Oncoming Storm

by Marines December 20, 2014 Doctor Who
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When I originally wrote my part of this recap, three months ago, this was a lot of squealing about finishing a 13-episode season. Well, that took us a bit longer than anticipated between holidays and relocations and naps and stuff, but still: HOORAY FINISHING EVEN SHORT THINGS! Now, episode:

The Daleks all scream at Rose to predict the Doctor’s next move, since she knows and understands him. She doesn’t tell them that knowing the Doctor means knowing he’s a bit unpredictable. I mean, a wide tooth smile, waving around his sonic screwdriver, a convenient way out of trouble. That’s all I got.

Kirsti: Honey badger don’t need no stinking plan! 

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Charmed S02 E04 – These things cannot be unseen.

by Marines December 20, 2014 Charmed
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We open with a very lame night at P^3. People are leaving because this show is so awful the club is dead.

Prue tells Phoebe that she thinks they are going to have to take up that offer. Phoebe responds, “please tell me about that offer even though we’ve presumably already talked about it off screen!” Apparently, some guy named Chris Barker has offered them a no-interest loan they can pay back anytime. Prue says they aren’t going to tell Piper about it, though, because.

Stephanie: They’re at The Bronze, where you have an 85% chance of dying, but it’s still preferable to this. 

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Veronica Mars S02 E22 – Nothing is a coincidence

by Sweeney December 19, 2014 Season 2
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The finale kicks us off right where we left off, feeling solidly sick to our stomachs as Aaron Echolls leaves the courthouse a free man with adoring fans. Veronica Voice Over sums it up for us: “So this is how it is: the innocent suffer, the guilty go free, and truth and fiction are pretty much interchangeable. There is neither a Santa Clause, nor an Easter Bunny, and there are no angels watching over us. Things just happen for no reason and nothing makes any sense.”

After Aaron finishes smarming it up for the cameras, we cut to Mars Investigations where Keith takes the newspaper away from a very upset Veronica, telling her that however unjust things are, they cannot allow themselves to wallow in it.

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The OC S02 E14 – The horse is too important.

by Catherine December 18, 2014 Season 2
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So, before we begin I feel obligated to inform you all that I have never ever seen a single episode of The O.C. before this episode. My only defense is that IMDb tells me that this episode aired in good ol’ 2005 and I was pretty heavily into my emo phase at that point. I think I considered this show to be ‘preppy’ which is a thing that I would’ve shunned. (M: Fair.) (S: But it had so much music you would have loved! Except you wouldn’t have been able to admit to hearing it via an OC Mix. The struggle.)

This episode starts with lots of previouslies. A lot of stuff has happened to these rich blonde people, you guys. A lot. Of stuff. Namely, something about a DNA test and this 30 year old woman is gonna get adopted? What? She’s clearly 30.

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Dawson’s Creek S03 E05 – Endless dealbreakers

by Kirsti December 18, 2014 Dawson's Creek
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Shrine o’ Spielberg. Due to their sad tragic single status and the fact that it’s apparently a million degrees, movie night’s list of attendees has been reduced to Dawson and Pacey. It may also have something to do with how much they’re sweating. Seriously, it’s gross:

Democracy Diva: For real. They don’t even look like they’re sweating – they just look like they’re covered in baby oil.

K: YES. Which, to be honest, they probably were.

Pacey bemoans the state of their lives, and also how much Indian summer sucks, thereby earning himself a shiny gold star.

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Charmed S02 E03 – Sperm Doodle

by Stephanie December 17, 2014 Charmed
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We open at Buckland where Prue is appraising a tacky painting of a gothic castle. She points out that the composition is unusual but it’s really not. It’s just a castle sitting in the middle of the canvas and it’s definitely a photograph that’s been shopped to look painted. The painting belongs to a super nervous woman. She wants to sell it as soon as possible and she doesn’t care how much money they get for it. Her behavior leads me to believe that this is an Evil Painting. The scene ends on an ominous zoom in shot of the painting, so definitely evil.

Phoebe and Piper talk on the phone about how Phoebe crashed Prue’s car into a pole. It looks like Piper is prepping stuff for Wanna-Bronze. I can’t wait.

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The OC S02 E13 – Shower more frequently.

by Samantha December 15, 2014 Season 2
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Hello fellow Traumateers! It gives me the absolute wiggins to get to do an OC post for Snark Squad because I love both so much. And someday, at a Snark Squad convention with plenty of wine, I will share my embarrassing 13 year old fangirl stories with you all. (M: Um, I cannot wait.) (S: Cosign. You’re off to a great start.) But for now, lets start the episode!

We open with some previouslies, that are mostly a lot of uncomfortable conversations and moments (Seth, no! Sandy, no!). This drops us off at the best part of any episode, the morning breakfast scene! Ryan walks into the house to find Seth on the couch in a Robe Cocoon of Sadness. Seth admits that he has been up all night watching movies. “What’s the plural of Matrix?” he asks.

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Dawson’s Creek S03 E04 – FOR THE ORPHANS!

by DemocracyDiva December 15, 2014 Dawson's Creek
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Shrine O’Spielberg. Pacey struts in with some outdated film technology. Dawson’s working on a documentary for his mother that might air this Friday. (Why no one employed by her station can actually film this thing is a question only the Great Contrivance Spirit can answer.) Pacey just can’t believe Dawson’s willing to stop focusing on fantasy and film something real, even for a second.

Kirsti: Meanwhile, I spent this scene being distracted about the fact that Pacey’s brought the gun show to town…

Diva: YUM.

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Charmed S02 E02 – Dog poo lessons

by Marines December 13, 2014 Charmed
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Guys, I wrote the first twenty minutes of this recap and lost it all because of some combination of the Internet and Wordpress hating me. There was no autosave. It took me so long to recap this crap because of some combination of busy life times and me resenting this episode because I had to watch it again. Did you hear me? I HAVE TO WATCH A PORTION OF AN EPISODE TWICE.

Stephanie: I’m so sorry that you had to go through such a traumatic experience. If you need someone to talk to, I’m here for you.

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Pretty Little Liars S04 E18 – Dramatic Chickpea Reveal

by Marines December 12, 2014 Pretty Little Liars
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Alison is in a phone booth saying very vague things that are both boring and difficult to recap. We cut to Rosewood’s One Coffee Shop, where Shana is in a little… phone booth closet? For using cell phones? (S: This is both absurd and exactly the sort of hipster retro bullshit I could see being a real and actual thing at a place like One Coffee Shop.) She watches all the Liars arrive and tells Alison as much. Alison asks Shana for assurance that she can get “it,” but Shana has to go because the Liars all turn toward her and are just going to stand there at stare at her, I guess. Spencer asks if they can trust her now and Emily uses the non-human logic that if Ali trusts Shana they should too. That’s cool except for the part where Ali is certifiable. BUT OKAY.

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How to Get Away with Murder S01 E09 – I’ll tell you how it happened.

by Marines December 11, 2014 How to Get Away With Murder
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Bonfire night again! Annalise is hastily throwing a bunch of Sam’s stuff in a suitcase. She asks how stupid he is, since clearly, Bonnie was going to tell her everything. Sam lied because he was worried that Annalise would think he killed Lila. One sure fire way to look like the murderer is to also be a liar, Sam. You’re bad at this.

Annalise throws the suitcase out into the foyer. She says she’s done with his lies, she’s done covering for him and she’s done loving him. Sam pulls the “I’m your husband” card and Annalise is threatens to call the police. In further, “I sure look like a murderer” developments, Sam grabs the phone and throws it against the wall, saying he’s not leaving until Annalise talks to him.

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Doctor Who S01 E12 – Daleks Heart Reality TV

by Sweeney December 10, 2014 Doctor Who
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This episode is off to a great start because the title is Bad Wolf which means we kick off the drinking game BEFORE we start watching. This pleases me greatly.

We start 100 years after the Simon Pegg episode. The Doctor wakes up in a tiny spinny elevator. He falls out and a girl with pigtail buns helps him up as he stumbles about, terribly confused by how he got there. Pigtails explains that he’s been “chosen” to be in some sort of Big Brother type house. The Doctor is summoned into “the diary room” where he sits down in a big red chair with a giant case of “Are you fucking kidding me?” which is a fair reaction.

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Supernatural S03 E03 – A spot of bad luck

by Kirsti December 10, 2014 Season 3
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We open at a prison. A dude I know from One Episode of Everything Ever heads into the visiting area where he’s visiting Gordon. UGH, GORDON. (A: I second this ugh.) He fills Gordon in on what happened in Wyoming, and Gordon’s all “SAM WINCHESTER WAS THERE”. Our random visitor, Kubrick, confirms it, but says he’s heard the Winchesters were there to help. Gordon refuses to believe it, and says “Sam Winchester must die”. He hangs up the phone (without saying goodbye) and we fade to black.

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Pretty Little Liars S04 E17 – Tooth trauma

by Jessica December 5, 2014 Pretty Little Liars
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Aria and Emily are walking together at night, talking about the movie they just saw (and a really annoying person who kept talking during it– for whom a special level of hell exists).

Aria brings up Spencer, and things get awkward. Aria says that Spencer was trying to protect her (by stalking her), but Emily said she was just being controlling. Emily’s annoyed and believes they’ll never hear from Ali again. Somehow, I find that doubtful.

Marines: It’s cruel to suggest that could happen, show.

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