snark squad | where nostalgia comes to die

The OC S04 E05 – Shut up and give me Pancakes

by Annie July 19, 2016 Season 4
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Ahhhh! I am so excited to be recapping this episode because it introduces my favourite OC character EVER. I’m so excited.

SO EXCITED. Okay. Let’s get to it.

We open at Casa Cohen, Ryan is trying to battle his insomnia by watching Bollywood films. Seth joins him, and whines a bit, but then promises to stay up with him in solidarity. Cue montage of Seth sleeping on the couch next to Ryan while he stays up all night. Kirsten find Seth asleep on the couch the next morning and wakes him up.

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Eclipse Chapter 10 – Cats will eat you.

by Annie July 19, 2016 Books
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I’m trying very hard to ignore the fact that the name of this chapter is “Scent.”

The chapter opens with Bella wondering why they’re all so immature. Me, too, Bell-Bells.

Edward tells Bella that he doesn’t feel any personal antagonism towards Jacob.

LOLOLOL. Okay. Sure.

Catherine: LOL. Yeah right, Edward. It’s all just professional anger and not at all about the girl you’re fighting over. 

Kirsti: “I wish he’d die in a fire, but it’s nothing personal!”

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Eclipse Chapter 09 – Breaking and Organizing

by Marines July 18, 2016 Books
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Alice drops Bella off at her house the next day, since they are still pretending that they were having a sleep over to hide the fact that Bella’s half kidnapped, half not getting any. When Bella gets inside, Charlie right away lets her know that she’s got a message. Jacob called to say he was sorry and Charlie adds to give him a break because he sounded upset. He doesn’t add, “anything is better than Edward,” but it’s implied.

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Eclipse Chapter 08 – Baby Love

by Kirsti July 16, 2016 Books
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Bella and Jacob end up on the beach again, and he asks if she thinks the Cullens will come get her. She says they won’t, but that they’ll be hella pissed when she goes back. He suggests not going back, and her only response is that Charlie would love that because he’s biased towards “my Quileute friends“. Uh. You mean Jacob? The rest tolerate you because of him, girl.

Annie: Actually, Charlie is biased towards anyone who isn’t the controlling, abusive, blood-thirsty boyfriend, but you tell yourself whatever makes you happier to stay in that relationship, Bells.

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Dawson’s Creek S04 E06 – This is a terrible idea.

by Kirsti July 15, 2016 Dawson's Creek
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Capeside High library. Andie tells Jen that she knows applying for college is overwhelming, and suggests she start by looking at schools in New York, seeing as she lived there before and has been talking about going back. Jen’s all “I’ve been saying WHAT?” Yeah, turns out Drue’s been spreading rumours again. Asshole.

“‘According to him’ would be the key phrase. He’s the Dark Prince of Revisionist History…” Jen snaps. Best. Jack rushes in, totally out of breath. Andie asks what’s going on and he totally downplays it, being all “Oh, you got something in post. Totally not a big deal.

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Pretty Little Liars S05 E12 – Thanksgiving murder

by Marines July 14, 2016 Pretty Little Liars
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It’s Thanksgiving Day and Aria, Hanna and Emily are sadly standing outside of a house. There are police cars everywhere and some police tape is blocking off the entrance to the house. Ezra is there too, but I try to ignore him as much as possible.

Jessica: A good piece of advice for all of us.

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Eclipse Chapter 07 – Heartbreak break

by Catherine July 13, 2016 Books
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I can’t believe I got this chapter. I’m actually a little freaked out because I remember it being pretty upsetting and not very funny or easy to make fun of. In fact, I feel compelled to issue a trigger warning here for sexual assault and rape, on the grounds that it’s almost definitely gonna get discussed. Because it’s sort of what this chapter is about. But it’s only in a flashback if that makes you guys feel any better?

Annie: Yeah, I’d completely blocked this part out of my memory, probably on account of it being trigging. Thanks, Stephenie.

Catherine: THANKS, STEPHENIE.

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Game of Thrones S06 E09 – It’s basically Woodstock.

by DemocracyDiva July 13, 2016 Game of Thrones
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Ladies and gentlemen, you could’ve been anywhere in the world tonight, but you’re here with us in Winterfell. Are you ready for a BastardBowl?

Catherine: Get hype! We’re probably gonna be in tears before this is over. 

Diva: We’re probably gonna be in tears before this starts.

The previouslies remind us that the battle for Winterfell is imminent, Shireen Baratheon loved the toy stag that Davos gave her (see – I’m already crying!), the Greyjoys are en route to Meereen, and the slavers are trying to blow up Dany’s pyramid just as she deboards her dragon.

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Eclipse Chapter 06 – Angry whispers in the night.

by Annie July 11, 2016 Books
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Bella is driving home, paying little attention to the drive, but instead, thinking all about her visit with Jacob, when she spots Edward’s Volvo (M: Sparkle) in her rearview mirror. Edward is following way too closely behind her. That sounds super safe. Bella seems worried about how much trouble she’s going to be in, which is not a thing that should be happening, as Bella is an adult and Edward is her boyfriend. Not her parent.

Bella drives straight to Angela’s house, calling herself a chicken. Yeah, Bella. You’re scared to be alone with your boyfriend. You’re such a big chicken!

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Goosebumps #039 “How I Got My Shrunken Head” – Island Edition

by Karina July 10, 2016 Books
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A while ago I asked Mari if I could hijack Snark Squad to do a Goosebumps post since I had found one of the books at my local library and she was a total sport about it. And then Samantha volunteered as tribute to be my trusty sidekick which is how we got here. (S: Hello!) Truth be told, I didn’t read Goosebumps as a kid or teen so this is an adventure for me on more than one level. (S: Omigosh same, I was a super scairdy cat!) I was an Enid Blyton and Agatha Christie (yes, even at that time) kind of reader.

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Dawson’s Creek S04 E05 – It’s Always All About Sex

by Chelsea July 8, 2016 Dawson's Creek

Hello, Snarkers of the internet. I am so, so happy to be revisiting my absolute favorite show of the 90’s. My love for Joshua Jackson runs, to this day, as deep as it  ever has. As does my hatred of Katie Holmes’ acting abilities.

Kirsti: Shocker that the rest of the main quartet are now famous for their acting abilities while she’s famous for having been married to a lunatic.

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Eclipse Chapter 05 – Legally binding love at first sight.

by Marines July 8, 2016 Books
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This chapter is called imprint and we’re so far away from imprinting but I’m already throwing up in my mouth.

Catherine: It gets worse, guys. It always, always gets worse. Remember that. 

Kirsti: Every time I think it can’t possibly get worse, it gets much MUCH worse. So yeah.

Mari:  We pick up one second after the end of the last chapter for whatever reason. Bella asks if Jake is okay since Charlie has basically been telling her how unokay he is. Also, she’s probably also asking because of his giant wolf hands and emo letters.

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The OC S04 E04 – Suck it, Starlord

by Reem July 7, 2016 Season 4
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Hello! I am so very excited and honored to be writing for Snark Squad! Seriously thank you, Mari for letting me do this. And now I am so sorry for the endless parade of stupid you’re all about to read. Blame it on my youth y’all! Also blame it on the fact that I have never seen the OC ever in my life. When the OC was in its prime, I was still singing along happily to Hannah Montana. (M: That makes me feel a wee bit old, in that strange, almost 30 kind of way…)(R: You’re not old! I’m young!) On with the recap!

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Eclipse Chapter 04 – I miss Angelus

by Kirsti July 7, 2016 Books
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This chapter starts off amazingly well: “I was having a bad week.” Bella, girl. You’re having a bad LIFE. But guess what, y’all? Her bad week has very little to do with the fact that Victoria’s back and everything to do with the fact that no one will turn her into a vampire several weeks ahead of schedule. She argues that being a weak little human person is a terrible idea with Victoria around, but the Cullen-Hales point out that there are seven of them versus one of Victoria and for some inexplicable reason, they all want Bella to stay safe.

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Supernatural S05 E22 – I’m your density!

by Kirsti July 6, 2016 Season 5
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CARRY ON MY WAYWARD SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!! (S: THERE’LL BE PEACE WHEN YOU ARE DOOONE.)

That’s right, friends. It’s the final episode of the season, and that means it’s time for the previouslies to take us right back to the beginning and remind us of all the major plot points from the past five seasons that may prove relevant here. But mostly it means a full minute of jamming to Kansas because I have not so secretly terrible taste in music.

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