snark squad | where nostalgia comes to die

Dawson’s Creek S01 E07 – Like Breakfast Club, but worse

by DemocracyDiva July 22, 2014 Dawson's Creek
Thumbnail image for Dawson’s Creek S01 E07 – Like Breakfast Club, but worse

Shrine O’Spielberg. Dawson and Joey are watching yet another movie together, but he gets frustrated with it and shuts it off just before the end. He finds it unbelievable that a girl would decide which guy she wants to be with based on a drag race. Joey wisely points out that someone whose favorite movie is E.T. should not have such a problem with unrealistic films, but like everything else on this show, this is really about SEX.

Kirsti: Also, whose favourite movie is E.T.?! I was terrified of it when I was six, and I’m still terrified of it. Don’t let that thing in your house, Elliott.

Read more →

Charmed S01 E07 – Debbie Downer

by Lorraine July 22, 2014 Charmed
Thumbnail image for Charmed S01 E07 – Debbie Downer

The episode starts and I instantly recognize Danielle Harris from that instant classic Disney Channel movie, Wish Upon a Star. She played the younger, undesirable sister to Katherine Hiegl’s It Girl. The thing I most remember about Danielle Harris are her very expressive eyebrows. I mean, really, she can just lift them up toward her hairline, but that expresses a lot.

IMDB has also informed be that she voiced Debbie Thornberry in The Wild Thornberrys and this is very exciting news for me.

Read more →

The OC S01 E07 – Hot mess

by Lorraine July 21, 2014 Season 1
Thumbnail image for The OC S01 E07 – Hot mess

Sweeney originally called dibs on this episode, but she’s still having grand adventures in Europe, so I told her I’d trade her. (S: And I let go only because I had to because this is an iconic moment in OC history, guys.) Explanation as to why we’re taking a guest posting break and you’re stuck with me over, let’s get to the episode:

Seth practically chases Ryan into the kitchen, trying to convince him that some plan he’s come up with is foolproof, since he goes to a comic book convention every year around this time and his parents trust him.

Read more →

Dawson’s Creek S01 E06 – Longest. Day. Ever.

by Kirsti July 18, 2014 Dawson's Creek
Thumbnail image for Dawson’s Creek S01 E06 – Longest. Day. Ever.

We open in Dawson’s Shrine o’ Spielberg. A black and white movie comes to an end on the TV, and Joey’s all “Cool, BYE.” She claims it’s because her sister’s baby is due like NOW and she needs to help out. Dawson whines that they never watch just one movie on movie night, and she replies that there’s a first time for everything. Like, for instance, Third Wheel Jen being there. Poor Jen – the actual girlfriend – looks hella awkward and is perched on a chair next to the bed, further proving that Dawson Leery is a douchebag. DUDE. Make some room on the bed for her.
Democracy Diva: I am so glad the seating arrangements bothered you as much as they bothered me. If any two people are sharing the bed, shouldn’t it be the people actually dating?

Read more →

The OC S01 E06 – Hello, Mrs. Robinson

by Jessica July 17, 2014 Season 1
Thumbnail image for The OC S01 E06 – Hello, Mrs. Robinson

After the previouslies, we start off with a shot of the Cohen car filled with food. Sandy “Eyebrows” Cohen makes a crack about feeding Kirsten’s dad to get his love, and while that probably won’t work on Mr. Evil Corporate man, that would definitely work on me. Just sayin’. (S: Cosign.)(L: And another +1 makes it a party.)

Kirsten’s dad (Caleb) enters and cheerfully calls himself the devil so we don’t have to. Outside, Seth and Ryan talk about Caleb, and how he’s Mr. Big Money. Seth points out that he, like Ryan, came from humble beginnings and they’d probably hit it off.

Read more →

Charmed S01 E06 – Bridezilla

by Lorraine July 17, 2014 Charmed
Thumbnail image for Charmed S01 E06 – Bridezilla

A young woman (Allison) walks through a garden having lots of feelings. We know this because she touches a rose and sighs. She’s met by a man (Elliot) who hands her a white rose. She says they’ve spent lots of time planning their wedding and she doesn’t want anything to go wrong.

Their kiss is interrupted by a woman with an uptight hairdo, asking Elliot, her son, about the marriage certificate. They couple has plans to get it handled the next day but Mommy Uptight wants them to do it RIGHT NOW. Elliot asks what her deal is, but she doesn’t answer because the soundtrack just whooshed at her.

Read more →

Veronica Mars S01 E20 – Classic douche lines

by Lorraine July 16, 2014 Season 1
Thumbnail image for Veronica Mars S01 E20 – Classic douche lines

Neptune High Parking Lot. Veronica’s car has stopped and lots of people are honking at her and generally being shit waffles because they SEE Veronica is having issues, so why honk? Logan and his Brogans are casually passing by, in “making jokes about poor people” distance. Logan is carving up an apple and Veronica grabs his knife all while brushing off their subpar insults.

Sweeney: 1430s all around for your Logan and his Brogans and for Veronica’s delightful snark.

Democracy Diva: I was also going to give Lor a 1430 for “Logan and his Brogans,” so congrats, you get a 2860!

Read more →

Orphan Black S02 E10 – Nothing personal

by Lorraine July 15, 2014 Orphan Black
Thumbnail image for Orphan Black S02 E10 – Nothing personal

This show ended up taking Sweeney and I by surprise for a reason that’s unique to our experience: it’s a pain in the ass to recap. Part of what intrigues me about the whole Snark Squad project has a lot to do with the material we pick and cover and how it lends itself to scrutiny. It’s hard to tell what a recapping experience will be like before we get a few posts under our belts. Anyway, the point is that this is better than average material that just takes SO. LONG. to cover. I’ll go into the construction of this season a little more at the end, but there was never an easy way to recap one of these episodes. It was always a many, many hour ordeal.

Which also (partly) explains why this is so late.

Read more →

Dawson’s Creek S01 E05 – Genetic doucheface tendencies

by DemocracyDiva July 15, 2014 Dawson's Creek
Thumbnail image for Dawson’s Creek S01 E05 – Genetic doucheface tendencies

Shrine O’Spielberg. Dawson and Joey are having a disaster movie marathon because there’s a hurricane a-blowin’. Gail and her not-so-secret lover Bob are covering the storm on TV, and are overtly flirting with each other during the broadcast because they’re bad at secrets. Dawson’s parents still don’t know that he knows about the affair, and he’s too tired to deal with feelings, so he asks Joey, “You mind if I sack?” Is this an actual thing that humans say? (K: Maybe it was in the 90s??) Anyway, Joey basically tells him to deal with his shit instead of hiding out in the storm. Instead, he broods and watches his mother and her mastress (man-mistress? Guys, it’s so sexist that there isn’t a word for this!) on the news.

Read more →

The OC S01 E05 – Wax on, Seth Cohen

by Lion July 14, 2014 Season 1
Thumbnail image for The OC S01 E05 – Wax on, Seth Cohen

We open with Ryan and my boyfriend Seth Cohen (Just to be clear, I just want Seth, aint even ’bout to homewreck the first couple of teen fandom: Adam Brody/Leighton Meester) in true show-set-in-California style, riding a bike and skateboard (adorably) down a boardwalk with flashes to random dudes playing beach volleyball to further indicate being in a coastal town in SoCal.

Sweeney: The best part of having different recappers write their posts, mostly without ever seeing the posts that came before them is going to be seeing how many people stake their claim on Seth Cohen. Since you’re my sister I feel especially obligated to interject with a, “HE WAS MY TV BOYFRIEND FIRST!” even though I’ve accepted that he’s actually everyone’s TV boyfriend.

Read more →

Charmed S01 E05 – How not to deal with rejection.

by Lorraine July 14, 2014 Charmed
Thumbnail image for Charmed S01 E05 – How not to deal with rejection.

Phoebe runs into Qua ke and some bro comes over to ask if she’s a terrorist because she’s the bomb. As much as I’m sure I could end the recap there, another random bro taps into this bad pick-up line ring, asking if it hurt when Phoebe fell from heaven. She whispers in his ear that she’s a witch, not an angel, because she’s on a one woman mission to basically announce that to everyone, ever.

Phoebe joins her sisters, who are staring at a couple making out at the bar. Phoebe and Piper moan about being single. A cheery waitress delivers a drink to Prue and points out the man in the restaurant who sent it to her.

Read more →

Dawson’s Creek S01 E04 – Secret sexy times

by Kirsti July 11, 2014 Dawson's Creek
Thumbnail image for Dawson’s Creek S01 E04 – Secret sexy times

We open in Dawson’s Shrine o’ Spielberg. He’s watching his footage back (read: creepily talking about how perfect Jen is) while Joey sasses about how Jen’s future is sooooooooo predictable – she’ll go to a small liberal arts college, major in art history, move back to Manhattan, marry a stockbroker, move to the suburbs and raise neurotically perfect children. Dawson changes the subject to what he should get his parents for their wedding anniversary, and um, NOTHING??? Unless buying your parents an anniversary present is a thing in America and I’m not aware of it?!

Democracy Diva: Yeah, definitely have never done that. I think maybe I gave them a card when we had a big dinner for their 30th anniversary, but in general, this is not a thing in my circles.

Read more →

The OC S01 E04 – Did someone say AWKWARD?

by Wilhemina Upton July 10, 2014 Season 1
Thumbnail image for The OC S01 E04 – Did someone say AWKWARD?

After a lot of previouslies we open with Seth and Ryan playing video games. Ryan has mastered the art and is beating Seth. The student has become the master so to say. Just then, the Cohen parents walk in, wanting to talk to Ryan. The suspense is killing all of us, I know, right?! Like, what could this possibly be about? Seth is being his weird self, mentioning something about the rug which I have no idea whether it will be necessary information or is just a stupid throwaway comment. Moving on.

The Cohens inform Ryan that they went to CPS today and they want him to stay with them. I told you this was going to be exceptionally unexpected news, ahem. The Cohen’s only concern is that they will need to have signed over all of Ryan’s legal rights.

Read more →

Charmed S01 E04 – Amazingly simple

by Lorraine July 10, 2014 Charmed
Thumbnail image for Charmed S01 E04 – Amazingly simple

Andy tells Prue that he was nowhere in the neighborhood and decided to stop by. Prue appreciates his honesty. I still think that on the scale of trying too hard, he’s landing on the side of “weird.” He’s got an early birthday gift for her and it comes in a Tiffany blue box but is in no way related to jewelery. What Prue gets is a key to a room at the Calistoga Spa and they leave in a week. I’m not sure what kind of hotel is in the habit of giving physical keys a week before check-in but OKAY. Maybe the key is a more symbolic.

Prue is hesitant so Andy clarifies that he got them adjoining rooms, because he respects her wish to take it slow. He asks her to think about it, gives her a kiss and leaves. “Happy birthday to me,” she says in a tone I can’t quite figure out because acting is hard.

Read more →

Veronica Mars S01 E19 – Puppy love

by Sweeney July 9, 2014 Season 1
Thumbnail image for Veronica Mars S01 E19 – Puppy love

We begin in the Mars Investigations Offices with Veronica tutoring Weevil in math. This scene not only gives us some adorable Veronica/Weevil time but also reminds us that the gang leader with the heart of gold is not only sweeter than he lets on, but smarter than the school system gives him credit for. He dismisses a word problem he doesn’t want to answer by giving Bob the fictional Word Problem Guy some financial advice. I’m overselling this – that advice was basically, “Illegal stuff makes a lot of money!”

Lorraine: Because the gang leader with a heart of gold is also poor. So, you know.

Read more →