snark squad | where nostalgia comes to die

Supergirl S02 E05 – Gun control

by Catherine April 24, 2017 Season 2
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Hey, so it’s been a while! I don’t really know why. I do know that I always see people squeeing about this show on Twitter, and I’m not sure if it’s because it’s gotten better in season two or if we are seriously not watching the same show.

Catherine: SAME. I have friends who watch this and tell me it’s amazing. I’m so bored. What are we missing? 

Samantha: Maybe it’s one of those shows that just really really falls apart upon recapping but works if you just mindlessly enjoy it?

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Dawson’s Creek S04 E15 – Minisodes of Plot Development

by Chelsea April 21, 2017 Dawson's Creek
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I have always hated that this episode follows one of the best episodes of teen virginity loss in the history of recorded television. This episode is essentially four minisodes all crammed together, none of them particularly interesting.

Kirsti: #ACCURATE. This episode is a snoozefest and I just need the whole thing to be Pacephine adorableness rather than whatever the hell this mess is. 

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Designated Survivor S01 E11 – Untrustworthy acting.

by Dani Denatti April 20, 2017 Designated Survivor
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We start where we left off, with Hannah making her way through the crowd, looking for the shooter. She pulls out her gun, someone yells “gun,” there is sudden, general chaos, Hanna fires at the window. Her bullet hits the window frame and the sniper is still able to fire his own bullet. Secret Service agents take Hannah down. Tom pushes Alex down to safety. He looks at her and notices that there is blood on her shirt. He tells her she’s been shot, but the blood isn’t hers. It’s his. Tom looks at his shoulder and he’s like, “oh shit.”

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Doctor Who S05 E01 – It’s definitely new.

by Marines April 19, 2017 Doctor Who
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I remember portions of this episode very vividly. I think I took a break between the end of Ten’s tenure and the beginning of Eleven; enough of one that watching this episode felt like jumping into a new experience in more ways than just the changes that came with it. I stopped watching Doctor Who with Matt Smith because we started this recapping project, and I figured I’d catch up to more recent seasons when we got there to recap. I was young and optimistic and thought that would be sooner rather than later. lol.

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After Chapter 32 – Hardin is the Kool-Aid Man.

by Samantha April 18, 2017 After
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Okay well here I go. To recap Tessa and Hardin alone in a room at night again. With sex implications in the terribly written text. Alright. Here we go. Oh, wait, man, have I asked how you all are recently? Anything new?

Marines: Just rip the bandaid off, girl. This garbage fire has 90-something chapters.

Samantha: …….fine. According to my Kindle app we’re only 26% done.

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After Chapter 31 – Don’t try this at home.

by Marines April 18, 2017 After
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Tessa tries to take a step back from Hardin, but “his grip is too strong.” We’re going to totally ignore her lack of bodily autonomy in this very moment because she’s so! shocked! and! over! whelmed! that Hardin just said he wants to be good. If it is THIS SHOCKING that someone has set the pretty mid-level bar of being good, perhaps don’t date that person. #SnarkLadyAdvice (S: #MaybeLiterallySavesLivesInThisCase.)

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A Series of Unfortunate Events S01 E05 – Married to the sea.

by Dani Denatti April 17, 2017 A Series of Unfortunate Events
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New guardian means new credits! This time we’re told that this guardian is wracked with fear and panic and they end up on a boat that might as well be the Titanic. (S: Meanwhile I overthink where a Titanic reference puts us in time.) So, you know, look away, look away!

We start at an old-timey looking news station for Lachrymose News, “where things keep happening until they stop happening.” I know this “it keeps happening” feeling because it encapsulates all of my feelings about the current administration.

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Doctor Who S04 Wrap-Up

by Kirsti April 15, 2017 Doctor Who
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It took us more than a year to finally get out of Series 4, partly because we tagged all the Tennant specials into this season, but mostly because we so slow. We did it though and the super struggle bus of getting here only makes this gif dance party celebration all the more earned:

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Breaking Dawn Chapter 18 – The bloody Quentin Tarantino chapter.

by Catherine April 14, 2017 Books
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Welcome to the bloody Quentin Tarantino Chapter of Breaking Dawn, also known as nope, nope, fucking no, nope.

The title of this chapter is ‘There are no words for this‘. Aptly named. I’m still not sure that prepares us all for what is to come in this chapter, but I’m doing my best.

Kirsti: Come, friends. Let us gather around the Snark Lady Booze Cupboard and drink its full contents before proceeding with this abomination of a chapter.

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Designated Survivor S01 E10 – Running in Heels

by Dani Denatti April 13, 2017 Designated Survivor
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We open to the car crash, where Agent Hannah Wells is either dead or unconscious. Some dude comes to check on her, and he seems really kind, talking to her all calmly and telling her not to move her neck. Then he strangles her. Um… what? Why spend all that time comforting her if he’s an assassin who’s supposed to kill her? Maybe the show thought using misdirection here would add tension, but it just ends up making this guy look like the most incompetent assassin ever. I bet I know where he buys his assassin-gear.

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Doctor Who S04 E18 – Excuse me while I ugly cry.

by Kirsti April 12, 2017 Doctor Who
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After a recap of what happened last time, we jump straight into the credits. Farewell, Russell T Davies era credits and title screen. I love you forever. (M: I’m glad the farewell tour is starting so early!)

DOO WEE OOO!

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After Chapter 30 – Is this scene over yet?

by Marines April 11, 2017 After
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I’mma just preface this with I hate this mother fucking douche so much.

Hardin and Tessa go sit on the patio. Tessa says that his touch is literally burning her skin so someone get this girl some ice.

Marines: That’s an allergic reaction, not romance, baby girl.

Samantha: Tessa tries to muster her harsh tone so, we’ll see how long that lasts.

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After Chapter 29 – Boo-boos.

by Marines April 11, 2017 After
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Previously: Something is wrong with Hardin so Tessa leaves Noah in the dust. — Marines: Landon texts Tessa an address, which she copy and pastes into her “maps program.” Why are the people who write these terrible, abusive, poorly written “romance” stories also terrible at technology? Who says “maps program” instead of just maps or GPS? I’ll even take navigation. ARE THEY ALL ALIENS? Samantha: I mean, honestly, it’s the only explanation. Mari: Tessa is super confused about why Landon needs her and it’s at this point that I begin to suspect that Hardin sent these god damn messages himself. I’m going to leave this probably wrong prediction here because it doesn’t truly matter. All that matters is that about a […]

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Breaking Dawn Chapter 17 – Brainless and Heartless

by Catherine April 10, 2017 Books
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I feel like you guys aren’t even going to believe this chapter name but I am here to faithfully report it: What Do I Look Like? The Wizard of Oz? You Need A Brain? You Need A Heart? Go Ahead. Take Mine. Take Everything I Have.

The drama is real. Also, I’m not convinced Jacob has a brain or a heart so…

Kirsti: Neither. Neither is good. (Seriously though – that chapter title is fucking ridiculous. No wonder this book is seven trillion pages long…)

Annie: Everything about this is ridiculous, so at least Meyer is staying on message?

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Doctor Who S04 E17 – This is a terrible plan.

by Kirsti April 6, 2017 Doctor Who
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We open in space. We zoom past the Moon to Earth. A narrator tells us that in the last days of planet Earth, everyone had bad dreams. Except that everyone forgot because people are dumb. Well, one person remembered. We zoom in on Wilf(!!!!!!), watching happily as a Salvation Army band plays Christmas carols. He hears a maniacal laugh in his head, and shakes himself.

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