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Charmed S03 E09 – The Blood of Dwight Schrute

by Marines May 17, 2017 Charmed
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Previously: The girls found out the truth about Cole’s identity thanks to his coat. — Coyote Piper Stephanie: We open at the manor where Prue and Leo are looking at a presentation board with pictures of Piper’s high school class. Prue tells Leo that high school was tough for Piper because she was like Jan Brady, but he doesn’t get the reference. Apparently being a white-lighter means he’s never watched TV. Piper comes downstairs wearing an ugly dress that I think is supposed to be hot because a sexy saxophone tune plays.   Piper knows she looks ridiculous. Marines: How are really supposed to tell that she looks ridiculous? Phoebe would wear that to the library.  Stephanie: Piper hated high school because […]

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Pretty Little Liars S05 E17 – Splitting up saves lives

by Jessica May 16, 2017 Pretty Little Liars
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We start off in Caleb’s hacker apartment, with the “suspicious storage unit was rented in Hanna’s name” plot point. Caleb and Spencer are convinced that the barrel they found in there contains Mona’s body, without, you know, having looked inside it. Maybe they’ve been reading the Rosewood LOLPD manual on how to investigate potential crime scenes.

Marines: They also haven’t been paying enough attention to their lives to figure out that whatever they think happened is 100% not what happened.

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A Series of Unfortunate Event S01 E07 – Destroyed.

by Marines May 11, 2017 Uncategorized
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New two-parter = new credits! NPH sings, “the lumber mill is where the Baudelaires are forced to work, the eye doctor is sinister, the owner is a jerk, they end up in a fiendish plot with logs and hypnotism, the very thought of watching should be met with skepticism.”

Look away, look away, etc.

New dedication to Beatrice: my love flew like a butterfly, until death swooped down like a bat.

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Supergirl S02 E06 – Really good crying.

by Marines May 4, 2017 Season 2
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We start in Svalbaro, Norway at the Thorul Arctic Research Center. A lady scientist finds a Dr. Jones, as there is something he needs to see. Dr. Jones is played by William Mapother, who has guest starred in a bunch of stuff, was on Lost and is Tom Cruise’s little cousin. (C: I wouldn’t put that particular detail on my resume.) We cut to a lab where there is a dead wolf on a table. The lady scientist explains that they found an arrowhead in it, dating back to 3000 B.C. Dr. Jones kind of waves off the discovery, as they are climate change experts not archaeologists, but lady scientist invites Dr. Jones to touch the dead wolf. Despite having been trapped under the ice for 5,000 years, the wolf is warm.

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Doctor Who S05 E03 – Heil Dalek

by Dani Denatti May 3, 2017 Doctor Who
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This is the first episode of Doctor Who that I get to recap, and I’m so psyched to join the team that I won’t even complain about it involving stupid Daleks.

Marines: That’s a lot of excitement because UGH, DALEKS. Also, so happy to have you!

Kirsti: I’m super happy to have you too because it means I have to recap fewer episodes of the Matt Smith era!! 

Dani: #Priorities

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After Chapter 34 – Chamomile tea is not enough.

by Samantha May 2, 2017 Uncategorized
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You can stop sweating with anxiety, dear readers! Hardin goes over to the dresser and pulls out a pair of blue and white boxers that are apparently hideous. (M: How hideous can they be without cartoon characters or something on them? What’s happening?) Tessa notes that Hardin’s soon to be step mom or father must have bought clothes for him to have here. Hardin leaves the room to change because it’s really nice to have privacy and stuff and to feel comfortable and IT WOULD REALLY SUCK IF SOMEONE FORCEFULLY TOOK THAT AWAY FROM SOMEONE. Ahem.

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After Chapter 33 – Stomach Ache

by Marines May 2, 2017 After
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Hardin’s eyes are on fire (“blazing”) as he pulls Tessa onto the bed and on top of him. Tessa is straddling him, which she’s done before, but now she’s straddling him with very little clothing on. She stays up on her knees so they aren’t touching but “Hardin isn’t having it,” and he pulls her all the way down. Because clearly what Hardin’s having is the only thing on the menu.

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Dawson’s Creek S04 E16 – Your penis ain’t special.

by Kirsti April 28, 2017 Dawson's Creek
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Oh, hey, friends. Long time no see. MY BAD. Honestly, a big part of the delay on this has to do with the fact that I needed to find gifs for it, and finding gifs for Dawson’s Creek is practically impossible after season 3. I mean, there are Pacephine Tumblrs, but they suck at tagging things, and I’m not about to wade through 64 pages of posts on the off chance there’s something useable there. So instead I… just kind of gave up on giffing. Sorry. Have a giant wall of text instead?

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A Series of Unfortunate Events S01 E06 – Always without their stuff.

by Marines April 27, 2017 A Series of Unfortunate Events
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Look away, look away!

We start with the kids standing in front of the wide window, reading Josephine’s suicide note. What we thought was a grammatical error previously turns out to be a few errors. Dowadger instead of dowager. Leadle instead of lead. But perhaps the worst thing of all is that the end of the letter says that Josephine is leaving the kids in the care of Captain Sham. We fade from Violet saying that it can’t be, to Lemony in the nearer present, in front of the ruins of Josephine’s house. Lemony says that when you lose someone close to you, “it can’t be” are often the words that run through your saddened head.

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Pretty Little Liars S05 E16 – Sorry, I’m in an air duct.

by Jessica April 27, 2017 Pretty Little Liars
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Welcome back to Rosewood everyone! The previouslies remind us that Holbrook is helping Ali, some rando named Johnny is staying in Spencer’s guest house, Hanna’s mom hooked up with Jason, Spencer and Toby are not on the same evidence page, and Annoying Aria wrote a fake admissions letter to trick her sleazy boyfriend’s ex into getting her into college. Honestly, the previouslies were packed with lots of stuff, which is weird because I don’t remember lots of stuff happening on this show, so we’ll figure it out as we go, okay?

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Doctor Who S05 E02 – Because the government is up to some shady shit.

by Kirsti April 26, 2017 Doctor Who
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he camera pans over a floating city, with the Union flag painted next to it. We pan over the buildings, many of which are illuminated with the names of counties.

Cut to a school room where all the kids are in 1950s style outfits, sitting at 1950s style desks. A robotic voice praises each of them in turn as they head out the door. One boy hangs back reluctantly. (M: Yeah, boy. I wouldn’t walk up close to that robotic voice either.) A girl gives him a “what are you waiting for?” expression before heading out. He’s the last in the classroom.

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Chamed S03 E08 – Oblivious.

by Marines April 26, 2017 Charmed
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We start in the Halliwell kitchen with Prue and Piper working on a potion to vanquish Belthazor. Piper’s getting a little squeamish about the ingredients, but this mostly serves as an opportunity to exposit that they got a slice of Belthazor flesh last episode and should be able to vanquish him now.

Prue calls for Phoebe, but Piper says their little sister is not in a vanquishing mood because she’s worried about Cole. She hasn’t heard from him in a week. HMMM. SUSPICIOUS TIMING.

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Supergirl S02 E05 – Gun control

by Catherine April 24, 2017 Season 2
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Hey, so it’s been a while! I don’t really know why. I do know that I always see people squeeing about this show on Twitter, and I’m not sure if it’s because it’s gotten better in season two or if we are seriously not watching the same show.

Catherine: SAME. I have friends who watch this and tell me it’s amazing. I’m so bored. What are we missing? 

Samantha: Maybe it’s one of those shows that just really really falls apart upon recapping but works if you just mindlessly enjoy it?

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Dawson’s Creek S04 E15 – Minisodes of Plot Development

by Chelsea April 21, 2017 Dawson's Creek
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I have always hated that this episode follows one of the best episodes of teen virginity loss in the history of recorded television. This episode is essentially four minisodes all crammed together, none of them particularly interesting.

Kirsti: #ACCURATE. This episode is a snoozefest and I just need the whole thing to be Pacephine adorableness rather than whatever the hell this mess is. 

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Designated Survivor S01 E11 – Untrustworthy acting.

by Dani Denatti April 20, 2017 Designated Survivor
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We start where we left off, with Hannah making her way through the crowd, looking for the shooter. She pulls out her gun, someone yells “gun,” there is sudden, general chaos, Hanna fires at the window. Her bullet hits the window frame and the sniper is still able to fire his own bullet. Secret Service agents take Hannah down. Tom pushes Alex down to safety. He looks at her and notices that there is blood on her shirt. He tells her she’s been shot, but the blood isn’t hers. It’s his. Tom looks at his shoulder and he’s like, “oh shit.”

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