Trauma Never Looked So Good

Sara: Welcome to Childhood Trauma! If you knew that was a Buffy reference the moment you saw it, join the club! Grab a chair, prop your feet up, and get comfortable because the 90’s goodness doesn’t end there, my friend.

Lorraine: If you didn’t know that was from Buffy, okay fine, join the club anyways. We don’t discriminate. We strongly believe that love, justice, unicorns, chocolate and the terrible books of our childhood should be for one and all. I haven’t consulted with the other girls, but I’m almost pretty sure they would back me up on love, justice and unicorns.

Anyways, back on topic-

Sara: Meet the Snark Squad – Sara, Lorraine, Lily, Sweeney, and Nugs. To learn a little bit about each of us, check out our “Meet the Snark Squad” page. There aren’t any nudey pictures up there just yet, but yanevaknow, y’know?

We’ll be reading and reviewing popular book series from our childhood, such as Sweet Valley High, The Babysitters Club, Boxcar Children, Goosebumps, and more. We are willing to suffer through the bad writing, the awful parenting, the horrible outfit descriptions, and the buckets upon buckets of Wakefield and babysitter tears just so you don’t have to.

We know. We’re kind of awesome.

Each post will contain a synopsis with a side of snark (a rather large side, I might add), so you can relive your childhood and wonder why in the fuck you would ever have thought the people in these books were cool. (Seriously, y’all. I wanted to BE Elizabeth Wakefield. If I had been allowed to legally change my name at the ripe old age of 9, it would have happened. Don’tjudgeme.)

Lorraine: (I’m totally judging her.)

I never read a SVH book when I was younger, but I was pretty heavy into Babysitter’s Club. The amazing thing about these upcoming reviews is that you don’t have to know anything about these series. We’ll do all the dirty work for you, whether you’ve read the books before or not. Fan or not. Penis or vagina. One and all can enjoy what Childhood Trauma has to offer.

Sara: As the reviews are completed, new links will be added to the pages for each individual series. Check out the pages to see the complete lists and our adorable buttons (made by Lorraine) for each series.

Lorraine: Sara and I will be manning the Sweet Valley High series. Nicole and Nugs will be on Babysitter duty and Lily will be handling the Boxcar Children. I can’t stress enough how much this is only the beginning. There are so many books, so much snark and so very little time. (LOL. JAYKAY. There’s lots of time because I refuse to ever actually work at work.)

None of these rules are hard and fast. We’ll be trying new things all the time, taking suggestions from you, the readers we’re considering giving sexual favors to win over crosssing our fingers for, and we’re really excited to do this.

Now, the questions is, are you ready?

 

Sara (all posts)

I'm a married old lady of 25 who is currently pregnant and eating all the things. ALL THE THINGS. I work full time and consider myself "in between" semesters of college, because that sounds better than, "I have 8 classes left and just can't force myself to finish." There's a whole lot of Internet out there, and I plan on reading all of it before I die.






Marines (all posts)

I'm a 20-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.





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  • Good Lord, this should be interesting. I never read "The Babysitter's Club", but I was all over "Sleepover Friends". Even starting dressing like a character.

  • I LOVE that the thumbnail of the video is me holding up a bottle of tequila!

  • Jessica – I've never heard of this "Sleepover Friends" thing but now I want to know what it is. I'm gonna Google-fu and get back to you.

    Lily – all three thumbnail options were of you! I'm not even lying. Youtube likes your face. ♥

    Lorraine

  • Considering the video was only a minute and a half long, you really did an amazing job of capturing our personalities, Lor. 🙂

    Ahem ahem ahem ahem cough cough.

  • OHMYGOD I am so freaking excited about this. BBC, SVH, Boxcar Children, Goosebumps? That is my ENTIRE childhood there. If you ever need a guest reviewer, you know where to look.

    Yeah, I was even rad enough to be in the Babysitter's Club FAN CLUB. Got 3 new books every month and I DEVOURED them. Still awfully sad my mom sold the entire collection at a garage sale for $5.

  • This is destined to be the best blog ever. You all make me want to find all my old Goosebumps, SVH, and Babysitters Clubs books (and Nancy Drew, which wasn't on the list, but I loved anyways) and re-read!

  • Thanks Roxanne! It's an honor having a legit fanclubber in our midst. 🙂

    Jen, I'm bidding on like eleventy Nancy Drew books on Ebay. I want to throw in a review of those every now and then. 🙂

  • What about the Hardy Boys? There's clearly not enough penis representation here.

  • I have never read ANY of these! So yeah it should be interesting for me, and maybe I can read some too, but I don't know if I will after knowing that you guys are ripping it apart 😉 Or will I?

    All the best ladies!!

  • I choosing to believe you added that particular episode of BSC because it has my name in the title. #dealwithit

  • whoever made the video did an awesome job- must have taken a while to put it all together…love it and can't wait to see what's in store :).

    <3

  • I AM JUST SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS. I have planned my week around my BSC reading/writing schedule.

    OK, fine, my BSC reading/writing schedule and my tan readjustment schedule, as those two things go well together.

  • I am so excited about this! BTW, that video is the most amazing capture of me ever.

  • Awesome blog ladies, I can't wait to hear the snark! If you ever want a guest post, I'd love to revisit my youth and give it some snark!

  • I'm kind of late in commenting on this, but my brother was OBSESSED with these when he was a kid: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Adventure_Series_(Willard_Price)

    Holy hell. I kind of want to reread them and tear them to shreds. And having just read the plot of 'Whale Adventure' on Wikipedia, I'm kind of bummed that my brother never had that one. It sounds RIDONKULOUS to the extreme. I wonder if my local library has them………

  • Nugs

    Whale Adventure??? Are there sharks in it????

    OK, I get that whales and sharks aren't the same thing. But still.

    Are there sharks?

  • Nugs, my lovely, not only are there sharks, but there's a pack of killer whales. And a teenage boy defending a sperm whale (snigger) against said sharks and killer whales. And some dude gets eaten by a shark. It's pretty much begging for you to read it.

  • Nugs

    I'm so there. And by "there" I mean "super excited." And by "super excited" I mean "I'll be in my room. Alone."

  • You had me at sperm whale. <3

  • I am so glad I found this site. This is hilarious and unbelievable! I'm literally sending the link to all of my girlfriends so they can remember reading these awful books as well. Thanks for entertaining me at work!

  • Entertaining people at work is basically our entire mission. 🙂

    We're really glad you enjoyed it and we really really like being pimped out to friends! <3

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