BSC #002 “Claudia and the Phantom Phone Calls” – So, what are you wearing?

Previously: Kristy had a great idea and she made damn sure to tell us it was her idea. Also: some other people helped.
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Nugs: So it’s my turn now, is it?

I get to review book #2 of the Baby-Sitters Club, “Claudia and the Phantom Phone Calls.”

I’m super excited for this. Claudia was always my favorite because she was always the most stereotypical and biggest display of blatant racism. I mean, really. Her last name sounds like sushi and her sister is some kind of child genius. Seriously, Ann M. Martin? Just no.

I thought it was hilarious.

Sweeney: You know she would have made driving cracks too if the girls ever got old enough.

Nugs: Anyway, the main premise of this one is that some of the houses in Stoned-eee-brook have been getting a bunch of mysterious phone calls which then lead to burglaries. I haven’t read this series in a while so I was hoping that said calls may have been the precursor to a kick-ass horror movie plot but sadly, no. All the kids wind up alive, and Kristy gets away without any mortal wounds.

Sweeney: Excellent picture choice, Nugs. This sums up my feelings on the lack of injury to that whiny bitch Kristy.

Nugs: Can I also point out how there is no apostrophe in the word Baby-Sitters? Is it like, their club, which would make it Baby-Sitters’, and therefore a grammatical error? Or is it a club for baby sitters, in which case, there is no hyphen needed? Even as like, an eight year old, this really bothered me.

/educational rant.

Sweeney: YOU DIDN’T EVEN RE-READ THE FIRST BOOK. Claudia’s cunty older sister actually asked them about this. There is seriously an entire page dedicated to the question of whether or not there should be an apostrophe. Which is probably why I always hated that bitch. I mean, yeah, I’m a grammar nazi too, but I don’t feel the need to go around lecturing children with a hobby.

Nugs: Uh… um…

So, on to the plot (?). It’s pretty stupid. There’s a Halloween Hop at the school because apparently a DeLorean came and everyone now lives in the 50’s when there were Hops instead of actual dances. Some dude named Allan has a crush on Kristy because she’s not a lesbian yet (just wait a couple of years, Allan) and wants to invite her to this dance, but is too lame to do it to her face. He finds the BSC record book and always calls when Kristy is babysitting, but hangs up without speaking. Then, because he is totally normal, Allan sneaks into the house. Because that’s what totally sane people always do. Like Lor.

Eventually everyone realizes that Allan isn’t the Phantom Caller, just some little twerp with a hard-on for Kristy. He’s forced to confess his strong feelings of seventh-grade like, which don’t turn out that great for him because Kristy is definitely into girls now. Oh, well. Apparently, Claudia’s crush, Trevor Sandbourne, who “writes poetry” (a.k.a watches porn) has been doing the same thing to her because he likes her too, and now they’re goingtothedancetogetherOHMYGOD!!!!!!!!

Sweeney: Whatever. Allan had his own issues, as evidenced by the fact that he had the hots for that annoying little shit, Kristy.

Nugs: Oh yeah, the “phantom caller” is caught at the end, in case two of you care.

Seriously guys, can we please stay focused on the fact that these girls are TWELVE YEARS OLD and taking care of babies? Does no one else see the neurological impact of this?

BTW, Claudia wears purple suspenders and lobster earrings in this book. Together. Really? I know she’s supposed to be this fashion-forward artistic right brain or whatever, but I always thought her clothes were kind of disgusting.

Sweeney: YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH. Claudia was a visionary. A VISIONARY. . . yeah, or, you know, she was twelve and was probably allowed to start dressing herself before she was really ready.

Nugs: Anyway, yeah. There’s a big happy ending where everyone dances around together in a big naked flamey maraca circle and oh sorry, that was just the dream I had last night.

BSC #3- NUGS AND THE FIERY PIT OF AWKWARD SHAME.

Sweeney: I don’t appear to have that one in my collection, Nugs.

Next time on The Baby-sitters Club: What is secret is Stacey hiding that makes a giant cupcake on the updated covers of BSC totally inappropriate? Find out in BSC #3 – The Truth About Stacey.

Nugs (all posts)

I'm Nugs, the resident In-House Snark Squad Organizational Psychotic, or as Lor, calls it, "Prodigy." I cover the BSC along with Sweeney, Goosebumps, and whatever else I occasionally sneak into. I'm a native New Yorker stuck in LA, so my first language is Brooklynese, with a smattering of colloquial English. I'm a total sci-fi and comic book geek, which the Ladies have fostered by adding to my "impressive" collection of robots and action figures, even though they claim to be afraid of me. Also, if Ryan Gosling ever happens to accidentally stumble upon my posts I will probably be arrested. Oh haaaai.

Nicole Sweeney (all posts)

Nicole is the co-captain of Snark Squad and these days she spends most of her time editing podcasts. She spends too much time on Twitter and very occasionally vlogs and blogs. In her day job she's a producer, editor, director, and sometimes host of educational YouTube channels. She loves travel, maps, panda gifs, and semicolons. Writing biographies stresses her out; she crowd sourced this one years ago and has been using a version of it ever since. She would like to thank Twitter for their help.