BSC #003 “The Truth About Stacey”- Cupcakes are delicious, yo.

Previously: Claudia got some creepy phone calls but all’s well that ends well because it led to Kristy having a date. Stalking is romantic.

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Nugs: I’d just to like to let you guys know that when I looked up the cover of the book to post a graphic, I found this, newly revamped:

Considering “The Truth About Stacey” is that she’s a fucking diabetic (oops. Too soon in the recap?), doesn’t that seem kind of, um, mean? It’s like when I watch Supernatural and Dean takes off his shirt and we’re separated by a big, glass screen. He’s RIGHT THERE and technically I could do all sorts of illegal stuff to him if I wanted to but it would only be in my head and oh my God stop.

Sweeney: I THOUGHT THE SAME THING WHEN I BOUGHT IT. I just found my original copy over the weekend, shortly after purchasing books 2&3 for this blog, so that copy remains unopened, but I was a little unsettled by that cover choice. Since I think Stacey’s just the coolest, I really don’t appreciate Ann M. Martin’s rudeness.

I also love that you’re going out of your way to use this picture in as many places as possible. The blogosphere thanks you.

Nugs: I feel like I owe it to the general populace. No thanks needed. Money, however, is always a viable option.

Anyway, this book opens with Kristy figuring out what to do when Mrs. Newton has her baby, because apparently Kristy has now been named Ruler of the Universe. Here’s an interesting theory, Kristy: Why don’t you let Mrs. Newton’s husband make that choice? Ass. The BSC decides to be available every waking minute after the baby is born and I’m thinking, don’t these girls go to school? No, because they’re like, four years old.

Sweeney: Kristy is seriously going out of her way to claim the title of the world’s most annoying twelve year old, which is a seriously impressive feat. That’s like being crowned the biggest tool in the Jersey Shore house. I know she’s fictional, but I resent even her fake existence.

Nugs: Claudia’s bitch sister Janine bursts into the room waving a flyer in their faces about (shock! horror!) ANOTHER Baby Sitter’s club! This one is an agency, and they’re eighth graders, which means they make out with boys (sorry, Kristy) and smoke cigarettes.

Sweeney: I think my favorite is the way Claudia describes them: “They have smart mouths, they sass the teachers, they hate school they hang around at the mall. You know that kind of kid.”

Nugs: That’s like, every kid in the history of ever, so thanks for clearing that up, Ann M. Martin or ghostwriter (yes, ghostwriter. I was taken aback by this, too).

Kristy, ever the Ninja, calls Liz, the “head” of the Agency, and says that she needs a sitter for her brother, “Winston Churchill.” Liz is an idiot and doesn’t get the reference. Really?

Sweeney: And weren’t the 7th graders just kicking off their school year with reports on Paraguay two books ago? Seriously? 8th graders in this same system don’t even know enough to recognize the name Winston Churchill!?

Nugs: After I’m done laughing hysterically at the inadequacies of the Connecticut school system, we finally get down with The Truth About Stacey: she has diabetes. Her parents are on her ass to go see some miracle doctor, which frankly scares the shit out of me. The doctor is back home in New York, but they make it sound like some asshole with a bone through his nose in a forest. I don’t blame you, Stacey.

BTW, I completely forgot how much I HATED those fucking journal entries. They filled me with rage, and my handwriting, by admission of many a friend and coworker, sucks. I always kind of liked Stacey, though, because I too was a kid living in Manhattan.

God, I was dumb.

Sweeney: In your defense, being a kid from California is probably the beginning and end of why I thought Dawn was the greatest character in all of literature. Because kids are dumb.

Nugs: We finally get to hear about Stacey’s best friend, Laine Cummings, which COME ON, Ann M. Martin. That is a total porn star name and you KNOW it’s not the classy art-house shit with a pretend plot and pizza delivery boys. Laine is a total bitch, anyway. She just didn’t UNDERSTAND, yo.

Sweeney: Since Where Are They Now has totally been done for the real BSC girls, we should definitely give a WATN breakdown for all of the useless characters. Like this future porn star. Or Kristy’s boyfriend, Stalky McGee from the last book.

Nugs: Kristy decides (of course) to recruit two new sitters, and even at like, seven years old I could see where this was going. When one of the girls doesn’t show up to take care of their charge it’s revealed that they were spies for the Agency! What is this, some sort of James Bond shit? You’re thirteen-year-olds. Shouldn’t you be sitting around with your My Little Ponies somewhere, putting your hair in an EZ-Bake Oven and braiding your cupcakes? Oh wait, I switched that around.

Sweeney: I kind of wish Kristy would have stuck her head in an oven. Jokes. butnotreally.

Nugs: Basically the Club decides to be mature and just tattle on the Agency. Huh. I guess that is a good plan. Bitches get SCHOOLED.

Stacey and her parents go to New York to see the “miracle” doctor and in doing so make her stay with the Cum Dumpster even though they’re no longer friends because Laine made fun of her diabetes. To sum it up: the doctor sucks, another doctor says that Stacey is normal and Stacey forgives the Cum Dumpster because she lends Stacey seventy-five cents. Which one has a future in the sex trade?

When Stacey gets back to Connecticut, the Agency’s disbanded, there’s a BSC celebratory cheer (gross), and the school has a dance, but that’s irrelevant.

Hooray.

Next time on the Baby-sitters Club: Will Mary-Anne ever be able to put cat posters on her wall? Find out in BSC #4 – Mary Anne Saves the Day.

Nugs (all posts)

I'm Nugs, the resident In-House Snark Squad Organizational Psychotic, or as Lor, calls it, "Prodigy." I cover the BSC along with Sweeney, Goosebumps, and whatever else I occasionally sneak into. I'm a native New Yorker stuck in LA, so my first language is Brooklynese, with a smattering of colloquial English. I'm a total sci-fi and comic book geek, which the Ladies have fostered by adding to my "impressive" collection of robots and action figures, even though they claim to be afraid of me. Also, if Ryan Gosling ever happens to accidentally stumble upon my posts I will probably be arrested. Oh haaaai.

Nicole Sweeney (all posts)

Nicole is the co-captain of Snark Squad and these days she spends most of her time editing podcasts. She spends too much time on Twitter and very occasionally vlogs and blogs. In her day job she's a producer, editor, director, and sometimes host of educational YouTube channels. She loves travel, maps, panda gifs, and semicolons. Writing biographies stresses her out; she crowd sourced this one years ago and has been using a version of it ever since. She would like to thank Twitter for their help.