Fifty Shades of Grey Chapter 06: Big? Big. Really big. Big.

Previously: Ana used Grey’s toothbrush.
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Lorraine: After their “fuck the paperwork,” spur-of-the-moment kiss in the elevator, Ana is thrown. It’s only happened approximately 30 seconds ago, but she’s already thinking it wasn’t real and that she imagined it all.

Aw. It’s kind of cute how crazy you are, Ana.

Grey isn’t saying anything about the kiss and just turns on some music. It’s some opera stuff which opens the door for a discussion on Grey’s musical tastes. He likes, “everything from Thomas Tallis to the Kings of Leon,” and to prove it, plays “Sex on Fire.”

Aw. How cool that when Grey says it, I’m kind of reminded of herpes.

Grey receives a couple of phone calls, including one from his brother. Elliot wants to know if he took advantage of the blacked out girl he carried out of the bar last night. I mean, he doesn’t say it exactly like that but it’s what’s insinuated by his asking if he got laid, right?

Grey lets Elliot know that he’s on speaker phone, Ana is in the car, and that they’ll be at her apartment shortly.

Ana wonders, like I have many times, why Grey keeps calling her by her government name. He’s all, “’cause it’s your name,” and Ana’s all, “thanks, I prefer Ana.” Grey is all, “well fuck you,” because he calls her Anastasia one second later. Respecting other people’s preferences is for suckers, not for hottie billionaires.

Grey says that he won’t kiss Ana again unless it’s “premeditated.”

Aw. It’s funny how when Grey uses premeditated, I think murder.

Ana realizes that even though she’s never told Grey where she lives, he’s pulled up to her house, no problem.

“Of course he knows where I live. What able, cell-phone-tracking, helicopter owning stalker wouldn’t?
Why won’t he kiss me again?”

The real question here, dearest Ana, is why do you want to kiss the stalker of your life? How are those two thoughts coming one after the other?

Ana tells Grey she happens to have liked what happened in the elevator and hops out of the car. Grey is a little surprised.

They find Elliot and Kate in the apartment and Ana continues to be the worst friend of all by using this time to be extremely judgmental. She says that Kate is melting and being “comely” and “compliant.” Oh, really? Those are the words you want to use to describe Kate? Holler at me in a few chapters, girlfriend.

Elliot says it’s time to go, and affectionately kisses Kate and says, “laters, baby.”

Aw. That’s cute that the author thinks anyone would say that. Ever.

Ana is jealous that Kate gets a goodbye kiss and she doesn’t. Grey does fix her hair though! She had a strand out of place.

Once the boys are gone, Kate is all, “so, did you do it?” Ana says no, but does not in fact yell, “DUDE. I WAS PASSED OUT. WHY IS THIS AN ACCEPTABLE QUESTION?” Instead, she takes this time to pout some more about how pretty Kate is and how she always gets the sex.

Ana shares that she’s going to Seattle with Grey that night and Kate wants to know if they’ll “do it” then. Ana says she sure hopes so. Kate wants to do a make-over, because everyone knows that if you wear a pony-tail, you need a makeover.

Grey picks up Ana from work and they drive to the airport together. You know how when you were a kid, you learned about “indoor” and “outdoor” voices? Ana is currently using her “low, husky voice.” It’s not laryngitis making a comeback; apparently she just really wants Grey.

Ana and Grey ride up to the roof of some building so they can hop on Grey’s helicopter. A random person informs us that all the checks are, uh, checked and stuff and the helicopter is ready for flying. Ana climbs in the helicopter and Grey buckles her into her seat with a harness and says, “no escaping.” Ana thinks this is awesome, especially after he peck kisses her, but this is in fact not awesome. If someone buckled me into a helicopter and said, “no escaping,” I’d be flipping the fuck out.

He adds, “I like this harness,” for good measure.

Grey spends the flight flying the helicopter and Ana spends it thinking about how she wants to lick his well defined jaw. Grey confesses that he’s never taken a woman flying.

They approach Seattle and Ana is nervous. We can tell because she’s second guessing her outfit choice and her breathing is “erratic.” This cracks me up because I can just imagine her wheezing and then like taking in big lung fulls, maybe breathing through her mouth, then her nose. You know. Erratic.

They land on a building named Escala, where Grey lives. He reminds Ana that she doesn’t have to do anything she doesn’t want to do. If that were true, I’m pretty we would have no book. Ana is all, “I would never do anything I didn’t want to do,” but she doesn’t even believe herself. She admits she’d do anything for some Grey booty.

Grey’s apartment is very big, very white and has lots of art. I’d tell you all the details James told me, but I actually like to keep my readers, thanks so much.

Grey offers Ana alcohol and it makes her a little pukey just thinking about it, but she takes it anyways. They sip on their white wine and have conversation like this:

“It’s a very big place you have here.”
“Big?”
“Big.”
“It’s big,” he agrees…

Guys, I think his place is big.

Their rousing conversation leads them to talk about the Tess of the D’Urberville books Grey gifted her in an earlier chapter. She wants to know why that book specifically.

“It seemed appropriate. I could hold you to some impossibly high ideal like Angel Clare or debase you completely like Alec D’Urberville,” he murmurs, and his GRAY! eyes flash dark and dangerous.

(The GRAY! emphasis is mine.)

C. None of the above, asshole.

Ana says that if there are only two options she’ll go with Debasement for $1000. Grey tells her she has no idea what she’s saying and also to stop biting her lip. Again.

Grey runs out of the room for a second and comes back with a non disclosure agreement. Ana is confused and he clarifies that it means that she can’t talk to anyone about any part of their relationship. Ana’s all, “no big,” and goes to sign it. Grey tells her she should probably never sign something she hasn’t read, but dammit, Ana really, really wants sex! She signs, mostly because she knows that she doesn’t even like any of her friends enough to want to talk to them.

She wants to know if signing the NDA means that they can “make love.”

Except, no.

“No, Anastasia, it doesn’t. Firstly, I don’t make love. I fuck…hard. Secondly, there’s a lot more paperwork to do and thirdly, you don’t yet know what you’re in for. You could still run for the hills.”

Aw.

No, not really. FUCK THE PAPERWORK.

Ana thinks all of that sounds hot. Probably not really the paperwork part, but you know, the other stuff. Grey says it’s time to show her his playroom and Ana’s all, “you want to play XBOX?”

LOL. Aw. That’s cute that you thought your stalker boyfriend made you sign an NDA so you wouldn’t tell his friends he plays XBOX.

Christian leads her through his apartment, unlocks a door and she “feels like [she’s] time traveled back to the sixteenth century and the Spanish inquisition.”

Sexy!

Next time on Fifty Shades of Grey: Grey and Ana review a sexy-times contract but Ana’s got a secret that makes Grey growl. Find out what it is in Chapter 7.

Marines (all posts)

I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.