Fifty Shades of Grey Chapter 19 – The Evil Kenevil of Panties

Previously: 18 chapters later, we finally get some BDSM playroom action. The only thing I can say is that Ana ended up fearing her orgasms. Dreading them, really. Best sex ever!

Chapter 1   .   Chapter 2   .   Chapter 3   .  Chapter 4   .  Chapter 5   .   Chapter 6   .   Chapter 7   .   Chapter 8   .   Chapter 9   .    Chapter 10    . Chapter 11   .  Chapter 12  .  Chapter 13  .   Chapter 14   .  Chapter 15    .  Chapter 16   .   Chapter 17     .      Chapter 18

Lor: Grey is waking Ana up with soft kisses but napping is better than any kiss, so Ana turns around and tries to keep sleeping. I approve.

Grey tells Ana she has to wake up because they have to be at his parent’s house for dinner in half an hour. Ana is nervous about meeting Grey’s parents, especially because he’s just “worked [her] over with a riding crop and tied [her] up using a cable [she] sold him, for heaven’s sake.” As if the fact that she sold him the cable has any bearing on this.

Oh, he tied you up? That’s cool. WAIT YOU SOLD HIM THE CABLE?

Further note to Ana: His parents won’t know, especially if you calm the hell down.

After Grey leaves the room, Ana gets up and notices that her dress and bra are laid out for her. She notes that her panties aren’t around and remembers that Grey “squirreled them away.”

Squirreled away, you say? So he saw your undies and thought, “yep. Might need these later?” That’s cool.

“I steal into the bathroom bewildered by my lack of underwear.”

Okay, I see now: James had a thesaurus handy. Let’s have another visit from our friend Merriam Webster, for a second:

Is Ana REALLY that confused about not having her underwear, even though she’s just clearly remembered that Grey has them? Is this really that complex or varying? WHY IS SHE SO CONFUSED?

After Ana showers, she realizes that Grey’s squirreling her panties on purpose.

He wants me to be embarrassed and ask for my panties back, and he’ll either say yes or no. My inner goddess grins at me. Hell… two can play at that particular game. Resolving there and then not to ask him for them and not give him that satisfaction, I shall go meet his parents sans culottes. Anastasia Steele! My subconscious chides me, but I don’t want to listen to her – I almost hug myself with glee because I know this will drive him crazy.

Oh, for the love of God.

1.) You were JUST freaking out because you are meeting his parents hours after sex. BUT MEETING THEM WITHOUT UNDERWEAR ON DOESN’T BOTHER YOU? Yeah. Right.

2.) “I shall go meet his parents sans culottes.”

3.) Do you really, really want to drive your stalker-psychotic-violent boyfriend crazy, my dear?

So, Ana gets dressed sans culottes.

“I removed the braid and hastily brush out my hair, then glance down at the drink he’s left. It’s pale pink. What’s this? Cranberry and sparkling water. Hmm… it takes delicious and quenches my thirst.”

Ana, you’re cheating on orange juice? How could you?!

(No, but seriously, holy clunky writing. Why do we care? Why is that paragraph necessary?)

(Answers: We don’t. It isn’t.)

“I check myself in the mirror: eyes bright, cheeks slightly flushed, slightly smug look because of my panty plan, and I head downstairs.”

“Panty plan!” LOL. If you’ll recall that one time Ana stole Grey’s boxers, you’ll soon realize she’s just a downright Panty Prankster.

“Christian is standing by the panoramic window, wearing the grey flannel pants that I love, the ones that hang in that unbelievably sexy way off his hips, and of course, a white linen shirt. Doesn’t he have any other colors?”

1.) James keeps doing this thing where she flips between using “gray” and “grey” for the color and it’s irritating my liver. At this point, I don’t even care that you are a British author with American characters. JUST PICK ONE. STICK TO IT.

2.) It’s GRAY! Of course he doesn’t have any other colors.

3.) Since hanging his pants off his kneecaps would probably mean he was taking a shit, and hanging them off his elbow would be inappropriate for meeting his parents, his sexy sexy flannel pants are still hanging off his hips. In case you were wondering.

Ana gets downstairs and Grey’s all eye-brow-wiggly at her, expecting her to bring up the panties, but he doesn’t yet know she’s the Panty Prankster. Instead, Ana brings up the fact that Grey is listening to Sinatra. “Eclectic tastes,” Grey murmurs.

The song playing is one of her dad’s favorites. Grey touches her cheek and she feels it “down there.” These two thoughts are apparently unconnected, you know her father and her vagina, but James connects them anyways.

Grey murmur-asks Ana to dance with him, and so they do. Even though Ana has the approximate grace of a fainting goat, they dance together wonderfully because Grey is just that good.

He murmurs a few lyrics and then it’s time to leave. Grey prompts Ana again, asking if there is anything she’s missing, and Ana says nope. She’s all set. “If that’s the way you want to play it,” Grey says.

As soon as they’re on the elevator, Ana is all, “oh shit. I don’t have any panties on.”

“In the relative safety of his apartment, it seemed like a fun, teasing idea. Now, I’m almost outside with No Panties!”

Capitalization is all hers, friends.

At first, Grey seems amused but then he looks at Ana and “his expression clouds” meaning that he’s mad or that his face has a 70% chance of rain.

When the elevator doors open, Grey gestures for Ana to exit first in a “most gentlemanly manner.”

“Who’s he kidding? He’s no gentleman. He has my panties.”

Words. They cannot express how much I love this. You sir! You are no gentleman! YOU HAVE MY PANTIES.

“Taylor draws up in the large Audi. Christian opens the rear door for me, and I climb inside as elegantly as I can, considering my state of wanton undress. I’m grateful that Kate’s plum dress is so clingy and hangs to the top of my knees.”

Fine, but:

1.) What do you mean considering your state? Like if you did have panties on you’d be flashing them to everyone and their mother as you climbed in the car? Please, don’t.

2.) “Wanton undress?” YOU ARE NOT NAKED. Which leads me to:

3.) It’s not that big a deal, Ana. I mean, I’m not a big fan of going commando, but if the dress is THAT clingy, aren’t there plenty of woman who would avoid the panty line all together? I’m not sure. For real. Educate me in the comments.

And a bonus:

4.) Remember how last chapter we wonder if maybe Ana was wearing the same dress for like days in a row? She’s wearing it again. So, yes, probably.

As they drive, Grey is getting moodier and moodier. Ana tries to small talk him, and asks where he learned to dance. He’s all, “you sure you wanna go there?” and Ana murmurs her yes. He says Mrs. Robinson (you know. MRS. RAPE.) was fond of dancing.

Ana is sad because Robinson taught him well and she has exactly zero life skills to teach him. I think she’s being tough on herself, though, because her Inner Goddess does a mean gentle, victorious samba.

She starts wondering if perhaps Mrs. Robinson ruined Grey. She did, after all, introduce him to BDSM, back when was a fetus or 15 or whatever.

“She taught him all that, too, or ruined him, depending on one’s point of view.”

Yep. Ruined! I vote ruined. Though not for the same reason Ana thinks so.

I realize, in that moment, that I hate her. I hope that I never meet her because I will not be responsible for my actions if I do. I can’t remember ever feeling this passionately about anyone, especially someone I’ve never met. Gazing unseeing out of the window, I nurse my irrational anger and jealousy.

This bothers me so much. I mean, at face value it’s fine, because Ana is angry and this is a very angry-making situation. But do you want to know why Ana is angry? Because Robinson introduced Grey to BDSM. She “ruined” him.

We already know that Ana is NOT cut out for this lifestyle, here further exemplified by the fact that she equates participation in it to ruining. She wishes she could have Grey independent of BDSM and she blames Robinson for making that impossible. Whatever. I don’t even care about this logic. Why?

BECAUSE EVERYONE IS IGNORING THAT HE WAS RAPED. HE WAS 15. SHE WAS OLD. THIS IS DISGUSTING.

That should make Ana angry. But that doesn’t matter because what Ana’s really worried about is herself and the fact that she can’t get what she wants and she needs someone to blame.

I need another finger gun.

Ana realizes that given his preferences, Grey’s going easy on her. She wonders if she’d ever go in the Red Room of Pain again, and decides yes, she would. Not because she wants to but because she wants Grey that badly and it’s the only way to be with him. Her Inner Goddess is super happy they are deciding to do things they don’t like for a man!

Grey interrupts with a murmured, “don’t.” He continues that Ana shouldn’t over think things. He kisses her hand and thanks her for the afternoon, so I guess he’s being nice now.

After some talk about cable ties, Grey goes quiet again and Ana gets lost in even! more! thought!

“His world, indeed, and I want to belong in it, but on his terms? I just don’t know.”

Wait, wait, wait. Didn’t she just decide that she wanted to be with him and would do all the BDSM things if that meant staying with him like one second ago? Of course she did but if she didn’t go back and forth on everything, including walking around sans culottes, this book would be 30 pages long.  I HATE THIS BOOK.

Grey graces us with the first whisper of the chapter when they arrive at his parents house. “Bet you wish you were wearing your underwear right now,” Grey says and I laugh.

Ana doesn’t think that’s funny. She forgot about her missing panties, she tells us, which really? You did? Because you were fuh-reaking out about them, so I find it hard to believe that you suddenly got accustomed to the draft, if you know what I mean.

Dr. Trevelyan-Grey and Mr. Grey are standing outside of their colonial style mansion, waiting to greet their guests.

The Greys are all really hug-y and affectionate. Grey’s sister Mia, especially. She’s a little bundle of energy and tells us that Grey’s never brought home a girl before.

I’m shocked!

Kate and Elliot are already in the living room and they greet Ana with equal affection. To break the awkward, Mr. Grey asks if they would like drinks. “Please,” they say, accepting the drinks in unison. Mia squeals all, ‘OMG YOU SAID THE SAME WORD. IT’S LURVE.” Except that it was “please” at an offer for a drink, idiot. It’s what 87% of all humanity would’ve said in that situation.

Ana flushes a deep green. JUST KIDDING. SHE FLUSHES SCARLET. Ana’s really boring with her constantly only blushing red colors. #lame

Anyways, she’s flushing because she thinks that Grey only invited her here because Elliot invited Kate. She thinks maybe he felt pressured to invite someone too. The fact that she thinks that Kate being here would force Grey to do anything really goes to show that 1.) She doesn’t know Grey at ALL and 2.) Her self esteem seems to be getting worse! Right before our very eyes.

Grey says, “sit,” and points at the couch and Ana obeys. If I were her, I’d be less worried about his family knowing about her Panty Pranking ways and more about Grey reining in the whole master and commander bit.

The group gets to talking about vacation. Kate is going to Barbados and Dr. Grey announces that Elliot has decided to join her. Kate smiles at this and Ana thinks, “Katherine Kavanagh, show some dignity!”

That fucking Katherine Kavanagh! So undignified with her “dating men” and “vacationing” and being “excited.” I bet she’s not even wearing any panties! Oh… wait…

Ana casually mentions that she was thinking of going to Georgia for a few days and Grey is pissed.

Even though she says she was thinking about going, she’s actually pretty much decided to leave the next day. Mr. Grey tries to break the awkward again, but Grey isn’t having it. He asks how long she’ll be gone for and Ana says it’ll depend on how her interviews go.

Kate does her best to diffuse the situation and says that Ana deserves a break.

“Why is she so antagonistic towards him? What is her problem?”

Katherine, that bitch, and her saying Ana deserves a break! PFFT.

As they are about to go in for dinner, Grey holds Ana back and asks when she was going to tell him about this. Ana’s all, “I was only thinking about it.” Grey mentions their arrangement and Ana says that they don’t have an arrangement quite yet. Grey whisper-threatens that the conversation is not over.

At the dinner table, the wine flows and Ana whisper-asks Grey not to be mad at her. He admits that he is, and Ana wants to know if he’s “palm-twitchingly mad.”

I’ve tried to reign in my comments about the whole Dom/sub lifestyle because I know nothing about it and I could not care less about the sex people have. I also truly believe that this book completely misrepresents it, much like it misrepresents “literature” and, um, “English.”

That said, this is why I CANNOT get behind the Grey/Ana thing. It’s one thing for two consenting adults to agree to a sexual arrangement; to get off on however much pain is pleasurable to them. But. When Ana says something like are you “palm-twitchingly mad” it has NOTHING to do with pleasure. It has to do with anger and abuse.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: that any woman could stand behind this book, when it is so evidently clear Ana is a victim of severe manipulation, on the cusp of domestic violence, is truly, truly beyond me.

Sorry. On with the funny:

Kate interjects and asks what they are whispering about. Ana flushes tangerine and deflects, saying something about Georgia, so Kate takes the conversation in this direction:

“How was Jose when you went to the bar with him on Friday?”

Holy fuck, Kate. I widen my eyes at her. What is she doing? She widens her eyes back at me, and I realize she’s trying to make Christian jealous. How little she knows. I thought I’d got away with this.

“He was fine,” I murmur.

“Palm-twitchingly mad,” he whispers. “Especially now.

I’m going to say this now about Kate and truly mean it: bitch.

Dinner is served by a young, blonde woman who is wearing pigtails and who blushes while gazing at Grey. I’m not sure if this is significant. I’m really tired of this chapter.

Ana’s thinking about how horribly the evening has gone so far– for her – and flushes cerulean as she thinks about how all her afternoon sex made her hungry. They eat and chat about measles and baseball.

Baseball was a thing in Twilight, right? Please, for those of you who’ve read Twilight, feel free to notice and point out all the similarities. As I understand, Mia is basically Alice.

Ana keeps thinking about her woeful life as she wonders if Grey will punish her and if maybe she shouldn’t just hide out in Georgia forever.

The Blonde staff girl appears again to clear the table and she keeps brushing up near Grey. Ana thinks, “he may be fifty shades of fucked up, but he’s mine.”

I CAN’T KEEP UP WITH YOU BOOK. TWO SENTENCES AGO YOU WERE PLANNING ON RUNNING AWAY TO GEORGIA. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE JUST MAKE UP YOUR MIND.

The gang gets to talking about Paris. These people are so awesome and so hilarious that at one point Mia just -whoopsies!- starts talking in fluent French. Grey tells her what she’s done in equally fluent French and we all politely laugh over our tuna tartare.

Ana watches Elliot and Kate be all cute and normal and attracted to each other. It makes her sigh and stare up at Grey who she now calls “Fifty Shades.” Oh, Lord.

As she’s thinking about how hot Grey is, her Restless Lip Syndrome flares up and Grey murmur-tells her to stop biting it because he wants to. Well, if he wants to bit his lip, he should. OH! Her lip. He wants to bite her lip. Got it.

As the boring, boring, boring conversations continues, Grey lets his hand travel up Ana’s thigh and her breath hitches. Finally, Grey asks if Ana wants a tour of the grounds. Ana knows she’s meant to say yes but “she doesn’t trust him.” Romantical.

It doesn’t matter, because Grey doesn’t wait for an answer. He just stands up and grabs her, leads her outside and pulls her through the backyard. Ana asks him to stop so that she can remove her heels and he says, “don’t bother,” and picks her up and throws her over his shoulder.

She squeals but he growls at her to keep her voice down. Ana wants to know where they are going and he snaps, “boathouse.” She questions him and he says that he needs to be alone with her so that he can “spank and then fuck [her].”

Ana wants to know why he’s going to spank her, and Grey is now a snake, because he hisses that she knows why. I don’t know if hissing or growling is more worrying to me. Ana reminds him that he claimed to be an in the moment guy and Grey assures her that he is in the moment.

We end the chapter with Ana thinking, “holy fuck.”

Right? That’s what I’m saying.

 

Murmur Count – 9
Whisper Count – 4

 

Chapter 20

 

Favorite comment last post: Maybe Ana was quoting Shakespeare for the good doctor?

“…that which we call Christian by any other name would still smell as Christian. So Christian would, were he not Christian call’d.” Maybe that’s why we’re continually assaulted by his Christian-smell-edness? Yeah, maybe not.

Also, is narcolepsy a side effect of Restless Lip Syndrome? Or does Grey’s running sex-monologue take that much out of her? I can’t understand how she can be so damned sleepy after what sounds like a few minute’s worth of intercourse. Drink a Red Bull, FFS. – Dani Denatti