Dear Traumateers,
Lorraine: Sweeney and I exchange an absurd number of emails that talk about all the different ways we want to improve SS.com. A lexicon! More videos! New series! Glitter and sparkles that fly out of the screen and envelop you in warmth whenever you come to visit! You know. Stuff like that.
Sweeney: I have been working on the code for that, but so far the glitter and sparkles just sort of choke you instead of enveloping you in warmth. I think they have been getting lessons on how to be sparkling from Christian Grey.
Lorraine: No one was harmed during the testing of this code. Or no one we really liked, anyways.
This week one of my suggestions to Sweenz was a little housekeeping post, which led to the idea of a monthly post that will allow us to recap what’s happened, announce any upcoming features and also let us touch base with all you Traumateers. So, even though we are a week into September, I only had this idea like yesterday, so this post is not technically late and we will now talk about all the cool shit that happened in August and what’s coming up next.
Sweeney: Think of it as that moment at the end of the after-school-special when the hero(ine(s)) opine about the events of the episode, via monologue either to the camera, a diary, or some other character who is just supposed to sit silently and listen to the whole deep-soul-searching speech. The purpose is to make sure that you, the stupid kid at home, understood The Grand Life Lesson. Only, we don’t actually have Grand Life Lessons, other than the knowledge that those lessons were all stupid.
tl;dr: Introducing a monthly recap. We do what we want.
Last Month:
Lorraine: We posted a whole freakin’ lot. Some where in the back of our heads, we know we will not be able to keep up this pace, but in the meanwhile, POSTS! POSTS! POSTS! POSTS! POSTS! POSTS! EVERYBODY.
Sweeney: No, but seriously. Almost every single weekday in August saw a new post on this blog, and we have a lot to say about everything, so they were long ass posts. This is my way of saying: a millionty thank yous and hugs to those of who actually read all or most of it. And also maybe we’ll just continue to value this blog over our actual lives and keep at this POSTS ALL THE TIME ALWAYS game. The congratulatory email fist bumps we give each other for it are pretty nice.
Lor: “That post we just posted was AWESOME!” <– Actual thing that has happened.
Sweeney: Frequently.
Lor: Here’s a look at all the awesome posts from August:
In Sunnydale, Buffy had a beeper in a case of apocalypse, Xander became a hyena, Darla finally bit it, a demon possessed the Internet, a dummy was kind of a dick, and Buffy’s worst nightmare made me cry. I MEAN, there was something in my eye.
Sweeney: And you learned to like something you covered! Oh, no, that wasn’t until this month, was it? Sorry, I’m placing too much pressure on poor August.
Lor: And poor August did have to deal with a lot: in Fifty Shades of Grey, Grey punish-sexes Ana in the boat house, Sweeney gets a chapter so boring she missed Twilight, and Ana goes to Georgia to get away from Grey but he follows her there.
To celebrate our 100th post we subjected ourselves to theoretically being the dumb kid in a Goosebumps book. We have video proof.
In original flavor stuff, Elizabeth Wakefield was kidnapped.
Sweeney: And book reports! Lor wrote another book report, with awesome grading criteria that I think should be implemented in classrooms across the nation.
Nuts and Bolts:
Lor: We’re working on a better way to organize our tags, while also giving you a working lexicon of sorts, complete with character and author bios. Totally serious ones with no snark at all.
LOLJUSTKIDDING. If you see a pink link, click on it for a definition and a list of related posts. Hang with us as we work on getting this all in order.
Sweeney: We like to think of this as bonus content. Also a better way of recognizing some of the particularly fun tags.
Coming Up:
Sweeney: Next week is a fun project that is actually legitimately a week late, but only because we wanted Buffy to be a part of it. We have actually planned our schedule around that bitch, because we love her that much. Also because of Childhood Trauma? I’m not sure how much longer “Cordelia named our blog,” will be a legitimate thing. Maybe forever. (L: Probably.)
ANYWAY, around the same time Lor started the Buffy recaps, I mentioned adding Beverly Hills 90210 to the mix, once I returned to the US and my Season 1 DVDs. (Oh yes, I own them, and they are hot pink magic.)
We have introduced a lot of new things and changes and the like over the last few months (see above and also everywhere), but we have started to get a bit of a routine going here. Obviously the fact of acquiring a routine was so magical that we felt we needed to reward ourselves with SUPER SPECIAL BLITZ MAGIC TIME.
Lorraine: “Hey us! We’ve been amazingly consistent! Let’s mess that up with something completely different!!” <– True thing we thought.
Sweeney: Enter: Snark Squad’s Back To School Special, in which we spend a week recapping pilot episodes of TV shows about high school students.
The reasons for this are many.
1) We love aliteration, and look how many “s” words we put into one title!
2) The back to school special is sort of a hallmark of all the 90’s pop culture crap we consumed as kids, and is therefore fundamental to all that we hold dear.
3) Perhaps most importantly, as we value our ability to discourage productivity and encourage procrastination levels among both students and gainfully employed people all across the globe, we felt that this would be an excellent way to contribute to that cause.
4) Since most (all?) of our readers are no longer in high school, it’s a fun way to wax nostalgic about the life you don’t actually miss because you never actually had it, because it’s television and therefore all bullshit. But magical, awesome bullshit.
Mostly, though, it’s because of none of the above; mostly this is happening because I just wanted an excuse to watch 90210. There, I confessed. People have started to accept blog activity as legitimate responsibilities. “No, I really can’t help you with anything ever, because I have to watch Buffy tonight,” I say. “Oh, that’s perfectly reasonable, sorry I asked!” says… well, says nobody. Maybe one day, though. I can dream.
Any-rambling-way, the point is that we’re going to give you something fun to do instead of whatever way less fun thing it is that you are supposed to be doing. Because we care.
Lorraine: And we love you. Have we mentioned that part? So, on deck for next week, in addition to 90210, are the pilot episodes of Dawson’s Creek, Saved by the Bell, the OC and the season 2 premier of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. After that, more Grey, another book report and as always, some form of Childhood Trauma.
See you then,
♥
The Snark Squad
Sweeney: One last thing: we aren’t quite sure what to call these monthly updates. Any thoughts, from you, dear, faithful, clever, brilliant, gorgeous, insertflatteringadjectivehere readers?