Previously: Angelus got his murder on.
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Killed By Death
Kirsti: First things first. This episode involves hospitals, which required me to type the phrase ‘the doctor’ a bunch of times. And if you think I wrote every single one of them as “The Doctor” and then had to go back and fix them all later, you would be entirely correct. #Whovianproblems, y’all.
Lorraine: Okay, my first thing first: Man I love you for the title of this post.
Sweeney: Beginning that statement with “man” was very Xander-like of you. I read it in Xander’s voice. That’s probably the meanest thing I’ve ever said to you. I’m sorry.
Kirsti: This made me LOL. ANYWAY. We open with Buffy hacking up a lung and jumping over the wall of the cemetery. She’s clearly sick, but determined to do her Slayerly duty. She hears a noise behind a nearby crypt, and jumps around the corner, stake at the ready. She nearly stakes Xander while Willow and Cordy scream. I’m bummed about her not actually staking Xander, because SEASON TWO XANDER IS KILLING ME, YOU GUYS. He’s such a fucking douche canoe, I can’t stand it any more.
DO IT, BUFFY. STAKE HIM!!!
Anyway, the trio encourage Buffy to go be sick and disgusting elsewhere home, but she’s determined to stop Angelus from killing anybody else. At that, Angelus appears, and says “Oh, come on. Just one more?” He and Buffy fight, but she’s clearly not at full strength, and good GOD his dialogue is terrible. Cordy, Willow and Xander throw a coat over Angelus’ head (seriously) and then scare him off with crucifixes. Hurrah for the rookies!!
Lor: Please. It took them like two minutes to do anything useful. It does not take two minutes to take off a coat.
Sweeney: I was thinking the same thing. What the hell were they doing prior to this moment? Four hurrahs for you, Lor, AND NONE FOR THE ROOKIES.
K: I wonder how much less sucky they would have been if Oz and Giles had been there… Meanwhile, Buffy blacks out. Ruh roh.
After the credits, we’re at Sunnydale General Hospital. The doctors take Buffy (who’s still unconscious) through to the trauma room, while the gang wait outside and make phone calls. When Joyce arrives (AFTER Giles does, I should add), the doctor says that Buffy’s fine, but she needs to stay in hospital for a few days. Buffy’s kind of delirious and wants to go home, but the doctors drug her up and dump her in a room. Joyce reveals that Buffy’s hated hospitals since she was a kid, because Buffy’s cousin Celia died in a hospital when Buffy was eight, and Buffy was the only one in the room when it happened. Yeesh. Childhood trauma of the legitimate variety…
Lor: WHATEVER K. MY SWEET VALLEY TRAUMA IS LEGIT TOO.
K: It definitely is. Later that night, Buffy wakes in her hospital room to see a little kid standing outside the door. He walks away, and is followed by this:
NYARGH.
She gets out of bed to follow, and promptly has a flashback to when she was eight and ALSO walking down a hospital corridor. It seems hospitals when Buffy was a kid were big with the leaving trays of creepy instruments everywhere… Apparently it was all a dream, because she wakes up back in her hospital bed. She rips out her IV and starts wandering the halls for real, only to see a kid’s body covered in a sheet being wheeled out of the paediatric ward.
Inside, Buffy’s doctor is arguing with an older doctor about a dosage and how things need to be explained to the parents. Buffy turns around to see the kid from her dream, who says “He comes at night. The grown-ups don’t see him. He was with Tina. He’ll come back for us.” “Who?” Buffy asks, and the kid replies “Death.” Uh, creepy much?
Cut to the waiting room, where Xander is on guard. Angelus enters with a bunch of roses, whistling “Ode to Joy.” Because apparently getting your murder on leads to joy?? Xander points out the cops and the security guards and the orderlies and dares Angelus to attack him. There’s a whooooooole lot of testosterone flying around, which culminates in Angelus leaving. HURRAH.
Awww. Angelus brought Xander flowers!
Lor: If Angelus were smart at all his response would’ve been, “I’ll just blame it all on gangs and PCP.” But props to Xander. Yes, I just said props to Xander. I especially liked his, “you’re gonna die and I’m gonna be there.”
Sweeney: It was a pretty good moment for him. I’m glad he had a good moment like that in this episode after making my earlier comment.
K: They had to redeem him somehow! We then get another flashback, in which Celia is covered in cushions and pretending to be trapped in an avalanche. Mini!Buffy, pretending to be a superhero called “Power Girl”, saves her. It then cuts to a hospital flashback, with Mini!Buffy seeing Celia asleep in a hospital bed. I have to say, I LOVE that Mini!Buffy was pretending to be a superhero. I think it says worlds about her personality, you know?
Lor: My thoughts while watching this scene? “Hey look! They saved the plastic curtains from when a clown chased Xander!”
K: I’d never noticed that, but you’re probably right! Anyway, back in the present, Buffy wakes to find her fever’s gone and her fractured arm has miraculously healed. She wants to go home, but the doctor is reluctant. The gang enter to cheer Buffy up – Xander’s brought balloons, while Willow has done all of Buffy’s assignments for her. Aaaaah, the 90s. A time before Turnitin. Cordy, meanwhile, is cranky because no one told her to bring a gift. “It’s traditional among…uh…people“, Giles says, and:
The gang take Buffy for a stroll around the grounds in a wheelchair, and she fills them in on the night’s events. While Xander and Willow reflect on the possibility of Buffy having seen Death, Cordy delivers the following:
Cordelia: “So this isn’t about you being afraid of hospitals ’cause your friend died, and you want to conjure up a monster that you can fight so you can save everybody and not feel so helpless?”
Giles: “Cordelia, have you actually ever heard of tact?”
Cordelia: “Tact is just not saying true stuff. I’ll pass.”
Sweeney: That exchange is the essence of Cordelia’s character. Or, at least, the Cordelia that I find so incredibly awesome.
K: +1. Buffy insists that it has nothing to do with Celia, and she’s determined to find out what it was. Xander asks what they can do to help, and we cut to him and Cordy breaking into the hospital records room. They’re on the hunt for Tina (the dead kid)’s records in the hopes of finding what killed her. But while looking through a cupboard, Cordy is suddenly confronted by the hospital security guard, who I will never be able to take seriously, because it’s Carrie Bradshaw’s Gay BFF:
I’m sure his character in Sex and the City has a name, but I really hate that show, so I’m not going to look it up.
Back at the Wiggins Library, Giles isn’t particularly keen on getting down to research, because he thinks Cordy might be right, and Buffy’s just hallucinating. Willow, bless her, points out that they should probably look into things anyway, on account of HELLMOUTH. Giles says that a monster only visible to children doesn’t sound familiar, and then postulates that perhaps what the children are ACTUALLY seeing is an adult who creeps them out, so they consider it a monster. In typical Giles fashion, he gives a long-winded explanation for it, where I would have just said “Hey, remember that time all our nightmares came true and that kid Billy was picturing his Little League coach as a monster? LIKE THAT.” They decide that the older doctor is responsible and head off to look him up.
Lor: HEY! I linked to that same episode up there before I read this part of your recap. I’m gonna leave it because that was my second favorite episode of season 1.
K: Over at the hospital, Cordy is flirting with Carrie Bradshaw’s Gay BFF. Xander, meanwhile, has found the file, and is hiding behind a shelf. Cordy asked CBGBFF for the lowdown on Tina, and he says that Doctor Backer is a great man who understands the truth about children – that sometimes they die. To quote from another Joss Whedon creation, he’s “morbid and creepifying”. Xander makes a noise, and CBGBFF springs into action. Cordy distracts him by saying that he has the most perfect nose she’s ever seen, and while he’s distracted, Xander sneaks out of the room. Out in the hallway, he’s all jealous of Cordy flirting with CBGBFF, and tells her to take the file to Giles while he stays at the hospital to watch out for Buffy.
Sweeney: This I do not understand. XANDER, DID YOU SEE CBGBFF? I mean, I understand why you are generally insecure about your relationship with Cordelia, but seriously? Can a girl get a “Thank you” for flirting with Mr. Morbid and Creepifying in order to help you?
K: SRSLY. Cordy gets jealous in return, and makes a pun which Xander fails to understand, resulting in this explanation:
Cordy then storms off in a huff, and I don’t blame her at all.
Lor: I love me some Cordy that errs on the side of tactless and not on the side of ditz. She’s much better this way.
Sweeney: That’s what I just said! Up there! But technically after you said this. It’s whatever.
K: Buffy, meanwhile, is prowling the halls in her PJs and pays a visit to the paediatric ward. Ryan (the kid from before) tells her that they’re contagious and she should leave. Buffy says that she’s already got the flu, and when Ryan expresses doubt, says “What, you think because I’m a grown up??” AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, GURL. NO. NOT EVEN REMOTELY. Ryan, meanwhile, is drawing a picture of the Monster of the Week, and says that the monster will come again tonight. Buffy says that she’ll be on hand to fight it, and Ryan – quite possibly the most pessimistic child of EVER – says “You can’t fight death”. Yeesh. But it’s okay, because Buffy’s on hand to give him a pep talk!
Great pep talk, B.
Back at the Wiggins Library, Willow and Giles have found Dr. Backer’s information online. Apparently he’s been written up several times in the past for controversial and risky procedures. Giles joins the dots to “Yes, this is our guy” Town, and wishes he knew what Backer were doing to the kids. Which, now that I’ve written it sounds WAY worse than what I actually meant…
Sweeney: I mean, it’s pedo-bear v. child killer. They’re both pretty solidly in the “Things That Are Unthinkably Awful” zone.
K: Truth. Meanwhile, over at the hospital, Backer is going over test results in his office and fiddling around with test tubes. Xander, on the other hand, is falling asleep in the waiting room until Cordy shows up with Krispy Kremes and coffee. And I’m going to stop for a second and do a little dance, because I just realised that Cordy’s grown out her horrible fringe. HALLELUJAH!!
I like to imagine that she’s about to tell Xander to stop being a fucking idiot.
Sweeney: I love how much Cordelia is in this post. And I also love that her hair looks so good (by the high standards of Sunnydale), just in time.
K: Seeing as how Buffy’s hair is the uber-suck this season, someone has to have good hair instead! But I digress. We cut back to Dr. Backer walking the halls to the paediatric ward and Buffy spying on him. Backer approaches one of the kids and squirts something into her IV. He then gets attacked by an invisible beastie, which tears him to shreds in front of all the kids (further genuine childhood trauma) before dragging him off into the Hospital Basement of Don’t Go In There. Buffy tries to intervene, but she can’t see the beastie and gets knocked back.
The next morning, the gang gather in Buffy’s hospital room. Giles says that Tina died of the fever, but that her records show an improvement, followed by a sudden deterioration. They tell Buffy their theory about Backer, and she’s all “Nice try, but he’s monster food,” and hands Ryan’s drawing of the monster to Giles. “This is your work??” Giles asks, and LOL FOREVER because look:
Joyce enters and announces that the doctor has said Buffy can go home. Buffy refuses, saying that she feels “all oogy”. Joyce basically goes “Oh okay, I’ll go find the doctor and tell her”, which confuses me greatly because SINCE WHEN CAN YOU SAY “I want to stay in hospital” AND JUST HAVE THEM AGREE?
Surely there are other patients that need that bed? Especially in a demon and vampire filled town like Sunnydale! Oh look – there I go applying logic to BtVS again…
Lor: Seeing as how Buffy was attended immediately in the ER, and people in Sunnydale make up excuses for their injuries like, “best scavenger hunt ever!” maybe Sunnydale’s hospital isn’t as busy as one would think.
K: Huh. Good point, Lor. Buffy and Willow plan to break into Backer’s office. Apparently Willow’s good at medical stuff because she and Xander “used to play doctor all the time” When Cordy gives Xander the stink eye, he says that Willow literally used to use medical textbooks to diagnose him with stuff, and he didn’t have the heart to tell her she was doing it wrong. Giles gets his “OH GOD PLEASE LET THEM STOP TALKING” face, and leaves with Cordy to do research on the monster.
The Great Office Break-in of 1998 reveals that Backer was trying to dose the kids with a low level dose of the virus they already had. Back at the library, Cordy spends all her time going “Ew, what does this do?” and generally making Giles exasperated. Conveniently, Cordy then shuts a book with the monster’s picture on the front cover. She rings Buffy at the hospital to tell her the news. Buffy’s reply is “Who is this?” which makes me LOL. Anyway, the beastie is called Der Kindestod, meaning “child death”, and he sucks the life out of children. The longer I spend watching this episode, the more I’m reminded of the Supernatural episode, Something Wicked…
Sweeney: I loved the whole phone exchange between Buffy and Cordelia. While it would get old quickly if this happened all the time, it was the sort of conversation that needed to happen in a show about a high school girl who kills demons.
K: YES. I’m sad it doesn’t happen more often. Aaaaaaanyway. Giles tells Buffy that Der Kindestod kills by sitting on top of its prey and sucking out its life force, and that it must be terrifying for the victim. Buffy has another flashback, and this time Celia is screaming bloody murder in her hospital bed while Mini!Buffy stands by helplessly, unable to see what’s attacking her cousin.
Sucks to be Celia…
Back in the present, Buffy realises that only sick people can see the monster, and that she can’t fight what she can’t see. So she and Willow head over to Backer’s office to dose Buffy up with some more flu from the test tubes in his fridge.
Lor: The security guards that work this hospital must have the night shift at the nearby museum.
K: +1. Out in the hallway, Buffy’s being hit by the New!Flu already. She gets to the paediatric ward, but the kids have done a runner into the Basement of Don’t Go In There. It’s been a while since we’ve needed a #kidsaredumbyo in a Buffy post. Welcome back, old friend! As Buffy watches the ward, she starts to see Der Kindestod, searching for the children. He tips his hat to her, which isn’t even REMOTELY creepy, and then. THEN. He leaves through the BASEMENT ACCESS DOOR WHICH IS LITERALLY *IN* THE PAEDIATRIC WARD. What in the actual fuck, Sunnydale General Hospital??
Buffy tries to break the ward door down, and her doctor appears, telling her that she should be in bed. She fights off the doctor, and she and Willow run, only to bump into CBGBFF and another security guard. Willow starts yelling about being covered in frogs to distract them while Buffy makes a run for it.
Lor: Frogs again! I even find her frog phobia adorable.
K: She finds Xander, who helps her down to the Basement of Don’t Go In There, where Der Kindestod is now hunting the small children. They’ve attempted to hide, but fail (because #kidsaredumbyo), and Der Kindestod grabs Ryan. There is much high pitched screaming.
Der Kindestod sits on Ryan, and his eyeballs pop out of his head and become suckers. It’s gross. See?
Lor: Who the hell gave Whedon an actual special effects budget and WHY?! YICK.
Sweeney: I’m fairly certain that this is where they spent the entire season’s special effects budget, if that makes you feel any better.
K: And possibly part of the next season’s budget too. The special effects in S03 E06 are terrrrrrrrible! Just as Der Kindestod is about to suck out Ryan’s life, Buffy appears and gets her fight on. Xander drags the kids to safety and then returns to watch Buffy fight thin air, which is kind of hilarious. Der Kindestod tries to feed on Buffy, and she snaps its neck. Hurrah, no more creep eyeball monster!
The next day, Buffy’s tucked up in bed at home with Joyce bringing her peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and juice that’s two parts orange, one part grapefruit. The camera pans out to reveal Xander and Willow in the bed next to Buffy. Willow asks Joyce for a refill, seeing as how she’s so comfortable and all, and Xander asks for another packet of cheesy chips. I would feel bad for Joyce, but she’s been a pretty terrible parent thus far, so it’s only fair that she wait hand and foot on three extremely needy teenagers. Joyce comes back in with a letter for Buffy. It’s from Ryan, who’s drawn a picture of Buffy standing over Der Kindestod’s dead body.
Joyce looks confused, and I LOL as we fade to black.
Next time on Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Another(!) school dance causes trouble, poltergeists and possession. Tune in next time for S02 E19 – I Only Have Eyes for You.
I'm a 30-something librarian and I still live with my parents because I'm super broke. Leader of Team Heartless Cow. I have an inexplicable love for 90s television, eat too much chocolate, and read more than is good for me.
Nicole is the co-captain of Snark Squad and these days she spends most of her time editing podcasts. She spends too much time on Twitter and very occasionally vlogs and blogs. In her day job she's a producer, editor, director, and sometimes host of educational YouTube channels. She loves travel, maps, panda gifs, and semicolons. Writing biographies stresses her out; she crowd sourced this one years ago and has been using a version of it ever since. She would like to thank Twitter for their help.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
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