“Next time one of your friends claims Christian Grey is her dream man, you should really pass that info along to her exes.” – Sweeney
After writing 22 separate posts about how terrible this book is, it has reached a point where we’re not even sure how to simplify how much it sucks. Just in case you were looking for the tl;dr version (not to be confused with our usual snark which is more TOO TERRIBLE; PLEASE DON’T READ), we’ve put together a list of the stand-out awful moments, courtesy of one Christian Grey. Consider this your, “Fifty Shades Darker is Awful Talking Points Cheat Sheet.”
- After Grey legit beat Ana in a non-BDSM, domestic abuse way and she broke up with him, he followed that up with flowers, emails, demands about her eating habits and questions as to whether he could still see her all the time, always. I guess it’s a good thing the break-up only lasted less than a week, ’cause Grey wasn’t very good at it.
- Grey decided it was appropriate to buy the company that his ex-girlfriend works for, you know, to protect her.
- Grey blames the aforementioned beating on Ana not using the safe word and when she confesses she forgot it in the heat-of-the-beating, he claims he can’t trust her.
- Grey lifts Ana over his shoulder in public when she refused to go with him, because free will is so last year.
- Grey arranges for Ana’s birth control without consulting her, because her body belongs to him too. Side note: her gynecologist should have her license revoked.
- In order to not waste Ana-alone-with-her-male-friend time, Grey doesn’t bother to call while hitchhiking back to Seattle with a female companion. In the meanwhile, his whole family is worried he’s dead. So much trust in this relationship!
- Grey blames and yells at Ana for nearly being raped. (This is a continuing theme from FSoG, a book in which she was also almost raped, an event that her dreamy boyfriend also held her accountable for.)
- Oh, sorry, was the victim blaming not compelling enough for you? There’s also the time where Grey rapes Ana.
There were so many more horrifying moments; you can review our chapter write-ups for more. Are we missing any traumatic highlights? Let us know in the Traumaland Therapy Center below. (The comments, obviously.)
In spite of all that, we’ll be back next week with the first chapter of Fifty Shades Freed. There will be alcohol involved.
