Previously: Angel found himself a celebrity stalker, and Angelus came to visit as a result.
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Five by Five
Kirsti: We start under a freeway bridge. A dude in a beanie approaches some guys and asks what they’re burning because EW STINKY. The answer? A human arm. And the guys doing the burning aren’t so much homeless guys as they are demons with lopsided faces. I’m going to call them the Crooked Smile demons, because if I have to read about ONE MORE YA love interest with a crooked smile, I will scream and I’m secretly hoping this stops all authors from adding it to their stories.
Lorraine: High hopes, my friend, but I approve.
K: ANYWAY. The Crooked Smile demons chase Beanie Dude, who tries to shoot at them while running. Not surprisingly, he isn’t successful. Luckily for him, Angel’s convertible appears. Wesley’s driving, and Angel leans out the side with a giant sword and decapitates all the Crooked Smile demons. Welp. There goes another excellent demon name. SIGH. Wes slams on the brakes, and slingshots the car around in front of Beanie Dude. Angel asks if he’s Marquez because he hates it when he saves the wrong dude. Beanie Dude nods. A Crooked Smile demon growls from behind Angel, and he decapitates it, splattering Wes and the car with grossness. Angel offers Beanie Dude a ride and that was one hell of a BAMF-y start to an episode.
We seizure cut over to the bus station. A bus pulls in, and we watch people’s feet disembarking. A girl in platform shoes gets off and we follow her over to a guy lighting a cigarette. (L: EVIL.) The camera pans up and it’s – not surprisingly – FAITH YAY CROSSOVER MAGIC TIME. Cigarette Guy asks if she’s new in town and that there are bad people in this part of town who’ll try and take advantage of you if you have no money and nowhere to stay. It reminds me of the start of Rock of Ages right up to the part where Faith beats the shit out of the guy, and takes his wallet, keys and leather jacket. “I think I’m gonna like it here,” she says. Roll electric cellos.
Sweeney: Thanks, random dude, for having the appropriate article to complete Faith’s Bad Girl outfit! Also, Faith is back in her coma makeup, making her look generally deader than she did when she saw B a hot second after emerging from that coma.
Lor: Um, long bus rides are worse than comas? Yeah, I got nothing.
K: Bus rides are pretty gross, but I’m not sure they trump comas.
After the credits we’re…MOTHERFUCKER. We’re in Romania in 1898 for another Terrible Wig Flashback. Man, how come I always end up being the one who gets the Terrible Wig Flashbacks? (L: LOLOL.) Anyway, Darla has Angelus blindfolded and says he can’t take it off until after she gives him his present. The present is a gypsy girl – just what he wanted, apparently – and the Terrible Wig of this flashback is tied in a ponytail.
UGH.
Lor: This is the vampire equivalent of eating out for a special occasion.
K: Darla says that the present isn’t just for Angelus, because she gets to watch. This makes Angelus go for the femoral artery in the girl’s thigh and GODDAMMIT WHEDON. Enough with the rape-y vibes already…
Seizure cut back to the present where Angel tells Beanie Guy that the only way to stop the Crooked Smile demons is to do the right thing because next time, his Knight in a Shining Black Convertible might not be there. Out in the office, Cordy says that he’ll never do the right thing and that it’s a waste of a good vision. Wes says that he has faith (LOL) in Angel, and that if anyone can convince the guy to testify, it’s their boss. Cordy’s clearly on Team Cynical this week because her reply is this: “Wesley, you don’t change a guy like that. In fact – generally speaking – you don’t change a guy. What you see is what you get. Scratch the surface and what do you find? More surface.” Burn. Beanie Guy tries to run, but Angel drags him back and gives him a speech about facing demons.
Lor: His face is awfully close to Beanie Guy. I’d agree to testify just to get Angel to stop space-raping me.
K: Truth. Seizure cut (SO MANY OF THEM) to that night and a place called Club Hell. Faith – in her typical bad girl outfit – is grinding on other people’s boyfriends, and people are not impressed. As a result, Faith starts a fight and is a total BAMF because she just keeps dancing as the fight happens around her.
Courthouse, the next day. The prosecution is accusing Wolfram & Hart – represented by Lindsey – of witness tampering. Lindsey says that without a witness there’s no case and he wants the charges dismissed. Just then, Angel and Beanie Guy walk in the courtroom door. There’s a glare-off between Angel and Lindsey as the prosecution calls Beanie Guy to the stand. There’s also some overuse of the DRAMATIC ZOOM to let us know that someday, these two will face off.
Sweeney: Zoomy cameraman is trying to make sure we know we can still trust him.
K: NEVER.
Back at Wolfram & Hart, Lindsey is pissed, as are his bosses. Lee, the W&H lawyer who defended Little Tony, comes in to tell Lindsey that he’s found a solution to that pesky Angel problem. Out in the corridor, Lilah comes running up to Lee (does this law firm only hire people if they’re evil and have a name that starts with L?) to ask how he knew there was a rogue Slayer in town. They squabble over who’ll make contact with Faith, and Lee calls Lilah a bitch. Cut to Wes and Angel filling Cordy in on Beanie Guy’s successful testifying. Wesley’s concerned about how Wolfram & Hart will react.
Outside a club that night, Lilah’s talking to Faith. Faith is clearly considering mugging Lilah, but Lilah’s all “Hey Faith, we know about your murder-y coma-y problems.” Faith reacts aggressively because a) WHO THE HELL IS WE? and b) she didn’t tell Lilah her name. (S: also c., “aggressive” is Faith’s thing.) (K: Fair) A limo pulls up behind them, and Lee opens the door. Despite her two-seconds-ago freak out, Faith is apparently okay with the idea of riding in a limo with total strangers, and hops in. Lilah gets in after her, and the limo drives off.
Lor: Her parting comment of, “I LIKE BLACK,” was fantastically lame. Oh, do you Faith? BLACK LIKE YOUR SOUL? Cool.
K: Seriously.
Terrible Wig Flashback. Darla returns to the house to find a newly re-ensouled Angel cowering in a corner talking about how not everyone screams when you kill them. His accent is flicking between Sad Attempt At Irish and Definitely American, and it’s driving me nuts. At first, Darla thinks it’s a game, then she works out the whole gypsy curse thing, and is all “EW, SOUL” and tells him to get out before she kills him. He runs outside and walks off into the darkness.
Seizure cut to Wolfram & Hart. The three lawyers inform Faith that they have a little vampire problem and if she could kill Angel but never mention that W&H was involved, that’d be awesome. The minute she hears Angel’s name, she says it’s no problem. Lee uses lots of big words which boil down to “don’t make me look bad,” and she slams his head into a table repeatedly. Serves you right, asshat.
Lor: IDK. I don’t think, “don’t make me look bad” is worthy of the skull-cracking noises we hear in the background for the rest of this scene. Squick.
K: The next day, the Fang Gang are heading to a lunch meeting with a new client that Cordy’s set up. It’s a divorce case and she only took it because the guy can pay, but Angel and Wes think if there are no demons, no deal. As they squabble, the camera pulls back to show us Faith standing just behind Angel. She aims an enormous crossbow at him, and pulls the trigger. But apparently he’s super speedy all of a sudden because he spins and grabs it out of the air before it hits him, even though she’s like two metres away. “That was so cool! This is going to be fun…” she says. She runs off, and the Fang Gang are left with “OH SHIT” expressions because Faith = not in a coma any more.
Cut to the office and Angel hanging up the phone. Giles has filled him in on the situation, including the fact that Faith left Sunnydale a week ago, which leaves me wondering if this episode was meant to air earlier than it did or if they just DGAF about the timeline all of a sudden. Wesley’s pissed that Giles didn’t think to tell him on account of he was Faith’s Watcher. Angel does some brooding, on account of BUFFY RELATED THINGS, then asks Cordy and Wes to check police reports and whatnot until they find Faith. Then he wants them to hide. Wes protests that he can help and that they should help Faith rather than killing her, and Angel’s all “Hey, remember that time I nearly got through to her and then you kidnapped her and tried to deport her? Yeah…”
Sweeney: This moment gave me Wesley feels. Angel’s 100% right, but it’s different to look at that moment now, as we see him becoming more than the guy he was when that happened.
Lor: Absolutely. It was a cheap blow on Angel’s part because, I mean, remember that time when he was a vampire for forever and killed a millionty people? YEAH. Probably not the same thing, but Wesley Feels!
K: Down in the Brooding Basement, Angel stares at his weapons for a while, then hears a noise upstairs. He heads up there and Faith opens the blinds, filling the office with sunlight. Ruh roh. She gives him a gun and says that because she’s going to kill him slowly, she’ll give him one chance. He interrupts her by shooting at her leg, but it’s loaded with blanks. He tosses the gun back as Faith giggles.
He wants to know what the game is, and she says she’s only doing it for the money. She wants to know what he’ll do if he kills her and it causes a moment of true happiness and turns him evil again. It’s possible she’s misunderstanding how true happiness works… Anyway, she aims the gun at him and shoots, and apparently only the first round was a blank. Angel staggers back as Faith jumps through the window. What, she’s too good to open a door?
That night at Wolfram & Hart, a suited up Angel strolls through the front door carrying a briefcase. A random lawyer stops him, thinking that he’s from a particular meeting. Angel has literally no idea what’s going on, and makes gaffs in trying to contribute to the conversation, but it’s enough that the guys behind the security desk think he belongs there. Random Lawyer leaves, and Angel heads upstairs to Lindsey’s office. He’s going through some files when Lindsey walks in.
He just shakes his head when he sees Angel sitting at his desk and says “Don’t you have any respect for the law?” Angel asks where Faith is, and Lindsey plays dumb. There’s some back and forth, and then Lindsey says that W&H have all kinds of spells in place so they knew the second a vampire entered the building. A security guard enters, but Angel knocks him out. They play chicken for a while, then Angel walks away. “You know, just when I think I’ve got you figured out, you show up in a suit…” Lindsey says as Angel goes.
Cut to Cordy’s apartment, and apparently they’ve decided to fill in a little gap in the “How the hell does Angel get there during the day?” question by making the entrance to her apartment off a hallway now. (L: We’ve seen this before! I think I mentioned it…) (K: I totally pay attention while watching this show. Really I do…) Wes is reading from a file of possible Faith sightings as Cordy unlocks the door. But Phantom Dennis won’t let them in. Every time Cordy pushes the door open, he pushes it closed again. Cordy tells him that it’s just Wesley and that it’s okay, and Dennis relents.
Cordy goes to pack some things while Wes tries to phone Angel and apparently they’re both morons because Faith is lurking in the bedroom. Faith is all “Do you think Angel would be more engaged if I killed the two of you?” and Wes says that they just want to help her because she’s not really a bad person. In response, Faith elbows Cordy in the face, knocking her out. Wes hits Faith, and she kicks him across the apartment.
Lor: And Phantom Dennis continues to be my favorite.
K: Agreed. Terrible Wig Flashback. A grotty looking Angel, who’s lost his hairtie, tells some rich looking people that he’s hungry. They throw him some money but he doesn’t want it. He vamps out and gets dragged into an alley by three guys. He fights them off, and grabs the woman, biting her neck.
Back in the present, Angel turns up at Cordy’s apartment and finds her on the floor. She says that there was nothing they could do, and asks how Wes is. Angel looks distraught. Cut to Faith’s, where she has Wes tied to a chair. She jumps on him and he cries out through his gag. She rubs at the bruises on his face, and then asks which type of torture he’d like next. They’ve covered blunt, that leaves sharp, hot, cold and loud. He nods at her, and she removes his gag. He says that he was her Watcher and therefore knows the REAL Faith. She picks up a piece of broken glass, and says that they’ll have to try sharp torture for a while.
K: And can we talk about how in the space of a year, Wes has gone from “Oh God, hide behind Giles and let him deal with it” to calling a rogue Slayer on her shit while being tortured? BAMF.
Over at Cordy’s, she’s pulled up a map and is pointing out locations of incidents to Angel. She lists them chronologically, and he decides that they should look up the guy who had his wallet and keys stolen because that happened first. Back at the apartment, Faith drops the now blood covered piece of glass out a window into the alley below as the Oboe of Girl’s Got Issues plays in the background. Inside, she wonders out loud what would have happened if Wes had been Buffy’s Watcher and Giles has been hers as she plays with fire and uses spray oil to make a mini flame thrower.
She tells Wes that if he’d been a better Watcher, maybe she would have turned out differently. And RUDE, because Wes may have made some bad calls, but he was her Watcher for all of five minutes. As she’s about to turn the flame thrower on him, Angel breaks down the door and says that he’s ready to play.
Terrible Wig Flashback. Angel can’t perform and runs off into the night, leaving the woman all “THANKS FOR THE GIANT HOLE IN MY NECK, ASSHOLE!!” He stands against a wall with a horrified look on his face.
Back in the present, Faith and Angel face off. She’s got a knife at Wesley’s throat, and says that she’s going to kill Angel for the money and Wes for payback. Angel asks how much he’s worth. $15,000, apparently. He’s all “WOW. Now I’m insulted.” and she says that she’s willing to work her way up through the ranks because she’s young. “You feel young, do you, Faith? You’re looking pretty worn out to me,” Angel says. (S: Coma makeup!) She looks pissed, and Wes takes advantage of her distraction to throw himself backwards. Angel attacks Faith and they fight. Wes, meanwhile, tries to make his way over to Faith’s knife, which landed in the floor next to him.
Faith throws Angel around the place and yells “You can’t take me! No one can take me!“Angel tackles her and they slam through the window to the ground two storeys below. The fight continues as Wes slowly cuts through the ropes holding him. Faith starts yelling that Angel doesn’t know what evil is, and she’s bad and nothing will change that. Angel ducks her punches, but won’t fight back. Wes frees himself, and sees Faith beating the crap out of Angel. He grabs a knife and heads downstairs. But Angel’s refusal to fight back has made Faith break down. She starts sobbing and begging Angel to kill her.
Sweeney: NGL, I teared up during this moment.
Lor: Me too. Dammit.
K: Team Heartless Cow will just be over on the ottoman being awkward…
Wes comes running up with the knife just in time to see Angel hold Faith as she cries in the rain and tell her that it’s going to be okay. The knife falls to the ground and we fade to black.
I don’t know how I feel about this episode overall. It’s good to finally get a better idea of Wolfram & Hart and their motivations, and crossovers are always a good thing. But at the same time, it seemed like a lot of stuff happened too quickly. Plus, I got stuck with the Terrible Wig Flashbacks again. I just don’t know, you guys… At least no one was the battery for the poltergeist in a Sex House?
Lor: It was a tad quick moving, but overall I liked it. Aaaand, no one was the battery for the poltergeist in a Sex House.
Next time on Angel: The aftermath of that time Faith beat everyone up and then had a breakdown. Find out all the details in S01 E19 – Sanctuary.
I'm a 30-something librarian and I still live with my parents because I'm super broke. Leader of Team Heartless Cow. I have an inexplicable love for 90s television, eat too much chocolate, and read more than is good for me.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
Nicole is the co-captain of Snark Squad and these days she spends most of her time editing podcasts. She spends too much time on Twitter and very occasionally vlogs and blogs. In her day job she's a producer, editor, director, and sometimes host of educational YouTube channels. She loves travel, maps, panda gifs, and semicolons. Writing biographies stresses her out; she crowd sourced this one years ago and has been using a version of it ever since. She would like to thank Twitter for their help.
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