Previously: Wolfram & Hart pretty well convinced Angel to give up, so he slept with Darla because not having a soul would make that way easier.
Sweeney: We sometimes talk about people watching Buffy but not Angel, which I imagine is a lot more common than the other way around. HOW COULD YOU WATCH THIS SHOW AND NOT WATCH THE FIRST THREE SEASONS OF BUFFY? Granted, Buffy knowledge is occasionally troublesome for watching this show because this show contradicts that at turns, but seriously seriously, I don’t understand those people. I bring this up now because this episode begins with Angel’s sit-up-and-gasp from the previous episode and moves into him running out into the rain. This time, though, the potential Tragic Magic Vagina belongs to Darla, who follows him outside and tells him not to fight it. Roll electric cellos.
After the credits, Darla’s talking about how getting rid of the soul leaves a bitterness. There’s a really awkward conversation about feels, and Angel thanks Darla for saving him and apologizes for not being able to save her. She finally realizes that he didn’t lose his soul.
Kirsti: PLOT TWIST!!! Also, womp womp for Darla.
Lorraine: I’m super torn between enjoying this nice little parallel scene (rain and everything!) and rolling my eyes at the obvious but still played PSYCH. at the end. IDK.
Sweeney: I’m with you on that. It’s neat, but also pretty worthy of eye rolling.
They move the conversation back inside for a tone shift. Now it’s funny banter about whether or not the sex was all that good. Darla wins some awesomeness awards.
Darla says he knew this would happen and he tricked her into trusting him. That gives Angel Kate flashback feels, due to the fact that she probably spent the evening overdosing on pills and booze. Darla goes to stake Angel, and he stops her, saying that his new favor to her will be to tell her to GTFO because he’ll have to kill her the next time he sees her. OUCH. ANGEL. I think this makes you 2 for 2 on emotionally traumatizing women after they sleep with you. You need to cut that shit out.
K: A+. He’s rivalling Doucheface Parker at this point.
Sweeney: Kidding aside, this is an interesting mirror of the Buffy sex. Darla’s angry because he says they’re over — “Why, because you suddenly just decide?” It feels like a bit of a callback to I Only Have Eyes For You. (Isn’t that episode kind of why this show exists?)
Lor: See? Torn again. But maybe the parallels here lean closer to awesome.
Sweeney: Again, agreed. This parallel was fantastic.
Seizure cut to Angel pounding on Kate’s door. I actually gasped when he busts the door open and gets inside. But then he puts her in the shower and she wakes up. If she were dead enough to affect ~the magic~ then I think she was past the point of shit a cold shower could fix. Some major wonkiness with the invitation magic just to get Angel to save Kate. And for all that, she tells him to leave.
K: I also have problems with the whole “vampires don’t breathe” thing, which stops Angel from giving Buffy and now Kate CPR, because VAMPIRES CAN SMOKE WHICH REQUIRES INHALING AND EXHALING. This whole show would have been simpler if there’d been a “we can breathe, we just don’t need to” clause.
Lor: I spent most of this scene going, “HE BETTER NOT GIVE HER CPR.”
Sweeney: I’m basically with you on that Kirsti, except that the scene would have had to be re-written in other ways. It’s pretty clear that it was done that way so that Xander, rather than Angel, could be the one to save Buffy back in the S1 finale. AND MOUNTAINS OF VAMPIRE BREATH CONTRIVANCE HAVE RISEN UP BECAUSE OF THAT DECISION. Thanks, show.
We cut to Darla getting her brood on in Lindsey’s apartment. He returns and babbles for a bit before realizing that Darla has the ring that Angel stole. He gets really angry and when Darla says it doesn’t work he adds that Wolfram & Hart did a disenchanting spell after Angel took it. WUT? Now I feel so cheated. I was so happy with what they did in the last episode and some how this cheapens it for me.
There’s a lot of that going around, because Darla’s still pretty focused on the fact that the guy she just slept with followed it up by threatening to kill her. (I guess I should point out that she mentioned that if he hadn’t opted to go with the sexytimes, she went there to kill him.) Darla says something about the ring being payment which makes Lindsey violently jealous and he demands details. That’s pretty pervy, Lindsey. I bet he’s just looking for firsthand accounts for his fan fic.
Elsewhere, Angel is waking up Lorne with broody puppy face. That’s not quite enough to redeem you for this latest round of Post-Coital Emotional Trauma. Or the weeks of CrAngel you subjected us to.
K: I love Lorne because when he hears the knocking on the door, he tells the knocker to keep their pants on. Then answers the door to Angel and is all “Welp, clearly too late!”. (L: +1)
Sweeney: In my delirious haze, I didn’t even catch that, so thank you for pointing it out because YES. WIN.
Lorne and Angel have a good little feels chat. Lorne tells him that it’s not about getting back but going on to the new place. I don’t know what the actual fandom looks like, because you guys, in our comments section, are basically my portrait of the Buffyverse fandom, so I can only assume that they wrote this line for Lorne with that fandom in mind: “I think I speak for everyone when I say that if all you’re going to do is go back to brood mode, we’d rather have you evil. Then at least — leather pants.” A+ forever, Lorne. You’re the best.
Sweeney: Fun stuff aside, Lorne points out that getting the Fang Gang back together might be really difficult, less because of them forgiving him than because they’re probably going to die. Womp.
Cordelia arrives at a house and I honestly forgot about the eyeball kid’s story until she calls out something about bringing the bill. I’m blaming it equally on the disjointed storytelling, the fact that it is 3am and I am exhuasted, and the fact that Joyce feels have overwhelmed my ability to process anything else. As I’m typing all this out, Cordelia comes across the now deceased family and then has a migraine vision of herself getting attacked. The demon appears and she calls out, “That was helpful!” because, you know, seriously, Powers That Be Contriving. Epic fail on that one.
After a Not Commercial Break we see Cordelia coming to in a bedroom. The demon tells her that she’s the destroyer of their spawn and needs to make the rest of the Fang Gang come to her. She doesn’t get what’s going on until she spots the eye in the back of his head. They say something about locating the “wheel-ed one.” Our Brazilian FES had really good English, but pronouncing the “-ed” in words as a separate syllable was something we never did break him of.
Speaking of the “wheel-ed one,” we segue magic to him in his apartment hearing noises. He struggles a bit but manages to get a gun. He then goes to the door only to find Angel kicking it open. Angel demands an invitation, as he hasn’t been there before. “Well, perhaps if you’d shown a bit of interest…” LOL. I appreciate all these little giggle-worthy moments after all the feels the Buffyverse has thrown at us.
Anyway, a demon comes crashing through the window and Wesley makes with the inviting. Angel gets tossed around a bit but ultimately kills the demon, sending pus everywhere. They smile for a bit, and it’s cute, but it’s cut off when Wesley remembers that CrAngel has been a major dick for last few weeks and covering his apartment in demon guts doesn’t change that.
Lor: I’ve had these moment! Not, like the covered in demon guts part, but like the, “I forgot I’m still mad at you” thing. Cute.
Sweeney: As have I. Again, less the demon guts. This was sweet.
Back at Lindsey’s apartment, he and Darla are silent and he goes to his closet very dramatically. He’s being extra bratty right now and it’s ridiculous. I can barely see that he’s grabbing some boots, but I’m already excited because Kirsti emailed me about some Cowboy Boots of Revenge, which sounds like a thing everyone should own.
K: They’re like Buffy’s Overalls of Sadness, but more badass and less dated.
Sweeney: In Angel’s car, Wesley is giving directions and Angel is trying to make small talk. Wesley is having none of his shit. Small-talk making Angel is moderately amusing, but I’m too busy feeling all of Wesley’s silent rage feels. Angel finally asks Wesley about the demons they’re dealing with, which is a thing Wesley is willing to discuss, though he’s not having any of Angel’s stupid chatty interjections. Stop it, Angel. Just stop. Oh, but his banter does include the first mention of Angel’s EPIPHANY, so here you go, Angel. Have a gold star.
K: Wait. Should we have awarded Buffy a gold star for saying “We’re not supposed to move THE BODY”? I mean, super poor form because disrespectful and ALL THE FEELS. But she did say the thing…
Lor: Your argument is invalid. Feels.
Sweeney: I absolutely noticed that Buffy earned the star, but left it out on purpose because it just didn’t fit there.
Back at the home of the deceased bill-skippers, the demons are explaining that two are dead. Cordelia starts freaking out until it’s clarified that two more of the demons are dead. Then they decide that the natural next step is to use Cordelia to make new spawn. “Listen, I’ve been impregnated by demon spawn before. Let me just say — it didn’t work out.”
Unfortunately that plea is unconvincing. A few of the demons hold her while the main demon sticks his tongue in the back of her head. EW. EW. EW.
K: I thought it was bad the first time she got impregnated with demon spawn. Rapey impregnation by a tongue to the back of the head is SO MUCH WORSE.
Sweeney: In the Fangless Gang’s depressing new office, they find that Cordelia is not there. Wesley notices a truck keeps passing the building. Angel makes some comment about Cordelia potentially being out, and Wesley gets adorably defensive of her. He chastises Angel, telling him that he has no idea how solitary Cordelia has become. She doesn’t have the luxury of avoiding the visions — that were meant to guide Angel — and feels compelled to do something about all the pain and suffering she feels in the city. I love this. Wesley sticking up for Cordelia is the sweetest thing and YOU BE MAD AT THAT BAG OF DICKS FOR AS LONG AS YOU NEED AND WE’LL BE MAD RIGHT WITH YOU.
K: A+. And 1430.
Sweeney: The Bag of Dicks says that something is coming and so they turn off the lights. That something turns out to just be Gunn. Gunn gives Angel some well-deserved stink eye and has a little bro out moment with Wesley, so that Angel can have Forever Alone feels because he’s not invited.
Lor: YOU CAN’T SIT WITH US, ANGEL.
Sweeney: They check Cordelia’s notepad and see that she wrote the address of the eyeball kid. As Wesley and Gunn get their de-oculation powder and head out, Angel questions whether this might be a trap and asks if it makes sense that she’d go there in the middle of the night without calling them. Neither of them stop, but they answer in unison, “They owe us money.” I’m just including that because it’s cute that they spoke in unison. (And as this is still Cordelia as Angel knew her, that’s sufficient, “Nope, not a trap,” proof for him.)
Cordelia is again waking up on the floor of the Deceased Bill-Skipper Manor. She freaks out because the demons are still there and nobody’s expecting her anywhere, so they won’t know she’s missing. And, most terrifying, she now has a revolting third eye on the back of her head which is gross and not at thing I care to look at any longer, show.
In the car, Angel is anxious but says it’s probably nothing. Then Gunn asks him about his “epiphany” and then uses that as a stand-in for murdering impulses, and says that he’ll have an “epiphany” if Angel changes his mind and anything happens to Cordelia.
Then they get attacked by some eye demons. Angel gets out of the car and says he’ll stay there and fight them and tells the others to go on ahead, insisting that he’ll meet them at the house. Once the car goes, the demons promptly flee…and then Angel is hit by a car with Lindsey at the wheel.
We get some back and forth cuts of Gunn and Wesley watching Cordelia through the window and Angel running from the car. Eventually Gunn and Wesley decide that they’re not going to wait for Angel because fuck that.
Meanwhile, Angel is being beaten with a sledgehammer by Lindsey, who wants to hear about everything he did with Darla. DAFUQ, LINDSEY? He looks weirdly red-neckish with his flannel jacket and old pick-up truck. I don’t even understand what is happening now.
Lor: I really want to know where BIG BUCKS LAWYER Lindsey was stashing his beat up, revenge pick-up truck. I JUST LOVE THAT HE HAS A REVENGE ENSEMBLE.
Sweeney: As do I. I need to get one pronto.
I can’t even watch all this sledgehammer business because it’s pretty brutal. Thanks to contrivance, though, Angel’s vampire healing works super fast and he recovers pretty quickly from these many heavy blows with a large sledge hammer. I won’t even question it too much because it results him taking the sledge hammer and smashing Lindsey’s fake hand. It’s not as good as when he cut it off, but it’s excellent for reminding us that this was a thing that once happened.
K: I think the redneck-y thing is meant to be a reminder that while he’s now a lawyer, Lindsey had a shitty and super poor upbringing in redneck central. Pulling out the Cowboy Boots of Revenge was a sign that he’s embracing his roots. Or something. Whatever, I just wanted to make the Cowboy Boots of Revenge a thing.
Sweeney: Fair. And you succeeded.
Anyway, Angel kicks him the face and takes his truck. Back at the house, Gunn and Wesley have been apprehended by the eye demons, which means it’s now they’re turn to be Eye-Brain Fucked. Glad we’re finally bringing a little demon spawn impregnation equality to the mix.
Jokes. Angel bursts through the door just! in! time! and gets to the fighting. He manages to kill them all while Wesley and Gunn do the de-oculation thing on Cordelia. Angel goes to her to see if she’s OK. No, she says, because he really hurt her feelings. I am the saddest of pandas.
Back at the Brooding Hotel, Kate is there having feels about getting kicked off the force. Since she has also been insufferable for weeks, she’s the natural pick for the one to listen to Angel’s “epiphany.” Everyone wants a damn gold star today. Angel’s epiphany amounts to this: there is no grand plan or payoff and shit’s meaningless but at the end of the day all that matters is what we do.
The Fangless Gang are taking calls when Angel shows up to do the big feelsy showdown moment properly. He apologizes and Wesley starts to say that none of them are ready, but Angel cuts him off before he can finish that sentence. He’s not asking them to work for him again; he wants to work for them now. Hmm. Interesting.
Cordelia’s not having it, but her, “No!” is interrupted by a Migraine Vision. When she comes out of it she marvels at not being on the floor this time, as set-up for the super cheesy reveal that Angel literally caught her before she fell, which was sufficient to win her over. With that, they head to work and we roll end credits.
That little wrap-up was a bit overdone, but I don’t care. I think I’ll be more annoyed if, in the next episode, the gang pretends that nothing ever happened. For now, though, I’m just really glad that we’re done with the CrAngel arc and that the whole crew is back together again.
In spite of being a bit dark, because this is still an episode of Angel, it was still pretty fun. Pretty sure my TV boyfriend and I are never (ever, ever) getting back together after this latest proof that sleeping with Angel will leave with emotional scars worse than any STDs. Also probably STDs, because Darla.
Next time on Angel: CROSSOVER MAGIC CAMEOS. Also, find out how the gang handles the growing pains of the new employment arrangement on S02 E17 – Disharmony.