Previously: Harmony came to town, and Angel made Cordy like him again by buying her clothes.
Kirsti: We open at Lindsey’s apartment. His alarm clock goes off, and he stares at it for a minute before turning it off with his stump. He shaves and gets dressed before putting on his prosthetic hand. He opens the cupboard to get a pre-tied tie, and stares sadly at his guitar. I know Lindsey’s the evil lawyer guy and all, but this is kind of giving me feels, you guys. Lindsey needs a hug or something. Although to be fair, it’s possible that I’m being manipulated by the Oboe of Sad Times…
Lorraine: It’s totally the Oboe. I mean, not having a hand is sympathy-inducing, but also, Lindsey lost it because he was being an evil douche nozzle, so, yeah.
Sweeney: Yeah, I’m still on Team It Was Awesome When He Lost That Hand. I was about to suggest that Lor and I go sit on the ottoman for this, but due to Lindsey’s general being evil-ness, this seems pretty consistent with the basic TF/THC breakdown.
K: Oh, it was definitely still awesome when he lost his hand. It’s just that we’ve not seen the every day realities of his handlessness before, and sad puppy needs a hug.
We cut across to a random family going through their morning routine. The mum and two kids rush out the door with the father saying that he’ll grab the vitamins and be there in a second. He reads the paper as he goes to get the vitamins, but instead grabs a knife and stabs himself in the eye with it. That sends us over to the Hyperion, where Cordy is vision flailing her way around the office. The guys pick her up as she sobs her way out of the vision. Right there with you, girl. Right there with you. Electric cellos.
Lor: Is it me or are Cordelia’s vision getting worse and worse? This one seemed to be flinging her around, man. I don’t even know.
Sweeney: Definitely noticed that too. Or, rather, the first couple seemed to have more violent bodily reactions. But then they were pretty much just super hardcore migraines, but this was super intense.
K: Yeah, the being flung around the room thing was new. Usually it’s just “searing pain + collapse.”
After the credits, we’re in some kind of morning briefing meeting at Wolfram & Hart. The glasses-wearing boss man (who we should really come up with a name for…) is grilling Lilah and Lindsey about their cases, which includes Lindsey snarking his way through an update on Angel: “He’s up, he’s down. He’s good, he’s bad. He’s a barrel of dead monkeys.” Glasses-Wearing Boss Man (GWBM) tells them that their division will be re-evaluated on Friday. After the meeting, Lilah – who’s been taking lessons from Buffy and very much needs a bra – accuses Lindsey of stabbing her in the back before GWBM calls Lindsey into his office. GWBM tells Lindsey that he needs to sort out his attitude about Angel, even though it’s understandable, because it’s not very professional. He then says that he’s made an appointment for Lindsey, and that it’ll take a while.
Back at the Hyperion, Cordy’s hypothesising that Eye Stabbing Guy was crazy, despite him not feeling crazy in her vision. The guys ask her where the vision took place, but the Powers That Be Contriving were less than helpful this time around, because the whole thing took place indoors and she has no idea. Wes suggests that they call some hospitals, and Gunn makes a snarky comment in reply, earning himself the job of calling the hospitals.
Meanwhile, Lindsey’s appointment has turned out to be with a doctor. Said doctor is all “Cool, we’ll drug you up and get straight to the procedure!”, and Lindsey’s all “Uh, what procedure?” The doctor, after saying that Wolfram & Hart is the clinic’s main source of funding, informs Lindsey that he’s getting a hand transplant. Lindsey looks wigged out, and I don’t blame him because there was an episode of The X-Files where a dude got a hand transplant, only he was given some kind of mutant salamander hand, and it was really gross.
Sweeney: Also that’s a super weird thing to spring on someone without explanation.
K: RIGHT?!?!?!? ANYWAY. We get some Vaseline-lensed seizure shots of an operating room, presumably from Lindsey’s perspective. Someone brings over a disembodied hand, and the doctor stitches it on. He then asks where the Pockla is, and a red robed figure with clawed hands floats in. It sprinkles some magic powder and says something demonic, and the stitches disappear, leaving a thin red scar. The demon vanishes, and the doctor announces that Lindsey can be taken to post-op.
Lor: I was going to be very upset about this hand transplant, on account of RIGHT and also trauma, but then they made it mystical. But also, half surgical, half mystical? Like this demon can only reattached a hand if it’s been already badly stitched together? LAME POWER, YO.
K: Truth. Back to the Hyperion. The guys have found big barrels of nothing, while Cordy has started cleaning like a crazy person to take her mind off things. Angel says that they need more to go on, and that they should question Cordy. Wes says that the job is all his, then he and Gunn go and hide on the other side of the lobby. Angel compliments Cordy’s cleaning, but she asks him to get to the point. At his request, she runs through the mental images again, and comes up with a potential name for the school the kids attend based on a school bag. Angel tells her to get some rest while they look into it. He asks if he can get her anything, and she tearily asks why people keep asking her that. He backs off.
The next morning, Lindsey wakes in his own bed because apparently mystical hand transplants come with a really short hospital stay and recovery time? IDK. He stares at his new hand for a minute, then goes through the same morning routine as before only with two hands. And a dose of guitar playing that makes me very uncomfortable because it’s kinda hot and I’m not sure I want to be a Lindsey fangirl… O.o
At the office, he meets with a new client, and we get a close up of their handshake. The client heads into the meeting room and Lilah pulls Lindsey aside to bitch about the fact that they picked him over her, because apparently his shiny new Voldemort hand cost $250,000 and they wouldn’t spend that much on someone they were about to kill.
Lor: OR WOULD THEY? I’m not actually sure, but I wouldn’t hold that beyond the realm of possibility for Wolfram & Hart. They are evil.
Sweeney: Right? It’s very “playing with the kill” and totes in their wheelhouse.
K: True. Anything’s possible where W&H are concerned. In the meeting room, the new client says that they had no idea the chocolate was giving people cancer, and YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH, CHOCOLATE WOULD NEVER DO SUCH A THING. Lindsey scribbles notes without looking at the page as they talk, then looks down at the page to see that his shiny new Voldemort hand has written the word “KILL” over and over again. That creepy salamander hand is looking pretty damned good right about now. Fade to black.
After the Not Commercial Break, Lindsey’s hand is still having murdery thoughts. He throws down the pen, grabs his notebook and rushes from the room. That night, he sits down in his apartment with a notebook and pen, but nothing happens. He pokes his hand a few times, then stabs at it a few times with a letter opener. Still no movement. “Who are you?” he says to his hand, because apparently despite being a super smart lawyer, he hasn’t realised that his hand doesn’t have a mouth.
The Hyperion. Angel’s ordered in one of everything for lunch because he couldn’t remember what Cordy liked. She asks why he didn’t just ask her, and he says that she said she was sick of everyone asking if she needed everything, so he figured he’d just do it. She tells him that she loves him, and he smiles and I’m pretty sure Sweeney’s probably swooning right about now. Cordy is a little too, and tells Angel that he should smile more often.
Lor: First clothes, now this. If it weren’t for that whole pesky losing your soul and sometimes being CrAngel thing, Angel would be A+ boyfriend material.
Sweeney: Right? That’s part of why he made such a great TV Boyfriend, but alas, I already quoted a Taylor Swift song about how totes over we are.
K: Womp womp.
She heads back to her desk with her chosen sandwich, and gets another flash of vision. Apparently Eye Stabbing Guy was really happy about his eye right before he stabbed it, like it was new or something.
Gunn and Wes walk in, and say that they think they’ve found Eye Stabbing Guy through the school name Cordy mentioned. The kids didn’t turn up for school and the mother rang the school to say that the whole family were leaving the country for the Seychelles because the father got a promotion or something. Gunn says that they got the address and went to the house, but the whole place has been emptied and cleaned, and they’re at a dead end.
Sweeney: Is this Gunn’s first gold star? It might be. Either way, here you go, buddy!
K: I think it might be!! Angel says that they’ve only got one option. The others all look panicky because they’ve come to the same conclusion – Lorne’s. And Angel’s going to sing. They look panicky and think desperately for another option. Angel gets offended.
Cut over to the karaoke bar. Lindsey’s singing and playing the guitar and this situation is really getting out of control. Lorne looks like he’s joining me on Team Fangirl. (S: Yup. He’s totes president of the club and everything.) The Fang Gang walk in, and are taken aback to see Lindsey there. Cordy joins Team Fangirl, while Gunn and Wes are impressed by Lindsey’s singing. Angel, on the other hand, is all “He’s not that good. And that’s not a specific genre anyway. Jeez, pick a style already” jealous. The others tell him to shut up.
Lindsey finishes his song, and the audience cheers. He asks Lorne about his hand. Lorne leads him over to the Fang Gang, and Cordy, Wes and Gunn gush about how great he was. Angel, meanwhile, says “Is everyone drunk?”
K: Lindsey demands to know why Angel is there, and Lorne informs them that their cases are connected and they’ll all have to work together. Lindsey is pissed on account of that one time Angel cut his hand off, and I’m hoping this means the return of the Cowboy Boots of Revenge. He storms out, and the gang realise that they need to track down the place that did the transplants. Angel picks up Lindsey’s abandoned glass, and says that they should check the fingerprints on it to work out who his new hand belonged to.
Wolfram & Hart in the middle of the night. Lindsey goes into GWBM’s office, and logs on as GWBM. Who, I should mention, has the WORST PASSWORD OF EVER – “zen.” Anyway, Lindsey pokes through his to do list and Lilah’s file before searching for information on the clinic that did the transplant. Contrivantly, W&H’s system is basically Wikipedia and offers a basic overview of what the clinic is.
Sweeney: Well now wasn’t that helpful! I feel like I need to make sure my computer has lengthy explanations of all my interactions for when people are breaking into my shit! It’s the polite thing to do, really.
K: I’m sure Emily Post has something to say on the subject. Cut back to the Hyperion. Angel’s found out that the hand belonged to a dude who’s recently been paroled after serving time for embezzlement. Cordy sets out to do some research on the guy’s pre-prison life, while Wes is all “Nice work! How’d you access the national fingerprint database thing?” Angel gets wiggy, and says that when he was in charge, no one questioned his methods. Or his singing. “Well, you’re half right!” Cordy replies. Anyway, Angel twitches a little more before revealing that he paid a private detective to get the information. The others are all “Uhhh, whut?”, and he says that with Kate off the force, they’ve lost their inside source. Meanwhile, Cordy’s managed to track down that the guy worked for Wolfram & Hart before he went to jail. Angel says that he reported in with his parole officer, then disappeared.
Wolfram & Hart. Lindsey sneaks out of GWBM’s office, then hears a noise from file storage. He sees Lilah rummaging through filing cabinets, then shoving some paperwork into her handbag. We get a close up of the contents of her bag, which include a bottle of pills and a hand gun of some description.
Cut to a dingy looking apartment where a mustachioed man is drinking beer on the sofa. There’s a knock on the door. It’s Lindsey. He says that he knows the guy is a parole officer who sometimes does work for the transplant clinic. He wants to know where they get their body parts from. Mustache Man asks him for the code, and when Lindsey’s all “Uh, whut?”, Mustache Man hits him over the head. Fade to black.
After the Not Commercial Break, Mustache Man [MM] is holding Lindsey up against the wall with a gun to his throat. Just as he’s about to shoot, something comes flying through the window. MM spins around to see Angel standing outside.
Lor: Ah, yes. The ever great, “I can’t come in uninvited but I can cause damage from the outside,” thing. Fun.
Sweeney: Actually, yes, I found this a fun twist on the invitation magic which is usually so faily.
K: I had to watch it a couple of times to make sure the invitation magic made sense.
He frog marches Lindsey over to the window, and Angel throws a noose around MM’s neck. He grabs for the noose, releasing Lindsey. Lindsey’s ungrateful for the saving, and they squabble over whose lead MM is.
The Hyperion. Cordy’s sobbing on her desk while Gunn and Wes peer in through the door. They close the door, and Gunn says that the visions seem to be getting worse – like she can’t get any peace until they’ve stopped the bad guy. (L: I SAID THAT FIRST!) (S: Is it weird if we also have a badge that we give ourselves for when we’re extra-good at TV?) (K: NOPE. Alas, I will never get it because I know ALL THE THINGS.) Wes agrees, and postulates that Doyle (SNIFF TEAR SOB) could handle them better because he was part demon. Wes mentions Cordy ending up in the psych ward last season, and Gunn says that she’s been cranky recently, but nothing crazy. Just then, they hear her talking to herself. They rush in to find her…on the phone to Angel. Womp womp. She tells Angel to hurry up and solve the case.
Seizure cut to Angel’s car. Lindsey is begrudgingly in the passenger seat. Angel sassily fills him in on Eye Stabbing Guy, then says that Lindsey doesn’t seem too happy with life, despite everything going his way. Lindsey bitches at him, and Angel says, “You just keep on moping. You’re good at that.” Uh, pot calling the kettle black much???
Lor: Pot hilariously calling the kettle black.
Sweeney: He seems almost gleeful at the opportunity to point out that somebody other than him is being mopey.
K: True. They pull up outside the address and confirm that it’s the right location with Mustache Man, who’s tied up in the boot. The address is a travel agency. Angel says that if it’s affiliated with Wolfram & Hart, it’s probably got security out the wazoo. Lindsey says that he’s no help because he doesn’t have his laptop. Angel’s all “WTF?” and Lindsey says that he can’t hack the system without it. Angel says that he thought they’d just fight, and Lindsey’s taken aback at this turn of events. He assumes a boxer’s guard, and Angel’s all “DUDE. Move out the way so I can throw this axe through the window?”
Lindsey moves and Angel throws the axe. A bunch of guards appear. Angel and Lindsey knock them all out, then look around the office. There’s nothing there. Then Angel finds a spot where the floor is hollow. He moves some furniture and finds a trap door. They head down the stairs to find an Initiative-esque bunch of chambers filled with partially chopped up people. Said people are all still alive though – you can’t have organ/limb donations from dead tissue, can you?! Lindsey is horrified, but Angel’s not surprised on account of WOLFRAM & HART. Angel sees a banner hanging overhead that means the place was blessed by the Pockla – demon healers who know how to regenerate flesh. He finds the guy that Lindsey’s hand came from, and Lindsey’s shocked because he knows him – they worked in the mailroom together.
He calls out to the guy through the glass, and the guy – who’s conscious and has a tear running down his face – groans “Kill” in response. Lindsey asks who he wants them to kill, and he replies “Kill…me.” Fade to black.
After the Not Commercial Break, Embezzlement Guy begs Lindsey to kill him some more. Lindsey gets a little teary and asks Angel what he’s meant to do. Angel says the decision is up to him, but that he’d better decide quickly because there’s bound to be back up coming. Angel grabs a banner off the wall and starts breaking out the more intact people. Lindsey stares at Embezzlement Guy some more, then apologises, and pulls out the life support-y wires leading into the cell. Embezzlement Guy slumps to one side as the lights in the cell go dark. Lindsey helps the rescued people up the stairs as Angel opens a bunch of convenient oxygen canisters. He lights a piece of paper, drops it, and runs. We see him run out of the shop just as it turns into a massive fireball.
At the Hyperion the next day, the gang quiz Cordy on her post-vision headaches. She admits that they’re taking a toll, but says that it’s part of the gig. The others look serious. Over at Wolfram & Hart, Lilah’s fidgeting nervously as GWBM says that the re-evaluation is finished. He thanks Lilah for all her hard work, and she scrambles for her handbag. Lindsey interrupts and says that obviously they picked him because of his evil hand. He crazies his way around the table, and when GWBM calls for a security guard to intervene, Lindsey grabs the guy’s gun and shoots him in the foot. He crazies some more, and basically says that Lilah’s the best person for the job and that, BTW, she has dirt on each and every one of them. Also, he’s unpredictable because of his evil hand. GWBM says that they’ll amend the minutes to show that Lilah’s been promoted. Lindsey squeezes Lilah’s arse on the way out the door.
Sweeney: Well hot damn, I stand corrected. Fitting that all of this would happen after I began the post talking about how evil he is.
K: That night, Lindsey walks up to his Attempted Murder Truck, guitar case in hand. He’s wearing his Cowboy Boots of Revenge and generally looking unlawyer-like. Angel’s waiting at the back of the truck. He pines for the 1950s for a minute, then says that sometimes things don’t work out like you thought. Lindsey basically says that Wolfram & Hart can come at him, he’ll be ready. Angel asks where he’s going, but Lindsey won’t say. Apparently Angel just wanted to make sure Lindsey was leaving town. Lindsey says that he’s done with LA, and then says “The key to Wolfram & Hart – don’t let them make you play their game. You gotta make them play yours.” Angel thanks him for the advice, then tells him not to drive too fast because there are cops on the roads. Lindsey gets in the truck and pulls away and Angel smirks because he’s stuck a “cops suck” sign on the back of it.
Lor: I’m sorry, I was just looking up music by Christian Kane’s band, Kane. Because that seemed like a thing I should do.
Besides that, I think this is a simple but good wrap up to Lindsey’s arc so far. I’m not sure if/when he comes back, but this was a nice wrap up to the now. I think Angel nailed it when he said Lindsey lost Darla and Angel. I mean, he even got back his hand, which if nothing else, the lack thereof was a daily reminder of his hatred of Angel. For all our calling Lindsey evil, I think more than anything he’s just power hungry. He tried to satisfy that climbing up the W&H ladder. He tried to wield that by having Darla in his corner. All said and done, though, how much power can you have when W&H is calling all of the shots and also giving you evil hands against your will?
It only seems right that, at the end of the day, Lindsey would put on his Revenge Outfit and drive off in his Revenge Truck.
Sweeney: YES. All very well said. I agree with Kirsti that the middle ground was a good choice.
Lor: Also, I can imagine Angel coloring that “cops suck” poster.
K: a) head canon accepted, and b) I totally agree with Lor that Lindsey’s more power hungry than evil. Despite working for an evil law firm, he’s always fallen into a bit of a grey zone morally. He’s thwarted their plans a couple of times now, and takes things a liiiiiiiiiittle too personally. I guess guitar playing makes you soft by W&H standards…
Next time on Angel: There’s a portal causing trouble in the city, and it has something to do with Lorne. Find out all the details in S02 E19 – Belonging.