Previously: Cordy got sucked into Lorne’s home dimension. For real.
Over the Rainbow
Lorraine: We join Cordy just after she’s been dumped into this other dimension. She screams, before realizing that’s a sure fire way to attract all kinds of unwanted, hellbeast attention. She clicks her heels together, Dorothy style, and I take a moment to admire her lovely, fitted denim jumpsuit. I took to Google search to prove to myself that Jennifer Lopez rocked something like this in the early 2000’s, and all I found was that denim jumpsuits and denim overalls are making a comeback. So, that’s a thing.
K: Let’s go ahead and file them all under “things Kirsti will never understand” because why the hell would you want to strip down to your bra and knickers just to go to the loo? That said, the Dorothy heel click was adorable.
Lor: ANYHOW. All of Cordelia’s screaming did indeed attract a hellbeast. She runs for her life, and the beast runs after her. Electric Cellos.
Lorne is stuttering about not knowing where Cordy is while he wishes he could get drunk. Wesley starts talking about logic, but Angel suggests they screw logic and work on getting Cordelia back. That’s very self aware, Angel. Oh, he actually means that he just wants to open the portal up again and jump right through. Wesley argues that they should go back to Brooding HQ and do some research. Angel just wants to go swirly hole diving right now. Wesley grabs him and explains that they may never be able to get back. Angel’s response is simple.
Lor: Wesley releases Angel and gives a little nod. Lorne hides behind the bar while Angel does the vowel-less incantation. The music swells but nothing happens.
Angel hops up on stage and tries again, but still nothing.
K: Womp womp. Although I must admit, I was waiting for Wesley to have a “It’s lev-IO-sa, not levio-SA” moment over Angel’s pronunciation.
Lor: Resigned, Angel sits on the ground and says he just got Cordelia back. Wesley says they should go back to the hotel and figure out a way to make a big swirly hole. Lorne thinks it’s for the best, as they probably don’t want to go free base jumping into his world looking like a human.
And here comes Cordelia still running from the beast in her sweet ass denim jumpsuit. The beast runs and pins her down, but then just licks and slobbers on her. Cordelia is both grossed out and relieved. Trouble isn’t too far behind, because the owner of this dog-like beast appears and praises the dog for finding him a cow. Cordy takes exception to being called a cow, but is soon bound and gagged for her trouble.
Sweeney: Here seems as good a place as any to stop and say that I spent most of this episode wish I was watching it with someone else, so that I could process all of my general, “WUT IS HAPPENING?” feelings.
Lor: AGREED. Glad I’m not alone in theory even if I was alone while watching.
We cut from a gagged Cordelia, to Angel telling Lorne to speak, and tell them all about his home. His version is that he was there, he came here and he doesn’t want to go back. Angel doesn’t let him off the hook that easily. Turns out that Lorne’s home dimension is called Pylea and he hated it there. One day, he simply happened upon a portal he didn’t open, and ended up in LA. The portal dumped him in an abandoned building, and he built Caritas on that very spot.
Lorne says he was delivered from hell, making Angel worry that Cordy’s in a hell dimension. Lornse says not quite, but close. For example, Pylea has no music. All his life, he thought he was crazy because he could hear music in his head, he just never knew it was music. Lorne laughs a little over the memory of hearing Aretha for the first time, but then serious-es that they shouldn’t kid themselves; Cordy is in a bad place.
Wesley has been doing research this whole time and has discovered that there are areas of psychic energy that lend themselves to portals. Opening portals there, however, drain the psychic energy and they go cold, which is why nothing opened up at Caritas. So finding a new hot spot is one problem, and the second problem is that even if they all jump in together, they will be separated, and could end up on opposite sides of the world.
Gunn arrives, simply to say he isn’t going on their portal diving mission. He hopes they find Cordelia and everything, but since it’s a potentially one way trip, he can’t abandon his crew. Angel can’t even look him in the eye, and he leaves. Lorne says that was a tough call to make, but that he’s totally with him on the never, never, never going to Pylea.
K: If Pylea isn’t big with the music having, I’m guessing they probably also won’t dig Lorne’s snazzy dress sense. I don’t blame him for not wanting to go back.
Lor: Angel is upset that first Gunn and now Lorne have dropped out of the save Cordy mission, though Lorne does have an idea about finding a portal hot spot. Wesley tries to explain to Angel that Lorne does have responsibilities and ties, but Angel’s responsibility and tie is Cordelia.
Who is now being carried through a town, tied hog-style to a large beam, in her beautiful jean one-piece. The thing that captured Cordelia haggles with a female thing and they settle on a trade of one pig and some liquor. Her captor places a collar around her neck and releases her from her binds. Cordelia starts ranting about being American, and having rights, and being worth way more than one pig. Her new owner zaps her with electricity, courtesy of her collar, and Cordy soon quiets down and follows. In the market, we see that Amy Acker was watching this whole exchange. HI AMY ACKER.
K: YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY. Ahem.
Lor: After a Not Commercial Break, Gunn is brooding in his vampire killing truck.
We cut to a woman sitting at a desk in an office. She’s talking on the phone, telling someone that they are lost. Lorne pokes his head into her cubicle, and today, he’s trying to pass with a baseball hat and sunglasses. LOL. Precious. He asks the woman if this is a bad time. She tells the person on the phone that they feel cut off, and then presses a button on the phone and probably cuts them off. Because, jokes.
Sweeney: Delightful. What’s the point of even being a telephone psychic if you can’t fuck with your clients mercilessly?
Lor: I’d have to look at their comp and ben, but I’m assuming it’s mostly it’s the messing with clients thing.
We quickly learn that this woman, Aggie, is psychic of sorts, and Lorne’s come to her to try and locate a hotspot. She won’t help because his aura is all conflicted. Lorne explains that some friends are trying to get to Pylea, and Aggie wonders why he isn’t going with them. Lorne runs through a list of things he’d rather do, and it ends with, “I’d rather sit through a junior high school production of Cats!”
Random Segue Alert! I had a crazy performing arts teacher. It was a great program, but it was also a public school, so we rarely had money to buy the legit rights to any plays. This teacher got around this by re-writing versions of famous plays and inserting all sorts of crazy things in there. That’s how we ended up with a number from Cats in The Music Man. TRUE STORY.
K: That is the best story ever. I, on the other hand, went to a private girls’ school. Our drama program sucked, and in addition to that, we had to do stuff that only required like, half a dozen guys. So we did a lot of really obscure musicals, and plays like “Twelve Angry Women”. Your way sounds much better, Lor.
Lor: ANYHOW, Aggie tells Lorne that his friends won’t save the girl unless he goes. Plus, he’s got all these unsolved issues, and he always knew in his heart of hearts that he’d have to make one final trip back to Pylea. Lorne is worried about the “final” part.
At the Brooding Hotel, Wesley is still looking for a way to keep them from scattering on their trip, and Angel is yelling and generally being unhelpful. His ragefest is interrupted by… Daniel Dae Kim. Hey, Daniel Dae Kim, remember when you guest starred on Angel? BECAUSE IT’S HAPPENING RIGHT NOW.
K: Vaguely spoilery, but he’s a recurring character. LOL.
Sweeney: Given how pointless this scene was in the context of this episode, I think it’s kind of a given that he’ll be back.
Lor: Angel identifies them as lawyers. Seems they are here to appraise the place, because Angel’s lease is up in six months, and Wolfram & Hart wants to purchase the property. The want to take a look around the place, but Angel puts his vamp-grill on. We don’t see it happen, so I really get to notice the SWOOSH and, like, bone cracking sound effect that accompanies vamping out. Hmmm. The lawyers back down, but say that they are tattle telling to his real estate company who will make him be cooperative. They leave, and Angel asks Wesley how soon they can leave.
Except, over in the other dimension, Cordelia is dealing with shit too, but actual shit. She’s shoveling poop as she mentions all the things she wants to be doing that are not shoveling poop. She gets long distance zapped by her owner and wonders if there is any way to remove the collar. A voice tells her not to do that. Cordelia steps into an empty stall behind her, as this voice is coming from the stall next to it. Amy Acker, who I mean, I guess they told us her name is Fred so I can call her Fred, says that bad things happen if you remove your collar. Head imploding bad. Fred tells Cordy to keep shoveling. Fred is all over the place, and disoriented, as she tells Cordy that there is no escaping.
Their chat is interrupted by locals who identify Fred as a fugitive. They grab Fred. Cordy protests, but they grab her also, and force her on the ground. An important looking man who is of the same race as Lorne, notes that Fred’s disabled her collar and says she should’ve stayed in the woods. They lead her away.
Angel is leaving a phone message for someone. He says they’ll be leaving as soon as Wesley figures out their scattering problem, tells whoever it is about the lease being up on Brooding HQ in six months and ends with, “take care of yourself.”
K: I stop to be hella confused because he says that the mortgage is under the company name, but that the lease will be up in six months. Surely it’s a one or other type of a deal?
Lor: After he hangs up, Lorne shows up. Angel says that they are just waiting for Wesley to have his “eureka moment,” and we immediately follow that with Wesley shouting, “Eureka!” Lorne is amazed that he actually shouts Eureka. The boys head off.
Cordelia is carrying buckets and following after her owner, Vakma, in the village market. Cordy tries to find more information about Fred, but Vakma is more concerned with the fact Cordy is about to spill her bucket of milk. Cordy stumbles and falls because it’s vision o’ clock. Apparently The Powers That Be are trans-dimensional and decided that Cordy should help save some Pylea people. The vision is of a Drokken attacking one of the villagers. The Pylea people are not impressed by her vision, and think Cordelia is cursed. Things continue to look bad for our girl, and I haven’t even mentioned that they stripped her of her luxurious denim jumpsuit, and she is in rags.
Angel, Wesley and Lorne roll up to a movie theater in Angel’s convertible, as Aggie said this was the hot spot. Lorne reminds Wesley to hold on tight to the book with the spell in it, so they won’t be stranded on the other side. Wesley says it’s time to start, but Angel wants to know if maybe he should put the top up on his car, allowing Wesley to explain that they needed to be surrounded by metal on four sides to be kept together. He adds an, “I’m almost positive,” which makes Angel worried, even though he’s spent the entire first half of this episode being all, “LET’S GO NOW! CONSEQUENCES ARE DUMB.” Now, Wesley says he’s 96% sure this will work and those are odds that make Angel pause? Pffft.
Sweeney: I’m more confused by why they didn’t just go ahead and take the hot second to put it up to be safe. Potential sunshine on the other side, is just one of many reasons they should have just done it. It seems pretty contrivance-tastic that they didn’t basically to allow two other things to happen. Starting with this:
Lor: Wesley says he’s under a great deal of pressure, and we hear, “suck it up, English!” as Gunn climbs into the car. The Feels Orchestra swells, because he made it!
K: The bromance between Wes and Gunn is, like, my absolute favourite thing to come out of this season. I mean, they have a secret handshake and everything.
Lor: Wesley asks how he found them, and that message Angel left was for Gunn. Aw. Okay, Feels Orchestra. I see why you’re here.
Now that the gang is all here, Wesley starts the vowel-less spell and a portal appears. The boys all buckle up and Angel guns into the portal. We watch the car disappear, but the book they couldn’t let go of thuds to the ground on the wrong side of the portal.
After a Not Commercial Break, we see the car land, and Angel immediately starts freaking out because it’s daylight and he’s going to burn. His, “hand me a blanket! I’m going to catch on fire!” amuses me so much, mostly because Wesley appears to just be grasping at random things, the way you do when you are nervous. Gunn is just looking at the scenery and Lorne is sitting back, straightening his jacket. After a beat, Angel notices that he isn’t on fire and Gunn offers, “yo, that was phat.”
WITH A PH.
Sweeney: LOL. EXCELLENT. (And also, this was obviously the other reason for the aforementioned contrivance in which they spent as much time as it would have taken to put the top up discussing putting the top up.)
Lor: Lorne points out that his world has two suns (K: Pylea = Gallifrey??), and Wesley guesses that these suns don’t have the same effect on vampires. Wesley pinches Angel to make sure and they sit there and pinch each other for a bit AND OKAY. I’M GLAD CRANGEL IS GONE. It was jarring at first, to have Angel suddenly be all jokey and stuff, but I’ll take Wesley pinching Angel over broody voiceover Angel every time.
Lorne says that they’ve made it to his home sweet hell, but Angel and Wesley are bit more upbeat about this as they are together, and not on fire and not melded into a freakish, four person Siamese twin. Gunn is upset that no one told him that was a risk (fair. It’d color my decision) but Angel is just really, really happy he isn’t on fire.
Lorne is over it, and suggests that they hide the car.
Who misses CrAngel? NOT ME!
K: I’m pretty sure at least 50% of this enthusiasm was David Boreanez being super excited about the fact that he got to film in daylight for a change.
Sweeney: And the result is pretty magical. I don’t even know how to process all this Angel enthusiasm.
Lor: While Angel gathers brush, Gunn congratulates Wes on the dimension hopping and they do their bro-handshake. But, they are here to find Cordy and they should do it quickly. Lorne agrees and guesses that Cordelia could probably use a friend.
Cut to Cordy being pushed onto the ground. She tries to explain that her visions aren’t a curse, and that she uses them to help people. The gathered Pylea folk don’t appear to be buying it. A red-robed creature comes forward and says that they will administer a test to determine if Cordelia is curse. They bring out a table full of pointy objects that don’t look fun at all. Red Robed Creature picks up an ice-pick looking thing, and approaches Cordelia. Her screams flash cut us back to the boys.
Car shittily hidden, the boys start to walk to town. Wesley tells Angel to grab the book, but the book is gone. There’s a little bit of back and forth blaming before Wesley logics that the book only exists in their dimension because it would be useless in Pylea. Lorne freaks out a little bit, but Angel reminds them that their first priority is finding Cordelia.
Right now, she’s curled up and lying on the floor. The Red Robed Creature announces that Cordelia is cursed with the sight. Two more red robes pick Cordelia up and carry her away.
The boys have reached the town, and Lorne has brought them to the house of a childhood friend. Lorne tells them to lay low, because of xenophobia, and Gunn thinks this is the fear of Xena, Warrior Princess.
K: I laughed far too hard about this moment.
Lor: Lornes heads into the childhood friend’s home and is chased out two seconds later, as Blix calls him a traitor and deserter. The guys are chased into the middle of town and surrounded. Their only option is to fight, and we watch them fight well for a while.
So, not so much.
Constable Narwek, who is the same guy who took away Fred and arrested Cordelia, rides up and asks Lorne why he’s returned. Lorne’s all, “IDEK.” The whole xenophobic, slavery thing continues to get even more uncomfortable as Narwek calls the other guys cow scum, good only for labor. Lorne calls them his friends, and he’s accused of abandoning the teachings of his people, and is lead away. Angel speaks up, and is punched for speaking in the presence of Narwek. They are sentenced to the dungeons, and Gunn quips and earns a few punches himself.
In the dungeon, Gunn struggles against his chains unsuccessfully. He declares them made of a magical alloy, but only really to make himself feel better. There is no way out. Angel is able to hear a conversation happening near by with his not oft mentioned vampire hearing. The conversation is about Cordelia, and how she was tested for the sight. Also, the boys are about to be taken to a castle for sentencing. Sure enough, a soldier comes to collect them.
They are reunited with Lorne and quickly catch each other up on all the bad treatment they’ve received. They are silenced by Narwek, though, as he evils that he will take great pleasure in watching Lorne killed. Angel tells them they have to act and they whisper a quick plan. Narwek announces the queen and as the doors open to her chambers, Angel gives them the signal, and they start fighting their captors.
A woman clears her throat and the boys pause mid fight. Angel is on the floor and he looks up to see Cordelia, on the throne, wearing a Las Vegas showgirl sort of outfit.
Sweeney: YUP. THAT FACE. THAT REACTION. That about sums it up.
Lor: You guys warned us this little mini-arc was weird!
There were fun times to be had in the episode, I just feel like this was more set-up and I don’t know the future and I don’t know what will be significant and I don’t know what they payoff will be. Can I just keep reserving judgement until the end?
K: Yes. Yes, you can. I’ll just sit here and smugly contain my excitement.
Next time on Angel: Cordelia is ordered to mate and Angel tries to help Fred in S02 E21 – Through the Looking Glass.