Pretty Little Liars S02 E08 – Knackered Out

Previously: Hanna’s dad sucks, Aria’s brother sucks, Spencer is back to being The Smartest, and A lied to Emily’s dad for her.
—

Save the Date

Sara: This episode begins with, you guessed it, the girls recapping the last few minutes of the last episode. Spencer managed to get away from Officer Garrett by telling him she had to get home. Well, that was anti-climatic. Hanna suggests that maybe Blind Jenna didn’t give Garrett the pottery candle thing, but Spencer thinks that’s unlikely. “What do you think, he bought it at the Blind Artists Craft Fair? Of course she gave it to him!”

It turns out that the girls are parked outside of Emily’s house, because the people leasing the place don’t know how to work the alarm system and it keeps getting set off. This seems like completely pointless information, which probably means it will be important later. Emily gets in the car and says that she doesn’t think the leasers feel safe, hence their messing with the alarm so much. Hanna brings up Mike breaking into people’s houses, and Aria gets touchy so the subject is dropped.

Garrett pulls up to Blind Jenna’s house and heads inside, and the girls watch and freak out, as usual. They all get out, slamming their car doors, because they are the absolute fucking worst at sneaking around. Spencer asks them if they can walk any quieter (not that it matters after slamming four doors shut), and Hanna says, “Oh, please, Jenna can’t hear us. She’s blind.” Spencer starts to say something, but Hanna cuts her off. “You know what I mean.” No, I don’t think that I do, Hanna.

They walk around to the side of the house and just then the lights dim and then come on in this really weird way, like, who turns the lights on like that? And then Blind Jenna’s creepy ass is suddenly standing in the window, which is scary enough as it is, but then she takes her sunglasses off and shit is freaky. Her face wigs me out.

Sweeney: Her face is the creepiest. I feel sorry for this actress. I’m afraid to google her – is her face actually creepy or does it just look extra creepy on this show? Either way: rough.

Sara: I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that we never see her without her sunglasses, maybe? Wait. Yeah, no. I just googled her face, and it is weird. Moving on…

She takes off a robe and is wearing a pretty lacy tank top thing underneath. Garrett walks up to the window and starts face nomming her, and the PLLs all gasp.

Lorraine: This entire opening was freakin’ ridiculous. They are standing at the window in a line just watching the pedo-show. They gasp so damn loud, I don’t know how the entire neighborhood didn’t notice. They aren’t even TRYING to hide. THEY ARE JUST STANDING IN THE OPEN. I can’t even.

Sara: SHH.

Marin Manor. Emily is on the floor in the kitchen doing crunches. The idea of doing crunches voluntarily is horrible enough as it is, but doing them on the kitchen floor? Ouch. Emily starts to talk about that one time Jenna was buying lingerie and how it must have been for Garrett, but Hanna stops her because it’s too early in the morning to talk about Garrett/Jenna sex because ew. (L: Legit.)

Hanna offers Emily cereal, but Em says she has to watch her sugar intake because of how swimming is kind of her life right now. Hanna hilariously tells her to she can watch Han’s sugar intake because she’s about to eat a big ass bowl of Cocoa Puffs. Replace Cocoa Puffs with Count Chocula, and YUP.

Lor: You will probs hear more about how Sara and I share a mutual love of Count Chocula and spend all of the fall months waiting for their arrival. This has nothing to do with absolutely anything besides, MMMM. COUNT CHOCULA.

Sweeney: I hope to eat Count Chocula with you both in Dallas. Also, this was such a cute Hanna moment. A nice balance for her earlier ditziness.

Sara: Emily says she has to stay on top of her health, because the scout from Danby is going to be watching her and she has to get into the school to make up for her lie to her parents. Em holds her side and asks Hanna to pass her some ointment to put on her sore muscles. Hanna mentions that she uses it a lot, and Em tells her that it’s the only thing that helps.

Shitbag Marin comes in the kitchen, looking like he just woke up from a one night stand, which… kind of. Emily looks all kinds of uncomfortable while Hanna and Shitbag talk about him sleeping over.

Things take a turn for the even more uncomfortable when Ashley Marin comes downstairs, too, and hands Hanna a letter she got in the mail that morning. The letter is actually an invitation to a wedding, and it’s from Shitbag Marin’s fiancee that he has conveniently forgotten about. Hanna uses the invitation as a coaster, but Ashley picks it up and reminds Shitbag that he’s getting married in six weeks. And poor, poor Emily is just stuck sitting there through all of this.

Sweeney: Also, not that it’s much consolation for Ashley Marin, she earns the gold star when she tells her Shitbag husband to, “Save the date.” Uh…here you go:

Sara: Hastings Home. Spencer is obsessing over the Alison murder investigation again when Wren stops by with flowers.

 

Lor: Ugh, I like Dr. Wren. Stop making me like Dr. Wren, show. I DON’T WANT TO SUPPORT PEDO-Y THINGS.

Sweeney: I can separate Wren from his pedoy impulses easier than Ezrafitz. Which is to say that I can still be grossed out by his pursuing Spencer without hating him more generally. It also feels OOC to me, somehow. Like, he comes across as way too classy for this. Pedzrafitz is an overgrown child. Jason and Ian are/were so creepy in other ways that it fit. Why is this charming, nice, hot, British doctor man going after pubescent girls? IDGI.

Sara: He says it wasn’t out of the way, because he’s just been transferred to Rosewood Community Hospital. Spencer not-so-subtly changes the conversation to ask if he’s ever done an autopsy. She says she’s working on a school project and needs to know if an autopsy report can verify what kind of weapon was used on a victim based on the head wound. I haven’t been to medical school or anything, but I’ve seen a ton of CSI, so I’m pretty sure that I’m a valid source when I say that you can.

Wren tells her that you can tell those kinds of things (See? Valid source!), and that the person who fills out those reports would be the pathologist. Spencer asks where he might keep his files, and COME ON. Spence, you aren’t even trying to be discreet about this, girl. Wren asks if he could have a cup of coffee before he leaves, because he’s “a bit knackered” this morning. Spencer tells him she has to shave her hands and get to school, and Wren offers to drive her so they can stop for coffee on the way. Dear Wren, I just did an age check and Spencer is still 16 and you are still a grown man. As adorable as you are, you should really be hitting on someone your own age. (Read: Me.)

Lor: OH. RIGHT. So, I CAN like Dr. Wren, but just for me. I’m knackered too, Wren! PICK ME.

Sara: I am willing to admit that 90% of my yelling at Dr. Wren right there was because I want him for myself.

Hanna and Emily are walking into school when they see Caleb doing a business transaction with some kid. Em asks what he’s up to, and Hanna sarcastically answers that he must be with another satisfied customer. I swear, they act like he’s dealing drugs or something. It’s just some jailbreaking, y’all. It’ll be fine.

Lor: Additionally, Hanna spent some time mastering the five finger discount. She was arrested. Try to look a little less judgmental if you are worried about your wolfy bad boy.

Sara: Hanna looks across the street and notices a man in a nice car watching Caleb. When she walks past, she sees a file in his lap that has a picture of Caleb in it. (L: Least discreet cop EVER. Jeez.) She walks quickly over to Caleb and sends the other kid running off. When Caleb tries to go after him, Hanna stops him and says he needs to stop doing his business in public. Before she has a chance to explain, he gripes at her about getting off his back about the way he makes his money. He storms off, and the car with the spying man drives away.

Spencer is at her locker when Garrett creeps up to talk about how he’s teaching the drivers ed class at the school that day. That’s… weird. At my school, we were taught by one of the gross, overweight gym teachers. He just had us drop off his wife’s dry cleaning and stop at the grocery store a lot.

Garrett wants to finish the conversation they were having the night before, and Spencer tries to blow him off and get away. Garrett keeps pushing for more information, and Spencer acts super shady. After she leaves, Garrett looks suspicious but who knows if that’s a legit suspicious face with how PLL operates.

Some guy in a letter jacket approaches Mike in the hall and gets rude with him about stealing shit from people. Which is fair. They get all COME AT ME BRO but then Piper Mom shows up just in time to subdue the boys. She tries to talk to Mike, but he stomps off. I’m on the fence about whether Mike is just being an asshole, or if the Montgomery parents are really horrible at being parents to him.

Lor: Can it be both? But also, the amount of Mike’s assholery being shown is > the amount of negligent parenting being shown. Or not shown. Whatever.

Sweeney: Yeah, I’d support that equation, but only just slightly. It’s definitely a whole lot of both.

Sara: Aria is working on her pottery at the college in the middle of the day, because Aria is too grown up for high school now, I guess.  (L: GROWNUPPOTTERY4LYF) Seriously, since when is your pottery class more important than graduating high school? (L: When your boyfriend is already working on building a pension? IDK.) Ezra slimes up and puts his arms around Aria and says some stupid shit that I didn’t care enough to listen to. Blech.

He asks how things are at home, and Aria says they’re still pretty crappy. Ezra tries to defend Mike and say it’s possible that his friends just put him up to it or something, but Aria confesses that Mike has done it to a few houses, and she knows because Jason caught him breaking in the other night. Ezra figures out that that must be what she was talking about with Jason at the dinner party. His face looks super jealous, but Aria doesn’t seem like she gives a crap.

Ezra just happens to pick up the pottery candle thing and comments on it being really pretty. When Aria tells him that Jenna made it, he asks how things are between them. Apparently Jenna dropped the class before Aria had a chance to try to talk to her. Ezra asks why Aria didn’t tell him about Mike, and she says she didn’t tell anyone because it was embarrassing. Before Ezra leaves, he asks her to come to his place later that night.

On his way out the door, he stops and turns back around to ask if he should be worried about Aria and New Jason. Aria says of course he doesn’t have to worry about that, and Ezra’s face looks so pathetic and worried still and it is gross. SHE IS 16. YOU ARE THE ADULT. ACT LIKE IT. Ugh. What a freaking creep.

Sweeney: When Aria was desperate it bummed me out a little for her, because I was all, “Girl, you’re behaving like a 16-year-old and this is where he should go, ‘Wow, I’m dating a 16-year-old,’ but he didn’t because he’s gross.” Now he’s just extra gross because HIS INFANT GIRLFRIEND IS LESS NEEDY THAN HE IS.

Sara: Seriously. Aria just keeps shrugging at him, as 16 year olds do, and Ezra’s face keeps getting more and more distressed. I’ve said it before, but Ezra: Get a hold of yourself.

Emily is at her locker when she sees her dad (!) down the hall, talking to a teacher. Aw, I love Em’s dad. He wanted to surprise her after her swim meet that day. Mama Fields told him that it would be an important meet since the Danby scout would be there, and she encouraged him to drive up to watch. AW. This is the best little family on this whole show.

Sweeney: Agreed! I was so excited when Papa Fields showed up! He’s the only non-Shitbag father on the show! It’s like a magical unicorn! I think it’s because he spends so much time outside of Rosewood. Rosewood is like a Hellmouth, of sorts, and it’s either a magnet for men who are bad parents/spouses and also pedophiles or it brings these traits out in them. I’m not quite sure.

Sara: Papa Fields mentions that he’d love to talk to the scout, and Emily looks like she’s about to vomit everywhere. Poor thing. This one isn’t even entirely her fault. After her dad walks away, Emily reaches for her gym bag and screams out in pain. She falls to the floor, clutching her side and crying. POOR, POOR EMILY. Officer Garrett rushes over and calls for an ambulance.

After the Not Commercial break, Emily is in the hospital, asking how she could have an ulcer when she thought she just pulled a muscle. Papa Fields explains that they’re caused by stress, and she needs to stop thinking about swimming for a while. He tells her to rest and not worry about the Danby scholarship because they won’t withdraw the offer just because of one tiny setback. Em says he doesn’t know that, and that she needs to swim. Her dad offers to talk to the scout for her, but Emily tells him she’ll do it herself.

Lor: Em’s dad is unwittingly going to give her ulcer an ulcer.

Sara: Spencer and Hanna are in the hospital, heading to Emily’s room to visit. Hanna says the hospital gives her gross-green-jello flashbacks, and I scoff because when I had hospital jello, it was delicious. I also hadn’t eaten in 36 hours, but still. Hanna threatens to throw up on Spencer’s shoes if she sees any jello anywhere, and Spencer makes a note to walk behind Hanna from now on.

When they get in the elevator, Spencer starts quizzing Hanna on what’s going on with Caleb but Hanna doesn’t want to talk about. “You have to. You’re in an elevator. Where else are you gonna go?” Hanna doesn’t know if she should tell Caleb about the guy she saw watching him, because she just doesn’t want him to run off again. Spence tells her that she has to at least talk to him about it.

Marin Manor. Ashley Marin is looking at her ex-asshole husband’s wedding invitation when he shows up. He tries to ask her to hang out and get some food, but she tells him that it isn’t fair to anyone for him to be sleeping over and playing family with them when he has his second family in Baltimore. He leaves his key and walks out the door. Hopefully for good.

Sweeney: This had to have been so hard for her, but it’s further proof of Ashley Marin’s excellence. I generally give no shits about Parent Plots on shows like this, but I had feels during the extended shot of her standing alone in her foyer.

Sara: Hanna and Spencer are in Emily’s hospital room, talking about the ulcer / swimming situation. It sounds like Hanna just learned what an ulcer is, because she keeps mentioning that Em has a hole in her stomach, and Spencer keeps mentioning that Hanna needs to stfu and not stress Em out even more.

Emily tells them that she has to tell her dad the truth about everything, because lying is making it worse.

Aria shows up late with coffee for Emily to cheer her up.

Sorry for the GIF bombs, but I just loved Hanna in this scene. <3

Spencer is in the hospital hallway and sees the room number listings for different hospital departments. She finds Pathology on the board and turns to head that way but runs right into Wren, who just happens to be fucking everywhere today. He tells her if she’s looking for Emily, she’ll find her on the third floor. Spencer plays along, and Wren joins her in the elevator for the ride up to Emily’s room.

The elevator opens on the pathology floor, but she can’t get off the elevator since Wren is still with her. Also, this is the creepiest fucking hospital hallway I have ever seen. Can someone turn some damn lights on in this place?

Lor: It’s like they installed dim, green washed lights ON PURPOSE on this floor. WHAT THE HELL, ROSEWOOD?

Sara: Blind Jenna and Garrett are sitting in his police cruiser together, and Garrett is telling Jenna that the girls know something. Spencer was super suspicious the night before, and this morning she didn’t care at all. Jenna asks if the girls know about Jason, and Garrett says he doesn’t think so, but they’re definitely questioning whether Ian killed Alison or not. Jenna creepily says that they need to take care of it, and we fade to black.

After the Not Commercial break, Wren visits Emily’s hospital room to ask how she is. After she tells him that she’s still feeling weak, he goes on that swimming is not worth putting your life at risk. Emily is confused, because she was told that swimming didn’t do this to her, and Wren agrees: It wasn’t the swimming, it was the HGH she was taking to help her with swimming.

Emily adamantly defends herself and says that she would never take hormones, but Wren says that she can’t lie about it because it showed up in her blood work. Emily insists that the tests are wrong, but Wren says he checked them twice. Emily begs him not to tell her father until she can take the test again, and Wren says he’ll see what he can do.

Caleb is standing on a sidewalk in Rosewood, and the detective from earlier is parked around the corner, watching him. Hanna pulls up in this hilarious disguise, like she thinks she’s in an Audrey Hepburn movie or something. She snaps at Caleb to get in and then takes off past the detective car.

Aria gets out of the hospital elevator at the Creepy Hall O’Death, and Spencer pulls her inside a room to change into candy striper outfits. Is this something that would ever work in real life? They do this schtick in movies and television a lot.

Mike is listening to a good song (PLL is good at music) when his mom comes in to ask him about what happened at school. Mike keeps blowing her off and being a dick and I really want Piper Mom to take his ass down. She keeps trying to ask him what he was thinking and why he would steal, and finally he yells at her that he doesn’t want to talk about it. She immediately yells back at him, “I SAY WE HAVE TO,” and the poor woman looks really distressed. Mike snaps back, “Oh, so now we have to do it on your time? Should I talk fast before you move out again?” BURN. As much as I don’t care for Mike right now, he probably has legit reason to feel this way.

Lor: Yes, because the Montgomery Parents weren’t awesome with how they handled the entire situation. On the other hand, I hate that Piper Mom is made a villain when her ass was cheated on. It just sucks all around.

Sweeney: YES. EXACTLY. This bit just reminded me of what a Shitbag Papa Montgomery is, because Piper Mom shouldn’t have had to be the one to go in the first place.

Sara: This would have been so much better if he had gone off on Shitbag Cheater Papa Montgomery. But that would require his dad to actually have a conversation with him, and we all know how likely that is to happen.

Hanna and Caleb show up at a creepy but pretty cabin, and she tells him that Spencer’s family owns the place. They get a fire going and get cozy before Hanna tells him that there’s someone following him. Hanna asks if it has something to do with the license plate stuff, but Caleb isn’t sure. He tells Hanna that he doesn’t want to hide, and that he isn’t going to run away from her. Hanna says that if he does, he better bring her along, too. They kiss and are probably about to have sex in that beautiful, luxurious cabin and OMG CAN I BE HANNA TODAY PLEASE?

Emily wakes up in her dark hospital room and starts to finish her meal from earlier. When she takes the lid off of her coffee, there’s a note on the bottom side: “Hey Em, some cream with your coffee? – A” When she opens her meal plate, on top of her food is the pain cream Emily used on her sore muscles earlier. She pushes the food tray away, and we fade to black.

Lor: Dude, I can’t stop being surprised when A does something legit to endanger their lives and futures. She was putting steroids in Emily’s lotion. THIS IS SO DISTURBING. It really sort of graduates the show from fun, soapy drama to a place where I’m confused about enjoying it. Like, THIS WOULD BE A GOOD TIME TO TELL SOMEONE THAT YOU ARE BEING POISONED AND STALKED.

Sweeney: RIGHT? THIS SHIT IS STARTING TO GIVE ME SERIOUS ANXIETY. HOW IS THIS STUFF HAPPENING TO THESE TEENAGE GIRLS?

Lor: And then I remember: who are they going to tell?

Never mind. Keep watching.

Sara: After the Not Commercial Break, Aria and Spencer are in Emily’s room, and Em is explaining what’s going on. She has no idea how she’s going to explain the hormones thing to her dad, because, “Someone put HGH in my pain cream just to fuck with me,” doesn’t sound super believable. She tells the girls that she’s just going to ask her dad to take her to Texas where she’ll be safe. I know this can’t happen, but YES. That would be the safest solution, girl. GTFO.

Spencer tells Emily that they are not giving up, because they’re so close to finding out who A is and who actually murdered Ali. Girls, I think you have a few more seasons before we can get anywhere close to those answers.

Papa #1 Dad Fields shows up, and Aria and Spencer take off. He tells her that whether she swims or gets a scholarship or doesn’t, it isn’t important enough for Emily to be this stressed about. He tells her they can figure out a way to pay for college and all they want is for Emily to be happy. Have I reached my AW quota yet? Because AWWW.

Lor: He has very slim competition, but he’s just by far the best father on this show. Sandy Cohen Eyebrows for you, sir!

Sweeney: FULL, BUSHY EYEBROWS!

Sara: Spencer and Aria are back in the Creepy Hall O’ Death, and now they are in the Creepy Room O’ Death, because they are officially in the morgue. There are dead bodies laying around under sheets and Spencer is digging through a filing cabinet. Aria is especially icked out when she spots cookies on a table, and I agree wholeheartedly. Working in a morgue would be a great way for me to lose weight because YUCK.

Spencer tells Aria to just keep watching the door, so of course Aria proceeds to not watch the door at all for the rest of this scene. Spencer pulls Alison’s file out of the cabinet, and the girls look worried.

Lor: They seriously stare at the outside of the file for about 10 seconds to allow the Soundtrack Man to fully execute his DUN DUN DUN! That was really considerate of you, girls.

Sara: Marin Manor. Hanna comes home to find Ashley cleaning out the fridge, throwing all the food away that she bought for Shitbag Marin. WHAT IS WITH THIS FAMILY AND THROWING AWAY FOOD. Hanna tells her mom that everything seemed great between the two of them, and she doesn’t understand why they can’t just be together. Ashley tries to explain herself, but Hanna stomps off to her room.

Lor: It’s rough being a cheated on woman in Rosewood, man.

Sara: Spencer and Aria are flipping through Alison’s autopsy. Aria reads the report out loud, while Spencer translates it into words Aria can understand.

The report says that Alison was hit so hard by something that it dented her skull. The murder weapon was probably a curved, blunt object, and Aria points out that that sounds an awful lot like a field hockey stick.

Spencer reads further and gasps. Aria asks what she found, and Spencer tells her, “There was dirt in her lungs. It means that she was breathing in dirt when she died. The blow to the head isn’t what killed her.” Aria still doesn’t understand and asks Spencer to explain. “Aria, Alison was buried alive.”

Lor: Not gonna lie: I did a Pretty Little Gasp right then! OH MY GOSH.

Sweeney: +1, also, how fucking awful is that for these girls? As if learning that your (sociopath) BFF was murdered wasn’t hard enough (+ all the other crazy that is this show), having to hear that she died like that is an extra special level of horrifying and disturbing.

Sara: Hanna approaches the detective in the car and tells him to leave Caleb alone. Caleb knows that he’s being followed and he doesn’t care, so the detective should either do something about it or leave. The detective looks kind of shocked, and Hanna storms off.

Aria is in the hospital waiting room, talking to Ezra because apparently he just follows her around all the time, as pedophiles do. He asks after Emily and then immediately switches the subject to ask if Aria is going straight home when she leaves, or if she might want to stop by at her favorite neighborhood pedophile’s house for a bit on the way. Ezra. Seriously. STOP. This is getting really embarrassing.

Before Aria can answer, she gets a call from New Jason and declines it to tell Ezra that she should probably go straight home when she leaves. Ezra looks all heartbroken and stupid and I don’t care.

The detective following Caleb is on the phone with someone and tells him that Caleb knows he’s being followed and he doesn’t want to talk to him. HM.

Caleb and I Hanna cuddle on a curb somewhere.

Spencer and Emily are flipping through Alison’s autopsy when they notice that page five is missing. They freak out and dig through all the papers, but it’s nowhere to be found.

A-nonymous: Down in the Creepy Room O’ Death, a janitor is taking out the trash and wearing gloves and eating cookies and I think I might vomit. There are so many things wrong with this. After he walks out, one of the bodies under the sheets sits up and throws the sheet off of him/her, and we cut to black before we can see who it is.

A WAS IN THE ROOM WITH THEM THE WHOLE TIME, YOU GUYS. OMG THAT IS SO CREEPY, I CAN’T EVEN.

 

Next time: The Liars are all thinking about New Jason, some for different reasons than others in Pretty Little Liars S02 E09 – Picture This.