Previously: Grey was mad at Ana for being in a coma, and then he harassed her when she woke up from her coma.
—
Lorraine: I’m not entirely sure why this is a new chapter. I mean, we always complain about the insanely dumb ways ELJ breaks her writing up, but it usually revolves around some imagined cliffhanger or Ana falling asleep. This isn’t even either one of those. We ended last chapter with Grey deciding he liked the nickname “Blip” for his demon spawn, followed by some kissing. We start this chapter STILL KISSING. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT CHAPTER BREAK?
Sweeney: This is even worse than her overused love of waking Ana up for chapter beginnings. (Sidebar: that’s how I like to think of it. “Wake up, you miserable little puppet! We’ve got more stupid to get through!”) I’m glad that even so near the end (!!) she still finds ways for us to use the words “even worse.” She’s nothing if not consistent that way.
Lor: Grey breaks the kiss because he wants Ana to eat her food before it gets cold. Ana mentions that Young Fiddy might be a girl, and it’s like this is the first time Grey has considered this possibility. Let’s talk about equality, y’all because girls can be demon spawns too. It’s clear, though, that having a girl freaks Grey out, but he doesn’t want to talk about it, so he just orders Ana to eat. Again.
As she forces food down, Grey reads Ana some newspaper articles, including one about the whole Jack kidnapping Mia and Ana kind of saving her thing. Ana takes a listening break to wonder why Grey is so afraid of bringing a child into this world, seeing as how his adoptive parents were wonderful. She blames it a little bit on the fact that he was raped by a married woman and a little bit on his birth mother being a Crack Whore.
Sweeney: She unsuprisingly misses the part about how he loves to beat/rape infantilized women. It was reassuring for an 1/8th of a second that Grey realized how he should never ever ever be a father.
Lor: Suddenly, Ana almost remembers one of the conversations she overheard between some of her comas last chapter, but she can’t fully remember it.
The detective on the Jack case interrupts the Greys and they are both pissed because UGH. POLICE INVESTIGATIONS. HOW INCONVENIENT. These two want to just go around shooting kneecaps and not having to answer for it, you know?
We line break through the actual questioning, though we are told that Ana answered all of the detective’s questions in a quiet voice so we realize that even though it may appear that this bitch just woke up fine from a coma and went straight into kissing her husband and taking his abuse, she’s actually ~*traumatized*~. Grey says he wishes Ana would’ve aimed higher than kneecaps, and the detective said it would’ve been a service to womankind. Ana is confused by this statement, but probably only because Ana is confused by statements in general. And questions. And exclamations. Just, like, all words.
Sweeney: Also, as she up and married her first rapist/abuser, she doesn’t quite connect why women would be better off with fewer of them in the world. HOW WILL LADIES FIND HUSBANDS?
Lor: AND WHAT ARE LADIES WITHOUT HUSBANDS?
Ana asks if Jack will be let out on bail again, but the detective doesn’t think so. Grey wants to know who posted bail the first time, but the detective says that’s confidential, making Grey frown, because he’s never heard the word “confidential” before. WHAT IS THIS IDEA THAT THERE ARE THINGS CHRISTIAN GREY CANNOT KNOW?
After another break, the doctor tells Ana to GTFO of the hospital. HILARIOUSLY, right after the doctor warns Ana about worsening headaches and blurry vision, Grey asks for a word outside. After a brief exchange, Grey reenters the hospital room and Ana asks him what his conversation was about. Grey says he asked the doctor about sex, and she cleared Ana for getting some.
Sweeney: Just a quick clarification that Ana was released with warnings that she still might be seriously not OK and Grey had to pull the doctor aside to make sure he’d still be able to get it in. Not that a “No,” has ever stopped him before.
Lor: Right. This permission thing is new territory for him, but then again he’s not asking Ana.
Ana smirks at Grey and says she has a headache anyways. He says he knows she’ll be off limits for a while, but that he was just checking. Ana frowns because she doesn’t want to be off limits. I guess this is supposed to be some sort of confirmation that Ana loves teh sex because she’s a super totes liberated woman, or something, except that she’s surprised by the momentary stab of disappointment because she’s not sure she wants to be off limits. What is this wanting to have sex thing and how does one deal with it when they are only a lowly vagina?
Sweeney: WHORE!
Lor: Nurse Nora comes in, mostly to glare at Grey some more. Ana calls her one of the few woman oblivious to his charm and the female population of Traumaland loudly yells, “NOPE.” We’re with you, Nurse Nora.
Grey asks if Ana would like to go home, and she says she wants to see Ray first. Apparently he’s still in hospital because of his coma, but the doctors sent Ana the hell home after her come, on account of her husband being an insufferable, bubbling fucknut. Ana confirms that Ray doesn’t yet know about Young Fiddy, and Grey says that he only let his mom look at her private medical records, and told his dad about the baby. No one else knows. Ana isn’t ready to tell Ray yet, which is Grey’s opening to tell her that Ray is upset.
“I should warn you, he’s mad as hell. Said I should spank you.”
What? Christian laughs at my appalled expression. “I told him I’d be only too willing to oblige.”
“You didn’t!” I gasp, though an echo of a whispered conversation tantalizes my memory. Yes, Ray was here while I was unconscious…”
FANTASTIC. You know, having Grey and Ray talk about spanking a grown ass woman wasn’t enough in just one chapter. NO. LET’S BRING IT UP AGAIN. LET’S HAVE GREY LAUGH AT HOW APPALLED HIS WIFE IS THAT HER HUSBAND AND FATHER TRADED SPANKING JOKES WHILE SHE WAS IN A COMA.
SO FUNNY, RIGHT?
Sweeney: As an added bonus, Ana responds to this conversation in which her stepfather endorses spankings for her by being a little turned on. Sometimes I get so flustered because I don’t know if I should focus on the feelings of “rage” or “ew.”
Lor: RAGEW.
A third section break brings us to Ray in fact being very angry. Grey has left them alone, which is fantastic, seeing as how he NEVER leaves Ana alone. Not with the cops, not with medical professionals, not on her vacation to see her mother, NOT TO PEE. But, like, with another angry father figure? That’s cool. Because she deserves this.
So, let’s remember that whether or not Ana did the best thing, she went after Jack because he threatened her family and her life. He had Mia. Ray, meanwhile, after talking to his daughter for the first time post-coma tells her, “and poor Christian! I’ve never seen him like that. He’s aged.”
Ana should totally be sorry that her COMA was so hard on the males in her life. RUDE. And she is sorry! She says it three times! Besides, Ray being angry is supposed to be okay because Ana suddenly sees the fear in his face. He was just worried about her, and the Fifty Shades series is basically all about how you can do anything you want to a person if you specify that it’s only because you are worried about them.
Sweeney: OBVI! Because if men are abusive and ragey with you, it’s a sign of their love!
Lor: A fourth break takes us to Ana and Grey avoiding the paparazzi that we already established wouldn’t give a shit about them. On the ride home, Ana can tell that Grey is nervous about something and it turns out Welch, one of his security people, has discovered something about Jack and will be by later to tell him what he’s found.
In the elevator going up to their apartment, Ana starts to cry as she suddenly realizes all the “plot” she’s been hit over the head with in the last couple of chapters. She’s crying so hard that Grey picks her up, “like a child,” and carries her into their bathroom. Grey asks if she wants a bath and she thinks, “NO! NOT LIKE LEILA.”
This girl’s life. Her husband offers to help her take a bath and her trauma comes bubbling up, because remember that one time he took his crazy ex-submissive a bath?!? I probably shouldn’t laugh about that, but I did. A lot. (S: So did I, because fuck her for staying married to this shitdick.)
So, Grey starts a shower instead and Ana keeps on crying, but Grey says he can’t bear it when she cries. This of course leads Ana into a string of apologies. Grey also apologies because we keep telling you that he’s changed! HE’S CHANGED, DAMMIT.
They hold each other under the shower for three or four paragraphs as Ana thinks about all the explaining Grey has to do, but LOL. Not right now because he feels real good.
“Any explanation on his part will have to come from him. I can’t force him- he’s got to want to tell me. I won’t be cast as the nagging wife, constantly trying to wheedle information out of her husband. It’s just exhausting. I know he loves me. I know he loves me more than he’s ever loved anyone, and for now, that’s enough. The realization is liberating. I stop crying and step back.”
Emphasis clearly mine because MOTHER FUCK. Ana is talking about that one time she told her husband she was pregnant and he immediately went to go see his ex/pedo-mistress/rapist. And Ana wants to know why he did but she won’t ask him because SHE DOESN’T WANT TO BE THE NAGGING WIFE.
I am so done with this series, you guys. Sweeney and I had some time to talk shop this weekend while in Dallas, and we both had the same weird feeling that we were going to miss these posts, and these comments, but were incredibly excited to never have to read another line of this tripe again. It’s so conflicting. I mean, over the weekend we met wlreed and she baked us cookies for reading Fifty Shades. It was fantastic! She additionally shared that she threatened to write her son out of the will if he found a life partner who supported Fifty Shades, all because of these recaps. It brings a tear to my eye.
Sweeney: Thank you for reminding me of that right now! Ah, that was one of my favorite things ever and it lights up my heart all over again. Parenting: she’s doing it right.
Lor: But, it cannot be denied that reading these chapter brings a burning to my liver and a throbbing to my brain and mostly now I’m just stalling reading again. I HATE THIS SHIT.
Anyway. They take a shower and Grey is careful with her bruises and such. Ana wants sexy times but she doesn’t get to say when she wants it so Grey shoots her down.
A fifth break takes us to Ana feeling clean after a shower and her decision not to be a nagging wife. I’m not even making that up. She SAYS that.
As Grey is drying Ana’s hair, she wonders why Elizabeth was in cahoots with Jack. Grey says it’s because Jack had videos of himself fucking all of his previous PAs, and apparently he likes it rough. “Christian frowns, and I watch confusion followed by disgust cross his face. He pales as his disgust turns to self-loathing. Of course- Christian likes it rough too.”
1.) How, exactly, is self-loathing shown by facial expression? What does that look like, huh? HUH??
2.) OF COURSE JACK LIKES IT ROUGH. Because sex and BDSM are the real villains in this novel.
Sweeney: Until they get themselves a woman who will make them ~*change*~ (Except for the part where they don’t change at all and continue to have a relationship that has less and less to do with BDSM and is ever more obviously just plain abuse.)
Lor: Ana tells Grey he’s nothing like Jack, but Grey thinks they are cut from the same cloth because people who like rough sex are mentally deranged and fall under the one psychological umbrella, according to EL James. Ana says that Grey and Jack just have troubled pasts and are from Detroit, which are their only similarities. They keep emphasizing Detroit in this stupid chapter, just so we won’t be surprised in a few pages when Detroit becomes super significant. I haven’t read ahead. I’m just not as stupid as EL James wants me to be.
After a sixth breath, Ana’s getting dressed and she confesses that between her comas she heard his conversations with several people. Not that she can remember them. All this bullshit about her not remembering what she heard angers me more. Obviously, the entire point of her coming in and out of her coma is because Ana is the narrator and ELJ doesn’t know how to get around that. How do you tell the story when you POV character is in a coma? CHEAT THAT’S HOW. Except now she can’t remember anything, see? Because coma.
Ana learns that Kate came to visit her briefly and Grey says Kate’s mad at her too. Ana tells him to STFU with the running list of people who are mad at her, and reminds him that she was trying to save his sister. He’s finally all, “OH YEAH! MY SISTER!” and thanks Ana, but tells her, “but no more recklessness. Because next time, I will spank the living shit out of you.”
“I gasp.
“You wouldn’t!”
“I would.” He’s serious. Holy cow. Deadly serious. “I have your stepfather’s permission.” He smirks. He’s teasing me! Or is he?”
OH ARE WE GOING TO BRING UP THE STEPFATHER THING AGAIN? AND THE SPANKING?
Sweeney: HOW DID SHE MENTION IT THIS MANY TIMES AND NOT EVER ONCE RECOGNIZE HOW FUCKING GROSS AND CREEPY AND AWFUL IT IS? Sorry, I know. We’ve read too much for me to be asking stupid questions like that.
Lor: It’s great too that the general sentiment is, “next time you endanger yourself, I’m going to endanger you.” OH. OKAY GREY. SURE. WHATEVER TO KEEP HER SAFE, RIGHT?
Ana wants sex but Grey tells her no over and over again and decides the next best thing is to feed her. (S: Well, obvs. In addition to denying her bodily autonomy, like deciding when she wants sex, it’s best to also make sure he tells her when she wants to eat, because ladies can’t control their bodies all by themselves!) So, after a seventh break, she eats and gets sleepy.
After an eighth break, Ana’s waking up and finding Grey looking rather disturbed. It turns out that Welsh came by to tell him that he actually once lived with Jack. Right after The Crack Whore and before he got adopted, Grey was a ward of the state, and so was Jack. Grey even has a picture of the foster family he lived with. Grey doesn’t remember any of the two months he spent with this family and he doesn’t know why. Ana thinks maybe Jack was mad that the Greys adopted Christian and not him.
But, it’s weird, because Jack didn’t start stalking the Grey family until Ana conveniently started working for him in this large city where he also happened to be. I don’t know. I’m not even really trying to follow the “plot” developments because I have nothing funny to say about them. I feel like I’m dryly reporting the weather right now, and all I can see is an eternal chance of rain. (S: A+)
Grey mentions how Jack recorded his sex sessions with all of his previous assistants and Ana remembers thinking something was off about Jack, “yet I ignored all my instincts. Christian’s right- I have no regard for my own safety.”
Fuck it all. Her total submission is completed. Never ask questions because you don’t want to be that wife and completely buy into the lie that you don’t know what’s best for you. The hilarious part is that I would mostly agree that she gives no fucks about her own safety BUT ONLY BECAUSE SHE IS STILL IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH GREY. Ana thinks about how she could’ve ended up on a sex tape and this reminds her of the photographs Grey kept of his submissives in compromising situations. She’s all, “OH SHIT,” but then thinks about how, no, no. Grey isn’t anything like Jack. Because of reasons.
Ana convinces Grey to talk to his parents about all this ward of the state business.
After a ninth break, Mama and Papa Grey arrive at Escala. Mia’s there too, and Ana takes a moment to mention how her sister-in-law is dressed and is thankful she’s not in her sweatpants anymore! Wouldn’t want to be underdressed after your coma, am I right? Mia took the liberty of inviting Elliot, Kate and Ethan over as well. Ana decides to distract them all while Grey speaks to his parents.
After a tenth break, Kate yells at, hugs and cries at Ana, because apparently this is going to happen with every mother fucking supporting character in the entire god damn trilogy. SHIT. Sorry. This chapter just WILL NOT END.
Kate shares news that she’s set a wedding date for April, and Ana freaks out because she’s due in May. Plus Elliot hands her some champagne and she doesn’t know what to do!!! Thankfully, Grey is there to swoop in and save Ana, saying she can’t drink because of her medications.
The Greys spend some time with her extended family and blah blah blah everyone loves Ana. Except like 10 minutes ago when everyone was mad she was in a coma. I DON’T KNOW.
After an eleventh break, Grey tells Ana his parents were able to tell him that he spent a couple of months with that foster family while the adoption paperwork came through. And suddenly he remembers his foster mom’s cooking, and how she used to read “Are You My Mother,” to him. This all has a connection to something Jack wrote in a ransom note, but I don’t remember this ransom note and I’m pretty sure it doesn’t matter anyways.
Sweeney: Learning to forget everything we’ve just read week after week is an essential skill for this project.
Lor: Ana gets turned on by all of this Childhood Trauma, natch, so she tries to initiate sex for the fourth or fifth time in this chapter. Grey says no again, and this time probably because she’s wincing in pain every time she moves. To distract her from wanting sex, Grey starts a a little story that I already know will be a contender for the Crack Whore Award for Awesome Storytelling! It’s all about how he ended up the victim of a pedophile. It starts with him working for Mrs. Rape for extra cash.
We don’t hear anything beyond that, though, because the chapter is going to end mid-story. I’m not complaining because at least the chapter did in fact end.
ONE MORE CHAPTER AND AN EPILOGUE YOU GUYS. Then, we can all keep learning to forget.
Murmur Count – 4
Whisper Count – 20
Favorite comment last post:
Jokey time!
Knock Knock
Who’s There?
Christian Grey.
Christian? Oh my God, how did you find me? I changed my name, I left the state…
SILENCE! COME FOR ME, NOW!
*she orgasms and passes out*
*he carries her back to his cave* — Yvette Downs
Next time: THE LAST CHAPTER, YOU GUYS. Not quite the end, but close in Fifty Shades Freed Chapter 25.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
Nicole is the co-captain of Snark Squad and these days she spends most of her time editing podcasts. She spends too much time on Twitter and very occasionally vlogs and blogs. In her day job she's a producer, editor, director, and sometimes host of educational YouTube channels. She loves travel, maps, panda gifs, and semicolons. Writing biographies stresses her out; she crowd sourced this one years ago and has been using a version of it ever since. She would like to thank Twitter for their help.
Pingback: Fifty Shades Freed Chapter 25 – Remix()