Previously: Willow got her bad girl on (although thankfully without the crimped hair and leather trousers), but who really cares because GILES IS BACK, BITCHES!
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Grave
Kirsti: We start exactly where we left off, because this aired as a two hour finale. Buffy and Anya both pull themselves upright, equal parts thrilled and confused to see Giles. Willow on the other hand says, “Uh oh. Daddy’s home.” He tells her calmly but coldly that she needs to stop what she’s doing, but she replies that she’s not done yet. She starts to stand, but Giles says “Stay down” and gestures with his fingers. She falls back to the floor, and informs us that no, Giles didn’t go back to England become a crazy powerful warlock. He’s using borrowed power.
Giles says that he’s there to help, but she has no fucks to give. She uses magic to hover herself into the air. Giles makes his “stay down” gesture again, but Willow makes a gesture of her own, and remains unaffected. Giles looks worried. She stalks towards him, throwing his words back in his face as a magical light appears around her and her eyes blacken again:
“Remember that little spat we had before you left? When you were under the delusion that you were still relevant here? You called me a rank, arrogant amateur. Well buckle up, Rupert… ‘Cause I’ve turned pro.”
Sweeney: So many Willow callbacks in this two-hour finale! I went back to re-read some of the discussion around this comment from Giles. Most of it focused on his culpability prior to that statement, but it’s interesting to revisit now. I’m not sold on the idea that Giles somehow dropped the ball on Willow’s magic education prior to this point, but this highlights what a terrible decision his departure was. Giles wasn’t ignorant to Willow’s bad path and yet he left anyway. It doesn’t change Willow’s responsibility for her own actions or my endless happy/relieved feels over his return, but it’s a reminder that every member of the core group – Giles included – has made terrible decisions this season.
Lorraine: Also, I’m glad that Giles got to have a solid 25 seconds of bad-assery, but I’m not confident it will last. He looks really dapper, though. Maybe I just missed him on my screen. Let’s get to the credits before this becomes awkward.
K: Excellent points all round. Cue wolf howl.
After the credits, Willow starts to cast a spell, but Giles throws out a hand and quietly says “Vincire” (from the Latin vincio – to bind – in case you care). A bolt of green light shoots out and wraps around Willow like a ring, pinning her arms down. She struggles against it for a minute, then her head drops back and she appears unconscious. Giles lowers his hand and the ring of magic turns a blue-ish colour. Buffy asks him what he did, and he tells her that it’s a containment spell for Willow and her power.
He pauses for a second, looking at her, and then says, “You cut your hair. Buffy looks at him tearily and throws her arms around him. No, I’m not tearing up, it’s HAYFEVER. Anya watches awkwardly for a second, then points out that she’s a blonde again. Giles smiles at her fondly and holds out an arm. She joins the hug.
Sweeney: SO MANY FEELINGS. I love Anya’s awkward. She also suffered from his absence, as much as she insisted that she wanted him to hurry up and go.
Lor: As touching as Buffy’s hug was here, it was Anya that really brought the “hayfever” on.
K: Hayfever all round, really.
A few moments later, he releases them and walks towards the still unconscious Willow. He tells her how sorry he is about Tara, and her head rolls towards him. “This…won’t hold me forever,” she says. Giles looks concerned again.
Sometime later, Buffy and Giles are in the training room. He knows all about Tara already, because the seer of a powerful coven in Devon told him. Also about a powerful grief-fueled source of evil rising. The coven gave him their power, and he…IDK, got on the magical insta-jet from Heathrow to Sunnydale. Buffy starts to tell him about all the stuff he’s missed – Junkie!Willow, Anya being a vengeance demon again, Dawn’s sticky fingers, working at the Doublemeat Palace, and sleeping with Spike. With the last, she looks at him in a guilty and slightly scared way. Giles stares at her for a second, then bursts out laughing. He apologises, but can’t stop. Eventually, she joins in. I don’t blame her. ASH has the most contagious giggle.
Lor: Best reaction is the BEST. When I think about this season, and everything I’ve been through, the awkward, ill-timed LOL seems like it would fit. Right on, Giles. Right on.
K: Out in the shop, Anya’s cleaning up a little. Willow looks towards her and uses telepathy/mind control to say that she needs something from her. She wants Anya to release her. Anya looks hesitant, then says that she doesn’t know how. Willow says that she can walk Anya through it.
Training room. Buffy and Giles are still laughing hysterically, this time over the “I was in an asylum and Sunnydale was a figment of my imagination” story. Giles asks her to forgive him, saying that he should never have left. (AGREED) She tells him that he was right to leave, but that she doesn’t understand why she came back from the dead. Another Slayer would have taken her place, so why? Giles doesn’t answer.
Buffy changes the topic back to Willow and what’s to be done. He tells her that the coven are working on a way to remove her magic, but there’s no guarantee that she’ll survive or be the person she was before. “I wouldn’t worry about that,” comes Willow’s voice from offscreen. The camera pans around to show us an unconscious Anya hovering in the doorway. Willow, her eyes black, drops Anya to the floor as she says “Willow doesn’t live here any more.” Fade to black.
Sweeney: Sorry, all I could hear was, “Shaniqua don’t live here no mo’.” #unfortunatememoriesfrom2001.
K: After the Not Commercial Break, Buffy runs towards Willow, only to be thrown into the wall by a bolt of lightning. Giles casts his binding spell again, but Willow throws it off like it’s nothing. She steps towards Giles, then a bunch of knives and weapons lift off the wall behind her. She hurls them at Giles, who yells something. The practice dummy flies in front of him, and the weapons hit that instead. She magically hurls the dummy to one side, but Giles is ready. “Excudo!” he yells, and a ball of energy hits her, knocking her backwards through the wall and into the Magic Box. She hits the pillar that holds up the Restricted Section and disappears in a cloud of bricks.
Elsewhere in Sunnydale, Dawn asks Xander where the hell they’re going. He has no idea. She WTFs him, and says that they should go back and help. He says bitterly that he’s been enough help already. She looks pissed, then tells him that Spike would go back. “Sure, if he wasn’t too busy trying to rape your sister.”
Lor: OH FFS, XANDER, REALLY?
(That was the extent of my original comment but this was brought up last recap, mostly as a great evil on Xander’s part. I definitely do not think he should’ve shared this with Dawn. It was not his place, and arguably even more not his place than Tara telling Willow about Spuffy or Spike telling Xander about Spuffy. Xander will definitely come under more fire because he’s generally the least liked of those three characters. I will say that I don’t think Xander’s motivations were as nefarious as the comments claimed. Dawn was picking at him, basically calling him useless, after he already very much felt it and was in a situation where he had no idea what to do. In the scene, Dawn steels herself, looks at Xander and tells him Spike would’ve gone back. The shooting script tells us Dawn is “goading him.” It works, he rises to the bait, and he is wrong for it.
He also tries to drop it, but what’s been said can’t be unsaid and Dawn can’t unhear it. It was implied that there will be lasting implications to Dawn having this knowledge and that’s so understandable. I think about my own sisters and how I would react and, well… without exactly knowing the ramifications of this conversation, I’m going to say that Xander’s mistake was spilling the secret. What happens after that is solely on Dawn, unless Xander interferes again, in which case I will revisit.)
K: Dawn is shocked, and refuses to believe him. He asks if a genetic blind spot where Spike’s concerned is a genetic trait, and PROBABLY on account of the monks made Dawn from Buffy. The only good thing Spike ever did, Xander says, was to leave town.
That throws us across to the African cave. There are some gloopy screamy noises, and then a demon head rolls across the floor. A battered Spike staggers in, holding another demon head. “Well, that was a blood doddle and a piece of piss,” he says and he falls to his knees. He asks sarcastically if there are more tests, but the demon doesn’t reply. He says to himself that the Slayer’s going to get what’s coming to her (L: LOVE AND AFFECTION, OBVS), then there’s a weird skittering sound. He looks down in horror, then huge beetles – much like the flesh-eating scarabs in The Mummy – swarm up his body. He squeezes his eyes shut with a grunt as one crawls up his nose. And on that delightful note, I hand over to Sweeney.
Sweeney: We leave the nasty bug scene to go back to the ruins of The Magic Box. Willow steps through the flames, telling Giles that she can take another 10 rounds, but Giles can barely stand. He says that power aside, he can still hurt her. Willow says that all of this is nothing to her. Giles asks what Tara would say about her saying everything else in her life is meaningless. Willow says he can ask her himself, and shoots lightning at him, but Buffy knocks him out of the way just in time. Willow makes a little fireball and says it’ll hunt down Jonathan, Andrew and anyone helping them unless someone can get there in time to save them. Giles, buried under the rubble, tells Buffy to go and she follows the fireball.
Willow’s pleased to have Giles all to herself, and picks up the conversation from his departure. She says he’s a hypocrite coming in here with borrowed magic, after lecturing her about the evils of magic. She whips Giles back and forth between the ground and ceiling as she monologues some more about her big power hungry arc. She accuses Giles of being jealous of her power. It’s an accusation that says more about Willow than Giles. Giles gets a good bit of magic in on her and tells her she might not be as strong as she thinks. Willow says she just needs a pick me up and does the power suck thing to Giles. He collapses and she gets really jumpy and overwhelmed by the surge of power. She says that nobody has ever been that powerful and it quickly turns sour when she says she can feel everyone and there is just too much pain.
Lor: There really was no other way to handle this scene but having Willow sitting there go, “oh, the pain! I can feel things!” was pretty clunky. The jumpy camera effect wasn’t a big help either. Hannigan has been selling pretty much everything so far, but that whole sequence took me out of the moment.
K: Pretty much. Maybe they should have looked for an intermediate step in the whole black eyeballs process so that this extra power could really up the ante… Also, Giles being tortured = finale of season 2 flashbacks.
Sweeney: This reminds me a little bit of when Cordelia was crippled by all the suffering she felt from the coma-inducing vision. Like Cordelia, Willow resolves to fix that suffering. These are obviously not entirely analogous situations, but it’s an interesting parallel on where the two are in their lives. For Cordelia, she had a support system she trusted and it was a moment of finding purpose. For Willow, she’s just lost faith in her support system and, as we learned previously, her sense of greater purpose in this world. Having recently been overcome by her own grief and having that wave of emotion while already charging down a war path makes for a mindset difference that I think is even more important than the various other power dynamics at play. Again, I’m aware of all the flaws in a direct Willow/Cordelia analogy, but it’s interesting to see these two responses to feeling – all at once – all the world’s suffering. I think it’s more mindset than characters themselves although, I don’t want to discount the fact that it is more uniquely Willow than Cordelia to propose a do-it-all-by-myself solution. Clearly, I could talk about this for ages.
Moving on: Xander, Dawn, and the duo are in a cemetery, trying to break into a crypt. Xander’s getting increasingly irritated by the duo’s whining and uselessness. Dawn tries to call his attention to the arriving fireball. Buffy appears just in time to call for everyone to get out of the way and to save Jonathan and Andrew. The Great Contrivance Spirit knows that our sisters have some unfinished business to tend to here in the finale, so Dawn ends up only just out of the way enough to avoid getting hit, but not enough to fall through the earth. Buffy dives in after her. Xander’s unconscious. The duo decide that this is as good a time as any to take off for Mexico – because they’re morons and don’t realize that they would have died just now if they had been alone.
K: IDK. If I were on the run for my life and the people protecting me all suddenly disappeared into a giant hole/got knocked out, I’d probably run too. Better to run than stay put and wait, you know? Plus, everyone knows that The Powers That Be Contriving have no power in Mexico, so they’d probably be safe from Willow’s spells there.
Sweeney: Magic Box. Anya has finally come to and walks through the ruins of her beloved store. She finds Giles and apologizes, explaining that Willow forced her. Giles says he can feel Willow and knows where she is. Anya tells him he needs to rest, and Giles also says that he’s dying because he wants to murder me with overwhelming feelings. He glosses over that part, though, to focus on the fact that because he can feel Willow he knows that she has run off to finish the world. I guess I jumped the gun with that big comment, but that was pretty much implied, already, yeah?
Down below the cemetery, Buffy is trying to find a way to climb out of the giant hole they are now in. Dawn suggests looking for one of Spike’s tunnels to his crypt. When Buffy says that’s the last place she wants to be right now, Dawn chooses this inopportune moment to remind her that it was good enough for Buffy to take her there post-attempted-rape. Bad timing, but a rage point that I can sympathize with – even if it wasn’t Xander’s place to tell Dawn. Buffy continues with her whole, “I was trying to protect you by sheltering you,” line and Dawn (rightly) tells Buffy to look around and take note of the fact that they are trapped and people she loves keep dying so Buffy’s efforts to “protect” Dawn from the knowledge of the big ugly world around them is a giant waste.
Xander calls down into the hole. It’s morning now, and he informs Buffy that Jonathan and Andrew ran off. Buffy tells him to go find some rope or something to get them out. Just then, Anya teleports into the hole to tell Buffy that things have just gotten “end of the world worse.” Willow will be able to destroy the world when she gets to the “big old satanic temple on Kingman’s Bluff.” Buffy and Dawn are confused because no such thing exists.
Segue Magic to Willow on the bluff (the same one where Angel was going to kill himself?) raising that Big Old Satanic Temple.
Lor: Huh. Convenient.
K: Oh, Sunnydale. Don’t ever change.
Sweeney: Down in the hole, Anya’s explaining the elaborate history of how a death cult, of sorts, once tried to destroy the world using an effigy at The Big Old Satanic Temple. It didn’t work for them and they just died when the temple was swallowed up in THE BIG EARTHQUAKE OF ’32. (I looked this up and we were told The Master got swallowed up in ’37. Is someone mistaken or are the two earthquakes?) Willow’s plan is to drain the planet’s life force and channel it into the effigy to burn the planet. Anya goes on to say that the slayer can’t stop her and no magic or supernatural force. (L: That sounds like something with a built in loop hole!) She adds that she needs to get back to Giles because he’s alone and she doesn’t think he has a lot of time left.
Anya teleports out, leaving Buffy and Dawn to cope with that tragic revelation. Buffy calls out to Xander, while Dawn takes a feels moment. We get a flash of Willow chanting to the effigy as Buffy tries to find a way to climb out. Then Willow starts talk to Buffy in the hole, telling her that while Buffy thinks she’s saving the world but Willow’s the only one who really can. We get a shot of Giles and Anya, to see that he is listening to this conversation. Willow says that she knows Buffy and that she won’t go out without a fight – and Willow thinks that she should get to go out fighting. “It was me who took you out of the earth. Now? The earth wants you back.” The ground shakes in the hole and crazy earth demons emerge from the walls.
These baton passes just keep getting cheerier. Have at it, Lor.
Lorraine: I always feel like there should be some sort of high five-ing at these passes.
Sweeney: Request granted:
K: Meanwhile, I’ll be on the other side of the world channelling Liz Lemon:
Lor: Dead people with pincers (?) keep coming out of the earth and Buffy realizes that she can’t take them all by herself. The Music of Significant Moments swells a bit as Buffy turns to her sister and says as much, and asks if Dawn will help her. She dramatically hands Dawn a sword, and thankfully, the Dead People with Pincers don’t attack at all during this sisterly exchange. They probably like sister feels, too. Dawn says she has Buffy’s back and they start the fighting.
Willow is still chanting in front of the Big Old Satanic Temple, telling it to burn away the suffering souls and bring sweet death. Lightening and balls of magic start shooting out of Willow and into the effigy, causing the earth to shake. We see things falling about in the Magic Box and earth falling in the tunnel Dawn and Buffy are in. Anya shakes Giles’s body and tells him not to die– not yet. She has things she wants to tell him, and she starts by thanking him for teleporting all this way, though the whole giving Willow all that magic was an unfortunate side effect.
Sweeney: I have so much love for Anya in this finale.
K: Me too. I’d also like to thank her for clearing up that Giles didn’t take the insta-jet from Heathrow to Sunnydale.
Lor: Willow is still shooting out all her magics when suddenly, Xander steps in front of her magic stream and it stops. BECAUSE HE IS NOT MAGICAL OR SUPERNATURAL AT ALL, YOU GUYS. High five for the every-man! But I’m probably getting ahead of myself. If I’m totally wrong, I will delete these sentences and you will never know. Ahem. (S: AND HERE THEY ARE. SPOILER ALERT.)
Xander tells Willow he’s got mad dry-walling skillz and she blasts him with magic lightening. Xander goes flying, but she flinches and we cut to Giles, his eyes opening as he says, “there.” Anya asks him what, and he says it’s not over.
Dirt Tunnel. Dawn gets pushed down by one of the Dead People with Pincers and yelps. Buffy says she’s coming, but she’s in the middle of fighting off a few DPP herself. Dawn rolls out of the reach of a DPP, grabs her sword again, pierces the dead thing and then cuts its head off. THREE CHEERS FOR USEFUL DAWN! Buffy looks at her like, “the fuck?” and Dawn is all, “duh. I’ve watched you.” I’ve watched her too, Dawnie, for six whole seasons and I can guarantee any sort of smooth, life-saving roll I attempted would definitely end up being a sloppy panda somersault.
Maybe I could cute my enemies to death.
Sweeney: I am officially incapacitated for at least the next 10 minutes. I’m not a very menacing enemy, though. Let’s just hope Snark HQ is never attacked.
K: Having attended Body Combat classes for the last five years, I could probably deliver at least one punch or roundhouse kick. But then I’d probably fall down because it hurt a lot more than I was expecting. So yeah, let’s hope Snark HQ stays attack-free.
Lor: Buffy looks like she might proudly beam at her sister if there weren’t more Dead People with Pincers coming out of the earth.
Big Old Satanic Temple. Willow is juicing up again but Xander stands and the magic stops. She tells him he can’t stop this, and he says he knows, but that if the world is ending, where else would he be? She is his best friend. (Aw.) Willow asks if the master plan is to get all feelings-y and he jokes about the master plan being to walk her off a cliff with an anvil. Considering how heavy handed parts of this episode have been, perhaps this wasn’t a joke.
Anyway, Xander says that he can’t imagine what sort of pain Willow is in. He knows she’s about to do something apocalyptically evil and stupid, but she’s still Willow and he still wants to be there. She tells him not to call her that, but he keeps the stroll down memory lane going. She cried on the first day of kindergarten because she broke the yellow crayon and sure, she’s trying to end the world now, but Xander still loves her.
He says he loves her over and over again.
We always make fun of the Heart power from Captain Planet (because it’s hella lame) but look! Heart saved the day.
Sweeney: Yay Xander! But more importantly: HEART, NOT IT. (L: HEART, NOT IT. LOL. KIRSTI.)
K: NGL, the more I rewatch this episode, the clunkier this scene feels.
Lor: In the dirt tunnel the Dead People with Pincers disappear. At the Magic Box, Giles sits up with a groan and gasp. Anya rushes to him and hugs him, though he says he’s still in pain. She lets him go and asks why they aren’t dead, and he tells her Willow’s been stopped by Heart. Essentially, Giles guessed she’d suck his magic (ew.), which would be a good thing because he was full of white magicks that touched the little piece of humanity she had left, giving Xander the chance to reach her and save everyone. Anya seems conflicted but smiles.
Dawn tells Buffy she thinks it’s over and Buffy sits and sobs. Dawn first thinks it’s disappointed crying but soon guesses that she’s happy crying (K: Happy crying – humany wumany). Buffy realizes that Dawn thought she wanted the world to end. She hugs her sister and apologizes because things haven’t been okay, but they will be. Buffy sees Dawn, now, perhaps in a way she could never see her before. Buffy wants to see things change, to see her friends happy, to see Dawn grow up into a beautiful powerful woman. “I got it so wrong. I don’t want to protect you from the world. I want to show it to you.”
Sweeney: HAYFEVER.
Lor: They embrace again and Sarah McLachlan wants you to give money to the ASPCA. I know it isn’t that song, but I can’t hear Sarah McLachlan without thinking about dogs with sad eyes. Anyway, over one of her songs, we get an almost-ending montage: Buffy lifting herself out of the hole, helping Dawn up as well. Willow is still crying in Xander’s arms. Anya helps Giles up and out of the wreckage of the Magic Box. Andrew and Jonathan hitchhike a ride. Buffy takes in the not-ended world.
And, of freaking course, the episode is going to end on Spike. He’s lying down, but clearly not dead, because obviously. Aqua Eyes tells him that he’s endured the required trials. Spike says he wants to be made what he once was so Buffy can get what she deserves. AND GUYS, WHAT SHE DESERVES IS A BIG HUG AND SOME CUDDLES! IT WAS MISDIRECTION ALL ALONG. He was just calling her a bitch for funsies and growling at the camera for effect!
HE GETS A SOUL.
Ending it on the piece that I called a few episodes ago probably won’t help my over-all impression of this episode. It wasn’t bad, by any stretch, but it was uncharacteristically heavy handed. We skipped nuanced and went straight to a number of feelsy speeches that ended up falling a little flat. A little flat here and a little flat there added up to a finale that was short of what we’ve seen in past seasons. In that way, it was a “perfect” way to end season 6 because it captured a lot of what I felt about the season as a whole: a bit sloppy, a tad unpolished, add some contrivance, plus more Spike than I can handle. Seems about right.
On the topic of Spike, I think I’ll have to wait and see how the soul thing plays out but the Fear Factor Cave was pretty dumb. The misdirection was insanely stupid and I felt highly insulted by the writers the entire time. It’s super contrivant that there is even an out for a vampire to go gain a soul if it’s supposed to be so super impossible for one of them to want one. Like, it’ll never happen and Spike is Super Special, but also, here’s this cave we have designated with a nice set of battles for such a thing. Right.
The idea that the cost of a human soul is to kill any number of creatures feels weird to me. Human soul? We’ve put a price on it– 1 or 2 dozen battles! This is not saying anything about Spike’s motivation to go get a soul. Good for him, I’m sure. My problem with him beyond the stupid situation is that as the season progressed I cared less and less about his character, which felt like more of a service to the plot and the fans than a true, well written character.
But, as I said, it isn’t all bad. The scene with Giles and Buffy in the training room was fantastic. I wasn’t expecting him to laugh, and I don’t think she was either. She looked up at him, bracing herself for his judgement, because that was what she was afraid of all along: judgement. She isn’t a little girl anymore, though, and really, who Buffy is sleeping with seemed so insignificant at that moment and in the grand scheme of things. I loved that she asked about her purpose now that she was living again, because that was missing all season long, and I as a viewer felt it. She didn’t get an answer from Giles, but we see hope that she’s beginning to see the world again, and perhaps therein lies her purpose.
Sweeney: Related, I loved that she ended the episode/season in a way that referenced how she started it – digging herself out of the earth in a cemetery. As contrived as the entire Buffy/Dawn/hole sequence was, I enjoyed almost all of it. Their little moments were nice. As you said, the entire episode was like that, though – they couldn’t seem to get at any of the major things they were going for in anything even remotely resembling subtle. Much of the season has suffered from this ham-fistedness. BUT IT’S OVER AND I AM SO RELIEVED.
Lor: Agreed and excellent point. Dawn has been likened in the comments to Buffy’s inner child, I believe. In Normal Again, I said I saw her representing life or Buffy’s reason to live. When Buffy climbed out of the grave at the beginning of this season, she came out with out a reason to be alive again, without that desire. Here, we see her climbing out, clutching that reason by the hand.
I liked that Xander saved the day even if that final scene felt a little hokey to me. I do like the start of his speech, about having nowhere else to go and loving Willow from start to end. I’m not sure why we had to go to another end of the world set-up, seeing as how Willow seemed dark enough already. We understood the danger we were in, and amping it up to an apocalypse, complete with Big Old Satanic Temple was pretty dumb.
Sweeney: +1 to all of this. Apocalyptic was excessive, but it was nice that Xander got to be the one to save the day.
K: This episode is definitely the worst of the season finales for me. Which isn’t to say that it’s a bad episode. It’s just suffering, as Lor said, from all the problems that plagued season 6 already. I have more thoughts, but I’m in New Zealand and about to go chase hobbits so just imagine that I wrote them here, ‘kay? In short: SEASON 6 IS FINALLY OVER. HALLELUJAH.
Lor: Amen and amen.
Next time: NOT SEASON 6. Tune in for Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 7!
Nicole is the co-captain of Snark Squad and these days she spends most of her time editing podcasts. She spends too much time on Twitter and very occasionally vlogs and blogs. In her day job she's a producer, editor, director, and sometimes host of educational YouTube channels. She loves travel, maps, panda gifs, and semicolons. Writing biographies stresses her out; she crowd sourced this one years ago and has been using a version of it ever since. She would like to thank Twitter for their help.
I'm a 30-something librarian and I still live with my parents because I'm super broke. Leader of Team Heartless Cow. I have an inexplicable love for 90s television, eat too much chocolate, and read more than is good for me.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
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