Previously: Christina Hendricks was the best hangover ever, right until she started trying to kill everyone.
—
Jaynestown
Marines: Kaylee is doubting Simon’s claim that he swears. She cutely asks if he does all this cussing when she goes to bed, and he retorts that he swears when it’s appropriate. Kaylee thinks the point of swearing is that it’s never appropriate. I get what she means, and I may have agreed with her more BEFORE I read the Fifty Shades series and was educated in the ways of the world: sometimes there ain’t nothing more appropriate than a big, fat FUCK YOU.
Sweeney:
Mari: Anyhow, Kaylee and Simon pause their chatter when they spot Inara. Kaylee greets her and asks if she’s off for a romantic night, and Inara says she hopes so. She tells them not to let Mal get them in trouble and that she’ll see them soon. Kaylee calls after her to have good sex and Simon gives her an, “OMG. YOU SAID THE S WORD” look.
Sara: If your job is having sex, you might as well have good sex.
Sweeney:
Mari: Simon’s snapped out of his prudishness by some clanging and clatter, coming from the infirmary and caused by none other than Jayne. Simon is upset to find the mess Jayne’s made looking for tape, which he’s now using to strap a gun to his manly Jayne torso. I hear some of you guys are fans.
Mal comes in to exposit that they will be landing on Canton factory soon, where they don’t allow guns. Jayne says that’s why he isn’t carrying it on his hip. Mal tells him he isn’t going to carry a gun, period.
Sara: He’s so sweet and polite most of the time, but damn, he gives good snark.
Sweeney: Because he’s so polite! It’s sneaky snark.
Mari: Jayne tries to argue with Mal about that gun, but my beloved TV boyfriend (S: Ahem.) (S: LOL. The dissolution of The Snark Squad will look something like this. Quick, Mari, call dibs on your part.) (M: BRB. REWATCHING THE VIDEO TO DECIDE.) shuts him down. Jayne looks down at his taped up torso, and rips off a small section. He looks back up at the camera and whimpers a bit. Jayne, I know some people in the comments who will kiss your boo-boo!
Wash lands Serenity. In the process, he calls to Inara and tells her she’s clear for her own take-off. We watch her disengage and fly off.
Canton. The crew exits the ship and Simon is quick to note that Canton is really stinky, making it, according to Mal, an ideal drop off point. No one pokes around the stinky places. Mal further explains that they are going to make contact with a man named Kessler, collect the goods they are to deliver and leave. He leaves Zoe in charge of the ship, which is usually Wash’s job, but she outranks him. She gives him a cute kiss. I think she grabs his butt a little. That’s mostly head canon.
Simon asks about the mud they made in Canton, and Kaylee clarifies that they make clay, which ends up in a lot of different things. Serenity has a few ceramic parts, for instance. Kaylee suggests that Simon join them on their job, but he doesn’t seem particularly keen on the idea. Shepherd Book steps in and encourages the plan, saying that he can watch River while Simon enjoys the sights. He jokes that he should be able to look after a flock of one. There is a brief shot of River, clasping her hands in a faux-innocent way. One second longer and I’m sure she’d start batting her eye lashes.
Sweeney: This was a two second moment but it was an ADORABLE two seconds.
Mari: At this point, Mal jumps in and says Simon might even make himself useful as they are posing as buyers and Simon is the only one who looks like one: the pretty fits, soft hands– definitely a moneyed individual, all rich, lily-white and pasty all over. Simon stops the back-of-a-romance-novel description of himself with an, “I’ll go, just stop describing me.” Mal jokingly calls Simon the boss.
Sara: I wonder how long Mal could have kept coming up with descriptive words for Simon. I could have listened for a few more minutes, at least.
Mari: Full tens of minutes, really.
Jayne, decked in a heavy jacket and goggles, sarcastically says that his day keeps getting better and better.
Mal, Kaylee, Jayne, Wash and Simon approach the mud farming area and are promptly spotted and yelled at by the foreman, who says that only employees and buyers are allowed. Simon is a horrid actor and stammers that he’s looking to buy some mud. The foreman jumps into his sales spiel, which includes customer savings by means of indentured servitude. This is happening by way of pede-sales-pitch, that is, they are walking and talking, so we get to see Jayne looking nervously about.
Once they stop, Simon keeps stammering and Wash sarcastically calls Simon a master of disguise is. Kaylee rolls her eyes a bit and says that Simon is learning. Mal finally interrupts and suggests that perhaps the foreman would like to get back to his job while they take a look around. Simon is all, “yes. that.” The foreman leaves them and Mal says they have to go find their man and make their deal.
Wash jokes about Jayne’s disguise and says that no one going to remember him since he hasn’t been to Canton in years. Mal says it’s possible that people might in fact remember. We see what Mal sees: a statue of a man and underneath a little plaque that reads, “Jayne Cobb.” The Strings of Whacky Hijinks say dooo-deeee-doooo-doooo as we see the different reaction faces of the crew. Simon says, “son of a bitch,” BECAUSE CURSE WORDS ARE FUN.
YOU CAN’T TAKE THE SKY FROM ME. (S: IT HAS GROWN ON ME. I WAS HAPPILY HUMMING ALONG AGAINST MY BETTER JUDGMENT.)
That was a seven minute teaser.
After the credits, Mal asks Jayne if he’d like to explain about Statue Jayne, but it turns out, Jayne has no idea what’s going on. When he was in Canton the first time, he stole some things but the job went south, which isn’t the kind of thing that usually gets you made into a statue. Jayne is talking and we cut to Simon who is seriously disturbed.
Mari: Wash jokes that they really captured his essence, and when Kaylee notes that he looks angry, Wash clarifies that that’s kind of what he meant.
A horn blows signaling the end of a shift and Jayne gets panicky. Kaylee leans from side to side, saying Statue Jayne’s eyes are following her around. Jayne continues to freak out and says he pissed off the magistrate while he was stealing and that he isn’t exactly a forgiving man.
Segue Magic to Inara greeting the magistrate. He tells her to call him “Mr. Higgins” as “magistrate” is for the people he owns. Inara has the good grace to look disturbed. They arrange to start their whatever they are doing at 7:30. He says it’s going to take all her art to address this problem. Also, he’s played by Gregory Itzin, who has been in a number of things I’ve never seen before.
Sara: Girl, you’re really missing out on I Know Who Killed Me.
Mari: Noted.
Serenity. Book checks in on River who is sitting in the kitchen, “fixing” his Bible. She rants about integrating evolution and Noah’s Arc being a problem, all while tearing out pages.
Canton Bar. Jayne is in denial about Statue Jayne. Wash takes a gulp of some drink and promptly spits it back out, crying out in Mandarin. (SWEENEY TRANSLATION: “DEATH IN MY MOUTH WHY WHY WHY“) (M: A+. I don’t even care what the real translation is.) Jayne says it’s Mudder’s Milk: all the protein, vitamins and carbs of your grandma’s best turkey dinner plus 15% alcohol. Simon tells them that it’s not so different from ancient Egyptians who fed this type of liquid bread to slaves to keep them from dying and put them to sleep at night. Kaylee says that was awful historical of Simon. I think Simon could read the phone book to Kaylee and she’d enjoy it.
Sara: Kaylee and me both…
Sweeney: +1. I’m not trying to get shanked in your Brandy/Monica showdown, so I’m over here all, “I CALL THAT ONE INSTEAD.” (Because of course I call the one who is actually gay. My life.)
Mari: I’m sorry your TV boyfriend is real life gay. (Snark Squad Hallmark card, anyone?)
Mal notices that a fancy looking fella enters the bar. Jayne yells at a little boy sitting near by for staring at him. The Fancy Fella sits down and asks if Mal and crew happen to be looking for a Kessler. Mal says he’s just having a brew, but Fancy Fella keeps talking: Kessler got caught moving contraband and was killed by the foreman. The contraband is still in Kessler’s hiding place, but they have to find a way to move it across town, hidden from the foreman. Fancy says they should all lay low for a bit and leaves.
A guitar strum quickly follows, as a man on a makeshift stage sings, “Jayne.” Jayne curses as we head to the stage now and let the bar singer delight us with an ode to Jayne.
“He robbed from the rich and he gave to the poor
Stood up to the man and he gave him what for
Our love for him now ain’t hard to explain
The hero of Canton
The man they call Jayne
Our Jayne saw the mudders’ backs breakin’
He saw the mudders’ laments
And he saw the magistrate takin’
Every dollar and leaving five cents
So he said, “you can’t do that to my people”
Sweeney: Someone on Twitter was nervous that if I had this episode I would make fun of this song. Rest assured that I also found this to be one of the most delightful things that has ever happened.
Mari: Thankfully, the song keeps going, and the entire thing is sold by the various looks of the crew. Simon has got his mouth hanging open. Wash is doing a confused bird sort of head movement as he looks back and forth from the singer to Jayne. Mal does a slower, sweeping look at his surroundings. At one point, Kaylee has her hand over her mouth. No one is more shocked, though, than Jayne.
Mal, over the still being sung song, leans in and asks, “uh, Jayne?” Jayne’s brow is furrowed and he doesn’t look up, but responds, “yeah Mal?” Those two words set me off giggling again. Mal asks if Jayne has any light to shed on this development, but alas. He doesn’t.
Mari: Simon takes a big swing of his drink and the song continues:
“Now here is what separates heroes
From common folk like you and I
The man they call Jayne
He turned ’round his plane
And let that money hit the sky.”
Back at the table, Jayne has a realization: so that’s where all that money he stole went. He explains that he stole 60,000 of some denomination and a hovercraft but got caught and tagged by “antiaircraft.” He was losing altitude and had to get rid of the strongboxes to stay airborne. He dropped all that money. Jayne drinks, Mal puts his head in his hands, and Wash smiles.
Sweeney: Steve the Pirate, you can be a hero in Traumaland. Come visit us.
Mari: We’ll even add a choreographed dance to the song we write you!
Serenity. Book has the water running and he lets go of his hair. We cut to just outside of his room, where River is calling out to him. She comes into his room and says she tore out the pages from his symbol and they turned into paper. (It’s such a #totesdeep throwaway line.) Book didn’t hear a thing she said, though, because he was washing his face. He stands and asks what she said, and she freaks.
Canton Bar. Jayne wants to get the heck out and Mal finally relents. As soon as he exits the bar, though, he’s greeted by a large crowd who all start chanting his name. The little boy who was staring at Jayne earlier smiles proudly. Jayne turns right back around and runs all the way to the bar. A mudder clarifies to the bar people that this is Jayne, come back! The bar tender knocks the bottle of Mudders’ Milk out of Jayne’s hand and says the hero of Canton gets to drink the best whiskey in the house! There is much cheering and crowding.
Mal comes back into the bar. Fancy Fella grabs his arm and says they were supposed to be laying low. Fancy Fella doesn’t want to get killed like Kessler. Mal grabs his hand and removes it from his arm, saying this is just part of their new plan. Fancy looks unconvinced. With good reason, too, because a second later, Mal confesses to Kaylee that he’s still working out the plan details.
Sexy Shuttle. Inara prepares a tea set-up when Higgins comes in with another man in tow. Inara tries to politely kick Higgins out, but first he has to make sure we know that Inara was hired to bed his 26-year-old, still a virgin son. Inara again insists that Higgins GTFO and shows him to the door.
Sara: And she’s so damn classy about it the whole way through. I wish I possessed the ability to throw people out of my house with grace so I can go back to being pantsless and watching Netflix.
Mari: It would certainly make life less awkward.
Canton Bar. It appears that either Jayne is now enjoying the attention or, you know, alcohol. The mudders toast to him and he toasts to the mudders right back. Nearby, Kaylee and Simon sit together. Simon tells a slurred story about a girl who named a hamster after him after he reattached her whole leg. Jayne gets a whole town for just dropping a bag of money. They toast to Jayne and Kaylee tells Simon he’s pretty funny. Simon tells her she’s pretty pretty, especially when she’s covered in engine grease.
Mal comes over and tells them it’s time to go, but Kaylee whines a bit and says things are going so well. Mal doesn’t get it, so Kaylee emphasizes, with very raised eyebrows, that things are going well. Mal, bless his heart, is all, “OH. WELL.” and tells Kaylee and Simon to stay at the bar and keep an eye on Jayne. Kaylee pats Mal’s hand appreciatively and smiles.
Serenity. River is hiding in the secret compartment we learned about in the pilot, hilariously going on about heads caving in and brains being in grave danger. Book tries to coax her out, but she refuses telling him that there is “too much hair.” Zoe snort laughs and Book is all, “is that it?” Zoe answers, “hell yes, preacher.” Book starts talking about the rules of his order and symbolism again, but Zoe takes over and tells River that Book is going to put the hair away now. River doesn’t care because the hair will still be there.
The great hair debate is interrupted by the return of Mal and drunk Wash. Zoe tells him how their client wants his merchandise yesterday. Wash giggles about Jayne being a folk hero with a song and everything. Zoe is all, “SHUT UP,” (that’s really what she says in Mandarin. I’m not Princess Diaries-ing you). Mal confirms that it’s true and then shares his recently formed plan: he’s convinced some mudders to hold a Jayne Day celebration that will hopefully distract from them moving goods through town. Wash giggles again and Zoe gives him the best, “what in the hell?” look.
Sexy Shuttle. Fess says it’s totally embarrassing that he’s a virgin and had to get a companion, but Inara soothes him by saying that companions choose their clients carefully. She wouldn’t have come for Higgins. Fess is all, “COOL! I APPRECIATE THAT YOU WOULDN’T SLEEP WITH MY DAD.” Not really, but almost. Inara tells him to accept that he’s different from his father and leans in for a kiss.
Sweeney: Further proof of how legit Inara’s skills are: she can jump from talk of boning his dad to initiating sexytimes in about 15 seconds.
Mari: Bar. A mudder is telling Jayne about how the magistrate tried to take the money back from the mudders, but they all stood against him and they all got to keep the money. Then, they erected Statue Jayne, and Higgins wanted to take it down, but they rioted. Jayne is moved.
The foreman informs Magistrate Higgins that Jayne Cobb is back.
We cut to them walking out on a thin sort of dock that has some elevated boxes lined along it. Higgins and the foreman stop outside of one and open it up. There is a man tucked in there. Higgins greets him, calling him Stitch, and tells him that ohana means family. JAYKAY. He says that he’s done his time and paid his debts and he’s released now. Stitch pulls himself forward into the light, so we see he’s all raggedy, missing an eye, and surprisingly well toned for having spent four years in a box. Higgins returns his personal effects, which include a loaded gun. Stitch questions this, and Higgins says that he may be itching to use the gun, but should use it on the right person. The person who partnered with him and then abandoned him when the job went south. The person who pushed him out of a shuttle and cost him his eye and four years of his life. Jayne Cobb. And guess who happens to be back in town right now? Jayne Cobb. Higgins walks away and Stitch cocks his gun right into a Not Commercial Break.
Sweeney: WELP. I knew the giggles couldn’t last forever.
Mari: It’s still a Whedon show, after all.
Daytime. The camera pans about the Canton Bar so that we see various people in various states of passed out. Kaylee sleeps on top of Simon on a bench. Kaylee stirs to find Mal standing just next to her. There’s some awkwardness as Kaylee stands and Simon also wakes up. Simon gives a bunch of fractured excuses about how there was drinking, but certainly no… and he would never… not with Kaylee. She snaps her head around to look at him and asks why not with her? Say it with me: aw.kward.
Mal doesn’t say anything but a, “yeah, uh-huh,” and asks where the hero is. Jayne emerges from somewhere upstairs with a female mudder. He’s singing the Jayne song but replacing all the “Jayne”s with “me”s. Jayne wants eggs or mudder’s milk but Mal needs him to make an appearance so they can finish up their job. Mal also waves for Kaylee to join them. Simon starts to follow and Kaylee turns and asks where he think he’s going. Simon sheepishly answers that he’s going with them. Kaylee’s all, “yeah, no.” She tells him that it’s about time for civilized people to have breakfast and it would be the appropriate thing to do. Kaylee turns and walks away and Mal gives a shrug and I’d like to think he’s thinking, “OOOH SNAP.”
Fess and Inara are in bed, and she notes that he’s very quiet. He apologizes and explains that he thought he’d feel different after. Inara tells him that their sexy times was just a symbol, and one she hopes wasn’t entirely forgettable, but it didn’t make him a man. He has to do that himself. Inara’s scenes so far have been weirdly boring, I guess, but probably only in comparison to a whole Jayne song. They are interrupted by someone knocking on the Sexy Shuttle entrance telling Fess to get out.
Mal explains the Jayne celebration plan to Jayne, who earnestly says that maybe they shouldn’t use his fame to hoodwink people, as there may be something to him being a hero for the mudders. Wash rides up with Zoe on the mule.
Sweeney: The marriage to which all marriages aspire.
Mari: Mal and Kaylee hop on the mule as Jayne jokes that he’ll pinch Zoe. Everyone takes it in good humor as Mal tells Jayne to get over to town square where his fans are waiting. Those four ride off, then search for and find their hidden cargo.
Sexy Shuttle. Fess is dressed now as he explains to Inara that he’s been ordered to attend a criminal hearing for a man who stole money from his father and then gave it to the poor. Inara perks up at hearing this, because doesn’t that just sound like someone she knows? When Fess says that this man landed in Canton yesterday, that’s enough for Inara to cement her assumptions. She tells Fess that she knows this man, and that he’s got an “idiotic sense of nobility.” She goes on about how unrelenting he is, until Fess jumps up and asks if she really knows Jayne. Inara drops the cup in her hand and stammers over Jayne’s name. Fess confirms that yes, he’s talking about Jayne Cobb, the hero of Canton, and the only man whoever stood up to his father. They’ve traced him back to his ship and they’ve landlocked Serenity, so that he won’t be able to get away. Inara, still shocked, says that would be bad.
Cut to Simon pushing some gross looking food around his plate. Stitch comes in, demanding that Simon bring him to Jayne. He punctuates this demand, and his entire speech, by kicking and punching Simon. It’s looking pretty bad for Simon, until we hear people chanting Jayne’s name, and the Stitch leads Simon outside.
Jayne’s appearance is a sufficient distraction. The crew manages to ride on by with their mule full of cargo. On Serenity, Zoe is tasked with packing the cargo and Wash heads off to heat up the ship. Mal and Kaylee head back to collect their missing crew members.
Jayne stands in front of Statue Jayne as his fans demand a speech. Jayne says he doesn’t much use words, but offers that the mudders took the crappy end of the stick and really took it. They appreciate the sentiment and cheer. Mal and Kaylee are in the audience, shocked that his words didn’t sound half bad. The crowd is dispersed by a gun shot. Jayne recognizes Stitch, carrying a gun and pushing Simon down to the ground. Stitch says he thought he’d make Jayne watch while he butchered Simon. Jayne plays it cool and says Simon isn’t part of his crew.
Kaylee helps Simon up as Stitch asks Jayne what all this noise about the hero of Canton is about. Jayne says he isn’t a hero, just a working stiff, which makes Stitch laugh and launch into his villain-esque monologue. Mal tries to sneak up on Stitch and and interrupt his speech, but Stitch points his gun at him, because rude. Back to the speech: There was a lot of money in the magistrate’s safe and they got away with it until their craft started going down. They dropped everything from the fuel reserve to the seats, until it was just Jayne, Stitch and the money, and Jayne wasn’t about to drop the money. A nearby Jayne Fanboy says that Jayne did drop the money on them, but Stitch says it was an accident and that it only happened after he’d tossed Stitch off
Jayne thinks Stitch would’ve done the same but he denies that. You are supposed to protect the man you’re with. Jayne asks if he’s going to be talked to death, so Stitch fires his gun. Jayne Fanboy jumps in front of the bullet. After a cut to black, we’re back with a close-up on his dead face. Jayne reacts by throwing a knife that lands dead in Stitch’s chest. Stitch drops his gun and runs at Jayne, who knocks him out easily and proceeds to bash his head angrily against the ground. Jayne calms a bit, only to see Dead Jayne Fanboy. He screams, “get up,” and Mal looks away like maybe there’s something caught in his eye or lodged in his throat. I don’t know if I assign so many feels to Mal because he’s my TV boyfriend, or if he’s my TV boyfriend because he has so many feels. Huh. (S: I SAID AHEM.)
Sweeney:
Mari: That boy is mi-ine!
Anyhow, Jayne shouts at the crowd that no one is just gonna drop money on them, especially if it’s money they can use. There are no people like that in the world, just people like him. The little boy who was staring at Jayne in the beginning of the episode, comes over to hand him back his knife, which he pulled out of Dead Stitch’s chest. Jayne grabs it forcefully and turns toward Jayne Statue. With some effort, he topples it.
We cut to Jayne, Simon, Kaylee and Mal returning to Serenity. Mal calls to Wash and says they’ve boarded, so they can go now. Wash responds that he’s working on it and we head to the bridge. An alarm starts blaring and the ship powers down. Wash checks out a screen that helpfully says, “LAND LOCKED” in case we forgot. Wash curses in Chinese and starts banging on buttons. I’m the type of person who bangs or shakes broken things too. My mother knocks on them.
Inara comes into the bridge and asks if anything went wrong with take-off. Wash starts grumbling but suddenly the alarm stops and they are good to go. Wash is confused and Inara just smiles.
Cut to Higgins yelling at Fess for sending an override to port control. Higgins doesn’t think Fess should be smiling, but he calmly replies, “you wanted to make a man out of me, dad. I guess it worked.”
Sara: Related.
Mari: Y’alls Youtube game was on point today. Congrats.
Serenity. River is crouched over some books, writing something or other when Book approaches her a bit cautiously. He doesn’t say anything and River doesn’t look up as she says, “just keep walking, preacher man.” (S: Precious.)
Kaylee and Simon are on his bed as she tells him that he needs to be a bit steelier and not let men stomp on him. Simon says that wasn’t exactly his plan. She says he isn’t weak, and wonders if fighting back wouldn’t have been appropriate. She’s the one friend who over uses the one joke. In this case, though, it works because it gives her an opening. She tells Simon that he confounds her. They like each other and get along, and then he gets all stiff. Simon answers by getting stiff, which Kaylee calls him on. Manners don’t mean much at the edge of the universe, she claims, but Simon thinks it means more out here. It’s all he has and respecting her is the only way he knows to show that he likes her. Still in small, soft voice Kaylee starts, “so when we made love last night,” and Simon is all, “WAIT WHAT?” She laughs and calls him an easy mark. Aw, Kaylee. (S: Precious and hilarious.)
Mal finds Jayne in the cargo hold, brooding over Dead Jayne Fanboy. Jayne doesn’t think the mudders understood what happened today, and that they are probably sticking Statue Jayne right back up. That thought eats at him and he doesn’t know why. Mal: “It’s my estimation that every man ever got a statue made of him was one kind of sonofabitch or another. Ain’t about you, Jayne. It’s about what they need.” Jayne considers it but shakes his head and says it doesn’t make any sense as a tinkly, slower version of the Hero of Canton song takes us to a cut to black.
Sara: Have I claimed a favorite episode yet? Because this is my favorite episode. This is another one of those times where we see all of the characters reacting to something in exactly the way you would expect them to. This show is the best at that. Plus we got to see the softer side of Jayne, and the River/Book stuff was endearing. HOW IS IT ALREADY EPISODE SEVEN?
Sweeney: ALL THE EPISODES ARE FAVORITES. THAT’S THE RULE. Seriously though, the middle of this episode is so reliably happy-making that I’ve mentally filed this away for times when I’m having a shitty day. Like, I might actually make a “Feel Better About Life” cut of this episode with all the Jaynestown goodness.
Nothing more to say than, “This show continues to be amazing and all the characters are my best friends forever.”
Mari: If we weren’t sure about this how and it’s anti-hero goodness, here is another episode to really drive it home. Plus, as comparatively dull as I found Inara at points, I liked that she too was a bit of a hero here. She was in a position to help the entire crew, and she did. Plus, there’s the hero of Canton, Jayne. For all his huffing and puffing, he’s sort of like the immature little brother of the ship at times. All of his shocked reactions in this episode were a joy to watch.
I’m super glad at least one Whedon show is making us happy. Grumble, grumble.
Next time on Firefly: The crew has to abandon Serenity and an injured Mal gets flashback-y in S01 E08 – Out of Gas.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
Nicole is the co-captain of Snark Squad and these days she spends most of her time editing podcasts. She spends too much time on Twitter and very occasionally vlogs and blogs. In her day job she's a producer, editor, director, and sometimes host of educational YouTube channels. She loves travel, maps, panda gifs, and semicolons. Writing biographies stresses her out; she crowd sourced this one years ago and has been using a version of it ever since. She would like to thank Twitter for their help.
I'm a 30-something with three kids who spends an embarrassing amount of time watching teen television dramas. There's a whole lot of Internet out there, and I plan on reading all of it before I die.
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