Previously: The Beast started to blot out (exclusively in LA, of course) the sun and maybe has a connection with Angel(us) and some other weird shit happened.
—
Awakening
Sweeney: Random people in Los Angeles (a father and child, a postalworker, YOU, DEAR EVERYMAN VIEWER!) are watching the news or the sky in shock and horror about the “localized abnormality” that is the blotted out sun. It’s funny, particularly for us joint-watchers, to have them address this, “No, the sun’s not gone in Sunnydale, because of reasons! Don’t worry about it.” Also, the news is being reported by KTLA5 and I always get a little giddy about that, because that was the nightly local news I watched. Or, like, kept on in the background because I didn’t feel like turning the TV off while I played Roller Coaster Tycoon.
Lorraine: People throwing up on my clean sidewalks used to carry over into my dreams. Man, I loved that game.
Sweeney: Spoiler alert: the KTLA5 news anchor and this nostalgia for our own pre-Angel lives is the highlight of the episode.
Brooding Hotel. Gunn turns off the TV and reminds the audience that no sun = vampire playground. Fred is trying to decipher symbols and says she wishes she had Wes to help her. Gunn says that’s not an option, continuing his expository updates with the fact that Wes and Gwen are now gone (presumably separately, though).
Kirsti: Gunn’s also a giant dick about it, because “FRED = MINE, HANDS OFF,” and he really needs to get over himself.
Sweeney: Eh, it didn’t grate as much here. Maybe I’ve just gotten numb to it, but I don’t mind the silent stewing over the issue as much as the actual asshole comments. It’s way past time for them to break up, though.
Connor brats about how evil Angel is, but Cordelia tells him to STFU because he’s never met Angelus. Gunn thinks that Wesley was right and it’s time to look into that as an option. (Which, I assume is what Wesley is up to, but a, “Guys, I’m headed off to look into this,” was apparently too much effort for him.) (L: Saving up energy for glaring!) More long-winded explanation, this time from Cordelia on the gypsy-curse-soul-perfect-happiness thing.
Angel has just been singing to Lorne in his office, though the audience is thankfully spared this. Unfortunately, Lorne found nothing, noting that whatever this interaction between Angelus and The Beast was that Cordelia saw, it must be buried super deep inside Angelus. The inner-workings of this split personality bullshit has never been a strong Buffyverse play, so I’m obvs THRILLED that we’ll be navigating that for an entire episode. Probably episodes. Yay!
Somewhere else, a man (ninja?) in red (maroon?) is doing a little chanting and murdering (K: Of animals though, so it’s…IDK, marginally more acceptable by society?). Wesley struts in and says he requires “certain skills” and it’s more giggle-worthy than badass. Wesley says he needs a soul extracted. Dramatic music. Electric Cellos.
After the credits, Connor throws a temper tantrum about all the reasons Angel ruined his life. The first of which is somewhat valid bitterness that everyone suspected him when it was Angelus all along. It becomes considerably less valid when it’s whiny teenager my-parents-ruined-my-life and ends on the fact that his Mrs. Robinson isn’t all that into him after all. Angel’s “Get over it” would have been a decent response, if it weren’t an echo of Cordelia’s statement to him. Or if I didn’t feel like the writers were trying to tell me, the audience member deeply disapproving of basically all of their choices to get over it. Womp.
K: Connor is just the WORST EVER in this scene. Also, Charisma Carpenter is now quite obviously pregnant.
Lor: Kirsti, get over it.
Sweeney: Lorne suggests that they get back to pep talking, because he’s the only well adjusted person in this band of self-righteous assholes. Speaking of maladjusted self-righteous assholes, their talk of needing a plan is Wesley’s clue to enternounce that he’s decided on his Maroon Ninja plan and brought it here and there’s no need for discussion because the writers would rather write another eight dozen Alpha Male Pissing Contests than let their characters have a rational conversation (K: A+). Angel and Wesley go into Angel’s office for their Alpha Male Pissing Contest. Wesley says they’re in serious danger and this is totes temporary. Angel points out that Angelus is some serious danger. Angel storms out, having none of it.
Angel goes out to the courtyard to brood. Cordelia comes out to join the brooding and say that she’s on his side, because between her lived experience with Angelus in Sunnydale and reliving it when she and this show floated off to storylines they could never recover from, she knows that Angelus is Bad News. She’s not sure if Connor’s right or not, but does go on at weird length about how clever Angelus is. It’s really unsettling and doesn’t feel like Cordelia — like something’s off about her. She tries to cover for it, by saying that it’s sadistic smarts, but it still feels weird.
K: I mean, Cordy’s usually not big with the tact (“tact is just saying stuff that’s not true”), but this was above and beyond, even for her. Just keep digging yourself into that hole, honey.
Lor: Given that we’re supposed to believe that Cordy was so repulsed by Angelus she couldn’t love Angel, “smart” is a weird way for her to be describing him right now, agreed. Plus, I’ve never ONCE gotten the “ingenious” vibe from anything we’ve seen from Angelus, so, okay show. Okay.
Sweeney: Overcome by the insult of Cordelia finding Angelus brilliant, Angel brood-stomps back into the building to tell them that they need a 10×12 steel-reinforced cage. Gunn thinks that’s going to be hopelessly inadequate to contain The Beast, so that Wesley can correct that it’s for Angel before wannabe-badass-stomping in the other direction. I wonder if the actual scripts have lines like, “CHARACTERS STORM OFF SO THAT WE DON’T HAVE TO WRITE ACTUAL CONVERSATIONS.”
(I’m kind of kidding because there’s not much more to say here, but only kind of because this happens a lot.)
In the basement, they’re finishing off the cage and Lorne’s bowing out of actually being present for the dark magic. Angel says to tell the womenfolk that their delicate constitutions need not stick around for it either. (K: SNARK LADY MIND MELD – my notes say “Yes, let’s keep the womenfolk out of things, Angel. FUCK YOU.”) (L: Only our vaginas can be tragically magical.) He chats with Connor, warning him of how mega evil Angelus is and noting that it’s important that Connor remember that Angelus isn’t his father. He also (finally) assures Connor that no matter what happened (awk) he still loves him. They exchange deep meaningful glances. “It’s a paycheck,” their faces say. “SAG health benefits are good,” glimmers in their eyes.
Lor: “We love our readers,” the Snark ladies think. “We finish what we start,” we assure ourselves.
Sweeney: Angel also tells Connor he’ll have to kill Angelus if anything goes wrong and Connor’s as eager as anyone but Angel, apparently, would have expected.
Cut to a little while later, when the ceremony is about to begin. Cordelia is there, in spite of Angel’s wishes. She gives no fucks because she’s Cordelia Chase. The Soul Whisperer advises Gunn to add an additional padlock for their safety. He starts chanting, but tells Angel to say goodbye, buying Angel enough time to break an arm free of one of the locks. (LOL, very effective plan, guys!) and grab the guy’s hand. Gunn scrambles do undo the lock. The Maroon Ninja says that he’s an agent of “The Awakening” and thus has no interest in helping them. The gang corner him and demand to know why The Beast suddenly wants Angelus dead and/or what The Beast’s plan is. Rather than talk, he kills himself.
They check to see if he has anything on him. (Specifically, they tell Gunn to do that, which is about the third or fourth time in less than twenty minutes somebody has barked an order at him.) He does, indeed, have words tattooed all over his body. After a Not Break we learn that it’s more or less that history of The Beast, who was also conveniently missing from records (a thing we discussed at length in the comments of the corresponding Buffy episode). Wes keeps reading (K: “HE TOUCHED THE BUTT!”) and says there is some mentioning of creating a “tooth” that would defeat The Beast. They all keep on speculating, but the camera cuts to Connor and Angel while Wesley’s reading, so I’m betting that the tooth is Connor and this creation that Wesley is reading about is the rough explanation for how/why Connor exists.
Except apparently not, because Cordelia gets her creepy white vision eyes on and says that it’s a pretty sword and she knows it’s in LA, buried under the city. Oh well. It was a guess.
Lor: The cameraman nudged you that way, too.
Sweeney: Angel snarks that there was a sword the whole time, so it’s a good thing Wesley had that whole, “Bring someone to cut off my head,” plan. Wesley mumbles that he’s sorry and starts to walk away. Angel goes after them and they have AN ACTUAL CONVERSATION. Wesley reiterates that he’s sorry, though it’s got a bit of a you-owe-me string attached to it when he adds that it would have made dragging up from the ocean a waste. Angel says it’s the first time he heard Wesley apologize for anything and this conversation is actually kind of bratty, but my standards are low enough now that I appreciated it anyway.
Connor says it’s time to go sword-hunting. They wander in rock tunnels under Los Angeles. They come across a scene straight out of Christian Grey’s Red Womb of Domestic Violence. Angel flicks at a leather strap and a bunch of stakes come flying together, just in front of his face. “Why did it have to be wood?” he asks, but I’m pretty sure that if he had been standing there and they were made of metal, it would have decapitated him just fine.
K: Part of me suspects this is a throwback to Raiders of the Lost Ark and “Why did it have to be snakes?”
Lor: Meanwhile, I’m laughing at “wood” and mention of the Red Womb. It’s an ewlol.
Sweeney: There’s a whole network of these leather straps that trigger stakes to come flying out of the wall. They all tip toe around them, navigating them successfully until the very end, so that they get trapped. On the other side is what seems to be a dead end. Except it’s not a dead end, it’s a National Treasure-style riddle, which Wesley solves, but not until after he gets stabbed through the hand by a stake (K: And then has, like, NO REACTION. Weird.). The wall opens into a door, but Connor and Angel have to hold it open, and Connor insists that they both move out from it simultaneously, rather than letting Angel stay alone to possibly get crushed.
On the other side of the wall, two paths diverge in a rocky cave…and they decide to split up. (L: A+) Connor pouts about getting sent with Wesley. Cordelia starts to tell Angel she’s made a mess of things, but again, there is weirdness. This is distracted when she finds a room that she insta-knows is the right one. There is an unidentified light source. Angel waves his hand around a bit and ends up sticking it in a giant bubble which he also insta-knows is an inter-dimensional hub. He reaches around a bit like he’s rummaging through a closet and yanks out the sword, very proud and self-satisfied. Unfortunately for him, the inter-dimensional hub gets really red and angry and the room starts glowing and shaking and falling apart and also being on fire.
K: Again, reminiscent of Raiders of the Lost Ark, except with a sword rather than a gold idol, and fire instead of a giant boulder.
Sweeney: After a Not Break, Cordelia is up to her old Screaming Damsel in Distress ways and Angel must jump over contrived non-vampire-murdering fire to rescue her. Once they are free, they have a big emotional moment where Cordelia apologizes for sleeping with Connor when she really wanted to be with him. EW. “Sorry I slept with your kid instead of you!” She goes on to say that she knows how he’s mega evil, but she loves him anyway. They have their big romantic makeout, but I’m still stuck on using his child as a sexual stand-in for him.
K: Excuse me while I vomit repeatedly.
Lor: But… but… you have to get over it!
Sweeney: Not quite yet: Connor unsurprisingly shows up while they’re kissing. He walks off and Angel follows him to a booby-trapped room. Angel tries to get him to stand still, but of course he doesn’t and they fight, with stakes randomly flying out of the walls, Connor literally saying, “She was mine!” like she’s a toy (emotional maturity of a five year old) and Angel comically ignorant with his, “Sometimes what you want isn’t what other people need.” Cordelia shows up to tell Connor that she wasn’t his and sorry not sorry.
NGL, Connor might be have a creepy skin-wearing face and be a giant brat, but if I had half a fuck to give for anyone in that scene, it would be him. I hate what they have done to Cordelia most of all. I want to punch her in the ovaries pretty much anytime she’s on screen and that kind of hurts my soul.
Brooding Hotel. Angel, Cordelia, and Wesley return with the sword, and say Connor is out shaving his hands/patrolling. Gunn asks to play with the sword and it’s cute. Unfortunately, it’s time to get to the nitty gritty. Fred (K: Who suddenly has excellent hair)(S: Yes! Lovely!) and Gunn did their research and confirmed that sword should be enough to kill The Beast, but the fine print is that all that power used to achieve permanent midnight will be released upon death and will definitely kill anything in human range and possibly Angel too. He shrugs that off with a “so be it” reaction and gives his, “If I die, soldier on!” speech to the troops. It’s in the spirit of, “If nothing we do matters, then all that matters is what we do,” but way less good.
Lor: Definitely less good than, “I’m standing on the mouth of hell, and it is gonna swallow me whole. And it’ll choke on me.”
Sweeney: Few things are. That line is fucking awesome.
He walks off, but Cordelia tries to stop him, because they just had cave make out times and it’s way not fair. He tells her that he promises he’ll come back, but first he’s got to fight The Beast, which, thankfully, is his cue to show up.
They start fighting and Angel orders everyone gone. Wesley has to drag Cordelia away. Angel fights The Beast. I like this actor’s voice. He goes on about how Angelus could have ruled the world with him, but Angel just wants to fight. The sword cuts him, but The Beast eventually gets hold of it and after, like, staring at it really intensely, manages to shatter it. Just as he’s about to finish Angel(us) off, Connor shows up and corrects that his name is Angel. More fighting. Father and son win the day. Connor jokes that he couldn’t let Angel take all the credit for saving the world.
I think Connor is growing on me by default. I hate everyone but Lorne so much right now, that Connor at least has the advantage of not being a beloved-character-I-now-loathe. His own bar was so low that I’m all, “Hey, you did a thing I didn’t hate! Good job.” On that note, pretty much any character who goes for the joke at any moment automatically endears me to them a little, given that this show is such a ridiculous pile of nonsense right now.
They stare at the pile of ashes and then Connor goes on to say that Angel was right about how harsh and painful this world is, but that Cordelia made it tolerable. He says that Cordelia loves Angel, though, and he knows that and is pretty graceful about it. Connor asks if this is what being a champion feels like, so SHOTS, EVERYBODY!
K: Thank God. It’s been a drinking free episode thus far.
Lor: Speak for yourself.
Sweeney: The Fang Gang’s spidey senses were tingling and they return, celebrating. We get more shots of the everyman, this time rejoicing as the sun returns.
Brooding Hotel. Cordelia says it must suck to be the one who brought back the sun while unable to go into it. (Except if you have a convertible, or a hat, or an umbrella, or, you know, reasons.) He doesn’t care because he’d rather be there with her. They kiss and the spinny cameraman and dramatic sexytimes orchestra swell. We get a senselessly long and mostly just uncomfortable sex scene. It’s not Cordelia/Connor level uncomfortable, but somewhere in the neighborhood of Riley/Buffy levels of chemistry.
Then, of course, he gets all happy and soul-losing. He rolls over, but then suddenly he’s waking up, because this was a dream. Not just a sex scene, but the whole fucking thing. This whole piece of shit episode was just a bad dream.
Lor:
Sweeney: YES. FUCK. I’m not sure why I feel cheated, because the episode wasn’t particularly good, but I feel cheated. Like my suffering was for nothing.
The Soul Whisperer says that the dream has become reality and Angelus laughs at my suffering for a really long time. End credits.
Sweeney: This whole season thus far could easily be confused with sloppy fanfic from pubescent writers.
Next time: Angelus and his snark are now in the picture. Fingers crossed that we get a better episode from Angel S04 E11 – Soulless.
Nicole is the co-captain of Snark Squad and these days she spends most of her time editing podcasts. She spends too much time on Twitter and very occasionally vlogs and blogs. In her day job she's a producer, editor, director, and sometimes host of educational YouTube channels. She loves travel, maps, panda gifs, and semicolons. Writing biographies stresses her out; she crowd sourced this one years ago and has been using a version of it ever since. She would like to thank Twitter for their help.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
I'm a 30-something librarian and I still live with my parents because I'm super broke. Leader of Team Heartless Cow. I have an inexplicable love for 90s television, eat too much chocolate, and read more than is good for me.
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