Previously: Spencer wasn’t dealing with her break-up very well and Emily discovers that Ali thought she was pregnant the summer she was killed.
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Dead to Me
Lorraine: At Rosewood’s One Coffee Shop For Girls Who Need to Learn About Sleeping In, the girls are sitting on the couch that they seem to always commandeer as Aria tells them that Ezra sent an, “I’m here” text but otherwise, hasn’t communicated with her. I guess he’s too busy meeting his child to text his child-girlfriend. Spencer is still acting all shifty and excuses herself to get a coffee refill, leaving the rest of the Liars to discuss whether or not Detective Wilden has already read the Biology Cluebook, meaning he knows what they know. Which is what we know and translates to, “three seasons of very, very little.” Something like that.
Sweeney: In the years of working on this blog, I’ve learned that a lot of people are making very good money by taking things they’ve already written (or that someone else already wrote) and basically throwing a thesaurus at the situation in order to come out with a “new” thing, for which they can be paid again. This is a brilliant arrangement and I just need to know how I go about acquiring one of these sweet, sweet gigs.
Lor: I think step one might involve compromising your dignity, but I’m not 100% sure.
Spencer gets a text from the Craigslist Detective asking to meet because he’s got information for her. New Jason enters the coffee shop, probably confident he’d find the Liars there, because he’s got some news. We cut to him telling all of the Liars that the police have released Ali’s remains back to the DiLaurentis family. They are going to rebury them and have a family only service, but Jason’s arranged for the girls to have some time at the cemetery afterwards. The things the Liars put in the casket the first time around are still missing and when the police find those items, they’ll probably find the person who dug up Ali’s grave, because no one has ever planted evidence in Rosewood ever.
Jason says he’ll let them know more about Ali’s Burial 2.0 later. Spencer snaps and says she’s definitely not in and has said all the goodbyes she’s going to say.
Sweeney: It’s bad when Aria’s got to be the tactful one who acknowledges the feelings of others.
Lor: SSSSHHHHHHHHH.
Rosewood High for Grave Robbers. Hanna says that she and Aria are the only two with items from Ali’s grave so they should probably chuck that evidence ASAP. Aria’s all, “are you sure girl? Because every time we do something like this it goes wrong.” Aria says they can talk about the incriminating evidence they have in their possession later because after school she’s going to Ezra’s Pedo-partment to water the plants and stuff like that. Hanna smiles and doesn’t, in fact, deck her in the face for stupidity. Or because she’s wearing a space suit looking jacket, kitten shirt and gold paisley printed pants.
Hallways. Mona approaches Spencer and seriously, Spencer looks like she’s going to murder someone with her red rimmed eyes. SCARY. Mona blathers about an upcoming decathalon event and ends by saying that Spencer has been off her “a-game.” Spencer says this isn’t a game to her at all, and Mona evils that it’d be a shame for Toby to drive all the way to the event and be left cheering for her.
Caleb is making sweet use of an empty classroom, texting and brooding. Hanna finds him and he explains that the aunt who put him in foster care is moving to Brisbane, and is tearing down the house Caleb grew up in. Hanna asks if he’s planning on going back, to see it again and see if there is anything he wants from it. Caleb says no in a manner that says he’s having too many emotions for his wolfy bad boyness to effectively deal with.
Aria is at the Pedo-partment just lying in Ezra’s bed and I laugh forever instead of feeling bad for her.
Sweeney: And ruin his peace and quiet and solitude and stuff. That’s some next level niceness. I’m not sure I condone it.
Lor: Some people would say there’s no such thing as too nice, but I’m not one of those people.
Spencer and the Craigslist Detective meet in an alley. He was tracking Toby’s credit card (on which he bought $65 worth of hydrangeas) and then three days ago he switched to using all cash. Craigslist Detective also narrowed the A key down to belonging to series of buildings but wants more money to find out which door it belongs to. He then says some nonsensical shit about how he’s followed lots of scumbags but none of them have ever bought hydrangeas before skipping town. Cool.
Emily goes to the police station and looks way, way too shocked when her mom, who works there, is all, “Oh hey, Emily! What are you doing here?” Emily says she stopped by to see if they can grab dinner. While Mama Fields is distracted, she looks back over to the cork board; the picture of Detective Wilden at Camp May is missing. Mama Fields finishes gathering her stuff and sees a postcard of Paris amongst her things. Emily reacts quickly and grabs it away, claiming that it’s hers. It is, of course, a message from A written in French.
FRENCH SKILLS ARE HAUNTING YOU, SWEENEY.
Sweeney:
Lor: Emily visits Spencer and pretty much acknowledges that Spencer is way into eye-murdering at the moment, but still, she needs help. The Eifel Tower postcard is what she put into the casket, along with 24 other postcards. She’s super worried about all those chances for planting evidence. Em thinks she knows what the postcard says, but Spencer corrects her.
Montgomery Manse. Hanna and Aria are talking about Wesley. Aria’s big objection to him is that he’s way too comfortable having money. Hanna has to run off because she’s making Caleb dinner. Turns out she convinced him to go visit his aunt’s house after all. Hanna asks Aria for the earrings she had that were in Ali’s grave and Aria says she isn’t ready to give them up, and hanging onto incriminating evidence is her prerogative.
Sweeney: Except for the part where Rosewood’s insane legal system treats the girls as a single unit, thereby meaning that one girl’s stupidity (usually Aria’s) affects the whole group.
Lor: Emily is with Señora Therapy. I’m the only one who used that nickname and I remember that nickname, but not her real name. Emily is there because she’s really struggling with having killed Not Your Cousin Nate, no matter how much everyone tells her it was self defense and she’s a hero. She clearly remembers killing him and what it felt like. Señora Therapy (Dr. Sullivan!) suggests hypnotherapy to reframe her memories. Emily is in.
Hastings House. Spencer is doing some A+ Brooding, because she’s Spencer Hastings and she overachieves in everything.
Inspired, she calls the Craigslist Detective and asks his price to finish the job. She agrees to the $500 cash terms.
Hanna and Caleb are at his aunt’s place rummaging through the old stuff. Hanna tries to play nice with Caleb’s uncle and get him to feel his wolfy bad boy feelings, but he just wants to get out of there as soon as possible.
Spencer is withdrawing some money from an ATM and Jason comes up and comments on what a decent chunk of change she’s withdrawing which is not actually a line you should use if you ever see someone you know withdrawing money. (S: SRSLY. Mind your own business there, Jason.) Jason says the other Liars will be at the cemetery at 7pm. Spencer walks away from him, but Jason follows, asking what her problem is. Alison was her best friend. Spencer levels a, “bitch please,” glare at him. He says she should say whatever she has to say, but she doesn’t want to have this fight. “I’ll win and it won’t feel good for either of us.”
Wolfy Bad Boy’s Barn of Childhood Trauma. Caleb is about to THROW AWAY BOOKS. Hanna stops him and says they can donate then, so he just walks away to go not have feelings elsewhere. Uncle Wolfy makes small talk with Hanna, then asks if Caleb treats her right. She smiles and says he does. That seems to be the end of the conversation for Uncle Wolfy, but she walks with him and asks if he’s ever heard from Caleb’s father. She asks questions that make Uncle Wolfy uncomfortable, about Caleb’s parents, if they ever loved each other and why Papa Wolfy ever left his family. It’s all kind of boring so I hope it’s not actually relevant later or ever. (S: I hate when boring stuff was actually important. Fortunately no facts are ever important for more than an episode or two.)
Moving on.
Aria visits the Pedopartment and Wesley is there using the old typewriter. The phone rings and Wesley runs to get it before Aria can. He looks all shifty and nervous when he answers, but all we hear is dead air and then a dial tone. Shaken, Wesley suggest they go grab some fresh air and something to eat.
Emily is doing her hypnotherapy. Señora Therapy is trying to lead her through her memories of the night she killed Not Your Cousin Nate, but we see that Emily is actually walking through a memory (or “memory”) of Alison right before her death. Emily is the one holding the murder weapon, a shovel. Real Emily is panicking and asking to wake up. Memory Emily shovels Alison’s head in. Emily breaks out of the hypnosis and she’s got water spritzed all over her face. (“Sweat.”) Señora Therapy still thinks she saw something about Nate, and Emily just runs out of the office.
Wolfy Bad Boy’s Barn of Childhood Trauma. They are all done going through the stuff and Caleb gives Uncle Wolfy a short goodbye. Hanna thanks him for everything. He gives her a baby picture of Caleb he found and asks her to hold onto it until Caleb is in a better mood. She says goodbye again and gives everything and everyone long, meaningful looks.
Emily runs into her room and throws her cellphone down when she can’t reach Hanna. She rifles through her bag and pulls out the Eifel Tower postcard. It sends her into an AliBack in which they are sitting unsupervised in a classroom. Emily says they are supposed to be studying, but Ali is messing around with a bunch of postcards. She daydreams out loud about her and Emily in France.
The Craigslist Detective collects his money from Spencer and tells her where the A key leads. Craigslist Detective [CD] asks what she’s hoping to find behind the door. Spencer asks if CD has ever played the “he loves me, he love me not,” game. This is kind of like that, but with a room and evidence of stalking and not like that at all. So, basically, Spencer might open the door and see stuff that means Toby loves her and she wasn’t wrong about their relationship. If the opposite is true, the CD says she needs to let Toby go.
In town, Wesley has just finished a story about Ezra teaching him to drive when he was 12. That is oddly fitting for a man dating a 16/17 year old. Waiting for the appropriate age: Ezra is not good at it. A man stalks up to Wesley, threatening to physically hurt him since his mother “fixed the board,” but couldn’t buy him off. As the disgruntled man gets closer, Wesley whacks him over the head with the box that’s in his hands. He grabs Aria and they take off running. Aria stops him after they round the corner and asks who the disgruntled man was. “My physics teacher’s husband,” Wesley says. Oh no. Oooooh nooooo. Aria asks what kind of school he goes to. Really, girl?
Sweeney: ENDLESS LAUGHTER, ARIA.
Lor: Back at the Pedo-partment, Wesley basically explains that he was super sad when Ezra left and he wants out of his life too. His grand plan was to get thrown out of prep school, but of course, his mother just threw money at all his rule breaking. He finally pulled out the big guns and “hit on” his physics teacher. Which left him on academic suspension and also the target of an angry husband. I’m not entirely sure what the hell this means, or what Wesley means by “hit on” but I agree with Aria when she calls this the stupidest thing she’s ever heard. Except her delivery was missing a few !!!!!!! and @#!!s. Somehow this leads Wesley to be all, “Ezra ran away and he found you sitting in his high school English class making you the most amazing part of his story.” Something like that and this whole scene is THE WORST.
Marin Manor. Hanna asks Caleb not to get angry if she shows him something and whips out the baby picture. Hanna has used her detecting the shit of things skills (that are never present for like finding murderers or life stalkers) to deduce that this picture actually came from Uncle Wolfy’s wallet and he is the man holding Baby Caleb in the picture. Caleb says he doesn’t believe it and walks away all, “DAMMIT, I REFUSE TO HAVE THESE FEELINGS.”
Señora Therapy is leaving for the day and finds Mona waiting outside her office, holding an orchid as a thank you/office warming gift. Mona points out a good place for the plant, but Señora Therapy says she’s actually leaving town for a few days, so she’s taking it with her. Mona smiles a lot and thanks her again.
Spencer finds the door that belongs to the A key. And of course the room is empty because she found that key ages ago and Toby knew she had it. She cries and I’m not sure this empty room is supposed to hint at something else other than an empty room.
Sweeney: It looks like an abandoned A-HQ, I think.
Lor: Yeah, true. No hard evidence but enough to jump to that conclusion, especially for Spence.
Cemetery. Hanna asks if they should wait for Spencer, but Jason is sure she isn’t coming. In the mausoleum, Aria reads the inscription on Ali’s plot:
Sweeney: Aria’s actually right (a piece of my soul just died) to note that Spencer’s being shitty to them, but I’m not entirely sure why keeping this secret about Ali was important to them. Telling Jason there was in bad taste, sure, but this scene confused me.
Lor: I don’t think they know why they are keep secrets anymore either. Seems to be the default setting.
Outside, Hanna wants to know how they are going to fix this. Aria is less concerned about Jason and more concerned with Spencer’s crazy eyes. Emily says #deep things about how much harder it is to doubt yourself than to doubt someone you are with. Sprinklers go off in the background and jog Emily’s memory. In flashback, we see that she was earlier confusing two memories. The sprinklers and the shovel portions where from the night Emily was drunkenly planted in front of Alison’s dug up grave. In the memory, an A member jumps into the grave and starts prying the casket open. Emily screams so A jumps out and restrains her. Emily sees Red Coat watching for a second before rushing off.
Out of the flashback, Hanna asks if maybe it was Alison in the red coat. Aria dismisses that as ridiculous. Emily is sure it was a blonde girl, though, and says Red Coat was in charge. I’m not sure how she deduced that from what we saw, but okay Em!
Inside the mausoleum, Spencer finds Marion Cavanaugh’s grave, Toby’s mom, and uses the A Key to scratch Toby’s name onto the marker. LIKE A DICK. What a weird thing to do, Spencer. Stop it girl. Get some sleep. (S: NAPS SAVE THE DAY.)
A-nonymous: In a store, an employee named Kyle pulls a bottle of whiskey down and places in front of A. An off-screen voice calls, “hey Dave!” and, um, we saw his name tag. It said Kyle. Anyway, the voice tells KyleDave to check the ID while he loads the rest of the order on the loading dock. A opens his/her wallet and starts to pull out an ID but the episode ends there.
Next time: Emily searches for evidence to put Ali and Wilden together and she’ll probably lose it if she finds it in Pretty Little Liars S03 E19 – What Becomes of the Broken Hearted.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
Nicole is the co-captain of Snark Squad and these days she spends most of her time editing podcasts. She spends too much time on Twitter and very occasionally vlogs and blogs. In her day job she's a producer, editor, director, and sometimes host of educational YouTube channels. She loves travel, maps, panda gifs, and semicolons. Writing biographies stresses her out; she crowd sourced this one years ago and has been using a version of it ever since. She would like to thank Twitter for their help.
I'm a 30-something with three kids who spends an embarrassing amount of time watching teen television dramas. There's a whole lot of Internet out there, and I plan on reading all of it before I die.
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