Previously: The girls went back in time and the whole thing made very little sense.
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When Bad Warlocks Turn Good
Marines: CRAZY MONTH HAS BEEN CRAZY. But short recap is short, so short apology: sorry. I’m going to get some help with these posts but first, I have to make it out of season 1. Here we go:
We start at a church where a man is telling a priest that he’s hearing voices in his head telling him he’s a fraud who can’t fool God. The Priest tries to comfort him, but Brendan has got an evil family and thinks evil is in his blood. Evil strolls up into the church in the form of two family members. They say they’ll be waiting outside for him, so I hope this church has a back door, or something.
Outside, the 3Ps are cleaning up after handing out some food to the needy. Prue says next time Piper better call some men to lift the heavy things. Speaking of boys! Phoebe and Prue pick on Piper for her new love interest, Josh. Piper says she’s too busy to date and her instincts are telling her to lay low. A group of nuns pass by and Piper jokes that they have the right idea. She turns to her left and finds a pen. She asks whose it is. Prue is all, “oh yeah! That pen belongs to Brendan, the cute guy in the teaser, see?” We see, Prue. Piper sends Phoebe TO RETURN THE PEN and when Phoebe grabs it, she gets a vision. THE INTRODUCTION TO THIS WEEK’S CASE COMES BY WAY OF MISPLACED PEN.
Phoebe tells her sisters that Brendan was in her vision being attacked by warlocks. The girls decide that being the power of 3 and all, they should split up.
Inside the church, Brendan’s brothers got tired of waiting outside and find him praying. One of them warlocks out (?) and in a demonic voice, tells Brendan they aren’t leaving without him. Warlock Face slaps Brendan and is about to do worse when Prue shows up. She squints him away and calls for her sisters. Warlock Face grabs the other brother and they run. Brendan thanks Prue for her help and also runs away. Prue runs after him and Piper and Phoebe are left to gawk us into the credits.
I AM THE SAHN.
Moody music, establishing shots. Did you miss them? Warlock Face is brooding about how they should’ve kept a closer eye on Brendan while the third brother watches a chameleon in a tank. Warlock Face is annoyed by the lizard and goes to slap the tank, but Lizard Lover stops him with magics. He tells Warlock Face to stay away from his pet and takes back his magic, gooey force field, all in time for a round of speed exposition: the brothers need Brendan to complete their triangle of power, but he needs to kill an innocent to be initiated. Brendan is being ordained, though, and then can never be a warlock. If that happens, Warlock Face says they’ll have to kill him.
Halliwell Manor. Josh calls and Phoebe picks up. Piper whispers that she’ll call him back, so naturally, Phoebe’s all, “she’s right here!”
Piper grabs the phone and is short with Josh, saying she’s going to shave her hands every night for the rest of forever. After she hangs up, she makes angry noises at Phoebe. Piper changes the subject to Brendan, because they’ve apparently waited until the next morning to discuss the fact that Prue never found him.
Prue goes to the church to investigate further. Father Austin is real upset about the destruction of his church. Prue tells him about the two men who tried to hurt Brendan and the priest admits that Brendan always knew this would happen. He doesn’t elaborate much more than that. Prue asks if he knows where to find Brendan. She can help, but she can’t say how, so he’s going to have to trust her.
Qua ke. Piper is working and Phoebe is hanging out at the bar, being funemployed. She stares at Piper weirdly and says it’s because she’s super worried about the fact that Piper has chosen not to have a man in her life. What even is life without a man? Plus, she’s working a lot and joking about convents so the situation is dire.
Josh, he of Not Taking a Freakin’ Hint shows up, and clearly Phoebe had something to do with it. He asks if Piper wants to get hot and sweaty with him, because he’s off to the gym and wants her to join him. Worst date ever.
Piper is annoyed that Phoebe took this liberty but not annoyed enough; I’d throat punch her. Phoebe insists and insists and Piper gives in just to make Phoebe shut up. Josh mouths thank you to Phoebe. Have we seen this guy before? Because he just looked real familiar and it’s clearly from Days of Our Lives and I feel like this already happened to me.
Anyway, Brendan is on a farm with horses and kids being a Good Guy. The little girl he’s talking to freaks out because a huge spider is on her jean overalls. Brendan coaches her through calming down and holding the spider because all life is precious to God. LOL. NO.
Brendan sends the little girl along so he can talk to Prue. He assures Prue that he won’t tell anyone about her powers. She tries to pry about the warlocks that attacked him, but he rides away on a horse. And then Prue asks a random man if she can borrow his horse and he’s all, “SURE!” And then Prue follows after him. On a horse.
Shots of Prue chasing Brendan. On a horse.
I guess Brendan is feeling more relaxed now, so they slow down and start talking. Prue says he appears too good to be true with the church and horses and spider wrangling. Brendan still isn’t very forthcoming about who he is or why those warlocks were after them, so maybe they should race again.
We cut to Piper rock climbing and clearly not enjoying it much. She falls and Josh catches her.
Josh gives her awkward turtle face so Piper freezes time. She calls Phoebe and we see that she’s not doing well babysitting Qua ke. There is a huge leak in the kitchen and Phoebe it putzing around in there while Piper tells her that she shared “the look” with Josh. Piper hears the water running and Phoebe tries to casually ask about the water shut-off valve. Piper hangs up, unfreezes time and tells Josh she has to go. She gives him a kiss on the cheek and thanks him for a nice time.
Church. We hear a demonic roar and inside, Brendan is over Father Austin’s bloody body. Prue runs in and Brendan takes off. Prue tells two nuns to call 9-1-1 and runs after Brendan. Again. Outside, Prue trips him with her telekinesis and he explains that he found the father all bloody. He just went all demon-faced because he was sad. He begs Prue to let him explain and he probably could’ve done that one bloody priest and a horse chase scene ago.
EMTs roll Father Austin out of the church as Morris tells Andy that they’ve got an eye witness. A nun saw Brendan running from the scene of the crime. Andy is having a lot of feels because Father Austin is his priest. He wants to catch the bad guy extra hard now.
Qua ke. Piper pays the repairman and tells Phoebe that she should’ve called. Phoebe says she knows, but also, how was that date??!!! Piper says it was good, unfortunately. She tries to explain that she’s had a rotten string a luck with guys and wanted a time out. The Feels Music starts up and Phoebe apologizes, saying that if she had know that Piper wanted to take a dating hiatus, she wouldn’t have pushed so hard.
UM, WHAT? WHAT A TIRESOME CHARACTER. Phoebe, you dumb hippo, Piper said she wanted to lay low and didn’t want to date this guy. LEARN WORDS. UNDERSTAND THEM.
Again, I’m more annoyed than Piper, who ends up thanking Phoebe. For stuff and things.
Prue walks with Brendan as he explains that Warlock Face and Lizard Lover are his half brothers; he had a human mother. The Rowe brothers were basically supposed to become the evil Charmed Ones, but Brendan went into hiding. Prue says he can fight his brothers. Brendan thinks he has to kill his brothers and says that the P’s will have to kill him.
Lizard Lover tells Warlock Face that everything is ready. Warlock Face then makes a lot of awkward breathing sounds as he says he can feel his brother coming and he’s reaching out to him for completion.
Brendan arrives and announces his plans to kill them. Warlock Face gives him the dagger to do it and the fight starts. Warlock Face is all, “yeah! Feel the need to kill!” and other awkward stuff. Plus, he’s already set up bunch of candles and a woman tied up on a table.
Piper and Phoebe arrive and tell Prue they got there as quick as they could, with not time to stop and retrieve the Book of Shadows. There is time to stop and exposit as Prue explains, with more words than necessary, that Brandon is a good warlock.
Back in whatever building this is, Brendan has the dagger poised above the Innocent Lady’s heart. The 3Ps run in just then and in a questionable decision, Prue decides to telekinesis the woman free of her bonds instead of telekinesising the dagger far, far away. Lizard Lover pushes the witches away with his gooey force field. Warlock Face starts after them, but Lover says they can’t take them on without Brendan.
Prue helps Brendan up. Piper and Phoebe rush to help the Innocent, but Prue tells them not to take off her blindfold so she won’t be able to identify them. Phoebe says, “PRUE!” very loudly, though, because she’s dumb.
Later, the Detectives are on the scene. Andy is questioning the Innocent who tells him Brendan was going to kill her right up until some women stopped him. One of them was named Prue. Andy gets, “PRUE, DAMMIT!” face.
AKA, “DAMMIT PRUE.”
Morris asks where Andy’s going and says he’s going to get to the bottom of this, once and for all. Which is pretty much his job description and not very telling.
Halliwell Manor. Prue sets Brendan up in her room as he recaps everything we just saw two damn scenes ago. Prue gives Brendan a You’re A Good Guy pep-talk. They discuss him becoming a priest and then kiss.
Downstairs, Prue is arguing with her sisters about whether or not they should be harboring a warlock. Prue’s all, “hey Piper? Remember that one time you turned into a wendigo?” There’s a point to that, but I just like it when we remember that Piper was turned into a wendigo. Anyway, Prue somewhat convinces them to go with her plan.
The doorbell rings and Prue answers only to find Andy. He charges in and says he’ll forget Prue was at a scene of a crime (again) if she’ll give up Brandon. Prue gives him nothing so he turns to Piper. She says they aren’t hiding any criminals at the manor. He doesn’t even ask Phoebe, because he knows what’s up. He storms out and leaves the door open for dramatic effect.
Church. Warlock Face and Lizard Lover are chanting and at the Manor, Brendan tosses and turns in his sleep. He jolts awake and there is a spider next to the bed. He smushes it with his hand. FIRST YOU KISS A GIRL AND NOW A SPIDER? YOU MONSTER.
Morning. Brandon shows up at the church and tells his brothers he’s ready to be bad. Lizard Lover again explains that he needs to kill an Innocent, but Warlock Face is all, “no. We only have 10 minutes of episode left so now you have to kill Prue because of reasons.”
Manor again. The girls discover that Brendan is gone. Phoebe shares that the Book of Shadows had nothing good to say about the Rowe coven and didn’t list any way to defeat them. Thanks for nothing, Book of Shadows.
And at the church again, Prue says she needs a minute alone with Brendan. She finds him being real creepy and waving his dagger around so she understands that his brothers got to him. She telekinesises him into a dresser and her sisters rush in. She tells them to hold off and yells at Brandon to fight it. Prue gives Brendan another You’re A Good Guy Pep Talk and it works. He puts his warlock face away.
The P’s rush Brendan off to go get made a priest, but his brothers are waiting downstairs. The P’s try to use their powers against them but are easily, easily deflected. The “power of 3” is a farce. Warlock Face gets ready to kill Brendan, but Lizard Lover stands between them. He’s still standing right there when Warlock Face hurls the dagger “at” Brendan, but clearly nails Lizard Lover instead. He’s pissed, takes the dagger out, and hurls it back at Warlock Face. So the two villains in this episode just killed each other while the Charmed Ones stood idly by.
The warlock bodies disappear. It’s time to go get made a priest but not before Brendan and Prue kiss again.
Priest Making Montage. Prue cries and Phoebe comforts her by saying that she really just lost a guy to “the big guy.”
Qua ke. Prue’s at the bar when Andy arrives to kind of apologize and say that Father Austin is doing fine. He told Andy that it was Brendan’s brothers who attacked him. Prue says she doesn’t know where they are, but that Andy probably won’t find them.
Once Andy leaves, Prue joins her sisters at a table. Prue wonders how Andy knew to find her there and even Phoebe is all, “really? We only have 2.5 sets.” Really, she says they always go to Qua ke after they vanquish warlocks.
Piper spots Josh and admits that she called him because it’s time for her to work through her fears of picking wrong guys, or whatever. She heads off with him to have a date at her place of employment and Prue and Phoebe are left to cheers the fact that Piper isn’t a nun.
Mazel tov.
Next time on Charmed: There’s a kidnapping and something called Grimlocks in S01 E19 – Out of Sight.
Nicole is the co-captain of Snark Squad and these days she spends most of her time editing podcasts. She spends too much time on Twitter and very occasionally vlogs and blogs. In her day job she's a producer, editor, director, and sometimes host of educational YouTube channels. She loves travel, maps, panda gifs, and semicolons. Writing biographies stresses her out; she crowd sourced this one years ago and has been using a version of it ever since. She would like to thank Twitter for their help.
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