How to Get Away with Murder S01 E03 – Pretend lawyers

Previously: Viola Davis went to her boyfriend Detective Abs to try and see if her husband is a killer.
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Smile or Go to Jail

Marines: We start at the Improbable Bonfire again and I’ll admit that I cheered a little. I don’t know what it is about that bonfire. Maybe it represents the few seconds during the beginning where I still understand 100% of what’s happening. Namely: FIRE. BIG FIRE.

Democracy Diva: It always just makes me think, FIRE BAD. TREE PRETTY.

Mari: Best thing to come out of that episode.

We zoom, zoom, zoom to 12 Grimmauld Place. Sam Keating (Viola Davis’s husband) is all murdered on the floor and Laurel (I think. It’s hard to tell in the murder lighting) is just looking at his body. Rebecca is there too and I Guess We Stopped Calling Him Dean Thomas Last Week wraps her up in a blanket. (D: File that under “shit I totally missed.” Damn murder lighting.) Connor comes in and we see that Michaela is crouched in a corner, looking pretty darn traumatized. Connor starts yelling at her but it’s all a little warped from her perception. Laurel comes over and speaks to Michaela more gently, but we hear Connor say that her perfect brain just can’t handle this. (S: Unlike these lunatics, who totally can handle being implicated in a murder. Cool.) She cries and cries and we cut to the past where she’s having sex.

Post-coitally, Mr. Michaela makes jokes about quitting his job and being a stay at home dad. Michaela shuts that down because they both need to be important people, or whatever. Speaking of, her phone chimes and she gets up because it’s Viola Davis. Mr. Michaela offers to walk her to the office and she scoffs but he says, “students are getting murdered out there.” This is not a joke, Mr. Michaela, so I hope that wasn’t sarcastic. Students ARE getting murdered out there. The buddy system is best.

Dean Thomas Wes goes to the police station where he’s scheduled to have a super convenient flashback. As he’s intensely staring at someone else’s newspaper (headline = Rebecca and dead girl’s boyfriend are charged with murder) we flashback to Wes seeing Dead Girl’s Boyfriend leaving Rebecca’s apartment, Rebecca being arrested, and Wes finding her cell phone hidden under his bathroom counter.

That all done, Wes walks right up to the reception desk and asks to see Rebecca. The cop tells him to piss off if he’s the press and show ID if he’s a lawyer. Wes starts to retreat but sees that Dead Girl’s Boyfriend is being released because he’s got a shiny, shiny lawyer, wearing a suit and not a law student wearing plaid and a messenger bag. SORRY WES.

Diva: Come on, Wes. Dress for the job you want, not the fake job you currently have because this show doesn’t understand how law school works.

Mari: Middleton University. The president is saying that they don’t know much about the female suspect but aren’t really concerned anyways, probably because when you have a vagina you are so much worse at college sports. Also, this man is John Getz who is a total “THAT GUY” because he’s been in a little bit of everything. President That Guy says that he speaks for the administration when he says they stand behind Griffin O’Reilly (Dead Girl’s Boyfriend). The Coach (you can tell by his sports jacket) says that Griffin is a Good Guy and thankfully made bail. (S: Two things which are obviously related because only Good Guys make bail!) President That Guy says he can’t officially take a position and Viola cuts through the crap and says the murdered girl’s family donates tons of money to the university so they can’t defend her maybe-murderer. On the other hand, it won’t look good to have the star quarterback convicted of murder.

Sweeney: It’s probably a safe bet that regardless of how the case turns out, the murdered girl’s family is going to be a little less jazzed about donating lots of money to the place where their daughter got murdered. Just a guess.

Mari: A good one! Every considered a career in pretending to be a lawyer?

President That Guy says they they’ve given Viola Davis lots of money, let her treat her first year law students like actual lawyers and given her all kinds of freedom. Viola says that she brings students in as a result. President knows that, but still, they’ve never asked anything of her. Now, they want her to represent Griffin. Viola says she’ll think about it and promptly leaves.

Outside, she’s a little less composed as she calls Detective Abs. He tells her not to call him, but still picked up the phone, though. (S: Total rookie mistake. Getting People Not To Call You 101 stuff right there.) She breathily explains that she’s been asked to represent Griffin. She can’t give them an answer until she knows if her husband killed Dead Girl. Detective Abs is in New Haven checking out Sam Keating’s alibi. He’ll call back when he has info.

Detective Abs approaches a bookish looking girl and asks if she’s Natalie from the Yale psychology department. See, she scheduled a lecture featuring Dr. Keating and he’d like a video of the lecture. Natalie says there isn’t any because Dr. Keating never showed.

MURDER CHALKBOARD.

12 Grimmauld Place. I guess since we see the name Annalise Keating out in front, I’ll stop calling her Viola Davis now. (S: Slowly but surely, The Snark Squad accepts character names. Begrudgingly.) (D: I’m still pro-calling-Paris-Geller-Paris-Geller-forever, though.) (M: I’m certainly not calling her “Bonnie Winterbottom.) Annalise exits the house/law office/headquarters for the Order of the Phoenix and finds Michaela making out with Mr. Michaela on the porch. She introduces him as her fiance, Aiden, and of course adds that he works for the mayor of New York. Annalise gives him dead eye, tells Michaela not to be late again and walks away.

The rest of Dumbledore’s Army exit and they are a little more friendly to Aiden. There are more introductions, except Connor already knows him because they went to boarding school together. Connor stage whispers to Michaela that they have more in common than he thought and she looks very concerned.

Police Station. All of Dumbledore’s Army is with Annalise, and Wes looks back at that reception window, longingly. He asks Connor if his IT guy can maybe unlock a phone. He makes up a lame excuse about why he would need this service.

Cut to Annalise at the desk, asking for a client of hers. The officer is all, “oh yeah, sex in a park lady.” Asher is surprised that they are just dealing with a hooker in a park. Paris Geller and her fantastic lipstick turn to him and explain that Sex in the Park is a friend of a friend. Not every case is a serial killer. To be like Prof. Keating one day, you build a client base from the ground up. She finishes with, “so shut up and learn.”

Sweeney: She continues to be flawless, which is why we must continue to refer to her as Paris Geller, because she’s way too awesome for a name like “Bonnie Winterbottom.”

Diva: First of all, YES. Second, Paris seems to be the only person concerned with actually giving Dumbledore’s Army good legal practitioner advice. But only so that they’ll stop fucking everything up for her. It’s just the best.

Mari: From Annaliese, we’re learning how to sign papers, because that’s all we see her do. Sex in the Park is released and she’s got mom jeans and a collared shirt on, so we get the visual clues that she couldn’t possibly be a hooker. Walsh says as much as well, in case the collared shirt was too subtle. Mrs. Murphy (Sex in the Park) thanks Annalise profusely. Annalise says that the charges have been dropped and no one will ever know about this.

Outside, they are surrounded by three black SUVs. A female FBI agents jumps out of one and says that Elena Aguilar is under arrest. Her name is not really Whatever Murphy, but in fact Elena and she’s a fugitive wanted for the 1994 bombing of the World Financial Institute. The FBI agent hands some papers over to Annalise, and maybe every case is about murder, Paris Geller!

Commercial Break. Catelyn Stark is on an ABC show. This show also has Samaire Armstrong on it! But it’s called “Resurrection,” so IDK. (S: It’s always really sad when actors I like get put on stupid shows. My loyalties are confused because on the one, “I like you, actor!” but on the other, “I like myself!”)

In case we forgot stuff over the break, Walsh recaps: hooker mom turned out to be bomb mom. Laurel shushes him because her kids are nearby. Connor takes this opportunity to say it must make Micahela wonder what secrets Aiden is keeping from her.

Inside a sort of interrogation room, Paris Geller is on exposition duty: There were 5 people from an anti-globalization group involved in a bombing in 1994. Two served time, one passed away, the leader is still in jail and Elena Aguilar disappeared after posting bail. Bomb Mom was identified as Elena because they took her fingerprints after they arrested her for giving “manual pleasure to a stranger in a park.” (D: I hope that’s actually the charge listed in her record, because that’s just hilarious.) They found her print on a fragment of the bomb that killed a janitor. Bomb Mom sadly says that the bomb was supposed to go off when no one was around. Annalise says the government will offer a plea deal- 10 years. Bomb Mom thinks they should take it because it isn’t that long of a time. Annalise is all, “LOL. Yes it is.” She thinks she can win this case.

12 Grimmauld Place. As they walk in, Connor says that there is no way they can win this and Annalise takes his Murder Weapon Trophy away. BECAUSE HE DOESN’T BELIEVE IN HER. (Or whatever.) (Don’t worry, dude. It’s a blessing in disguise. No one wants to own murder weapons.)

Sweeney: This is going to be some very Pretty Little Liars-esque clue-dispensing, wherein the Magic Trophy of Disregarding Basic Tenets of Academia and Fairness and Shit changes hands to keep us guessing who it will end up with. This information will almost certainly prove irrelevant to the question of who actually does the murdering, but the show will certainly Toby Edit someone for a hot minute or two. In other words, yeah, get rid of it. Spare yourself that edit – I hear the guy who stalks you with an Ominous Music Boombox is a real dick.

Diva: He’s like Lloyd Dobler, but instead of Peter Gabriel, his box just plays creepiness.

Mari: A+ to all of this.

Cut to class. Viola Davis draws on the chalk board dramatically, so have a shot! The case is United States v. Hearst. She asks her class for the details and selects Wes: Patty Hearst, heiress to the Hearst corporation was charged with armed bank robbery. The defense argued that she was brainwashed and under duress and that didn’t work, because apparently you can’t be both.

Cut to Bomb Mom’s trial. The guy testifying says their movement was Occupy before there was Occupy. He says that Bomb Mom was definitely part of their movement.

Class. Prof. Keating asks what the first key to a mind control defense is. Hands raised. She picks Laurel and she says it’s establishing a brainwasher, someone you can pin the crime on.

Trial. She asks the witness if he ever felt persuaded by the movement’s leader Gabriel Shaw. Witness says that Gabriel was very persuasive, but they never did anything they didn’t want to do. Keating says he did once keep food from the group for seven straight days. Witness says that was voluntary fasting, but Keating calls it food deprivation, a powerful tool in mind control. Also a good way to make people hangry. I’m just saying. (S: Those Snickers commercials only show you a few hours of hanger – I imagine that after 7 days it’s just a hop, skip, and a leap to BOMBS.)

Class. And once a ring leader has been identified? Hands raised. She calls on Michaela and if I were in this class I would be PISSED. PICK ME, DAMMIT. THERE ARE OTHER STUDENTS HERE. Michaela says that they have to establish that the idea for the act belonged to the ringleader alone. Michaela gives Connor a little look because she said the right thing na-nee-boo-boo.

Trial. Keating is questioning a female witness and asks if Gabriel ever asked for any opinions on the plan or consulted anyone. Female Witness says no, but does say she thinks Elena should go to jail. They all served time, why shouldn’t she? Keating yells for a motion to strike.

12 Grimmauld Place. Annalise is taking shots. She asks Frank where they are with finding Gabriel but he’s hidden within the prison system. He starts to add an idea for a motion to do something or other but Annalise cuts him off and says to leave the lawyering to actual lawyers. HILARIOUS COMING FROM YOU, MADAME. But also, Frank isn’t a lawyer? (D: No, he’s too busy being a doctor. And a god.) Asher volunteers to help Frank with his search for Gabriel.

We cut to him, apparently on the very same day, having found the information they need: Gabriel Shaw was recently hospitalized in the Allentown Federal Prison just one day after the ADA interviewed him about this case. They are faking him sick so that the jury won’t hear whatever he has to say.  Annalise is pleased and tells him to make room on his mantel for the Murder Weapon Trophy.

Annalise tells Bomb Mom that they are going to drive up to the prison in the morning to see Gabriel. Bomb Mom says she isn’t comfortable with that but Annalise doesn’t care about her comfort, on account of she’s on trial for murder.

Dumbledore’s Army is doing some lawyer-y stuff. Asher wonders what Frank is and why he’s around if he isn’t a lawyer. Connor says he’s eye candy and sometimes he can turn into a woman, so it’s equal opportunity. Connor says Aiden is also eye-candy. Not your most seamless transition, bro. Michaela says she never believed Frank was a lawyer because he has an accent. Laurel calls her out on being an elitist and the rest of the Army call Laurel out on her Frank crush.

Frank calls out for someone to answer the phone. It’s coming from Wes’s bag, but he didn’t notice it because it’s the phone Rebecca left in his bathroom. He answers it and the guy on the other line asks for Lila. We flash back to the missing posters and see that Lila is in fact Dead Girl. The caller hangs up and Wes stares at the phone like it’ll confess its own unlock code.

Sweeney: Many a crazy boyfriend/girlfriend has tried and failed that tactic, Wes.

Mari: After a commercial break, we’re in the future. Wes does his lying liar coin toss and announces that they are going back for the body. He yells at the rest of the Army to get moving but Michaela yells back that this makes no sense at all. She wants to know what they’ll do with the body. Wes suggests burning it, but Michaela says it isn’t that simple. They’d need an incinerator. Wes things they can at least burn it enough to get rid of their DNA. Connor says the Improbable Bonfire will cover their smoke too. And, hey! Maybe everyone will be too drunk to recognize the smell of burning flesh. As they all start yelling at each other, Laurel shouts for them to listen to her. The Improbable Bonfire can be their alibi.

We cut there where Dumbledore’s Army is now whooping and jumping around with the rest of them. They are also taking gratuitous selfies and videos. Michaela is the only one who looks kind of sad. Sad like she murdered someone, you know? Connor grabs her and tells her to freakin’ smile for the damn selfie. “Smile or got to jail.”

Diva: Science is not my department, but I’m pretty sure that fire is not going to be hot enough to turn that dead body entirely to ash. Eventually, someone will find the remnants of a body there, and these selfies will be proof that they were at the scene of the crime. You know, like the opposite of an alibi. Maybe this is not the most well-thought-out plan.

Mari: I guess that’s what happens when you think of these things out in a forest with a coin toss.

Michaela smiles the fakest smile and we flash between that, her engagement-ring-clad-hand gripping a bookshelf and then back to the past where she’s sitting in a prison visitation room with Paris Geller, Bomb Mom, and Prof. Keating. Gabriel Shaw comes in and he seems like a total creeper even as he’s saying that Bomb Mom looks great. She returns in kind. Oh, and a prison rape joke, because TV and prison. They hold hands and it gets real tender real quick. Gabriel says he’ll say whatever he has to on the stand to make sure Bomb Mom doesn’t go to jail. Annalise smiles.

On the way back, Bomb Mom starts laughing. She says she knows she shouldn’t be happy because someone died because of what they did. It’s just that they used to believe in something and she misses how that felt. That’s apparently the feeling she was trying to recreate by giving a hand job to a stranger in the park. (?) (S: She believes in hand jobs now!) Point is: she misses Gabriel even when she’s with her daughters or her husband. No one says anything to her, but Annalise’s eyes are full of tears.

At dinner later, the Keatings are joined by another couple. Annalise is totally checked out for a bit, but when she joins the conversation again, they are talking about how she told President That Guy that she’d get back to him. Sam says that she should be really sure before she takes the case since there will be a lot of press around it. She asks if he’s saying she shouldn’t take it. There is a bit of an awkward pause before he says he knows better than to give her career advice. Also, Sam tells them he didn’t get the job at Yale.

That night, Sam is asleep. Annalise’s hair is wrapped which makes me strangely happy. She picks up her phone and texts Detective Abs for information. He gets the text mid-investigation. He’s paying off a garage attendant to see if Sam had his car parked on the night Dead Girl Lila was murdered. It wasn’t. He left at 7pm and didn’t come back until 6am.

Paris Geller tells the gathered Dumbledore’s Army to pick up their mess because a potential new client is on the way.

It’s Griffin. He sits in front of them all and tells them that there was a party Lila didn’t show up to because she was pissed at him. The party people wanted coke to go with their excessive drinking, so Griffin called Rebecca. Annalise asks if Rebecca was his dealer. He clarifies that she was a friend of Lila’s he knew dealt. Lila knew all kinds of people. Rebecca showed up, they got high, and next thing he’s having sex with Rebecca. Him and Lila had never had sex because they’d taken a vow to wait until marriage. Lila walked in on them and did a lot of yelling and scratching. That’s why his DNA is under Lila’s fingernails. (After the water tank, really?) (S: That’s some serious fucking scratching.) After Lila ran out, he noticed Rebecca smiling. She’d set the whole thing up by texting Lila from his phone, mid-hook-up. Griffin looked everywhere for Lila but never found her. He swears he didn’t kill her.

Later, Wes is photoshopping his lawyer ID. He puts on a suit and goes back to the station, patiently waiting for a shift change. He flashes his fake ID and signs in. Rebecca is brought to a room where Wes is waiting. She decides to play along, but once they’re alone, hopes he isn’t actually her lawyer. He isn’t girl, BECAUSE HE ISN’T A LAWYER. (S: A FACT WHICH ONLY REBECCA SEEMS TO KNOW/ACKNOWLEDGE.) Wes tells her that he found Lila’s phone and we cut to another stupid commercial break.

Diva: Rant time: CARRYING YOURSELF OUT AS A LAWYER IS SO FUCKING NOT ALLOWED. It’s not just forbidden by the professional rules of the profession, which means they disbar you or forbid you from ever joining the bar if you do this, it’s also a felony in most states. It’s practically a central theme of law school that YOU CAN’T DO THIS EVER EVER EVER. In my school’s most recent show (a lot of schools annually write/perform a musical parody of law school), the central plot was Draco Malfoy trying to get Harry Potter kicked out of Hogwarts Law School for holding himself out as a lawyer. (No, I’m not kidding.)

Mari: I’m glad you weren’t kidding. That is amazing.

We join Wes and Rebecca again and he’s trying to convince her to talk to him, or else they are going to assign her some lame public defender who actually, I don’t know, is a lawyer. #LAME. Wes says he may be able to help but first he needs to know what’s on the phone. Rebecca yells for the guard and tells them he’s not really a lawyer, he’s a law student who’s stalking her. As he’s being dragged away, Wes yells that Griffin is going to pin the murder on her and that’s why he came there. Maybe he should’ve led with that information, though.

Sweeney: Knowing the proper order in which to present information is kind of an essential skill for your chosen profession, Wes.

Mari: Laurel asks if Paris needs anything else. She’s got a whole pile of work, but Laurel wonders if it can wait because there’s a law review party she wanted to go to. Frank jumps in and says that she should be able to go. Laurel smiles at him and leaves.

At the bar, there is a boy making a very impassioned speech about law review and being president one day. Laurel gets hit on by a guy named Kan.

Diva: For a show that gets so much of law school wrong, everything about this law review party scene is SO REAL. Drunk douchebags talking about how law review is the only thing that matters in the world? They are all too real. I cried for two days straight when I didn’t make law review, and it still has a big impact on the jobs I can apply for. I was really excited that Laurel was flirting with the one guy who does Legal Aid instead of law review, because that was similar to my law school path! TL;DR law review people are the worst/me and Kan are awesome.

Marines: At the same party, Connor and Mr. Michaela are chatting. Michaela asks if Connor can go elsewhere, since this is their last night together. Connor says sure, but not before saying there was a time he though he’d be the one wearing Aiden’s ring. Aiden tries to stop him from going there, but Connor says that they were 16 and locked away at an all boys school, so it wasn’t a big deal. Aiden looks embarrassed. Michaela looks pissed.

Frank of course shows up at the party, but only to see Laurel flirting with that other guy.

Sweeney: That’s what happens when you don’t listen to Paris Geller’s advice, Frank.

Mari: A little removed from the bar now, Michaela is yelling at Aiden for lying to her. He says he just didn’t tell her which is different than lying. Michaela isn’t have it, so he leaves.

Annalise comes to see Wes and kind of yells at him for not telling her that his next door neighbor is the other defendant in the case they are taking. Wes gets really whiny as he says that they can’t defend Griffin because he saw him fighting with Rebecca and also, he’s rich and Rebecca is poor. He doesn’t think this is fair and says it’s okay if she wants to fire him, but Rebecca needs her. Annalise says they have an actual client waiting for them in court, so it’s clear that absolutely nothing is going to happen to Wes for impersonating a lawyer.

Sweeney: Perks of being The Chosen One. Dumbledore can get you out of all kinds of shit.

Diva: Oh, so we’re just ignoring the fact that Wes was caught – by the police – impersonating a lawyer, and that he should have been kicked out of school by now? We’re just pretending that’s not a thing? Look, I get that people on this show break the law constantly without consequence. But that’s because most of them DON’T GET CAUGHT. Shonda, you can’t fucking show me Wes getting CAUGHT doing this and then expect me to believe that there were no repercussions whatsoever. I refuse.

Marines: Courtroom. Connor adds insult to injury by saying he still knows what Aiden’s penis looks like. Asher is making fun of Laurel for her sloppy-bar-make-out session and casually mentions Frank leaving after he saw it. Laurel didn’t know Frank was there.

The prosecution calls Gabriel Shaw to the stand and the duuuuuun music starts up. Everyone looks real worried about this. Gabriel gets on the stand and says that Elena suggested they plant the bomb.

Commercial Break. Is it weird that I think Steve Carrell keeps getting better looking with age? (S: I’m right there with you. Time has been good to him.) (D: +1.)

We join the trial again and Annalise accuses Gabriel of lying. He says that Bomb Mom is the woman he’s loved his whole life, but he came to his senses and decided to tell the truth. Annalise says that he wasn’t originally on the prosecution’s witness list, so it wasn’t until the defense spoke to him that they convinced him to swap sides. Annalise asks what deal they offered him to testify against Bomb Mom. The prosecution objects and the judge is like, “nah man. I wanna hear the answer to this question.” He was promised early release. Bomb Mom cries.

During a recess, Bomb Mom’s husband is angry. He doesn’t know if she’s crying because she might go to jail or because her creepy lover just betrayed her. (D: Also, I think Mr. Bomb Mom is Roy, Pam’s pre-Jim fiancé on The Office.) Annalise  tells the Army that they have 3 hours to rebuild their defense. She tells them all to prove themselves.

Sweeney: TO THE ROOM OF REQUIREMENT, EVERYONE!

Mari: Michaela tracks down the agent who worked on Shaw’s case and convinces her to hand over the case files. We see her going through the files and making some calls. Later, she tells Asher what she found: after they visited Gabriel, a woman named Jane Santora called Gabriel six times. Santora is Bomb Mom’s mother’s maiden name. So, I guess Bomb Mom was making secret calls but decided to use a not so secret name. Michaela runs to tell Prof. Keating what she found out, but they have bigger fish to fry because Bomb Mom is missing.

We watch Bomb Mom get on a bus and sit next to Gabriel. They kiss all while the judge says the case is being put on hold until they find Bomb Mom. After the courtroom has mostly cleared out, Michaela hands over the case files to Prof. Keating. She takes them and then warns her to choose her husband carefully.

Diva: Michaela takes this way too seriously, like her current issues with her fiancé’s sexuality are totally the same as him being a brainwashed, cult-following terrorist.

Mari: I believe to her, it’s probably all the same.

Later, Detective Abs gets in Annalise’s car with a file. She starts to cry as she looks it over . Detective Abs says Sam was definitely at Yale and never left. We get handy flashbacks to all the evidence Detective Abs found to the contrary, in case we forgot. Annalise is relieved. She tries to lean in for some kisses but Detective Abs shuts her down and tells her to go home.

The Murdery Future. The Army is packing up the car with garbage bags of I don’t know what. Remains, I guess. Michaela starts freaking out, though, as she realizes that she’s lost her engagement ring.

Diva: How? That shit doesn’t just fall off if it’s sized properly. And Michaela would never risk losing that gigantic a rock by wearing it without getting it sized first.

Mari: Past. Michaela gets home and is scared because Aiden is there too. She yells at him for just showing up when there are murderers everywhere. He apologizes for that and for everything. She asks if he’s gay. It’s okay if he is but she has to know if he’s gay. Aiden says he isn’t, it was just a thing that happened when he was horny kid. He loves her. Michaela says her wedding dress is Vera Wang and she has a plan for her life and he better not ruin it by, I don’t know, having a sexual past. She says that if ever does something like that again, she’ll divorce him and take all his money and destroy his chances at a political career. That sounds like acceptable terms to him and he apologizes for stuff and kisses her.

Sweeney: This whole conversation was frustrating. Partially because Michaela was out of line – the idea that he should have told her before they started dating was just insane. More than that, though, it was disappointing to see it brought to such a biphobic, erasure-laden resolution. Any of a thousand minor tweaks to this conversation would have made it palatable, but no.

Diva: Yeah, it could have so easily been “we’re engaged and shouldn’t keep secrets like this from each other.” Instead it was “I had the right to know every bit of your sexual history before we even met,” which is unreasonable and weird.

Mari: I think, though, that the idea was to get us looking at Michaela with an eyebrow raised. Every character has their questionable quirks and her small mindedness is certainly that for her.

In the President’s office, Annalise says she’s come to a decision.

At 12 Grimmauld Place, Sam finds Paris in the kitchen and asks if they came to a decision about the football player.

In Murder 101, Annalise would like to announce the next owner of the trophy: Wes. You too can win important prizes by impersonating lawyers! (D: BRB, my head is exploding.) Annalise jointly announces that talk about the Dead Girl Lila case are banned from her classroom because she’ll be representing one of the defendants: Rebecca.

Diva: But it was okay to spend the last three weeks talking about Annalise’s pending cases in the classroom? She was representing those defendants too, but didn’t give a fuck about their confidentiality.

Mari: A good point, but you are forgetting: plot.

Back at 12 Grimmauld Place, Sam is a little shocked but says his wife can’t resist a challenge.

Dumbledore’s Army goes to visit Rebecca, but unfortunately she’s just confessed to the whole murder. That is decidedly not how to get away with murder.

Sweeney: AND THERE’S MORE ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK CROSSOVER. I hope the entire cast swings by at some point or another. Except Piper. She can stay in prison.

 

On that note, here are our favorite #howtosnark Tweets from this week:

 

I’m going to spend the next 25 minutes hoping this week’s @HowToGetAwayABC is better than this week’s @Gotham was. #howtosnark #gothamsnark

— Mari (@mynameismarines) October 10, 2014

So we ARE starting every episode with the bonfire. That’s… a choice. #HowToGetAwayWithMurder #howtosnark #HTGAWM

— Democracy Diva (@democracydiva) October 10, 2014

So Prof Keating’s classes aren’t regulated at all by the university? You don’t say. #HowToSnark

— Alex (@AlexTheAJ) October 10, 2014

LOLWUT? “This client didn’t murder anyone. Obvs she’s using a fake name after the time she DID murder people.” #howtosnark

— Nicole Sweeney (@SweeneySays) October 10, 2014

She’s a prostitute! No, she’s a mom! No, she’s a terrorist! #shondaland #howtosnark #HTGAWM

— Democracy Diva (@democracydiva) October 10, 2014

When you have a murder victim’s phone in your possession, you go to the cops, right? Yes, I’m sure that’s what Wes will do. #HowToSnark

— Alex (@AlexTheAJ) October 10, 2014

BTW, I still don’t believe this whole Connor/Aidan thing, can we get a flashback? Asking for a friend. #howtosnark #htgawm

— Eyes Only (@AnagnorisisM) October 11, 2014

Oh Roy from The Office, don’t you wish you’d married Pam now? #crossovermagic #HowToGetAwayWithMurder #howtosnark

— Jessica Smith (@antiscian) October 10, 2014

The lightning speed of the legal system on this show. Moving through cases this quickly would make for a very wealthy lawyer. #howtosnark

— Nicole Sweeney (@SweeneySays) October 10, 2014

Show, there’s something called ‘bisexuality’, I know, it’s hard to believe in such a radical concept. #htgawm #howtosnark

— Eyes Only (@AnagnorisisM) October 11, 2014

Seriously, Wes? All this because she gave you a stolen bottle of whisky? #HowToSnark

— Alex (@AlexTheAJ) October 10, 2014

My first guess @ next ep’s shocking 9-word quote: “I murdered your real law professor- now prove it!” #HowToGetAwayWithMurder #howtosnark

— Jessica Smith (@antiscian) October 10, 2014

I have MANY guesses for what Annalise’s “last 9 words” of next episode will be. “And that, kids, is how I…. met your mother.” #howtosnark

— Democracy Diva (@democracydiva) October 10, 2014

“Final exam: Murder someone. And get away with it.” #lastninewords #HTGAWM #howtosnark

— Democracy Diva (@democracydiva) October 10, 2014

“So, who wants to help me kill my husband?” #lastninewords #HTGAWM #howtosnark

— Democracy Diva (@democracydiva) October 10, 2014

“Next semester I’ll choose 4 more students- to murder!” #lastninewords #HowToGetAwayWithMurder #howtosnark

— Jessica Smith (@antiscian) October 11, 2014

 

 

Don’t forget to join us next week for another round of #howtosnark!

 

Next time on How to Get Away With Murder: Violas Davis is going to say 9 words that will shock the pants off us in S01 E04 – Let’s Go to Scooping.