Previously: Mama Fields had a break down and Mona confessed to murdering Wilden.
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Into the Deep
Sweeney: Mona, in her quest to make amends for her history of stalking and life-ruining, is in her interrogation, confessing to Wilden’s murder. She says that she had known about Wilden’s murder of Garrett, a fact that she claims she was trying to use to blackmail him into leaving our Pretty Little Liars out of his Ali-vestigation. Wilden got violent once he know that Mona knew about his murdering Garrett. When asked why she’s confessing when she could have gotten away with it, Mona cries and says she couldn’t let her best friend’s mother go down for a murder she didn’t commit.
Sweeney: Everybody’s gotta have their alone time with the camera.
Hastings House. Spencer and Hanna wait for Mama Hastings to return. When she does, she’s furious because whatever Mona’s up to, her confession contradicts some of the evidence and this whole thing is ultimately going to be bad for Ashley’s case because if it looks like the PLL’s had anything to do with this fake confession it will, by extension, look like Ashley did.
Once Mama Hastings leaves – after Spencer had already assured her that they’d never be that stupid – Spencer asks Hanna to tell her that she had nothing to do with this but obviously she can’t. (Mari: Awww, Hanna Marin: That Stupid.)
SHHHH.
After the credits, Aria’s sitting in front of Montgomery Manse, getting caught up to speed by Spencer over the phone while ogling Jake through the window as he gets dressed. He spent the night to keep her company while her parents were absent during her life of endless life threatening drama. Inside, Jake insists that they grab breakfast – or at least coffee – before she goes to her latest meeting of the Liars Council. Aria relents, noting that she at least owes the guy a coffee after he spent the night on her couch.
Out in the woods, Emily and Paige are talking. Emily’s terrified that Mona’s going to drag the other girls into this, but Paige wants to talk about Paige’s birthday. Paige hands her a box with an early birthday present – it’s a box containing a card. Paige got her a meeting with someone who trains Olympic swimmers, suggesting that Emily at least learn what her options are, like maybe taking a year off after high school so that she can get back to her hardcore swimming career.
Mari: “You’ve got options and all of them are swimming!”
Sweeney: One Coffee Shop. Jake and Aria are getting that coffee and Jake wants her to know that she can turn to him the next time her family decides to leave her defenseless against her multitude of stalkers. GUESS WHO ELSE IS THERE? Ezra and Alex Mack. She’s telling him all about this kick ass scholarship she got to go finish her Master’s degree, but Ezra’s too busy creepstaring at his baby ex-girlfriend. He gets brought back to this conversation when he hears her mention that it’s University of Washington, clear across the country. It’s the only school that gave her money and you’re only newly arrived in Malcolm’s life, so you can pretty much just STFU and deal, Ezra. BETTER YET, YOU CAN FUCKING MOVE TO WASHINGTON. PRETTY PLEASE?
Mari: YES. THIS IS THE BEST THING I’VE HEARD. Christian Grey is there. They can have lunch together.
Sweeney: Prison. Ashley’s confused by Mona’s confession, but Mama Hastings explains that Mona’s confession, while not sufficient to get them to drop the charges, was sufficient to keep Ashley from getting transferred far away and to get bail set, albeit at a staggering $1,000,000. Ooh, ooh! We just learned what to do in this scenario! Look for evidence of police interference and get it brought down to $100,000! And then you’ll only need 10%!
Mari: One step closer to knowing how to get away with murder! I love TV!
Sweeney: Super Coach Meeting. Coach Dominic has just given Emily a tour of his facilities, where she would, theoretically, spend the year training between high school and college. He gives her a drill sergeant rundown of what life would be like if she does do that.
Back in the woods, Hanna tries to beg her dad for bail money for her mom, crying and begging. She hangs up and sees that Pastor Ted heard the end of that conversation. He wants to see how she is and adds that he wants to help. Hanna’s short with him at first, but given her shortage of helpful adults, she opens up. Apparently for all this show’s disregard of facts, they do know about that 10% business, because Hanna says that they’re not going to be able to come up with $100,000 any time soon. Her amazing boyfriend is trying to sell his car, but it’s not going to be enough. Pastor Ted tries to tell her to have faith and Hanna’s all, “I don’t need faith, I need money.” Preach.
Mari:
Sweeney: Pedopartment. Ezra and Alex Mack are packing up Malcolm’s stuff and he gets her to agree to let Malcolm stay with Ezra when she goes out to Washington for a weekend. She’s not quite so on board with his notion that Malcolm should stay with Ezra full time. As she shouldn’t be, because he’s a sexual predator. When Ezra decides to swing low, Alex Mack retracts the offer of the weekend.
Rosewood High School for Taking Turns About the Halls. (M: “I assure you it is very refreshing after sitting so long in one attitude.”) Spencer reminds Aria that Mona once told people that the PLLs bullied her, so it’s not unlikely that she could revisit that tactic. They reach Aria’s locker and she pulls out a really basic snapshot of Emily and Paige, but because Aria’s 32 year old soul is an artist, Spencer is obliged to act like it’s really impressive that Aria took this photo. She got it printed and framed as a birthday present for Emily. The girls are about to head off to the party that Paige is throwing for Emily but as they’re about to round the corner they over hear Shana and Jenna talking, stopping short so they can eavesdrop. Jenna’s freaking out that they should have told someone about Alison, and Shana begs her to wait and give her a little more time. Shana promises it’ll all be over soon and then guides her away, now that her sight is about to be gone again.
Marin Manor. Ashley’s out and Hanna’s got all her favorite foods waiting for. Mama Hastings explains that Ashley’s got a guardian angel who posted her bail anonymously. The Marin women assume it was Shitbag, doing that to get around his wife. They also discuss Ashley’s ankle tracker which not only monitors her location – she can’t leave the house for anything other than a court date or medical appointment – but also that Ashley Marin will be without her favorite prop: glasses of wine. A sad day, indeed.
Mari: Is this a real thing? Is that magic? IS THAT EVIL MAGIC?
Sweeney: Evil Win(e) Destroying Magic.
Super Coach Meeting. He watches Emily’s training video and while she run the race in question – her best time in season – he spots all kinds of errors and bad habits. He says that she needs his help ASAP, which is when Emily has to clarify that she’s injured. He says that with that kind of injury she’s 6 months out from being able to go back in the pool and at that point, her odds of qualifying for next year’s scholarships are slim at best. I get that Paige is trying to help, but she’s overstepping here. Tread lightly, girl, because you’re just one misstep away from us being a lot less forgetful about that time you tried to drown Emily. (M: HEY! OH YEAH…!)
At the party that Paige is throwing for Emily, Aria and Spencer are helping to set up while debriefing their latest eavesdrop. They’re not sure if Jenna just confessed to knowing that Ali is alive or knowing who killed her. Either way, this is potentially the path to A and the person setting up Ashley. Spencer wants to play on Jenna’s current vulnerability, what with her losing her eyesight again, to manipulate the information out of her. You stay classy, Spencer. This is also Toby’s opportunity to offer up that the number Toby chased down in New York was rented out to a girl the landlord wouldn’t name but he did give them the PO Box in Philly she used as a forwarding address. I mean, I’d much rather you give out my first name than my address, random ex-landlord, but whatever. (M: There are disgruntled authors out there stalking snarky reviewers, Mr. Random Ex-Landlord! It’s a dark time.) Toby is on his way back to conduct more local investigations.
Paige returns with more stuff and barks, “HURRY UP!” orders. The girls ask if the whole swim team is coming, to which Paige assures them that she made it clear that Shana’s not welcome. They ask her to undo that, since if Shana comes, Jenna will follow. “Hi, remember how I told you you’re not welcome at all at my party? JUST KIDDING!” Who would even accept an invite like that?
Hastings House. Ezra is there to ask Mama Hastings for a referral on a custody lawyer. UGH. She gives him a name of the guy whose the best in the business, but she warns that it’ll be hard not just because custody suits are hard but also because he has been MIA for most of Malcolm’s life and isn’t even listed on his birth certificate. MAYBE YOU SHOULD JUST MOVE TO SEATTLE, EZRA. (M: Still the best!)
Party! Paige flags Aria down to get her to assist with guest-hiding duty. As they’re doing that, Aria spots Jake arriving with a girl and freaks a little. No time for that because Emily’s at the door. Paige lets her in and Emily’s visibly upset. She asks Paige why she lied to Dominic just before the lights go on and everyone shouts, “Surprise!” This is why surprises are dangerous. Paige is saved by all the well-wishing.
After a Not Break, “I Don’t Care” plays and it’s super fitting since all the car crashing and shit burning has actually happened on this show and these girls party like they don’t even care about the stalking. (M: A+) Aria sends Paige into the kitchen so she can whisper to Emily about Jenna’s return, sans eyesight. I didn’t even realize she had left Rosewood.
Outside the party, Jenna is in Shana’s car, pissed that she was brought to this party. You’re doing a really shitty job of supporting your blind friend by dragging her to parties she doesn’t want to attend, Shana. I still don’t understand why you accepted this weird begrudging invite.
Inside the party, Spencer notices Aria sitting alone sulking a little and asks how she’s doing. Aria confesses that Jake is there with a girl and Aria lied to him about what she was up to that night. Spencer recognizes the girl as someone from the swim team and cute friends about how she thought Aria wasn’t even that into them. All this good bestie time is interrupted by Jenna and Shana’s dramatic entrance.
Out by a dock in the backyard, Emily is sitting alone at her own party. Paige joins her and Em asks why she didn’t tell Dominic about her injury. Paige says she just wanted him to see her and she doesn’t listen as Emily explains that he told her she’s pretty much screwed. Emily asks why Paige is pushing this so much. Paige finally confesses that 3,000 miles is a long way and 4 years is a long time and a lot can happen. They both tear up as Emily says that they have to face the fact that they won’t be together next year. Aw, OK, Paige, I’ll keep having selective memory. (M: It’s easier that way, anyway.)
Marin Manor. Hanna leaves her dad a voice mail thanking him for helping her mother. As soon as she hangs up she gets a call from Mona. Mona says that she’s not OK now, but she will be. We see that Mona is packing a bag. Mona can’t talk now but just wanted to make sure that Ashley got out on bail. She tells Hanna she’s welcome in her creepy stalker voice and hangs up. (NO GOODBYE.)
Party. Jake finds Aria and asks her about her “family movie night” plans. She insists that she just forgot about Emily’s party. He says it’s not like she had to invite him and Aria asks pointed, jealous questions about the girl he brought. When he calls her out on it, she deny, deny, denies. She’s saved from this conversation by a text from Spencer about being all ready for the photo, save for Shana. Unfortunately, they walk off before Aria goes to talk to them.
It’s My Party And I’ll Cry If I Want To Dock. Spencer’s clearly not all ready for the photo because Paige and Emily are out there. Regardless, Paige asks Em if she’s feeling up to at least pretending to be happy for her party guests and they head back.
Inside, Jenna says they’ve been there for a half an hour and the teammates can just tell the coach she stopped by (which is the contrived reason she had to show up). Shana agrees and decides to head out.
Aria corners them and for reasons which defy all logic, she doesn’t lead with the team photo thing like she was supposed to. Instead, she insists that Jenna talk to her alone about Ali, a question she’s asking because she was eavesdropping earlier. Jenna tells her she doesn’t have to tell her shit, which is true. Their conversation ends when Paige wheels cake in. What the hell was Spencer even doing with that photo coordination?
Mari: I’m so confused.
Sweeney: Nothing made sense. I watched it all nice and slow and recapperly and nothing made sense.
Marin Manor. Pastor Ted and Ashley finish up their meal and he’s about to head home. Ashley says that she really wants to give him an explanation. She says that she and Wilden had a history – he knew about some bad stuff she had done and was blackmailing her and her daughter. She confesses that she did see him and get into an argument that night, but she didn’t kill him. “But I could have,” she says. He tells her that everyone has their limits and hugs her. He offers to bring them dinner the next night. On his way out he asks her not to run because he has a lot riding on her. The zoomy cameraman gets all up in Ashley’s face as she realizes that he was her bail-posting guardian angel. Guardian Angels who can float you $100k are the best kind of Guardian Angels.
Mari: Whenever my $100k Guardian Angel wants to show up, I’m ready. Hopefully not for bail, though.
Sweeney: Party. Aria pulls Emily back outside, because girl is never going to see her stupid party. They call out for Spencer and spot Jake leaving. He’s leaving alone, but waiting for his date to join them. While they talk, Emily wanders off on her own. Out by dock where she had been sitting with Paige she notices a body floating in the dock. She freaks out, thinking it’s Spencer, and wades in for the body. She flips it over and realizes it’s Jenna and she hauls her out of the water. People come to investigate the screaming and Emily calls out that Jenna isn’t breathing and someone needs to call 911 immediately.
Marin Manor. Hanna is getting the rundown on this over the phone, weirdly asking what hospital Jenna was taken to. She hangs up quickly when there’s a knock on her door. Ashley comes in and sits on her bed, quietly explaining that she thought Hanna should know that her Shitbag father didn’t actually put up the bail money – it was Pastor Ted. Hanna’s bummed that her father didn’t save the day after all, but rests her head in her Stupid But Tries Really Hard mother’s lap.
Montgomery Manse. Jake is there and Aria thanks him for coming over. He marvels at the batshit crazy that is Pretty Little Liar Life. (M: Jake should probably run away from Rosewood too.) (S: Truth. He’s a genuinely sweet dude. He’s only a few more nights on the Montgomery couch shy of being implicated in the A Team.) Aria says she’s got history with Jenna and Mona but if she tried to explain, she’d be there until graduation. LOL, graduation. I think you have to go to classes for that. Anyway, Jake understands why she’s on edge and Aria says she feels safe with him. Aria confesses that she does like him, but doesn’t see how she can let anyone else into her life. Jake’s up for the challenge, but probably only because she left out the pertinent stalky murdery details. They do some (probably) age appropriate flirting and make out.
Paige’s Aunt’s Party House. It’s night time and Paige comes to the pullout bed where Emily is clearly awake and just ignoring Paige, so she gets into bed too.
Hospital. Spencer arrives and asks Shana how Jenna’s doing and then pleads with her to get that secret information. She says any of them could be next and asks who did this, guessing Ali. Shana says that Alison’s dead, because she thinks any facts on this show stay true. Ever. Spencer wants to know who Jenna’s really so afraid of and Shana stops long enough to answer: CeCe Drake.
Mari: Didn’t we already learn that CeCe is a baddie? I feel like we keep coming to this conclusion. YES, YES, CECE DRAKE IS THE WORST. GOT IT.
Sweeney: She’s the worst, but we need at least six more people to confirm that before she actually appears on the show again.
Radley. Mona’s being shown back into her room, complete with creepy desk messages like, “Will the circle be unbroken.” She smiles like the mental institution is a homecoming.
Outside the DiLaurentis House (I think?) we see Red Coat pause and stare at the house. She goes beside the porch and starts unscrewing things to get into a crawl space below the porch.
A-nonymous: close up on a stain on the floor that looks like blood. We pan up and see that it’s WASTED WINE (I KNEW A WAS EVIL!) from a bottle knocked over. A sits down to play piano in those crazy ass black leather gloves. Sure, A, sure. A starts to play “Any Time,” and then stops to put the music in a manila envelope with Toby’s name on it.
I think there was a time when these segments feigned actual meaning or plot relevance. I think that was also a time when the show did more to feign plot, though. #Memories
Next time on Pretty Little Liars: Some more Alison masks in S04 E10 – The Mirror Has Three Faces.
Nicole is the co-captain of Snark Squad and these days she spends most of her time editing podcasts. She spends too much time on Twitter and very occasionally vlogs and blogs. In her day job she's a producer, editor, director, and sometimes host of educational YouTube channels. She loves travel, maps, panda gifs, and semicolons. Writing biographies stresses her out; she crowd sourced this one years ago and has been using a version of it ever since. She would like to thank Twitter for their help.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
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