Supernatural S02 E12 – Cybermen would be preferable

Previously: There was a creepy ghost girl at a creepy hotel. Also, Sam got drunkfaced and made Dean promise to kill him. Because that’s totally healthy.
—

Nightshifter

Kirsti: We open with a news bulletin in Milwaukee about a siege going on at a bank downtown. A reporter informs us there are about ten hostages, then there’s a kerfuffle in the background. The zoomy cameraman earns his pay cheque and shows us that Dean’s in the doorway of the bank, using a security guard as a human shield. He yells at the cops to get back, then gets “OH SHIT” face when he sees the news cameras.

FLAME ON!

After the credits, it’s the previous day and the boys are at a jewellery store pretending to be FBI agents. Dean flirts shamelessly while Sam learns that the jewellery store was robbed by its head buyer – she cleared out all the cases, got busted by the security guard, and killed him. Then she went home and killed herself. Sam asks the manager about seeing security footage, but the police took it all. Womp womp.

All possible information obtained, the boys head out. As they drive, Sam infodumps that they’re going to see the security guard of a bank that was robbed by one of its employees a month earlier. Just like with the jewellery store, the thief went home and committed suicide. But before he did that, he beat the guy they’re going to see into unconsciousness. They bang on his door, and introduce themselves as FBI agents.

Ronald says that he’s already given his statement to the police. Dean says they need to clarify some stuff, and he’s thrilled someone actually read his statement and believes his story. He ushers them inside, and there’s conspiracy theory stuff everywhere. Ronald says he was friends with the dude who robbed the bank and it totally wasn’t him at the bank that night. It was more like a giant doll that looked exactly like his friend.

He says it’s happened more than once, and hands them a file on the jewellery store. Both crimes, Ronald says, were pulled by the same thing. He holds up a magazine with a cyberman on the front cover and DOCTOR WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Ahem. Ronald says that various Bond villain nations have been working on part man part machine creatures that can make themselves look like anyone for years. He calls it a “mandroid“. Dean and Sam both get judgey expressions. Ronald says he can prove it.

He shows them the security footage from the bank that night. He pauses it just as his friend/thief/mandroid turns towards the camera, and says “the laser eyes” are proof. The boys exchange a glance because Skin taught us that shapeshifters’ eyes flare in camera recordings. Ronald rambles that he thinks the mandroid is hiding underground, waiting to rob another bank. Dean’s impressed with his work, but Sam coldly tells him there’s no such thing as mandroids and that he should just deal with the fact that his friend was a thief. Dean looks confused and Ronald yells at them to GTFO.

Motel of the Week. Dean says that they should have thrown Ronald a bone for doing good legwork rather than stealing his security footage. Sam has no fucks to give, because Ronald’s not a hunter and letting him know the truth would just get him killed. He looks over the security footage again as Dean plots out the heist sites on a map of the sewer system. There’s one more bank on that sewer line.

Cut to the bank from the teaser. The boys are now wearing boilersuits, claiming to be from the bank’s security company. They tell the guard they’re there to check for glitches in the security cameras, and he takes them through to where all the monitors are.

    Sometime later, they’re watching the screens and checking everyone’s eyes for lens flare. Okie Dokie is clean, which makes Dean happy. The manager, on the other hand, isn’t. Sam heads for the door, all ready to get down to the murdering, but Dean spots something on another camera. Namely, Ronald walking in and padlocking the doors. Cut downstairs. Ronald runs into the main part of the bank with an assault rifle. He shoots into the air, informs everyone that this ISN’T a robbery, and orders them to get on the floor. Fade to black.

After the Not Commercial Break, Ronald shoots into the air again and hustles everyone into the centre of the room. The boys head towards the main area, Dean bitching about Sam’s insistence that they not bring weapons. He tells Sam to stay quiet because Ronald didn’t like him. When they reach the main room, this proves to be correct. Ronald is NOT pleased to see them. He gets one of his hostages to pat them down, and the hostage finds a silver knife in Dean’s boot. Ronald drops it into a deposit box and Dean’s all “WELL, SHIT.”

He suggests that Ronald stop waving his gun around and let everyone go, but Ronald’s all “LOL NOPE”. Dean says they believe him and they’re there to help, and whispers in his ear that the bank manager is the mandroid. Ronald doesn’t believe him. Dean says urgently that they need to find the bank manager before he shifts into someone else. Ronald reluctantly agrees, but has Dean lock everyone in the vault. Dean gives Sam a “sorry, what can you do?” expression as he does so. Sam is not impressed. A young female teller, meanwhile, thinks Dean is the dreamiest. Sam eyerolls.

  Dean and Ronald search through offices for the bank manager. Ronald checks behind a desk and slips on a big slimy pile of skin. After he’s done screaming and Dean’s done “WELL SHIT”-ing, Ronald marvels at how lifelike the robot skin is. Dean’s all “Yeah, no, that’s real skin”, and spills the beans on it being a shapeshifter. He rummages through the desk and sighs with relief when he finds a silver letter opener.

Outside, police and SWAT teams gather. In the command centure, a detective gives the order to cut the power. Back in the bank, Ronald is chuckling delightedly about being right. The power goes out and Dean freaks because now they can’t use the security monitors to work out who the shapeshifter is. In the vault, Swoony Teller gushes over Dean’s dreaminess some more. Sam eyerolls again. Dean opens the vault door and tells Sam they need to speak to him outside.

Shutting the vault door behind Sam, Dean fills his brother in on what’s happened. Sam bitchily points out that Dean’s wanted by the police and they don’t have an exit strategy. Dean declares that to be Future Dean’s problem. He hands Sam another silver letter opener (bankers are weird. I open my letters with MY HANDS. Or a butter knife…), and says he’s going after the shapeshifter. Sam starts yelling about how that’s the worst plan ever, but Dean points out that the alternative is them getting arrested and the shifter getting away. Sam eyerolls but agrees.

Dean creeps off down the hall, looking for movement. Sam cracks the vault door to give everyone some air, but says they have to stay put. Okie Dokie clutches at his chest. Ronald answers a ringing phone. “What? What do you mean, demands??” he says in confusion. Sam headdesks and orders him to hang up the phone. Okie Dokie clutches his chest some more and pleads to be released. He struggles over to the door with several other hostages helping him.

Ronald’s still talking to the cops. Sam storms over and slams the phone down. A man shouts from the vault that Okie Dokie is having a heart attack, and Sam sighs. He orders Ronald to cover the door to the vault and picks up the phone. Elsewhere, Dean continues creeping around the halls looking for the shifter.

Sam tells the detective that he needs to send in a paramedic. A man in the vault overhears and starts yelling about how Okie Dokie is dying and they don’t have time for this shit. Ronald says apologetically that no one is leaving. Back in the halls, Dean finds a ceiling panel ajar. He pokes at it and a corpse falls out. It’s Shouty Man from the vault (it’s 11.30pm and I’ve been writing this post for three days. My ability to nickname people is GONE). Dun dun duuuuuuuuuuuuuun.

Back in the vault, Shouty Shapeshifter holds Okie Dokie, who’s struggling to breathe. He tells Ronald to just open the door and let Okie Dokie go. Dean returns and whispers to Sam. Shouty Shapeshifter watches them warily. Sam heads into the vault, saying he’ll help Okie Dokie get to the door. Shouty Shapeshifter’s all “I’LL HELP TOO”, but Sam’s all “LOL NOPE”. Sam and Okie Dokie head slowly off towards the front door. Dean asks if he can have a word with Shouty Shapeshifter. He agrees, then knocks Dean down and runs into the darkened hallways. Ronald chases after him and ends up in the light of the police trucks from outside. Sam yells as a laser point appears on his back, but it’s too late. There’s a shot and Ronald falls to the ground, dead. Fade to black.

After the Not Commercial Break, Sam and Dean take cover as the hostages make a run for it. Sam hands Dean the key to Ronald’s front-door-padlock and tells him to help Okie Dokie while he goes after Shouty Shapeshifter. Dean grabs Ronald’s rifle on his way past. Down the hall, Sam yanks open the door of a cupboard to find it empty. There’s a noise behind him and he turns to see Swoony Teller and a bunch of hostages. He orders them back to the vault.

Dean opens the front door and starts to help Okie Dokie towards the waiting paramedics. He stares around in horror at the media frenzy and orders everyone to get back. Over in the command vehicle, the police are all “The fuck? Why has a hostage taken over the situation??”. Okie Dokie shuffles out the door and Dean slams it behind him. “We are so screwed…” he mutters as he relocks it.

Elsewhere in the bank, Sam’s found another slimy pile of skin. He calls Dean and fills him in. Dean “Well, shit”s and tells him to round up all the employees again. Outside, the police freak because the feds have arrived. A Nick-Fury-levels-of-badass guy walks into the command centre and introduces himself as Agent Henriksen. The detective in charge sasses him, and his response is all kinds of amazing:

Back inside, Sam continues hunting. Dean herds employees back to the vault and Swoony Teller sad pandas about it. Dean tells her everything will be okay before locking the vault. The landline rings and Dean answers. Henriksen’s all “Oh hey, Dean Winchester”. Dean’s horrified and asks how Henriksen knows it’s him. “Go screw yourself, that’s how I knew,” he replies because BEST. He goes on to say that he knows all about the boys and how they were raised, and compares Papa Winchester to Timothy McVeigh. Dean says coldly that he knows nothing about Papa Winchester. Henriksen doesn’t care. He gives Dean an hour to surrender before he and the SWAT team burst in. But once he hangs up, he orders the SWAT team to be ready in five minutes. Fade to black.

After the Not Commercial Break, Sam finds Swoony Teller dead in a cupboard. He heads back to the vault and tells Dean they have a problem. They open the vault door and inform Swoony Teller that they’re letting her go as a show of good faith (aka they think she’s the shifter). She reluctantly follows them. They show her Dead!Swoony Teller, and she screams then faints. Dean’s all “Welp, that makes killing her easier”, but Sam thinks maybe it’s not a defence mechanism. Dead!Swoony Teller sits up and grabs at Dean. Sam grabs the real Swoony Teller and rushes her out as Dean starts fighting Swoony Shapeshifter. She knees him in the chin and runs.

Elsewhere, the SWAT team enter the bank. Dean hides. Swoony Teller begs for help. Sam raises his hands. Dean resumes hunting. He gets slammed in the face by Swoony Shapeshifter and goes down. Sam knocks out the two SWAT members holding guns on him. Dean manages to get up again and grabs at Swoony Shapeshifter. The skin slides off her forearm. Gross. Dean agrees with me. The fight continues until he manages to stab her in the chest with his letter opener. She slides to the floor. Behind Dean, a SWAT officer enters the room and we fade to black.

After the Not Commercial Break, Henriksen and the SWAT team are clearing the building. They find Shouty Man’s body, and Dead!Swoony Shapeshifter and marvel over having just walked her twin out of the bank. But the Winchesters are nowhere to be found. Henriksen loses his shit when a SWAT officer shows him two members of the team stripped and cuffed in a closet. Styx’s Renegade starts up as we see two uniformed SWAT officers run out of the bank with their weapons up. They run to a nearby parking garage and up to the Bromobile.

They clamber in and pull off their masks. “We are so screwed…” Dean repeats. Sam nods his agreement. They slump in exhaustion before leaving town. Fade to black.

I have mixed feelings about this episode. It’s fun but it took a REALLY long time to get going. There’s a lot crammed into the last ten minutes, and a lot of set up for a monster we already know about. Really, the biggest thing going on here is Henriksen, and you can bet we’re going to see him again soon.

 

 Next time on Supernatural: There’s an angel on the the loose in Rhode Island. Or is there? Either way, I’ll laugh hysterically over foreshadowing in S02 E13 – Houses of the Holy.