How To Get Away With Murder S01 E07 – Majestic Shoulders 101

Previously: Annalise had Frank plant some evidence in order to bring Rebecca home; Wes believes in Rebecca, in spite of her bad girl eyeliner.

He Deserved to Die

Democracy Diva: Bonfire, but just for a sec, because then we cut back to 12 Grimmauld Place. Rebecca is drenched in a truly ridiculous amount of blood and Wes is carrying her into the bathroom. He cleans the blood off her her while she just stands there in a daze. She thanks him, and he kisses her. He says it will be fine, because people always say that when there are dead bodies around. We zoom in on Rebecca’s thoughtful face, so it’s clearly The Rebecca Episode.

Marines: The tender blood wiping made me feel icky. Spoiler alert: this is not the ickiest I’ll feel this episode.

Sweeney: Giving you a soft introduction to the unpleasant emotions you’ll feel is what the teaser’s all about.

Diva: This episode was definitely brought to you by Game of Throness blood budget.

Flashback to two weeks earlier. Rebecca is telling the story of the night Lila was murdered to Dumbledore’s Army. She and Griffin did some coke, smoked some weed, and started fucking, like people do. She doesn’t remember texting Lila, but apparently she did, because Lila showed up and started beating the hell out of her. Griffin pulled Lila off of her, and Rebecca tried to explain, but clearly couldn’t. So instead, she says, she strangled Lila and stuffed her in a water tank. BUT JUST KIDDING! Annalise is obviously NOT AMUSED. She screams a bunch of horrible shit at Rebecca  quoting what other people are going to say about her, of course, but probably also a little bit saying what she really thinks.



Mari: Plus, saying a lot of mean things and then having her awkwardly tack on, “that’s what people will say,” gave ABC a really cool little soundbite for the teaser. It’s the kind of thing that only people on TV do, so that others can eavesdrop and only hear the first part OR so the network can mislead people.

Sweeney: And is also a bullshit way of speaking, “That’s, uh, what other people say!” is on the same level as “Not to be ____, but….”

Diva: Annalise yells at her to start the story over or go the fuck to jail, and Wes suggests they take a break. His power is enough to stop the creepy orchestra of creepiness that’s playing, and Annalise agrees to take five. The rest of the gang gossips about how Wes and Rebecca are totally doin’ it. Asher helpfully comments that he pictures everyone having sex, because, you know, he’s Asher.


Anyway, they turn on the news because the press caught on to Rebecca having sex with Griffin and stealing his virginity or whatever.  Annalise is all, STILL WANNA TELL JOKES, BITCH?

MURDER CHALKBOARD.

In court, Annalise accuses assistant district attorney Fig (real name still unknown to me) of leaking info to the press to slut-shame Rebecca on a national level. Everyone yells over each other because courtroom etiquette is for losers. Fig blames the leak on Griffin (Griffith? whatever, I don’t care enough about him to figure it out)’s attorney, who played Richard on Ally McBeal and is still TV lawyering almost 20 years later. Richard is all, I so did not do this shit, but Annalise plays the sexism card and notes that Rebecca’s face is all over the front page – not Griffin’s. Fig still insists this isn’t her doing. The judge decides on a gag order so that no one can talk to the press about this case, including the clients.

Richard also wants something from the court, – Annalise reminds him that this is a hearing for a totally different thing, but the judge is all “fuck rules and procedures and actually filing paperwork to submit motions to the court, let’s just take care of this now.” He says his expert witness saw some overlooked scratch marks on Lila’s neck. They’re not from Griffin because quarterbacks clip their nails. Richard’s motion is to exhume Lila’s corpse and analyze those scratch marks. Annalise and Fig both start screaming at once, and the judge is all, cool, we’ll hear that evidence at the hearing tomorrow morning. The speed at which the justice system moves on this show might be one of the least believable things about it. Dockets be busy, yo.

Sweeney: It blows my mind. Serial described several consecutive days of expert testimony about how cell towers work, but Viola Davis regularly gets cases in and out of court in a week’s time. I bet it’s ’cause real lawyers don’t have her majestic shoulders and ability to emote over cell phones and stuff. That’s what you all should really be learning in law school.

Diva: I am SO pissed I didn’t register for Majestic Shoulders 101.

After the break, Asher wonders about exhumation and Laurel gives him the gory details.

Some guy Connor once gave a life-changing rim job to approaches him, but quickly realizes Connor does not even a little bit remember his name. No-Name calls Connor a slut, and Michaela judges him, but Asher lovingly calls him a “playa.” (As in player, not as in Spanish for “beach.”) (M: HA. But now I want to call players beaches.) Why aren’t any of the DA members even remotely as fun to watch as Asher? I love Dean Thomas and the gratuitous exploitation of his abs, but I can’t pretend I give a shit about anyone on this show besides Annalise, Paris Geller, and Asher. (M: +1.)

Anyway, everyone is conveniently distracted enough for Rebecca and Griffin to start a convo with each other, which quickly becomes heated. He’s all, you’re going down for this, and she’s about to hit him or at least give him a solid shove when Wes separates them. Richard rushes over and threatens to bring assault charges against Rebecca. Wes tells him that Griffin instigated it, and Richard condescends that that’s not how the law works. Annalise interrupts him to proclaim, ONLY I AM ALLOWED TO TEACH THEM THE LAW. That’s why they don’t attend any of their other ABA-required 1L classes, you see. Annalise adds that what everyone here saw is that Rebecca was defending herself. Which is some straight-up bullshit. Griffin was being a dick, sure, but he didn’t even make a move towards her and suddenly she was flying at him. Richard tells Rebecca to play nice, and Dumbledore’s Army exits dramatically.

At home, Annalise calls Rebecca a terrorist to her husband. She’s furious, and says, “it makes me grateful for the miscarriages.”



I don’t know what’s more heartbreaking – the use of the plural, the sentence itself, or the way she tossed it out there like it was meaningless. But it certainly sheds some light on Annalise, and makes me think that maybe her overly intimate crying/chest-clutching to Wes earlier in the season about how she was trying to have a baby wasn’t completely bullshit.

Mari: So many feelings about that thrown out line. They kind of toss it out and move on. It makes me feel bad for them, but also, the professional liar and power abusing cheater are calling some punk girl a terrorist. It’s a touch of the black pot and kettle.

Sweeney: There’s a lot going on there and it’s almost better that it was handled so quickly, because that, in and of itself, is also quite telling.

Diva: Agreed. Annalise complains that the second autopsy will probably be bad for Rebecca. Sam tries to rub her back, but Annalise is not having it. He tells her she can have all the time she needs. He’ll wait.

Frank tells the gang that they have to tear apart Richard’s expert witness. He hands a packet of information to everyone except Laurel. Paris Geller tells them to come up with an alternate theory for what, besides their clients’ fingernails, could have caused the marks on Lila’s neck. Michaela requests a few hours off to interview at Sterling and White, and everyone else is like, um, how the fuck did you score that interview this early in the season school year. Because the normal rules of how law things work do not apply to this show! Wes says they  should all be working full-time on this, because who cares if that’s against ABA rules just like everything else on this show. Michaela assures him that they’ll save his girlfriend and Wes denies that they’re together.

Fig makes a dramatic entrance into 12 Grimmauld Place. Fig talks to Annalise alone in her office, and informs her that neither of them want this motion to exhume Lila’s body going through. They don’t know what the hell this autopsy will reveal, so they’re both safer without it. She hands Annalise a case file that will help her tear down Richard’s expert witness. Fig can’t use the information herself, because it would shed some bad light on some cases that she herself “didn’t” work on. Fig asks if she’ll use it and Annalise is all, you’ll find out. This is suspicious shit, friends.

Classroom. Annalise explains that expert witnesses are allowed to be paid, meaning that you can pretty much get them to say anything you want. Cut to Richard examining his expert witness, who explains that the marks on Lila’s body means REBECCA TOTES DID IT AND NOT GRIFFIN. (M: A+. Not even an exaggeration.) Back to the classroom. Asher volunteers that their strategy has to be to impeach the expert’s credibility. (Asher refuses to let go of the statue even to answer this question, and him clutching it while answering this question was a hilarious sight.) (S: It’s an amazing little character note because of course this is what Asher does.) Courtroom. Annalise brings up the case that Fig told her about. She says this expert’s testimony helped score a conviction in a past case. She has an internal report from the district attorney’s office that questions the methods and conclusions of the witness’s work. Richard objects, as does Fig, who says she hasn’t read the report and it’s hearsay anyway. Annalise says it falls under the business records exception to the hearsay rule, and I laugh because suddenly this show cares about the admissibility of evidence when Connor has fucked his way to half the evidence that’s been used this season. Annalise calls the expert’s work negligent and says the DA wanted to ban him from future cases. The other lawyers object, but the judge just asks the witness if he knew this report existed, which he did.

Cut to Wes, trying to convince the doctor who did the first autopsy to testify. Cut to the courtroom, where that doctor says he thought those marks on Lila were freckles, or possibly postmortem bug bites. Annalise gives Richard a look like, WHO’S THE RULER OF THE EXPERT WITNESS UNIVERSE NOW? Outside the courtroom, she tells Dumbledore’s Army that they have to get Lila’s family to oppose the second autopsy. If they can do that, they’ll get something way better than a trophy that will be covered in blood and guts in two weeks.

Mari: PERMISSION TO STUDY FOR OTHER CLASSES? *fingers crossed*

Diva: If only! Meanwhile, at the Legal Aid office, Kahn yells at someone on the phone on behalf of his evicted client. Everyone else in the office is slacking off or gone, and his client and her four kids will be homeless if he doesn’t win this case. Kahn and Laurel kiss and he says he could hire her to replace his useless coworkers. She thought they didn’t hire first years, and he says they don’t, because they’re not as smart as her. Or because first-years haven’t learned enough law to be useful to anyone, for anything at all. But whatever. He knows she’d never leave Keating, but she says she’ll consider it. He also informs her that the lock on his office door is fixed so they should probs go have sex in there.

Wes’s apartment. He asks Rebecca if Lila’s parents were religious – she says no, and that’s why they thought her virginity pact with Griffin was particularly weird. Rebecca looks at the photo of Lila’s body and puts her hands over where the fingernail marks are. She says they should measure her fingernails and see if they match. He hesitates, and she’s all, yeah, sorry, I’m dumb and you’re an Ivy Leaguer so whatever. Wes asks if she really thinks he spent his whole life at places like Middleton, but she wouldn’t know. She thinks Wes is so private he might even have spent six years at a Scottish boarding school for magic before having to go into hiding and being abducted by Snatchers because he didn’t know whether his dad was a wizard or not. Wes confesses that he went to Hogwarts community college and night school – and so can she. Rebecca’s future doesn’t have to be dealing drugs – she can go to college, and law school, like he did. She just scoffs and says yeah, and I’ll run for president too! Wes gives up and says he’ll stop trying to help her, but Rebecca says no. She wants him to keep trying. They stare at each other intensely. He leans in for a kiss, and she runs out the door.

president

Sweeney: Attempts to sell me on this relationship are failing, but prior to the brooding staring, Rebecca’s, “I’ll be the country’s first ex-juvie, drug dealer, bartender president!” bit was moderately endearing. Basically, I think this episode would have been more successful in selling Rebecca had it not concurrently tried to pitch Rebecca/Wes, who I continue to not care about.

Diva: Cosign. Flash-forward to murder night. Wes is leaving Rebbeca in a motel room, and tells her not to talk to anyone or do anything until he gets back. She numbly tells Wes that she had to kill him or he was going to kill her. She grabbed the trophy and killed him, and she’s glad she did because he was going to kill her. Rebecca reminds Wes that she’s already going to jail, and she can’t live with the idea that he’ll go to jail too, because of her. She begs him to let her help him for once, but he insists that she stay in the motel room.

Sweeney: Also, she says “he deserved to die,” so congrats, Rebecca, on earning the star. There’s still nobody with more than 1 to match Connor’s 3, but congrats on entering the race.

title star

Diva: Sterling and White offices. Michaela over-enunciates and over-flatters her way through the interview. The interviewer says, uh, this is awkward, but you’re actually here because we represent your future in-laws, who want you to sign this prenup. Seriously? Your fiancé didn’t bother to mention this to you? Don’t dump him for once having had a gay sexual experience; dump him for being too much of a child to talk to you about a prenup. (M: Preach.) Anyway, back at 12 Grimmauld Place, Michaela pretends the interview was just wonderful. Connor is bitter, but she tells him if he would stop Facebook stalking Oliver, maybe he’d have a job by now. Rebecca leaves to get something to eat and glares at Sam, calling him Mr. Darcy.

Sam goes into Annalise’s office and asks why the “terrorist” is spending so much time in their home. Annalise says, uh, because she’s probably going to punch Griffin in the face if I don’t keep an eye on her? Sam says he might be able to help convince Lila’s parents to object to the autopsy. Because, you know, he has personal knowledge he obtained through cheater-y sexy times with one of his students, like creepers do. Anyway, Lila’s parents didn’t like Griffin – he was pushing her to be religious like him. They thought he was controlling and had ulterior motives. Annalise just looks pensive.

Sweeney: Yay helpful information! Boo making me think about how you obtained it!

Diva: Cut to Frank and Laurel at a park, fighting about relationship things and I’m not even going to pretend I give a fuck about this. Anyway, Laurel greets a middle-aged woman and her adorable dog. But when the lady sees Laurel’s face, she immediately recognizes her as someone from Annalise’s firm. Mrs. Stangard is like, please get the fuck away from me. Laurel explains that each time this expert witness exhumes a body, their client walked free. She says this will only help Griffin and no one else, so Mrs. Stangard needs to oppose it.

Mari: Does anyone care about who actually killed Lila? No?

Diva: Clearly not. In the courtroom, Mrs. Stangard describes the pain of putting her daughter to rest. She accuses Richard of wanting to confuse the evidence so that no one convicts Griffin, OR Rebecca. She calls them both monsters and animals. Mrs. Stangard says they both murdered her, and sobs. Rebecca looks… this actress really can’t convey an emotion to save her life, can she? She just hangs her mouth open and looks surprised. On the way out of the courtroom, Wes tries to comfort Rebecca, but she just says, “She was my friend.” The rest of the DA gossip, and Connor’s former mystery sex partner gives him a lingering look. Asher wonders if Connor has a “voodoo penis,”  and says he’s pissed off that he himself wasn’t born gay.

Connor sidles up to Julian, the nameless mystery sex partner. Connor invites him out on a date, but Julian reminds him that he has a boyfriend. Julian assures Connor that he barely remembers Connor either. Connor decides to prove how memorable he is, by once again displaying his magical crime-solving sex powers. Cut the Connor sex scene that is apparently required in every episode of this show.

Mari: It doesn’t advance the plot at all this episode and I don’t know if that is better or worse.

Diva: Sam makes Annalise a martini. She thanks him for the information that helped Mrs. Stangard make a statement against exhuming Lila’s body. Cut to the courtroom. Fig says she hired their own expert, who said the red marks on the victim’s neck are fingernail marks caused by a woman. Annalise is like, WHAT THE FUCK, and says it’s suspicious Fig just changed her mind about not wanting the autopsy. Fig says it would have been unethical not to report her new findings. The judge is all, cool, let’s talk about this tomorrow because the justice system moves AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT! Rebecca asks Paris Geller why Fig flipped and she has no idea. But they’re going to find out.

Annalise in her car. Detective Abs enters and is all gruff. She wants to know why Wendy Parks (OMG I FINALLY LEARNED FIG’S NAME!) turned on her in court. Abs is like, why, so I can help you protect your husband? She says Sam didn’t do it, but he just wants to know why did she plant Lila’s phone in Griffin’s car if that’s true? Annalise is like, cool, you can go now. He reminds her that he tried to give her an out in all this.

Mari: I said this in Tweet form, but seriously, I have no idea why she keeps calling him. Nothing good ever comes of it.

Sweeney: Because the writers are contractually obligated to give his abs a certain number of episodes.

Diva: I fully support that contract, if only for the abs. After the break, Rebecca is going crazy in her motel room on Murder Night. Like a moron, she picks up the phone and calls 911 and then pretends it’s a prank call. (Not by actually saying something a prank caller would say – just by apologizing and saying “this is a prank call.” That’s like, the opposite of how prank calls work.) The phone rings and it’s Wes, calling her from the burner phone he bought at that sketchy market. He says he got the gang to come around, and they’re going to protect her.

Mari: And by “got them to come around,” he means “lied to them about a coin toss.”

Sweeney: Which, you know, tomayto-tomahto if being lied to about a coin toss is sufficient to persuade them to cover up a murder.

Diva: 12 Grimmauld Place. Paris Geller tells Dumbledore’s Army to go to a bar, flirt, and find out from Wendy’s assistant Ally why she flipped on the issue of the autopsy. Connor’s going too, because his shit works on males and females (Paris agrees, hilariously). Rebecca offers to go as well, since she’s a hitting-on-chicks expert, but Paris keeps her there instead. (S: Because of how infamous accused murderers have a way of destroying the mood.) Cut to Laurel on the phone with Kahn, saying she needs more time to decide. Rebecca overhears and asks if she’s going to lose the case, and if that’s why Laurel might take another job. Rebecca knows it’s Kahn and it’s the Legal Aid job and everything else about Laurel’s life. Laurel begs Rebecca not to tell anyone, but of course, Rebecca tells Michaela as soon as she walks in the room. Laurel then asks Michaela not to tell anyone, and Rebecca drops in the fact that Michaela’s fiancé wants her to sign a prenup. Laurel’s all, cool, you don’t talk about Legal Aid, I won’t talk about your prenup. Rebecca says, and I’ll shut up too, if you stop saying me and Wes are fucking, ’cause we’re not.

shut-your-whore-mouths

Mari: It was the first scene in which I even marginally liked Rebecca. Mostly for this cute little, “shut your whore mouths” motion she makes with her fingers.

Sweeney: I have found Rebecca endearing in this episode in all the moments that aren’t also about convincing me that her DEEP CONNECTION with Wes is a real thing. The shut-your-whore-mouths hand motion was the best.

Diva: Snarky Rebecca is clearly our favorite Rebecca. Cut to the bar, where Connor is wasted and talking about how he cheated on a “girl” named “Olive.” Wes tries to asks Ally about her job at the Wendy’s office, but Connor just wants to know how to get his ex-boyfriend – er, ex-girlfriend – back. Wes tells Asher to dive into the interrogation and shut Connor up, but Asher just wants to unleash the “Millstone Meatsicle,” which is the world’s greatest penis name. He hits on a different girl instead.

12 Grimmauld Place. Asher’s wasted and doesn’t remember the girl’s name. Paris asks if he’s drunk and he’s like, YUUUUUUP. Wes translates into non-drunk English that Richard (Griffin’s attorney) and Wendy (the district attorney) – worked out a plea deal that would get Griffin off, but only if the DA supports the exhumation. Annalise is all, kthanxbai. Asher wants his prize, but Paris Geller tells him to GTFO. Paris suggests to Annalise that they tell the judge there’s collusion between Richard and Wendy, but Annalise thinks there’s another option and stares pointedly at Rebecca and Wes.

Post-commercials, Rebecca thinks Griffin’s plea deal is bullshit. Paris says they have to get Wendy to rescind to the deal, and Annalise explains that in order to do this, they have to leak something horrible to the press about Griffin. Something so horrible that Wendy wouldn’t be able to move the plea deal forward because it would be too politically unpopular. Wes reminds Annalise that there’s a gag order, but Rebecca volunteers to leak the information herself. She can say she didn’t know what a gag order was. Wes is all, except you DO know, and Annalise tells him to let the client speak for herself. (Particularly when she’s saying exactly what Annalise was subtly manipulating her into saying.) Annalise asks about the night she and Griffin slept together, and they both smile at each other.

In court, the cover of the paper is about how Rebecca was raped by Griffin. Wendy is calling bullshit on this – hi, gag order – and Annalise said her client had no idea she was violating anything. Richard says this is a deliberate attempt to fuck up Griffin’s plea deal; Annalise plays dumb about the deal. Wendy says the deal is off the table because of Rebecca’s false accusation, but Richard insists his client still deserves that plea bargain. Annalise is all, just like he deserved to be able to rape my client? Richard screams for that to be stricken from the record, but the judge reminds him that there’s no jury here. Instead, the judge reprimands Annalise for violating the gag order, and says she’ll ensure the ABA investigates her if it turns out she knew her client was going to leak information. Tell them to call me – I’ve got a long list of other ABA violations on this show! The judge also orders the immediate exhumation of Lila’s body, conducted by someone of the judge’s choosing.

Strutting out of the courtroom, Wendy notes that the rape story was awfully convenient. Annalise basically tells Wendy that she made that move because Wendy doesn’t give a shit who killed Lila, as long as she can convict somebody, and Rebecca will be easier to convict than Griffin. Wendy tells her to pray those fingernail marks aren’t Rebecca’s, but Annalise insists that prayer is for the weak and she’d prefer to just kick Wendy’s ass in court.

Mari: Plus, if she prayed, I think God would just be like, “no.”

Diva: Wes and Rebecca’s building. Rebecca tries to talk to him but he’s completely blowing her off. Even when she follows him into his apartment, he ignores her and tries to study. She accuse him of being obsessed with her life, and wonders what childhood trauma caused him to need to always be fixing other people. Wes insists that he was just trying to help, not fix her, but if she wants to go call people rapists, that’s just fine. So Rebecca makes out with his face, and then says they shouldn’t be doing this. He agrees, and then they nom faces some more.

They have sex. The sex scene is intercut with scenes from the exhumation of Lila’s corpse. It is gross, and I have nothing more to say about the subject.

Mari: It’s done purely for shock value and adds nothing at all to either scene except, “EW.” Stop it, show.

Sweeney: Adding to the chorus of EW and WHY? This show’s infatuation with shock value consistently undermines the rest of what it brings to the table.

Diva: Post-unsexiest-scene-ever, Rebecca tells Wes that he was born in Ohio. She “looked it up.” Probably on that handy PI data base that Veronica Mars is always finding random information on! She says he doesn’t seem Ohio-ish except for his dopey smile. Wes explains that he was actually born in Haiti. They moved to the states when he was a baby, and he was the only black kid in town. And he wasn’t good at basketball, even though everyone wanted him to be. He says some other boring stuff about his life and casually drops in the fact that his mother killed herself when he was 12. She was sweet and funny, but messed up. He then continues with his random list of inane facts about himself. It’s a little bit nuts.

Connor, outside Oliver’s door, holding flowers. A different but super-sexy dude answers the door and says Oliver’s in the shower. Connor looks crushed and tries to run off. But Super-Sexy knows he’s Connor and tells him to just stay away if he cares about Oliver at all.

Mari: GOOD FOR OLIVER. I hope Super-Sexy never uses him for illegally obtaining evidence for cases.

Diva: 12 Grimmauld Place. Frank asks if Laurel’s leaving for Legal Aid. (Rebecca told him about her possible job opportunity, of course, because she sucks.) (M: Definitely cancels out her 1.5 seconds of likability.) Frank doesn’t want her to lose a great opportunity over one stupid kiss. He says there’s nothing between them. But actually, that’s a lie, because he can’t stop thinking about her, but he’ll get over it, so Lauren shouldn’t quit because of him. He promises he’ll get over it. Laurel says, “What if I don’t want you to get over it?” And I still don’t care about this relationship at all. So they make out and… maybe fuck on the porch of 12 Grimmauld Place.

Mari: Either that or those were some super magical kisses.

Sweeney: I do not comprehend the 0 to LET’S FUCK that just happened right there. Illogical character motivations do a lot of damage to my ability to get behind the relationships you’re schilling, show. The show seems to think that, “BECAUSE FEELINGS!” explains all. It does not.

Diva: Half of the characters who fuck each other hardly seem to like each other, but not enough that they’re having hate-sex. Just enough so that none of this makes much sense.

Rebecca at the market, looking for mint chocolate chip because it’s Wes’s favorite. Detective Abs approaches her. He says he used to work for Philly PD and he knows she didn’t kill Lila. And both of them know who did. He wants her help catching him.

Upstairs at 12 Grimmauld, Sam tells Annalise to turn off her brain and go to bed. They stroke each other’s faces for a minute, until Paris knocks on the door. Annalise answers the door in her sexy negligee like a badass. Paris very solemnly says the medical examiner’s office called, and the marks on Lila’s neck are ant bites, not fingernail scratches. Sam thinks that’s good news. But Paris is very hesitant to say the next part, which is that they missed something in the last autopsy – namely, Lila’s pregnancy. Annalise just stares at her husband.

Credits roll. O SHIT.

Here are some great #howtosnark Tweets from this week:

Thank you to everyone for tweeting along! Be sure to join us next week for #howtosnark (even if you’re watching a day or so behind – we’ll keep checking for tweets until the post goes live!)

Next time on How to Get Away with Murder: We get another Murder-of-the-Week, a surprise in Lila’s case, and some Lila-Sam backstory in S01 E08 – He Has a Wife.

 

DemocracyDiva (all posts)

I'm a J.D. by day/blogger by night who directs her snark and judgment primarily towards celebrities and their many red carpet mishaps. Blogging from the style capital of the world (just kidding - I live in DC), I rant and rave over the best and worst in fashion and pop culture.





Nicole Sweeney (all posts)

Nicole is the co-captain of Snark Squad and these days she spends most of her time editing podcasts. She spends too much time on Twitter and very occasionally vlogs and blogs. In her day job she's a producer, editor, director, and sometimes host of educational YouTube channels. She loves travel, maps, panda gifs, and semicolons. Writing biographies stresses her out; she crowd sourced this one years ago and has been using a version of it ever since. She would like to thank Twitter for their help.





Marines (all posts)

I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.





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