Previously: The magic plot twist second autopsy revealed that Lila Standgard was 6 weeks pregnant.
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He Has a Wife
Sweeney: This episode doesn’t begin with the improbable bonfire which by itself bums me out for the loss of the familiar. Even worse, it starts with people poking at Lila’s mottled corpse. So. Cool. We jump back 6 months earlier to June 2014 when Lila was still alive. She’s hanging out with Rebecca and speculating about whether her vagina’s going to be all, “Nope, access denied!” because she waited too long to have sex. It’s kind of adorable because while that’s total bullshit, this conversation is also so completely plausible. Rebecca wonders if the sex talk means that Griffin’s given up on that virginity pact and Lila confesses that she met someone whose identity she can’t reveal because, “He has a wife.” It pleases me to no end when the stars are earned by the people the episode is truly about.
Also, while I’m not yet sure I care much at all about Lila, I’m really glad she’s getting an episode. She was the victim of the most heinous of crimes here and her story gets lost in all the mystery. This is something I think about often while listening to Serial, where it’s worse because TRUE but it’s also a thing pervasive throughout mystery shows like this.
Marines: Besides, even if you want to just build the characters up around this murder, letting us know who Lila is is a damn good way to give context to your characters.
Democracy Diva: As soon as we jumped back in time to alive!Lila, I was happy she got the perspective-of-the-week treatment. And she even made me like Rebecca! A little.
Sweeney: Because Rebecca was with someone other than Wes. That’s basically the rule.
Back in the main timeline, we resume where the last episode ended. Paris Geller is about to leave Annalise to discuss the pregnancy revelation with her husband but Annalise tells her to stay because she assumes having a witness will keep him from lying to her again. I’m not sure I follow this logic, but OK. I think it’s more that she appreciates how Paris has to stand there squirming. (M: Misery loves company, I guess.) And so that Paris can listen as Annalise breaks it down: he lied about fucking Lila and about being at Yale the night of the murder, which appears to be news to Paris. Sam insists that he didn’t know that she was pregnant and it might not even be his. Annalise asks if Lila was a virgin when they first got together and he doesn’t actually answer that question – he just insists that he didn’t know about the pregnancy. Annalise asks if Paris believes him but she’s too busy trying to crawl out of her own skin to pay attention. (That’s what happens when you fuck the boss’s husband, girl.) Annalise storms into the bathroom, muttering about douchebags not wearing condoms.
MURDER CHALKBOARD!
In Annalise’s Lecture Hall for Plot Relevant Monologues, she talks about how sometimes people aren’t actually responsible for their actions, like her client of the week, Gretchen Thomas who took a sleeping pill that has led her to do all sorts of crazy ass shit while unconscious. And then Annalise rolls tape of Gretchen dragging her nanny’s corpse outside to hose down the mess. Annalise tries to liken this to that horrifying feeling of knowing you’re in a dream but being unable to wake up. But, like, there’s a very dead woman who would have called bullshit on that analogy. (M: A+)
Diva: As someone who has been prescribed Ambien, I had a good long laugh at this case-of-the-week because it is so not that far off from reality. I have been known to say some really weird shit about centaurs if I’m still awake forty-five minutes after taking one.
Sweeney: Spoiler alert: I did not enjoy this episode. It felt like a whole lot of bullshit through and through, with the “I murdered someone in my sleep” being the least bullshit element, so yeah, sure. I’ll roll with that.
Gretchen’s House. She’s too busy Stepfording to concentrate on the legal team in her kitchen. Annalise takes the phone from Gretchen and tells her to put her big girl pants on and focus. Gretchen tells Annalise that she’s changed her mind about taking the stand because if the jury wants to send her to prison she thinks they should because what she did was horrific. So, like, probably she didn’t do it then, right? That’s the plot twist we’re building towards? Her son stands in the doorway cold and kind of on team “send her to prison.” Calling it right now that the son is a red herring and the dad did it.
12 Grimmauld. Paris passes out files to the members of Dumbledore’s Army explaining that without Gretchen to go on the stand, her family will have to testify. Once she leaves, Michaela finally complains out loud about how this insane arrangement means that they’re doing all sorts of free labor while falling behind in all their classes. GO FIGURE. Michaela tells Asher that if he mentions the trophy again she’ll bash his face in it, you know, because someone’s face probably did get bashed in with it. Asher doesn’t mention it but instead gloats about how he’ll get to go to the improbable bonfire. You know, because he actually won’t and they will. Connor suggests to Wes that they study together because Wes takes notes and Connor has adderall, making them an unbeatable team. (D: This show is mostly terrible at reflecting anything remotely resembling the law school experience, but that really is an unbeatable study group.) Paris comes out to call Wes into Keating’s office and Connor invites Laurel into the magic study group.
Mari: This whole scene was a bunch of THINGS FALLING INTO PLACE with all the less-than-subtle nods and the shaping up of the group that would eventually murder. I wanted to be a little more excited about it, but I think it tried too hard.
Sweeney: In Keating’s office she tells Wes about the pregnancy, explaining that the bullshit plot twist autopsy was needed to detect the pregnancy because the first one showed no signs of sexual trauma so they didn’t bother to check the uterus. Whatever, show. Annalise says that in a couple days the cops will release their report and DNA check Griffin to see if the baby is his, which they both know it isn’t. She’s telling him because she’s learned her lesson about keeping secrets, but begs him not to tell Rebecca because she fears it will make her “act out.” Wes agrees.
Naturally, we cut to Wes telling Rebecca about the baby and about Annalise asking her to keep it a secret. Rebecca wants to go straight to the cops, but Wes reminds her that if something goes wrong with that plan, she’s still on trial and also out a lawyer.
Continuing the chain of people doing exactly what you ask them not to: Rebecca meets Detective Abs in the dark.
Mari: I still don’t get why anyone keeps calling him. He might have dem abs, but his eyes say, “I want to destroy innocent things.” I wouldn’t trust this guy at all.
Diva: They definitely shouldn’t meet him in the dark. How are they even going to see dem abs?
Sweeney: They’re going about everything all wrong.
She knows why she wants his help but she’s not sure why he’s doing it. He says he lost his job because of this case so it’s personal for him too. Rebecca accepts that answer and tells him that Lila was pregnant, asking if that’s the smoking gun evidence they need to tie the case to Sam. He asks her if she can get a sample of Sam’s hair so that he can have someone else run the DNA. If it’s a match, the investigation will pivot and her case will probably go away.
Flashback to July of 2014. Rebecca and Lila meet on the roof. Rebecca’s there to drop of drugs for Lila to sell but she sits down to have a drink and listen to Lila gush about her first time and how safe Sam made her feel. While they’re sitting there, Lila gets the incriminating penis-on-a-dead-girl’s-phone text. Rebecca cracks dick jokes. (M: Like a good friend should.) (S: The very best.)
Diva: She couldn’t have just waited until she needed to go to 12 Grimmauld for normal case-related (or at least Wes-visiting) reasons, so as not to seem so ridiculously suspicious? What’s the point of having the law office and the potential murderer’s home be the same location unless you can snoop around for clues while doing lawyer-y things?
Sweeney: Rebecca is so used to being all-around shady that I don’t think she understands that there are non-shady ways to do things.
Dumbledore’s Army Interrogation Sequence: Gretchen’s son found her mom hosing off the nanny and confirms that she was, indeed, asleep. Her husband says he didn’t see her take the pill, but knows she did. Her mother confirms the took-it-every-night, adding that she was “like a drug addict” which is total A+ character witness material right there! She’s kind of precious, though, schooling Michaela with her vast lessons from watching Court TV. Given that they never attend actual classes, that probably makes her more qualified to comment on legal matters than any member of Dumbledore’s Army. Gretchen’s daughter jokes that grandma’s maybe secretly guilty.
Out in the halls, Michaela’s having an angry conversation with her fiance over that surprise pre-nup that it turns out she didn’t actually sign. Annalise storms out and yells at Connor (who was assigned to the son) for being incapable of doing anything productive when he’s not screwing evidence out of someone. Maybe if he was allowed to attend the law school he’s surely spending lots of money on he might be better at his unpaid job. Just a theory. Paris tries to defend him and gets chewed out for also failing to do her own job of warning Annalise about what’s coming. “And in return I tolerate your pathetic mousy presence in my house.” Ouch.
Diva: Also, SHE TRIED TO NOT BE A PART OF YOUR EXTREMELY INTIMATE CONVERSATIONS WITH YOUR HUSBAND AND YOU FORCED HER TO STAY. You cannot have it both ways, Annalise.
Sweeney: 12 Grimmauld. Michaela is eating this shit up, lording the situation over Connor. Bitch move. Connor counters that he’s not worried about his grade because he’s got a copy of last year’s exam that he’s going to share with his new study group. They gleefully offer up their notes (Wes) and outlines (Laurel). Michaela tries to get in on study group but Connor tells her to fuck right off.
Laurel gets a call from Frank and runs out of the room. I started to yell at her for not adhering to secrecy advice your average 16-year-old would know with her shirtless contact photo, but it’s actually something Frank did because the possibility of getting caught makes it more fun for him. What an asshole. Anyway, this is a basic booty call. Laurel goes to relive some pre-exam stress in the back of Frank’s car.
In Annalise’s office, Asher sucks up to Paris a little, telling her not to let the verbal beating get to her because “she’s the one that sucks.” Alsoooo he wants to get off a little early the next day because he’s having some people over for drinks and she’s invited. She says he can leave early but offers no comment on the invite.
Sam enters the house and Paris goes to the kitchen to talk to him about Lila. She starts to say something about the night Lila was killed but stops short when Annalise opens the door, pointedly asking if Paris needed her for something. Paris says no and runs off. Sam follows Annalise back into her office where she’s about to do some more drunk emoting. Sam mentions Rebeccan coming by the house, wondering if she now knows about the pregnancy. Annalise sits down on her couch and says that she’s about to lose this case because all she can think about is her husband with that girl. Annalise heartbreakingly says that this what she gets for sleeping with another woman’s husband – becoming so sad and barren that a dead girl is more appealing. Sam says it’s his fault they broke, vowing to make it right.
Mari: I’m having a hard time feeling for a lot of these characters, but occasionally, Viola Davis makes me think I care about Annalise. She’s truly a difficult character to hang onto. No one wants to be cheated on… and yet she met him by cheating and also was cheating with Detective Abs, so…
Diva: Viola Davis’s acting talent transcends writing and characters. She could make me care about a paper bag.
Sweeney: This episode is dangerously testing the limits of that theory.
August 2014. Rooftop. Lila’s crying because Sam wants to end it. Lila had been planning to break up with Griffin but hadn’t yet and had now changed her mind. She’s decided that he was right about the virginity pact and is essentially admitting to the pregnancy with her silence. I’m not sure if Rebecca’s really just that devoid of social cues (which is plausible) or if she knew all along and didn’t say anything. Lila doesn’t want to talk about it but she doesn’t want to be alone, so Rebecca sits with her and holds her hand. As usual, Rebecca is infinitely more likable when she’s not with Wes.
In the main timeline, she sits in bed reflecting on that night, I guess. She calls Detective Abs to say that she wasn’t able to get the hair but says she might have a better idea because surely there’s still evidence on Sam’s phone. I mean, the fact that he even waited for Annalise to find his texts before deleting them all shows a level of arrogance or stupidity, but also, Rebecca should know that Annalise would have done something about that by now. Girl redid their wallpaper for fuck’s sake.
Gretchen’s House. Connor goes to talk to Gretchen’s son. He confesses that his first time was at age 14 with someone who was 18 (this episode is the statutory rape gift that keeps on giving, no matter how politely you beg it not to) and all the sex was really great until she ended it. He says he was really angry when the happened and the son cuts him off because he knows Connor is gay and he didn’t kill the nanny, regardless of how imperfect their relationship was.
12 Grimmauld. Connor comes back to lament that all he learned was that the nanny gave Gretchen’s son a gnarly STD. Who the fuck is this kid? “No, I didn’t kill her. I mean, she gave me an STD, and in my head telling you thing 1 leads naturally and effortlessly in to thing 2.” Michaela hears this and, equally as conveniently, though considerably more believably, she happens to have been pre-med as an undergrad. She immediately guesses the STD in question because she remembers coming across the pill that treats it when she was searching the medicine cabinet.
In court the next day, the husband is on the stand. He reveals that adding wine to her sleeping pill would make Gretchen unwakable. Annalise then drops the bomb that he had been treated three months earlier for the “flaming penis” (Connor’s words) STD, as a result of fucking the nanny. The day the nanny died his son had come to him about his own case of flaming penis and his affair with the nanny, a fact which made him ragey jealous. Annalise then replays the night of the murder, noting that Gretchen drank the wine largely at his insistence so she’d be blackout drunk when he killed the nanny. He then showed the mess to his wife, knowing she’d tried to clean it up. He’s silent and then apologizes. BOOM. Stupid plot is stupid, but let’s all remember what’s important here: I win at TV.
Mari: Definitely the best part of this plot was the one sentence where you guessed correctly out of the gate. I don’t know what to tell you, How to Get Away With Murder. Maybe just hire Sweeney, or something.
Diva: You just made this entire episode worthwhile, Sweeney. That was awesome.
Sweeney: Thank you. I’m here all week. And all the weeks after that because we’re never actually allowed to leave Snark HQ.
Later, Gretchen is furious with Annalise because she wasn’t hired to destroy her family. Annalise calmly tells her that the burn she’s feeling is a result of her husband’s unforgivable breech of trust because SHE KNOWS THAT LIFE. I’d say it’s mostly the flaming penis she’s been fucking, but yeah, sure, the trust thing too.
12 Grimmauld Place. Michaela badgers Annalise about the trophy but Annalise has no fucks to give about her stupid, illogical trophy. When they enter, Michaela has a visitor: her fiance’s mother.
Mari: Played by Lynn Whitfield who has been a ton of stuff, but was also one of the Cheetah Girls’ mom…
Sweeney: I LOOKED HER UP TOO AND COULDN’T DECIDE HOW YOU WOULD ALL FEEL IF I REFERRED TO HER AS THAT. So I said nothing. I’m so pleased by this moment.
At dinner, she makes snide remarks about the bonfire and Michaela’s decision to attend a “sports-driven university.” Mrs. Walker goes on about how her and her husband built their company from the ground up and it’s important that at the end of the day it continues to belong to him. Things get heated as Michaela refuses to sign the pre-nup because she plans on staying married for the rest of her life. Mrs. Walker tells her to sign the document or get sent back to the swamp she came from. Michaela tries to slap her but she’s too quick for that and grabs Michaela’s hand and leaves, telling her that at least now she knows she was right about Michaela. All I really learned from this scene is that they’re both kind of terrible people. (M: Same.)
Frank’s Apartment. Laurel and Frank are all over each other before they even get in the door. They collapse on the floor and are interrupted by a woman: Frank’s girlfriend. She came by to surprise him. Mission accomplished! She calls a very uncomfortable Laurel the “student of the month.”
12 Grimmauld. Paris stands on the porch watching students be raucous. Sam’s on his way out (where the hell are you going? It’s night time. You’re a grown up. It’s no pants o’ clock!) and stops to ask Paris what’s up. “I met Lila on the night she was killed.”
August 29: Lila pounds on the door to 12 Grimmauld Place, sobbing, phone in hand, begging to see Annalise about her husband. Paris steps out on the porch, insisting that Annalise isn’t home and that Lila needs to leave or have the cops called. What the fuck, Paris? I’m so over your shit today. Like, calling you Bonnie Winterbottom levels of over your shit.
Mari:
Diva: 1430s all around, for the Bonnie Winterbottom comment and the reaction gif.
Sweeney: Lila agrees to go, but tells Bonnie to be sure to pass the message along to Annalise because he can’t keep this secret any longer. Well, as it turns out, a little longer. But whatever.
Main timeline. Bonnie makes it clear to Sam that she knows he knew, asking him to be real with her. She says it’s not Annalise asking, but her. Sam wants to know what good it would do to tell Annalise now. He swears he didn’t do anything, but that they both know this would devastate Annalise. Then he starts making moves on Bonnie, whispering about how he needs her now. Blergh.
After the commercials, Bonnie’s crying and talking to Annalise, telling her everything we just learned that she knew. OK, girl, this is going a long way. I’m not sure I’m ready to re-promote you to Paris Geller status, but I’ll think about it. Bonnie says she didn’t know what good it would do and didn’t believe he could do it. She kneels on the floor and sobs, begging for the forgiveness of the great Viola Davis. Bonnie says that he kissed her so that he she’d lie. “He thought he was finally giving me what I wanted.” Oh. Wait. Does this mean that they weren’t fucking? She went to the mat for some guy she merely had a crush on? Shit, Bonnie. Still, her sobs are giving me feels. Annalise is quiet for a bit and then decides to fire Bonnie. Telling her to leave and not come back. I… what? Really? Am I supposed to hate everyone right now?
Sweeney: Definitely seems like more of the latter to me. Annalise’s whole operation is a fucking shame held together by Viola Davis’s glorious arms and emotions, so the idea that Bonnie’s occasional mistake somehow merited her termination just doesn’t fly with me. This was bullshit. Like everything else in this episode. I can’t stop saying it. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.
Detective Abs gives Rebecca a flash drive, telling her to copy all the stuff from Sam’s laptop, insisting that even if Sam wiped his phone, he was probably stupid enough to not wipe old backups from his laptop. K, whatever. She gets out of the car just as Wes happens to be walking by. They exchange dramatic zoomy glances.
In his apartment, Rebecca says she just wanted to be the one doing the right thing for once, the one sticking her neck out. Wes interjects angrily that she was working with Annalise’s boyfriend, a fact he could have told her if she’d come to him. Wes figures that Annalise doesn’t do anything without a plan and speculates that telling him about Lila’s pregnancy and then sending her boyfriend to Rebecca is totally some shit she’d do. Ooof. He’s missing a key detail, but he’s also not wrong to think that. I hate misunderstanding plots 99% of the time, but this is actually a decent one. Then there’s some less-good boring shit about their relationship and trust issues that is thankfully interrupted by Connor’s arrival.
Mari: I think it works because there really is no way Wes could or should know about the break-up and subsequent events. Misunderstanding plots are the worst when they could easily, easily be fixed by two people who should share certain words NOT SAYING THOSE WORDS. This is not that.
Sweeney: And then we cut to Asher’s apartment for more of his glorious pre-game mirror moves. There’s a knock on his door and it’s Michaela. He’s stunned that she’s there and she wonders at nobody else being there yet. Aw, this is kind of sad. Asher goes to a drink and tries to make excuses for why nobody has showed up. While he’s doing that, she’s scanning the place for the trophy. She leaves with it before he returns with the drinks. Aww, man. I know Asher’s a total douche who I’d never like in actual life, but that’s still cruel. Fuck Michaela.
Diva: I liked this scene, because I actually thought Michaela was there to have revenge-sex with him because she was mad at her fiancé, but nope, she just wanted the trophy. That was hilarious to me. Also, I love Asher the character because I know and despite the real-life law school Ashers. But none are as funny or as good at striptease dancing as he is.
Sweeney: Wes’s Apartment. Laurel comes over and has clearly been crying but lies about hayfever and cold and whatever. (KIDDING – HAYFEVER IS NEVER A LIE AND IS ALWAYS A REAL AND VALID EXCUSE.) (M: ALSO, THE COLD MAKES ME CRY.) Wes tries to get Rebecca to turn down the music in her apartment and Connor guesses, accurately, that she’s not even there and is using the music to throw him off. He goes back to his desk and sees that the USB she had is gone. Wes asks if there’s a car.
12 Grimmauld Place. Sam comes home to find Annalise sitting on the steps on the phone. She hangs up and tells him that she was just talking to the DA. Given the pregnancy reveal, she thinks they should request samples from all the men in Lila’s life, including her teachers. END.
I didn’t like this episode mostly because I hate everyone right now and not even Viola Davis’s amazing acting can offset the fact that nobody is behaving in ways that make sense. That rare effective misunderstanding plot is about the only thing where I was all, “Yes, characters are having thoughts that make sense.” And those were blatantly false thoughts! I’m glad we’ve finally caught the main timeline up to the improbable bonfire, though, and I’m a little jealous that Mari’s now going to get a full episode of improbable bonfire after I was cheated out of my improbable bonfire opener! Such is life.
Mari: It took me way too long during my watch to realize this was actual, improbable bonfire night. And that was really cool for all of two seconds before someone did something that pissed me off. This whole show is plagued by its unlikable characters right now. Those that are better are boring and those that are interesting are impossible to root for. There is no one I care enough about at this point to really justify why I would keep watching this. You know, in real life. THANKS BLOGGING.
Diva: I still care about Viola Davis and Paris Bonnie. And Asher’s dancing. The rest of them are bullshit.
Sweeney: It’s exhausting because I could deal with unlikable characters if the characters made any fucking sense. It’s the fact that everything is driven so heavily by plot twists and turns than any attempts at characterization are sabotaged from the outset. I’m so very over it and glad that the next episode is the last one before the holiday break.
Here’s what you all thought of the episode on Twitter:
They took away our weekly bonfire. RUDE #howtosnark
— Ryan (@meatloafbandit) November 15, 2014
Yeah, don’t ask Dean Thomas to keep secrets. He’s a Gryffindor. #HTGAWM #HowToGetAwayWithMurder #howtosnark
— GFM (@girlfrmmars) November 15, 2014
This sex scene would be so much better if Frank turned into Glory halfway through. #howtosnark #HowToGetAwayWithMurder #crossovermagic
— Democracy Diva (@democracydiva) November 15, 2014
BADGERING MY WITNESS. ONLY I CAN BADGER PEOPLE, DAMMIT. #howtosnark #HowToGetAwayWithMurder
— Mari (@mynameismarines) November 14, 2014
Right after saying knowing your mistress was carrying your baby will upset your wife, you kiss another woman who isn’t your wife #howtosnark
— Ifeoluwa (@Ifeoluwahan) November 16, 2014
Don’t forget to join us with the #howtosnark hashtag for the last episode before the winter hiatus! As always, we’ll keep checking for new tweets up until the episode goes live!
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