Previously: We met the Ninth Doctor. We lost the Ninth Doctor.
—
The Christmas Invasion
Marines: First, there is a mini-episode that connects The Parting of the Ways with The Christmas Invasion, which you can watch here. Mostly it’s Rose asking this new Doctor who he is. It’s a single shot, tight scene that looks like it was filmed like this: Hey. No one move! Read this script real quick! We’re gonna shoot it in five. And I mean that it in the nicest way possible, as I think this was aired to benefit charity… Point is that the acting is a bit off and it is a strange introduction to David Tennant’s Doctor. I watched this and at the end yelled, “BRING BACK ECCLESTON.”
Kirsti: Whereas, you know, I watched it after I’d already seen all of Ten and I squealed.
Mari: Oh, no, I mean I just watched this. I’ve already seen all of Ten too, and I still thought that was weird.
We start in SPACE in case you forgot that was a thing. Then we quickly rush down to earth and straight to a Christmas decoration. Jackie Tyler hangs it on her very ugly tree (K: SO UGLY OMG) then stares at a Christmas gift for Rose longingly. In an auto shop, Mickey yells at his mates to turn off some music and to stop their general ruckus. He hears the vworp of the TARDIS and he runs out of the garage. Jackie, in her apartment, hears it as well and runs outside.
Sweeney: I’m assuming it’s some weird friend-of-a-friend TARDIS magic that enables them to hear this. I imagine it’s gotta create some awkward shit for them, kind of like Veronica’s frequent staring off into space for her lengthy flashbacks. You can only pull a “Turn that down so I can hear the noise only I can hear!” so many times before you start to get some very aggressive side eye. And maybe a pink slip to boot.
Mari: You know, I’ve never paid a lot of mind to this, mostly because I figured it was less about being able to hear it as much as know it what it means. Like maybe someone else might hear it, but would think, “what the heck is that? Oh well.” Where as Jackie and Mickey know it means, “RUN! YAY!” Or.. um, #magic.
Jackie and Mickey find each other, so excited that Rose is coming home. They look up into the sky, waiting for the TARDIS to appear. It does and crashes into several buildings and a van before it lands. David Tennant pops out as soon as it lands, still wearing Nine’s leather jacket.
K: I love that they always have the regenerated Doctor wearing his old iteration’s clothes, and that they’re too big or too long or too SOMETHING. It’s a nice juxtaposition of the past and the future.
Mari: He identifies Jackie and Mickey and tries to remember something important he had to tell them, rambling and using them to keep himself standing. It comes to him: Merry Christmas. Then, he promptly passes out. Rose disembarks and she does not look impressed with this whole regeneration thing, or with that landing for that matter. Mickey and Jackie are all, “the hell’s Eccleston?” Rose is all, “I KNOW RIGHT?” but as it is, they are looking at the Doctor. Jackie, in her confusion, asks, “Doctor who?”
HAPPY FIRST SHOTS OF SERIES TWO.
Sweeney: MY FAVORITE PART! FOLLOWED IMMEDIATELY BY MY OTHER FAVORITE PART!
Mari:
The Doctor is now in pajamas and in bed. Jackie stole a stethoscope from a neighbor (WTF) and asks why they just don’t take him to the hospital. Rose explains that they’d dissect him. One bottle of his blood could change the human race. Rose makes sure both the Doctor’s hearts are still working and Jackie’s mind stays in the gutter when she asks if he has two of anything else. The ladies leave him to rest and we watch as a stream of yellow-orangey-rengeneration-light escapes from his mouth and travels into space. I’m not going to lie: it looks rather sperm-like as it swims away in space, so maybe I’m the one who is gutter minded.
K: When it hits space, it looks to me more like a The More You Know star. But yeah, there’s a sperm like quality to it.
Sweeney: I had not observed this sperm-like quality. So, yeah, I’m going to say that’s on you.
Mari: Thanks, friend.
In the kitchen, Jackie asks Rose if it’s the same Doctor with a different face or a completely different man. Rose snaps that she doesn’t know. She recovers and with tears in her eyes says she thought she knew the Doctor and then he goes and does something like this. She keeps forgetting he isn’t human.
To change the subject, Rose asks where her mom got a man’s pajamas from. Jackie admits that Howard from the market has been sleeping over some. She starts to tell the story of how that came about, but Rose hears Harriet Jones’s voice coming from the telly and walks out on her mom. Harriet Jones is now Prime Minister and things are going swimmingly. They are calling it Britain’s Golden Age. The newscast is about the Guinevere One space probe. A man named Llewellyn takes the microphone and waxes poetic on their travels into the stars.
Out in space, the probe hits an asteroid looking thing. A tunnel opens and the probe is sucked inside.
K: Womp womp. All that time and millions of pounds down the drain.
Sweeney: TYPICAL BIG GOVERNMENT WASTE, HURTLING MILLIONS (probs billions) OF MONIES INTO SPACE VORTEX BLACK HOLE SCIENCE TRASH CANS.
Mari: Rose and Mickey are shopping together and he gets upset when she won’t stop talking about the TARDIS. Rose said it must drive him crazy and it’s a wonder he waits for her. Mickey: That’s the thing, isn’t it? You can rely on me. I don’t go changing my face. NICELY PLAYED, SIR. (I mean, you also don’t have a blue time/space travel box, so.) (S: Valid counterpoint, but he got a slow clap from me all the same. Good work.) At the reference to the Doctor, Rose starts worrying again. Mickey begs her to stop, and just be in the Christmas moment with him. She is for approximately 3 seconds before she notices something off. There are a group of Santa Clauses with creepy masks on. For a while, they are just playing their brass instruments until their instruments become flame throwers and suddenly there is chaos.
K: The creepy Santas freak me out so stinking much OMG. I mean, I have issues with people wearing masks/cartoon character costumes at the best of times. When there’s a creepy element to it, it’s SO MUCH WORSE.
Mari: Rose and Mickey run for a cab. She tries to phone her mother, but Jackie is on the other line. She walks into the Doctor’s room and sets down a cup of tea. Once she’s gone, more Regeneration Sperm escapes the Doctor’s mouth. Rose and Mickey bust into the apartment. Rose hangs up the phone for her mother and they quickly start trying to figure out where they can go for safety. Jackie starts to fight, but Rose has noticed something else. First the Santas, and now, a Christmas Tree. It’s much larger and prettier than the one Jackie had before and Rose asks where she got it. Someone left it on Jackie’s doorstep and she assumed it was from Rose.
K: Oh, Jackie… *headdesk*
Sweeney: The naive friends/family are a staple of shows like this. Many a plot/show couldn’t happen without them. A toast to all the fictional people who know about but can’t seem to quite get that they live in a sci fi/fantasy universe!
Mari: I think I forgive Jackie because it’s not like this particular univsere has set a precedence for nefarious foliage or evil Christmases. Plus, Jackie belongs to this universe in a sense. She’s always protected and removed from the action. OR MAYBE I JUST LIKE CHRISTMAS TREES AND WOULD’VE BROUGHT IT IN TOO.
The tree starts to spin violently. destroying the coffee table. Mickey pushes the ladies out of the room and grabs a chair to try and keep the killer tree back.
K: I appreciate that it festively plays “Jingle Bells” while is destroys the flat.
Mari: Jackie makes for the front door but Rose runs for the Doctor. There is the kind of yelling and confusion you’d expect if suddenly your tree became a murderer. Rose finds the sonic screwdriver and puts it in the Doctor’s hand. She leans close to the Doctor and asks him to help.
Doctors aren’t allowed to have sick days.
K: They ARE allowed to have fabulous hair though. Hello, Tennant.
Mari: Apparently up on his feet again, the Doctor wonders who was controlling the murder tree. The Doctor leads them outside to the balcony as he puts on a robe. Down on the street, three Santas stare up at them. The Doctor points his sonic screwdriver. After as tense a moment as you can get between some Santas and a screwdriver, the Santas teleport away. Mickey asks what kind of creatures are scared away by a screwdriver. The Doctor says they are pilot fish and collapses. Rose woke him up too soon and he’s still regenerating. And it’s that regeneration light that led the pilot fish straight to them.
The Doctor says he needs something, and he struggles to get it out, mostly because Jackie keeps suggesting things and won’t let him talk.
The Doctor says they don’t have much time. The Pilot Fish indicate something bigger he doesn’t get around to naming because he’s surprised by finding an apple in Howard’s robe. Jackie says Howard gets hungry in his sleep sometimes. I mean, don’t we all get hungry in our sleep? (K: Rose’s “WTF?” face over the apple and Jackie’s explanation is magical.) Anyway, the Doctor faints.
We cut to Rose patting his head with a washcloth. Mickey plugs in his laptop while Jackie prepares tea. Rose announces that the Doctor is down to just one heart. The TV’s on and the newscast says that after some confusion, they’ve regained contact with Guinevere One which will be transmitting live shortly.
Mickey’s got some website about Pilot Fish up and explains that they are tiny things that swim along big fish. He says it won’t be long before the sharks show up. Hey, speaking of which, the first images from Guinevere One are in and it’s a bunch of aliens making angry noises.
Sweeney: Thanks for timing your arrival so nicely with Mickey’s Google searching, invading aliens!
Mari: News all around the world picks up the story of the “absolute proof” of alien life. Meanwhile, many important people arrive at UNIT, including Llewellyn. A Major Blake escorts Llewellyn to Harriet Jones. She flashes her ID, just like when we first met her, and introduces herself as the Prime Minister.
K: LOL. Oh, Harriet. Don’t ever change. I also snigger because when Llewellyn gets out of the car, he’s all “The fuck? Why am I at the Tower?”. Legit, dude. Legit.
Mari: Harriet says they’ve already put out a cover story about the aliens being a hoax. Unfortunately, the signal was real and it featured a species of alien they’ve never encountered before. Llewellyn looks at her all, “SAY WUH?” because she’s talking about aliens like they are real. Harriet smirks at him. “There’s an act of Parliament banning my autobiography.”
K: Mostly I’m distracted by her assistant because IT’S ADAM GARCIA!! You guys are probably more likely to know him as Piper Perabo’s love interest in Coyote Ugly, but I know him from the Australian movie, Bootmen. Which you should all watch immediately because it’s fabulous and he tap dances.
Sweeney: I did not know him at all BUT OH MY GOD COYOTE UGLY. I’m the last to settle on a 2015 #snarkathon film and I feel like a new, magical option is presented to me each week.
Mari: A blonde lady named Sally joins them and explains that the signal they are receiving is actually coming from above the planet. Llewellyn asks if maybe they aren’t dealing with Martians, then, and Major Blake duhs him. “Martians look completely different.” So, Guenivere One is on a ship heading toward them, and coming very fast.
Mickey is hacking into a military database (I guess you don’t forget the password “buffalo”) and sees that they are tracking a spaceship, headed straight for them. Rose wonders what it’s coming for. The Doctor? Mickey suggests it’s coming for all of them. Four Angry Noise Aliens appear on screen and start clucking out their language. Mickey asks if Rose has ever seen them before. She hasn’t.
At UNIT, Major asks Alex to get the translation software running.
Rose is upset because usually, the TARDIS translates alien languages for her in her head. Mickey asks why it isn’t doing it now. Rose: I don’t know. Must be the Doctor. Like he’s part of the circuit, and he’s…he’s broken. I really think she doesn’t only mean because he’s sick, but because he’s changed. The Doctor is no longer her Doctor and nothing is working anymore.
K: I really like how much of this episode is dedicated to Rose’s insecurity now that the Doctor has regenerated. She doesn’t know what’s happening or how much he’ll have changed or if he’ll even still want her or if she’ll like who he’s become, and a lot of that stuff is stuff that the audience – those who didn’t grow up on Classic Who, anyway – are experiencing too.
Sweeney: It loses me on that count. Also on a few other counts, but the fact that I feel no attachment to Rose makes it hard for me to appreciate what she’s going through – especially since she expresses her insecurity in a way that comes across a little more BRAT than FEELS. (And, yes, I hear myself right now – I am reminded of my defensiveness of another highly maligned pop culture brat, my precious baby Dawn, and all I can say is that this is a purely subjective thing, to each her own, etc., etc.)
Mari: UNIT. Major Blake informs Harriet that the President is demanding to take control of the situation. She tells him to pass the message, in exact words, that he’s “certainly not turning this into a war.” (Interesting stance given what Harriet does later, but #spoilers.) Alex is busy working on that translation but it isn’t ready yet.
On the news, no one is buying the hoax cover story and NATO is on read alert. Jackie sits by the Doctor’s bed and begs him to wake up.
Harriet approaches Major Blake and asks if there’s been a “code nine.” UGH SOMEONE SAID NINE.
K: Nope. Still not ready for the use of that gif.
Sweeney: THE SCARS.
Mari: Major says there’ve been no Doctor sightings yet. Barring the Doctor, then, Harriet asks about Torchwood. She realizes that she’s not supposed to know about that, but if ever there was a time to use it, it’s now. Major B says he can’t take responsibility for that, but Harriet can and will.
Alex has finished his translation and brings it over: People (or else, cattle) you belong to us. To the Sycorax. We own you. We now possess your land, your minerals, your precious stones. You will surrender or they will die. Sycorax strong! Sycorax mighty! Sycorax rock! Llewellyn points out that they said, “they” will die and wonders who they are. Harriet’s response is that Earth does not surrender.
Jackie’s fallen asleep at the Doctor’s bedside and Rose and Mickey watch them. Rose is breaking down: The Doctor wouldn’t do this. The old Doctor. The proper Doctor. He’d wake up. He’d save us. Mickey looks down and half questions, half realizes that Rose really loved the Doctor. Rose turns around and hugs Mickey.
K: That line, “the proper Doctor”, gave me so many feels for Rose, but also a slight sense of annoyance because Rose is such a tiny part of his history and his story, yet she still thinks she knows exactly who he is. It’s meant to be another one of those audience-relating moments for first time viewers, but it still grates a little. I love Rose, but girl? You don’t get to decide who the Doctor is.
Sweeney: YUP. I mean, I didn’t actually think any of this until you pointed it out, but A+ point.
Mari: I’ll keep being the apologist, but I liked that. Up until today, Rose didn’t even know that the Doctor could change, so of course the man she’s spent however many months traveling with seems like the proper Doctor. It’s not like the Doctor changed his clothes and Rose is saying, “those aren’t you,” in which case she doesn’t get to decide! No, the Doctor JUST BECAME A WHOLE OTHER PERSON.
UNIT. The Rocking Sycorax have a response. The Leader sticks out his hand and it is wrapped in blue energy. Everyone tries to guess what it means. Sally’s covered in blue light and she isn’t the only one. Some of the UNIT staff start marching out of the room.This hypnotism isn’t confined to UNIT. We watch as it happens all across the city and the hear reports about it happening all over the world.
All the hypnotized people are climbing stairs, heading to roofs and positioning themselves right on the edges of buildings. Back at UNIT, Alex informs Harriet that one third of the population is affected. Mickey asks Rose, as they also stand on the roof, what they do. Rose says they do nothing. There is no one to save them.
UNIT. Alex says the pattern of hypnotized people is that they are family groups, but not husbands and wives. Llewellyn realizes something and asks for medical records for the staff. Harriet discreetly asks Major Blake about Torchwood, and he’s working on it.
Llewellyn pulls up Sally’s medical record and notes that she’s got A+ blood. Llewellyn explains that this is his fault. Guinevere One had a collection of things identifying the human race including water and wheat seeds and… blood. A vial of A+ blood. The Sycorax now have it in their possession and are somehow using it do control people. Harriet says she has one other thing she can try.
K: Okay, so I literally just went and did like 15 minutes of research on blood types because I was convinced that 30% statistic was bullshit. But apparently not. It’s like 31% in Australia, between 35 and 36% in the US and the UK, and a global average of 28.3% according to Wikipedia. Huh.
Carry on, show. Carry on.
Sweeney: Nice work all around.
Mari: We cut to Harriet making a televised public address. She looks to the side and asks about the royal family. She looks at the camera and says in a strained voice that they are on the roof. Harriet says that this is a unique and quickly worsening situation, but she’s asking that everyone remain calm. She does have one request: Doctor, if you’re out there, we need you. I don’t know what to do. If you can hear me Doctor, if anyone knows the Doctor, if anyone can find him, the situation has never been more desperate. Help us. Please, Doctor, help us.
Rose is overwhelmed and steps out of the living room as Harriet is still delivering her speech. In front of the Doctor’s room, she breaks down in tears. Jackie checks on her and she cries that the Doctor is gone and he left her. As Jackie embraces her, the windows in the living room are blown out. We see it happen a few more times before we cut to UNIT and Llewellyn helpfully announces that it’s a sonic wave, caused by the Sycorax ship entering the atmosphere.
K: BYE, GHERKIN. Also, it’s a miracle that no one FELL OFF THE ROOF GIVEN THAT TWO BILLION PEOPLE ARE STANDING ON ROOFS. Or, presumably, in trees or on cliff edges or something if they’re spending Christmas camping or live somewhere without high rise buildings…
Mari: After a prolonged look at the spaceship, Rose starts ordering Mickey and Jackie about, telling them they are going to carry the Doctor into the TARDIS and hide. She’s traveled with the Doctor and seen things, but without him, she is (or at least feels) useless. All that’s left is to run and hide.
UNIT. The Sycorax are broadcasting again and ask the leader of planet to step forward. Harriet does so and they teleport her, Major Blake, Alex and Llewellyn on board. One of the Sycorax steps forward and Llewellyn notes that he’s wearing a helmet, so maybe the aliens look like humans. The Sycorax with SAG card takes the helmet off and looks like bits of exposed muscle and bone.
K: Excuse you. You mean the *TAG* card.
Appropriately, I Googled “Britishness intensifies” and this was the first result.
(The Actor’s Guild of Great Britain, in case anyone was wondering)
ALSO. The Sycorax sans helmets remind me of a Buffy monster, and I can’t quite work out if it’s just a general vibe or if it’s a specific monster. HELP ME, TRAUMATEERS. YOU’RE MY ONLY HOPE. (Possibly the ones from Anne? IDK.)
Mari: Rose and Mickey struggle with carrying the Doctor down.
Sycorax with a TAG Card tells Harriet to surrender or else he’s going to release the final curse. Llewellyn steps forward because he thinks this whole thing is his responsibility. He begs for compassion and TAG Sycorax takes out a whip, like a Poor Man’s Whiplash, and murders Llewellyn’s face off.
Major Blake protests the death and promptly gets his face murdered off.
Harriet steps forward and asks how it would be better if she surrenders. Her choice is either half sold into slavery or one third dies.
Mickey and Rose finally get the Doctor into the TARDIS. Jackie offers up a cup of tea. Famous instances of tea here on Snark Squad: Giles and tea cozies. Ana offers the person trying to murder her some tea. (S: LOL I HAD FORGOTTEN THIS. #MEMORIES) Siobhan and her tea for every occasion.
K: Don’t forget Inara and her tea ceremonies!
Mari: Oh, and Adelle and her Deal is Almost Done Tea! Good times.
Jackie runs out to get the rest of the food and Mickey starts pressing buttons on the console. The Sycorax pick the signal and recognize it as foreign machinery. TAG Sycorax orders it brought on board and back on Earth, Jackie watches as the TARDIS teleport without her.
Rose realizes Jackie isn’t back and decides to go give her a hand. She steps outside and a Sycorax grabs her. Mickey hears her scream and drops the thermos of tea. He runs out and only barely manages to close the TARDIS door before he’s grabbed by a Sycorax as well. Inside, the spilled tea drips beneath the console and the machinery steams and sparks.
Harriet and Rose embrace when they see each other. Harriet asks if the Doctor is with her, and she says no. Her Doctor is gone and the current one is still taking a nap.
But wait! Smoke surrounds the Doctor as oooh-wooo-ooooh-oooh music starts up. He takes a deep breath and a little more Regeneration Sperm escapes his mouth.
TAG Sycorax calls Rose forward to speak for the planet because she came out of the “clever blue box.” Rose bravely does and then nervously delivers a speech that is infused with a lot of bits of pieces of things she’s probably heard the Doctor spout off. “According to article 15 of the Shadow Proclamation. I command you to leave this world with all the authority of the Slitheen Parliament of Raxacoricofallapatorius.” She name drops a few more species and ends very shakily. The Sycorax laugh. TAG Sycorax start Villain Speeching about how Rose is definitely going to die and stuff while Alex translates. Mid-speech, TAG Sycorax starts speaking English. Or really, they start hearing English. The TARDIS is working. The circuit is closed. Rose looks back at the TARDIS.
K: Any time I see this gif, my reaction is the same: “YES SO MUCH YES OH MY GOD, TEN MY BELOVED TEN *FLAIL*.” I may have fangirling issues.
Mari: I mean, a little bit.
TAG Sycorax uses his Poor Man’s Whip but the Doctor grabs it with his bare hands. He also breaks the TAG Sycorax’s staff, telling him to wait, because he’s busy. He happily greets Mickey and “Harriet Jones MP for Flydale North.” Seems all the Doctor needed was a cup of tea super heated and infused with TV! Science! and stuff. (S: I giggled. OK, show, you’re getting there.) He gets a little more serious as he asks how he looks. Rose gives a noncommittal, “different,” because what does it matter if a little rat like has replaced big eared? Ten is different than Nine and that’s what Rose cannot get over just yet.
The Doctor is pretty bummed when she tells him he’s not a ginger. He’s always wanted to be a ginger. No word on whether he’s ever wanted to be a woman or POC; ginger is probably closer in his future.
K: Sad but true. SIGH. This is as good a place as any for my patented rant – any time a new (white) Doctor is announced, people everywhere get all “Yeah, but the Doctor CAN’T be a POC or a woman because then travelling in history would be impossible!”. And my response is always the same: “Fuck you, there’s more to history than England and the US. Go to China, to India, to South America, to Japan in the age of samurai, to pre-contact Australia and the Rainbow Serpent myth. Go to Egypt or Rome, both of which had black or female leaders at some point.” But of course, it’ll never happen because that means that all the extras have to be POC as well, and that’s far too much like hard work. So instead of Idris Elba or Helen Mirren (both of whom I would kill to have as the Doctor) or any number of other fabulous contenders, we get an endless parade of white guys. Sigh. (Don’t get me wrong. I think all the actors we’ve had have done a brilliant job. It would just be nice to have someone…else)
Sorry. That was rather longer than anticipated…
Sweeney: I obviously come at this without any strong knowledge/opinions about this universe and the corresponding future-ness of your opinions, but I love you/this all the same.
No apologies, girl.
Mari: Rant well appreciated.
Harriet asks who the man is. He’s the Doctor, though she replies that he isn’t her Doctor. He insists he’s the same man with a new everything and shares some memories to prove this. The TAG Sycorax interrupts their story time and demands to know who he is. Hilariously imitating his growly voice, the Doctor says he doesn’t know. (S: I loved this moment. It’s a small little thing, but snaps for Tennant because after spending most of the episode thinking, “Maybe I will quit before the season’s over,” this was the point where I was all, “Wait, maybe not…” and I can’t even explain to you why I loved these 3 seconds so much.)
He starts down a list of things he could possibly be, walking up toward the Big Button of Doom. How’s this new man going to react to a great, big threatening button? He starts by investigating it and finds that it’s being powered by blood. HE TASTES IT like a crazy person and announces that it’s blood control. So, in addition to being the kind of man that tastes blood, he’s also the kind of man that likes to hit big threatening buttons. He does so and on Earth we see all the people on the roofs take a step forward, stop, and then be released from their hypnotism.
As it turns out, blood control is only a cheap trick. You can’t hypnotize someone to death because the survival instinct is too strong. Just nod and agree. (K: It’s a children’s show, guys. They were never going to kill two billion people.) TAG Sycorax says he still has an army and stuff. The Doctor appeals to him.
Sweeney: Moments! This whole scene is golden. It’s truly the diamond in the rough of an otherwise terrible episode.
Mari: The Doctor grabs a sword and challenges TAG Sycorax to a duel, for the planet. They fight and he looks a bit outmatched and also silly fighting in his jammies.
K: Weirdly, I think it’s his slippers that tip it over the edge into silliness for me. I’m not quite sure why jim jams are fine but slippers are silly, but there you have it. (Possibly because I’m used to seeing Harry and Neville and Ron and Hermione wandering around in their jim jams fighting monsters??)
Mari: They take the fight outside and TAG Sycorax manages to knock the Doctor down and chop off his hand. The falling hand and sword and then the empty sleeve of the pajamas made me laugh a lot. TAG Sycorax takes a second to Villain Gloat allowing the Doctor to stand and speechify, deciding that he’s a very lucky man.
K: “This new hand? Is a fightin’ hand!” never fails to make me laugh while shaking my head at how utterly stupid it is.
Sweeney: ME TOO! I LAUGHED! I’m almost always first in line for, “Nope, stupid,” with this show, but I laughed! And then I was so excited because it was like the 3rd or 4th time I’d laughed in a mere few minutes! Exclamation points!
Mari: The Doctor makes the Sycorax swear to leave the planet and never return in exchange for sparing his life. TAG Sycorax agrees. The Doctor turns back to his friends who celebrate his victory. Rose hands him back his robe and in the pocket he finds a satsuma. (K: Obviously. It’s Christmas.) He throws it about a bit and in the background we can see TAG Sycorax stand and start to charge toward the Doctor. Without looking back, the Doctor throws the satsuma at a large button by the door. The ground under TAG Sycorax’s feet, something like a landing pad, opens up and he falls to his death. “No second chances,” the Doctor sternly says. “I’m that sort of a man.”
Inside the arena proper, the Doctor addresses the rest of the Sycorax and delivers the speech Rose tried not to long ago. “By the ancient rites of combat, I forbid you to scavenge here for the rest of time. And when you go back to the stars and tell others of this planet, when you tell them of its riches, its people and its potential, when you talk of the Earth, then make sure you tell them this: it is defended. The music swells and our gang is teleported back to the Earth.
Mickey starts celebrating but the Doctor tells him to hold his horses. They watch as the Sycorax ship flies away, out of sight, and then Mickey resumes his celebrating which includes a cute, “yeah! It is defended!” Harriet calls the Doctor, “my Doctor” and they hug. She looks up to the skies and asks if there are many more up there. The Doctor says there are thousands of species and the human race is noisy and drawing attention. Jackie runs over and and hugs her daughter. They tell her all about the cup of tea so she can enjoy her, “I told you so!” She then asks the big question of the episode, if you haven’t noticed yet: Is it him, though? Is it really the Doctor? Everyone just smiles and shrugs.
Alex receives a message from Torchwood. They are ready. Harriet thinks for a moment and then gives the order to fire.
Green laser-killer-energy shoots up into space and obliterates the Sycorax ship.
K: MERRY CHRISTMAS, HAVE SOME GENOCIDE.
Sweeney: Well, shit, Harriet.
Mari: A little genocide after you said a children’s show wouldn’t kill two billion people…
The Doctor looks from the explosion to Harriet. He tells her through gritted teeth that that was murder. She argues that it was defense. They were leaving, but Harriet was worried the Earth’s milkshake would bring all the aliens to the yard, or whatever. The Doctor comes and goes, you know. And today she got very close to tasting what would happen if he wasn’t around. Major Blake and Llewellyn died right in front of her while he was sleeping. The Doctor says he gave them the wrong warning. “I should’ve told them to run and hide because the monsters are coming: the human race.” She felt she had to defend the human race and the Doctor feels he should’ve stopped her. She asks what that makes him. Another alien threat? He gets up close to her face tells her not to challenge him. He’s a completely new man, one that could bring down the government with a single word. Harriet calls his bluff so he’s all, “alright. Six words.”
He walks back to where Alex is and whispers to him, “don’t you think she looks tired?” He walks away with Jackie, Mickey and Rose. Harriet panics and insists on knowing what he said. She whispers “I’m sorry” but he’s gone already.
Sweeney: Ah, yes, good, take her down with a little bit of casual sexism. Great!
Mari: Montage time! This time of the Doctor going through the TARDIS wardrobe while in the Tyler apartment, Christmas dinner is being served.
K: I stop to squee a little bit, because Four’s scarf is in the frame in that second gif, and I’m pretty sure that there are a couple of Six references in there too. Which means there are probably more Doctors that I’m not spotting. Have at it, Classic Who fans.
Mari: The Doctor joins the dinner party and everyone is having a great time. Rose spots Harriet on another telecast and this time she’s being bombarded by questions about whether she’s “fit” to stay in position. The Doctor puts glasses on and takes a closer look. There is something very icky about this, which is probably the point, but made worse by Harriet being a woman (K: YUP). I don’t know if that’s fair, but to think that one the day that to the eyes of the world, she successfully got rid of an alien threat swiftly and decisively, people would be judging her appearance? Meh.
Sweeney: It’s definitely made worse by Harriet being a woman. Observations about dude presidents going grey, for example, are never tied to their competency. “Don’t you think she looks tired?” only works because she’s a woman. It’s got a major ick factor.
Mari: Jackie gets a call from a friend who says they have to look outside. They all rush out there and it’s snowing. The sky is filled with shooting stars. The Doctor is a party pooper and says they are actually pieces of the space ship breaking up in the sky. The snow is actually ash. Rose asks what the Doctor is going to do next. He’s planning on just heading back to the TARDIS. They dance around their fears: that she wouldn’t want to go with him because he’d change; that he wouldn’t want her because he’d changed. He’d love for her to come, though, and she’d love to join him. In the background, Mickey sadly says that she’s never going to stay. Rose explains again that there is so much out there to see. This is like me trying to explain to my family why I like to travel. My mom Jackie says the travelers are crazy. (S: LOLOL A+)
The Doctor is excited to see it all with his new eyes and says it’s going to be DRAMATIC PAUSE fantastic. Get your own word, Ten! (Spoiler: he will.)
The Doctor reaches his Fighting Hand out to Rose and they watch the ash of dead aliens fall all around them.
Rose asks where they are going next and the Doctor points up in the sky. Smiles and happiness all around.
I really like that the main thing this episode did, which was take us along with Rose’s sadness, despair, uncertainty and then acceptance of the Doctor. It was a good way to get us on the path to transition, especially for a first time watcher who probably wasn’t quite yet accustomed to the concept of switching out Doctors. Ten took a bit to grow on me, but this was a good start, despite a bit of whackiness (duh, look at what we’re watching) and a slight touch of ickiness.
K: The first episode I ever saw was a Ten episode (Midnight, in case anyone cares), so Ten is most definitely my Doctor and I was thrilled to see him turn up the first time I watched the show right through. And even though this Christmas special is pretty ridiculous and has its ick-tastic moments, Rose’s uncertainty was really well done, and David Tennant – having been a Doctor Who fanboy from childhood – is clearly having the time of his life. So despite the ick and the creepy Santas and the regrowing hand of contrivance, I kind of love it.
Sweeney: I hated most of this episode, but I loved the 10% I didn’t hate. I can’t echo the sentiment that Rose’s uncertainty was well done and I’m not sure how much of that is the writing and how much of it is Billie Piper. I’d give the bulk of the credit for the 10% I loved to David Tennant, though partial points to the writers for the British Tea Magic.
Next time on Doctor Who: We start the season proper as Rose and the Doctor visit mankind’s home far in the future in S02 E01 – New Earth.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
Nicole is the co-captain of Snark Squad and these days she spends most of her time editing podcasts. She spends too much time on Twitter and very occasionally vlogs and blogs. In her day job she's a producer, editor, director, and sometimes host of educational YouTube channels. She loves travel, maps, panda gifs, and semicolons. Writing biographies stresses her out; she crowd sourced this one years ago and has been using a version of it ever since. She would like to thank Twitter for their help.
I'm a 30-something librarian and I still live with my parents because I'm super broke. Leader of Team Heartless Cow. I have an inexplicable love for 90s television, eat too much chocolate, and read more than is good for me.
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