Previously: Baby Batman’s crush blossomed, Falcone hosted the worst family dinner ever, and Jim Gordon went off to Good! Cop! at Arkham Asylum.
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Rogues’ Gallery
Sweeney: I have no idea what I did this weekend, except discover that procrastinating the watching of Gotham is an amazing way to make a weekend absolutely disappear. Somewhere in the procrastination fever dream of my weekend, I watched half a season of X-Men: The Animated Series because I was sick and decided to extend my Gotham-vacation.
But alas, even the best vacations must end.
Let’s do this.
Everyone at Arkham Asylum is performing a play and it’s bad, but then someone sings really nicely and we’re supposed to be moved. Imma let you finish, Gotham, but Orange is the New Black did inmate theater time and they had Uzo Aduba, so you should just go home. Anyway, quick cuts from outside Arkham show us that all over Gotham, people are super moved by this performance they can inexplicably hear. I don’t have to think about it for too long because shit goes crazy and patients rage out.
Later, Gordon is getting yelled at for letting yet another outbreak to happen. It’s a stern talking to that allows Mckenzie to relive his the-man-just-don’t-understand days in The OC. Jim monontones that the patient the doctor is yelling over needs medical attention. The nurse can’t provide it and for some reason neither can the yelling doctor because he’s got other important yelling to do.
Later, a lady doctor arrives and slaps the patient around a little and OH MY GOD IT’S DR. INARA. I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT THIS AND I AM SO HAPPY. I mean, sad for her that she’s here, but also happy because that little bit of shitty doctoring was also the most delightful 3 seconds this show has had in forever, amirite?
Marines: ABSOLUTELY. And really it was because for those three seconds I was squeeing and not really paying attention to the show. DR. INARA, LADIES AND GENTS.
Alex: YAY, INARA but also BOO, POOR INARA.
Sweeney: Dr. Inara carries on with her doctoring and introduces herself as Dr. Leslie Tompkins, who the Google tells me will be some sort of pseudo-parental figure for Baby Batman which, like, THANK GOD, because Detective Ryan Atwood and Street Fighter Alfred are doing their best, but their best isn’t very good. ANYWAY, Dr. Inara is usually in the female wing, where she’s heard some gossip about Gordon. She says that she thinks it’s admirable of him to keep on keeping on and not quit. They flirt a little and the patient groans for them to get a room and she gets back to work.
A second later, we see Cat climbing onto the balcony of Gordon’s apartment. That’s some impressive shit right there. Cat confirms that nobody’s home and escorts Ivy into the apartment. Ivy asks what they’ll do if the real people come home, but Cat assures her that the place is dusty and smelly so it’ll be fine. (A: So either Gordon’s living at the asylum now, or Barbara did all the cleaning) (S: Probably a little bit of both.) She tells her to STFU and lay down while Cat gets her a blanket.
At the wharf, Penguin is hassling some guy for money – more money than Maroni had initially said. These guys called the cops. Penguin blusters some about how he’s The Penguin and they own the cops, but the cops appear behind him and punch him out. Glad we’ve gotten so many punches in early!
Arkham. Gordon is making his rounds when one cell gives him pause. He calls out to the inmate in question – Jones – who does not answer. Gordon opens his cell and goes inside to find that he has a giant wound in his head. Gordon shakes him and basically just knocks him out of his chair and then stands there staring at him. Cool.
GOTHAM! LIGHTNING!
Dr. Inara explains that the wounds are electrode wounds and the guy was clearly given some sort of crude electroshock therapy. The yelling doctor comes in to, you know, yell some more. He blames Gordon for the fact that more problems happened on his watch. Gordon wants to call in GCPD because they don’t have the resources to investigate the matter, but Yells-A-Lot (his name is Gerry Lang, which is also a stupid name so I don’t know how to help you, buddy) wants to keep this in house. The patient might be brain dead, but he’s still breathing so he figures it’s NBD. There’s some blah-blahing about bureaucracy and reports, just to drive home that everybody is so! very! corrupt!
Mari: They are so evil, in fact, that watching this scene made me want to gouge my own eyes out! Good job, writers.
Alex: I have to admit that I was kind of painting my nails and only giving this episode half my attention at best, but yes, these people all suck.
Sweeney: Nice multitasking, girl.
Until, of course, after he leaves when we confirm that Dr. Inara is one of the good guys. But, like, with acting talent! And brains! She helpfully nudges Gordon’s investigation along: it requires (1) some basic knowledge of human anatomy (2) basic electrical knowledge -and- (3) door keys.
Mari: Dr. Inara is already doing Gordon’s job? That didn’t take long.
Sweeney: Gordon runs off to ask a weasely looking guard about his keys. Weasley Guard reluctantly confesses that he noticed that his keys were missing shortly after the fight. He has no idea who could have taken them, though. Gordon starts shouting at him to, “WALK AWAY.” I’m gonna do that all weekend when I see Mari in April. “You took the last piece of chocolate? WALK AWAY. WALK AWAY.”
Mari: This is just going to encourage me to take last pieces of cake and last glasses of wine, etc. I like it.
Sweeney: I did not think this through.
Fish Mooney’s Bar for Ambiguous Accents. Some other guys are there talking to Fish about how Maroni’s running shit now. Fish asks them about who they thing would likely be next in line if something happened to Falcone and one of the guys insists that he’s next in line. The scene ends with a closeup of Fish’s henchman looking very uncomfortable, probably from the secondhand embarrassment that comes with watching Fish.
Gordon is doing his detecting. He interrogates one inmate/patient (should I be deferring to one term over the other here? What’s Arkham Asylum protocol, guys?) (M: haha, “protocol”) (A: they definitely used ‘inmate’ throughout but it really didn’t sound right to me) who speaks in slow, sing-songy but lucid sentences. This man insists that he didn’t take anyone’s keys and we are sent into a montage of Gordon interrogating a series of far less stable, articulate people.
Alex: The heavy rock soundtrack over the montage of Gordon questioning all these unwell people was terrible, but consistent with the level of subtlety I’ve come to expect from this show.
Sweeney: It’s the sort of thing I would have giggled at, but I was busy typing.
We’re taken out of the montage with the final interviewee: Aaron, the axe-murderer. The nurse is now shadily at Aaron’s side, instead of Gordon’s, speaking for Aaron and insisting that Aaron is super honest and sweet and precious.
Clock Apartment. Cat sits on the balcony basking in the high life.
Fish’s Bar. Fish chats with her uncomfortable henchman about the politics of securing her position as Falcone’s next-in-line. The henchman eagerly volunteers to go talk to the guy who insisted he should be next in line and Fish questions his loyalty. He pinky promises that she’s got nothing to worry about, but then makes suspicious face at the Zoomy Cameraman on his way out.
Arkham. Another inmate is being electrocuted.
Gordon was sleeping on the job and wakes up to the sounds of the screams. He goes to investigate and finds an inmate banging on the gates. He turns the guy around and finds the same head wounds that the other guy had. I think it’s the same guy that told them to get a room. Dr. Inara notes that this guy is a little more functional than the first which could mean that the person is having better tactics or that their methods are just too haphazard for them to predict outcomes. Gordon gets real serious (LOL, JK, that’s his only setting) and tells her that she should stay on the female wing because he thinks that he was wrong to focus on the inmates – he should just be concentrating on the staff. Dr. Inara flirts with him a little about his assurance that it’s not her. Morena Baccrin is so fucking flawless. I forget what show I’m watching when she’s on screen. MOAR DR. INARA, PLZ. (M: +1)
Gordon tells Gerry his theory about it being a member of the staff and Gerry’s super pissed. He also thinks that Gordon is trying to force him into calling the cops, but Gordon says that he already did. Because he’s a rebel, y’all. (M: Woah-woah-woah. Only because he’s a GOOD! GUY!)
Sexytimes Hotel. Montoya comes back to tell Barbara she needs to wake up. Maybe this isn’t a hotel. I have no idea where they are. The decor is weirdly stuffy and formal for anyone their age, but then that would be based on an assumption that I have any idea when this show is taking place. Barbara sits up to receive coffee from Montoya who asks if Barbara has spoken to Gordon but Barbara says she’d have no reason to because she’s over him. Montoya hesitates for a minute and then basically gives her the, “It’s not you, it’s me…” except actually it totally is Barbara, because Montoya calls their relationship toxic and basically says that it will (did?) cause her to relapse. They fight and Montoya steals Barbara’s storming out thunder by telling her that she’ll go. Rude. You can’t dump a girl and rob her of the right to storm out dramatically. That shit is cathartic.
Mari: I’m surprised anyone would pass up the chance to kick Barbara out of anywhere.
Alex: Of all the things I don’t care about in this show, Barbara and Montoya must be the thing I care the very least about. Just marry Dr. Inara already, Jim, and leave these two idiots to bore and annoy each other forever.
Sweeney: I’m torn between, “YES, THIS!” and, “But, he doesn’t deserve her!” But also, we deserve more Dr. Inara, so I’ll stick with the first position.
Arkham. Bullock arrives as the cop on the scene, because calling Harvey is probably what Gordon mostly meant. Bullock is taking stock of the victims when Gordon and Gerry enter. Bullock bros out with Gordon for a second, talking over that asshole Gerry.
Gerry tries to tell Bullock to GTFO, but Bullock insists that this is a serious police matter and there’s this whole cartoony bit of banter where Bullock theatrically goes on about how this is now an official police matter and Gerry is a suspect and they’ll need to go down to the station, leaving Gordon to his own devices to go through the staff records and carry out his investigation unimpeded. It was actually pretty fun. This was a solid use of Bullock’s obnoxiousness.
Mari: Aw, we’re giving out compliments to the show for nicely using their own character’s obnoxiousness.
Sweeney: Wharf. Uncomfortable Henchman goes to see Self-Proclaimed Next-in-Line. They joke about old times – they knew each other as kids. Henchman confirms for us that he’s really closer to #2 than Fish. #2 explains that it’s out of friendship for henchman that he tells him that Fish’s days are numbered and goes on to do some recruitment, asking what the henchman wants to come over to his side. The henchman says he’ll have to think about it. I probably should know that henchman’s name by now. Oh well. (A: I think it’s Butch? I kind of like him, as much as it’s possible to like anyone on this show).
GCPD. Penguin’s in a holding cell and calls out to Bullock when he returns. Penguin begs for a phone call to Maroni to smooth things over, and Bullock just laughs off this basic legal request, like a tried and true member of the LOLPD.
GCPD. Gerry explains electroshock therapy to Bullock, including the fact that there are no skilled surgeons among Arkham Asylum’s staff. Bullock teases Gerry a bit more about his potential guilt, but dials it back, saying that he knows Gerry has too much reverence for authority for that. It takes all of one sentence of prodding for Gerry to reveal that he does, however, have some very! serious! secrets! but he’s totally not gonna tell Bullock about them. Except for the part where he just kind of did, with almost zero provocation. Gerry insists that his secrets are totally not relevant to the case at hand. (M: What? Why would he…? You know what, never mind.) (A: I seriously wonder whether the writers of this show ever bother to read back what they’ve just written.)
Arkham. Gordon is going through old files when the totally guilty nurse enters with a cup of coffee for him. She notices that he looks pale and asks him how he’s doing. Gordon says that the files seem incomplete and asks if there might be more in the basement. The nurse says the basement’s closed off because it’s been shaving its hands for 10 years. Gordon asks if she knows the way down there and she does a big fake smile-sigh and turns to show him the way.
GCPD. Bullock continues to ask Gerry questions about who among his staff it could be. Gerry says that his staff is full of good people who all came to Arkham together five years ago. Five years? I’m so confused. Didn’t it just open? They’ve had a full medical staff there for five years but it just opened? Did I miss something? Whatever. Gerry suddenly hesitates because there’s someone – a female someone – who maaaaaybe could be the culprit.
Gordon is on his way down to the Arkham Basement of Don’t Go In There with Nurse Crazy when they run into Dr. Inara. Nurse Crazy invites Dr. Inara to join them in the basement but Gordon tells her to go home. Nurse Crazy realizes that Gordon is onto her and she throws Dr. Inara at him and flees. Gordon tells Dr. Inara to have the main guard put the place on lockdown and then leave.
Gordon is chasing Nurse Crazy down when Bullcok calls him to reveal that Nurse Crazy isn’t staff – she’s an inmate. We see Nurse Crazy freeing all the other inmates. A moment later, she and a whole horde are charging down Dr. Inara. NOT BEAUTIFUL DR. INARA. We cut briefly to Gordon discovering the open cells before rejoin the stampede, which has killed Nurse Crazy. Dr. Inara is at the end of the line when Gordon arrives and thanks to some inexplicable contrivance magic, they manage to open a gate and get only themselves to the other side before re-locking it.
Alex: What? So if the nurse is actually a patient/inmate then why is she just wandering around the male wards doing nurse-y stuff? This doesn’t make any… oh, you know what, never mind.
Sweeney: SIGH.
Clock Apartment. Ivy is sitting by a fire while Cat is in the kitchen. The phone rings and Ivy answers because Cat failed to give her the crash course in stealth that’s necessary for successful B&E and squatting. It’s Barbara and she asks for Jim. Ivy says that Jim’s there but he can’t talk. She’s a friend of his. Barbara tells her to go to hell and throws her phone. It’s very awkward and stilted and uncomfortable.
Mari: Is Barbara really upset because she thinks Gordon is dating a fetus?
Sweeney: It would seem that way.
GCPD. Bullock and Gordon recap Nurse Crazy’s history (she’d been a med student before she got locked up 16 years ago for murdering a bunch of classmates) for the chief. Bullock grumbles about Gordon’s new boss and tries to get the chief to bring Gordon back, but she can’t really do that. They decide to drink instead. Good choice.
Penguin, in his cell, is elated by the arrival of Maroni. Maroni explains to Penguin that he’s in that cell because Maroni put him there for his own hubris – specifically, that Penguin raised taxes on fishermen without Maroni’s approval. Penguin quivers and apologizes. Maroni orders a cop to let Penguin out and goes in for a hug, but hesitates because Penguin smells like ass. Maroni tells Penguin that he’s a smart monkey, but a monkey all the same, while Maroni is the zookeeper.
Good Cops Happy Hour is interrupted by photos of Nurse Crazy’s body – she had electrode wounds too – they were hidden by her hair. They’re about a month old. Bullock and Gordon spring back into action.
Arkham. Aaron the Ax Murderer attacks a guard and then the lucid inmate steps out from behind him. As Lucid Inmate congratulates himself for his success with Aaron the Ax Murderer as a patient, Gerry rounds the corner.
After a commercial break, Gordon and Bullock come upon Gerry’s body. Gordon sends Bullock to call an ambulance. Gerry manages to gurgle out, “Not staff,” just before he dies. Gordon notices that he’s holding a letter, left by the Lucid Inmate, in which he explains that he’s sorry he didn’t have enough time to chat, but he thinks he finally found a successful inmate and also his name is Jack Gruber, but then Google told me that I didn’t really need to remember that because he’s not an established character. I mean, I guess I should have assumed because knowing this show he would have spelled it out with lightbulbs or some shit.
The next morning, Gordon returns to the Clock Apartment and finds remnants of his squatters. He calls out to Barbara, but she doesn’t answer.
At the wharf, the henchman is sitting in his car when #2 pulls up. Henchman gets into his car to resume their chat – he says he is, in fact, in and ready to name his terms. Henchman reflects on old times and apologizes for a childhood incident where he cheated the #2 guy out of some stolen meat or something and then shoots him in the head. Happy old timey music plays as the henchman gets back into his own car and drives away.
That would have been more dramatic if I cared even a tiny little bit about the mob boss politics.
But GUYS. MORENA BACCARIN! I just want Dr. Inara on the screen for all of the episode and things will be great. And that is all I can really say.
Here’s what all of you had to say on Twitter:
I guess it’s finally time. #GothamSnark here I go.
— Ryan (@meatloafbandit) January 8, 2015
Do I really have to start watching Gotham again?! #GothamSnark
— Regina (@ReginaD83) January 6, 2015
Watching @Gotham tonight, I take comfort that geekdom shows featuring Morena Baccarin tend to be canceled very quickly. #GothamSnark
— Starman Morrison (@GeekyGeekyWays) January 6, 2015
Gordon watching this Arkham play is a good metaphor for me watching #Gotham. About equal quality. #gothamsnark
— Mari (@mynameismarines) January 6, 2015
Oh my how I did not miss you Jada. You and your horrible hair and overacting. #Gothamsnark
— Jessica Babb (@Jessicababb) January 6, 2015
Uh, I would think that a former homicide detective would be better at figuring out when someone’s dead. #gothamsnark
— Laura Lillies (@lillypad1985) January 7, 2015
Barbra Gordon tricked on the phone by a small girl into thinking Jim had another women over…. She SOUNDS 10. #GothamSnark
— Dutchface (@Dutchface) January 6, 2015
I love that the #gothamsnark Tweets this week have all been, “guess it’s time to watch Gotham.” Then like one other Tweet. Then silence.
— Mari (@mynameismarines) January 8, 2015
This is going up a bit late, but don’t forget to join us tonight (or whenever you watch this week) for another round of #gothamsnark. As always, we’ll keep looking up your tweets up until the episode goes live.
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