Previously: Dean got trapped in a basement with a demon, and Ruby helped Bobby make more bullets for the Colt. Sam probably did something too, but I don’t remember.
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Bedtime Stories
Kirsti: Maple Springs, New York. The tinkly orchestra tinkles as we pan across a billboard for a housing estate that starts “Once upon a time”. You know, just in case you couldn’t tell this was going to be fairy tale themed. We pan down further to the construction site where three somewhat chubby brothers are talking. There’s a growly sound and one looks around. His brother pooh-poohs the noise, and the trio go back to arguing about whether they should be using cinder blocks or bricks rather than timber in the construction, because “One gust of wind and the whole place is gonna blow over!“. Do you get who they are yet, or should the writers hit us with the obvious anvil a few more times?
Anna May: Maybe a few more times’d do it, it’s not quite embedded in my skull yet.
K: Fair.
The growly beastie creeps closer and growls again. The brother who looked around earlier (Kyle) goes to investigate, checking behind a JCB. There’s nothing there. Kyle, incidentally, looks hilariously like Kyle Sandilands, an obnoxious and sexist douchebag who plagues the Australian radiowaves.
If the character’s name wasn’t Kyle, I’d have called him Kyle anyway.
Anna May: I just looked him up on YouTube. He made me feminist rage-hulk. Can we sentence him to the opening credits of a SPN episode instead of this Kyle?
K: I very much approve of this plan, because Kyle Sandilands is one of the worst human beings on the face of the earth, and he deserves to be stuck in an episode of Supernatural.
He turns and walks back towards his brothers just in time to see one get dragged behind a pile of pipes. There’s a scream and a blood explosion. The second brother rushes forward and also gets attacked. Kyle hides behind his cinder blocks, then peeps out and looks at his brother’s dead body. There’s a snort from behind him and he screams as the camera rushes towards him.
SATAN’S SCREENSAVER!
After the Not Credits, a big fat bullfrog narrowly avoids getting hit by the Bromobile. Inside, Sam and Dean are arguing. Sam wants to summon the Crossroads Demon and kill her with the Colt because then Dean’s deal goes away. Dean thinks this is the worst plan ever, especially as it might make Sam dead. Again. Dean plays the “I’m the oldest, do what I say” card, and Sam bitchfaces. (A: Padalecki’s got the little brother bitchface absolutely down pat.) (K: TRUTH.) Dean changes the subject, demanding details on the case. Sam infodumps that based on the description of the victims’ injuries in the newspaper, it’s probably a werewolf.
Cut to a hospital. The boys flash sheriff’s badges and Dean introduces them as Detectives Plant and Page. Please, Dean, be more obvious in your love of Led Zeppelin. Kyle, lying in a hospital bed covered in lacerations and bandages, says he’s been expecting them all morning because surely they’re the sketch artists there to take his description of the killer? Sam awkwards, but Dean says they are and that Sam will be doing the drawing. Dean then asks how Kyle got away, and he says that the killer just stopped in mid-attack, then ran off.
Sam pulls a notebook from his pocket and asks for as many details as possible. They ask werewolfy questions about glowing eyes and pointy teeth and claws, and Kyle’s all “The fuck?” because his attacker was just a normal dude. Then he adds that the guy had Wile E. Coyote tattooed on his arm. A doctor comes in to check on Kyle and Dean shows his badge, then pulls the doctor aside to ask him some questions. Kyle asks Sam if he can see the sketch, and Sam awkwards before handing over the notebook. Kyle looks confused, and I kind of want to give Sam a Tumblr “I don’t even think you tried at all” star for this. Angel would NOT be impressed:
Anna May: Here u go Sam.
K: A+, girl.
Another bullfrog close up, then we switch focus to the boys walking down the street. (A: You know, somehow I get the impression that frogs are going to be significant somehow. Just an inkling.) (K: There’s that anvil again!) Dean laughs at Sam’s drawing, then informs him that Dr Garrison gave him some details on the coroner’s reports for Kyle’s brothers. Chunks of them were missing, but their hearts were still there, so it clearly wasn’t a werewolf. Sam suggests possession, and Dean scoffs, because a demon would never stop half way through an attack. They’re back to square one.
Cut to a forest, accompanied by the tinkly orchestra. A couple hike through the woods bitching about how they’re lost and out of food. Suddenly, they come across a clearing with a house in it. The woman is thrilled, because they can ask for directions. They walk towards it, and a little old lady steps out onto the porch. She asks if they’re okay and tells them that they’re really deep into the forest now. There’s a pie cooling on the windowsill, and the zoomy cameraman zooms in dramatically on it. (A: Someone take his camera away, he has a problem. Or was just really hungry on set that day.) The little old lady invites them in for pie. The guy, Ken, is all “YES PLEASE”, but Julie looks unconvinced. Still, she follows Ken and the old lady inside.
Sometime later, Ken’s finishing a piece of pie. It’s clearly not his first. The little old lady asks if he wants more, and he looks pained for a second before saying that he’s full. Julie says they should get going, and Ken stands up, then collapses on the floor groaning in agony. Julie stands in concern and is similarly affected. The camera gets all fuzzy to show us that they’ve been drugged. The little old lady stands up with a smile and takes a massive kitchen knife from the sink. She tests the sharpness with her thumb, then sweetly tells Ken to hold still. Then she slices and stabs at him daintily with a smile on her face as Julie screams for her to stop. The camera pans up to show a little girl in a white dress and a red Alice band staring in the window. Fade to black.
After the Not Commercial Break, the boys are back at the hospital. They try to look nonchalant when actual cops walk past, then head in to see Julie. Doctor Garrison is with her, trying to calm her down. He asks the boys what the hell is going on, and they say they’ll tell him as soon as they know. He leaves them with Julie. Sam asks Julie how she got away. She tearfully tells them that she ate less pie than Ken, so she wasn’t as out of it. So she managed to shove the old lady, who hit her head on the stove and died. Dean gets a “That sounds oddly familiar” face. (A: Maybe they’ll twig what’s going on before the end of the episode. Maybe.) (K: Apparently they’re good at dodging anvils.) Julie goes on to say that one minute, her attacker was super sweet and the next she was a total monster. Then she asks if the boys found the little girl who was at the scene. The girl vanished into thin air, she says, and the boys look serious. They ask for a description.
Cut to the little old lady’s house. Dean enternounces that there’s no sulphur anywhere, and Sam says the only EMF is by the window where the little girl was standing. And look, I’m just going to call her Snow White, because OBVIOUSLY. He tells Dean that he has a theory – fairy tales.
Dean scoffs, because a ghost that recreates fairy tales is insane, and Sam suggests that he examine his own life for a second. “Touché…” Dean replies. Then he asks how Snow White was involved, and Sam shrugs. They need to hit the books and do some research. Dean sad pandas because research is the actual worst.
Cut to the library. Dean mopes his way outside, and informs Sam that there haven’t been any kids die in the town’s history who match Snow White’s description. There’ve also been none go missing. Sam, meanwhile, has been researching Lillian Bailey, a medium from the 1930s who would go into trances in which her body would be taken over by spirits. He hypothesises that Snow White is doing the same thing. Dean scoffs, then they stop walking when a massive bullfrog jumps in front of them and ribbits. The orchestra tinkles, and Dean says that maybe Sam’s right but he’s definitely not going to kiss a frog.
Sam looks at a house across the street. There’s a pumpkin on the porch and a mouse running past it. Sam suggests that maybe there’s a Cinderella thing going on. Dean calls Sam gay for knowing about Cinderella in detail and I try to punch a fictional character in the face with my mind. (A: I did actually flip a bird at the screen. Literally everyone knows the Cinderella story, Dean. EVERYONE.) The connection is hella tenuous, but they head over to the house and pick the lock. In the kitchen, they find a teenage girl handcuffed to the stove, crying. She says that her stepmother went crazy, beat her up and chained her to the stove.
Sam pulls out his lock picks and Dean looks up to see Snow White watching him. She turns away and he follows her into the living room. “Who’re you?” he asks. She flickers and vanishes, leaving an apple behind on the rug. That’s…a weird power. The apple, incidentally, is a red delicious which is, in my experience, the biggest lie of a name ever created. Because they are the opposite of delicious. (A: +1 to that. Wouldn’t mind having the power to create apples from nothingness but they’d have to be galas or something.) (K: Pink Lady apples or nothing for me.) Fade to black.
After the Not Commercial Break, Dean thoughtfully fiddles with the apple, then tosses it to Sam and asks which fairy tale it adds up to. Sam, for anyone too dense to work it out, informs us that I was totally right and it’s Snow White. Dean knows the story of that one because he’s seen the porn version. They head back to the hospital and ask about any comatose children. The nurse informs them that there aren’t any, just a bunch of old guys and Callie, Doctor Garrison’s daughter, who’s been there for years.
Cut to Callie’s room. Doctor Garrison sits by her bed, reading to her from The Complete Brothers Grimm. It’s Little Red Riding Hood, and as he reads we’re thrown to an old lady carrying groceries to her car. A guy with a Wile E. Coyote tattoo offers her assistance, then throws her into her car and beats her as Snow White watches. Then Wile E. Coyote drives away in the grandmother’s car.
Back at the hospital, the boys turn up at Callie’s room. They’re surprised to see that she’s probably in her early 20s. Doctor Garrison keeps reading, then stops when he notices the boys. Sam says they just wanted to say how sorry they are about Callie. Dean asks what happened, and Doctor Garrison says that she swallowed bleach when she was eight, and has been in the hospital ever since. Dude. How the hell are you affording those medical bills?!
Anna May: She’s looking pretty damn flawless for someone who’s been in a coma since they were eight. Faith should give the SPN lot a coma make-up tutorial.
K: Agreed. Nary a trace of coma make up to be seen.
Anyway, Doctor Garrison says his wife brought Callie to the ER. Dean asks if his wife was Callie’s stepmother, then claims it was a lucky guess. Doctor Garrison looks sceptical but says that she died last year and now it’s just him and Callie. He excuses himself to get back to work, and the boys share a look.
The boys walk through the hospital, discussing how it’s definitely a Snow White situation. Sam’s confused about the motive though. Dean offers us this piece of crossover magic: “Could be like Mischa Barton. Sixth Sense, not The O.C.” Sam still looks confused, so Dean explains the whole poisoned-by-her-mother-to-get-attention thing, and Sam’s all “Ohhhhhh, Münchausen syndrome by proxy”. He agrees that it’s a possibility. They decide that Callie’s probably been getting angrier and angrier over the years, unable to move on and stuck listening to her father telling her deranged creepy stories.
Just then, the emergency entrance opens and some paramedics rush in the Red Riding Hood grandmother on a stretcher. One of the paramedics tells a doctor that it looks like she was mauled by a dog or a wolf. The boys stand in the doorway as realisation dawns that Doctor Garrison’s current story to Callie is Little Red Riding Hood. They watch as the grandmother is declared dead, then head to talk to one of the paramedics. He tells them that the grandmother was found barely alive on the side of the road.
Dean demands to know her next of kin, and contrivance dictates that the paramedic has that information on his clipboard – she had a granddaughter, and he happens to have the address right there too. Dean grabs it. They walk away a little, and Dean tells Sam to find a way to stop Callie that doesn’t involve burning a living person. And he’s “gonna go stop the Big Bad Wolf. Which is the weirdest thing I’ve ever said.”
Anna May: Give it time, Dean, there’ll be plenty weirder things for you to say yet.
K: Yup.
He walks away, and the zoomy cameraman zooms in on Sam’s tense face.
Cut to a school letting out. A little girl in a red hoodie looks around anxiously, then spots the grandmother’s car. She walks over and hops in, not even looking at who’s driving. Wile E. Coyote turns around and smiles at her creepily and she gasps. He hits the door locks and speeds away. Fade to black.
After the Not Commercial Break, Sam finds Doctor Garrison and says he needs to talk to him about Callie. He awkwardly says that Callie’s accident wasn’t really an accident. Doctor Garrison walks away and Sam yells after him that his wife poisoned Callie. Sam, dude. No. Doctor Garrison agrees with me, and tells Sam to stay the fuck away from him. He walks into Callie’s room and slams the door.
Sam takes a deep breath and follows him in. Doctor Garrison tries to call security, but Sam stops him, insisting that if he doesn’t listen, more people will get hurt. By Callie. He tells Doctor Garrison that Callie’s a spirit, and Doctor Garrison turns to stare at his daughter for a second before turning back to Sam and saying “So you’ve seen her too?“. Sam makes a weird facial expression. I’m not sure what it’s supposed to be, but it involves a lot of nostril flaring. (A: Padalecki’s nostrils do like 50% of his acting.) The transcript I’m using says it’s surprise, so sure. Let’s go with that.
Dean, meanwhile, kicks down the door to the grandmother’s house and storms in with his gun drawn. He finds Red Riding Hood with a bloody cut on her face, cowering in a corner. He asks if she’s okay, and she screams. He spins to see Wile E. Coyote behind him. Wile E. attacks, knocking the gun from Dean’s hand. Dean throws a few punches, and gets thrown across the room for his trouble, falling to the floor.
Hospital. Doctor Garrison tells Sam that he’s been seeing Callie everywhere but he didn’t believe it. Sam says that Callie’s been trying to talk to him. Doctor Garrison believes that it’s her, but doesn’t want to believe that his wife poisoned her. “Sir. Callie told us,” Sam replies. Not with, like, words and stuff. But she still told them. He begs Doctor Garrison to listen to his daughter.
Back at the grandmother’s house, the fight continues. Snow White!Callie watches with a creepy smile. Dean grabs a comically large pair of scissors from a knitting basket and starts swinging them at Wile E. Coyote. (A: I love how they even made a little “shing” sound so we know they’re dangerous.) Suddenly, Snow White!Callie is distracted by the sound of Doctor Garrison’s voice. She flickers and disappears.
Hospital. Doctor Garrison talks to a comatose Callie, asking if it’s true that her stepmother poisoned her. Snow White!Callie appears behind him and he turns to stare at her tearfully. He asks if it’s true, and she nods. Grandmother’s House. Wile E. Coyote pins Dean to the floor and they fight for the scissors. Hospital. Doctor Garrison apologises to Snow White!Callie for what happened, and tells her that she has to stop hurting people now that he knows the truth. He says it’s time for her to let go and time for him to let her go. He turns back to comatose Callie and kisses her forehead tearfully. The heart rate monitor flatlines, and Sam looks sadly at the ground.
Grandmother’s house. Dean gets the upper hand and raises the scissors over his head to kill Wile E. Coyote. Suddenly, Wile E. snaps out of it and is all “HOLY SHIT WHAT IS HAPPENING WHERE AM I WHO ARE YOU PLEASE DON’T KILL ME”. Dean lowers the scissors, exhausted. Hospital. Doctor Garrison cries as he strokes his dead daughter’s face. He turns back to Snow White!Callie, but she’s gone. Sam sad pandas some more. Fade to black.
After the Not Commercial Break, the boys tell Doctor Garrison that it’s over and Red Riding Hood is okay. Minus a primary carer, and probably traumatised for life, but sure, she’s totally fine. (A: It’s almost hilarious how their lifestyle has twisted their definition of “fine”.) He tells them that he should have let Callie go a long time ago, and he hopes he never sees them again. He walks away, and Dean tells Sam that Doctor Garrison had some good advice in regards to letting people go. Sam tears up and Dean walks away.
Motel of the Week, that night. We pan across a sleeping Dean, then see that Sam’s bed is empty. He grabs his backpack and sneaks out. Cut to Sam burying a box of stuff at a crossroad. (Isn’t it convenient how they can always find a gravel crossroads no matter where they are in the country?!) The Crossroads Demon appears, her eyes glowing red, and gushes a little over getting to meet Sam for the first time. He glares at her and pulls out the Colt, telling her to beg for her life. She sasses at him, then asks about the Colt before realising that Ruby must have helped them.
Sam has no fucks to give, and tells her that either she cancels Dean’s deal or she dies.
She laughs and asks if he’s tired of cleaning up Dean’s messes. When Dean’s gone, she says, Sam can be free. He yells at her to shut up and break the deal. She says she can’t because Dean made the deal of his own free will. Sam cocks the Colt and says he’ll just kill her and that will cancel out the deal. She’s all “LOL NOPE” and says that she’s a saleswoman and she has a boss, and her boss holds the contracts. And he really really wants Dean’s soul.
He says she’s bluffing, and she sasses some more. He demands to know who her boss is, and she says she can’t tell him. Sam looks a little sad, then shoots her between the eyes. The Crossroads Demon crumples to the ground, and Sam watches coldly. Fade to black.
Anna May: Great choices Sam. You done fucked up again.
K: In the words of Google, did you mean “Sam’s life”?
Well. That was a thing. I remember really liking this episode when it first aired. But while it’s an interesting concept, the writing is pretty awful. I mean, between being hit over the head with the obviousness of the fairy tales, the “U R GAY!!” comments from Dean, and that misogyny-laden scene at the end? It’s not a great episode.
Anna May: With you on pretty much everything there, except I didn’t even remember watching this episode at all. Can’t remember if I skipped it or if it was just not all that memorable, but either way. Not fantastic.
Next time on Supernatural: A ghost ship kills people and an old lady takes a liking to Sam in S03 E06 – Red Sky At Morning
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I'm a 30-something librarian and I still live with my parents because I'm super broke. Leader of Team Heartless Cow. I have an inexplicable love for 90s television, eat too much chocolate, and read more than is good for me.
Writer, YouTuber, musician, pretentious idiot, swarm of angry bees in a human suit. Queer in every sense of the word, and not quiet about it. Several years into a plot to take over the BBC so I can become the new Doctor Who showrunner and fix all the problems.
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