Previously: Ryan’s brother got out of jail and came to stay at the Cohens’ as well.
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The Risky Business
Marines: Trey apparently learned how to make breakfast in jail, so he’s doing that now. He may be new to the Cohen household, but he must already know that every episode starts with breakfast. (S: Key part of his rehabilitation. Delicious breakfast foods are the best way to start a crime-free day.) Ryan comes into the kitchen, quickly followed by Seth and then Sandy. Kirsten shows up long enough to pick up a phone call from Julie and leaves again. Seth helpfully explains to Trey that Julie is Marissa’s mom. “So, Ryan’s mother-in-law?” Trey quips. Sandy is surprised that they are back on again and that he’s the last to know. Ryan insists that nothing is going on for about one second, but then crumbles under the power of Sandy’s eyebrows (I guess).
CALIFORNIA HERE WE COME!
Marissa is packing for her week at the Cohen House of Strays. Summer teasers her about her non-lationship with Ryan, especially since she’s packed some sexy sleepwear. Marissa, embarrassed, also packs flannel pajamas.
Cohen House. Kirsten is in her room, finishing up a phone call, and promising someone that she’ll find a replacement. Sandy enters and Kirsten explains that she needs someone to replace her as the chair for the OC charity yard sale. And by “charity yard sale” she means “the donors keep half the profits and there is no yard.” Sandy is all, “LOL. No,” but Kirsten promises him it’s just a figurehead position. Plus, he’ll be the auctioneer, which means he’ll have a microphone and a captive audience. Sandy cannot resist a microphone and a captive audience. I want to punch Kirsten in the face when she tells him he can’t sing show tunes, though. WE WANT SHOW TUNES.
Sweeney: HOW DARE YOU STAND IN THE WAY OF SHOW TUNES, KIRSTEN. I LOVE YOU, BUT THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE.
Mari: In the kitchen, Sandy ropes the rest of the boys into the OC Pseudo-Charity Non-Yard Sale. Ryan and Seth have to go to school, but Sandy says Trey can help him out with the Newpsies. We cut to the site of the Non-Yard Sale as Sandy explains that Newpsies are like vultures who like other people to paint their talons. Two Newpsies approach. Trey gets led away to do some heavy lifting. The remaining blonde Newpsie tells Sandy he has to pick out table linens and flatware and stuff, because being the chair of a non-yard sale is not just a figurehead position.
High School Whose Name I Can’t Even Remember But That Seems to Be Made Solely of Lockers, Hallways, and an Extravagant Student Lounge. Seth and Ryan get comfortable in the student lounge as Seth paints a picture for Ryan about what might happen if both he and Marissa get thirsty in the middle of the night. It leads to some french kissing in front of the fridge, which Seth is acting out, until Marissa strides up. That’s Seth’s cue to be elsewhere.
Marissa asks if Seth was talking about how awkward if will be for her to move in. Ryan pretends he had no idea she was moving in. Marissa wonders if it’ll be awkward and I laugh and laugh. Honey, all you are is awkward. Ryan is all, “it’ll be fine! G2G shave my hands!” and hightails it out of there.
In the hallway, he passes Seth and gives him a good shove.
Zach approaches Seth and they chat amicably about Electra on DVD. Seth admits that Summer is making him dial it down a notch with the comics. Zach’s in a similar situation, as his mom is making him donate 10 comics for pseudo-charity. Seth offers to give up five of his own comics so they can go half and half on the sacrifice and the profit.
Sweeney: I did not entirely understand how this satisfied their respective numerical commitments to dialing it down while watching. It makes slightly more sense now, but, like…only slightly.
Mari: I’m pretty sure “slightly” is all the writers were going for.
Trey is still helping out at the auction when he spots a really big egg-shaped thing. He asks about it, and Brunette Newpsie explains that it’s from a Tom Cruise movie. Trey is impressed, and even more so when he learns it’s appraised at $10,000. You can almost see the little cartoon dollar signs in his eyes.
A very stylistic segue takes us from the crystal egg to a sunset. It made me laugh. Marissa arrives at “casa de Cohen,” and Kirsten tells her they are almost at capacity because they are still pretending this mansion only has 1 (disappearing) guest room. Marissa asks where she’s supposed to go, and apparently Kirsten invited her over but didn’t actually give any thought to where she would sleep. I bet Marissa feels real welcome.
Sweeney: Kirsten is really off her game today. Get it together, girl.
Mari: In Seth’s room, he’s going through his comics. He casually asks Ryan when Marissa gets there and Ryan replies, “I don’t know. You want another dead arm?” Seth gives the cutest, dejected, “no thank you.” Ryan says he’s going to go see if Trey is back.
Outside, Ryan swings the door of the pool house open, only to find a shirtless Marissa.
My favorite part of this whole scene/gif set is Seth in that 6th one, walking up, seeing Marissa, and doing an immediate about face. (S: SAME!) Seth is being cute and not awful today. Ryan finally closes the door and Seth tells him to come along. Trey is inside with a shirt on.
That night, Ryan is in bed with an entire armory. HELLO GUN SHOW. WHAT EVEN ARE THOSE ARMS?
Marissa is awake too, probably because of the broody soundtrack. That would make it hard to sleep. Ryan and Marissa both end up in the kitchen, trying to give each other longing looks over bowls and spoons or something.
Their emotional finger grazing is interrupted by Trey, the bastard. It’s the Cohen house! You don’t just barge into the area without checking if someone is having emotions in there!
Things are awkward as Trey explains that he needs to get an early start apartment hunting. Lucky for him, whenever there is a break-up in the OC, there is also a departure! And Alex’s apartment is still empty, which apparently Marissa knows off the top of her head. Ryan can’t go with Trey so Marissa offers to go instead. This makes Ryan uncomfortable.
Non-Yard of the Non-Yard Sale. Seth is taking Polaroids of the auction items. He asks AGAIN if anything is going on with Marissa and Ryan says no again. And gives him a light face slap. Maybe Seth is a masochist and just wants Ryan to hurt him. As Seth is taking a picture of on ottoman, he backs up into the table holding the crystal egg. In slow motion, we watch Ryan dramatically dive for it, and I have no idea why any of this is happening. But, hey, there is the crystal egg again and it’s still worth $10,000. Please don’t forget.
Sandy’s being real demanding about linens and napkin rings, because he’s the kind of dude that can surf, set a table perfectly and sing you a couple of show tunes. (S: Probably all byproducts of the majesty of his eyebrows.) Kirsten shows up with a banner and with stupid Carter and his stupid face. Kirsten goes off to hang the banner, leaving Sandy to be all, “so, Carter, you sure work late hours with my wife.” Carter says that Kirsten is great and they should all be friends.
Trey is checking out Alex’s apartment. He’ll take it. The landlord says he needs first and last month’s rent, plus a security deposit. Trey doesn’t have it, but Marissa thinks on her feet and basically offers Trey as the maintenance dude for the building. The landlord will think about it.
Zach arrives at the Non-Yard with his comic books and is soon recruited to help Seth take pictures of things. Carter and his stupid face show up and they get to talking about comic books. Carter thinks Seth could put all his material together into a graphic novel. Zach is pumped, but Seth says the choice is up to Summer.
We cut to Summer’s room where Seth tries to kiss up to her. He can’t even really get the idea out because Summer heads him off: If you bring up you and Zach and Atomic County, I’ll kill you both while you sleep.
Casa de Cohen. Sandy is grilling while Kirsten is poring wine. Sandy says he really likes Carter and they are planning on hanging out. Kirsten smiles uncomfortably, perhaps thinking of the lots more wine she wants to deal with this.
Sweeney: That’s the Kiki we know and love.
Mari: Inside, Ryan is playing video games. Trey and Marissa return triumphant, but that bubble is quickly burst when the landlord calls and tells Trey that he can’t hire him because his background check didn’t clear. Trey has to come up with the deposit. Of course Marissa listens to this whole conversation, so it’s super awkward when Trey is all, “everything is cool! I’m getting my act together!”
The next morning, Ryan wakes up at 6am again, this time to find that Trey is not in bed. Later, Trey is arriving home, and Ryan is waiting for him on the stairs. Trey lies about doing some work at the apartment building. Ryan doesn’t seem to believe him, because nothing good, honest, or pure happens at 6am. #teamsleep
Sweeney: #TEAMSLEEPFOREVER
Mari: Morning proper. Trey comes into the pool house to offer Marissa breakfast. She either refuses because she doesn’t accept food from liars or because she doesn’t eat anything but edamame and water. Marissa admits that she heard Trey’s call. She says that if Trey does anything stupid, Ryan is definitely going to brood about it. (She almost says that.)
Zach has come over for an update and all Seth has to offer is their new hobby: baseball cards. Zach correctly guesses that Summer said they can’t comic book. As they head downstairs and the writers throw a Curt Shilling joke in (#2004jokes), the door bell rings. I can see Carter’s stupid reflection behind the class. Carter took it upon himself to set up a meeting with someone at a graphic novel company. Zach points out that Summer said no to comic books and not graphic novels. Seth considers it.
Marissa’s going through some stuff in the basement of her house. She’s looking for something to sell at the auction. Summer joins her and one second later happens to find a tea set she happens to know is worth a couple grand. Okay.
Sweeney: Your, “Okay,” sounds very skeptical, but that’s probably just because you don’t understand rich people life, where thousand dollar tea sets are always being casually strewn about the basements THAT NOBODY IN FUCKING SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA HAS.
Mari: They are Twilight Zone basements, I guess.
Ryan and Trey are getting ready. Ryan offers to help Trey with his tie. Trey says he doesn’t need help and IT’S SIGNIFICANT, SEE? Ryan helps him anyway and even Sandy gets in on this significant tie tying action.
Pseudo-Charity Non-Yard Sale. Summer overhears Zach and Seth talking about their graphic novel. She tells them if there is any trouble, no more comic books, no more graphic novels and no more her. She says all of this with a sword in her hand so it’s extra threatening.
Marissa brings her conveniently valuable tea set to Ryan. It’s awkward and this time because Marissa is keeping Trey’s secret. She skeddadles and Ryan puts the tea set with the other auction items. He notices that one of the lots is empty. The crystal egg. He picks up the Polaroid up, looks at it and looks around at the other items. I really like that he needs to look around to piece together what’s happening. “This place is empty. That stuff is over there. That other stuff is there. Yep, that’s all there. But this spot? Is empty.” After about 2 minutes Ryan figures it out: Trey.
Ryan finds Marissa and says the egg is gone. It takes Marissa 1% of the time it took Ryan to assume Trey did it. For shame, Ryan. He asks why Trey would steal something if everything is going great. Marissa admits that Trey failed the background test for the job. Ryan asks why Marissa didn’t tell him, but Trey is there to answer that. He asked Marissa not to tell. Trey’s basic logic is that stealing from rich people is basically not stealing at all. Like Robin Hood, but in this case “the poor” is basically only you. Ryan is pissed but Trey says they can still fix it. He’s got the cash he made off the egg.
Inside, the auction gets underway. Ryan’s basic plan is to go get the egg back before anyone notices it’s gone. He storms out, right past Seth. Marissa grabs Summer and pulls her on stage to help stall. Sandy raises his eyebrows to high heaven as he asks if he can help them. Marissa says they are his assistants, because every honorary chair gets assistants. Sandy gives a cute, “oh!” and introduces them to the audience. (S: So precious!)
Seth follows Ryan out and sells himself hard as the perfect wingman for this mission. Ryan agrees as long as Seth stops asking about Marissa every five seconds. Seth agrees and Ryan tosses him the keys, which hit him in the chest and then drop. I seriously feel like that is the story of anyone throwing something at me ever. I’M NEVER GOING TO CATCH IT.
Sweeney: +1. STOP THROWING THINGS AT ME.
Mari: We get cuts between the auction and Seth and Ryan driving. When the conveniently valuable tea set comes out, Kirsten bids $5000 for it and wins. Ryan and Seth park outside of a house. Seth has kind-of-a-plan.
At the auction, the crystal egg is next. Marissa quickly whispers to Summer that Trey stole the egg and they have to stall. Sandy turns to them and says, “Ladies, if you could, please bring, straight of 1983…” “MY SHOES!” Summer interrupts, taking off one of her shoes. Some guy buys them for $60.
Meanwhile, Seth’s plan was for him to knock on the front door while Ryan goes through the back to steal back the egg. The big guy who answers the door has a tough guy friend who soon has enough of Seth’s BS. They grab Seth so Ryan, egg in hand, shouts HEY. A chase ensues. Outside, Tough Guy is between Seth and Ryan. Ryan decides to throw the egg, football style, and Seth runs in slow motion to catch it.
Auction. Now, the girls have brought Zach and Trey onstage to sell.
Seth is still running in slow motion and he actually catches the egg. Ryan punches Tough Guy, who stopped to look at the slow motion running, in the face. Big Guy apparently took a pee break at some point during the chase, because he’s just joining this party, allowing Seth and Ryan enough time to run and drive away.
The girls can’t stall anymore about the crystal egg, so instead, Marissa grabs the mic and says that this is a blind auction, so instead of showing the egg they will describe it: it’s egg shaped, crystal and Tom Cruise touched it. Ryan and Seth arrive just as Sandy is dragging out the final bid. He sees them, pounds the gavel, and all is well.
At Casa Cohen that night, Ryan thanks Seth for his help. Sandy comes in and says that he doesn’t know what they were up to, but he bets it had to do with Trey. Seth whispers, “he sings, he surfs, and he reads minds.” AND HE SETS TABLES TOO, SETH. I said this already.
Sweeney: Keep up, Seth. Read the recaps.
Mari: Sandy tells those whacky kids that next time something comes up, THEY SHOULD USE THEIR WORDS and come to him. Hahaha, nice try, Sandy. Not likely.
Marissa gives Trey the money she got for auctioning off the tea set. Trey is sad because Ryan will never forgive him and Marissa, on this path to sainthood, offers to talk to Ryan for him. Trey says he’ll pay Marissa back. Hahaha, yeah, not likely either.
In the hall, Kirsten is setting out the tea set she bought. Marissa says she would’ve given it to her for free, but Kirsten says it’s cool, ’cause it was for pseudo-charity. The tea set belonged to her mom, and Caleb had it stashed in the basement, not Julie. Marissa just smiles all, “OOPS,” and leaves.
Outside, she finds Ryan brooding by the pool. Marissa tells him about the money she got Trey and Ryan thanks her. Then he puts his suit jacket around her, so they can make mushy eyes at each other. Marissa’s phone rings and interrupts the moment. It’s Julie calling to say that she’s home early. Marissa has to go pack her stuff and Ryan is left to poolside brood alone. At least that’ll probably make him sadder for maximum brooding.
Next time: Marissa throws a 21st birthday party for Trey. It’ll probably go as well as you’d expect it to, but find out for sure in The OC S02 E19 – The Rager.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
Nicole is the co-captain of Snark Squad and these days she spends most of her time editing podcasts. She spends too much time on Twitter and very occasionally vlogs and blogs. In her day job she's a producer, editor, director, and sometimes host of educational YouTube channels. She loves travel, maps, panda gifs, and semicolons. Writing biographies stresses her out; she crowd sourced this one years ago and has been using a version of it ever since. She would like to thank Twitter for their help.
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