Previously: Sam got hit on by an old lady, and Bela saw a ghost ship and paid the boys $10,000 to make it go away. Also, Dean wore a tuxedo.
—
Fresh Blood
Kirsti: Night. A fancy Mercedes is parked by a deserted looking bridge. Bela returns to her car with a briefcase that’s presumably full of money and gasps when she sees someone reflected in the window behind her. It’s Gordon, though she doesn’t know that. He introduces himself and she looks momentarily freaked. She says that she’s heard of him, and thought he was in prison.
Anna May: MORE BELA YAY. Also it’s been so long since I watched Supernatural in a non-snark capacity and I’m rapidly realising that I’m not far off a Snow here– I’ve completely forgotten who Gordon is. Guess I’m going to find out.
Marines: HELLO. I’m going to be helping out a little on these recaps too because I guess death by recapping isn’t the worst way to go. I really, really have no idea who Gordon is. GUESS I’LL FIND OUT TOO.
K: Not far off being a Snow may be the best way to go about this show!
Gordon replies that he’s out, and shows her that he’s broken into her car and taken her gun, so there’s no point looking for it. She asks what he wants, and he asks where Sam and Dean are. She says she has no idea, and he aims a massive gun at her head. She calmly asks why he wants the boys, and he replies “Sam Winchester is the Anti-Christ.” She sasses at him because she’s fabulous.
SATAN’S SCREENSAVER!
After the Not Credits, the boys search a warehouse by torchlight. They find a guy on the ground, bleeding from a bite on his neck. Sam tells Bleeding Guy that they’ll call for help while Dean demands to know which way “she” went. Bleeding Guy points and Dean rushes off, machete in hand. (M: Props to Bleeding Guy. I would’ve been all, “OMG, bleeding here. Cool it with the questions.”) He ends up in an alley, with three possible directions to search. Instead of picking one, he slices his forearm with the machete and yells at someone unseen to come and get it. A blonde vampire appears from around a corner and IT’S HARMONY FREAKING KENDALL!! (Okay, fine. It’s Mercedes McNab playing a vampire. Whatever. I’m still calling Crossover Magic.)
Anna May: TOTALLY Crossover Magic.
Sup Harmony, I missed you. Kind of. Not really, you’re a super minor character to be honest, but you’re reminding me of a much less facepalm-y show that I’d much rather be watching. Though your vamp!face seems to have improved.
Mari: Aw, the “I’d Rather Be Watching Something Else” game. I didn’t know we played that in this part of the woods. Also, it’s weird that you called her minor and then I remembered: Angel.
K: Let us not speak of such dark times, Mari…
Dean tells her that he tastes even better than he smells, and I’m willing to bet that ten thousand fangirls just fanned themselves while making smutty comments.
Anna May: And a thousand self-insert fanfics were spawned that day. *shudder*
K: Indeed.
She backs off a little when she sees the machete, so he drops it. Harmony rushes him, going for his neck. Dean stabs a syringe into her neck and injects her with Dead Man’s Blood.
Yes, I double giffed you because this was the only gif I could find of Mercedes McNab.
Harmony collapses and Dean “woo!“s with excitement. Sam appears and says that he was probably cutting it a little close. Dean scoffs, then stares at his bleeding arm with an “Ow…”
Cut to Harmony tied to a chair in a crappy looking room full of mattresses. The boys glare at her. She wakes, dried blood on her chin, and freaks out. Sam demands to know where her nest is, and she pleads ignorance. She begs the boys to let her go because she doesn’t feel good. Dean waves a syringe and smirks that she’ll feel worse if they give her more Dead Man’s Blood. Harmony tearfully says that she took something and she can’t come down from the high.
Sam asks for her name (Lucy, but I’m going to keep calling her Harmony), and says that they’ll let her go if she tells them what happened. Dean’s all “The fuck??”, but goes along with it. Harmony says that she was at a club called Spider and there was an “old guy” who was like 30 (EXCUSE YOU) (A: *distant nineteen-year-old laughter*) buying her drinks. She thinks his name was Dixon or Deacon. He said he was a dealer and that he had something for her. He put a few drops of it in her drink.
Dean eye rolls and asks if the “drug” was red and thick. Yup. He informs Harmony that she took vampire blood, and she yells that he’s crazy. Come on, Harmony. You’re from Sunnydale…
Anna May: Maybe… she… got amnesia between BTVS and SPN? I dunno man I’m still clinging desperately to this crossover magic…
K: Cling away, girl. Cling away.
She turns to Sam and says that Dix-con (because it’s the two names combined plus he was conning women) (A: A+) took her back to his place and said to wait while he got her something to eat. But she got so hungry she couldn’t wait. She busted out, and now the drug won’t wear off. Dean rattles off some vampire symptoms, and she agrees with all of them. Plus, she can hear hearts beating half a block away. She tearfully says that she just wants it to stop, and Sam looks feelsy.
Anna May: Oh no, Sam’s having an emotion. That won’t end well. (M: Watch out for Sam emotions, got it.)
K: Dean tells her that it’s never going to stop and she’s already responsible for two or three deaths. She cries, insisting that the deaths were just hallucinations caused by the drug, and asks for their help. Sam pulls Dean aside to have feels. Dean says that they don’t have a choice. Sam shakes his head, so Dean heads back inside, grabbing his machete. Harmony screams and Sam looks tearful as we hear the thud of Dean chopping off her head.
Anna May: Is it just me or was that unnecessarily brutal? Jesus, Dean, chill your beans.
K: I don’t know why, but I find “chill your beans” to be oddly hilarious.
Hospital. Bleeding Guy wakes to find Gordon and Kubrick in his room, posing as FBI agents. They ask him what happened, and he says that Harmony had “that super PCP strength, you know?” and I laugh for about a hundred years before wondering if this is a deliberate Sunnydale reference. (A: Given that it’s in the same episode as a Harmony Kendall appearance, I’d put ten quid on “yes”.) Gordon asks if he ingested any of her blood. Bleeding Guy is all “The fuck? NO”, then laughs when Gordon says that if he had, they’d had had to kill him. He stops when he realises Gordon’s not joking. (M: This Gordon guy could afford to take it down a notch or 20 on the intense scale.) Gordon asks what happened, next, and he mentions that “those two guys” turned up. Gordon asks for a description, and the best Bleeding Guy can offer is that “One was really tall“. Gordon and Kubrick exchange a look because there can’t possibly be any other really tall hunters in the Lower 48.
Anna May: To be fair, JarPad is insanely tall. He’s like a hulking puppy-faced Ent.
Mari: I don’t think I’d noticed that before? I just looked this up: Google says Jared is 6′ 4” and Jensen is 6′ 1”. Yummy, salty goodness tall.
K: Misha Collins is known as “the short one” among the fandom, and he spends a lot of time moping about how he’s 6′ tall, and JPad’s a freaking giant.
Mari: Thank you all for tuning into this Shallow Sidebar.
K: Cut to Spider. The boys walk out, with Dean declaring it a bust. Sam says that three blonde girls, including Harmony, have gone missing there, so it’s clearly Dix-con’s hunting ground. Just then, Dean spots a guy in a leather jacket leaving with his arm around a blonde girl. (M: That was ridiculously easy.) They turn down an alley and the boys follow. Dix-con pulls out a bottle of blood and prepares to drip some on the blonde’s tongue, claiming it’s the best drug ever. Dean grabs his arm just in time, and punches Dix-con. They fight as Sam tells the blonde girl to run. Dix-con knocks Dean down and runs away. Sam helps his brother up and they head off after Dix-con. They round a corner and find themselves face to face with Gordon and Kubrick. Gordon raises his gun and we fade to black.
After the Not Commercial Break, the boys duck for cover as Gordon and Kubrick start shooting. In the pause while they’re reloading, Dean tells Sam to run while he draws them off. He dashes out of the alley and across the top of parked cars up into a building as Gordon and Kubrick fire at him. Kubrick goes after him while Gordon continues looking for Sam. But Sam’s gone and instead Gordon gets attacked by Dix-con and knocked unconscious.
Cut to Sam back at the mattress filled store. He paces in concern, then looks up in relief when Dean walks in. He tells Dean off for being reckless, before they switch to wondering how Gordon found them. Realisation dawns on Dean and he pulls his phone out with a “That bitch!“. I’m just going to go ahead and call Misogyny Shots for everything that follows. (M: Playing fast and loose with these shots, I see.) (A: It’s the only way to get through this stuff. *knocks back shot*) (K: YUP.) Over the phone, Bela says that she totally meant to warn them the psycho killer was coming to get them, and that she didn’t think it was a big deal because there were two of them and one of him. Dean yells that he’s going to track her down and kill her, and he’s deadly serious about it. I mentally kick him in the nuts and take another shot as Bela hangs up, looking freaked.
K: Oh, for sure. But with less of a “you’re a woman, how dare you” vibe to it.
Across town, Gordon wakes chained to a mattressless bed. Probably because Sam and Dean stole all the mattresses in town. The two missing blonde girls are chained up across the room, blood on their chins. Dix-con walks in and tells the girls that it’s just temporary until the hunger passes. He gives each girl some blood and they slurp it greedily. Gordon watches in disgust, and accuses him of grabbing girls off the street and turning them into monsters. “I did what I had to. We’re a dying breed,” Dix-con snaps. And it’s all thanks to hunters like Gordon.
Gordon says that vampires are just bloodthirsty animals, which probably isn’t the best thing to say to a vampire who has you chained up, and Dix-con sneers “Right. We’re so much more bloodthirsty than you…” He talks about how hunters gleefully murdered his entire family, and Gordon spews some more vampire hate, saying that they’re less human than sewer rats. Dix-con glares at Gordon, then announces that he’s changed his mind about feeding Gordon to his new blonde harem. He slices Gordon’s forearm, then his own, and presses them together, infecting Gordon. “NOOOOOO!” Gordon screams.
Mari: Gordon has to blame himself a little bit for that one. It was not time to talk about how nasty vampires are.
Anna May: Friendly tip, mate, don’t insult a bloodthirsty monster when he’s got you tied up. No matter how badass you think you are. #LifeLessonsWithAnna
K: The inhabitants of Traumaland aren’t the brightest, it’s true.
Cut to Dean sharpening a machete in a way that would actually blunt it. (M: LOL.) (A: Doopid Dean. Minus three hunter points.) He says they can’t deal with the vampire issue until they’ve taken care of Gordon. Sam agrees, saying that they have to kill Gordon. Dean’s surprised – he thought Sam would be anti-murdering a human, but LOL NOPE. It’s them or Gordon, so Gordon has to go. Dean’s phone rings. It’s Bela, and he yells at her some more because we all need to do more shots, apparently. She tells him that she’d rather not be killed, so she contacted the spirits and found out where Gordon is. She gives them directions, then says that the spirits also recommended leaving town and not finding Gordon. The boys look surprised.
Mari: I’m surprised Bela did all that while driving. Girlfriend, that cannot be safe.
Anna May: I feel like those posters should be all over Sunnydale. (Who’s milking the Crossover Magic for all it’s worth? Not me no sir.)
K: Milk away, friend. It’s an important lesson for everyone!
Meanwhile Gordon is hanging from the ceiling by his wrists like the blonde girls. There’s a pounding noise in the background and the neon light from the street outside hurts his eyes. The zoomy cameraman gets carried away doing his thing on a pocket watch that’s lying on the floor, and the loud ticking is added to the background pounding noise. (A: That just made me think of the fobwatch in Doctor Who. Gordon’s a Time Lord now y’all.) (K: NO. I REFUSE.) Gordon yanks on his chains and manages to rip them from the ceiling. He pulls the chains off and heads for the door. The girls beg for help, and he looks back thoughtfully.
Cut to Gordon out on the street, struggling with the amount of light and noise. He sees a guy down the street changing a tyre and can hear his heart beating. He stops and stares at his reflection in a shop window as his fangs descend. We see the guy finish changing his tyre and climb back in his car. He goes to start the engine and Gordon pops up in the back seat (NYARGH) and lunges forward. We watch blood splatter across the window as the guy screams. Fade to black.
After the Not Commercial Break, the boys follow a blood trail into Dix-con’s lair. They find him kneeling by the headless, bloodstained bodies of the girls he turned, Gordon having “helped” them before he left. They sneak towards him, and he says with tears running down his face that they should just go ahead and kill him. Sam asks what happened, and he tells them it was Gordon. He should never have brought Gordon there, never sought revenge, he tells the boys. Now he’s facing eternity alone, and he can’t “think of a worse hell“. Dean thinks for a second and replies “Well. There’s Hell…”
Mari: Also, there’s turning more people. This seems awful defeatist of Dix-con.
Anna May: If at first you don’t succeed, Dix-con…
K: Dix-con says that he didn’t think because he didn’t care any more. He walks towards Dean as he says that not caring is like being dead already. It’s also a little bit like being hit over the head with the Look At The Parallels Do You See The Parallels hammer. (M: I HATE that hammer.) (A: The SPN writers are gonna give us permanent concussion with that damn hammer at this rate.) (K: Especially when they’ve also got the Anvil of Obviousness) He tells Dean to go ahead and kill him. Sam, meanwhile, is inspecting the bodies. He tells Dean that the heads were ripped off, not cut off. The boys exchange a horrified look as Sam asks Dix-con what he did to Gordon.
Kubrick’s Creepy Jesus Caravan. A dog barks outside and he goes to peer out the window. When he looks up, Gordon’s standing there. He asks if Gordon’s okay, and Gordon’s all “NOPE. Vampire now.” Kubrick says he’s sorry, and Gordon says that Kubrick has to kill him. But not yet. He has to let Gordon kill Sam first. It’s the one good thing he can do with his new vamp powers. Kubrick says a little fearfully that he can’t let that happen. Gordon turns to face a crucifix on the wall, and Kubrick backs away and grabs his knife, saying that he understands the whole one last good thing thing. Just as he goes to stab Gordon, Gordon spins around and shoves his hand into Kubrick’s chest. He pulls his hand out and watches the blood drip down his arm as Kubrick collapses against him. Gordon whispers an apology into Kubrick’s ear as he dies.
Mattress Central. It may be a motel room that they’ve stripped?? IDEK. Dean returns and tells Sam that he’s looked everywhere but there’s no sign of Gordon. And when the sun goes down, he’ll be practically unstoppable. He asks for Dean’s phone, saying that if Gordon knows their numbers, he can use the signal to find them. He pulls out the sim cards which are just sitting underneath the battery, not attached to anything??? Okay, show, whatever. Then he smashes the phones. Um. What’s wrong with the handset, dude??
Anna May: The Winchester Bros Have No Idea How Real Life Things Work, exhibit number #23049.
K: Accurate. Also, my brain saw the 2, 4 and 0 in that number and I started singing “Who am I? 24601!!!” because obviously.
Dean grabs the Colt and tells Sam that he’s going after Gordon. Sam, he says, is to stay put, out of harm’s way. Sam disagrees because Dean will get killed. Dean has no fucks to give because he’s dying anyway. Sam tells him to drop the act because he knows Dean’s terrified, Dean sasses some more, they bicker, blah blah manpain Dean won’t deal with the Hellfire on the horizon. The usual shit we go through every episode at the moment. Sam tears up and says he wants Dean to drop the act and just be his big brother again.
The orchestra keeps tinkling away as Dean barricades the door with a bedframe and Sam burns some herbs to hide their trail. Cut to sometime later. Sam’s keeping watch while Dean uses his machete to…trim his arm hair??? I literally don’t know. (A: Someone introduce him to Gilette.) A phone rings, and Sam’s all “The fuck, Dean? How does anyone have your number?” because they literally just got these phones. It’s Gordon. He says that Dean’s scent was all over the cell phone store. (M: And he hacked into the computers? Asked the workers and then killed them? Sniffed the cell phone number out of the air? IDK IDK.) (K: Shhhh, Mari. Don’t poke the plot holes.) Dean sasses that Gordon should come find them, but LOL NOPE. Gordon’s taken a girl hostage. She pleads for help before Gordon gives Dean instructions on where to find him. Dean begs him to let the girl go, because he’s still a hunter who doesn’t kill innocent people. “No. I’m a monster,” Gordon replies before flipping his phone closed. Fade to black.
After the Not Commercial Break, the boys arrive at the address Gordon gave them. They spot the girl, tied and gagged, and untie her. Dean picks her up to carry her to safety. He tells Sam to stay close, but Sam doesn’t stay QUITE close enough. A roller door drops between them. They each scream for the other and kick the door, but it’s no good. Dean yells to Sam to be careful. Obviously, the lights go out. Sam stumbles through the darkened warehouse, machete drawn and one arm out in front of him. He yells taunts at Gordon, who pops up and disappears before Sam can do anything. Kind of like how my little brother popped up behind our conservative voting family members at a function a few years ago and offered “I voted for the Greens because…” titbits before vanishing into the crowd. But, you know, more vampiric.
Mari: And probably less entertaining.
K: True. Tormenting conservative family members is the best.
We get some red fish eye camerawork of Sam stumbling around, and it’s clearly supposed to be Gordon’s vampire vision. He tells Sam that he’s lost his life but at least he’ll get to kill “the most dangerous thing I’ve ever hunted“: Sam. Sam tries to reason with him, saying that he’s clearly not a killer because he left the girl alive. Gordon’s all “yeeeeeeeeeah, about that…” Cut to Dean hammering on the roller door. The girl vamps out and lunges at him. He falls to the floor and pulls out the Colt, shooting her in the head. She sinks to the ground and Dean sighs with relief.
Back to the red fish eye vamp cam. Gordon says that Sam’s got everyone fooled and he knows what it’s like to walk around with something evil inside you. He says he’s going to kill himself when he’s done with Sam. Those will be his last two good deeds. He hurls himself at Sam, who’s backed into a corner, and they go flying through a wall. The lights aren’t off in this part of the warehouse, so Gordon’s lost his advantage. And miraculously, no one loses a limb to Sam’s flailing machete. (A: Frankly that might have made things more interesting.) Dean rushes up and aims the Colt at Gordon, but Gordon turns on him and slams Dean into a wall, biting his neck.
Mari: This is not the time for a snack, Gordon. Seriously, look at your life and choices.
K: “No!” Sam screams. He leaps up and starts fighting Gordon. When Gordon slams Sam into some shelves, he manages to grab a length of razor wire. He turns and flings it around Gordon’s neck, pulling the ends tight. Sam’s hands bleed, Gordon makes gurgling sounds and blood spurts before Sam finally manages to decapitate him.
Anna May: I was only half watching and didn’t realise it was razor wire the first time round, so I was really confused as to how Sam managed to strangle Gordon’s head off like that watermelon trick with the rubber bands. Though now I know it’s razor wire it’s a miracle Sam’s hands aren’t cut to ribbons.
K: I mean, they kind of are. But nowhere near the extent that they should be.
Sam stares at his bloody hands in shock. Dean struggles upright and looks equal parts impressed and scared by what Sam did. As they stumble away clutching their wounds, he says “You just charged a super-vamped-out Gordon with no weapon. That’s a little reckless, don’t you think?” Sam raises an eyebrow. Fade to black.
After the Not Commercial Break, they’re parked on the side of the road with Dean working on the Bromobile. Sam hands him a beer, Dean asks for a tool of some sort, then stops and thinks before asking Sam to join him. He starts rattling off a list of things that the engine rattle could be, and Sam’s confused as to why Dean’s telling him all this. Dean hands him a socket wrench and says that he wants Sam to fix the Bromobile. Sam’s shocked because Dean barely lets him drive. But Dean says a little ominously that Sam will need to know how in the future. You know, when Dean’s in Hell. They exchange a look, and Dean adds that it’s his job to teach his little brother these kinds of things.
This episode offered us precisely two good things: 1. The end of Gordon, a stupidly irritating character; and 2. Another Buffy/Angel alum. Other than that, this episode is pretty stupid. If we’d just had the Dix-con plotline, it might have been okay. But the Vamp!Gordon plot was just stupid, and I had no fucks to give about him or his random Sam vendetta. I mean, it’s not a BAD episode, per se. There were just a lot more Misogyny Shots than I’d really like…
Mari: Please. I think you wait anxiously for those shots, because shots. I didn’t like Gordon either because he was super over dramatic and it’s when this show (or like, all 7 episodes of this show I’ve actually seen) is taking itself too seriously that it’s at its worst. Still, this wasn’t a bad episode to jump in on! Also, take what I say about “not bad” things lightly; I recap Charmed.
Anna May: DING DONG GORDON’S DEAD. Onwards to hopefully less irritating antagonists. And as Misogyny Shot-worthy as he was, I’m with Kirsti– this episode could have focused more on the Dix-con plotline. A little more focus on the “vampires are people too” might have been fun. Well, more fun than vamp!Gordon at any rate.
K: Anything’s more fun than Gordon.
Next time on Supernatural: It’s Christmas time and the boys are on the trail of an evil Santa in Supernatural S03 E08 – A Very Supernatural Christmas.
I'm a 30-something librarian and I still live with my parents because I'm super broke. Leader of Team Heartless Cow. I have an inexplicable love for 90s television, eat too much chocolate, and read more than is good for me.
Writer, YouTuber, musician, pretentious idiot, swarm of angry bees in a human suit. Queer in every sense of the word, and not quiet about it. Several years into a plot to take over the BBC so I can become the new Doctor Who showrunner and fix all the problems.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
Pingback: Supernatural S03 E08 – Merry Murdermas()