Previously: Caleb gave Julie divorce papers, Sandy confronted Kirsten about her drinking, and Seth and Zach went to war over Summer.
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The O.Sea
Ryan: Hello! Deciding to guest write for Snark Squad was a slightly terrifying choice to make (all that EFFORT!), but it should be fun. My background with the OC only goes back to September of 2012 with SS’s first OC post, so this show is all new to me. Onto the craziness!
After the previouslies we fade into nighttime with Seth going into the pool house to wake up/bother Ryan. Or I guess it’s more to scare him awake because Ryan shoots up pretty quickly. Seth says that since it’s 5:30 and they’re both up they should try and do something, say, talk about Summer. Ryan reminds him that Summer is done with both Zach and Seth (prob just until the finale) and Seth should just accept that.
Marines: Also, Seth should accept that one day, he’s going to get punched in the face for waking people up at ungodly hours. Wait, maybe I need to accept that that isn’t going to happen, but I want it to real bad.
Ryan: Ryan shuts the light off and Seth immediately turns it back on because he absolutely must say that he wants to take Summer to prom. “We, as a couple… must partake in the magical rite of passage known as the prom.” Ryan shoots that idea down with cynicism, but Seth won’t listen. Seth says that Summer has fantasized about prom since 5th grade. Ryan continues with the cynicism by saying he won’t be going (obviously he will) and Seth still doesn’t care. Seth says that Trey leaving Marissa’s house doesn’t mean anything by using the lamest excuses, but Ryan doesn’t care. With all of this not caring I feel like there’s a honey badger joke to made, but it won’t be me! (M: Me either! Make your own at home.) Ryan says he’s going to talk to Marissa, but he doesn’t think she’ll talk to him.
The phone rings and Seth answers the phone. It’s Sandy, calling to tell them Kirsten was in a car accident. The boys leave for the hospital.
CALIFORNIAAAA.
Hospital. Sandy stares through a window at Kirsten in a hospital bed. Sandy walks in and says he’s glad she’s okay. Kirsten says she’s sorry and Sandy reassures her. Kirsten shows Sandy her wedding ring, which was cut off by the emergency crew. Sandy makes a little joke and they both smile as the boys walk in. Seth asks how she is and Sandy tells them that Kirsten only has a concussion. I was going to say something about that being impressive, but apparently it isn’t uncommon to have similar injuries after being flipped in a car.
Seth asks what happened and Kirsten half lies that it was because she was on the cell phone. Sandy looks on with concerned face as Kirsten tells the boys that she’ll just be lying on the couch for the day. Seth tells her he’ll lift the parental ban on his DVDs. Seth goes on about movies I haven’t heard of while Sandy gets called into the hall by a police officer.
Random Officer tries to get Kirsten of the hook by saying maybe he misread a blood alcohol content of .08 as .07 and Sandy says he doesn’t have to do that. Random Officer insists on his own way so long as Sandy gets Kirsten help.
Mari: I know this is a DUI but doesn’t it seem like kind of a jump from a DUI to GET HER HELP PLEASE? Just me?
Ryan: I’d say for Sandy it isn’t a huge jump, but Random Officer? HOW YOU KNOW THIS?!
Harbor High. Summer asks if the prom theme is underwater themed and suddenly the episode title makes sense. Marissa returns with a question about making paper maché octopuses. Summer says she should just ask Ryan. Marissa tells Summer that things aren’t great between her and Ryan. Summer is confused because everything seemed great and Marissa deflects. Summer asks if she’s okay and Marissa says she is, which is a lie because of course she isn’t.
Marissa asks if being prom queen is Summer’s dream. Summer says that dream involved a hot guy in a tux, so no. Summer says she has to choose between “nerd boy and ass-clown” and with the way those two are acting, I’m honestly not sure which is which.
Mari: It isn’t really worth it trying to keep them straight, either, so you’re fine.
Ryan: Summer seems to be trying to bow out of going, but Marissa says she has to go. Summer turns it around, saying that first Marissa has to work out her issues with Ryan. Marissa is dubious.
Casa de Cohen. Julie asks about Kirsten. Sandy blames himself for not noticing Kirsten’s problem sooner and Julie just waves it off. She only does this, of course, because she wants him to ask about her problems. Julie tries to deny her intent, but yet here I am not believing it. /shocking
Julie wants him to look at her prenup with Caleb that says if she’s with him for a year she gets 3 mill; otherwise she gets nothing. Julie says they’re at month 11 day 27, so Caleb clearly knows what he’s doing. She wants Sandy to find a loophole. Sandy says unless Julie can stop Caleb by Monday, it’s over. So she’s going to kill him, yeah?
Mari: Right. Like, I love you Sandy, but why would you say such an open-endedly evil thing to Julie Cooper? (R: Right!!)
Ryan: Harbor High. Seth meets Zach at Zach’s locker and they agree to put everything behind them. Like most things in this show, it won’t last more than 10 minutes. They ramble about how changed they are until they run into Summer. They ask for forgiveness and Summer refuses. She says that nothing will ruin her prom dream and one of them (she doesn’t care who) had better pick her up. The two are about to start fighting again when Zach gets a text that they need to meet Reed for lunch.
Eyebrow’s bedroom. Sandy brings Kirsten coffee and a pamphlet for rehab. Kirsten is put off, but Sandy says they can shed suspicion by saying it’s a trip. “In this town, a trip is always rehab,” Kirsten replies. Kirsten assures she was scared by the accident and will stop drinking, but Sandy isn’t so sure. As proof she tells him she’s going to the kitchen to pour out every drop of alcohol. She should really have sent it to Snark HQ instead of wasting it!
Mari: WE’VE GOT A WHOLE CABINET TO KEEP IT IN AND EVERYTHING. Plus, you just know it’s fancy, rich people alcohol. Mmm, mmm, mmm.
Ryan: Harbor High. Marissa looks oddly like a doll when she walks… Ryan stops her and rudely asks why Trey was leaving her home. In a very unconvincing tone she tells him it isn’t what it seems, but Ryan doesn’t stop. He assumes she and Trey hooked up, and Marissa is understandably upset. You know, because he sexually assaulted her. Which we haven’t spent really any time on. WHY SHOW??
Ryan still wants to know, but Marissa is on her way out. She tells Ryan to ask Trey what happened, which is probably a terrible idea. (M: Horrible. This will not end well because the only person who will use their words IS THE LYING LIAR WHO LIES.)
Diner. Seth tries to laugh off the comic book store events and fails. Zach actually apologizes. Reed tells them that GEORGE LUCAS is coming to the OC and wants to maybe make their graphic novel into a movie. Reed gives them the same deal Summer did. One of the has to take her to meet him and she doesn’t care which one. The boys are faced with a dilemma here.
Confession time! If it weren’t for my brother, I probably never would have seen any Indiana Jones or Star Wars movies and would not know who Lucas was.
Mari: Yeeeeah, let’s not ask about how well versed I am in Indiana Jones or Star Wars and move on.
Ryan: Casa de Cohen. Caleb comes to visit Kirsten. He’s upset at this “disgrace” and Sandy tells him to just leave if he’s going to be like this. Caleb insults Sandy a bit and Kirsten comes to intervene. Kirsten asks about work, and Caleb actually seems concerned for her. He places a lot of blame on her (sure) but then insinuates she doesn’t care about Seth and Ryan. Kirsten gets more upset. Caleb tells her she’s just an alcoholic like her mother. Kirsten gets completely furious, shouting at him that he drove her mother to drink and drove Hailey out of the house at 17.
Oof. I mean, she isn’t wrong, but it’s still such a terrible moment to watch.
Mari: YEP. Because Caleb is actually saying things she needs to hear but they are coming from Caleb. So.
Ryan: Trey’s Place. Ryan knocks on Trey’s door with no answer. Ryan leaves him a message telling him to call him.
Harbor High. Summer is listening to music as Zach and Seth approach. Seth says there has to someone she hates more so the prom choice should be obvious. Apparently Summer really doesn’t care. I’m pretty sure she should just go with neither. They almost flip a coin until Zach realizes they should wait until it’s too late to change their minds.
Casa de Cohen. Seth walks into the pool house to talk to Ryan. Seth asks about Trey and Marissa and Ryan says he knows nothing new. Seth says he should just believe Marissa because Ryan has to go to prom, where everything will be fixed. And where, if Veronica Mars taught us anything, babies will be born. They talk more about prom and nothing new is said.
Gruesome Twosome Mansion. Caleb rings the doorbell (to his own house) and Julie asks if it’s a booty-call (in her own house). They go upstairs for Caleb’s sleeping pills. Caleb mentions he had the worst fight ever with Kirsten and Julie tells him to just apologize. I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess he ignores her advice.
Mari: Julie is being oddly likable.
Ryan: Caleb says Julie surprises him sometimes (because she actually has good advice for once I guess) and she goes to get his pills. She contemplates the pills and I become even more sure that she’s going to kill him. She asks him on a date and he agrees. He leaves and we go to the bathroom where Julie uncovers the real sleeping pills.
Mari: Wow, this is awkward; I just said Julie was being likable.
Ryan: Next day at Harbor High. Ryan and Marissa interact. Ryan actually took Seth’s advice to believe Marissa and they are now going to prom. Not Dead Pool Girl (Jessica, I think?) looks on as they make out.
Casa de Cohen. Sandy walks into the kitchen where Kirsten stares into space. She’s worried about her fight with Caleb, but Sandy assures her that you can’t be rid of Caleb for long. They decide to stay in and rebuild their relationship.
Harbor High. Not Dead Pool Girl stares at Ryan. She tries to wedge between Ryan and Marissa via Trey. She calls Marissa Trey’s “sloppy seconds” which is 1. gross and 2. false, because Ryan was literally there first and even though Marissa is Marissa she never belonged to either. Not Dead Pool Girl insinuates things and tells Ryan that Trey left for Chino.
Coin toss in Seth’s Room. They flip the coin and because TV we don’t find out who gets what.
Gruesome Twosome Mansion. Julie is breaking Caleb’s sleeping pills into his drink. Caleb arrives and she brings him the drinks. He wants scotch instead so she goes back into the kitchen.
Mari: There is that hilarious TV moment where he pauses for a reaaaally long time before he drinks. No one does this.
Ryan: Bar Where Marissa Got Assaulted By Pool Players. Shouldn’t Ryan be getting ready for the prom? He talks to Trey about Marissa, but first Trey buys drinks. Trey starts his story that he and Marissa got drunk on the beach and stuff happened. He says that Marissa threw herself at him and I can’t stand him. (M: HATE.) Ryan says he doesn’t believe him, there’s way too much silence, then Ryan asks again if he’s lying. Trey says no again and Ryan leaves.
Outside, Ryan calls Marissa and calls off going to prom. THAT’S WHEN THERESA SHOWS UP WHAT?!
After we fade to black, we go to Theresa and Ryan walking together. She lies that she’s just visiting and that she’s fine. They discuss Trey and Marissa and Theresa tells Ryan obviously Marissa is the truther. They reach Theresa’s house and she stops him from entering because secret child. It seems hard to believe that’s where this season started O.O
Mari: When I saw Theresa I was a little, “WHAT? WHY?” but then she was talking #truth and #sense and I was so happy to see her. Then secret baby and I don’t know what my feelings are anymore.
Ryan: Inside, Theresa and her mom gush over the baby.
Robert’s Residence. A white limo comes to get Summer and inside is… Zach! He looks happy, Summer has a flash of disappointment. Clearly, she wanted Seth to come for her.
The O. Sea. Marissa was having trouble making an octopus; where did she get this gigantic clam shell and mermaid?? (M: Maybe there’s a YouTube tutorial for that.)
Summer and Zach enter the prom, and Summer goes to talk to Marissa. Marissa tells Summer that Ryan is sick and Summer will have none of it. Marissa says she’s fine and walks away.
Fancy Restaurant. Seth fanboys over George Lucas. Seth asks if George Lucas went to his prom, and George says no. He regrets it though and encourages Seth to go in a roundabout way. (M: What is even happening?)
The O. Sea. Zach and Summer dance, but are interrupted by texts from Reed. Zach starts to talk about Seth, but stops himself. Summer: “If you have to talk yourself into this, you probably shouldn’t be here.” Zach tries to convince her he wants to be there, but he and Summer realize that neither of them is doing exactly what they wanted. Summer convinces him to go to the George Lucas meeting.
Fancy Restaurant. Seth is relating his prom woes to George Lucas when Zach walks in and calls him over. Outside, Zach and Seth decide they both want to be in the other place and switch places.
Casa de Cohen. Kirsten walks into the family room where Sandy is recommending Shaun of the Dead, a movie I have not seen, but would like to. (M: #snarkathon contender!) Kirsten wants to bail for a bath, but waits for food. Sandy tells her to just take a bath and they can reheat the food. Sandy goes to pay the takeout guy and when he finds he’s out of cash, he goes into Kirsten’s purse where he finds a container of booze. (M: She is really bad at hiding her booze. I know that’s not the point, but you know.)
Gruesome Twosome Pool. Julie pops out of the pool to convince Caleb to drink his drugged drink. He stalls and I’m pretty sure he knows what she’s trying to do. They get about as loving as Julie Cooper and Caleb Nichol can, then toast. Just before Caleb drinks, Julie stops him saying it needs lime. She dumps the drugged drink in the sink.
The O. Sea. Summer and Marissa lament their dateless prom. Summer says that prom is a let down, like New Years. As I recall, though, the New Year’s episode in season 1 was pretty eventful for Marissa… The girls decide to leave prom to watch The Valley just as Prom Queen and King are announced. Summer is the prom queen, while Zach is chosen as King.
The announcer calls them up to dance. It’s pretty awkward until Seth arrives and runs up on stage. In a pretty grand gesture, Seth proclaims his love of Summer to the whole room and she asks him to dance. There’s this extra in the background shouting “Seth’s a tool! He’s a tool!” which made me LOL pretty hard. (M: SAME. Lol. He is a tool.)
Marissa dead-eye stares at them as every single person turns to their partner. I find it very hard to believe that the student body is made of an even number of boys and girls and that only couples went to the prom. Marissa goes outside when Ryan walks up behind her. They hug and sway and the way they’re clinging to each other looks really uncomfortable.
The music carries us into the Gruesome Twosome’s pool where Julie is making Caleb a new drink. Caleb appears to be having a heart attack as we cut between him and Julie. He falls into the pool and Julie walks out, seeing him underwater. She screams his name and dives into the pool to save him.
Mari: This was super conveniently timed. Death was in the cards for Caleb tonight.
Ryan: At Casa de Cohen, Sandy is staring thoughtfully when Kirsten walks into the kitchen. He confronts her about her “stash” and lets her know his disappointment. Kirsten tries to defend herself, but Sandy isn’t budging. They’re interrupted by a phone call from Julie about Caleb. Sandy hangs up and tells Kirsten the bad news; Caleb is dead. Kirsten looks shocked and grabs her booze on the way out as Sandy just stares after her. Is it bad I feel worse for Kirsten than that Caleb is dead and Julie will probably be under suspicion for murder?
Next time: Witness all the drinking, drama, and if we’re lucky, face punching in finale, The OC S02 E24 – The Dearly Beloved.
I'm an avid mystery fan who dabbles in just about every other genre. I spend most of my days shelving books, writing papers, reading books, and watching more TV than should be possible.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
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