Previously: Kirsten met another recovering alcoholic and Julie Cooper was evil.
—
The Shape of Things to Come
GFM: We start in the Cohen kitchen, where it looks like rabid raccoons have just finished having a banquet. Haha, nope. The kitchen is filthy because the lady of the house has been away, and we all know only women know how to keep a kitchen clean. (M: It’s coded in that extra X chromosome. #science)
Sandy Eyebrows Cohen is expressing how important it is for them all to still eat together as a family because it’s a special day for Seth and Ryan; the first day of their senior year. Attending high school in Canada, I don’t really get the whole ‘yay, senior year’ thing, but enough of these TV shows tell me it’s a big deal, so who am I to argue with TV?
They’re interrupted by the doorbell. Sandy answers the door to find Julie there with a major case of serious face on.
She’s come to tell Sandy that the parents of Harbor School are gathering their pitchforks signatures in the form of a petition, and have filed a motion — IS THIS A REAL THING, AMERICAN FRIENDS? Do parents file motions to get their kids’ classmates kicked out of school?– to have Marissa and Ryan expelled. Ruh roh.
Marines: I’ve never heard of such a thing. If I had to go to school with Marissa, though, maybe I’d invent it and pretend it was a thing.
GFM: That is a very valid point.
CALIFORNIA, HERE WE COME!
After the credits, the gang is ordering breakfast at any breakfast joint, California. Marissa asks for pancakes with extra butter and for some reason, this makes me laugh more than it should. Summer is sad-pandaing about how everything about this year is the last of everything, because it’s their senior year. She talks about how hard the summer was for all of them, but they made it through, and they’re all together.
So they should make this the BEST! YEAR! EVER!
Seth and Ryan don’t look convinced. I’m not convinced, either, boys!
At Harbor, Julie is waiting outside of the Principal’s office, and Sandy rocks up. He asks where Jimmy is, and hey, I’d forgotten all about Jimmy! He’s seeing a client or something, so he couldn’t make it to the meeting that decides whether or not his daughter might be expelled from school. Father of the Year. The principal invites them into her office.
Principal Kim is explaining that no student at Harbor has ever been involved in a shooting, and the other parents want Ryan and Marissa out. Now, my memory is a bit foggy, but I’m pretty sure Marissa was involved in the shooting because she was trying to stop her attempted-rapist from strangling Ryan to death? And Ryan’s ‘involvement’ was being present when the shooting happened? …Okay. Just checking.
Mari: Mmmm? Whatcha say?
(Sorry. Never gonna give that up.)
GFM: Anyway, Julie tells Dr. Kim that her daughter is the beautiful, Chanel-clad student, she’s no ‘gansta’. I throw up a little and request that Julie never, ever say ‘gansta’ again. But good stereotyping, there, Julie! I guess I shouldn’t be so hard on her, because she is trying to advocate for her kid, so +1 for giving parenting a shot.
Dr. Kim tells them the decision is out of her hands, as she’s passed the buck to the Doogie Howser of Deans, Daniel Meade Jack Hess. He’s the new Dean of Discipline and — is this REALLY a thing? High schools have Deans? And there’s one even to handle discipline? And do they out rank the principal, who’s the boss of everything? My mum’s a principal and her job would be so much easier if she could hire Deans of Random Shit and then delegate her responsibilities to them.
Mari: I think all our lives would be easier! “Here, let me direct you to my Dean of Bill Paying. MOOOOOM?”
GFM: Dean Doogie tells Sandy and Julie that he’s all up-to-date on their case and his 6 years’ worth of teaching experience has CLEARLY made him qualified for what sounds like a made-up job to me. The Dean tells Sandy and Julie that he’ll make a decision by the end of the day. But that it isn’t his job to make people happy. Or some other attempt at badassery. Sorry, I’m not buying your ‘I’m a hard-ass’ thing, Daniel Meade. Thanks to crossover magic, I know you grow up to take the fashion magazine world by storm.
Jimmy meets his ‘client’ at a bar, where they order scotch on the rocks at sometime in the morning? I want to go to business meetings like this. Jimmy is promising Scotch-on-the-Rocks man that he will pay him back all the money he owes. Scotch-on-the-rocks guy does the cliched ‘You better pay me my money or else’ speech. Jimmy promises again that he’ll get the guy his money. (M: THIS AGAIN?)
At Harbor, Marissa and Summer are walking through the halls, chatting about social comittee and Marissa is drinking from a take-away coffee that is clearly an empty cup. Why do they always give actors empty cups to drink from? It’s obvious that it’s empty; no one swings around a cup containing hot liquid the way these actors do. And while I’m ranting, when did Marissa decide that shortening ‘Summer’ to ‘Sum’ was a good idea? I seem to only be noticing it in this season and it’s making my eye twitch. No. Just. Stop.
The girls arrive at the social comittee meeting to find that Taylor Townsend has taken over planning of some back to school carnival, standing at a podium with a huge notebook. Taylor claims that she only started the meeting because she wasn’t sure Marissa would make it, because of that whole shooting business. Summer sasses Taylor right down from her podium, and yup, I see that Taylor totally is wearing a sweater tied around her shoulders.
Taylor’s preppy game is strong.
Back in the Cohen Kitchen of Uncleanliness, Ryan is cleaning up while Seth is putting together some self-help books for his mother in rehab. Seth, who’s a lot less irritating so far than he was last season, gives Ryan relationship advice, saying Ryan must talk things over with Marissa, before the bad stuff blows up into a big problem.
Over in the rehab clinic, Seven of Nine (my true nerd shines through! Yes, that’s a Star Trek reference.) is hovering while Kirsten is packing her suitcase. Kirsten tells Seven of Nine, whose character’s name is Charlotte, how much she’s looking forward to going home, but she’s still nervous. Seven of Charlotte warns Kirsten that going straight home might cause Kirsten to relapse, and she offers up her family’s cottage as a good place for the two of them to transition into life after rehab. I don’t trust Seven at ALL.
Julie and Jimmy are having drinks and when the bill arrives, he makes the lame, cliched ‘I forgot my wallet’ excuse for not picking up the tab. This is the show’s way of subtly telling us, the audience, that Jimmy is having money troubs. Thanks, show. Hadn’t figured that out yet! Julie’s cellphone rings and it’s Dean Doogie calling to give Julie his decision.
In the next scene, Sandy is talking to the Dean on the phone, but of course, we’re only hearing Sandy’s side of the story to keep us in suspense. Sandy goes out to the patio where Ryan is watching Seth grill dinner. We find out that Ryan has been spared expulsion, but Marissa is getting the boot from school. I LOL’ed forever at this, because, what are privacy rules and regulations on TV shows like this? This makes me irrationally angry, because a representative from a school would never be allowed to discuss a student with another parent. Nope, nope, nope.
But, again, TV. Reality has no place in this world. Sandy seems really bummed that he can’t save the day for Marissa. Do all the men in this show have a ‘fixer’ complex?
Back at rehab, Kirsten gives Sandy the news that she’s not coming home straight away, but will first go to live with Charlotte at her parents’ cottage. The hits just keep coming for poor Eyebrows this episode.
Mari: All of this forced tension and recycling of plot lines makes me want to poke my own eyes out.
GFM: The next morning, the gang brings Marissa breakfast and some of Summer’s –or should I say Sum’s?– toys to cheer her up. I know toy horses always made me feel better when I got expelled from school, so A for effort there.
Ryan tells Marissa that he’s going to do whatever it takes to get Marissa back to Harbor. Careful, there, Ryan. Sweeping declarations rarely work on TV shows like yours! (M: This is definitely going got end in a face punch.) (G: Foreshadowing at its finest?)
Julie enters her bedroom to tell Jimmy’s she’s got an idea to get Marissa back in the good books at Harbor. She suggests they donate to the school in order to help Habor forget about that whole shooting thing. Jimmy tells Julie that he doesn’t think it will work (probably because he owes all the money to his ‘clients’). Julie gives a good speech about how it’s important, because it’s their daughter’s future and my cold heart melts a little for this display of maternal protectiveness from Julie. I feel like we so rarely see this character playing the mother role, so good for her. Jimmy caves and is all ‘Okay, what were you thinking, $2,000 or $3,000?’ LOL, NOPE. Julie tells him that some other kid’s parents donated a pool for their kid and he only smoked pot. She was thinking they’d have to donate at least a hundred grand. You know, as one does.
Mean Girl Taylor is heading up another social committee meeting and Summer crashes it to find out if anyone else can ‘try out’ to be the head of the committee. That doesn’t go over well with Taylor and she gets scary intense about it and asks if Summer even knows what it’s like to have all the responsibility and no power. Taylor, girl, I actually do. But I’ve decided to quit getting mad about it, because apparently that’s what being an adult is all about. All the responsibility. None of the power. Let. It. Go. It’ll give you ulcers.
Mari: And premature wrinkles. I don’t know what you are doing with your face, Taylor, but it’s scary and I’m sure it’ll give you premature wrinkles.
GFM: Seven of Charlotte and Kirsten arrive at the fake!halfwayhouse for rich people fresh from rehab. Charlotte makes some comment about how her father is all worried about security as she unlocks one lock. ONE lock means her father’s obsessed with security? Would hate to find out what Charlotte thinks about me when she sees the three locks and a chain on my door. Anyway. Charlotte notices Kirsten sad-pandaing and correctly guesses it’s about Sandy. Charlotte tells Kirsten to invite Sandy over for dinner, because she’s been dying to meet Kirsten’s fabulous Eyebrows— errr, husband. Don’t do it, Kirsten! It’s a trap. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED.
Ryan drives up to Harbor and, as all the rich and beautiful do at this school, he leaves his car’s window down. At least he’s not also locking said vehicle and leaving the window all the way down. Cuz that would just be crazy.
Ryan goes to meet with Dr. Kim to plead Marissa’s case. Dr. Kim is having none of it, but Ryan persists. Dr. Kim tells Ryan he’ll have to talk to Dean Doogie.
Seth visits Summer at Chez Roberts. He wants to go out for food, but Summer is being too melodramatic about how senior year is already ruined. Then my favourite Seth-Summer interaction of the episode happens, and I searched the internet for a gif set of it, but the internet failed me. THANKS FOR NOTHING, INTERNET. Summer tells Seth that though she isn’t interested in being Social Chair, she wants to save Marissa’s legacy… and I’m left wondering if Marissa actually cared this much about this? I didn’t care enough to notice, but I find it hard to believe that Marissa has interest in anything outside of herself.
Jimmy goes back to meet up with Scotch-man again, to tell him that not only is Jimmy unable to pay him back, but he kinda-sorta needs a loan of $100K. To help his daughter.
Mari: DAMMIT. How do I keep hating Jimmy Cooper more?
GFM: At Harbor, Ryan and Marissa go to see Dean Doogie. Dean Doogie is kind of a huge dick and tells Marissa that he’s believing all the gossip he’s been hearing. So super professional job, there, Dean of Discipline. Gold star. He’s badgering her about past transgressions and tells her that she’s the troubled kid, especially as she’s showing no remorse for shooting her attempted rapist who was strangling her friend to death. Yeah, I’m not sure I would show remorse in this case, but who am I to judge Dean Jerkpants? Clearly, he’s the most professional and super excellent at his job.
Marissa has a badass moment where she tells the Dean that she’s proud of what she did and she’d do it again. And her face is awesome. She’s trying so hard to look like a bad ass.
GOOD FOR YOU, MARISSA. Then she storms out.
As a dejected-looking Ryan leaves, Jerkface Dean gives one last dig about how Marissa is never coming back to Harbor. Ever.
The Dean is way too personal and petty for a school administrator, and it makes me irrationally angry. Can I just punch him in the face forever?
Mari: THANK YOU. It is seriously making me uncomfortably angry. I think I usually get like this about educators/people in position of power being shitty to kids. Or dating their students EZRA FITZ. Or otherwise being horrible and taking advantage of their dependent status. I hate hate hate hate this.
GFM: I come from a family of teachers, so I used to think maybe I was just over-sensitive to these kinds of problematic educator-student relationships. But nope, I hate hate haaaate when shows do this because it’s wrong, ugly and terrible.
After the notabreak! Summer is plotting to figure out how to beat Taylor at her own game. Seth tells her that she’s approaching it all wrong, and instead Summer needs to find what she’s good at and use that to become the prom queen or carnival lead or whatever it is she’s trying to be. But I’m impressed that Seth seems to be coming out of his self-obsessed shell long enough to be supportive and helpful. Good job, S3 Seth! Ryan mopes into the room and Summer directs Seth to go talk to Ryan.
Ryan is moody and wants to do his talking with his fists in the face of Dean Jerkface. I feel you, Ryan. I’d like to punch him, too, but apparently New!Ryan doesn’t punch people in the face. And I am the most disappointed.
Jimmy presents Julie with the cheque for $100K. Julie tells him about Marissa’s meeting with Dean Jerkface and that no amount of money will get Marissa back to Harbor. Jimmy relaxes, cuz he can ‘pay back’ his ‘client’. But Julie has other plans and takes the cheque to pay the staff, as they haven’t been paid since Caleb died. Sorry, Jimmy. Maybe don’t be a lying liar that lies?
At the carnival, Taylor is gathering the troops when Summer and Seth rock up. Taylor is thrilled to have Summer there, and even happier that she brought a little friend. Seth’s reaction is priceless and I’m happy to not hate him this season. Yay, Seth.
Summer shares her ideas, and basically throws money and trendy ideas at Taylor’s minions that gets them all on Summer’s side. Taylor really needs to do a better job of screening her minions.
Sandy arrives at the notahalfwayhouse and Seven of Charlotte introduces herself. Sandy tells Charlotte that he doesn’t agree with this whole hide-away in the cottage thing. Charlotte does some charming and seems to get ol’ Eyebrows on her side. Sort of.
Back at the Coopers’, Ryan is trying to talk Marissa into going to the carnival. Marissa gets… angry?…I think the emotion she’s trying out here is angry. She’s yelling at Ryan, telling him that she didn’t need protecting and I think they sort of have the conversation Seth had told Ryan was so important to have. Ryan storms out, and Marissa cries.
After the notabreak! we’re at the carnival. Taylor’s former minions come over to tell Summer they love the carnival and the ‘mini burgers’ (Do they mean sliders? Were those not a thing then?) (M: The OC invented sliders!) (G: Did we just discover the ONE thing we can thank the OC for?!?) and love how Summer defeated Taylor. Reminding me of the worst traits of fickle, awful, terrible, mean teenage girls. Girls in high school were the worst.
Sandy finds Ryan sitting by the pool and comments on how he figured Ryan would be at the carnival. Ryan explains how he’s sad-pandaing about Marissa and how he wants to SAVE THE DAY! Sandy tells him to just listen to Marissa instead of trying to fix everything for her.
Cut to Julie and Jimmy having dinner. Jimmy’s saying cliche things that make me feel like a proposal— yup, there’s the ring. He asks Julie to marry him, with her ‘old ring’. She says yes. I die from shock and surprise.
Ryan finds Marissa moping at the beach. How do these kids always seem to find each other when they’ve run off to feel sorry for themselves? This was a weird time of flipphones and no GPS trackers. Ryan and Marissa talk about… something. There is some mutual appologizing, but I’m kind of bored with these two already. Again.
Mari: BECAUSE IT’S THE SAME SCENES OVER AND OVER. And everyone just finds each other to say like two things and storm out. And then find each other again. If you all would just stay in the same room together long enough, you’d eliminate 72% of all your problems.
GFM: Oooh, and they could eliminate 72% of the show. Preferably the scenes with Marissa.
Back to the carnival. Taylor comes over to Mean Girl to Summer about how Marissa isn’t seeing the fun of the carnival. Summer tells Taylor that Marissa is coming, so there!
Summer actually didn’t know that Marissa was on her way, so she’s all the more happy to see Marissa and Ryan when they turn up. It’s a teen drama miracle!
At the notahalfwayhouse for rich people fresh from rehab, Kirsten finds a crying Seven of Charlotte by the water and Charlotte confesses that she hasn’t been completely truthful to Kirsten. And I shout ‘I knew it!’ at the screen. She shows Kirsten a bottle of booze and says she hasn’t but might start drinking again. She blubbers about how she can’t do it without Kirsten and so on and I’m still not buying this act. Kirsten takes the bottle of booze and goes back to the cottage. Seven of Charlotte pulls a flask from her robe and takes a drink.
Back at the carnival, the fab four are enjoying a trip on the ferris wheel. Taylor gets Dean Jerkface to kick Marissa out of the carnival and he grabs Marissa a little too roughly than required because there is NO WAY HE SHOULD BE PUTTING HIS HANDS ON THIS GIRL.
Ryan hauls off and punches the Dean right in the mouth and I’m a little too happy about this. (M: ME TOO!) The Dean gleefully tells Ryan that he’s expelled now too! Yay, Ryan and Marissa against the world. The Dean tells them they’re not welcome at school ever again.
I kinda want Ryan to punch Dean Jack Hess again, because like, fuck this guy. Seriously.
FUCK YOU, DEAN JERKPANTS.
An emo acoustic version of California plays while Ryan and Marissa walk away in slow-motion, glancing back sadly at the gathered crowd. Roll credits.
This episode definitely left me hating Seth a lot less than I did last season. I found Summer cute at times, annoying as fuck at others. And Marissa still leaves me cold, so yay for consistency there.
And Dean Jack Hess? NOPE NOPE NOPE. He has that creepy, inappropriate, overly-involved-in-these-teenagers’-lives thing going on.
I have to say honourable mention for some pretty awesome tunes in this episode: Death Cab for Cutie’s Soul Meets Body, a neat cover of ‘Get The Party Started’ and of course, Franz Ferdinand’s Do You Want To. All songs 21-year-old me had on mix CDs.
The music almost made up for the fact that I realized my favourite character on the OC still won’t be introduced til season 4. I said it almost made up for it.
Thanks for having me again, Snark Squad!
Next time on The OC: Lack of school spirit gets Seth and Summer in trouble in S03 E03 – The End of Innocent.
Fuchsia-haired, caffeine enthusiast, dog person, Raptors fan, sometimes blogger, music & social media geek, freelancer, human being. She/her.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
Pingback: The OC S03 E03 – The Eyebrows Can Only Take So Much()