Previously: Ezra was shot and a cheer rose up from all the land!
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EscApe From New York
Marines: The happiest two seconds of the entire series happen when an EMT says Ezra’s pulse is getting weaker. The only one who is sad about this is Aria. Her friends hold her back and tell her she shouldn’t go with Ezra to the hospital because then the pesky cops will start asking her questions. Apparently, no one from the NYPD notices Aria hyperventilating after Ezra; they are busy questioning Noel Khan. Alison is on a fire escape, watching the ambulance ride by. A is– TRUE STORY– riding on the top of the ambulance like some kind of extra-deranged Spider-Man. I hate this show.
Jessica: A deranged. Spider-Man. That is all.
Mari: SHHHHHH.
After the credits, Ezra is being wheeled into the ER. A hooded A follows after him, and no one notices or cares.
Outside of a store somewhere, the girls are lightly arguing about what their next steps should be and whether Ezra is a target or Ali is a target or maybe everyone is a target. I’m not really following what they are proposing, but I do know that Hanna calls the NYPD and says “the guy who was just shot” is Ezra Fitz and his life might still be in danger. 1- I’m sure the 9-1-1 operator is like, “ah yes! The guy who was just shot. I know exactly who you mean.” 2- I hope to God that’s a burner phone and I missed that part while I was purposefully paying 47% attention and 3- SHE ISN’T EVEN TRYING TO DISGUISE HERSELF.
Anyway, more of the plan I’m not really following involves the girls splitting up. (J: Don’t worry about not following. They did the thing again where all the interesting/useful stuff happens offscreen and it’s supposed to be tension but actually we’re just confused.) Aria goes with Alison and Hanna hands over the gun she grabbed from A, just in case. Emily reminds them that they are going to make “the call” in 10 minutes. Ali and Aria take off and Emily watches them worriedly. Spencer tries to hurry her along because they have to get to the hospital. Emily reminds her that A is always one step ahead of them and Spencer says that might be true, but Alison has managed to be fake dead for 4 seasons so either she can take care of herself or this show is badly written. I mean, Spencer doesn’t say that, but I’m sure that’s what she means.
Hastings House. Mariska Mom is still fielding calls from the Pretty Little Moms while Melissa broodily steeps her tea and Shitbag Hastings pretends he cares about his daughter. After the call, Mariska Mom says she really hopes that the Liars only saw Alison one month ago, when the picture Detective Holbrook has was taken. It would make sense since one month ago is when all the pills and lying started. Melissa says it’s just like Alison to cause all this trouble, but Mariska Mom says she’s trying to reserve judgement. I hate to agree with Melissa, but she brings some much needed truth here when she points out that it’s one thing to run away and another to fake your own death.
Melissa starts crying, not for Alison, but for whoever was really buried in her grave. Mariska Mom says the LOLPD will figure out who that girl is. Maybe. Eventually. Season 7 episode 23.5. Melissa says there is something Mariska Mom needs to know. Shitbag Hastings glares at her a little, but any sort of revelations is swiftly interrupted by the sound of a car and then the doorbell ringing. When the Hastingses look outside, they see flashing police lights.
Aria and Alison get off the subway and decide that whatever plan they are in the middle of can take a little pause while they have a chat on the street about Ezra following A who was following the Liars. Alison again says that Ezra was probably looking for Alison to win Aria back. AND I STILL DON’T UNDERSTAND IN WHAT BACKWARDS WORLD, “HEY, THE GIRL I WAS STALKING YOU TO FIND? I FOUND HER TO WIN YOU BACK!” would be a thing. (J: Ugh, Ezra.) Alison asks if Ezra has a chance, but Aria can’t think about that right now. Not because Ezra is scum of the earth, but because she doesn’t know if he’s alive.
Hastings House. Holbrook came over to tell them that CeCe escaped police custody because OF COURSE. THE LOLPD. (J: Their incompetence knows no bounds.) This is relevant to them because CeCe knew that Alison was alive and he believes she knows where the Liars are. If CeCe is mixed up in “this,” then Spencer is in super danger. His strategy is apparently not going after CeCe, but visiting this family in the middle of the night and being all, “okay, no, seriously? Anything you want to tell me?” Melissa steps forward a little but Papa Hastings stops her and answers that they’ve told Holbrook everything. Meanwhile, CeCe crosses a state line in a stolen patrol car. Probably.
J: Again, more interesting stuff happening offscreen! I would have loved to see that instead of this awkward midnight visit.
Mari: Somewhere, Mona is watching news coverage of the missing Liars. She puts on her leather jacket in a Toby Edit kind of way and tells someone we can’t see that this changes everything. Except for the part where anything at all changes on this show. (J: A+ to this entire paragraph)
Hospital. A has put a lab coat over his/her black hoodie because he/she is a master of disguise. We watch A take the coat off and loudly throw it in a bin right near two officers who notice absolutely nothing.
Ezra is in surgery. Things are going badly and the surgeon tells him not to die. I tell the surgeon to shut her whore mouth.
Emily, Hanna and Spencer arrive at the hospital and immediately spot A, who is now just wandering the halls in full view, I guess. They double back a bit and Hanna asks what they do now. “We wait,” Spencer replies. So the plan so far is, “see A, hide from A, wait.” I think. They grab reading material and situate themselves in the waiting room.
Alison and Aria run into the hospital next. Aria asks for Ezra at a nurse’s station.
Emily, Hanna and Spencer are spotted by A who sends out a group text message that reads, “it’s happening. Follow the leader.” Meanwhile, Alison gets paged to the emergency room. Aria tells Ali to get out of there.
In the waiting room, Emily, Hanna and Spencer see A cross in front of them. They all stand and walk toward A, who gets on an elevator. Then, they stand there and watch him/her on the elevator for a few seconds, because. Spencer pushes the other girls toward the stairs.
Alison leaves the hospital and A follows behind her.
Aria finds the operating room but two cops are posted out in front of it. I don’t know if she would’ve just waltzed right into the operating room if those cops hadn’t been there. Probably. She sits down in the waiting room instead.
Alison keeps walking nervously, checking over her shoulder a lot and crossing the street without looking both ways. A ends up pretty close behind her so she starts running. A doesn’t run after her because villains are above running. Alison decides to hide behind some park equipment? Mostly so we can get that amazing trope of the equipment noisily moving of its own accord. A voice asks, “wanna play?”
After a cut to black, A tells Alison it’s over and she dramatically says it’s not. Spencer steps out from BEHIND A TREE. I laugh so much at this and I don’t even know why. She was hiding behind a tree. Classic. Emily and Hanna step forward too and they are so proud of themselves, they reveal their master plan to A line by line. They paged Alison so A would know she was there and then they followed her out so she wouldn’t be alone. Alison calls A and then hits him with mace. Behind them, though, another A asks, “are you sure that’s A?” And suddenly, all kinds of A are coming out from A+ hiding spots like trees and swing sets. They press in around the girls, and kind of run around them, shoving them occasionally, like an extra-deranged mosh pit. (J: Don’t forget the random music along with it. Kind of electronic, meant to be threatening, but in my head I was just hearing Benny Hill.) This goes on for a hilarious amount of seconds before a police cruise happens by and tells everyone to break it up. The Liars hide from the police behind a slide, and a badly dubbed over line informs us they realize that A is always one step ahead of them. The “bright side” is supposedly that they got A away from Ezra, but that depends on who you ask. My bright side was clearly Spencer and that tree.
Mona is also pacing as she talks on a cell phone. She tells whoever that they are mobilizing. When she hangs up, she tells the other person in the room, Lucas, that the Liars are in New York. Lucas thought there would be more people and Mona tells him that they are coming.
Hastings House. The house is dark. Melissa comes downstairs and turns on the kitchen light, only to be startled when she sees Shitbag Hastings [SH] sitting there. She tells him that she can’t keep her secret anymore. She wants to tell Holbrook the truth and she thinks that when Spencer finds out, she’ll have a reason to come home. SH just stares at her, like a creep. He stands and gets closer to Melissa, and she leans away from him, because clearly she knows her father is in fact a creep. He’s just reaching for more booze, but still. SH says that Mariska Mom can never know about their secret, which will probably turn out to be nothing.
LOLPD. Holbrook is staring at an article about Alison because apparently this is his version of detective-ing. He gets a call from a detective with the NYPD, presumably telling him about Ezra Fitz being shot. Holbrook says he’ll look into Fitz, so I guess he’s never heard of Fitz before? In all of his investigations? I guess that’s believable. I forget that not everyone thinks he’s the super villain.
Aria is still at the hospital. Via phone call, she fills in the other Liars about Ezra still being in bad shape (HOORAY!). She’s going to stick around the hospital but she thinks it’d be too obvious to have all of the Liars there. She tells them to get somewhere safe and hangs up. As it is, Emily, Hanna, Spencer and Alison are just hanging out on the street. Alison knows a place they can go.
Said place ends up being an empty theater. Alison turns on the lights and the other Liars are impressed. Alison heads into an Ali-back and we see that she’s with Ezra on a date. Hold please.
J: Ugh, agreed. Can this show please have fewer pedo dates? Please?? I don’t think we’re being that unreasonable here.
Mari: Ezra says the theater belongs to the friend of the family. Alison climbs up on the stage, looks out at the empty chairs, and says she gets it. You know, how cool it must be to stand on stage, having all those people watch and love you. She thinks she could be an actress but Ezra says she kind of already is, since she tells fake stories really convincingly. When that’s done in real life and not a stage, though, that’s typically called being a liar. (J: At least she’s pretty!) Ezra calls Alison his Holly Golightly and starts taking out some food he packed. Alison is worried they aren’t supposed to be there, but the passing janitor calls out to “Mr. Fitzgerald.”
In the present, Alison says that this is when she realized Ezra was a rich boy pretending to be a poor boy, and she liked him better for being a convincing liar. Because she was a child and probably didn’t know better. Hanna plays with a gun/prop on stage and then Spencer’s stomach growls loudly.
Hospital. Shana sits next to Aria, saying Alison sent her. Aria is not happy about this development, but Shana isn’t leaving and kindly offers to grab her something to eat or let her nap. All that gets a big NOPE from Aria.
Fitz Theater. Alison is sleeping but Hanna’s all, “no. She’s Alison.” I’d appreciate that skepticism if Hanna didn’t immediately dismiss it after waving a hand in Alison’s face. This is the bitch that pretended to dead for a while, Hanna. I think she can fake sleep. But alas the Liars are convinced and start talking about how icky it is that Alison has other friends when they are the ones risking everything to help her. Emily says all they have to do is wait a few more hours until Ezra wakes up and tells them who A is. Then they can all go back to having normal lives and hobbies and stuff. Hanna says she might even take up a sport. For her part, Spencer just knows that she doesn’t want to go back to the person she was before, who only cared about winning. She just wants to be happy.
Hospital. Aria has fallen asleep sitting up. Shana looks like she’s going to do something shady, but instead she just picks up Aria’s jacket and covers her up, but in the most threatening way possible.
Fitz Theater. Now all the girls are asleep. Someone dressed in all black breaks into the theater and we watch them go up to Alison and cover her mouth. Alison startles awake. It’s just CeCe Drake, who somehow tracked Alison down. She needs Ali’s help.
Holbrook is Googling Ezra still. He figures out he’s a Fitzgerald.
J: That is seriously his method of detective-ing. Google. Also, he’s at least 2 seasons behind in reveals, so I’m not sure how this is supposed to be interesting/helpful.
Mari: Hahahah, “interesting.” ‘Helpful.” Ha.
Diner. Noel Khan hands an envelope over to CeCe and says their plan could work because the police are still looking in Philadelphia. I’m guessing this is Alison’s escape plan. She’s giving it over to CeCe. They hug each other and say goodbye and CeCe leaves.
Aria wakes up. She asks the nurse if Ezra is out of surgery and hears that he’s in recovery. Apparently Aria can just waltz right into the recovery room and does. Shana’s already there so it’s a party. Ezra wakes up just then and his eyes get wide and panicky. He’s staring at Shana too, so you just know that she’s making him freak out, but Aria doesn’t seem to notice. She calls for help and Shana slips away.
Alison makes it back to Fitz Theater and Emily is awake and waiting for her. Alison is all, “there are some things you just don’t need to know,” but Emily doesn’t take that for an answer.
J: I felt like Emily spoke for the audience in a lot of this episode.
Mari: Mona’s Meeting. She’s gathered a bunch of people who Alison used to pick on. Paige is there. Everyone shares what awful name Alison used to call them. Paige says those were just words, but Mona says it’s more and they need to band together against Alison, WHO HASN’T EVEN MADE IT BACK TO TOWN YET. Paige starts to leave, as she doesn’t want to be a part of this. When she opens the door, Melissa is on the other side. She walks in and says they don’t have much time. Paige sticks around all, “crap, well now I want to see what this is about.” Legit.
Backstage at Fitz Theater. Alison tells Emily that Ezra was paying CeCe for information. That’s why she was in Ravenswood. CeCe was never Red Coat. Alison asked her to put the coat on to distract A, so that Alison could save Emily from the saw. I actually remember that scene! Probably because of the saw. Emily asks why this has to be a secret. CeCe did kill Wilden and now Alison is helping her flee the country. She’s an accessory and she wants to keep it a secret so the other girls don’t become accessories as well.
Hanna and Spencer come in and Alison and Emily jump up guiltily. Aria is trying to call them but they can’t hear her. Alison suggests that Aria call the landline. Meanwhile, Holbrook has kept Googling. He’s now located Fitz Theater and the corresponding phone number. Aria is talking to Alison on the phone, telling her that Ezra pulled through surgery. The call drops again, though. The phone in the theater rings and Alison picks up. Holbrook is on the other line this time. He asks, “Alison?” and she panics and instead of saying anything at all (“you’ve got the wrong number. This is the Fitz Theater”) she hangs up guiltily.
J: Right? One simple “This is Janet with ticket sales, may I help you” would have sufficed. But no.
Mari: We couldn’t have that.
Holbrook calls the NYPD and tells them to send cops to Fitz Theater.
Aria calls the theater back, but her friends just stand there and stare at the ringing phone. Like idiots. Aria makes it back into Ezra’s room. She tells him he’s going to be okay and he gives her warning signal eyes.
Theater. Alison didn’t recognize the voice. Spencer says they can’t wait for Ezra to wake up so Alison is just going to have to flee the country. Ali admits she doesn’t have the ticket anymore.
Hospital. Ezra whispers something in Aria’s ear and she gets Big Eyes and runs back out to the waiting room, only to find it empty.
Theater. Spencer and Hanna yell at Alison for giving away her ticket and for keeping secrets. Emily says they need to worry about getting out first. The girls all run to get their stuff. When they get back out onto the stage, the lights shut off. After a second they come back on and Shana appears, gun drawn. She yells at everyone to get back and says some crap about asking a lot of questions for Alison, but finding out bad things about her instead. IDK.
J: I know my emotions are already pretty relaxed when it comes to this show, but I felt nothing here. It was like tipping over one of those cardboard cut outs. Shana’s death had no impact on me, on the plot, on pretty much anyone except Shana.
Mari: My only thought was, “wow. The black people on this show have no luck.”
Aria is really shocked. Spencer tells her that she did what she had to do and Emily agrees. Aria says it’s really over and everyone watching this show laughs and laughs and laughs until maybe tears appear. Alison says they can’t just leave the body so Spencer calls 9-1-1 and tells them there’s been an accident.
Airport. We see CeCe in a wig, dark sunglasses and hat hand over her passport to an attendant. They don’t actually let you do that when you are handing over identification BUT OKAY. CeCe makes it through.
Police arrive at Fitz Theater and find Shana’s dead body. (J: So it goes.)
Who will be A next? TAG. YOU’RE IT.
Next time: The girls come back from New York with Alison in Pretty Little Liars S05 E02 – Whirly Girlie.
I'm a chronic book nerd and love storytelling in all forms. I'm particularly excited by the rise of the television show as an art form with long, cinematically beautiful plots and complex character arcs (I also watch cartoons). My travels in the past handful of years have led me through three continents and most recently landed me among the majestic mountains of Colorado. Some day I will compile all my travel journals/blogs into one place. Some day. Until then, you can find me with craft beer in hand, ready at any moment to deeply and passionately discuss survival tactics for the zombie apocalypse.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
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