Supernatural S03 E13 – Andrew did it better

Previously: The boys got everyone killed, and it turns out Lilith is a demon who possesses little girls. In other words, FUN.
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Ghostfacers

Kirsti: We open on two nerdy guys sitting in armchairs, and talking directly to the camera. Kind of like Andrew did in Storyteller, except without the word “vampyres.” (M: That basically changes everything.) (K: TRUE.) It’s Ed and Harry from season 1’s Hell House. They talk about how this is an unsolicited pilot intended for the hands of a network executive who’s been struck by the writer’s strike and is looking for alternative content.

Aaaah, yes. The writer’s strike of 2008. That was a dark time. At least it gave us Doctor Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog?

ANYWAY. Ed and Harry tell the audience to strap in for the scariest hour of television EVER, and earn themselves a gold star:

That throws us to the Ghostfacers credits which are ridiculous and hilarious and kind of a welcome change from Satan’s Screensaver.

Marines: It gets bonus points just for being fun with credits! I mean, we still got Satan’s screensaver, but still. This was cute.

K: Indeed.

After the Ghostfacers credits, I spend 40 minutes trying not to hurl because basically the entire episode is filmed on shaky handheld camera. Urgh.

Mari: I tried to watch some of it during my morning commute and I couldn’t because it was too dark and too shaky.

K: Ed and Harry give us a Veronica Voiceover about how it’s hard balancing a day job with hunting ghosts. But apparently they call the shots at Kinko’s so it’s all good. Their voiceover mentions that they used to be “two lone wolves” but now they have other wolves.

“PHASE 1 – THE HOMEWORK” flashes across the screen. Ghostfacers’ office. Which is a garage. We get some general shots of Ed and Harry trying to be all leader-y and failing miserably. Then we’re introduced to Corbett, the Ghostfacers intern. He joined when he saw Ed putting up fliers about ghosts at an outlet mall. It’s strongly implied that it’s the “Ed” part more than the “ghosts” part that had him interested. Next, we’re introduced to Maggie. She’s Ed’s adopted sister.

The last member of the team is Spruce, who informs us that he’s “15/16 Jew, 1/16 Cherokee.” IDK what the fuck it is about white America and their need to break shit down like this, but you can bet your sweet ass I don’t identify as 1/2 English, 1/4 Scottish and 1/4 Irish. I’m Australian, for fuck’s sake. The only time my ancestry matters is if I’m applying for an ancestry visa to the UK. Aaaaaaaanywhoozle, in this case, it’s just an excuse to make stereotypical Jewish jokes and offensive stereotypes of Native Americans. Yay.

Mari: This is an interesting observation, here, randomly in a Supernatural post. I don’t even know where to begin thinking about why this is a thing in the US. I mean, would anyone in Australia ask you, “where are you from?” if they were also Australian? Because that happens here a lot. Clearly, I’m thinking of personal anecdotes that mostly go like, “what are you?” “American.” “No, but like, where are you from?”

NEW FREAKIN’ JERSEY, OKAY?

K: I can honestly say that unless you have a weird accent, a white person in Australia will never ask another white person in Australia where they’re from. Because again, the answer would be “….Australia?”. No one would think that question would apply to your family history. Personally, I don’t ask ANYONE, regardless of accent or skin colour, where they’re from. Because it’s none of my damned business and if they want to offer up that information, they will!

ANYWAY. 

Our intros aren’t quite over yet, because we haven’t been introduced to the venue! It’s the Morton House, which has been deemed the most haunted place in America. Every February 29th, anyway. No one’s ever stayed the whole night before, and they want to be the first. Corbett returns from a coffee run and makes moon eyes at Ed. Cut to Harry’s car and him saying that he thinks this little crush could mess up the whole team. Back in the “office”, Corbett gushes to the camera about Ed, who’s ranting about how if they don’t go in now, they’ll have to wait four years. Ed’s spiel is suddenly interrupted by the garage door going up and a shot of his surprised looking father before Harry yells at the cameras to cut.

PHASE 2 – INFILTRATION. The Ghostfacers stand by the fence around the Morton House as Maggie freaks about their lack of a permit. A car approaches and they all hide, thinking it’s the cops. But nope. It’s the Bromobile, cruising past. Sam checks out the house with his torch before they drive off. Once the Bromobile’s gone, Ed cuts the lock on the gate and the Ghostfacers head into the house.

Inside, the team splits up to set up cameras and other equipment before regrouping in the room they’ve deemed command central. Cut to 10.40pm. Ed and Harry declare that it’s time to split up again for a standard walk through. On the first floor, Ed calls out to the spirits of the house while Corbett hyperventilates. On the second floor, Harry, Spruce and Maggie note a bunch of EMF and other signs. Suddenly, the camera fills with static and Spence announces that all the signs have vanished. Harry tries to kick a door down and fails miserably. He turns the handle and walks into the room before running away screaming. Not because of a ghost but because of a dead rat.

Back on the first floor, Ed and Corbett see two figures approaching and freak a little that they’re about to see ghosts. But LOL NOPE. It’s the Winchesters, pretending to be cops. They demand ID and are all very official until Ed realises that he knows them. Dean’s confused and Sam swears, a Ghostfacers logo appearing over his mouth as he does so. He reminds Dean that Ed and Harry are the dudes who ran hellhoundslair.com in West Texas when they dealt with a tulpa. “*bleep* me…” Dean says. As much as I hate the shaky cam in this episode, I DO love that for the first time in three seasons, we get AUTHENTIC Winchesters. They swear like sailors and flip people off and it’s great.

Mari: I just never, ever noticed up until this point that they (of course) never curse. I mean, it’s network TV, but also LOL. OF COURSE THEY CURSE.

K: It makes me a little sad to go back to the non-swearing Winchesters.

Anyway, Dean tells Ed that they need to GTFO, and Ed says they were there first. Dean grabs Ed and demands to know where his partner is.

Cut to Harry, Maggie and Spruce. Harry reads out EMF numbers, which are going through the roof. Maggie confirms that the temperature has dropped like whoa. We’re treated to some more static on the camera. When it clears, a man in a 1950s style suit and hat is standing among them. Spence freaks. The man says something about that being all the money he has, then there’s a gun shot and he disappears. Fade to black.

After the Not Commercial Break, we’re back downstairs. Dean wants to know what the hell Ed thinks he’s doing, being in that house on that day. Ed says that it’s for their TV show, because no one’s ever done it before. Sam says that there are missing persons reports going back 50 years. They all went into the house on February 29th and were never seen again. The only body ever found was that of the house’s last owner, Freeman Daggett. Sam continues that they all need to get out before midnight or people are going to die.

The conversation is interrupted by Harry and the others running down the stairs shouting about the ghost they just saw. Harry notices the Winchesters and says “Hey, aren’t those the assholes from Texas?“. Ed confirms that they are. Dean tries to usher everyone out to the street, but Ed and Harry are having none of it. Harry shows off the footage they got of the ghost, and Sam and Dean watch curiously before walking slightly away from the group. Spruce follows them, still filming.

The boys mutter about death echoes and how no one was shot there, and Spence demands to know what a death echo is. The boys reluctantly fill the Ghostfacers in: death echoes are spirits who are trapped in a loop, replaying their deaths over and over again. They’re not dangerous, but something else in the house is. They insist that everyone has to leave immediately. The Ghostfacers are on the verge of leaving when Ed realises that Corbett’s not there.

Cut to Corbett on the second floor, demanding to talk to the spirits of the house. (M: What are your choices, Corbett?) (K: Terrible, for starters) The lights go out, and he freaks before remembering that he has night vision. He switches it on and turns the camera towards himself in time for us to see a tall figure appear behind him. Back downstairs, Ed says that they’re not going to leave anyone behind. There’s a scream from upstairs, and the Ghostfacers run upstairs as the Winchesters protest. Upstairs, they call out to Corbett, and we hear him screaming for help but his screams fade away into the distance.

The clock ticks over to midnight. Sam insists that Corbett’s gone, but the rest of the team won’t leave the house. They regroup in the living room. Harry starts checking all their available cameras while Sam bitches to Dean about his decision to investigate the Morton House because now they’re trapped and they’re going to die and lose the two months that Dean has left. He smashes a chair against the front door and the Ghostfacers jump. Sam tells them that all the doors and windows in the house are now sealed, and there’s no way out.

Suddenly, the EMF detector goes off. We’re treated to more static as the camera focuses on Harry and Maggie, who are stealthily holding hands. Another echo appears, and the boys are surprised to hear that it’s different from the last one. Dean walks up and starts yelling at the guy, and Sam infodumps to the Ghostfacers that sometimes you can shock a death echo out of its loop by talking to the part of it that’s still human, but usually you need a connection to the spirit.

It totally doesn’t work in this case. The camera flickers some more, there’s a noise and the death echo turns. His face is suddenly lit by headlights and he’s hit by a train and vanishes. Cut to upstairs. The boys are weirded out because obviously no one got hit by a train in the middle of the house. Maggie wants to know if the echoes took Corbett, and Dean says he doesn’t know. They have no idea what the hell is happening, because usually death echoes haunt the place where they died, except these ones aren’t and it makes no sense.

They walk into a room full of taxidermied animal heads and filing cabinets full of junk. Sam finds a framed certificate commemorating the last owner’s 20 years of service as a hospital janitor. There are army ration packs all over the place, and Sam finds a dusty pamphlet titled “Survival Under Atomic Attack”. Dean finds a locked safe and busts the door open. He finds three toe tags, and he and Sam “ewwwww“. The Ghostfacers are confused, so the boys explain: Daggett was a hospital janitor. He brought some “friends” – killed by gunshot, train, and suicide respectively – home to play. It explains why the death echoes are there – their bodies are somewhere in the house. The Ghostfacers ew collectively.

Mari: I’m not sure how you sneak three bodies out of a hospital, but also, I don’t want to know.

K: YUP.

Meanwhile, Maggie’s off looking for Corbett. (M: WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?) She sees her reflection in a mirror and freaks out. The camera turns staticky, and she freaks when Dean appears behind her. He tells her to stay with the group and they head back as Harry calls out to her nervously. Ed announces that the EMF is spiking again. There’s more camera static, and then Sam – who’s standing just behind Dean – vanishes. The static fades and Dean realises that his brother’s gone, and screams Sam’s name. Fade to black.

Mari: I’m to the point that I expected the SAM!-yell and could even hear the exact inflection before Dean even said it. Dean yells for Sam a lot.

K: I can hear it in my head right now. “SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!”

After the Not Commercial Break, Dean keeps calling Sam’s name as Ed calls out for Sam AND Corbett. There’s no response. Harry and Maggie huddle in a corner, and she says that she’s terrified. He reassures her, and they kiss. Ed walks in on them and freaks at the sight of his best friend and his sister making out. After telling Spruce to hold his glasses, he hurls himself at Harry and they fight. Dean breaks it up and tells them to slow their roll because they’re missing two people. Both Ed and Harry shuffle sheepishly, and Ed declares himself the winner.

Cut to Corbett in an unknown location in the house. It’s shot through his night vision camera that’s sitting on a table that’s covered in confetti and cake, and it kind of hurts my eyes. “It’s My Party” plays on a loop in the background. Sam, off screen, calls out to Corbett, telling him to stay awake. Off screen, Daggett tells Corbett not to listen. He walks into the frame, picks up a knife and says “It stops hurting, don’t worry“. Then he stabs Corbett through the throat and we watch him die as Sam screams.

Back in the main part of the house, Dean realises that Daggett was a Cold War nutter and rushes off to investigate a hunch. The Ghostfacers trail behind him. Party-tastic Murder Room. Sam tells Daggett to get away from him as we see Corbett’s body slumped in the foreground. Daggett walks towards Sam and there’s a moment of “OMG SAM’S GONNA DIE AGAIN”, but LOL NOPE. Daggett’s just giving him a party hat. Sam bitchfaces, because that’s what Sams do best.

Mari: But also, this situation definitely calls for it. I know he’s bitchfaced before, but this one? This one is too real.

K: Very true.

Dean rushes down a flight of stairs, informing the Ghostfacers that tons of Cold War nuts built bomb shelters, and he’s betting Daggett had one in the Basement of Don’t Go In There, because NO ONE EVER LISTENS TO THE SNARK LADIES. He runs through a door, and it slams behind him, cutting him and Spruce off from Harry, Ed and Maggie. Dean yells through the door, telling them to find the salt in his duffel bag, make a circle with it, and then get inside. Ed and Harry exchange confused looks, then Ed says “Inside your duffel bag?“. Dean headdesks and yells at them to stand inside the salt circle. They rush off.

As they make the circle, Harry word vomits about how he doesn’t want to die. Ed says that if they don’t die, it’s totally find for Harry and Maggie to bang. Maggie glares and shoves Ed. They’re interrupted by camera static. This time, the death echo is Corbett. Except instead of getting stabbed in the throat over and over again, he just stands there bleeding and gasping for breath.

Basement of Don’t Go In There. Spruce wants to know what Sam meant when he said Dean had two months left, and Dean starts to tell the story, then cuts himself off and says “I’m not gonna whine about my *bleep* problems to some *bleep* reality show. I’m gonna do my *bleep*ing job.”

Mari: If Sam were here, he’d probably tell you about it.

K: Probably. One manly tear and everything.

Spruce asks if it’s cancer, and Dean tells him to STFU. Bomb Shelter. Daggett tells Sam that he’s been waiting foreeeeeever for people to come to his party and it’s sad because he gets lonely. Dean overhears the music and shoves a cupboard aside with one hand. Spruce praises his strength and Dean flips off the camera.

Daggett tells Sam that he’s going to stay at the party for, like, ever (aka MY WORST NIGHTMARE. I have to hide in the bathroom at my own parties to regroup #introvertproblems). Dean breaks down the Bomb Shelter door and shoots Daggett with rock salt. He vanishes. Dean unties Sam. Spruce pans across the whole table, and we see a bunch of super old manky corpses in party hats, plus one new corpse: Corbett. Fade to black.

After the Not Commercial Break, Ed freaks out as he watches Corbett die over and over again. Cut to the bomb shelter. Dean asks WTF Daggett’s deal was, and Sam says he was “the Norman Bates, stuff-your-mother kind of lonely“. He threw himself a birthday party with corpses for guests, then went and overdosed on horse tranquillisers. Dean asks how he knows, and Sam says that Daggett told him. Now he’s doing the same thing for all eternity.

Cut back to the living room. Harry tries to calm himself by singing the Ghostfacers theme song. The lights flicker and Corbett reappears. Everyone freaks, then Ed says that Corbett’s their friend and he’s in pain. They have to try and help him by shocking him out of his loop. He hesitantly steps out of the salt circle and walks towards Corbett. He calls his name, and Corbett flickers. Ed backtracks towards the circle as Harry freaks.

Basement of Don’t Go In There. Dean bashes on the door to the stairs, trying to get it open. The camera flickers, and Spruce warns the boys that something’s coming. Daggett appears and knocks Spruce down.

He walks towards him, but vanishes into mist when Sam shoots him. Back upstairs, Harry hesitantly says that he knows how they can get through to Corbett: use his massive crush on Ed. Ed’s all “Wait, WHAT?”, and Harry says “Ed…You got to go be gay for that poor, dead intern. You got to send him into the light.” I’m gonna go ahead and call some kind of shots on this, because UGH. Ugh.

Mari: Underspecified Ickiness Shots, woo!

K: Ed walks towards Corbett and starts talking about how much Corbett meant to the team and how he remembers what a great guy he was and then says “I remember because I love you, Corbett. I really, truly love you.” Corbett flickers a little, then looks at Ed in surprise, free from his loop. Ed begs Corbett to help them. Basement of Don’t Go In There. Sam goes to help Spruce up, and Daggett appears again. He throws the Winchesters across the room and goes to attack Spruce. There’s some more camera static and when it clears, Corbett has appeared behind Daggett. He tackles Daggett, and they disappear in a flash of light. The boys pick themselves up, and Dean shoves a hand over the camera lens. Fade to black.

Mari: Well. That was weirdly easy.

K: Agreed.

After the Not Commercial Break, the front door of the Morton House opens. Harry and Maggie hug as Sam gives Ed his phone number. Ed and Harry voiceover about the case for a second, then we cut back to them sitting in their chairs, Storyteller style. They say that they faced something scarier than ghosts in the house – they faced themselves. They offer up their thanks to poor dead Corbett, and how they feel like he’s watching over them, and talk about how cool it would be to have a ghost on the team. Also, they learnt that “gay love can pierce through the veil of death and save the day“. Ugh. SHOTS. SOME KIND OF SHOTS.

We’re treated to some behind-the-scenes style footage of Corbett in which Spruce asks him what he thinks is going to happen in the Morton House. Corbett says excitedly that he thinks all their dreams will come true, then an “In loving memory” screen comes up. As it does, the camera pulls back (REAL camera, not shaky cam) to reveal the Winchesters have been watching it on a computer screen in Ghostfacers HQ with the Ghostfacers behind them.

Ed asks what they thought, and the boys exchange a “WTF did we just watch?” look. Dean tells him that it was half awesome, which Maggie takes to mean that it was amazing. Sam says “Yeah, um, I mean it’s bizarre how you all are able to honor Corbett’s memory while grossly exploiting the manner of his death. Well done…” Under the desk, Dean slips something into a bag. Ed says it’s totally fine to exploit Corbett, because that’s the nature of reality TV.

Sam and Dean say that showing the truth tends to lead to people thinking you’re crazy, and Harry says they’re just jealous because they didn’t get the super amazing footage. The boys are all “Sure, whatever” and leave. Ed closes the door behind them, and the Ghostfacers all agree that the Winchesters are dicks. They decide to start burning the episode to DVD immediately and gush about how they’re going to need bigger offices once they go national.

Ed finds the bag Dean left under the desk, and opens it to find a huge magnet attached to a car battery. Suddenly, all the computer screens start playing up, and Harry screams as the computer says there’s no operating system installed. Outside, the boys walk to the Bromobile accompanied by the sounds of Ed and Harry’s “noooooooooooooooooo!!!”-s as Dean says that the electromagnet wiped everything so they’re in the clear. They agree that they kind of liked the show, despite the world not being ready for it. They hop in the Bromobile and drive away to the strains of the Ghostfacers theme song.

I’m always torn about this episode. I like the Ghostfacers, despite the fact that they’re very reminiscent of The Trio, who I couldn’t stand. But there are definitely a lot of meh-tastic and icky moments. It seems like total contrivance a lot of times. We never see this shock-death-echoes-out-of-their-cycle thing again. There’s no explanation of why two ghosts magically cancel each other out. And the shaky cam really did make me nauseated. Still, it was better than a fair number of the other episodes we’ve had this season.

Mari: It was interesting in one regard, for me. Namely, I was super intrigued to see where we would go since Jus in Bello was such a game changer, at least for my own viewing experience. I started this episode all, “now I kind of care! Let’s do this!” And what we’re greeted with is the Ghostfacers. To keep up the comparison, Whedon was (mostly) a master of this kind of humor and darkness rotation. Here, for me, it worked pretty well in the beginning. It isn’t hilarious, but it’s entertaining and I was going with it. And then it wasn’t really funny anymore because a guy was dead and ghosts and the sadness of a man who committed suicide near stolen cadavers. Nice trick, Supernatural. 

The part where it loses me, though, is when we double back in the end and head toward a lighter ending. I mean, the ghost-cancellation thing was unintentionally funny (like bad-funny) but then we end the episode definitely with jokes and it felt a little strange, in the big picture. Typically, episodes like these come to take a pause from action or pace the season, especially after important revelations. It’s difficult to do right without making it all feel like filler. This erred on the side of fillery-feeling for me.

K: Legit. It’s funny but it’s not. And it can’t make up its mind what it wants to be. Or something.

 

Next time on Supernatural: I’s easily the most forgettable episode of the season! Also, you know, people are getting phone calls from their dead loved ones in S03 E14 – Long-Distance Call.