Previously: Gail’s restaurant makes no sense, BUT OUR SHIP IS FINALLY SAILING!
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Neverland
Democracy Diva: Because the gods of Squee have been good to us, we begin exactly where we left off – in the first ever Paceyphine make-out sesh. Our beautiful moment sailing our ship on the high seas of feels ends quickly enough when Joey shoves Pacey away from her and calls him insane.
Kirsti: See, kids, this is why consent is important, even when your ship is sailing.
Diva: Yup, I have a consent rant coming too!
She continues shoving him as he explains it was an impulse, but she just cares about the butterfly effect of his little impulse. She immediately brings up the Dawson’s-forehead-sized elephant in the room, but Pacey thinks this was just a kiss, and not the tragedy Joey is making it out to be.
They agree not to talk to each other, and drive off. GUYS, SOS, OUR SHIP IS SINKING.
K: Sigh.
Diva: Perfect gif is perfect.
HEY YEAH YEAH YEAH.
Potter B&B. Over breakfast, Bessie asks Joey for the hot details of her weekend with AJ. Joey covers the break-up and Pacey’s kiss with her signature “I don’t care but secretly I totally care” attitude. We cut back and forth between this scene and Pacey telling the same story to his brother Doug over an identical breakfast. Joey clarifies that she wasn’t exactly passive in this kiss – though their repeated use of “I let him do it to me” is gross and rapey and victim-blamey. Girl, someone kissing you is an action by them, not by you, and certainly not something that’s your fault. If you kissed him back, that’s one thing, but no, letting him do it to you is not your fault. Right after I wrote this rant, Pacey literally says “it was all her fault,” and I get angry at rape-culture-promoting Pacey. Dude, you love her, and you felt she was admitting similar feelings to you, so you kissed her. Again: that does not make it her FAULT. Stop being such a fucking Dawson and shape up, Pacey, or your coveted Snark Squad Internship may be in jeopardy.
K: A+ rant. The whole thing was icky but also very VERY 90s.
Diva: Any-tangent, they both realize Dawson would never talk to them again if he found out about the kiss. (K: You poor blind fools, this is a good thing. Go make out on his bed.) (D: Preach.) Bessie is basically like, this is too messy even for me to handle, but Doug insists Pacey can get through this if he diffuses the Dawson bomb. He has to tell him in a way that makes it impossible for Dawson to hate him. Doug thinks Dawson will be upset but understanding, because he doesn’t understand Dawson. Doug gets on the rape-culture-promotion train and says Joey wouldn’t have been angry and shoved Pacey unless she liked him, which is garbage bullshit. I’d accept a discussion about how Joey’s problems with this kiss were related to a fear of Dawson finding out, and not because she didn’t reciprocate Pacey’s feelings, but that’s not the conversation that’s going on now, and it sucks.
K: My notes – as best I can decipher them- I watched this episode while working out so it’s very scrawly – say “DOUGIE, NO. HITTING SOMEONE DOES NOT EQUAL LIKING THEM THIS IS PATRIARCHY BULLSHIT AND IT MUST BE STOPPED.” But also, Dougie appears to be wearing two belts (yes, I know one of them is his holster etc, but STILL) and no one should take advice from a man wearing two belts.
Even Pacey’s judging you, Dougie.
Also, Bessie’s all “Joey, girl, you should talk to someone about this”, and Joey mutters that there isn’t anyone. My notes say “JEN. TALK TO JEN.” Because obviously.
Diva: +1 to all of the above, but especially to Pacey side-eying Doug’s dubious double-belt situation.
House of McPheelings. Jack is wearing the most 90s sweater in the history of the universe as Andie stresses about things. Ethan is coming to spend the weekend with him (that’s Parker, right? these random dudes are hard to remember) (K: Yup, it’s Parker Abrams), and Jack is excited. He says it’s not necessarily romantic, but Andie sees how smiley he is and disagrees. Their dad is out of town this weekend, so Jack isn’t telling him. Except surprise, Dad cancelled that trip! As Jerky McPhee approaches, Jack says it doesn’t matter, he’s an almost-grown-up and his dad can’t have a damn thing to say about it. Jerky is all, um, what?, but Andie pretends they’re discussing politics over breakfast, like teenagers do.
K: I’m also a little confused because Pacey was literally just talking about how it’s freezing outside, and yet Andie and Jack are having breakfast outside. Oh, seasons.
Diva: People totally eat breakfast outside when it’s thirty degrees out in casual sweaters, right? That’s a thing humans do?
Capeside High. Jen wants to know why Henry hasn’t mentioned that tomorrow is his birthday. Jen planned dinner, a movie, and a surprise present. But he can’t go – Henry has plans with his mom and his family. He apologizes, but Jen understands. Suddenly a jock shows up and blows Henry’s cover, saying he’ll be at the party tomorrow. Henry wants to explain, but Jen is understandably furious at this liar’s lying lies, and walks away.
Cafeteria. Pacey sits down next to Dawson, and Joey looks uncomfortable about it from afar. Dawson tells Pacey that a forest is being cut down for condos – a forest where they did all their “pre-adolescent male bonding.” Pacey-Dawson shippers rejoice at this fantastically homoerotic line. Dawson wants them to handcuff themselves to their old fort or something. We cut between this scene, and Andie and Joey at a nearby lunch table, where Joey pretends she had a boring weekend. Pacey suggests that he and Dawson go camping there, since Doug suggested he take Dawson to a place where they have childhood nostalgia feels to break the Joey news to him. Dawson loves the idea, and agrees. Pacey looks nervous as fuck.
K: Probably because of the blonde spider crouching on Dawson’s head.
Diva: Jen sits with Andie and Joey, looking miserable about Henry. Andie says they need a girls hang-out sesh, to get both of them out of their funks and because it’s weird that they never hang out with people who have vaginas. Andie speechifies about sisterhood and Thelma and Louise, which are the ultimate girls’ night out trump cards. Oh, and Lilith Fair.
K: We also get in our regularly scheduled sponsorship shots. HURRAH!
Please, be MORE obvious.
Diva: House of McPheelings. Ethan-Parker shows up and they hug, just as Jerky McPhee gets home and asks what’s going on. Jerky says he should have asked for permission, and wants to kick E-P out. Jack just wants to know why he can’t have a friend over, but Jerky says it’s not a good weekend for that, and why did Jack have to lie about it? Jack says his father promised he could live his life without judgment when he moved back in, and he’s only in this house for Andie. Jack insists E-P is staying, and if watching his son have a friend makes Jerky so miserable, he can walk away.
Pacey walks around with Jonathan Lipnicki on his shoulders. He’s late to meet Dawson for the Boyz n the Wood camping trip, so he can’t stay. He insists he’ll take Jonathan next time, but the kid isn’t having a bar of it.
Girls Night, AKA Lilith Fair. Andie suggests facials and pedicures, and Jen and Joey just grimace. She runs off to grab the supplies, and Jen asks Joey what she’s going through. She’s just specific enough to hint that she knows something, and Joey wants to know what Jen knows. Joey’s also curious as to how her and Pacey’s “scenario” became public knowledge, but Jen insists she doesn’t really know what Joey’s talking about. But she can tell it means something to Joey, and she’s there to listen, filling the very role Bessie told Joey she needs, because this gang is too incestuous for Bessie to deal with.
K: I cheer because even Jen agrees with my assessment that Joey should talk to Jen.
Diva: House of McPheelings. E-P and Jack play chess, and Jerky asks to join. Jack is rude and tells him to go spy on Andie, and E-P is uncomfortable. But he’s been through similar stuff with his own dad, so he knows how to handle it.
Boyz n the Wood. Pacey starts to ramble about how even change that seems bad can be good. They see their old fort that they built as kids – it’s so much smaller and more ordinary than Dawson remembers. It was pretty damn good for nine-year-olds, but Dawson is having too many boring coming-of-age feels to recognize that. Pacey starts his dramatic confession, but Dawson hears something. Jonathan Lipnicki and his friends appear, and because they actually ARE nine-year-olds, they think this fort is fucking awesome.
K: Having worked with nine year olds all of last year, those kids are decidedly not nine. They’re, like, seven. Tops. But whatever, show. Whatever.
Diva: Yeah, I thought Jonathan was just supposed to be small for his age, but his friends also appear to be like six, so who the fuck knows.
Lilith Fair. Jen and Joey are really not enjoying their facials, but Andie is insistent. A contrived bowl of popcorn like Andie’s mom used to make is the girls’ excuse for having the same conversation as the boys – imagining being ten years old again. Joey misses being able to hang out with the boys without relationship stuff getting in the way. Jen was never really able to be a little girl, because her mom sucked. Joey just wants to eat ice cream and forget about boys. Jen agrees, and mentions that the worst thing is when they have feelings for you and won’t admit it, looking pointedly at Joey.
K: I think the best thing about this scene was that 1) Joey has popcorn on her shirt one minute and it disappears the next, and b) we got extra sponsorship shots. I’m starting to get concerned about Joey’s teeth. Oh, and cat) Jen throwing in that sneaky line at the end there. Season 3’s MVP, folks!
Diva: 1430 for Jen’s brilliance, pointed comments, and ability to look totally cute in that face mask gook.
Joey looks uncomfortable and changes the subject to roller-skating. Jen’s activity will overlap with Joey’s, she claims, as she whips out a few Victoria’s Secret bags. I don’t even know how to react to that.
House of McPheelings. E-P asks if Jerky would like to join them for dinner, and Jerky says he would love that. Jack just glares at E-P.
Boyz n the Wood. The kids are psyched to spending the night camping with Dawson and Pacey. Dawson starts to tell them a story, which Jonathan immediately realizes is Jurassic Park, and demands a new story. (K: The level of sass that came with it was AMAZING.) Then he starts to tell E.T., and Jaws, but they’re not idiots and insists on a real-life Dawson story. He tells them the “true” story of an old man who used to live near this fort. Max was evil, and he hated children and happiness, and carried an axe to kill nine-year-olds. One day, Max found three boys in his house…
Cut to the girls roller-skating IN FANCY SILK PAJAMAS AND FEATHER BOAS. WUT EVEN IS FASHUN U GUYZ.
And they’re in lots of makeup and old Hollywood hair styles and this is the actual best/worst/everythingest.
K: Katie Holmes looks unfairly stunning. And those are the fluffiest boas I’ve ever seen. I want one.
Diva: Jen stops to rest for a lap, and Andie and Joey skate off together. Jen turns around and sees Henry and a bunch of friends – he’s blind-folded and trying to hit a piñata at what is clearly his lying liar birthday party. Jen shows up in her absolutely insane outfit and the party goes silent.
Awkward McPhee Men Dinner. E-P and Jerky bond over cars while Jack broods. Jerky includes Jack in the conversation sweetly, and says he cried when he turned his beautiful car in because it wasn’t really practical for a family. Jack is cold and mean while Jerky continues being sweet and friendly to E-P, if kind of weirdly in love with cars.
Boyz n the Wood. Pacey digs in the ground and pulls out a plot device time capsule that they forgot they buried. It has Dawson’s ticket stubs from Jurassic Park (the first three times he saw it), and a photo of Dawson and Joey.
And some sort of code they drew up, their oath of contrivance loyalty. Pacey has feels.
K: I have feels over Pacey’s reaction to the picture. With a side of “isn’t an oath of loyalty a little…Aryan?”
Diva: LOL. Let’s hope this show isn’t going there.
Lilith Fair/Piñata Party. Jen and Henry skate together awkwardly. He’s humiliated, but not because of her – because it’s a kid’s birthday party and he thinks she’s way too cool and mature for this. He was embarrassed of himself, not of her. Jen insists his innocence helps him find the same thing in herself, and he never has to hide from her. And maybe stop fucking lying to her. He skates off, and she chases him down because he’s a drama queen, and informs him that she had purchased a mint condition vinyl copy of Born to Run for his birthday, but traded it in for angry girl music because he was such a tremendodouche. She wraps her boa around him and kisses him.
In some garage or car show or something somewhere, E-P and Jerky continue to bond and Jack is pissed. He pulls E-P aside and wants to know why they’re only hanging out with Jack’s terrible father, who refuses to accept him. E-P makes a face like, um, do you not see what he’s trying to do here? Jack loudly says Jerky stopped being a father to him a long time ago, and Jerky looks miserable. He leaves, saying he was so grateful for tonight, because he canceled his business trip to be with his son. Jack gets feels face.
K: My notes are conflicted over this, because while it’s totally understandable that Jack reacts that way, it also gave me a small quantity of Jerky feels.
Diva: Boyz n the Wood. Dawson says his friendships are the only solid things in his life – specifically, his friendships with Pacey and Joey. He calls Pacey “pure loyalty” and Joey his “conscience” and his “soul mate.” That sounds like a lot of responsibility. Dawson better hope his friends don’t have a fear of heights, because they are up on some damn high pedestals. (K: A+) Pacey rightfully notes that it was Dawson who cast Pacey in the loyalty role, because Dawson is the storyteller and just lets the rest of them live in his world.
After the not-break, E-P wants to talk about what happened tonight. Jack is angry that Jerky made himself look like the victim, and made Jack look like the jerky one. E-P says they’re both victims, and Jack has to let go of some of his anger. Jack says Jerky made him this angry in the first place. Jerky hated him for a year and now wants to make everything magically better with one canceled business trip. E-P tells him how this works: he’ll lose his father more and more if he doesn’t lose his anger, and it’ll be too late by the time he realizes how much they need each other.
Lilith Fair. Joey finally approaches Jen for that girl talk she really needs. She thinks this kiss came out of nowhere, but Jen isn’t surprised. She’s wondering why Joey is so conflicted over something that supposedly means nothing.
K: Because it means eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeverythiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing tralalalalalalala.
Diva: Jack approaches his father to ask why he’s having this change of heart now. Jerky stops working and sits down next to his son at the chess table. His coworker has a son whose life is a mess, and it made Jerky realize he has a good son that he hardly knows, but wants to. Then his dad makes the first chess move, and Jack makes another one, because why would this show just let a beautiful moment be beautiful when it could knock you unconscious with a metaphor instead?
Boyz n the Wood. Seems that Pacey is leaving without making his grand confession. Pacey and Jonathan head into a market and run into Joey. He bribes the kid to leave them alone. Pacey apologizes for kissing her and agrees with her that it was a stupid mistake and it’s an impulse that’s now gone. Joey says she overreacted and it’s not a big deal, since it obviously meant nothing, right? He agrees.
They awkwardly shake hands as Pacey looks like he’s about to cry and Joey looks conflicted. Pacey babbles and bails, and Joey gets feels face.
K: About-to-cry Pacey made me want to jump into my television set and give him a hug. Poor little puppy. This is what happens when you don’t USE YOUR WORDS AND ASK FOR CONSENT. Let it be a lesson to you all.
Diva: *chants* WE LOVE CONSENT! WE LOVE CONSENT!
Jonathan asks if that’s the girl Pacey’s in love with, and he says, “nope,” as Joey half-smiles and watches them walk off.
NOPE, MY ASS, WITTER. GET IT TOGETHER.
Next time on Dawson’s Creek: Our ship goes on spring break while Jen has vamp!Henry feels in S03 E19 – Stolen Kisses.
I'm a J.D. by day/blogger by night who directs her snark and judgment primarily towards celebrities and their many red carpet mishaps. Blogging from the style capital of the world (just kidding - I live in DC), I rant and rave over the best and worst in fashion and pop culture.
I'm a 30-something librarian and I still live with my parents because I'm super broke. Leader of Team Heartless Cow. I have an inexplicable love for 90s television, eat too much chocolate, and read more than is good for me.