Previously: The Doctor took Martha to see Shakespeare and she helped save the day by being a Harry Potter fan.
—
Gridlock
Marines: We start on a static-y screen. A cheerful news reporter says that there are reports of a stockpile of cars and carjacking. We zoom out and see that we’re in a vehicle of some sort and this couple is at the helm:
Kirsti: A+ description.
Mari: I’m almost sure that is really what they were going for? I can’t imagine why but it had to be purposeful.
Something is banging up against their vehicle, growling. Ma American Gothic is freaking out while Pa American Gothic assures her that the police are on their way. He radios the police again, saying they need emergency assistance. An automated recording lets them know that they have been placed on hold. Ma blames Pa because he lied and said there were three of them in the car.
Pa keeps yelling into his radio, but it’s too late. There’s a big bang, sparks fly, and Ma screams her head off. As the vehicle fills with smoke, we zoom back in on the TV screen. The news anchor cheerily tells us that it’s blue skies all the way home as a hand falls across the screen in the way that either means “dead” or “sexy times.”
After the credits, we’re in the TARDIS. The Doctor did say it would be only one trip for Martha, but he proposes stretching that definition: one trip to the past and one trip to the future. Martha’s got no complaints. The Doctor asks what she thinks of going to a different planet. Martha excitedly asks if they can go to his planet. The Doctor gets immediately serious, even as Martha prods him what it’s like there. Finally, though, he looks up and slightly to the right so we know he’s having feelings. He tells Martha of the orange skies, a citadel enclosed in a mighty glass dome, twin suns and red grass. Martha dreamily asks if they can go there but the Doctor snaps out his feels and is all, “NAH.”
K: His feelsy face during this scene was so heartbreaking.
Mari: Instead, he’s going to take Martha to the first place he ever took Rose, New New York. Because that’s certainly a GREAT idea. He even makes the same damn joke about it being the 15th New York.
They exit the TARDIS and step out into a rain storm.
K: He also pulls an arrow out of the TARDIS door because YAY CONTINUITY!
Mari: Elsewhere, Cat Nun is kneeling in front of the Face of Boe. He knows the Doctor has arrived. Cat Nun asks what she should do and Boe sends her to find the Doctor. She dramatically cocks her future gun.
Under some cover, Martha says that this looks just like regular Earth to her. The Doctor bangs on a monitor and uses the sonic to get it on. Sally Calypso, overly cheery anchor woman, announces some open lanes and it cuts to footage of flying cars over New New York. The Doctor says that’s the view they had last time and figures they must’ve landed in some sort of under city. Martha comments on the Doctor’s sunny disposition, but also picked up on that “last time” bit. She asks if that means he’s taking her to the same planets as Rose. He asks what’s wrong with that and Martha’s all, “rebound much?” before she huffs past him.
They are soon distracted as a man opens up his stall and asks if they want Happy. More stalls open up and Martha asks if they are selling drugs. The Doctor thinks they are selling moods. A woman with a raggedy scarf on her head approaches a stall and asks to buy Forget. Her mother and father went on the motorway. The seller hands over a little sticker of Forget and collects her payment.
The Doctor walks over to Raggedy Scarf and asks where her parents are. She explains that they drove off on the motorway and she’s lost them. The Doctor says they could always come back and Raggedy Scarf sticks her Forget on her neck in response. In a more chipper voice she asks what the Doctor was saying. He rudely reminds her of her parents (she just spent 2 credits trying to forget, bro) but it’s fine, because she doesn’t remember or care anymore.
Martha asks if this is really the human race five billion years in the future.
A man sneaks up behind Martha and grabs her and a woman steps in front of them and points a gun at the Doctor. The man is apologizing as he leads Martha away, saying they just need three. The Doctor is yelling back, telling him that he can help with whatever, but they just have to let her go. The woman gives a final, “sorry!” and disappears behind a door.
K: Meanwhile, I flail with excitement because the woman is Annie from the BBC version of Being Human! Which you should all go and watch immediately because it’s fabulous.
Anyway, the kidnappers run off with Martha as the Doctor sonics the door open. Martha is fighting them but they put a Sleep sticker on her and she goes still. They drag her body into a flying car and start it up. The Doctor makes it outside just in time to see the car fly away. He screams Martha’s name.
In the car, the lady (Cheen) says Martha will be totally fine. No harm done, especially if you overlook the whole “kidnapping” thing. The man (Milo) radios in saying they have three passengers and are requesting access to the fast lane. Access is granted which makes them super excited.
Back in Pharmacy Town, the Doctor bangs on a closed hatch and demands to know who those people were and where they took Martha. Between the three pharmacists, they explain that they went to the motorway where three adult passengers are required for access to the fast lane. The Doctor gets directions to the motorway and then growls at them to close down their shops. Once he’s found Martha alive and well, which he assures them he will, he’s coming back to Pharmacy Town to shut it down. They look back at him like, “damn. We didn’t even kidnap anyone.”
Martha comes to in the kidnapper vehicle. She peels off the sleep sticker and sees the gun is right next to her bed. She picks it up and asks the kidnappers, who are busy dreamily talking about how great New New York is, to take her back to her friend. Cheen apologizes ’cause that gun isn’t even real. Cheen introduces herself and Milo and apologizes again. They just needed a third person so that they could have access to the fast lane. Once they reach their destination, Martha is free to meet back up with the Doctor. Martha asks if this is serious and Cheens shows her an honesty patch she’s wearing. Martha reminds her that it’s still kidnapping.
K: I kind of love how quickly Martha adapts to situations. Rose, much as I love her, always had this moment of “Oh God, what do I do now?” before she’d get her shit together and come up with a plan. But Martha’s a doctor. She has to think on her feet, and it shows.
Mari: Martha next asks where they are and what’s up with all the fog outside. Milo says it’s exhaust fumes because they are on the motorway. The plan is for them to go to Brooklyn. They couldn’t stay in Pharmacy Town because Cheen recently found out she was pregnant. Martha sassily asks if she should congratulate her kidnappers. Cheen insists they aren’t kidnappers and Martha calls them idiots instead. Especially Cheen who is wearing some weird emotion patch while pregnant. I have a vague memory of there once being a thing against taking stickers from strangers because of poison…? Like razor blades in candy? Sorry, this scene brought up that hazy impression. Please continue if my upbringing in a shady neighborhood is showing.
Milo further explains that they will take the fast lane and then ride direct to Brooklyn for 10 miles. It’ll take them about six years to do it, just in time for Fetus de Kidnappers to start school. They kiss lovingly and Martha is freaking the heck out.
I wonder how bad my life would have to be to agree to six years in traffic. That sounds like the actual worst thing. And can you IMAGINE the road rage?? I think I would die from road rage.
K: I complain about my 90-minutes-each-way-on-public-transport commute. I don’t even want to know how bad I’d be after six years…
Mari: The Doctor uses his sonic screwdriver to open a metal door and steps out onto a platform. Before him is the motorway, cars bumper to bumper and honking at each other, even though no one is going anywhere. The Doctor takes it all in as he coughs. The car in front of him opens and a man shouts at the Doctor to hop in. The Doctor does and we cut inside the vehicle. A woman hands the Doctor an oxygen mask and the man takes off his scarf and goggles and reveals he’s a cat-man. An Irish cat-man.
The brunette woman interrupts Irish Cat-Man’s story telling to say that they are moving. ICM hops to and moves the vehicle forward 20 yards. He says they are having a good day. That all done, it’s introductions time. ICM says his name is Brannigan, his significant other is Valerie and the rest of the family is just behind the Doctor. He pulls back a curtain and reveals a basket full of kittens.
This makes me a lot uncomfortable, but then kittens.
And then David Tennant and a kitten.
K: Seriously, there’s so much that’s weird and squicky about this. But also, David Tennant with kittens…
Mari: The kittens are two months old and were born on the motorway. The Doctor is shocked as Brannigan tells him that they’ve been driving for 12 years. The Doctor wants to get off the car, but they’ve passed the lay by and the next one won’t be for 6 months.
Kidnapper Car. Cheen offers Martha something to eat. She takes a bite but quickly abandons it when Cheen explains that part of vehicle living is that all waste products are recycled as food. EW. Trash-poo cakes? Pass.
Kitten Car. The Doctor radios into the police and gets placed on hold. He asks if there is anyone else they can call. Brannigan looks at his friends list and sees the Cassini Sisters are near by. He radios them and the old lady who answers tells him to stop calling them sisters. They are married. The Irish Man-Cat says he’s an old fashioned cat. Because of course in the future this would still be an issue. Hilarious, but not.
K: I just stared at my screen in disgust, because DUDE. YOU’RE A FUCKING CAT. YOUR WIFE IS HUMAN. But lesbianism is a difficult concept for you? Ugh.
Mari: The other Cassini pulls out her ledger because apparently she passes the time by writing car numbers down. IDK. Only one car entered at Pharmacy Town headed for the fast lane, and she shares the car number. Unfortunately, there’s nothing else she can do to find them.
Kidnapper Car. As they descend, they start to hear growling noises. Martha asks WTF that is and Milo explains that those are the air vents at the bottom of the tunnel. Cheen says there are better stories about a creature living down there and how cars disappear from the motorway. Milo brushes it off but Martha asks them if it looks like the air vents are working. The growling continues and like a person who wants to die, Milo continues their descent.
The Doctor asks Brannigan to take them down to the fast lane, but he refuses. The Doctor tries to appeal to him on Martha’s behalf, but Valerie says their final answer is no. She doesn’t want to risk the kittens down there. The Doctor asks what’s down there, but they won’t talk about it. The Doctor grabs the radio and calls the Cassinis. He asks if in all of their years on the motorway, they’ve ever see a police car or an ambulance or any official vehicle at all. They haven’t and the Doctor asks what if there is no one out there. Brannigan grabs back the radio and tells him to stop it, but the Doctor keeps on. They may not want to ask the question, but how about if they are all alone, going round and round in their cars forever. Valerie yells at him to shut up.
K: Legit, Valerie.
Mari: The screen flickers and Sally Calypso shows up for the daily contemplation. She apologizes to everyone on the motorway and tells them to drive safe. The Old Rugged Cross starts playing and we jump from car to car watching all of the occupants singing along wistfully and hopefully. Martha cries and joins in for the last verse. The Doctor observes it all with a cocked eyebrow.
We end that bit in the Kidnapper Car. They’ve finally made it to the fast lane.
Back in the Kitten Car, the Doctor says he’ll just make his own way. He sonics the bottom hatch open and stand over it. He throws his coat to Valerie and tells her to take good care of it because the fans love it. I MEAN, he loves it and Janis Joplin gave it to him. Valerie tells him he can’t jump and he responds back, “If it’s any consolation, Valerie, right now, I’m having kittens.”
Know what that reminds me of? David Tennant with a kitten:
K: Good times…
Mari: Brannigan thinks Martha must mean an awful lot to him. The Doctor says he barely knows her because he was too busy showing off (and being heartbroken, say I). He even lied to her. And with that, he drops down on the car below them.
K: Confusingly, the Doctor puts his sonic screwdriver back in his inside jacket pocket after opening each hatch. Which seems weirdly time consuming.
Mari: But he gets to stand grandly and look off to the side while doing it.
Kidnapper Car. The exits to Brooklyn are closed and Cheen freaks out a bit. Milos says they’ll just keep looping around until they are open again. The Air Vent Creature growls and bashes up against their car a bit.
A call comes through their radio. The car 50 yards behind them, driven by a large poodle and with two pale skinned female passengers, tells them to get the heck out of the fast lane. The Air Vent Creature is banging up against their car in earnest. Milo asks again and again what’s going on, but Giant Poodle tells them just to get the heck out, before their screams get louder and then cut off. Martha tells Milo to just drive straight and away.
The Doctor lands in the car of a gentleman. We can tell by the bowler hat, I guess, and the fact that he gives the Doctor some water when asked. This is the last layer of cars before the fast lane which is 1000 feet down. The Doctor opens the hatch just to have a look. The creature is down there grumbling and growling. The Doctor tries to hack into… something… in order to clear the exhaust a bit so he can see the creature.
In the Kitten Car, the Can Nun breaks in and asks where the Doctor is.
Gentlemanly Car. The Doctor can know see the crab-like creatures. Macra, he calls them.
K: Well, hello, Classic Who monster! The internet tells me that the Second Doctor encountered the Macra back in 1967.
Mari: Oh! Well that makes it cooler.
Kidnapper Car. The Macra are snapping at the car and Milo is doing his best to avoid them and escape. Martha gets an idea and tells him to turn everything off. The Macra probably can’t see in the fog and must be using some other way to locate them. Milo does it and the snapping stops and the growling fades. Martha picked up that trick thanks to a film about submarines, but she doesn’t know what to do next. Milo says she better think of something and let’s all be proud of Martha for not punching him in the face all, “YOU kidnapped ME. YOU think of something!”
Back with the Doctor, he’s explaining to Gentleman that the Macra used to be the scourge of this galaxy, building their empire with human slaves. They’ve devolved through the billions of years, into the snapping, growling beasts they are now. Just then, the Can Nun lets herself into the car, much to Gentleman’s consternation. She tells the Doctor he has to come with her, but he doesn’t recognize her at first. Apparently she’s aged, but um, she still looks like a regular Cat Nun to me. It registers for the Doctor. He cries, “Novice Hame!” and hugs her. But then it registers further and he pushes back. “No, hold on, get off,” he says adorably. Last time he saw Novice Hame, she was breeding humans for experimentation. She says she’s sought forgiveness so it’s cool now. She wants the Doctor to come with her, but he protests, as Martha is still down on the fast lane. Novice Hame doesn’t take no for an answer and surprise transports the Doctor away.
K: RUDE. But also, she has killer eyeliner.
Mari: Maybe that’s what the Doctor finally recognized.
They end up in an empty building. He demands that she take him back, but of course, she only had enough power for a single trip. The Doctor next demands to see the senate of New New York so he can yell at them with crazy eyes and perhaps a fair amount of spittle. Novice Hame says that they are in the Senate. She turns the lights on (something like that) and the Doctor can now see skeletons all over. The city is dead and has been that way for 24 years.
Novice Hame gets to do our episode exposition today and she tells us that a new mood–bliss– caused a virus mutation and became airborne. It killed the whole world in 7 minutes. It was just enough time to shut down the walkways and flyovers, sealing off the under city. The people down there were being saved. There isn’t enough power to get them all out now, though.
K: So it’s basically Serenity but with crabs instead of Reavers, yes? Cool.
Mari: Cool.
Novice Hame keeps mentioning a “we” and the Doctor asks who she means. Before he can wonder about it too long, the Face of Boe calls out to him. He runs over and kneels before his tank, all while Novice Hame impressively keeps expositing about how Boe protected her with a smokey shroud. Basically, Boe plugged himself into the mainframe and is giving his life force to keep the people in the motorway, the ones not being eaten I guess, alive. The Face of Boe tells the Doctor to save them.
Fast (Food) Lane. Things are getting real sweaty in the Kidnapper Car and they are quickly running out of air. Martha is still hopeful that the Doctor will think of something. Cheen asks if she and the Doctor are, you know. Martha says that sometimes she thinks he likes her and sometimes she thinks he just needs someone. This would’ve been such a better observation if it hadn’t been proceeded with Cheen eye-brow-waggle question. That’s super true of Martha right now, as a companion and friend. WHY MUST WE EVEN INSINUATE IT IS ROMANTIC?
K: Damn those Eyebrows of Innuendo. They turn up everywhere.
Mari: Cheen asks Martha where home is and Martha non-answers. Martha freaks out about that thing we gave Rose grief about: she just followed the Doctor. She didn’t even tell anyone where she was going, so if she dies here, her parents won’t even know. She doesn’t know anything about the Doctor because he won’t say anything. And also, because she just got on the TARDIS like two days ago. God, Martha. Cheen freaks out because they are leaving their fates in the hands of a stranger, which is kind of a weird thing to freak out about right now. You kidnapped Martha a few hours ago. God, Cheen.
Martha keeps having feelings about how the Doctor is the best forever and can do amazing things. They’ve got their faith and their hymns and Martha’s got the Doctor. The music picks up again as Milo turns the Kidnapper Car on again and makes a run for it, trying to avoid the snaps of the Macra.
In the senate, the Doctor sees the Kidnapper Car still registering. “I knew she was good,” he says, correctly assuming that Martha is key to their survival. The Doctor had got a mess of wires going, he’s babbling to himself about inverted energy and turning all the switches up to MAXIMUM BOOM. I added the BOOM. The Doctor throws the final switch but nothing happens.
In the fast lane, the Kidnapper Car has a close call when a Macra traps it in a claw. Thankfully, one of his Macra buddies is super rude and in trying to snatch it away, knocks the Kidnapper Car free.
Back with the Doctor, the Face of Boe take a deep breath and gives the last of his life force to power whatever. The Doctor yells at Novice Hame to look after Boe and yells the hilarious line, “don’t you go dying on me, you big ole face.”
K: Definitely not one of the better lines in this show. And this is the show that gave us “Excuse me, do you mind not farting while I’m saving the world?“
Mari: Classic.
In the motorway, everyone hears a commotion and we cut to all of the people we’ve met this episode, including Brannigan and his kittens. They realize that the roof of the motorway is opening up. The Doctor appears on the screen and says Sally Calypso was just a hologram (Boe was running it? Weird) (K: I figured she was automated before everyone died). He tells them all to drive up because they have to clear the fast lane. He gets real excited while saying this and ends up giving us one, “drive uhh-pah!”
The Doctor speaks directly to the Kidnapper Car and tells them to drive up too because they have access. Martha yells at Milo to do it and they drive out of the reach of the Macra.
The Doctor is reveling in his victory, reminding Brannigan that he wants his coat back and telling Martha to come meet him at the Senate. Novice Hame cries in alarm, though, because Boe’s tank cracks open.
We cut to later as Martha arrives at the senate. She freaks out a bit at the skeletons and then more when she finds the Doctor kneeling next to a giant face. The Doctor tells her to come on over because Boe was the one who saved everyone. Oh, yeah, and don’t mind the Cat Nun. Martha asks who he is, but the Doctor doesn’t even know. Legend says he’s been around for billions of years. Novice Hame says the legend also says that the Face of Boe will speak his final secret to a traveler. The Doctor keeps saying that Boe is totally not dying. Nope. No dying to see here.
The Face of Boe says he’s seen so much. He’s the last of his kind like the Doctor is the last of his. Martha gives the Doctor a, “say wuh?” look. The Doctor is still on the, “yeah, but you aren’t dying, right?” tip, but Boe goes ahead and says his final words to the Doctor: you are not alone. Everyone is sad.
K: Sad but also GAME CHANGER. The Doctor’s spent the past two and a bit seasons having feels over the fact that he’s the last Time Lord. Dun dun duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun.
Mari: We cut to Martha and the Doctor returning to Pharmacy Town and it’s all closed down. Martha asks what Boe meant by “you are not alone.” He has her. Is that it? The Doctor smiles as he says he doesn’t think so. He offers a t00-amused, “sorry.” Martha’s face falls as she asks what then. She wants to know what it means and what Boe meant by “the last of his kind.” The Doctor says it isn’t important, but Martha refuses to go until he talks.
Almost on cue, they hear singing. Martha says it’s the city singing, which they can hear in the under city because. The Doctor lied to her but only because it was better, easier to pretend like the truth wasn’t that he is the last of the Time Lords. That his people all died in a war against the Daleks. He starts to describe to her his planet and we pull out to the over city where everyone is still driving around in their cars and who knows who is singing.
Mari: This episode on paper is straight crazy. You’ve got everything from a coincidental alien crab creature to years long traffic to mood/drug peddlers to a world wiping virus to a woman who gave birth to kittens to people who somehow think that kidnapping someone for six years would be NBD.
It’s a lot to handle, but I’ve got to say that I found myself enjoying this episode more often than not. It’s strange to think of any world where people would willing go into an eternal traffic jam, though in the end that’s probably not what this episode is trying to say. I think it’s more along the lines of, “okay, so if there were an eternal traffic jam, how would people react?” Well, apparently they would keep their families going and start new families. They wouldn’t forget their manners and would offer strangers water. They would knit or car watch or maybe read their newspapers in the nude. They would keep some kind of hope alive of one day escaping the eternal traffic.
Maybe that’s reading too much into it, but there is an element of community here, in an episode where Martha is pressing to hear the story of how the Doctor ended up alone. Alone, but not, because here also we see him fiercely fighting to save Martha. Not because she’s Martha, really, which is going to always be a kick in the gut to her, but because she’s his companion and he wouldn’t leave his companion behind. Alone but not because Boe tells him the big secret.
Everything I’ve been loving about Martha, I still love and everything I’ve been not loving is still present. I love how she treats her kidnappers and how she works her way out of danger. I love that she demands information and I think part of it is for her own benefit. Cheen said it’s no good to put your faith and hope of rescue in a stranger and while Martha objected, perhaps that resonated with her. If she is going to continue on the TARDIS, to her, the Doctor shouldn’t be a stranger. She demands he open up and the Doctor looks every bit the lonely time traveller as he does.
I mean, this episode was still weird as hell, though.
K: Agreed. On everything.
Mari: Okay, so final note- David Tennant and a kitten:
Next time on Doctor Who: People pigs and Daleks in S03 E05 – Daleks in Manhattan.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
I'm a 30-something librarian and I still live with my parents because I'm super broke. Leader of Team Heartless Cow. I have an inexplicable love for 90s television, eat too much chocolate, and read more than is good for me.