Previously: BARRISTAN. GREY WORM. WHAT THE HELL?
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Kill the Boy
Marines: The last scene of the previouslies is the massacre from last episode, so I hope everyone is ready for happy fun times. The credits take us to King’s Landing, Bolton-Winterfell, The Wall, Braavos, Meereen and Dorne.
Post-credits, we see Grey Worm on a sick bed as Missandei watches over him and cries. Out near her throne in the Pyramid of Power, Danaerys and Daario stand over Barristan Selmy’s slain body. I had a feeling one would die and one would survive. And then the reasonable part of my brain went, “both of them will die; this is Game of Thrones.” (S: That was my reaction so Grey Worm being alive was a pleasant surprise? This show.) RIP, Selmy. I hope Dany’s okay now that she officially lost the only reasonable person in her entourage she maybe-kind-of listened to.
Democracy Diva: And the only one with experience advising kings, and the only one who knew her brother Rhaegar. I was too focused on how much I miss and love Ser Barristan to pay attention to how badly Dany really needed someone like him around. MY FEELS ARE MORE IMPORTANT, DANY.
Mari: Dany looks at the body, maybe trying to have feelings? Whatever Emilia Clarke is trying to convey here, it’s not working. Hizdahr walks in and offers his condolences. Dany gives a speech about how Barristan crossed a continent to come and serve her. He was a true friend who died in an alleyway at the hand of cowards. (D: This bothers Dany more than I think it would have bothered Barristan, who only ever wanted to die in battle, in service to his king/queen.) Daario suggests cleaning out the city street by street until the “rats” have nowhere to hide. Dany finally turns to face Hizdahr. She says she prefers Daario’s earlier suggestion of rounding up the leaders of every great family and bringing them to her. Hizdahr looks confused as he says he is the leader of his family. Two Unsullied grab him and lead him away as he calls out to Dany that he had nothing to do with Barristan’s death. She ain’t hearing it. She’s got to turn back to Barristan and keep trying to show emotions on her face.
Dragon Time Out. Dany has brought all the leaders of the great families there and we can hear the dragons roaring and rattling their chains. The Unsullied push the leaders further into the time out den while Dany tells them that the dragons will probably eat them, whether she tells them to or not because they are rebellious children. But she won’t give up on her behbehs. There is one leader praying under his breath and Dany picks him out to be the appetizer. I guess that praying did the opposite of what you wanted it to, bro. (S: Didn’t have enough [deity] points. Gotta get them points first!) A soldier pushes him forward and Appetizer falls to his knees. Out of the darkness come the dragons and they just set him the hell on fire.
Okay, this time, Dany’s blank face and momentary hint of smile are creepy.
Diva: You know who else enjoyed watching people burn? Her father, the Mad King Aerys. That hint of a smile was a terrifying reminder of the long line of mental illness in Dany’s almighty dragon blood.
Mari: The dragons tear their meal apart. The rest of the leaders are kneeling before her, begging. All except Hizdahr who remains on his feet. Dany says that they might all be innocent or they might all be guilty. She lays a hand on Hizdahr’s shoulder as she says they can let the dragons decide. “Valar morghulis,” he says and this seems to startle her a smidge. Not today, though, because Appetizer was really Main Course. She doesn’t want to overfeed the dragons. The rest of the prisoners are led back out. Dany watches her dragons feed for a bit longer before heading out herself.
The Wall. Samwell is reading Maester Aemon a report on Dany, who refuses to leave Slaver’s Bay until the freedom of the former slaves is secured. Sam says she sounds like quite a woman. Aemon says that she’s alone, under siege and with no family to guide her, her last relation thousands of miles away, useless and dying. (No wonder the previouslies reminded us that Aemon’s last name is Targaryen.) A Targaryen alone in the world is a terrible thing. Aemon’s feeling shesh is interrupted by Jon Snow. (Is it too spoiler-y to say that certain subscribers to certain fan theories just punched the air?) (D: omg air-punching so hard RN) (S: I feel like that fan theory has become so ubiquitous that I have a hard time imagining someone finding our corner of the internet without tripping over that one along the way. But, uh, sorry if I’m wrong, friends! Have a consolation fist pump?) Jon wants to speaks to Aemon alone, so Sam leaves.
Jon needs Aemon’s advice. There is something he feels needs to be done, but it will divide the Night’s Watch. Half the men will hate him. Aemon keeps it real and reminds Jon that half the men already hate him, so he should just do what needs to be done. Aemon tells him to kill the boy because winter is almost upon them. He may not be near enough to help his only relation, but he did just earn this SHINY NEW STAR:
We cut to Jon sitting in front of Ginger NotMance. Jon asks where the rest of the Free Folk are now and who leads them. Ginger says they only followed Mance and won’t follow anyone else. Jon asks if they would follow Ginger, if Jon were to let him go. They are not enemies. Ginger said they sure seemed like enemies when they were throwing giants and fire at each other. That’s all in the past, though, because Jon is Lord Commander now. He wants Ginger to go North of the Wall and bring all the Free Folk back. Jon will open the gates for them and find them lands to settle in. They don’t have to kneel to him but they do have to fight alongside him when the time comes. Ginger NotMance thinks his people will kill him if he asks them to fight along the Crows, but Jon says there isn’t much of a choice. UNLESS HE’S A CHICKEN BWOCK BWOCK. (Jon Snow doesn’t say it exactly like that.)
Ginger says it’s easy to call a man a coward when he’s in chains. Jon unchains him and tells him they don’t have much time. The White Walkers are coming. Ginger tells him where the Free Folk are hiding and Jon offers him horses and men to get there. They’ll need ships too, so Jon will sk to borrow Stannis’s fleet. Ginger’s last condition is that Jon come with him as a kind of insurance policy. And who wouldn’t want a little eye candy while traveling, am I right?
Diva: The lands beyond the Wall are cold and scary and full of monsters. Gotta get some beauty in while you can. Also, I am not the only one who ships Jon and Ginger NotMance, right? That’s like, a normal thing?
Diva’s OTP.
Sweeney: I’m into it.
Mari: The graphic convinced me.
Third scene at The Wall, because they only keep us where we don’t want to be. Jon has the men gathered and they are yelling and carrying on. He tells them lots of people will die if they don’t help them. The general consensus seems to be, “sucks to suck.” One of the Wall Dudes at the table with Jon says it’s less enemies for them. Stannis and Davos are standing in the back and Stannis quietly corrects Wall Dude’s grammar. First he hugged Princess Shireen and now this?
Sweeney: This was one of my favorite moments of the season so far. Perfection.
Mari: Sam stands and says there are some empty lands that would suit the Free Folk. One of the Wall Dudes points out that they are empty because the Wildlings kept raiding that area so everyone had to flee. Ser Alliser joins his voice to the chorus of HELL NOs. One of the Wall Dudes I recognize but like not enough to know his name (D: A+) stands and says that he’ll follow Jon anywhere, but the Wildlings killed Grenn and Pyp and so many of their brothers. He can’t forgive that. Jon takes up a different argument saying that they can either learn to live with the Wildlings or else they will be added to the army of the dead. The loud arguing and carrying on starts up again.
Still at the Wall, Jon is in his office now. His little steward Olly walks in and places his dinner down without a word. Jon calls him back and tells him to stay whatever is on his mind. Olly thinks Jon must be offering peace as a trick. The Wildlings killed his parents and his whole village. Jon carefully says that he knows what it’s like to lose the people you love (#starkfeels), but winter is coming and they can’t face it alone. This doesn’t really convince Olly much and he formally asks if the Lord Commander needs anything else. Jon says no and sadly watches him go.
Diva: I feel for Olly, but also, I don’t understand why people are so unwilling to accept the “either they join us, or they become ice zombies and murder us and turn us into more ice zombies who will murder more people etc.” argument. Maybe Olly hasn’t actually seen a White Walker (I totes do not remember), but at least the people who for sure know they exist should be at least a little bit on board for that particular argument.
Sweeney: RIGHT. Like, sure, fuck the Wildlings, but also WHY DO YOU WANT THE ICE ZOMBIE ARMY TO GROW? Jon Snow isn’t really helping, though, because he’s playing up the humanity argument (which I also feel for) and not concentrating enough on the ICE ZOMBIE ARMY RECRUITMENT factor.
Mari: Agreed. It would be wise to add more growling and snarling when speaking of the Wildlings, even if it’s for show.
Brienne and Pod are staying at an inn just outside of Winterfell. Brienne is staring at it and brooding. Pod says that Sansa is far from the Lannisters and finally home. Maybe she is better off. Brienne reminds him that she’s now with the Boltons, who killed her mother and brother. Sansa is in danger whether she knows it or not. A servant comes in and Brienne asks him if he’s lived in these parts a long time. He confirms. Brienne says that she knows who is in the castle, and she isn’t talking about the Boltons. She wants to get a message to Sansa Stark. She says that she served Lady Catlyn and swore an oath to her. She asks the servant who he serves. This servant is giving a massive amount of side eye.
Ramsay Ew Ew Ew EW Bolton is in bed. A naked girl stands at the window. He calls Myranda back to bed, but she hesitates. She saw Ramsay staring at Sansa. He says that he is going to marry Sansa, which will involve looking at her from time to time. Ramsay said he would marry Myranda, but that was still back in his bastard days. He’s a real (gross) Bolton now, so he’s got to further his dynasty. Myranda asks if he thinks Sansa is pretty and he scoffs all, “duh.” He finally gets up from bed and walks over to her to be gross at a shorter distance. Myranda says maybe she’ll marry too. Ramsay asks to who, since she’s a lowly kennel master’s daughter. (D: Um, lowly kennel master’s daughters probs marry lowly smith’s sons, Ramsay, otherwise smallfolk would cease to exist.) She moves to slap him, but he restrains her. He says she’s his, unless she begins to bore him with her jealousy. He says she knows what happens to people who bore him. Is she going to bore him? She looks at him for a moment and then kisses him, biting his lip and drawing blood in the process. He looks surprised and she smiles. See? She’s totally not boring. Ramsay turns her around and they start having sex and I don’t want to watch that happen as much as you would imagine.
Diva: I have the perfect shot of boredom-and-blood-drawing-related brain bleach for you:
Mari: Much appreciated.
Sansa is sitting alone when a servant enters to refill the wash basin. Sansa starts to protest but the woman closes the door. She tells Sansa that she is not alone. If she is ever in trouble, she is to light a candle and leave it in the window of the broken tower. Sansa starts to ask who her help will be, but all the woman offers is that Sansa is not alone.
We cut to Sansa staring up at the broken tower, probably feeling very alone indeed. Myranda shows up with compliments for Sansa’s dress. Tumblr wanted to remind you of this moment:
Diva: I don’t know what gives me more feels – baby Sophie Turner, or the way Sansa positively BEAMS at Cersei, the way she trusts her noble and beautiful Queen. #devastated
Sweeney: OH MY GOD MY EMOTIONS I CAN’T EVEN FUCKING HANDLE ANY OF THIS RIGHT NOW.
Mari: Myranda says it’s good that Lady Cat taught Sansa to sew, so that Sansa can remember her every time she wears a dress or something. Sansa bites back that she’d rather have a mother. Myranda chuckles at this a little, in case you were wondering if the girl dating Ramsay Snow was an asshole. Also, she says that there is another way for Sansa to remember her mother.
Diva: Myranda as a character has never made any sense to me. I can’t understand any of her motivations or what purpose she serves besides being someone Ramsay can say weird shit to. And, like, isn’t that what Reek is for?
Mari: Yes, but with less vagina.
Myranda has led Sansa somewhere and opens a gate. There are dogs barking in the background and I like this 0%. Myranda assures her that it’s perfectly safe for Sansa to wander into the darkened kennel. Sansa makes her way down and the dogs start banging up against their cages. When she makes it to the last kennel, she finds a man lying on the floor. He sits up and it’s Theon. She takes a while to really register this. “Theon,” she says but he shakes his head at her. “You shouldn’t be here,” he returns and recoils even further. Sansa turns on her heel and leaves.
Later, Theon is getting Ramsay dressed. Ramsay somehow knows something is up with him and asks if there is anything “Reek” would like to tell him. Theon says no, but Ramsay prods. Theon confesses that Sansa saw him in the kennels. Ramsay tells him that he shouldn’t keep secrets. He instructs Theon to kneel and lift his hands. Theon is already twitching, flinching under the promise of pain. Ramsay grabs Theon’s hand and places his own over it. “I forgive you,” he says and Theon looks up in surprise. Ramsay smiles.
Dinner time. Lord Bolton asks Sansa about her accommodations and she replies dryly. Ramsay makes a big show of pouring wine for Sansa and for a woman he calls mother. Then he stands for a toast, telling her they are all family. They are all Northerners. Ramsay’s toast is to their wedding. Bolton and Mother toast. Sansa lifts her cup but then puts it right back down without drinking.
Sweeney: I do love all the wine related snark this show brings. It’s the little things that give me joy. Very, very little things.
Mari: Speaking wine is a tiny consolation.
Mother says it must be weird for Sansa to be in a strange place and Sansa quickly reminds her that this isn’t a strange place. This is her home.
Sweeney: Ramsay ruins everything he fucking touches. YOU CAN’T HAVE “THE NORTH REMEMBERS,” RAMSAY. YOU CAN’T HAVE IT.
I’m sorry I keep yelling. I can’t help it.
Mari: It’s totally fair this episode. I wanted to do 90% of the recap in caps.
Sansa looks at Ramsay straight on and asks why he’s doing this. The elder Boltons have just been sitting there silently watching this happen and it’s so damn strange. Ramsay says that Reek has something to tell her: an apology for killing her two brothers. (D: This makes it ten times more strange that Roose Bolton, who killed Sansa’s other brother, is just chillaxing at this dinner convo.) Ramsay calls Theon forward and he says he’s sorry. Ramsay drags this out, making Theon look her in the eye and apologize in so many words for killing her brothers. Sansa is crying and Ramsay pretends to blow out a breath he wasn’t holding. He says he feels so much better now. Plus, he was thinking that since Theon is the closest thing that Sansa has to a living relation, he will give Sansa away at the wedding. He asks if that’s good and it’s Lord Bolton who says that’s all well and good. And since they are all together, he has some good news too. Walda (so a Frey girl I didn’t know/remember he married) is pregnant and from the way she’s carrying they think it’s a boy. Ramsay downs the rest of his wine and Sansa turns toward him and smiles ever so slightly.
Sweeney: The dynamics of this scene are all around fucked. Like, “Yes, fine, have fun torturing your new bride I have not a care in the world but remember that I have the biggest masochistic torture dick, son.”
Mari: This episode is doing this thing where it’s spending so much more time at each location instead of switching back and forth between them. I like this, in theory, as it gives a cohesiveness to each little part of the story. HOWEVER, it really highlights how uncomfortable the experience of watching this show has become. Some of these characters make me feel ill. On that note, we’re still with the Boltons. Lord Bolton and Ramsay are at a table, a map spread before them and their holdings marked with a little flayed man. Ramsay asks how they can be sure Walda is pregnant. Basically, Ramsay is calling her fat. Roose assures Ramsay that she definitely is.
Ramsay keeps being the cretin we all know he is as he asks his dad how he managed to get her pregnant. How he managed to “find it.” Roose ignores this and tells him that he disgraced himself at dinner, parading around Theon in front of Sansa. Ramsay isn’t ready to let the pregnancy thing go, though, and asks what happens if the baby is a boy. He thinks he’ll only remain Roose’s son until a better alternative comes along.
AND THEN, YOU GUYS, Roose Bolton is going to give his version of the Princess Shireen Speech. Ready the wine!
Ramsay’s mother was a peasant, the miller’s wife. They had married without Roose’s consent so he hanged the miller and raped his wife beneath his dangling body. A year later, the woman showed up at his gates with a baby she claimed was his. He almost had her whipped and the baby drowned. But then he looked at the baby and knew that it was his son.
SO CUTE, RIGHT? WHAT FATHERLY LOVE.
Diva: WHAT A CHARMING ORIGIN STORY.
Sweeney:
Mari: Roose looks back down at the map and says that Stannis Baratheon is at Castle Black with an army. He won’t stay there long. He’s on his way to King’s Landing and Roose knows he means to try and take the North. He asks Ramsay for help defeating Stannis, and fresh off the good vibes of the story of his birth, Ramsay agrees.
Back to the Wall. Gilly is examining the books and she asks if these are all the books in the world. Sam tries to answer patiently and gently, but it comes off condescendingly as he tells her there are thousands of books and that the largest library is at the Citadel. Gilly aggressively apologizes for not knowing things. Sam tries to make it better by saying she knows how to start a fire and mend things, but Gilly doesn’t want to hear that she can make real good sandwiches right now.
Stannis enters and Gilly leaves right away. Stannis looks around for a bit and then asks Sam if he’s Samwell Tarly. Stannis knows Randall Tarly as the only man who ever defeated Robert Baratheon in battle. Randall was a great soldier, but Sam, Stannis says, is clearly not. And yet he killed a White Walker. Sam tells him about the dragonglass. Stannis wonders why obsidian would kill a White Walker. Sam doesn’t know, though he’s been pouring over lots of manuscripts. Creepy Red Lady told Stannis that death marches on the Wall. Sam knows what he means because he saw the army of the dead. When the dead come, they must know how to defeat them. Stannis tells Sam to keep reading.
Sweeney: Man, Stannis continuing to be surprisingly endearing even while being his usual terse self? IDGI.
Mari: ME EITHER. Except I suspect he’s on his way to doing something truly heinous. Because this show.
Next, Stannis finds Davos, who is doing some casual whittling. Stannis says it’s time. Davos thinks they should wait for Jon to get back with the Wildings for added men, but Stannis thinks that’s an IF. They have the advantage with their well rested and fed men and horses. The longer they wait, the more things shift in Bolton’s favor. They march at sunrise. Davos offers to choose a dozen men to leave behind to guard Selyse and Shireen. Stannis says there is no need because they are coming along. They are no safer at the wall, where half the men are killers and rapists. When Davos steps outside, he sees Creepy Red just standing outside, airing out her creep or something.
The next morning, Stannis’s men are preparing to leave. Shireen asks Davos if he thinks Stannis will let her go down into the crypts at Winterfell. Davos says first they have to march and then take the castle in a battle. Selyse walks by and tells Davos to shut up about battles so he won’t scare Shireen.
Shireen tries to wave discreetly at Gilly, her forever baby baby and Sam. Selyse sees her though and gives her disapproving eyes. Jon and Stannis cross paths. Stannis says he hopes Jon knows what he’s doing with the Wildlings because he needs his ships. Jon swears to get them back to him and also thanks him and wishes him well. Stannis says nothing else as he leaves. He mounts his horse and Creepy Red casts one last, lingering look in Jon’s direction. BYE GIRL BYE.
Diva: Ain’t no lie, baby.
Mari: Meereen. Missandei remains at Grey Worm’s side. He jolts awake and quickly settles back down because gut wound. He asks for Ser Barristan and Missandei gives him the head shake of, “I’m sorry. He’s dead.” Grey Worm turns away from her, lamenting the loss of Barristan and his failure to his men and his queen. Missandei says he failed no one. He fought bravely and will fight again. She tells him he shouldn’t feel ashamed. Grey Worm turns back toward her and says that he isn’t ashamed by being wounded. He’s ashamed because as he fell to the ground he felt fear.
Diva: I too am heartbroken over this sweetness.This show has taught us to fear happiness and love. #AWESOME
Sweeney: HAPPINESS AND LOVE ARE LIES. ALWAYS.
Mari: Cut to Dany asking Missandei for counsel. Barristan told Dany she should show mercy and Daario would have her kill everyone. Missandei doesn’t feel like she is fit to have an opinion. Dany assures her that she knows better than anyone why Dany is here and who stands to suffer if she fails. Missandei can only tell Dany what she’s seen: Dany heeding the counsel of others and Dany ignoring it because there was a better choice.
Cut to the dungeons. Dany pays Hizdahr a visit and he kneels before her immediately. He begs her not to do this. She asks what happened to Valar Morghulis. In the moment, Hizdahr did not want to die a coward. Now, he doesn’t want to die at all. Dany says it takes courage to admit fear, but also to admit a mistake. She tells him she was wrong and she will reopen the fighting pits, for free men only. Slavery will not return to Meereen. Additionally, in order to forge a bond with the Meereenese people, she’s going to marry the leader of an ancient family.
Mari: Dany leaves and Hizdahr just looks down at the ground like, “WHAT IN THE HELL.” Homeboy does not want to get married to a lady that feeds people to her dragons when she’s upset.
On a Boat-cycle Built for Two. Tyrion is trying to start a conversation with Jorah, who is just steering and brooding. Tyrion asks for wine because he is “a person who drinks.” And people who drink need to keep drinking. Tyrion can’t make his compelling case as to why, Jorah spots something and stands. Tyrion turns to look and finally recognizes where they are: Valyria. Tyrion asks if Jorah isn’t scared to sail this way, as the saying goes that the doom still rules Valyria. Jonah isn’t scared of demons or doom, but pirates are. It’ll just be Tyrion and Jorah. Jorah and Tyrion.
As they sail along, Tyrion helpfully exposits that for thousands of years the Valyrians were the best at everything. “And then they weren’t,” Jorah says plainly. Tyrion starts quoting something as the sail closer to the impressive ruins. Jorah finishes the poem himself and Tyrion is impressed, even if he snarks about it.
Snark fades to absolute fear and wonder when Drogon flies over head and past them. Tyrion stands and looks on and Peter Dinklage does a wonderful OMG DRAGON. ACTUAL DRAGON WHAT IS EVEN LIFE? face. (D: The Dink serves some seriously Emmy-worthy face.) As Jorah and Tyrion look after Drogon, we see that on a cliff just behind Tyrion, a man walks out and jump into the water. They sail on through a cavern and suddenly a man lands in their boat. “Stone men,” Jorah calls out and all that foreshadow-y talk of Greyscale has its payoff. Jorah tells Tyrion not to let them touch him. Another Stone Man hops on the boat. It’s all Tyrion can do but just shuffle away with his hands tied. Jorah is fighting them off but another Stone Man lands in the boat. Tyrion yells for Jorah but he’s busy with a Stone Man of his own. Tyrion shuffles back closer and closer to the end of the boat until finally, he tips over into the water. He struggles with his bonds and then a Stone Man grabs his legs and pulls his under.
We fade to black and stay there for a few seconds. In a point-of-view show, we can tell that Tyrion is opening up his eyes, coming to. Jorah is shaking him awake. They are on the shore, now. Their boat lost. Jorah asks if any of the Stone Men touched Tyrion. He shakes his head no. Tyrion returns the question and Jorah says no for him too. He cuts Tyrion free. Tyrion thanks Jorah for saving him, but reminds him that he wouldn’t need saving if he weren’t kidnapped. The plan now is to walk along the coast and see if they can find another boat. Tonight, though, Jorah is going to collect fire wood. He tells Tyrion to rest.
Jorah walks a bit away. Tyrion isn’t paying any attention to him so Jorah carefully pulls his sleeve back to reveal a touch of Greyscale. I don’t even know what Jorah’s bad luck is.
Diva: My jaw hit the floor during this reveal. No spoilers, but they switched up a big part of the Greyscale storyline from the books. This was definitely a great way for the show to lend some urgency to Jorah’s desire to return to Dany and seek her forgiveness.
Sweeney: I, on the other hand, was sort of underwhelmed. I don’t really care about him so my takeaway was, “This is the character we built all this up for?” I was expecting someone much more important to me to get it.
Mari: As I already mention, this episode seemed to be purposefully slowed down, pacing wise. It’s a clever move in an episode that is all about the quickly approaching inevitable, from winter still for real coming, to Stannis marching for King’s Landing, to Sansa’s marriage to Ramsay, to another Bolton baby, to Dany’s quickly loosening grip on Meereen and now, Jorah’s fight against the clock, now that he’s contracted Greyscale. Last episode, Sweeney asked who would be the character all the foreshadowing was for and just like that we have our (S: unsatisfactory) answer.
Here are some of our favorite #gameofsnark Tweets!
DAFUQ?! I mean, as a book reader, I’m like, yeah, arrest Hizdahr. But it makes no sense here. #gameofsnark
— Wendy Weissman (@thewendynerd) May 11, 2015
Oh, that’s a great plan there Dany. Give them a taste for human flesh. What could go wrong? #gameofthrones #gameofsnark — Yas Samraoui (@SpringRain88) May 11, 2015
Everyone knows the best way to prepare Mereenian nobility is sous vide #gameofsnark
— Franuel (@LollyWheeks) May 11, 2015
I’ve never been terrified of Daenerys before. Until now. #gameofsnark #gameofthrones #gameofdinnerfordragons — Democracy Diva (@democracydiva) May 11, 2015
I also feel like a hundred-year-old man slowly freezing to death! #gameofsnark
— Catherine McGinnes (@CatherineJane91) May 11, 2015
Why is Jon counting the women among Free Folk that can’t fight? YOU WENT DOWN ON A SPEARWIFE!!! #gameofsnark #gameofthrones — Wendy Weissman (@thewendynerd) May 11, 2015
OMG JON SNOW STOP TRYING TO MAKE WINTER HAPPEN! IT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN! #gameofsnark
— Catherine McGinnes (@CatherineJane91) May 11, 2015
This epi is almost over and we spent half of it in Winterfell with the fucking Addams Family. Like, seriously? #gameofsnark — Catherine McGinnes (@CatherineJane91) May 11, 2015
Do not go anywhere Miranda sends you. She crazy. #gameofsnark #GameofThrones
— Patrice (@patreesa) May 11, 2015
This has to be the worst kind of rehab for Tyrion. #gameofsnark #GameofThrones — Rose (@Coyote_Rose) May 11, 2015
I hope we go to Dorne soon just so someone turns the bloody lights on #gameofsnark #squinting
— Franuel (@LollyWheeks) May 11, 2015
I like to imagine Drogon randomly sweeping through the skies scaring the bejeezus out of people and shitting on their laundry #gameofsnark — Yas Samraoui (@SpringRain88) May 11, 2015
Next time on Game of Thrones: We find out what’s happening in Dorne and check in on Arya at Hogwarts for Assassins in S03 E06 – Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
I'm a J.D. by day/blogger by night who directs her snark and judgment primarily towards celebrities and their many red carpet mishaps. Blogging from the style capital of the world (just kidding - I live in DC), I rant and rave over the best and worst in fashion and pop culture.
Nicole is the co-captain of Snark Squad and these days she spends most of her time editing podcasts. She spends too much time on Twitter and very occasionally vlogs and blogs. In her day job she's a producer, editor, director, and sometimes host of educational YouTube channels. She loves travel, maps, panda gifs, and semicolons. Writing biographies stresses her out; she crowd sourced this one years ago and has been using a version of it ever since. She would like to thank Twitter for their help.
