Kirsti: OH MY GOD, YOU GUYS. This was the season that felt like it would never end. And yet, it finally has, so let’s celebrate:
(Okay, fine, that’s Peter Bishop and Olivia Dunham. But whatever. It’s still Pacey, basically.)
Democracy Diva: All Joshua Jackson gifs are fair game, as far as I’m concerned.
K: Anyway, this season felt so long that by the time we’d reached the end, I’d forgotten almost every plot point from the early episodes. Remember how Eve gave Dawson a blowjob that caused him to crash Mitch’s boat and Pacey threw a stripper party to raise money to repair it? (D: Barely.) Yeah. That was THIS SEASON. It feels like the show has morphed completely since then.
Dawson’s gone from being occasionally insufferable to a smug, self-righteous asshat who I want to hit repeatedly with a hammer (Preferably Mjolnir). Joey has, thanks to her friendship with Pacey, gained a personality. Pacey’s gone from comic relief horndog and general fuck up to adorable puppy dog who puts others first – not just Joey, but Andie, Bessie, Jack, Buzz, Mitch and Gail, even worst-friend-on-the-planet Dawson.
And as much as we like to hate on Henry, let’s stop and think about how Jen was basically an angry, drunken mess for most of season 2 and started out this season as punk head cheerleader, and now she’s amazing and basically acts as the squad therapist. (Not to say that Henry was responsible for this, because he wasn’t. But his character gave Jen’s story a focus that it was lacking in season 2.) Add in Jack’s storyline this year – football star, moving home because Andie needs him, finding an ACTUAL BOY that he’s interested in – and everything was fabulous. Except, you know, the writers continually shitting all over Andie’s character…
ANYWAY. Let’s get ranking, friends.
- Stolen Kisses – Oh, please. Like you’re surprised by this. I love basically everything about this episode. Pacephine kisses. “My butt wants nothing to do with your butt”. Daydream Believer. Julie Bowen. PACEPHINE KISSES. Seriously, it’s all made of fabulousness. I mean, there’s that Mitch and Gail shit, but we can’t have it all.
- True Love – Again, no surprises here. Not only does this episode end with my ship LITERALLY sailing off into the sunset, but we got an amazing roadtrip, and a healthy dose of Jack Feels. Plus, it gave us Dawson Cry Face. What’s not to love?!
- Weekend in the Country – This definitely had its rocky moments, but there’s a lot to love in this community-comes-together-to-help-the-B&B episode.
- Four to Tango – Okay, fine. A big part of the reason why this is ranked so high is because of Pacephine dancing lessons. But there was also Jack finding a cute boy on the internet, and that was almost enough to outweigh Dawson being a controlling dick and Pacey and Jen making out.
- Cinderella Story – Sure, huge chunks of this episode (*cough* AJ *cough*) were stupid and dragged on for far long than was necessary. But that endiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing OMG.
- To Green, With Love – Look, I wasn’t a huge fan of the fact that they turned the story of a black principal being fired for suspending a white kid into a Joey Potter Saves The Day story. But there were some amazing lines and moments in this episode, and on the whole I look back on it fairly fondly.
- Crime and Punishment – Our first introduction to paint splattered Pacey, with a side of a ridiculous fight scene, a whole lot of “HEY, REMEMBER THIS THING WE HAVEN’T TALKED ABOUT IN A WHOLE SEASON??”, and some quality side-eye from Jack. Win.
- Neverland – Look, this episode isn’t GREAT. But it’s better than mediocre, so…yeah. Teary Pacey brought all the feels, and I loved that Joey was all “JESUS CHRIST, ASK FOR CONSENT BEFORE YOU KISS SOMEONE”. Plus, it was fabulous to finally have the female characters bonding, even if it inexplicably involved going roller skating in satin sleepwear and feather boas.
- Home Movies – Yes, there was a lot of weird going on in this episode, what with Dawson mooning over videos of Mini!Dawson and Mini!Joey playing together. But this episode is also basically the start of Pacey and Joey’s friendship, in the form of them cutting class together to go and get the TRUE LOVE sign for his boat. Plus, it features Pacey diving dramatically into the bushes when Principal Green pulls up. Fabulous.
- First Encounters of the Close Kind – Not gonna lie, this is only as high as it is because it features Dawson’s terrible movie getting laughed at. And it brought us Kendra.
- Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner? – Capeside does Thanksgiving was mostly pretty dull. But at least it marked the end of the Eve storyline. So that’s something.
- Northern Lights – Ugh, AJ. But at least this episode gave us Pacey in the school play, which was stinking adorable.
- Valentine’s Day Massacre – For me, this marks the line between good and bad episodes. There was some fun stuff in this one – like Kate, and Kate kissing Dawson and immediately puking – but there was also sanctimonious Joey and Henry donating blood to take Jen on a date and the introduction of Douchey Jock, Matt Caulfield.
- Barefoot at Capefest – There was a lot of stupid in this episode, but seeing Jack be an excited puppy over a boy was kind of adorable. That said, kicking Jen out of the tent and making her wander around all night on her own was decidedly not cool.
- Homecoming – This would be much lower on the list if it weren’t for Joey and Pacey’s Save Andie roadtrip. I mean, Joey talking to the nurse so that Pacey can sneak in? Adorable. But then there was that whole Dawson and Eve almost fucking and getting busted by the entire school thing, and NOPE.
- The Longest Day – Honestly, this is only rated this high because of that squee-worthy Pacephine scene at the start. Everything else was Dawson douchebaggery, and was decidedly not okay.
- Secrets and Lies – The only good in this episode was Jen being made homecoming queen and deciding to shake things up with the entertainment. Everything else – especially the Andie plotline – was a fucking trainwreck.
- Indian Summer – This episode was boring more than anything else. I went to IMDB to read the summary of it and immediately forgot everything it had said the minute I clicked back to this tab, so…yeah.
- None of the Above – This was just bad TV, from the whole Andie cheating thing to the Dawson and Pacey both walking out of the test bullshit at the end. NO 1 CUR.
- The Anti-Prom – Basically only this high up the list because of the “I remember everything” line of adorableness. Like, it WOULD be nice that Dawson throws an anti-prom so that Jack and Ethan can go as a couple. But he did it all to be possessive of Joey, so NOPE.
- Escape from Witch Island – This was a trainwreck from start to finish. It’s like one of the show runners went “Hey, my kid went to see this movie, The Blair Witch Project, at the weekend. We should do an episode like that!”. Flimsy and boring from start to finish.
- Like a Virgin – Eve came to town, Dawson crashed Mitch’s boat because of an ill-timed blowjob, Pacey threw a stripper party, and Jen inadvertently became head cheerleader. Not even that Pacey/Joey scene at the end could save this for me.
- Show Me Love – There was literally nothing to like about this episode. I think it was worse for me than for Diva because I had to recap it, and therefore had to spend like three hours dealing with Dawson’s insane douchebaggery, but still. This episode was awful.
Diva: Amen to everything Kirsti said, but especially the “I totally forgot all of these plot points.” Expect my list to resemble hers, in that nothing matters more than Pacey episodes. (I know that’s always the case with our season wrap-ups, but it’s so much more true this season than ever before.)
- Stolen Kisses – This episode was so great, I had to stop halfway through and email Kirsti about how happy it made me. This was the episode that made me feel like sitting through three seasons of Dawson’s angst were actually worth it.
- True Love – I’m a sucker for a happy ending, and this episode gave me THREE: Pacephine sailing off into the sunset, Jerky McPhee being a good father to his son, and DAWSON’S CRYFACE.
- A Weekend in the Country – The Potter B&B finally opens even though no one knows how to run a B&B. But at least Pacey tried to problem-solve his ass off, and started to realize he <3s Joey 5eva. And Grams telling stories around the fire was a surprisingly beautiful and moving scene. Also: kitchen dancing! Bodie returns!
- Cinderella Story – Jonathan Lipnicki is here for Pacey to be cute around! Plus, we finally got rid of Joey’s College Boy. The Leery restaurant stuff was boring and also dumb, but an episode that ends in THAT KISS is an episode for the ages.
- To Green, With Love – Capeside’s students stood up for Principal Green, and Gail got to do actual journalism things. Points deducted for this story being all about the white kids. But most importantly, THE WALL. The wall gets so many points, you guys.
- Four to Tango – Remember when Jen and Pacey were trying to be friends with benefits? Yeah, that was actually THIS SEASON. But of course, even though they’re both awesome, their lack of sexual compatibility could not compare to the total adorableness of Pacephine’s ballroom dance class. The rumblings of their future relationship were fun to watch here, and Jack had a quietly wonderful storyline as well.
- Crime and Punishment – Pacephine took center stage in this episode as Pacey solved the destruction-of-Joey’s-mural whodunnit and their relationship progressed. Bonus points to Katie Holmes, who knocked this episode out of the park.
- Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner – Grams Turkey Day God Fest ’99 had a moment or two of cuteness, and a lot of schmaltz. Pacey was a sweetheart, though, and we’re suckers for that kind of thing around here.
- Valentine’s Day Massacre – HENRY SELLING HIS BLOOD FOR JEN. One of the dumbest/grosses plotlines ever. But I loved almost everything else – meeting Kate, drunk puppy Pacey and his speeches, and Pacey teaching Joey to drive stick.
- Barefoot at Capefest – Pacey was the lead in the school play, so I automatically gave a fuck about this episode. Maybe even a few fucks, since Jack also has his first sorta-kinda-not-a-date with a boy. But we had to have more conversations about Dawson and Joey being soul mates, so… ew.
- Like a Virgin – First on the list of “things I don’t remember” is Joey’s Creeper Boss. We met him AND Eve in the same episode, making this episode completely terrible and supremely uncomfortable. All the brain bleach we chugged must have succeeded, since I’ve managed to block most of this out of my memory entirely. But we got a brOTP and Pacey comforting Joey, so, that’s something.
- Home Movies – Lame Leery plotline was lame, and Jen’s school selling her as a sex slave was fifty shades of NOT OKAY, but points added for the True Love scene and Pacephine’s “six seconds” banter, which I still love. Joey actually started to become a character I didn’t hate in this episode. No one should have to suffer through so many awful scenes with Dawson – every scene with her and literally anyone else, but especially Pacey, made me like her more and more.
- Neverland – Points subtracted because we had to have a LOT of consent rants in this episode. But watching the girls roller-skate in fancy pajamas and feather boas made for an awesome sight gag. And Jerky McPhee started to reveal an actual human soul, so that was a nice surprise.
- Northern Lights – I resented the writers making cool, talented, confident Kendra stroke Dawson’s ego. And I resented the expectation that I would give a shit about Joey’s College Boy. Also: Henry in the rafters. Aside from occasional Pacey cuteness and Andie getting to be normal around him again, this was kinda rough.
- The Longest Day – yup, this episode definitely felt like the longest day. We had to watch the same scenes over and over again, tip-toe around Dawson’s feelings, and then at the end, the show sank our ship. Fuck this episode. Thank god it features tons of Pacephine make-out scenes that boost it up about a million spots in the rankings.
- The Anti-Prom – Dawson was a controlling monster, and I could not care less about his parents’ marriage. Points for formalwear!Pacey, who remembers everything, but minus points for literally everything else.
- First Encounters of the Close Kind – Points for the introduction of Kendra the Vampire Slayer, who called Dawson out on his knockoff Blair Witch movie (but constructively, whereas I would have just laughed in his face). Negative points for Joey’s college boy and all the contrivance involved in that storyline. Most importantly: NO PACEY. 🙁
- Homecoming – Ugh, we had to think about Dawson having sex. And the show used Eve as a physical manifestation of a teenage boy’s wet dream, and it was the worst.
- Escape from Witch Island – possibly the least sensical storyline of all time. No sense was had at any point during the creation of this episode.
- Indian Summer – More Eve + more Creeper Boss = supremely terrible episode.
- Show Me Love – a dick-measuring contest disguised as a regatta. All-around atrocious.
- Secrets and Lies – Remember when there was a homecoming queen gala and all the former living HQs had to attend? This episode’s logic was not like our earth logic. But I can’t even add points for the drag gala, because the Andie plotline was offensive, dangerous, ill-concieved horseshit.
- None of the Above – Eve says the words, “the apple is a metaphor.” I’m actually proud of myself for not quitting this show after that. P.S. No one cares about the PSAT.
Be sure to tell us your favorite and least favorite moments in the comments and we’ll try to act shocked if all the good ones are Pacey related.
See you next season!
I'm a 30-something librarian and I still live with my parents because I'm super broke. Leader of Team Heartless Cow. I have an inexplicable love for 90s television, eat too much chocolate, and read more than is good for me.
I'm a J.D. by day/blogger by night who directs her snark and judgment primarily towards celebrities and their many red carpet mishaps. Blogging from the style capital of the world (just kidding - I live in DC), I rant and rave over the best and worst in fashion and pop culture.
