Previously: Ana joked about ending things with Grey so naturally he showed up at her place with wine and restraints.
—
Marines: Grey really hates Detroit. He works real hard to suppress all of his memories from stupid Detroit, but we all know he’s really unsuccessful at that. Exhibit A is those nightmares he has about once a chapter. All of this “matters” (I use that word loosely) because he is thinking of opening an electronics plant there. He tosses the report he’s looking over aside and takes a sip of his wine.
“I toss it on the dining table and take a sip of my Sancerre. Shit. It’s warm.”
That is a really violent reaction to warm wine, Grey. Calm down. Also, because we are fond of finding ways that these books ruin our favorite things, when I was in Paris with Sweeney, we went to a wine tasting and the Sancerre was by far our favorite. And now this.
Grey decides it’s beddiebye time but his computer pings. He thinks it might be an email from Ros, but hark! It’s from Ana! Grey is super excited because receiving e-mails from Ana was pretty much the only thing he could think about last chapter. JUST KIDDING, HE’S NOT EXCITED:
“It’s from Ana. Why is she still awake?”
Why are you, barf bucket? (J: A fine rejoinder.)
The email includes Ana’s issues with the contract, listed by clause. Grey pulls up his own copy of the contract SO WE GET THE ENTIRE THING REPRINTED IN THIS BOOK.
I’m reading this book, but there is no damn way I’m reading this contract again. Here: I did it once.
J: I read it. Mostly. By the end I started skimming. To sum up:
No thank you please.
Mari: Ana’s points of contention are as follows:
– The contract states that the purpose for it is to explore the submissive’s sexuality. Perhaps that is true when it is shared with an actual submissive (J: This!!!) but Ana’s point is that clearly this whole thing is for Grey’s benefit. “I’m sure I wouldn’t need a ten-page contact to do that. Surely this is for YOUR benefit.”
Grey thinks (or Dick de Grey, if we’re playing that game today) “fair point well made, Miss Steele!” Basically: you are totally right! This contract has nothing to do with anything that will benefit you. Ha ha ha good point. (J: “But you’re still going to sign it, right…?”)
– There is a clause about disclosing any STDs or other illnesses and Ana reminds Grey that he’s been her only sexual partner, she’s never done drugs, and she’s never had a blood transfusion. He thinks that’s another fair point “and it dawns on me that this is the first time I haven’t had to consider the sexual history of a partner. Well, that’s one advantage of screwing a virgin.”
Um 1.) it did not just DAWN on you because you already made sick comments about her pristine vagina and 2.)
J: Again, isn’t this supposed to be a romantic book? At least to some extent? There was absolutely nothing romantic about that last chain of thought, Grey. Or any of them.
Mari:
– Ana likes the clause that lets her terminate at any time if Grey isn’t sticking to the agreed limits. She must not be worried about being dead by that point.
– She wants to talk more about the obey in all things clause. (J: Which, again, should be a huge red flag to a responsible (ha!) dominant seeking a willing submissive. This is NOT what’s happening here.)
– She wants a one month trial period, not three. Grey doesn’t think that’s enough. “How far can we go in a month?” Want to know why that’s hilarious? Let’s travel back to Fifty Shades Darker, because we have a handy picture for that one:
– Ana doesn’t want to commit every weekend to Grey because she does or will have a life. “Does or will have” is her way of putting it. She wants to only spend 3 out of 4 weekends with him. Grey doesn’t like this one bit.
“And she’ll have the opportunity to socialize with other men? She’ll realize what she’s missing. I’m not sure about this.”
I’M SO ANGRY. MY ANGER IS ANGRY. Remember how I went on and on about how Grey was isolating Ana and that’s a clear sign of an abusive relationship? HERE ARE HIS THOUGHTS TO CONFIRM. Grey is threatened by the mere idea of Ana socializing with other men. I mean, it’s stupid and nonsensical too because she could “realize what she’s missing,” Monday-Friday, but in his royally screwed brain pan, the reason he wants to have Ana around every week is NOT because he wants her company but because he wants to make sure other men don’t have it. Uuuuughdskfdjoiewhoduhfoiwejrwobeuirthakdlskds.
J: Angry anger seconded! No matter what he might protest when other people are around, he is NOT interested in her well-being at all. He wants TO OWN HER (it says it right there in the goddamn contract). He’s so unconfident of her willingness to be with him that he wants to restrict her contact with anyone who might see this as a bad thing for Ana (read: everybody) and basically give her no route of escape, no matter what the non-legally-binding contract contends. As we’ve already witnessed, when she says “no” his response is surprise, manipulative sex. So …. yeah.
Mari:
– There is a clause that says that Grey can use her body sexually or otherwise and she wants “otherwise” defined.
– Ana isn’t sure about the whole discipline clause. She doesn’t want to be “whipped, flogged, or corporeally punished.” Basically, she doesn’t want to be a submissive. Also, this clause specifies that Grey can do these things to her “for any other reason” and Ana thinks that’s just mean. “You told me you weren’t a sadist.” “Shit!” Grey thinks. He’s been discovered. Just kidding, though, because this isn’t “revealed” until the second book. His non-secret secret is safe.
– Ana is glad there is a clause against loaning her out.
– Ana doesn’t understand why there has to be a clause against touching herself without his permission because “you know I don’t do it anyway.”
– Ana wants to know why she can’t look into his eyes or touch him.
J: I can imagine them in the Red Room doing stuff and all of a sudden Grey is like:
Not even through the mirror.
Mari:
– Ana agrees to a standard six hours of sleep a night.
– Ana will not eat food from a prescribed food list. This is a deal breaker for her and Grey thinks this is going to be an issue.
J: He may take your freedom. He may take your virginity. But he will not take away … your junk food!
Mari:
– She finishes by saying they are going to have to go over the soft limits together because “genital clamps– you have go to be kidding me.”
Overall, Grey is relieved by her response because at least she’s engaged and taking it seriously. “There’s hope for our relationship, but first– she needs to sleep.” There is only hope for their relationship after Ana is in bed by her bedtime. Cool.
Grey responds with an email that says, “that’s a long list. Why are you still up?” So basically, “I’m mostly ignoring an email full of your concerns to get to my concern: your sleep schedule.” COOL.
J: Ok, I’m the last one who wants to encourage this email bullshit, but seriously- she sends him this long, super involved email about a thing that’s really important to him, and all he replies back with is a dumb comment and a nag about a command he gave earlier. Just- sigh.
Mari: Ana writes back that she was reviewing the contracted when she was “distracted and bedded by a passing control freak.” This response makes Grey LOL, but it irritates him at the same time.
“She’s much more sassy in print and she has a great sense of humor, but the woman needs sleep.”
I HAVE NO WORDS. I MUST NEED SLEEP BECAUSE MY SENSE OF HUMOR HAS DISAPPEARED.
Grey sends her an email in all caps telling her to go to bed. He waits for a few minutes for a response and when he doesn’t get one is convinced that Ana has gone to bed, “persuaded by my capital letters.” Bullshit. I’ve been capital lettering my butt off and this crap still exists. Surely, if capital letters had any powers, I would’ve tapped into them by now.
Grey tries to read in bed but he can’t because he’s thinking about… guess guess guess guess…. Ana! He wants to remind her what he expects from their relationship because he’s strayed too far from his goal. He remembers how Katherine Kavanagh asked if he was going to help them move. He thinks that maybe he can help them move and Dick de Grey says NO. (J: I LOL’d at this. DdG is very adamant that they will not be helping with moving. I’m not sure why. Comments section- what’s your theory?) Grey reads through her issues email again and writes back a proper response. Well, I mean, proper to him. Basically he just copy-and-pastes the definition of “submissive” as if that’s going to suddenly make her more receptive to genital clamps.
J: This is some passive aggressive bullshit and if I was Ana I’d have thrown that brand new rich person laptop out of the window and gone back to Morse code or whatever.
Mari: Grey falls asleep and…. guess guess guess guess… has a dream! It’s about Elliot and how Grey once punched his face a lot and he got a forever time out.
The next morning, Grey goes for a run, checks his email and is sad Ana hasn’t responded. He tells himself to get a grip and forget about her because he’s got a job to do and a breakfast meeting to attend.
We actually go to Grey’s meeting and skip all of it. It’s about tech companies I think and the acronym GEH (Grey Enterprise Holdings) is used to I get to giggle and use our GEH! This is terrible! tag.
That afternoon (spefically 12:30pm, for all those wondering) (Jessica.)(J: You read my mind!) Grey meets the president and some other important people from WSU. Grey looks around to see if he can spot Ana on campus but he doesn’t. “She’s probably holed up in the library reading a classic. The thought of her curled up somewhere reading a book is comforting.”
Why is that comforting? He doesn’t say but the clear answer is because if she’s alone and reading a book, she isn’t socializing.
Grey’s mom calls him and asks how Ana is doing. He’s rude to her. Grey’s sister Mia is coming home and Graces asks him to meet her. Grey agrees and hangs up.
J: He is soooo annoyed and embarrassed by his Mom’s nagging questions like “how are you” and “how’s Ana.” Oh myyy godddddd.
I bet Christian Grey was the WORST teenager ever.
Mari: We cut to Grey congratulating himself for not thinking about Ana except for the “times” during lunch when he’d imagine her in his playroom. Wonderful job, Grey. He tells us again that there is still no email from Ana, so he gets ready to do the only other thing he does when he’s not checking email, having nightmares or thinking about Ana: work out. Before he can get out the door, he hears a ping and knows its Ana. It is. She’s responded with the definition of compromise.
J: Fight fire with fire, I guess.
Mari: Elliot calls Grey and harasses him about helping Kate and Ana move. He gives a BIG SIGH but now he’s got an excuse for why he can’t be there: he has to pick up Mia. Elliot starts to ask more questions about Ana, but Grey hangs up on him.
Back to the emails hooray. Grey told Ana he’d “collect her” for their Wednesday at 7pm, but Ana wants to drive herself. Grey is annoyed but she insists and he gives in, thinking that if the date goes as he wants, he’ll never have to worry about her free will again. Ana thanks him for his kind and generous allowance of being able to drive her own damn car to a date and signs, “Ana x.”
He heads to the gym elated. “She sent me a kiss.”
Dear Grey,
You are the worst.
Marines
̿’ ̿’\̵͇̿̿\з=(•̪●)=ε/̵͇̿̿/’̿’̿
Trauma Flashback:
– After Grey leaves Ana’s apartment, Ana starts crying so much, Kate hears her and comes in to comfort her.
– When Ana gets the GO TO BED email she does in fact go to bed.
– The reason Ana insists on bringing her own car is that she “may need to make a quick getaway.”
Baby Count: I cried like a baby.
Favorite Comment Last Post:
So far, the ‘character’ I feel the worst for is… Christian Grey’s dick. Through his italicized dialogue, it seems as if it/he has developed a consciousness that surpasses even Grey’s.
I mean, can you guys imagine being attached to a stalker/ (probably) murder/ (definitely) rapist, and being unable to control his actions?
Maybe this book was written to bring awareness to the existential plight presented by Grey’s penis. Is he truly evil, or just a victim of circumstance?
Yeah, these are the kind of thoughts I must have in order to get through the pile of purulent crap that E.L. James has written. — Monica
Next time on Grey: Grey calls the plum dress “dark purple” what the hell on Wednesday, May 25, 2011.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
I'm a chronic book nerd and love storytelling in all forms. I'm particularly excited by the rise of the television show as an art form with long, cinematically beautiful plots and complex character arcs (I also watch cartoons). My travels in the past handful of years have led me through three continents and most recently landed me among the majestic mountains of Colorado. Some day I will compile all my travel journals/blogs into one place. Some day. Until then, you can find me with craft beer in hand, ready at any moment to deeply and passionately discuss survival tactics for the zombie apocalypse.
