Previously: The entire contract was reprinted, because obviously. Plus, Dick de Grey really hates moving.
—
Jessica: So right off, Grey orders a glass of Sancerre at a bar. It appears he doesn’t have the same level of hate for it as he does for Chardonnay, but with his volatile personality, who the hell knows.
The reason he’s chugging (I assume) wine at the bar is he’s waiting for Ana for their date. He’s nervous, because he’s never taken a sub out to dinner before, and that crazy Ana insisted on driving herself so he can’t control her every movement from the house onward. Other than that, he’s had a pretty normal day so far doing business stuff, including firing three people. You’re probably better off, you three unnamed people. Go off and live your happy, Grey-free lives!
Then Grey says this, which I’m just gonna leave here, ’cause I just don’t even know where to begin with it.
“The power is in the hands of Anastasia Steele. I want her submission.”
Alex: He also refers to her as ‘a prospect’. I’m running out of ways to say ‘this guy is the worst’, but… this guy is the worst.
J: He looks over at the bar entrance “… and my mouth dries.” Like instantly he has cottonmouth because Ana has arrived and apparently she looks hawt. So great, in fact, that he barely recognizes her. Aww?
“She’s wearing high heels and a tight dark purple dress that accentuates her lithe, alluring figure. Wow.”
The plum dress returns! Except, as Mari pointed out in last post’s teaser, here it’s described as “dark purple” instead. Maybe because Christian Grey is so angsty and deep that colors are “dark” to him? IDK. I bet he wouldn’t like this dress so much if he knew it was Kate’s.
Marines: I wish I could be the one to ruin it for him. Instant-cotton mouth because of that dress, eh? IT BELONGS TO KATHERINE KAVANAGH.
J: That would be amazing.
Grey actually compliments Ana, gives her a kiss on the cheek and makes a mental note to buy her some diamond earrings. Leading her to their table, he gives her the chance to order what she wants, and she goes with “I’ll have what you’re having,” which pleases him and he orders more Sancerre.
Alex: Even when Grey’s complimenting Ana, he’s still basically insulting her. For the last two pages he’s been talking about how great she looks, but he also keeps contrasting it with how boring and ordinary she normally looks and thinking that if she’d only wear makeup and dresses more often, she’d look so much better. Just fuck off, Grey.
Mari: Even something like, “I’d like to buy her diamond earrings,” is a hidden way of him saying, “well I could make her look better.” Take your MF diamond earrings and swallow them, diseaseface.
J: He asks if she’s nervous and when she agrees, he leans in and says that he is too, which causes her to “look at me as if I’ve grown three heads.” I’m not sure what kind of look that is, but it probably involves wide eyes and maybe a chewed lip.
Mari: For Do You Own a Face, we have to definitely ask people what kind of face they’d make if someone spontaneously grew three heads. I don’t think it would be particularly sexy, but we’ll see.
J: Ana is ready to get down to business discussing the contract, but Grey decides to deflect by sexily eating an olive (A: what…? how…?)(J: I think it helps if you’re rich?), causing Ana’s eyes to “grow wider and darker,” as though some invisible being is using Photoshop on her actual face. She brings up the idea that the contract isn’t legally binding and he doesn’t deny it. When she’s a bit miffed that he wasn’t going to tell her, his defense is that he thought she’d figure it out on her own. TERRIBLE.
Then Grey’s like, ‘what, you thought I would sneakily coerce you into doing something?!’ And when she says ‘yes’ he gets all offended and says she must not regard him very highly. Then he offers this gem: “Anastasia, it doesn’t matter if it’s legal or not.” I AND THE POLICE INVESTIGATING ALL THESE MISSING WOMEN BEG TO DIFFER, MR. GREY.
Alex: Maybe that should be the tagline for this book. ‘Grey: it doesn’t matter if it’s legal or not’.
J: He tells her she can leave any time she wants, even after she signs the document. Not because it’s not legally binding, but because he’s put in enough “get me the fuck out of here” clauses.
Mari: No, it’s actually because it’s not legally binding, moron. You are not some great guy because of all the “get out clauses” because there isn’t anything to get out of BECAUSE IT’S NOT LEGALLY BINDING.
J: Grey decides to boil it down to one simple question — does she trust him or not? She doesn’t answer, but wonders if he went through this with his other submissives. Grey’s like ‘psssh, no! They were already submissive and I just had to figure out how much I could hurt them before they left.’ (I’m paraphrasing).
Ana wants to know if there’s a Submissives R Us store and arches her eyebrow. This joke relaxes Grey, whose anxiety disappears “like a magician’s rabbit.” Why? Who knows.
Now what do I do with the anxiety rabbit?
Then they talk about food and Ana admits she hasn’t eaten today. This makes Grey mad and he threatens that they can eat there at the restaurant, or at his suite. Seriously, I couldn’t make this guy any creepier if I tried. Ana prefers public as “neutral ground” and girl, if you have to use those phrases, maybe you shouldn’t be dating the guy.
His reply is “Do you think that would stop me?” meaning “being in public.” #ThingsAMurdererWouldSay
Mari: Not even a good murderer…? Like most murderers are like, “yeah, I shouldn’t do this in public.” NOT GREY.
J: But psych! They’re not in public anyway as he has the dinner set up in a private room. She frowns but goes for it. (M: Another nominee for a tagline…) Grey gets annoyed by everyone ogling Ana (no talk of all the women presumably falling over him for once) (M: See ladies? You can get all the attention when you wear a dress and comb your hair!)(J: Just think what she could accomplish with diamond earrings!) and is glad when they’re left alone in private. He’s already ordered the food so they get back to their discussion of this boring-ass non-legally-enforceable contract that nobody cares about. Ana takes a gulp of wine (“for courage,” Grey assumes) (M: My corresponding gulp of wine is for numbness) and he thinks he’ll have to make sure she doesn’t drink too much and drive home- or if she does, he could keep her at his place and “peel her out of that enticing dress.”
Back to business, Grey pulls out A PRINTED COPY of Ana’s email. Seriously, what is up with his weird on-again off-again thing with technology? Does this book take place in an alternate universe where people can’t check email on their phone?
Alex: Ooh. This is Chekhov’s-printed-copy-of-an-email, isn’t it? I seem to remember that the printout in Grey’s jacket plays a part in an important PLOT TWIST later in the story. Well, OK, nothing in this story is remotely important or plot-twisty. But I do think it makes a reappearance at some point.
Mari: Wow, you remember more than I do. *drinks more wine*
J: Wait, seriously? Printed-copy-of-an-email is a thing later too? Are you joking? I can’t tell when anyone talks about these books if they’re serious or joking. ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE. Anything terrible, that is.
Grey goes through Ana’s Email O’ Issues but without directly referring to each one so I sort of forget what we’re talking about. Oh well. First off, he’s going to amend it so it refers to both of them benefiting from the relationship. Novel concept, asswipe. Grey is also so super anti-drug that he’s practically a walking D.A.R.E. campaign, which seems to shock Ana for some reason. He reiterates that she can leave at any time, but if she does he’ll never take her back. They won’t be getting back together, like, ever. Dick de Grey is adamant about this as well.
Alex: He does that full-stop/period thing after every word, too. Just so you know he’s serious: ‘No. Second. Chances. Ever’.
Mari: If he doesn’t use those excessive periods, how will we know what a big deal it is if he ~*changes*~?
J: Then they sit in silence until the food comes. He teaches her to eat oysters, claiming they’re delicious because “they taste of the sea.” But I mean, the sea… probably doesn’t taste that good? I’m not saying seafood doesn’t taste good, it does, but it does because it’s fish or crab or whatever. When someone says “it tastes of the sea” I think “oh so like salty and sandy and definitely stinky.”
He watches her mouth while she does this and it gets him hot and bothered, reminding him of that amazing blow job she gave him the other day. Grey claims she’s the only aphrodisiac he needs, then we’re treated to two separate lines, both in italics:
Yeah, I could fuck you right now.
Behave, Grey. Get this negotiation back on track.
So, like, is Dick de Grey talking to himself now? Does he have his own Inner Subconscious deity? This is getting just too much for me. (M: Let me know if we need to start charting this all.)
Back to the contract! He still wants her to obey him because: “I need to know she’s safe and will do anything for me.” Those … are not the same thing. Ana is also afraid of him physically harming her. He’s all shocked that she would think that, until she brings up that didn’t he hurt someone before? And his answer is all ‘well yeah, that one time, jeez’ and promises not to suspend her with ropes from the ceiling.
Grey wants more time for their trial period so he can spend it on her “training.” They compromise. Grey claims the “to own” aspect is just “terminology” and I call BULLSHIT and glare at the page as I read on. Ugh, this is so boring you guys. This feels as bad as the stupid sexytimes contract, but with worse dialogue.
They talk about trust again, and Grey rambles about pleasure coming from pain and after all that when he asks Ana about trust again, she immediately replies yes. This surprises even Grey, and he’s thrown off.
Alex: Maybe because a few pages ago she was scared to even be alone with him and wanted to stay in a public place? Make up your damn mind, Ana.
Mari: “I’m really scared you will physically harm me, but yeah boy! I totes trust you!” — Anastasia Steele
J: Another potential tagline.
The waiter brings the next dish and Grey jumps on this opportunity to talk about food again. He wants to control her meals but she’s adamantly opposed. He concedes that she can have control over her food intake and sleep. What a guy.
Ana wants to know why she’s not allowed to look at him or touch him during their sexytimes, and wonders if Mrs. Rape is the one that traumatized him. He’s highly offended and shocked by this craaaazy conclusion. He adds that she’s not allowed to touch herself “because I want all your pleasure.” Because she and all of her is his forever and ever.
Imagine this seagull has fancy cars and certain predilections.
Grey considers fucking her right here and now to see how quiet she can be while being banged in a public place, but switches tracks and talks about her food again. He wants her to eat more. He also wants to peel her out of the dress again, but she distracts him with talk of dessert. He’s like, ‘dessert without finishing the main course? But I guess you could be dessert’ wink-wink. Then Ana says:
“Christian. You use sex as a weapon. It really isn’t fair.”
Boom. I mean, you said it Ana. You said it. And yet, you’re still there. Grey agrees that that’s exactly what he does and then drops this gem:
“If you were my sub, you wouldn’t have to think about this. It would be easy. All those decisions–all the wearying thought processes behind them. … You wouldn’t have to worry about any of that detail. That’s what I’d do as your Dom.”
So basically — isn’t thinking hard, little girl? Don’t you want to give that up? Let me do all of that for you, it’s better this way. Really, dude??! Remember how last post our anger was angry? Well now THAT angry anger is furious and going on a Hulk-esque stomping spree. FUCK. THIS. SHIT. (A: Cosigned).
Also, ALSO: isn’t the point of Grey-the-book so we can see his inner thoughts and realize what a great guy he is deep down or something? But as far as I can tell, this scene plays out exactly like it does in FSOG and the only “insight” (using this term lightly) we get into this guy’s twisted brain is him fighting his impulse to have sex with her right then and there. That’s it.
Mari: It’s horrible in the context of these characters, because they are just as bad if not worse than we considered, but friendly reminder that EL James is also a crappy writer. YOU CAN’T EVEN ADD ANYTHING TO YOUR OWN CONTENT, LADY.
J: Sadly, I do not get to throw my kindle across the room, but must forge onward through this utterly unapologetic bullshit. All this talk hasn’t enraged Miss Anastasia Steele, however. In fact, she’s turned on, especially once she learns that Christian can tell she’s hot for him by the table cloth moving, signifying that she’s clenching her thighs or something. The two of them stare across the table at each other and then Ana picks up an asparagus spear– possibly the least sexy vegetable out there– and teases Christian by sucking on it. While she performs her “sensual disobedience,” Grey describes the heat between them rising several degrees. That sounds dangerously like spontaneous human combustion territory… (A: #AndThenTheyDied). (J: Yes please!)
Things seem like they might be going toward sexytimes but the killjoy waiter comes in and ruins everything by asking about dessert. Ana decides she wants to go but Christian really doesn’t want that to happen. She reminds him that graduation is tomorrow and she has a lot to think about what with his ownership contract and all.
Mari: Damn, after that asparagus, I was totally sure sexy times were imminent! What a plot twist.
J: He offer-threatens to maker her stay, and is frustrated that she’s not doing everything he wants her to do. He says that initially he thought she’d be the perfect sub by the way she acted in the interview, saying “sir” a lot, but now he doesn’t think she’s submissive at all. He can’t help who he is though, he says, and she says she knows. Eye roll.
Alex: All this ‘I thought you’d be a perfect sub’ stuff is making me so angry. Being meek and polite in public has FUCK ALL to do with whether or not you enjoy being submissive in the bedroom.
Mari: Also, she keeps saying stuff, with her actual words, about how she would make the worst submissive like, “I don’t want to obey you,” and “I’m not really cool with pain.” Pay attention to THOSE words, Grey.
J: They kiss. He wants her to spend the night with him but she won’t do that if she’s not allowed to touch him. For this he calls her “impossible” and is worried she’s saying goodbye for realsies, not just for tonight. She tells him she’s not sure she can give him the relationship that he wants– which is exactly what he tells her every time he thinks she’s expecting him to be boyfriend material.
Grey hides his pain and takes her down to get her car from the valet. He decides that if she only experiences the Red Room of Pain, it will all become clear to her and work out just fine. He asks if she’ll come to his place on Sunday after moving to Seattle. She says maybe. He then notices she seems to be slightly cold, but doesn’t have a jacket. “This woman needs looking after,” is his immediate next thought.
WHAAT, NO JACKET? YEP THAT PROVES IT, ANA IS MENTALLY INCOMPETENT TO RUN HER OWN LIFE, SAVE HER FROM HERSELF, GREY!
When Grey sees her car he’s aghast that she’s made it this far without dying in a fiery explosion or having it disintegrate around her. He wants to buy her a car but she’s adamant that he should not do that. Grey’s response? “We’ll see,” I mutter. HE’S MUTTERING GUYS. THIS IS NOT GOOD.
But Grey is forced to watch her drive off into the night, and stands in the street feeling helpless and foolish. While reading, I smirk vindictively.
Grey returns to the hotel and grabs a bottle of Sancerre to take up to his room. There he spots his laptop and ignores the warnings of many who have drunkenly gone down this path before and opens it up to his email. He shoots one off to Ana, saying he hopes she will consider everything they talked about and promises they can make it work and will take it slow.
In basically the same breath, he emails Taylor to send up the Audi. So– she said she didn’t want the car, but what she wants doesn’t matter, and he’s going to do it anyway. Like a dick. And his reasoning? Not that she’d like it. Not to do something nice for her. TO KEEP HER SAFE. SO HE CAN FUCK HER.
Someone please send Grey back to Ancient Rome.
Grey reads for a bit, then texts her when he doesn’t hear back. Then he sends another email asking if she made it home ok in that car. As he gets into bed, he consoles himself that he’ll see her at graduation tomorrow and then know once and for all if she’s turning him down. As he drifts off to dreamland, Dick de Grey speaks up and says “You’ve really fucked up this deal, Grey.”
This deal. THIS. DEAL.
I can’t. I’m out.
Trauma Flashback
- Before the date, Ana calls her mom, who confirms she can’t come to Ana’s graduation because her current husband has a pulled ligament.
- Ana next calls her stepdad Ray and they have a nice chat.
- It starts to get crowded in Ana’s head as she decides to channel her “inner Ray” to get courage to meet Grey for the date, meanwhile her Inner Goddess is making some obscene gestures toward Paul at work who keeps asking her out.
- When Ana leaves Grey at the end of the dinner after they kiss, she describes the decision to get the hell out of there as “a moment of clarity.”
- Ana cries all the way home
- Ana cries when she reads Grey’s “let’s take it slow email”
- As she’s drifting off to dreamland, Ana considers that they might just be able to work something out, somehow.
Baby Count: 2
Favorite comment last post:
My Moving Theory: Dick de Grey does not want Christian to help with moving because sometimes people move mirrors. And if Grey comes across a mirror and people notice he has no reflection, then he is revealed as a vampire. And then this book becomes straight up Twilight and we all have to suffer a(nother?) legal battle between two of the worst writers in the history of ever.
In short, we have much to thank DdG for.
P.S. Dick de Grey was once a lawyer. He did bad things. And as his punishment he was reincarnated as Christian’s dick. — Da Bomb From Guam Mafnas
Next time on Grey: It’s graduation and this time, we actually have to listen to Grey’s speech on Thursday May 26, 2011.
I'm a chronic book nerd and love storytelling in all forms. I'm particularly excited by the rise of the television show as an art form with long, cinematically beautiful plots and complex character arcs (I also watch cartoons). My travels in the past handful of years have led me through three continents and most recently landed me among the majestic mountains of Colorado. Some day I will compile all my travel journals/blogs into one place. Some day. Until then, you can find me with craft beer in hand, ready at any moment to deeply and passionately discuss survival tactics for the zombie apocalypse.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
I'm a thirty-year-old postgrad living in Scotland. When I'm not writing (which, between my degree and Snark Squad, is almost never) I watch entirely too much TV, and live in constant fear of the day that I run out of things to watch.