Previously: Damn it, Sam Winchester. WTF.
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Lucifer Rising
Marines: LOOK AT ME! I’m recapping an episode of Supernatural!
…which probably explains why this is all late because I’m messing up Kirsti’s timeliness completely. Sorry I’m the worst!
Kirsti: Who cares about timeliness when it means I GET AN EPISODE OFF WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
Mari: Oh, okay. I feel better!
Carry on my wayward son! I’ve been around these parts long enough to know that this song means we’ve reached finale time. There is a round of extended, season-long previouslies that ends with Sam walking out on Dean.
We start in 1972 at St. Mary’s Convent in Ilchester, Maryland. Creepy air swooshes through the convent. A priest stands before an altar and all of sudden his attacked by black, demon smoke. Sucks.
Next, we see Demon Priest stand at that same altar, blah blah blah-ing his way through the Lord’s Prayer. One of the nuns gives him a bit of judgey eye. Demon Priest starts sermonizing about how the creator is so difficult to find and how he feels like he’s literally been wandering a desert for 40 years. As he does this he walks to the back door and locks it. He clarifies that he’s talking about his father, not their father. His father was thrown in jail by their father. Turns out the place the cage door opens is this very convent. One of the nuns is like, “uh, Father?” and Demon Priest yells, “shut your friggin’ pie hole you little slut.” She’s a nun so the only reason to call her “a little slut,” I mean not there is ever ANY reason to call anyone a slut, is for MISOGYNY SHOTS!
Demon Priest goes on that it kind of makes sense because his daddy was an angel after all. Someone must’ve stood at this spot and felt “his holy juice” and thought to build a convent. It was the right idea but the wrong angel. Demon Priest’s eyes go yellow (a-ha) (K: Sup, Azazel?) and he picks up a knife. We pull out of the room but still hear the nuns screaming as the camera pans around to a creepy angel statue. As if these ladies need to worry about Weeping Angels right now too.
K: Every day on my way home from work, I have to pass a cemetery full of angel statues. Between Doctor Who and Supernatural, I AM NOT OKAY WITH THIS.
Mari: CREEPY BIRDS. (Just remember that I wanted to call these the crowdits.)
We focus in on Sam Winchester’s stupid face.
Ruby is behind him, packing up a car. She asks if he’s okay because he’s brooding and swallowing and nostril flaring. Sam says he’s fine but Ruby doesn’t believe him because everyone in the tri-county area can see the brood on his face.
K: Somewhere in another fictional universe, Angel’s spidey senses tingle. Someone is trying to steal his Brood Crown.
Mari: Ruby says that Dean shouldn’t have said those things, but she’s sure the boys will just kiss and make-up like they always do. Sam says there won’t be an “after” for him. He can feel how he’s changed for good. There is no going back. And anyway, Sam says Dean’s better off far away from him.
We cut to Dean and do a little fuzzy-to-focused camera work on his face too. Bobby calls Dean out of his brood. He wants Dean to call Sam. Dean says Sam never wanted to be part of this family and he is done chasing Sam around. Bobby doesn’t think Dean means this but Dean is all, “YES HUH.” Sam is gone and Dean isn’t even sure if Sam’s still his brother.
Bobby turns around because he’s got so much anger. He tries takes a few heaving breaths and then throws everything off of his desk.
Bobby keeps yelling that family is supposed to make you miserable and he mentions apple pie for some reason. I only care because Dean/pie OTP. Dean repeats the bit about telling Sam that if he walked out that door, he should never come back. Sam still walked. Bobby calls Dean a whiny brat. I would like this whole thing more if Bobby weren’t fighting in favor of Sam. Sorry, I still hate Sam right now. A lot.
K: I feel like Bobby’s fighting less in favour of Sam and more in favour of family. But this theory cannot be proved in anyway, so…carry on.
Mari: I think that’s right but his family argument right now still favors Sam, at least in the short term.
Anyway, Bobby brings out the big guns and says that Dean sounds like his father, the coward. Papa Winchester chose to push Sam away rather than reach out to him, which isn’t very brave. Bobby says Dean is a better man than Papa Winchester. “You do both of us a favor: don’t be him.”
Dean turns away and toward the window, probably so he can cry in peace. Something is weird, though. He turns back around and he’s no longer in Bobby’s cabin. He looks around a bit like WTF until Castiel shows up to tell him that it’s almost time. We are so close in his face that I can tell that Misha Collins could use some chapstick.
Hospital. Demon Nurse, the one who works for Lilith, is stealing a baby while singing Pat-a-Cake. She’s suddenly blasted back and into a wall. Sam walks out with Ruby just behind him. He tells Demon Nurse that they need to talk.
Angel Room of Ostentatious Decor. A platter full of burgers and bucket full of beer magically appears. Dean is staring at one of the bottles of beer when Zachariah and Castiel appear. Zachariah weirdly says that Dean is looking fit and it comes with an appreciative once over and everything. Dean calls this whole set-up “The Suite Life of Zach and Cas” but the joke is totally lost on them.
Dean asks where he is. Zachariah calls it a greenroom, somewhere to keep him safe until showtime. Dean wants to talk about the game plan but Zach doesn’t want him to worry about that. He keeps trying to distract him with burgers and offers to bring in Ginger and Mary Anne from Gilligan’s Island, but Dean insists.
K: Probably because he’d prefer it if Zach just left him alone with Cas. Or maybe that’s my head canon.
Mari: Always.
All the seals have fallen except one. Dean is snarky and Zachariah asks if that’s really appropriate considering that he started all this. Lilith has to break the last seal herself and the angels are working on getting more details. Dean starts getting riled up again, demanding to know what his role is and asking why he should have faith in any of this. Zachariah reminds him that he swore obedience.
Sam has Demon Nurse strapped to a table and starts to torture her with his new demon blood super powers.
Suite Life. Dean is pacing and staring at his cell phone. After a bit he decides to go ahead and call Sam. He leaves an awkward apology voice mail, which of course cuts him off because TV. From the quiet suite we cut suddenly back to the torture basement and Demon Nurse’s screams. She begs Sam to stop and gives over the information they need: Lilith will be in Ilchester, Maryland at a convent the next night. She has to break the final seal. Demon Nurse begs for death and Sam’s about to do it, but Ruby stops him. He’s going to need lots of demon blood to replenish, so Ruby suggests they bring Demon Nurse with them.
K: Sam. Dude. NO.
Mari: Sam is way past DUDE. NO. territory.
Demon Nurse thinks about this for a while and then reminds Sam and Ruby that it isn’t just the demon they are bleeding dry. In fact, she takes a little nap and the real nurse, Cindy, slowly comes to. Cindy gives less than the WTF reaction this calls for and then notices Sam and Ruby standing nearby. She asks them to help her. Sam is horrified. Ruby is annoyed.
St. Mary’s Convent, 1972. There are dead nuns all around and one specifically laid out on the altar. Yellow Eyed Demon (Priest), his robes and face splattered with blood, kneels before it and asks if the devil can hear him. A gust of wind blows through the room. Yellow Eyed Demon is super pleased like yay! 10 dead nuns is so worth magical indoor wind!
Lucky for him, more happens. The nun on the altar gasps and a distorted voice says, “I’m here, my son.” Yellow Eyed Demon says he’s been looking all over for his “padre,” even though the others have lost faith. YED asks how he can bust the devil out. Lilith. She can break the seals. YED says okay but what can he do. Devil Nun says he must find a child. A very special child.
SEGUE MAGIC TO SAM WINCHESTER. Geddit? (K: Hello, Anvil of Obvious Storytelling.) Sam is doing Internet research and has found a clipping of a news story on the nun murders at St. Mary’s. Ruby asks, “what’s back and white and red all over?” Sam says that isn’t funny but Ruby gives a little, “I thought it was….” smile.
The priest involved said a demon made him kill those nuns and he even remembered the demon’s name: Azazel. Ruby says it seems like St. Mary’s is the place t0 be. They should pack up the nurse and go. We see that behind them, the nurse is knocked out. Sam thinks that maybe they can find another demon but Ruby doesn’t think so. Demon Nurse is either playing them or really asleep in Cindy, but either way, it isn’t like Sam hasn’t done this before. I’m assuming “this” means kill a person.
We cut to Sam dragging the nurse out of the house we saw at the beginning of the episode. She’s panicking and telling him that her name is Cindy and she has a husband named Matthew. Sam pops the trunk of his car open and she starts yelling, begging him not to do this. He puts her in the trunk but he looks ~*tortured*~ about it.
K: I’ve just decided that this episode would be a great Criminal Minds crossover. *cut to Garcia briefing the team*
Mari: This episode has had a couple of jarring cuts. Here, we go from Cindy’s screams and her thumping on the closed trunk to the quiet Suite Life and Dean’s footsteps. He pushes over a little angel figurine and watches it shatter. Castiel appears and Dean looks at the broken figurine a little guiltily.
Mari: Well, after you said that, I did too.
Anyway, Dean asked to see Castiel because he wants to go see Sam. Castiel doesn’t think it’s smart. He and Dean face off as Dean’s like, “YES!” and Castiel gravelly voices, “NO.” Dean says screw this, he’s leaving, but he’s actually not because the door disappears and he’s trapped.
Cindy is still banging and screaming as Ruby and Sam drive. Sam wishes she would shut up and Ruby says that can be arranged. Sam balks. Ruby doesn’t get it. What did he think happened to the host bodies of all those demons he stabbed with the knife? Sam’s reaction is basically, “ugh, I don’t want to think about it!” which is primarily the stance of this show when it comes to collateral damage.
Ruby tells him they are in the final lap so now is not the time to “grow a persqueeter,” which is apparently a word that no one uses that means vagina. So, have another shot, friends, and think of all the ways that a vagina makes you too weak to kill people, I guess…? I don’t know. Just drink.
K: The unofficial motto of Supernatural.
Mari: Sam tells Ruby to drop the attitude and she reminds him that murdering Cindy is going to save the world. Sam isn’t convinced. He’s starting to think that Dean was right about everything. Ruby asks whether or not they are going to see this through and Cindy starts screaming again. Sam just looks out the window and broods.
Suite Life. Dean is trying to tear the place apart but it just magically goes back to normal. Zachariah shows up to tell him to “stop throwing feces like a howler monkey.” Dean wants out. Zachariah says it isn’t safe because there are a lot of demons on the prowl. Dean calls BS because he’s been getting his butt kicked by demons all year and they haven’t really cared that much. He asks to see his brother but Zach says that’s ill-advised.
Dean starts yelling a lot and finally asks how he’s going to kill Lilith. Zach smiles and says he’s not going to. Lilith is going to break the final seal. Zach sits down, to be in a better position to gloat. See, they were never really trying to stop the seals from being broken. Would 65 seals really get broken if “senior management” didn’t want it that way? Dean asks why and Zach’s reply is “why not?” It’s going to be an all out brawl and the angels like their chances. After that, it’ll be “paradise on Earth.” Dean looks around, distraught, and picks this moment to notice that all of the art on the wall is of the creepy, apocalypse, angel-killing kind. Zach is pretty MEH about all the people death this will result in. He calls it a “planetary enema” and there is just a lot of reference to poo in this episode.
K: I’m having a very poo filled day. What with this episode and the fact that I had a beef kofta for lunch that looked like a giant turd and the fact that the year 2 kids are currently reading The Terrible Plop (not ACTUALLY about poo, but sounds like it is), it’s poop central around here. Or something…
Mari: Thank you for sharing.
Dean wonders what happens to Sam in all of this. Zach smiles and says that Sam has a part to play in all of this, even if he may need to be nudged in the right direction. Plus, Dean has his part too. They weren’t lying about him being chosen, they just lied about the parts pertaining to Lilith and the apocalypse. See, Dean has been chosen to stop Lucifer. After he does, he’ll get lots of rewards and Zach even throws in a joke about getting virgins and sluts in there too. Misogyny shot or…?
K: Fuck it. MORE BOOZE.
Mari: Zach, villain gloating all done, starts to swagger away. Dean stops him with a question: where is God in all of this? Zach says that God has left the building and disappears.
St. Mary’s. A security guard is doing some kind of sweep of the property, in preparation for his most assured death. Lilith shows up and two of her henchpeople kill the security guard.
Dean tries to make a phone call but obviously his cell phone doesn’t work in angel jail. Castiel appears (I hate to keep using appears but it’s accurate) and Dean gets growly with him, demanding to know what’s going to happen with Sam. Cas says Sam is going to do it to himself, but won’t say more. Dean asks why Cas is here and they get real close so that when I was searching for gifs, this is basically all I found:
Mari: Cas says he’s sorry it ended up this way and Dean punches him. There’s a metallic clang through because angel faces are made of steel. That hurt Dean more than it hurt Cas. Dean thinks Cas needs a bigger word than sorry, since they are facing the apocalypse and all. Cas starts saying a bunch of crap about destinies and foretelling but Dean isn’t having it. He yells that all that is just a way for TPTB to keep them in line. Cas yells back that the world is crap anyway because of pain and guilt and stuff. All of that will be gone in paradise. Dean tells Cas to shove peace up his ass. (K: I was going to make a joke about “peace” being what Dean calls his dick, but I’m at work and I just…I can’t.) (M: That’s responsible adulting.)
This back and forth is about as entertaining as watching really pretty paint dry so anyway, I’m just going to skip to the part where Dean asks Cas to help him get to Sam. Cas says if he does, they’ll all be hunted and killed. Dean is like, “that’s okay,” or something like that. I think Cas is going to give in BUT NO. Dean call him a few names and I think breaks up with him because he says, “we’re done.” Cas whooshes away.
St. Mary’s. Ruby and Sam have arrived. Ruby asks if they are doing this or not but Sam needs a minute to think. He pulls out his cellphone and listens to his voicemail, but it’s not the one we heard Dean record. In this message, Dean calls Sam a vampire and a freak and says there is no going back for him. In the background, Ruby smirks. Sam totally falls for this and decides that, hey, if your brother is mean to you, now is a good time to murder someone. He tells Ruby to do it. Ruby goes to the trunk and we hear Cindy scream.
K: And here I thought the appropriate response to sibling meanness was, like, kicking them in the shins. Or stealing their phone charger.
Mari: You are thinking too small.
Suite Life. Dean finally goes in for a burger but Cas chooses this moment to whoosh back in. He grabs Dean and pins up up against a wall. Cas pulls out Ruby’s knife and I guess Dean understands what’s going on because he starts nodding at Cas.
Cas lets go and cuts his arm open with the knife. He uses the blood to start drawing on the wall. Zachariah shows up and asks WTF is going on and Cas finishes up his blood drawing. It makes Zach disappear, but not for long. Cas says they have to go find Sam and stop him from killing Lilith because she IS the final seal. Lilith dies and the end begins. That makes sense since she was all, “this doesn’t end well for me,” a couple of episodes ago.
Prophet Chuck’s house. He’s ordering some kind of sexual service because it’s the end of the world. OMG, I JUST HAD VERY BAD TV APOCALYPSE SEX MEMORIES. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, welcome to the Snark Squad.
K: MARI. WHY WOULD YOU REMIND ME OF THAT. GO TO THE CORNER OF SHAME AND PASS THE BRAIN BLEACH ON YOUR WAY.
Mari: Gotta finish this recap first.
Cas and Dean appear in Chuck’s house and he’s confused because this is not supposed to happen.
St. Mary’s. Lilith is preparing for her ritual when all of her henchpeople go down suddenly. Sam walks in with Ruby behind him. Lilith closes the door. I find it hilarious that her first move was closing the door. That’s practical.
Chuck’s house. Dean and Cas now know that Sam’s at St. Mary’s. Chuck is still confused because none of this is written in the story. Cas says they are making this up as they go and Dean looks at him, impressed. Everything starts shaking, though, because Chuck’s archangel has arrived. Cas yells that he’ll hold them off, but Dean has to stop Sam. Cas puts his hand on Dean’s head and suddenly, Dean is at St. Mary’s. Chuck and Cas wait for the arrival of the slow-ass archangel. Chuck tries to put a comforting hand on Cas’s shoulder, but that doesn’t go over well.
Sam has already started flinging Lilith around. Ruby sees Dean and locks him out of the room without Sam noticing. His hearing is all distorted and we hear a loud heartbeat over everything, as he tells Lilith that he’s been waiting a long time for this. Sam starts to super-exorcise her, or whatever, but faintly in the background we hear, “SAAAAAM!” Sam turns to the door. Ruby is yelling at him to do the thing and kill Lilith but… but… Dean is calling him!
K: I don’t know what it says about me or this show that I can hear Jensen Ackles’ voice in my head just reading that “SAAAAAM!”.
Mari: Lilith starts laughing. She says he turned himself into a monster and now he isn’t going to bite? “That is honestly adorable.” Because everyone in the whole freakin’ world has Sam’s damn number, this works, and he goes back to super-exorcizing her, now with added demon black eyes. Lilith keels over and we cut to black.
After the not!break, blood is running from Lilith’s body. Sam asks what’s going on and Ruby very happily informs him that Sam killed Lilith, broke the final seal, and now Lucifer is free. Sam can’t believe it! This all went badly and wrong for him! RUBY IS BAD? All of this is such a shock!
Dean is still trying to bust down the door.
Sam can’t believe it! Still! Ruby says that all of this has been really hard for her, especially since none of the other demons knew that she was still bad to the bone. Only Lilith.
Mari: Sam calls her a lying bitch and tries to super-exorcise her too, but it doesn’t work. He just hurts himself. Sam thinks Ruby poisoned him, but she says it wasn’t the blood. It was his own choices. Everything the Yellow Eyed Demon and Lilith did was to get him here, to this moment. Sam asks why him and Ruby just says that it had to be him because of reasons. Lucifer is going to get free and he’s going to be so grateful.
Dean finally gets in. Ruby says he’s too late but Dean says he doesn’t care. Sam grabs Ruby and Dean stabs her with her own knife. She sparks out and her body falls to the floor.
Sam tearfully says he’s sorry to Dean but in the words of Dean YOU ARE GOING TO NEED A BIGGER WORD THERE, SAM WINCHESTER. The devil door opens and light starts pouring out of there. Dean wants to start running, but Sam is rooted to the spot. “He’s coming,” he says super helpfully and that’s the end.
You guys, this is not a series that is at all helped by the recapping process. I mean, I know I just have the one episode under my belt but there is something about slowing this down to recapping speed that doesn’t do it any favors.
I’ve struggled anyway with this season and all of the different directions it was taking, but this did a pretty good job of bringing that together and really showing the contrasting places Sam and Dean end up. It wasn’t the most graceful or nuanced thing, going from the bright angel room to Sam sulking in basements but the comparison was there. Everyone was a liar, but in the end, the Winchesters both made their own choices too. Choices to ignore the fact that neither of them really trusted the angels or the demons, and yet they still played into their hands. All along, EVERYONE WAS TRYING TO GET THE DEVIL OUT. The whole damn time.
I’ve got to also say that I’m intrigued by the entire idea of Lucifer on the loose but I’m not sure that I trust the show enough to really feel anything past “intrigued.” I mean, the angel introduction this season was BADASS and most of what we’ve gotten is gravelly voices and a bunch of jerks.
Anyway. I DID THE THING!
K: And I am eternally grateful for it. I totally agree with everything Mari said here, from the recapping not doing the show any favours to the angels being a AWESOME REVEAL and an average delivery. There were definitely a lot of elements of predictability about this season finale, but…it could have been worse?
Mari: To end, a quick announcement: Kirsti bravely took on recapping this whole season by herself, which IDK how she even did it. Staring down another 87 seasons as a single recapper, though, wasn’t looking like a fun prospect so I’ve gotten her some help! Samantha will be joining her as a primary recapper starting in season 5! I’ll still be commenting and jumping in when I can and for season finales, but this way she only has to recap half of the next 87 seasons (K: Yay!(?)).
Good luck. God speed.
Next time on Supernatural: Mari is forced to rank things even though she hates ranking things hahahahaha. Find out how that goes when we wrap up Supernatural season 4.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
I'm a 30-something librarian and I still live with my parents because I'm super broke. Leader of Team Heartless Cow. I have an inexplicable love for 90s television, eat too much chocolate, and read more than is good for me.