Previously: Bella buys a motorbike and wants Jacob to fix it.
—
Annie: We open with Bella talking about how these motorcycles that they plan to fix up don’t need any other hiding beyond being in Jacob’s garage, because Billy can’t get his wheelchair into the garage.
Marines: Oh, well, I guess his disability worked out to your advantage then…? Hooray for you?
Catherine: Mmm, still risky. Probably should go ahead and blind him, too.
Kirsti: Maybe deafen him too. You never know, he might overhear you talking about bikes.
Annie: Jacob is working away on the bikes and talking to Bella as he works. Bella internal-monologues about how easy it is to keep him talking with just a few prompts from her and… Oh God, this chapter is going to be painful, isn’t it?
Jacob is telling Bella about two of his friends and then they show up. The two boys have weird names, apparently. And Bella likes to describe their otherness.
Mari: Okay, Bella brings up the “weirdness” of their names, like a dick right? And I’m not even going to get into the fact that is probably some racist BS, okay. I’m just saying that it’s RUDE to call someone else’s name weird. Jacob, bless his heart, warns Bella not to say anything about their names because it will make them angry and they will tag-team fight anyone who does. Bella’s reaction:
“Good friends.” I raised one eyebrow.
OH NO, GIRL. You do not get to make a sarcastic comment about the quality of his friends two sentences after you tell us how awesome it is that you barely have to talk to or pay attention to Jacob.
K: Truth. As the owner of a weird name, it’s totally fine for ME to say that I have a weird name. But anyone else saying my name is weird? FUCK YOU, ASSHAT. Also, this is totally rich coming from someone who…spoiler spoiler spoilery spoilers.
Annie: Jacob’s friends, Quil and Embry act a bit strangely with Bella there and ask if she’s Charlie’s kid.
Which is totally a realistic way that a teenager would talk about another teenager.
K: Goes hand in hand with Embry and Quil introducing themselves with their full names. No teenager I know introduces themselves as “Hi, I’m [First Name] [Surname].”
Annie: Once the introductions are over, the three guys talk about the motorcycle rebuild. Bella plays the whole “I’m a girl and we don’t know about things like motorcycles” line, because she’s bent on infuriating me in this chapter.
Catherine: She literally says that she doesn’t understand their conversation about motorcycles because she doesn’t have a Y chromosome. Because girls can’t like motorcycles, stupid. We like dolls and dresses and ovens and casual oppression in YA novels.
K: This is the same girl who’s incapable of identifying any car other than a BMW. I suspect it’s less about the lack of a Y chromosome and more about the lack of a brain.
Annie: Bella decides to head home after internal-monologuing about how she was surprised that she actually enjoyed herself.
Bella and Jacob make plans to get together and maybe even shop for parts the next day. You know, five minutes after saying she didn’t understand or like motorcycles. What is consistency?
Mari: In this story it’s basically just, “Bella’s desire to die trumps all other things.”
Annie: After some back-and-forth about how Jacob isn’t happy that Bella is paying for the motorcycle rebuilding, Quil and Embry make a joke (probably a sex joke), when Bella mentions that Jacob will be giving her free labor and riding lessons.
As Bella leaves, she “giggles quietly” and the sound of her own giggling apparently makes her “eyes widen in wonder.” Do. You. Even. Own. A. Face. That’s some A+ writing, Meyer. Well done.
Mari: Let’s take a break to all giggle quietly to ourselves with our eyes widened in wonder. And GO!
K: I can’t speak for you guys, but I’m pretty sure I look like a deranged serial killer.
Annie: Anyway. Because Bella was actually laughing, and it was a real laugh, and she laughed without witnesses, it signalled that maybe there was life after Edward.
Say it with me, Snark ladies: DAMN IT.
Recap continues, I guess.
Catherine: Damn it.
Annie: Bella gets home and cooks dinner. She shocks her father by grinning at him. Charlie asks her literally two questions about her day: 1). if she had fun with Jacob and 2). what did they do? Bella is bothered by her father’s two question interrogation and comments on how relieved she is that his mouth is now full, because this interrogation is finally over. Charlie does continue to watch her carefully as they eat, though.
K: He literally asks her if she had fun and what she and Jacob did together, and Bella’s all “UGH STOP INTERROGATING ME”. Seriously, she actually uses the word “interrogation”. STFU, Bella. It’s called a fucking polite conversation. Jesus.
Annie: He is probably concerned about your wild mood swings, Bells-bells. You’re exhibiting some serious signs of mental illness; Charlie’s just trying to be a good father. Be decent to him. (M: Consistency is: NEVER!)
After suffering through some more time in the presence of her father, Bella goes upstairs to bed.
Bella wakes the next morning and is stunned to see light coming through the window. She is also stunned that she managed to sleep without dreaming or screaming. She takes some time to see if any memory of a dream comes back to her… but nope. No dreams.
At breakfast, Charlie is still being a bit weird but Bella’s still acting strangely, so let’s give poor Charlie a break. Bella tells Charlie that she plans to spend the day with Jacob. Bella suggests that Charlie invite Billy over with some other friends to watch The Game, because she wants alone time with Jacob. Bella grabs her chequebook, because this is clearly set in the 1990s, and drives to Jacob’s place.
K: Thank you for mentioning the chequebook and the book being set in the 90s, because SERIOUSLY WHO THE FUCK USES A CHEQUEBOOK.
Annie: Bella blushes when she sees Jacob and reacts weirdly about it because she’s the worst. Once Billy’s left for Charlie’s, the two unsupervised teens start planning the trip to the dump to get parts for their bikes. Because Stephenie Meyer has no fucking clue what actual human teenagers do when left unsupervised.
Jacob warns Bella that it’s going to be expensive and she douchily fans herself with her chequebook. What teen carries around a chequebook? Come ON. (M: Only those who have old souls.) (C: #lewronggeneration)
Bella describes her day with Jacob as weird, because she enjoys spending time with someone who’s a happy, warm-blooded person who is not fighting his cravings to drink her blood and murderface her. Yes. How odd.
Bella and Jacob spend the day together. They go to the dump and a parts store to collect the stuff they need to rebuild their motorcycles. As they do, they talk about the different groups of friends to continue to underline have different Jacob and Bella are.
Bella has this weird internal monologue aside about how she still wanted to cheat (On Edward, I guess?) (M: On her promise to not die. You ever heard the expression cheat death? I think Bella wants to cheat life.) and that spending time with Jacob was a bigger perk than she expected. Because she is the worst person ever.
They go back to Jacob’s and they still don’t have to hide what they’re up to, because the adults are still gone. Bella watches Jacob work until nightfall and the adults return. They call out for Bella and Jacob, and the two of them run back to Jacob’s house holding hands and laughing. Bella tells us it’s a superficial laugh…? Ooookay.
Catherine: As opposed to the deep, meaningful laughs that the rest of us delight in.
Annie: Charlie takes notice of the handholding. Okay? Thanks for that observation, Bella.
K: I mean, I’d notice too. I certainly don’t hold hands with people I’m friends with… Charlie’s probably thinking “Oh GOOD, she’s moved on from the weird pale boy at last.”
Annie: Billy invites Bella and Charlie to stay for dinner and oh my God, why isn’t this chapter over yet? Ah, because Stephenie Meyer has to give us some Grade A racism. Awesome.
There is a whole bunch of other people staying for dinner at Billy and Jacob’s, including a senior, “like Bella”, but a year older. Not like Bella. The description continues:
“She was beautiful in an exotic way– perfect copper skin, glistening black hair, eyelashes like feather dusters –and preoccupied.”
She’s not beautiful, by normal standards, but she can be allowed to be beautiful in an exotic way. Because she’s got the otherness about her. If it weren’t for that copper skin and glistening black hair…
HULK SMASH.
Mari: I think this mean she has skin the color of Edward’s hair, no? Weird.
K: I’m pretty sure icky POC skin colour descriptions are to New Moon what Edward’s magic colour changing eyes are to Twilight.
Annie: They have dinner outside, because the group is too big for the Blacks’ kitchen. Bella continues to enjoy herself, the whole while, Charlie was keeping his eyes on her. Because you’re acting strangely, Bella! Jeeeeeeez. Of course he’s going to be watching you.
It starts to rain because that’s what it does in Forks. The dinner party breaks up and Bella drives Charlie home. On the drive, she tells Charlie about her day and he asks her when and if she’s going to visit Jacob again.
Back at the house, Bella begins to feel anxious about being away from Jacob’s warmth. Get it? Because he’s not a cold one?
Mari: Also because he has a penis and Bella doesn’t know how to human without a man to use as a crutch? Wait, I think I read more into that.
K: I’m sleep deprived at the moment because I make bad life choices, and I read that as “Bella doesn’t know how to human without a man to use as a crotch” and was like “………………………….?!?!?!?!” Carry on.
Annie: Bella checks her email and responds to one from Renée. Then she procrastinates by doing more homework but finally goes to bed.
Bella is woken up by the nightmare but not until the next morning…? I don’t know.
At breakfast, Charlie watches Bella too closely and it bothers her.
At school, everyone ignores Bella and that bothers her.
Lunchtime. All the poor people that call themselves friends or acquaintances of Bella, are talking about stuff, and as usual, there are too many details. Eventually, the talk gets around to maybe introducing some plot? Seems early for that, but okay, SMeyer. The teens are talking about how these big bear-like things have been spotted in and around Forks. They talk about whether or not it’s a bear, but that it’s too big to be a bear and… ugh. No.
Bella decides to participate in the conversation and continues to be a horrible person. She notices it’s been a year since her first day at the school and finally this never-ending chapter is over.
K: I had a lot of thoughts on the last few pages of this chapter, so I’mma bulletpoint them here:
- Bella’s all “Hey, Jessica, how was your weekend after I went off to talk to potential rapists instead of getting dinner with you?” and is shocked when Jessica is all “Go die in a fire, bitch.”
- At some point during the spring, Lauren had her hair cut from her waist to a goddamned pixie cut and BELLA DIDN’T NOTICE UNTIL NOW. What the shit.
- Angela deserves a way better friend than freaking Bella Swan. Especially as Bella says she intentionally chose to go to the movies with Jessica over Angela because Angela is “too perceptive” and would probably be like “I think you should seek help from a trained therapist”.
- Lauren sarcastically whispers “Oh joy. Bella’s back.” I’m inclined to say the same, with extra sarcasm.
Annie: A+.
I also have to add that this chapter is titled ‘Friends’, which is HILARIOUS, because basically Bella spent the chapter being a snarky bitch about all of her so-called ‘friends’. This girl doesn’t know how to friend. Because she’s the woooooorst.
Next time on New Moon: Bella runs into a lot of shit with her motorcycle in Chapter 08.
Fuchsia-haired, caffeine enthusiast, dog person, Raptors fan, sometimes blogger, music & social media geek, freelancer, human being. She/her.
I am a 30-something year-old human woman who lives in Maine. I'm a freelance writer who mostly spends time that I should be doing that, watching T.V. I also love reading and comic books way too much.
I'm a 30-something librarian and I still live with my parents because I'm super broke. Leader of Team Heartless Cow. I have an inexplicable love for 90s television, eat too much chocolate, and read more than is good for me.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
