Previously: The boys paid a visit to the mental hospital and killed another woman. Really, they should have probably stayed there.
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Swap Meat
Kirsti: We open at a bar. A late 30s blonde sits at the bar, sipping a cocktail and looking bored. Sam sits down next to her, acting super weird. He shows off his licence dramatically, talking about how he’s 26. The bartender’s all “I do not get paid enough for this shit”, which is legit. He proceeds to order a banana daiquiri. Blonde Cougar introduces herself, and Sam says that his name is Gary. She flirts with him, and he’s all “RIGHT?? I’m totally hot!”
His daiquiri arrives and for some reason, with every sip he takes, we’re treated to that “okay, seriously, your drink is finished, stop convincing yourself you can get the last drop through the straw” sound, which makes zero sense. (S: To frustrate us.)
Blonde Cougar asks if he wants to leave, but Sam doesn’t pick up on the Eyebrows of Innuendo. Eventually, she spells it out for him, and he flails excitedly before saying “Crystal, I would LOVE to have the sex with you.” The camera pans round to show us a nerdy teenage boy sitting in Sam’s seat, dressed in the same outfit. Basically, it’s a body swap deal. Hooray. (S: I hate this episode.)
BLOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!
After the Not Credits, the Bromobile rolls into Housatonic, Massachusetts 36 hours earlier. Cut to the boys talking to a woman and her teenage daughter. Apparently the woman used to babysit them when Papa Winchester would dump them at a local motel and go hunting?
Samantha: Since when did they have a babysitter? How many times have they shown us them NOT having a babysitter?
K: This is an excellent EXCELLENT point. Maybe she self-appointed after realising that two small children were on their own in a motel.
She hasn’t seen them since Sam was in the sixth grade though. Sam tells Teen Daughter that they’re experts at getting rid of ghosts, just like their father. The boys suspect Former Babysitter’s house has a poltergeist in it.
She tells them that weird shit started happening just after they moved in, just bumps and knocks at first. Then breaking things. Then attacking her daughter. Teen Daughter stands up and shows the boys that she has “MURDERED CHYLDE” cut into her stomach. Dean assures her that everything will be fine, and suggests they take a vacation until it’s sorted out. Former Babysitter sighs in relief.
Cut to Dean picking up their lunch at a fast food place. Gary – the teenage boy from the teaser – is behind the counter and judges him because of Sam’s “Health Quake salad shake“.
Dean’s all “Ugh, tell me about it.” He grabs the tray and heads back to Sam. Dean judges Sam just as hard as he dresses his salad shake. In case that sounds disgusting, allow me to remind you of a time when fast food places served salads in a large drink cup so that you could shake the dressing through evenly. Yeah. It’s that.
Anyway, Dean says that Former Babysitter looks good, and Sam’s all, “DUDE. NO.” Dean awkwards, then says that all he meant is that she’s doing well – nice house, happy marriage, nice family. He asks if Sam ever wants that, and Sam’s all “Nah, not since Azazel murdered my girlfriend.” Dean’s all “Yeah, I totally don’t want that either, sounds like a fucking drag.”
Their attention returns to the case. Former Babysitter’s house is like a bajillion years old, and legend has it that the guy who owned it in the 1720s hanged a witch named Maggie Briggs in his backyard. Except they use “hung” instead of “hanged” just to allow me to go on my standard rant about the misuse of the word hung. Once more with feeling, friends: pictures are hung, people are hanged. (S: Honestly. It’s not that hard of a thing, show.)
Anyway, they continue their discussion about how they’re going to find Maggie and work out what “Murdered Chylde” means, but the camera is focused on Gary, who’s creepily watching them from behind the counter. He stares at Sam with a disturbing smirk. (S: Hate.)
That night, Sam walks through a park, talking to Dean on the phone. He found no sign of a woman named Maggie Briggs in the town records. Dean suggests they take the rest of the night off and regroup in the morning. Sam agrees, and hangs up. Just then, he’s hit in the neck by a tranquiliser dart and passes out. He wakes up sometime later to find himself wearing Gary’s ugly fast food uniform.
Cut to Sam walking down an abandoned road in the rain. A cop car pulls up next to him, and says his family are worried sick. He’s all “…Dean? Called? The? Police?” because the LOLPD is strong with this one. He finds an inhaler in his pocket and looks at it in confusion. The cop tells him to get in before he freezes to death, and Sam’s all “Okay??” They drive off. Cut to the cop car pulling up outside a nice suburban house. He’s all “Um. I don’t live here?”.
Just then, a middle aged couple run out of the house. The woman hugs him in a panic, and Sam’s all “Please don’t, strange woman”. The man asks if he’s drunk, and Sam’s all “Who the fuck are you?” “Gary, are you drunk? Answer your father!” the woman snaps. Sam turns and sees his reflection in the window of the car, and it’s Gary. Sam’s all “WHAT THE FUCK? WHAT IS HAPPENING? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!” and we fade to black.
After the Not Commercial Break, Gary’s at the Motel of the Week, flexing his biceps on account of he’s now got Sam Winchester’s not insubstantial arms instead of his own twigs. Dean walks in and is all “Where the fuck have you been?”. Gary – I’m just going to keep calling him that because it’s too confusing otherwise – is all “Sorry, dude. Lost track of time. I bought you dinner though!”. He hands Dean a bag containing the same stuff he ordered from the fast food place when Gary served him.
Dean looks a little suspicious but takes the bag anyway. Gary says he’ll probably want to eat it in the car on account of he let the maid in and the maid saw all their guns laid out on the bed and now thinks they’re psycho murderers so they should probably leave. Dean’s pretty pissed, but agrees that they should leave. After he conveniently goes to the bathroom. While he’s gone, Gary heads out to the Bromobile and tosses all the cell phones.
Samantha: This is where I immediately get annoyed. Do not tell me that Dean Fucking Winchester, who knows his little brother better than he knows himself, wouldn’t be get all sorts of red flags. Real red flags, not just side eye confusion. And it only keeps getting worse.
K: An excellent point.
He’s sitting innocently in the passenger seat when Dean returns, and he asks if he can drive. Gary gushes about how cool this is, and revs the engine a bunch of times. Dean’s all “The fuck??” and tells him to hurry up. Gary puts the car in gear and promptly reverses into a dumpster. Dean gives him an epic case of bitchface because in his eyes, Sam suddenly can’t drive. They trade places again and the Bromobile vanishes into the night.
The next morning, Sam’s in Gary’s bedroom. He leaves yet another voicemail for Dean, saying that he’s trapped in the wrong body and could really super duper use some help so seriously, just call the fuck back already PS. He has asthma and it sucks. Having tried all of Dean’s phones, he gives up and calls the Motel of the Week. He’s informed that “those guys checked out in the middle of the night“, and Sam’s all “Skkkkrrt, GUYS???”. “Yeah, one leather jacket, one Sasquatch,” the clerk tells him. I have to chuckle at that because the ridiculous ways supporting characters describe Sam brings me much joy. (S: Okay, agreed.)
Sam sad pandas, and hangs up. He studies his new face in the mirror for a minute, then decides to trash Gary’s room, looking for clues. He finds AP chem binders, Star Wars t-shirts, and a Busty Asian Beauties magazine, and declares him to be a smart, frustrated virgin. Then he finds witchy supplies, and looks super pissed. Just then, he’s called down to breakfast by Gary’s mother, and gets insta-teenage-y about it. He eyerolls for a second and then hollers “ALRIGHT, I’M COMING!“.
I call bullshit, because Sam Winchester has never once in his life been called down to breakfast by a parent who actually gives a fuck, and so would in no way have a typical “ugh, parents are such a drag” reaction.
Samantha: Nothing about this episode rings true with the characters that we know so well. This is another excellent point of that. Cheap laughs that don’t work.
K: SERIOUSLY. Nothing about this episode makes sense. NOTHING.
He heads downstairs, and Gary’s dad starts giving him the nth degree about how getting drunk one time is going to fuck up his entire life because he won’t get a full ride to MIT and so can’t become an engineer. Um. 1) I know a bunch of engineers – namely because my brother is one – and in my experience, few people are more up for a drink than engineers, and 2) there are tons of other schools. Slow your roll, dude.
Sam’s all “I give zero fucks about this. Have I seemed weird and into the occult recently? Do I carry around a creepy old book?” Gary’s little sister gives him a “DUDE, DO YOU HAVE A DEATH WISH??” look. He snags a piece of toast from Gary’s mother’s plate and starts eating. Only to be shrieked at because he’s allergic to gluten. Cut to Sam emerging from the upstairs bathroom, post-gluten incident. Sorry about your intestines, Gary. That’s gonna take a while to rectify. Little Sister walks up and is all “You’ll be grounded 5eva if they find out about the book”, and Sam desperately asks where he keeps it.
Cut to Dean and Gary down by the waterfront. Dean bitches that Sam’s inability to find anything on Maggie Briggs means they have to spend all day wandering around cemeteries hoping to find her grave. Conveniently, though, Gary knows exactly where she is – in the basement of Former Babysitter’s house. Apparently she was carrying the illegitimate child of the dude who owned the house, so he whacked her and buried her in the basement.
Gary’s super pleased with himself, then has to awkwardly cover and say he did a ton of research the previous night. Dean looks confused but begrudgingly offers up a “good work“. They jump in the Bromobile and Dean starts the engine. Bob Seger’s Rock and Roll Never Forgets comes on, and Gary’s all “Woo! Turn it up!!” Dean gives him serious side eye, but does.
Meanwhile, Sam’s at school leaving “SOMEONE STOLE MY FUCKING BODY CALL ME THE FUCK BACK YOU JACKASS” voicemails for Dean. A couple of his friends, a nerdy looking blond dude and April Kepner from Grey’s Anatomy, are all “Dude, what the fuck is going on with you?”. Sam just wants to know where his locker is. Locker located, he somehow manages to open the combination lock in like 10 seconds flat by listening to it.
At my high school, we just left our lockers unlocked all day and only put the locks on overnight, because ain’t nobody got time to open a combination lock five times a day. (S: I wish my school had done that. 4 minutes between classes and always spinning that combination.) Anyway, Sam rummages through Gary’s locker, then locates what he describes as “a very, VERY bad book“.
Cut to Former Babysitter’s Basement of Don’t Go In There. Gary’s being a total gamer nerd over the fact that he’s holding a gun, and Dean’s all “The fuck is wrong with you?”. They locate the grave site – conveniently marked by a special kind of moss – and Dean starts digging. Gary aims the gun at him, but before he can shoot, he’s hurled across the room. Dean rushes over to help him up. Gary wants to leave immediately, but Dean’s all “…..?!?!?! We didn’t burn the bones yet.”
Dean heads towards the grave again, but is thrown across the room. Maggie appears and stalks towards him. Just before she reaches him, she bursts into ash. Dean looks across the room to see Gary standing next to her burning bones. “Dude. That was SWEET!” he says, a huge grin on his face. Dean gives him WTF face. Fade to black.
After the Not Commercial Break, Sam’s scurrying away from school. April Kepner and Blond Nerdboy follow, calling out to him because WTF, Gary, you’re cutting class? Sam insists that he has to leave. He turns to walk away, and Blond Nerdboy shoots him in the neck with a tranquiliser dart. Sam very dramatically passes out. Again.
Bar. A waitress brings Dean and Gary a round of drinks. Dean orders a bacon cheeseburger, and Gary says he wants the same. Dean gives him side eye because Sam’s all about the salad. Gary says they’re celebrating and that he had a super awesome day. Dean finally cracks and demands to know who the fuck he is because Sam’s a misery guts who never has any damned fun and PS. today’s case was boring why are you so interested in it. Gary says that life is good because he has a gun, he’s getting drunk, and he looks like this. He gestures at Sam’s face with the last, and Dean gives him “EXCUSE YOU, *I’M* THE PRETTY ONE” face. (S: Lol. Yes, yes you are Dean.)
Gary goes on to say that he’s sick of feeling like his life is being decided for him, and it’s nice to just go off plan for a change. Dean can relate to that feel, so they clink glasses and drink together. Gary gets hammered off, like, one shot, and gushes enthusiastically about the bread when his burger arrives.
Cut to Dean sitting alone at the table sometime later. Gary’s over at the bar with Blonde Cougar, repeating a few lines from the teaser. They leave together, and he turns around at the door to whisper “We’re gonna do it!!” at Dean. Dean looks hella confused, then suspicious, then very thoughtful. (S: About fucking time, Dean Winchester.)
Meanwhile, Sam is tied up in Blond Nerdboy’s basement. He demands to know what the fuck is going on. Blond Nerdboy phones Gary – who’s ready and waiting for The Sex in Blonde Cougar’s leopard print bed. He demands to know why Dean isn’t dead yet. Sam’s all “WHAT???”, Gary says he’s working his way up to it. Blond Nerdboy fills him in on Sam occupying his body, but Gary says it’s not really a problem because no one’s going to believe Sam anyway. Just then, Blonde Cougar returns in a black patent mini-dress, carrying a riding crop. IT’S MRS RAPE, FRIENDS. Oh, sorry. Wrong Snark Squad recap. Gary quickly hangs up, and gushes “Oh, man. I am in WAY over my head!“.
Back in Blond Nerdboy’s basement, Sam realises that the kids have been talking to demons and that they’re planning on collecting a bounty on Dean, seeing as how he’s Hell’s most wanted and all. Sam headdesks. April Kepner infodumps – a month ago, they were messing around with the Very Bad Book when Gary went into a trance. While under, he drew a pretty picture of Dean’s pretty face. Except that Gary can’t draw. Apparently he heard a voice in his head saying that there was a bounty out on Dean, that the demons put out an open announcement to every witch and satanist in the country. Sam headdesks some more.
April Kepner continues to info dump. Apparently the whole body swap thing was Gary’s idea – go in undercover and kill Dean sneakily. Sam points out that this is a demon deal and, as our tag states, they come with catches. “You’re crossing a line you won’t come back from. Believe me,” he says. April Kepner suddenly has doubts because Sam’s making valid points. (S: Does this qualify as “Kids are dumb, yo?”)
Blond Nerdboy decides to take matters into his own hands. He grabs the Very Bad Book and announces that he’s summoning a demon to sort this shit out once and for all. April Kepner and Sam are all “BAD IDEA. VERY. BAD. IDEA!!”. But he gives zero fucks.
Motel of the Week. Gary creeps through the dark room towards Dean’s bed. He grabs a gun and aims it at the figure under the covers. Dean appears behind him and yanks the gun out of his hands. Then he punches him in the nose and demands to know who the fuck he is because he sure as hell isn’t Sam. (S: Ya think, Dean?) All Gary can manage is “Ow!“.
Basement. Against repeated recommendations not to, Blond Nerdboy finishes his demon summoning ritual. Sam says they’re all going to die, but nothing happens. BNB looks around the room expectantly, but there’s no one there. Then he spots April Kepner, slumped on the ground. He crouches down and asks if she’s okay. Her head snaps around, her eyes black, and she grins “Oh, yeah. I’m peachy.” Fade to black.
After the Not Commercial Break, Demon Kepner is all “Why the fuck am I here?”. BNB fills her in, and she’s thrilled to hear that they not only have Dean Winchester in town, but Sam’s meat suit, ready and waiting for possession. BNB says he’s handing them both over to her, and also is there maybe a reward? She smirks that he’ll have her undying gratitude. BNB’s all “THAT’S IT??”. “Be quiet, you idiot!” Sam eyerolls in the background. BNB demands his reward. (S: So stupid. Do not demand shit from DEMONS.)
Demon Kepner is all “ugh, fine, whatever.” He demands money and for a certain girl at school to fall for him. She counters by sticking her hand into his chest. Blood runs from his mouth and he dies a miserable death. Demon Kepner licks the blood from her hand. “Yum. Tastes like moron,” she says.
Meanwhile, Dean’s finally checking his voicemail to find that he has 38 panicky messages from Sam. (S: That is one large voice mail box. Mine gets full at like, 20.) (K: I never have more than one – which is usually from my mother – because everyone else knows to TEXT ME LIKE A NORMAL PERSON.) He demands to know where his brother is. Gary admits that he’s in BNB’s basement because his parents are out of town. Dean’s like “… parents?! How old are you??” Gary says 17 and Dean headdesks. Just then, he flies across the room. Demon Kepner smirks her way into the room. Sam tries to break free from his bonds and fails miserably. Eventually, he looks at his pathetic weakling reflection and gives up.
Motel. Dean’s unconscious on the floor. Demon Kepner frees Gary and asks what he wants because he’s totally earned it. He says he wants to be a super powerful witch, for reals. She’s totally on board with that plan, and his desire to be away from his father and his controlling Gary’s future. Except first, he has to meet Lucifer and say yes to one little question.
Samantha: That CANNOT count as consent. That is one hell of a loophole.
K: Dean jumps up and swipes at her with a knife, but she catches him and throws him to the ground. She starts kicking him in the gut. Dean stares pleadingly at Gary. Gary starts to mutter an exorcism. Demon Kepner leaves off kicking Dean and crosses to him. She grabs him by the throat and lifts him off the ground. Dean continues the exorcism. Demon Kepner drops Gary and turns back to Dean. They continue the exorcism back and forth until black smoke spews from her mouth. Gary looks both impressed and grossed out. Fade to black.
After the Not Commercial Break, April Kepner’s curled up in a blanket. Legit, girl. Legit. Dean watches as Sam and Gary sit down opposite each other, spell ingredients in the middle of the circle. Gary rattles off a spell, and they’re back in their own bodies again. Dean tells Gary to sort his shit out or they’ll straight up murder his face off.
Cut to the Bromobile pulling up outside Gary’s house. The boys drop him and April Kepner off, and Sam tells him to have a concrete milkshake because his life isn’t that bad, also PS April Kepner doesn’t like witchcraft or Satan, she likes Gary. And PPS Sam wishes he had Gary’s life. Gary and April Kepner head inside, and Sam’s all “I totally lied, his life is the fucking worst, we had it way better with our super shitty father. Let’s get the fuck out of here.”
Dean counters with “Or we don’t know what we’re missing.” They hop in the Bromobile and Dean starts the engine. Rock n Roll Never Forgets starts playing again, and Sam’s all “Dude, ew. Turn it down.” Dean sad pandas a little, but does so. They bro off down the road and we fade to black.
This episode is both fun and kind of icky and gross? There’s all kinds of weird ideas about having control of someone else’s body, and basically, I wanted less stuff with the body swap and more stuff about their former babysitter. Because clearly she made enough of an impression that they dropped everything and ran to her aid 20-odd years later. And yet, 90% of this episode is body swap stuff. Sigh.
Next time on Supernatural: Some wibbly wobbly timey wimey bullshit when the angels try to stop the boys from being born in S05 E13 – The Song Remains the Same.
I'm a 30-something librarian and I still live with my parents because I'm super broke. Leader of Team Heartless Cow. I have an inexplicable love for 90s television, eat too much chocolate, and read more than is good for me.
I'm a 28 year old graduated English major and almost librarian. I can often be found singing too loudly (poorly) in the car or spending some time (hours) on Tumblr. I am a lover of Harry Potter, the Spice Girls, and too many other things.
