Previously: Someone broke into Bella’s house and kind of cleaned her room…?
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Annie: I’m trying very hard to ignore the fact that the name of this chapter is “Scent.”
The chapter opens with Bella wondering why they’re all so immature. Me, too, Bell-Bells.
Edward tells Bella that he doesn’t feel any personal antagonism towards Jacob.
LOLOLOL. Okay. Sure.
Catherine: LOL. Yeah right, Edward. It’s all just professional anger and not at all about the girl you’re fighting over.
Kirsti: “I wish he’d die in a fire, but it’s nothing personal!”
Annie: Edward says that it’s just easier for them to not be in the same room together. He tells her that she’ll be safe and then he gets a ‘sly’ look in his eye. Not both eyes. Just one. Sounds like he should get that checked out.
Marines: Maybe it’s part of the super special vampire power package: you can emote in one eye at a time.
Annie: Anyway. Edward pulls Bella close and rubs his gross stench all over her to mark her as his territory. Well. The book doesn’t exactly say that, but we all know what he’s doing, even if Bella doesn’t. Edward then laughs like a crazy person because he thinks he’s super funny and charming and funny and because Bella is dumb and doesn’t understand.
A world of no.
Catherine: Why not just go all the way and pee all over her? That’s how you mark territory, right?
Mari: They are the white people, not the dogs, remember?
Annie: Man, would Edward loose his mind if Jacob did THAT.
Edward leaves and Bella starts to clean up the kitchen, and then Jacob rings the door bell.
Bella tells Jacob to come in, and even though she invites him into her house, he still manages to startle her. Apparently this giant wolf-man also moves like a ghost.
They share some ridiculous dialogue about how Jacob is shirtless, and then have an entire page of #justwolfthings, where they discuss the logistics of how wolves do wolf things. We’re supposed to believe that the teen wolves all run around with some kind of satchel strapped to their calves so they always have jeans to put on after they run around as a wolf.
I have so many questions about this. Do they get naked, pack their jeans away and then explode into a wolf? Or do they just always carry an extra pair of jeans? Wouldn’t it be super conspicuous to have a satchel big enough to hold a pair of jeans strapped to your calf? How are they able to move as wolves with such a thing strapped to them? Human calves are much thicker than wolf calves. How does that satchel not fall off? Or do they leave it when they transform and then have to return to the same place to de-wolf to collect their jeans? If I keep thinking about this, will the rest of this book magically disappear?
No? It was worth a shot.
Catherine: I think basically the whole point of this is that Meyer, for whatever reason, did not want anyone getting the idea that the wolves were ever naked around each other or…themselves? So she created this incredibly contrived reason that they always carry clothes. Because if they’re naked around each other that’s just one step away from being the giant gay wolf orgy that we would all much rather be reading about.
Mari: It’s incredibly puritanical. That’s all it is: ~*reasons*~ these wolf boys aren’t naked.
K: It’s totally puritanical but it’s also fucking hilarious if you devote more than 2 seconds of thought to it. Like, as alpha, does Sam stand around as the pack changes one by one, then go around and tie their jeans to their leg, then Emily wait politely with an apron over her eyes (so as not to SEE ANYTHING UNTOWARD) before tying Sam’s jeans to his leg for him? Why don’t they just buy fanny packs? I feel like this whole scene is a moment of Steph going “FUCK. I already established in the last book that their clothes burst off if they wolf out unexpectedly. BACKTRACK TO PROPRIETY, MEYER. BACKTRACK!!!!!!!”
Annie: Jacob asks Bella if his shirtless-ness bothers her and she blushes and goes back to washing the dishes.
Jacob tells her that he should get back to work and asks Bella where the intruder’s scent is the worst. Bella tells Jacob it’s in her bedroom and Jacob goes upstairs to check it out. He’s back quickly and startles Bella again. He tells her that her room stinks and this is terrible plot. (C: It’s not just the room that stinks.)
Jacob asks Bella what it’s like to date a vampire and she sarcastically tells him it’s the best. He then goes on to ask her if Edward creeps her out and if she kisses Edward. Which I think is code for ‘are you boning the vampire?’
Okay. Jacob. This is none of your fucking business, okay? Maybe if this came off as more concerned friend and not jealous ex, it would be 0.5% better. But still. No.
Jacob then asks her when Edward is going to turn her and she tells him graduation. Jacob gets so upset by this that he cuts his hand open by squeezing the blade of a knife.
Bella, who is going to make an excellent vampire as the sight of blood makes her feel ill, demands that Jacob show her his cut-up hand so she can decide whether or not Jacob needs medical attention. He fights her, insisting that he’s fine. Bella threatens to pitch a fit, so Jacob shows her his hand. It has basically healed completely thanks to his werewolf superpowers. Bella hauls out the bleach to scrub away all traces of spilled blood, because they’re ‘sensitive to blood’ in the Swan household.
K: Okay, but like remember when Bella was sensitive enough to blood that the IDEA of doing a fingerstick test made her faint in class? And yet now, Jacob’s cut to the point where the blood “streamed down his fingers” and she’s just a little woozy? What the fuck, girl.
Annie: What is consistency? It has no place in these books.
Jacob isn’t too happy about the blood sensitivity, but Bella explains that she just wants to try to make it as easy as possible for her murdery boyfriend to not kill people. Jacob tries to steer Bella away from having to defend her abusive boyfriend and asks her what it’s like to have a werewolf as a best friend. Bella tells him it’s the best. Jacob hugs her and complains that she smells like vampire and Bella figures out why Edward was laughing and rubbing himself all over her like a creeper before he left.
Catherine: LOL that mental image.
Mari: When it comes to #TeamJacob and #TeamEdward, I’m #TeamAndThenTheyDie, obvs. Also, Jacob is aggressive and sometimes a creep. All of those qualifiers out of the way, I find it real weird that Meyer gave us more of a sense of why Jacob and Bella like each other. They are playful, they make each other laugh, they have shared hobbies and interests and basically tell each other everything. Jacob makes Bella feel happy and care free and Jacob obvs really likes Bella. It’s so painful to see glimpses of this (you know… when Jacob isn’t forcing Bella to hold his hand or wishing death on her…) in comparison to Bella and Edward, who have NOTHING in common. What do Bella and Edward even do but brood at each other or stroke each other in really weird, not sexy ways? What do they do but argue or close mouth kiss or rub scents over each other?
DID MEYER DO THIS ON PURPOSE? What a troll.
K: New theory: Edward’s actually a cat. That explains all of his asshat behaviour, his control freak tendencies, and why he follows Bella around while insisting that they can’t be together.
Annie: Edward as cat makes so much more sense. It could also explain why he keeps referring to his enemies as dogs. It’s not racism! It’s the age-old cat versus dog feud. (M: Just adding that our one and only cat tag is “cats will eat you.” Accurate.)
Jacob tells Bella that he’s leaving because he can hear Edward outside, waiting for Jacob to leave. On his way out, Jacob invites Bella to La Push for a bonfire. Bella tells him that things are pretty tense right now, but she will ask Edward. Jacob asks Bella if Edward is her warden and even goes as far as hinting that the relationship is sounding a bit controlling and abusive:
“You know, I saw this story on the news last week about controlling, abusive teenage relationships and -“
“Okay!” I cut him off, and then shove his arm. “Time for the werewolf to get out!”
The infuriating thing about this exchange is that Jacob is making some pretty valid points and that it is important that Bella’s friends express some genuine concern and outright names the problematic parts of Bella and Edward’s relationship – that it’s controlling and abusive. But this exchange is just passed off as a joke. Because the only thing more hilarious than depression and suicide is controlling and abusive relationships.
Mari: We saw a little bit of this in Fifty Shades and it is the worst. There are things that Meyer does and you wonder if she does them on purpose. Or if she was really blind to the fact that Bella and Edward are in an controlling, abusive relationship. AND THEN SHE DOES THIS. She acknowledges it through a side character and it’s almost confirmation that YES. Meyer at least has some knowledge that this is (or could look like to others) an abusive and controlling relationship.
SHE KNOWS AND SHE DID IT ANYWAY. SHE’S A TROLL AND A MENACE.
K: SERIOUSLY. There are times in these books where I wonder if she honestly wrote the whole thing as a warning to teens and then they took it as romantic and she was like “Oh. Um. Well. This interpretation is making me money, so…??” But probably not.
Annie: I’d buy that if she didn’t constantly defend this tome of bullshit as a love story. Or goes on about how she’s all anti-human and has no control over her characters, she tells them she wants them to do one thing, and they go and do another. She’s pro-controlling, abusive relationships. She’s the worst.
Jacob leaves and Edward returns and they banter about how funny it would’ve been if Bella stabbed Jacob, because in her cleaning frenzy, Bella missed the knife. Edward imagined the knife was covered in Jacob’s blood because she probably stabbed him. LULZ.
Edward hands Bella her mail, which happens to be an acceptance letter to Dartmouth, a college she didn’t apply for. Bella feels that she isn’t Dartmouth-worthy and the way Edward admits to applying to Dartmouth on her behalf makes me feel like there was something extra shady going on. Did he bribe the admissions people? Embellished her grades? Used his power of persuasion?
Catherine: It’s shitty that he would do that at all. Is there ANY aspect of her life that he isn’t controlling? Is she allowed to take her own birth control pills or does he keep them in a sparkly organizers that he straps onto his belt?
Mari: That’s not a joke; that’s Fifty Shades.
K: In Twilight, she’s not allowed to take birth control. Because that would imply that she might someday get to touch the Sparkle Peen.
Annie: Bella tells Edward that she’s settled on Alaska, because it’s far enough away that she won’t be expected to visit until Christmas. And then at that point, she’ll figure out some excuse to not be there for Christmas.
I’m not sure what her plan is once she becomes a vampire, she’s just never going to see her parents again and they’re going to be totally cool with that?
Bella complains that it’s hard to lie to everyone and Edward tells her that after a few decades, everyone she knows will be dead and therefore, she won’t have to lie anymore. LOL, okay, Edward. What have the Hale-Cullens been doing to all the humans they interact with?
Mari: They apparently have everyone they know on a post 30 year murder plan…?
Annie: Edward apologizes for being harsh and then the clothes washer interrupts them and reminds Bella that a bunch of her things are missing. She asks Edward to speak to Alice about where she’s stashed all her things. Edward seems confused and then he asks about the timing of the missing things, and asks for more details about what exactly is missing, because thanks to contrivance, Edward knows that Alice didn’t take her things, but instead it was the plot that took her things. Edward doesn’t know why the plot came and stole her things, but Edward is convinced that he’s the one taking them.
Edward’s cellphone vibrates and it’s Carlisle phoning to discuss something. We only hear half of the conversation (M: AGAIN??), and once Edward is off the phone, he asks to see the newspaper. He fetches it from the rubbish and then reads the article over, muttering about it so at least that means we can all take a shot, right? (C: Yay!)
Bella and Edward talk about how the murdery rampage is getting worse and clearly these newborn vampires have tossed the vampire rule book. Edward tells Bella they need to wait until they know more before they do anything. Bella says that everything is a mess. Edward asks her if she thinks life would be easier if she wasn’t in love with Edward, and Bella says maybe, but that wouldn’t be much of a life.
I rolled my eyes so hard, I think I sprained my eyeballs.
Edward asks Bella if she has anything to ask him and after some irritating banter, Edward says this:
“You don’t have to ask my permission, Bella. I’m not your father — thank heaven for that.”
LOL Whut? First, he’s a controlling dick. He took her car apart to prevent her from going to see someone he did not permit her to go see. He had her kidnapped and held captive by his family, he is constantly supervising her even while she sleeps. He has done nothing but control and try to parent her.
Second, what could he possibly mean by ‘thank heaven for that’? That she’s a handful and out of control and he wouldn’t want to be responsible for that? That he’s glad he’s not her father because it would be inappropriate that he wants to bone her?
Catherine: He absolutely is her father. And he has never shown any indication that he wants to bone her. So IDK what his problem is. This whole thing is just about a father reconnecting with his teenage daughter and kidnapping her.
Mari: Dude. He’s old enough to be her great-grandfather; this isn’t funny.
K: I suspect the subtext of “thank heaven for that” is “because if I were, all our closed mouth kissing wouldn’t sell books.”
Annie: Edward tells Bella that she should ask Charlie for permission, though, because for a second, we’re going to pretend like Edward has any kind of respect for Charlie as Bella’s father. Bella tells Edward that Charlie will most definitely say yes. Bella tries to figure out what Edward wants her to say, because this is how toxic this relationship is. Bella doesn’t know how to make decisions for herself, because she’s always trying to guess what the right answer is to keep her murdery boyfriend happy.
Edward tells Bella that he’s going to trust her judgement, and that the teen wolves can probably keep Bella safe for the night. So he’s giving her the okay to go to the wolf party. As long as she takes a cellphone so she can call for a ride home. But she doesn’t have to ask Edward for permission.
Catherine: Shut up, Edward! You’re not my real dad!
Annie: Charlie is fine with Bella going to La Push and Jacob is thrilled she’s coming. They make plans to meet at the hand off point, like Bella is being shuttled back and forth between divorced parents. (M: Shut up, Edward! I wanna live with mom now!) Bella decides that she’s going to return her motorcycle, because she isn’t trying to get herself dead anymore, so she doesn’t need it anymore. Edward is a little sad, because he went out and bought himself a fancy motorcycle so they could ride motorcycles together. There’s a full page about Bella worrying if she’ll be able to keep up to the fancy motorcycle and then Edward is all ‘Ah, that’s the thing you did with Jacob, okay, fine, I’ll give this fancy motorcycle to Jasper’. (C: Gee, you guys, I wonder why this book is god damn long?)
He does ask her to wear a helmet and a jacket. Bella’s upset that the safety equipment makes her look awful and Edward tells her that it makes her look sexy. Ick.
On the way to LaPush, Bella’s experiencing some deja vu. She tells Eddie that it reminds her of when Charlie and Renee would pass Bella off for visitations. Ha. I called it. Edward thinks it’s funny.
They reach the rendezvous point and Jacob is waiting for them. Edward puts on a show in front of Jacob, kissing Bella goodbye. Edward is laughing quietly at something again, but has an eye-flash that Bella cheatery tells us that she wasn’t supposed to see.
Once Bella enters werewolf territory, Jacob pulls her into a big bear hug, to return the favour of Edward’s display. Because Bella is property to pass back and forth, and claim and own and handle, and rub your stench all over. Bella gives Jacob hell for poking the bear, because Edward is being so nice by allowing Bella to come to La Push.
But she doesn’t need Edward’s permission.
Catherine: Honestly, if one of them doesn’t pee on her soon I’m calling BS.
K: I find it endlessly frustrating how ridiculously passive Bella is through all of this. Like, it never occurs to her – EVEN AFTER SHE REALISES WHY THEY’RE RUBBING THEMSELVES ALL OVER HER – to tell them to stop being disgusting.
Annie: She tells Jacob not to push his luck and he tells her that he doesn’t have any luck to push.
Mari: Neither do we, Jacob. Neither do we.
Next time on Eclipse: Bonfire time in Chapter 11.
Fuchsia-haired, caffeine enthusiast, dog person, Raptors fan, sometimes blogger, music & social media geek, freelancer, human being. She/her.
I am a 30-something year-old human woman who lives in Maine. I'm a freelance writer who mostly spends time that I should be doing that, watching T.V. I also love reading and comic books way too much.
I'm a 30-something librarian and I still live with my parents because I'm super broke. Leader of Team Heartless Cow. I have an inexplicable love for 90s television, eat too much chocolate, and read more than is good for me.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
