Previously: College drama and also Christmas. Plus, Dawson and Gretchen sucked face under the mistletoe, and Pacey and Joey were none too pleased.
—
Self-Reliance
Kirsti: We open in Dawson’s dark room, which is full of photos of Gretchen and kind of looks like the opening of a stalker episode of Criminal Minds. Jack asks Dawson what it feels like to have a dream come true, what with the Gretchen-kissing and all. Dawson claims that they’re just friends and that “not every kiss has to be a life altering event.” Jack basically eyerolls, because Dawson is the king of teen drama and reading too much into things.
When they emerge from the darkroom, Gretchen’s standing there (because apparently everyone just lets themselves into Chez Leery now??) and Jack gives Dawson eyebrows of innuendo as he leaves. Gretchen says they need to talk about the kiss and how it was strictly a holiday-only type of a deal, and Dawson’s all “Right, obviously. I’m not reading far too much into this AT ALL and it will definitely not become awkward over the course of this episode.” LOL, JK. He’s all “Of course, that’s 100% what it was, we’re definitely on the same page.” Then he awkwardly wishes her happy holidays as she leaves.
Chelsea: I feel like if you have to have the “yeah, totally just a contrived holiday tradition kiss even though there was definitely tongue” conversation, obviously there are some feels there going way beyond contrived holiday kissing. But maybe that’s just me being all adult and rational.
K: Pfff. Rationality has no place in Capeside, girl.
HEY YEAH YEAH YEAH.
After the credits, Bessie’s going on a three day trip, leaving her seventeen year old sister in charge of her business and her two year old. Um. Okay? Pacey’s all “WOOHOO, MAKE OUT TIMES AHOY!”, but Joey points out that, like, TODDLER. And also a test to study for. (C: Yeah, that toddler is going to slow the roll on all those fun teen sexy times, Pacey. Trust me. I have a toddler.) Pacey says they should talk about the Dawson/Gretchen kissing, but Joey has zero time for that shit on account of test and toddler. Pacey sad pandas as she heads off to deal with a crying Alexander.
Meanwhile, Jen and Jack are across town at a cafe where there’s some kind of gay/straight coalition meeting thing? IDK, Jack mentioned it earlier but I was distracted by Dawson’s Stalker Darkroom. He wants to leave, but Jen points out that he only ever hangs out with her, Dawson, and Grams, and that if he’s ever going to have a boyfriend, he probably needs to widen his friendship group. Jack sighs grumpily.
A cute blonde guy with glasses – who I know as Matt from Crossing Jordan, a show that apparently no one but me and my brother watched – approaches and says he’s thrilled they’re there because they need “more lesbians with decent haircuts“. Jen looks flattered but explains that she’s just there for moral support. She introduces Cute Blonde Guy as Tobey, and Tobey realises he knows Jack from all that Gay Football Player stuff last season.
Chelsea: Honesty time? I hate Tobey. Like, REEEEALLLY hate Tobey. I hate Tobey the way some other people hate Henry.
K: I hate that he acts like a dick while giving everyone puppy dog eyes. But other than that, I think I’ve forgotten a lot about Tobey.
Jack looks awkward, and says that he’s not comfortable with labels. “I see. And, uh, which label bothers you more? Gay? Or football player?” Tobey says. He and Jack exchange “I HATE YOU” expressions before Tobey stomps off. Jen smiles and nods innocently.
Mr Brooks’ House of Sarcasm. He wants to know what the fuck Dawson will get out of making a documentary about him. Dawson gushes about how lots of Hollywood greats have learnt from studying those who came before them, and I give zero fucks. I’m only here for Mr Brooks’ sass. Sadly, there’s no sass here. Mr Brooks agrees to do the stupid documentary provided he can have a producer credit above the title and provided Dawson is director in name only. Dawson agrees instantly.
Chelsea: Wow dude. Way to give away basically all your movie-making power immediately. You’re bad at this, Dawson.
K: SO BAD.
Gay/Straight Coalition. Jack continues to be uncomfortable with how much Tobey uses the word gay. Tobey makes Jack get up in front of the entire group and talk about why he wants to join, which is totally not okay, dude. Not everyone is comfortable talking about their sexuality in front of a group. Or, like, at all. But whatever. Jack gets as far as saying he was coaching a kids’ soccer team, and Tobey fills in the rest. He then berates Jack for not staging a protest or putting up a fight because it doesn’t promote gay rights. “Wasn’t thinking about gay rights at the time. I was thinking about the kids!” Jack snaps.
Tobey glares some more and says they need to face prejudice head on. He goes on to say that the group’s resident lesbians were kicked out of a local bowling alley for kissing recently, and that the owners claim all public displays of affection are gross. He wants to test that policy. Jack snarks under his breath about gay teenagers being denied the right to bowl. Jen tells him to keep an open mind, and asks Tobey what time the protest is.
Chelsea: And here-in lies my problem with Tobey. He’s like the fucking Faith Militant of gay representation, constantly forcing Jack to be constantly ‘out and proud’, whatever that means, and clearly ignoring the boundaries that Jack has defined for himself as far as his expression of his sexuality. You don’t get to dictate how and when other people do or don’t declare or defend their identification groups. You’re doing more harm than good that way, and I just HATE TOBEY. Rant over. For now.
K: YUP. I try to tell myself that it kind of makes sense because it was the 90s, but nope. He’s just a dick, especially in this episode.
Potter B&B. Joey’s trying to read Thoreau, but can’t concentrate because Alexander is making a racket. Courtesy of Pacey, who decided it was more fun to let the 2 year old tire himself out by banging wooden spoons on a cookie tray than reading him a story. Joey grumpily takes Alexander – who, I have to add, is totally adorable – away from the noise making stuff, and kicks Pacey out for being super not helpful.
She turns back to Alexander and tells him it’s time for bed. He’s all “LOL NOPE” while being super adorable. There’s a knock at the door, and Joey assumes it’s Pacey but HAHAHAHA NO it’s spontaneous guests. Because of course it is. And the guests include two small noisy children. Joey is not well pleased by this turn of events.
Chelsea: What the hell was Bessie thinking putting Joey in charge of everything for like the entire weekend? This rarely happens, but I feel really bad for Joey here. Girl just trying to study and everyone is being super unhelpful.
K: SERIOUSLY. Leaving her in charge of the toddler would be bad enough. But the business as WELL?? Good grief.
The following morning, Pacey’s all “Heeeeey, morning Gretchen, WHY THE FUCK DID YOU KISS DAWSON.” She says it was an accident – “pure mistletoe” – and that it was just a kiss. “There’s no such thing as just a kiss! Especially not in Capeside…” Pacey says. A+ to the Capeside part, Pace. A+.
Chelsea: I really, really love it when this show goes meta.
K: She wants to know why he cares so much. Pacey says he gives zero fucks, but Joey does. Gretchen wants to know why he’s not talking to Joey about this situation, and he says that he tried but she said she hadn’t had time to think about it. They agree that it’s a massive lie. Gretchen tells him to be supportive as long as possible and if it doesn’t work, force the issue and be a jerk. She has total faith in his ability to do that last part. Fade to black.
After the Not Commercial Break, Joey’s scribbling frantically while waiting for class to start. Dawson comes in and comments on the fact that he’s never seen her using Cliff’s Notes before. Joey insists that everything’s fine, but when the teacher hands out the test and says it includes short answers as well as essays, she looks panicky. (C: Why is this panicky?! As an English major, I always found it way easier to bullshit my way through the essay question than through the actual point-of-plot quiz type stuff. Maybe Joey is just bad at this like Dawson is bad at movies?) Dawson looks at her with concern.
When the bell rings later, Jen’s still trying to talk Jack into going bowling. He insists that bowling has never been fun. Funny, yes. Fun, no. I’m inclined to agree. She says they can just go and hang out and make friends. Jack snaps that he doesn’t want to be friends with people like Tobey. Jen says she’s pretty sure Tobey likes Jack. Jack gives zero fucks and says he doesn’t want to meet people by just being introduced as one part of who he really is – gay. (C: YES, JACK.) Jen agrees wholeheartedly. Jack wants to know why she’s suddenly agreeing with him, and she grins that she’s going without him.
Mr Brooks’ House of Sass. Dawson asks if it’s true that there are only six stories. My year 11 literature teacher told me that there are only two – a stranger comes to town, or someone goes on a journey of some kind (C: My honors English teacher told us my senior year that there are only five? Oh God. How many stories are there, Kirsti?!?!) (K: NO ONE KNOWS) – but Mr Brook insists there are three. “Guy loves girl, guy gets girl, guy loses girl.” Sorry, LGBTQIA people. YOUR STORIES ARE IRRELEVANT. Then he yells at Dawson for moving the camera around too much because he’s going to make viewers sick. TOO LATE, MR BROOKS. He does that just by existing.
Chelsea: 1. A++ zinger there, Kirsti. 2. The suppressive and latent homophobia in 90s television really, really bothers me super bad.
K: But it’s totally fine on account of they have TWO gay characters now hahahahaha -_-
Dawson says he’s writing off technological advances that made movies like The Matrix and Fight Club great, and DUDE. SLOW YOUR ROLL. You’re making a shitty documentary with your camcorder. You don’t need action sequences. Somehow, they segue into talking about why so many movies feature love triangles, and Mr Brooks says that it’s simple: “For every piece of happiness, there’s a piece of unhappiness. If you haven’t told both sides, you haven’t told the whole story.”
Then he promptly declares that he’s done for the day. Dawson’s not okay with Mr Brooks walking away whenever things get interesting, and asks about the girl who made him give up film making. Mr Brooks snaps at him to come back after supper. Dawson sighs.
Chelsea: THIS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU GIVE HIM ALL THE POWER DAWSON. He’s the producer and de facto director, as well as being the subject of the film. This is also why you’re suuuuuuper bad at this. I’d kick you out too. It’s din-din time.
K: Maybe Mr Brooks really kicked him out because he knew Dawson would spout some a-17-year-old-would-never-say-this philosophical bullshit and make him puke up his dinner again…
Potter B&B. Joey gripes about her test and how she’s convinced that she got no better than a C. Alexander gives zero fucks because he’s 2. She tells him to stay off the road to overachievement because it’s the worst. Pacey walks in with groceries and Joey wants to know what the fuck he’s doing there. He says he came to make dinner and look after Alexander so she can study, because he’s an actual saint of a human being.
Joey snaps that she needed to study LAST night, not tonight (sidenote: who the fuck looked after Alexander while she was at school all day?!) (C: the B&B guests? That’s the best I can discern: “there are towels and linens in the upstairs closet and hey can you watch my two-year-old nephew for the next eight hours okay thanks byeeee”) and that she can’t retake the test and EVERYTHING IS HORRIBLE OMG. She gets teary as she says that she’s tired of worrying about Alexander and waiting on people and doing everything on her own. Pacey grabs Alexander and goes over to hug Joey, saying that he’s there to help her, and you guys, this whole scene really plays like Teen Single Mother Finds Supportive Boyfriend Who’s Great With Kids. Which is 100% a show that I would watch if it also starred Joshua Jackson.
But I digress.
Pacey says he can’t help her if she doesn’t tell him the truth. She insists that this is the truth. He forces the issue and says that she’s upset about Dawson and Gretchen. She snaps that she’s not upset about Dawson and Gretchen. Pacey suggests that maybe it’s about HER and Dawson, because it clearly isn’t about them on account of he hasn’t screwed up recently. She glares at him and snaps that sure, he’s totally perfect and beats Dawson out in a best boyfriend contest. Then she grabs Alexander and storms off. Fade to black.
Chelsea: I feel like maybe this doesn’t have anything to do with Dawson on account of the toddler and the studying and the Pacey being less then helpful, so maybe stop poking the bear?
K: Pfff, you and your logic.
After the Not Commercial Break, Pacey’s built a fire and done the dishes because he’s the best. Joey comes back from putting Alexander to bed, and Pacey says he doesn’t want this to turn into one of those things they never talk about that will one day cause her to disappear from his life, like how they only ever talk around the future and not about it. Joey sighs and says she doesn’t know why the Dawson/Gretchen thing bothers her. (C: So it WAS about Dawson and Gretchen. Damn.) Pacey says he doesn’t care if it bothers her, he just wants her to talk to him about it bothering her.
Joey tells him she thinks about the future all the time, and that what she sees in her future is them. Aww. She says that she and Pacey grew up together, while she and Dawson are trapped in a loop, having the same arguments they had when they were 15. Pacey suggests that maybe she should, you know, TALK TO DAWSON about this. And then call him. He kisses her on the forehead and leaves. I have a lot of feelings because FOREHEAD KISSES.
Chelsea: FOREHEAD. KISSES. I almost brought it up last episode, but didn’t, so I’m glad we can finally talk about it now. Those damn forehead kisses will be the death of me.
K: Same.
Gay Bowling Night. Tobey asks how Jen ended up such good friends with a horrible jock like Jack. “Simple. We’re both terminally unlucky in love…” she says. I suddenly realised that Jen does this thing where she hangs off the arm of guys, like, ALL THE TIME. She’s doing it with Tobey right now. And it’s super weird because who does that?! I mean, your boyfriend, fine. (C: I wouldn’t even go that far. My husband and I have been together for, like, seven years and I’ve hung off his arm one time – at our wedding. Holding hands? Sure. Arm holding? Get the hell up off me.) And I get her doing it with Jack. But she’s known Tobey for all of five minutes. WTF.
Jack turns up, and Tobey calls him “Captain America“, which I find oddly hilarious. (C: BUUUCCCKKKYYYYY.) Then he laughs at Jack’s letter jacket, and Jen has to awkwardly point out that it’s Jack’s actual jacket and he’s not wearing it ironically. There’s much awkwardness all round until Jen hands Tobey a bowling ball.
Chelsea: Get off Jack’s back, Tobey! He’s like the worst conversation of bitter-nerd-kid and bitter-gay-kid and I want to reach into my TV and face punch him very, very badly. Also, Jen, stick up for Jack more because you’re doing a real shit job right now.
K: SERIOUSLY.
Mr Brooks’ House of Sass. Dawson’s brought a tripod with him this time. Hallelujah. Mr Brooks starts talking about roadtripping to California, but gets distracted and then confused over old time-y directors and what their first movies were. Dawson says they can stop, and asks if he can get Mr Brooks some water. Mr Brooks – like the Snark Ladies – thinks alcohol is necessary for dealing with Dawson Leery.
Dawson snippily goes to get the booze, but when he gets back, Mr Brooks is asleep. The tinkly piano tinkles as Dawson turns off the studio lights and covers Mr Brooks with a blanket.
Gay Bowling Night. Jen asks Jack if he’s embarrassed to be there. “On Gay Bowling Night? Yeah, I’m embarrassed. Not the gay thing, though. The bowling,” he says. I feel the need to point out that I named it Gay Bowling Night before Jack said the thing, so I totally influenced the character into calling it that wheeeee. (C: You’re a wizard, Kirsti.) Anyway. Tobey wanders over, and Jen conveniently goes to get drinks so that Jack and Tobey can hate each other some more.
Tobey’s all “You really hate how gay all this is, don’t you?” and Jack says it’s not about the gay thing, he just doesn’t see the point. I totally don’t either. I thought they were planning on testing the No Public Displays of Affection policy, and yet they’re just bowling. But whatever. Jack also doesn’t understand the point of the group and their “holier-than-thou attitude“. Tobey snaps that Jack gets to sit at the popular table and probably beats up nerdy gay kids like him and that Jack’s most likely never had a tough day in his life.
Chelsea: Tobey, your bitterness is fast making me hate you even more than Dawson Leery. Maybe people have apparently been awful to you because you’re a huge twat, not because you’re gay or wear glasses?
K: Entirely possible.
“Hey, you don’t know me well enough to assume anything about me! Or how rough it’s been for me, or what my life’s been like!” Jack snaps. Which is probably a better response than “My brother died, my mother’s insane, and my sister’s on medication for mental health issues”… Anyway, Jack bails, which is legit.
Leery Manor. Dawson comes home to find Joey waiting in his bedroom. She starts wibbling about how she totally lied in class about being fine, and how Bessie and Bodie left her to take care of their kid and their business all on her own (speaking of which, WHO’S LOOKING AFTER THE TWO YEAR OLD RIGHT NOW??) (C: Pacey? But probably still the house guests.) and it was super stressful and she tried to stay up and cram but she fell asleep. Dawson chuckles and she tells him not to laugh because “this is tragic.”
He asks why Pacey wasn’t helping, and Joey reluctantly admits that she wouldn’t let him. Dawson says she should have let Pacey help, “Especially with Alexander. I mean, he’s great with kids because he still is one.” BITCH PLEASE. Pacey’s living out of home and paying rent and buying groceries for his girlfriend and doing the dishes and looking after a toddler AND attending school. Meanwhile, you’re griping about having to paint an old guy’s house in exchange for sinking his boat. You and your rich white boy entitlement need to sit the fuck down, Dawson.
Chelsea: PREACH, KIRSTI. You took the Dawson-hating words right out of my mouth.
K: I do what I can.
He presents her with her Christmas present, which is a framed photo he took of her and Pacey being adorable. She get a little teary and hugs the picture, and it gives her the opportunity to talk about the party. And, more specifically, to ask about him and Gretchen. He grumpily says that they’re just friends and that 21 year olds don’t usually fall for dorky high school boys. Right, because IT’S ILLEGAL. She asks if he wants to be more than friends, and he grumps that it’s a moot point because Gretchen isn’t interested.
Joey randomly starts crying as the tinkly piano tinkles and tells him to do what his heart tells him to do. He smiles a little. She kisses him on the forehead and leaves as we fade to black.
Chelsea: He doesn’t need your permission, Joey. Also stop crying, for the love of God.
K: After the Not Commercial Break, Pacey’s talking to Mr Kasdan, Joey’s English teacher. Mr Kasdan jokes about Pacey coming to class super early, and Pacey makes a joke based on a text they studied the previous year, which impresses Mr Kasdan to no end. Pacey raises a hypothetical situation in which an AP English student needed to retake the previous day’s big test.
Mr Kasdan says that unless it’s because of injury or family emergency, no dice. Because if he bends the rules for one person, he has to bend them for everyone. Pacey says he had to try, and turns to leave. Mr Kasdan said he did just that, and he did it admirably. Pacey gives a little smile and heads out the door. Mr Kasdan looks thoughtful.
Later, Jack’s down by the waterfront. He finds Tobey sticking up fliers – “You know the gays, we’re always recruiting“. Tobey tells Jack that he’s kicked out of the group, and then apologises for presuming to know Jack’s life. He says that as a kid, he was bullied to the point where his older sister had to fight his battles for him. He finishes by saying that Jack probably doesn’t know what that’s like. “No, I don’t. But that doesn’t make me any more straight…” Jack says. Then he jumps on his bike and rides away.
Chelsea: This scene confused me. On the one hand, we’re supposed to feel bad Tobey because of his bullied past. But on the other hand he’s basically bullying Jack and delivering this super insincere and snarky fake apology, so….nope. Still don’t like Tobey.
K: The whole thing was super weird. Suuuuuuper weird.
Capeside High library. Mr Kasdan finds Joey studying, and informs her that it’s more useful to read the book before the test than after. He tells her she got a C- and that he got a visit from Pacey this morning begging to give her another chance. He tells her that he said no because he can’t bend the rules but he’s doing a make up test for some kid who was at the orthodontist and she can take it if she wants. Joey flails excitedly, even when he says he’s going to penalise her half a letter grade.
Then he highlights a sentence in her book, and says that the most important word in the sentence is “borrowed”. Because it demonstrates that while Thoreau was big on self-reliance, he wasn’t actually alone by Walden Pond. Let’s stop for a gold star:
Thoreau had friends and neighbours to rely on, Kasdan says with a heavy dose of “DAMMIT, POTTER. JUST ASK PEOPLE FOR HELP.”
Mr Brooks’ House of Sass. Dawson walks in and finds himself face to face with a strange woman who gives him shit for tiring Mr Brooks out and making a documentary that encourages Mr Brooks to stop taking his medication so that he can remember things better. Mr Brooks appears and informs her that nurses can be replaced. Dawson looks awkward as she leaves.
He says that he just came to get his video camera. Mr Brooks is keen to keep filming on account of he might die soon, but Dawson’s all “Uh, your nurse just said we shouldn’t??”. Mr Brooks gives zero fucks, just like me and this storyline! (C: I feel like if Mr. Brooks wants to stop taking his medicine just to help the Blonde Spider do something trite and awful, that’s his call man.) He starts talking about his roadtrip again, and more specifically the girl in his epic love triangle. The tinkly piano tinkles as he talks about how much he misses her, tears in his eyes.
Potter B&B. Pacey walks in, and Joey excitedly thanks him for getting Mr Kasdan to let her retake the test. She says she’s retaking it tomorrow after school, so they can spend tonight making out. Especially seeing as she talked to Dawson and all her feelings related ghosts have been sorted out. Pacey says there’s something else they should probably be doing. Cut to the two of them sitting in front of the fire. Joey’s got Alexander in her lap, and Pacey’s quizzing her on the transcendentalists. And it’s 100% adorable.
Chelsea: Studying by a fire with snarky, forehead-kissing-heart-of-gold hunk is basically the dictionary definition of my 16 year old sexual fantasy. And let’s be honest. It hasn’t changed much by 27 (now there would be liquor, too).
K: I’d ditch the small child. But to each their own.
Meanwhile, Dawson’s tracked Gretchen down at the Christmas tree lighting ceremony. He word vomits the truth at her – that he likes her and he thinks they should date and stuff. Except being Dawson, it goes for like 5 minutes. Gretchen tells him that sometimes a kiss is just a kiss. The tree gets lit. They wish each other happy holidays. I want to go back to Joey and Pacey and adorable Alexander. Gretchen leans her head on Dawson’s shoulder as snow starts falling, and we fade to black.
Chelsea: My notes here is just all caps GO BACK TO PACEY.
K: Legit.
This episode would be like 90% shorter if everyone had just used their words in the first place rather than going around in pointless circles. And I have to say, it’s at times like this that I really miss Andie. She would have sorted all this shit out, pronto. Sigh.
Next time on Dawson’s Creek: Pacey and Gretchen go on a truly terrible roadtrip while poor Joey gets trapped in a storage closet with the human dumpster, Drue Valentine in S04 E11 – The Tao of Dawson.
I'm a 30-something librarian and I still live with my parents because I'm super broke. Leader of Team Heartless Cow. I have an inexplicable love for 90s television, eat too much chocolate, and read more than is good for me.
I'm a 30-something librarian and I still live with my parents because I'm super broke. Leader of Team Heartless Cow. I have an inexplicable love for 90s television, eat too much chocolate, and read more than is good for me.