snark squad | where nostalgia comes to die

Breaking Dawn Chapter 16 – Peak FUBAR

, , and on March 14, 2017 · 56 comments in Books,Breaking Dawn,Twilight Saga

Previously: Vampire babies chew their way out what the fuck.

Kirsti: Jacob wakes up (-_-) on the floor when Edward decides that it’s time to cool Bella down. He heads out with Leah to do “the deep run” while Seth stays on patrol. They don’t find anything. I just recapped 3 pages. You’re welcome.

Marines: I love these reminders that this is way too many words to describe boring crap and utter horrors. 

Catherine: I could tell just from those sentences that it was a bullshit amount of pages. Meyer has never summarized anything ever in her entire life. 

K: Clearly.

Jacob decides that seeing as they’re not in a hurry, they should probably hunt on the way back. Leah’s all “Ew, raw meat”, and he reminds her that they’re wolves and that’s how wolves eat. Right, but you’re also human and unless you want a fucking tapeworm, you should probably cook your damned meat.

As they head back towards the Cullens, Leah thanks Jacob for letting her stick around, and that she wants to stay with him after the whole vampire thing goes down. He’s so shocked that he literally stops dead. She insists that she won’t be a pain, and that she’s happier as part of his pack than she’s been in years. Poor Leah. She really got the rough end of the stick in this series… (C: I can’t imagine what you’d have to go through to be happy being bossed around by Jacob.)

Seth insists that he wants to stay part of the pack too, but Jacob insists that he has to stay in La Push and graduate high school and do something with his life. Leah agrees, and says that she’s going to get the fuck out and go to community college or something, but she needs to stay in Jacob’s pack for her mental well-being. Leah, girl. I’m all for self-care strategies. But this one is pretty crap. I mean, it’s better than going back to La Push and dealing with Sam again. But it’s only marginally better.

Annie: And like, Seth gets to go on, finish high school and live his life? While Leah is doomed to be committed to Jacob’s pack? I think the fuck not. Leah deserves to live her life, too. She ‘needs’ Jacob for her sanity? NO. She needs to get away from her creepy, weird, controlling, manipulating pack leader.

K: SERIOUSLY.

We’re treated to a page and a half that can best be summed up as “and then we killed a deer om nom nom nom nom”. (M: Damn, you are so good at recapping.) (C: A picture has truly been painted in my mind.) (K: YOU’RE WELCOME.) They get back to the house, where Seth promptly falls asleep. Leah and Jacob keep patrolling. Jacob tells Leah that “My head is not going to be the happiest place on earth. And you’ll have to suffer right along with me.” She’s all “Meh, facing my pain is worse.” OR. You could just leave town altogether, girl. Also a valid choice.

She tells him that she’s sorry he’s in pain and that it’s going to get worse before saying that she can actually understand Rosalie’s perspective. He totally loses his shit and thinks that it’s a good thing they’re super far apart on patrol so he can’t murder her face off. Once he’s calmed his tits, she tells him that she can understand Rosalie’s perspective because it’s about being a genetic dead end. Because she hasn’t had a period since she became a werewolf. “Was that because she wasn’t as female as she should be?” Jacob wonders. Are you shitting me right now? Not only do we have to deal with Bella being punished for wanting sex with this super gross vampire pregnancy, but now LEAH ISN’T SUFFICIENTLY FEMALE to be able to have kids? Fuck. This. Noise.

Mari: It shouldn’t have to be said, but also I can’t not say it: there are so many females out there that don’t have periods. I see you. You are female enough. 

Catherine: I just…? I’m speechless. Even just not being able to have kids doesn’t make you…not a woman? What IS this new fuckery? I can’t believe I forgot this conversation even happened. I’m so offended by this I wanna go back in time and smack teenage me in the face. 

Annie: There are females without ovaries, uteruses, and vaginas. So fuck that noise. FUCK YOU, JACOB. PSA: No one gets to tell anyone else if they are female (or male) enough. 

K: EXACTLY. Literally nothing about this is okay. The whole idea that women only exist to have kids is hella fucked up. Infertile people exist. People who don’t want kids exist. Trans people exist. Intersex people exist. Non-binary people exist. Got it? GOOD.

They then have this super gross conversation about the bullshit that is imprinting. Sam thinks it happens because you’re drawn to “the person who gives you the best chance to pass on the wolf gene.” Oh, that’s fucking awesome. “I’m attracted to you at a genetic level. Wanna bone? I hope you do because you have no choice in the matter” is a doozy of a pick up line. (A: Especially when you’re delivering the line to AN INFANT.)

Leah says that if she was any good for passing on the wolf gene, Sam would have been drawn to her, not Emily. Therefore, she’s defective and became the only female werewolf ever so she’s at least a USEFUL genetic dead end. She grumbles about being 20 and menopausal, and Jacob’s all “EW GROSS LADY PROBLEMS” before helpfully saying that maybe once she’s done being a wolf, her uterus will be useful again. Leah’s all “Right, except for the part where NO ONE IS IMPRINTING ON ME GODDAMMIT.” Girl. Did you ever think that maybe YOU, as the wolf, are meant to imprint ON someone and not be a COMPLETELY passive part of your own future?? Just a thought…

Anyway. Jacob’s all “Whaaaaa, you WANT to be imprinted on?” and Leah’s all “You DON’T?!” She tells him that whatever he feels for Bella will disappear when he imprints and I continue to be grossed out by literally everything about imprinting. Finally, Leah gets back to the point: she can understand Rosalie because “you always want the very most what you can never, ever have“.

Look, Steph. I get what you’re trying to say. But by that logic? People with anaphylaxis should REALLY REALLY REALLY want to eat peanuts or get stung by bees or accidentally come into contact with eggs. And that doesn’t seem even remotely accurate. Like, they might have a passing curiosity seeing as everyone else seems to love peanut butter? But given that they know THEY COULD DIE, they’re usually 100% okay with staying away from it.

Anyway.

Leah says she didn’t want kids until she couldn’t have kids, so she can totally understand what Rosalie’s doing: living vicariously through Bella. That… is possibly the saddest statement ever uttered in history. Living. Vicariously. Through Bella.

Mari: It becomes even sadder if you think about the fact that that’s what Meyer wanted her readers to do when she created Bella. It becomes the saddest when you think about the fact that it worked.

Catherine: Also, just, and I don’t want to get into it but as a woman that doesn’t want kids, I hate the implication that even women who choose not to have kids are secretly walking baby ovens who suddenly have a biological clock the size of Big Ben when they are told they can’t conceive. I realize it’s a touchy subject, I just RAGE. Are there any female characters in this series who are allowed to not want to be a mother? 

Annie: Nope. Because in Meyer’s universe, all women are good for is hosting the next generation, being perfect wives, with cooking skills that know how to feed a husband, a pack of children, or, if you’re really lucky, a pack of werewolves. 

K: That’s the dream, though, right??? -_-

Jacob decides that this conversation is over, something I’m eternally grateful for. He informs us that Leah is basically dead to him and that she can go suffer in La Push once this is all over. Go fuck yourself with a rusty spoon, Jacob.

He heads into the house and gives everyone the green light to go hunt before sleeping 5eva. But LOL NOPE. He gets inside and Alice informs him that the blood sucking freakishly fast growing baby has broken Bella’s pelvis. Jesus H. Christ, this is FUBAR.

Edward carries Bella downstairs and she looks even shittier and about to break than in the previous chapter. Jacob gives everyone the all clear to go hunting. Edward obviously refuses, and Rosalie says she won’t hunt until Edward does. The other five bail. Jacob decides that messing with Rosalie is more fun than sleeping and goes back to telling blonde jokes. He stumps her, they continue to bicker, I try not to die of boredom.

Mari: Somewhere, Bella and her broken pelvis are trying not to actually die while these two are busy with blonde jokes.

K: Pfff. As if this story needs its protagonist.

Eventually, Rosalie goes off to get more blood for Bella, and Edward says “Did you say something?” to Bella in a confused tone. But nope. She was busy thinking of “Esme’s island. And feathers.” Good Lord, Bella. Even being seventy three months pregnant with a blood drinking mutant baby that’s cracked your pelvis and two ribs hasn’t dented your thirst for sparkle peen. (C: I almost respect it.)

Edward looks shocked and puts his hands on her beach ball belly. Apparently the baby likes the sound of Bella’s voice. He knows this because HE CAN HEAR THE FREAKING BABY’S THOUGHTS. Because that’s not creepy at all. Anyway, apparently the baby is happy. Bella croons at it “while the tears washed her cheeks“, just in case you thought we were done with weird descriptions of crying. (M: Don’t you hate it when you have dirty cheeks and you have to tear wash them?)

And then. THEN, my friends. We are treated to a discussion of baby names. Bella’s named it EJ, for Edward Junior. Ugh. Bella and Edward float off in a nauseating love bubble, until Rosalie interrupts to ask what their back up plan is. You know, if it’s a girl. In the most Mormon moment of this entire series, Bella offers up a portmanteau of Esme and Renee: Renesmee. Rosalie says it’s one of a kind, just like the creepy blood baby. Personally, I think it’s fucking stupid, but that’s because I’ve been saddled with a one of a kind name and I kind of hate it. But at least mine isn’t a truly appalling portmanteau. So… there’s that.

Mari: I have a portmanteau and I love it. But I do now. I didn’t as a kid. Also, I love unique names, but I would 100% not go for a portmanteau for my own kid. It’s too much like saddling it with a pun for the rest of its life.

Catherine: Also, Renesemee is just objectively the dumbest fucking name of all time. Anything would have been better. Esne. Esren. Bucket. Marble. Asshole. Anything. 

K: They should 100% have named this kid Asshole. 100%.

Edward stares off into space and then informs us that the baby loves Bella, like SUPER DUPER LOVES BELLA TO THE POINT WHERE IT’S LITERALLY KILLING HER BUT WHATEVER ALSO THIS WHOLE THING READS AS REEEEEEEEALLY PRO-LIFE AND NO THANK YOU PLEASE.

Anyway, they drift off into their nauseating love bubble again, and Jacob realises that he’s all alone. He’d counted on Edward to hate the baby for what it was doing to Bella, but LOL NOPE. Apparently it’s “like being dragged slowly across a bed of razor blades.” Just like reading this book!

Edward cringes as he reads Jacob’s thoughts, then tosses him a set of car keys, telling him to basically GTFO. And with that wonderful curbhanger, this chapter finally ends.

Allow me to sum it up in three sentences: Leah is menopausal. The baby can convey complex emotions from in utero. Bella sucks at picking out names. The end.

 

Next time on Breaking Dawn: Jacob goes off to write that hit song, Alone In My Principles (bonus points if you understand that reference), and the bell tolls for Bella. Find out more in Breaking Dawn Chapter 17.

Kirsti (all posts)

I'm a 30-something librarian and I still live with my parents because I'm super broke. Leader of Team Heartless Cow. I have an inexplicable love for 90s television, eat too much chocolate, and tweet about the random crap that happens to me on public transport more than I should.





Marines (all posts)

I'm a 20-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.





Annie (all posts)

I'm a radio broadcast grad, caffeine enthusiast, dog person, and Toronto Raptors fan. Former graveyard-shift radio host and communications manager to the non-profit stars, now a freelance writer and communications advisor. I hate spoilers and weak tea.





Catherine (all posts)

I am a 25 year-old human woman who lives in Maine. I'm a freelance writer who mostly spends time that I should be doing that, watching T.V. I also love reading and comic books way too much.





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  • Sarah

    My fingernails were digging into the couch cushions the whole time I was reading this. Just…ugh. UGH. It’s so weird, too, like Meyer hates the thought of pregnancy and childbirth but at the same time OMG BABY RABIES YOU MUST HAVE TEH BABEEEES! It’s really conflicted.

    Also, fuck everything about the idea that you’re not ‘sufficiently female’ if you can’t have kids. If the book and the character were better written I could see Leah being legitimately sad because she can’t have kids and wanted them. Fair. That happens to people. (Then there are people like me, who found out they likely can’t have kids and went “that’s fine.” Both legit.) But here it just comes across as ‘proving’ that women ‘have to have a baby’. No, we don’t.

    • Rosasusannah

      If the book was more well written, they could have given Leah a character arc that shows her growing into a woman who no longer sees herself as an object (to be imprinted or not imprinted upon), who learns that the validity of a person’s gender identity has nothing to do with their reproductive abilities, and who has faith in herself to strike out on her own. Alas…

      • Sarah

        Leah could have been an amazing character in the hands of a better writer, really. Das Mervin, over on LJ, did a good job with her SPN crossover, The Wedding Crashers: http://das-mervin.livejournal.com/311470.html

        • Cat

          Oh my god, I absolutely devoured that fic. Thanks for the link!

          • Sarah

            You’re welcome!

    • Imagine having a story where a woman wants or doesn’t want something and it doesn’t speak for all of womankind. IMAGINE.

      • Sarah

        You mean recognition that women are not one big homogeneous mass? Silly Mari!

  • Anonyme

    It sounds like Michelle Duggar wrote this chapter. “Women are only good for having babies! Abortion is bad! Only heterosexual, cisgender women are deserving of acceptance!” All that’s missing is someone telling Bella she should put out on demand for Eddie.

    • Any time Eddie says eggs, TIME TO GET IT ON.

  • The Bad Slayer

    Stupidest name ever. But worse than Bells naming her child Renesmee are allllllll the other assholes who did IRL. I knew a girl who named her daughter Esmee. What in the actual fuck?

    • I don’t know what I would do if I ever met a human named Renesmee. Laugh, cry, melt, combust? I just don’t know.

      • Sarah

        Let them know it’s never too late to legally change your name?

  • BT Light

    OK I’m a little confused and pissed. I know I should rage at the fact that only women who can / want to have babies are worthwhile, but I’m stuck on wondering why it is that any time a woman gains supernatural powers, she loses her ability to reproduce? Rosalie = vampire + unable to reproduce. Edward = vampire + ABLE to father a spawn. Bella’s bs theory about a woman’s body needing to change as the baby grows only covers vampires. What about werewolves? Why is it that Leah being a werewolf = no kids? It would have been awesome if she could have been the genesis of a new line of FUCKING AMAZING werewolf women who eat everyone who sucks in this series.

    But seriously … why?

    • The Bad Slayer

      Leah and her spawn eat everyone. I am in board for that spinoff.

    • Care

      IIRC from my Twilight knowledge (which is thankfully very sparse), the werewolves stop growing when they become werewolves. If they stopped turning into wolves for months or whatever, their bodies would age. So Leah’s ‘frozen’ at wherever she was in her cycle when she first turned. At least I think that’s what the (idiotic) lore is?

      • Dacia E.

        So does that imply that if you were in the middle of your period when you’re frozen in time, you have to fucking bleed FOREVER? You have an endless endometrium?

        • Care

          I went on the Twilight wiki to find an answer to this. I couldn’t find anything and was scarred by the amount of effort people put into making a wiki for this garbage series.

      • Sarah

        But you can still get pregnant at any point in your cycle where ova would be present so unless she happened to ‘freeze’ after the egg was discharged and before her period started she could theoretically have at least one kid. That’s assuming she only released one egg at a time and oh hell, it’s Meyer, why am I expecting her to understand her own biology.

        • Care

          I feel like we’ve put more thought into this than Meyer ever did. If she can’t understand racism, people’s faces, or basic writing, then there’s no way she gets how fertilization works.

          • Sarah

            I’m pretty sure I did more research on X-ray machines for yesterday’s post (4 minutes, maybe 5 and that’s the tops) than she did for the whole series. I mean, yes, it’s fantasy but it has to at least make internal sense!

        • Stephanie Gertsch

          This would get in the way of Meyer’s philosophy that male bodies are superior to female ones at all times. Women’s bodies get all the nasty side effects; men’s don’t. But if you destroy your body in just the right self-sacrificial way, you can evolve into the Mother Goddess of All.

    • The sci-fi genre punishing women? IDK. In this story specifically, I think it has a lot to do with our careless writer using reproductive ability to reward her MC and differentiate her from the other women in the story. They might be prettier than her or stronger than her or whatever BUT SHE CAN HAVE TEH BABIES DANG IT.

    • Sarah

      I would read the hell out of a book about amazing werewolf women. Especially if you had a wide assortment of personalities, opinions, orientations, gender identities…

    • Stephanie Gertsch

      Ugh I hate this so much. You can be “a woman” or be strong but not both. If you’re strong you can kiss your fertility goodbye and the men will no longer want you. So isnt it better in the end to accept your body’s god-given weakness and submit to your stronger boyfriend and kill yourself having his babies? Barf.

  • Jamie Miller

    I really want to believe SMeyer stole the whole “female werewolves can’t have babies” thing from another author. I know that bitch didn’t come up with it on her own. In other ‘supernatural’ fiction, mostly the female werewolves can conceive, but due to the violence of changing (which isn’t a magical, “Hi, I’m a werewolf now, and now I’m a human!”) they can’t carry the fetus. Or in others where it’s very hard for shapeshifting couples to conceive. These books had already been printed and out to the masses by the time this crap had been written and published, so easy to steal ideas and then decide, well fuck female werewolves. They can’t have babies because they’re suddenly menopausal because they’re a werewolf. I hate this chapter.

    • It’s really interesting to consider the violence inflicted on the body with lycanthropy and what kind of effects that would have short and long term so of course Meyer didn’t really consider it at all.

      • Jamie Miller

        Of course not. If you can’t Google search it, then she can’t use it!

  • Care

    Personally, I can’t wait to have kids. My partner and I are both completely baby crazy. BUT GUESS WHAT MEYER: not everyone wants to conceive, and that is a perfectly valid and commendable choice. Also she seems to have this cognitive dissonance of ‘you should have babies’ and also ‘sex is a horrible and dirty act’. Uhhh, so what *should* we do then, Meyer?

    • It’s SUCH mixed messaging. It’s not even consistent in its terribleness. Bella’s sexuality is repressed throughout the whole first part of the story and then when she’s finally married and gets to do it, she has an entire chapter freak-out. Next thing we know, she wakes up bruised with her husband VERY ANGRY at her because she enjoyed it. And then she gets pregnant and dies.

      But babies are the best.

      *thumbs up*

  • Mae

    “he reminds her that they’re wolves and that’s how wolves eat. Right, but you’re also human and unless you want a fucking tapeworm, you should probably cook your damned meat.”

    Wolves also eat bones and their own poop, so there’s that. I often wonder about this in books with shapeshifters. How do their human stomachs handle what their animal forms eat and vice versa? They should shift back to human and spend the next day on the crapper.

    “Was that because she wasn’t as female as she should be?”

    This made me lose my shit when I first read it. I hope this comes back to haunt Meyer. She’s my age (early 40’s) so menopause isn’t too far off. I suppose she’ll think she’s still female enough since she’s had kids. I’m childless by choice, so I’m already less of a woman in her eyes.

    “you’re drawn to “the person who gives you the best chance to pass on the wolf gene.”

    I think this is just another way to show that imprinting is lesser than vampire love, and maybe some more racism. Vampires pair bond out of the truest of true love. Those dirty brown people just want to make lots and lots of animal babies so all they care about is who is fertile for them.

    • Hahahahaha bones and poop. Good times.

      “I think this is just another way to show that imprinting is lesser than
      vampire love, and maybe some more racism. Vampires pair bond out of the
      truest of true love. Those dirty brown people just want to make lots and
      lots of animal babies so all they care about is who is fertile for
      them.”

      Dear god, this is the never ending onion of racism. That totally flew over my head but you are so right and now I feel sick.

  • Rosasusannah

    This might be a spoiler for some – so sorry, I guess – but I thought EJ was short for Edward Jacob. Isn’t that just the most awful thing you could do when naming a baby? Well, short of giving them a name everyone is bound to tease them brutally for. But seriously, “you were named after your father and also the other man in our love triangle who I almost had an affair with. Your daddy agreed to it because he thought the J stood for Junior!”

    • Sarah

      Bella’s not that smart. Fortunately, in this case.

    • “You are named for your father and the other man I smile at.”

      <3

    • Mae

      It’s also kind of a dick move to Jacob too. “I know you wanted to be the father of my child while we live happily ever after, but here’s the child I had with your personal and cultural nemesis with your name on it!”

  • Samantha

    Okay, overshare time. I recently got the birth control implant in my arm for a variety of reasons. It usually completely takes away your periods and for a brief moment I had a panic attack that it would make me “less of a girl” to not have my period because society sucks and those messed up thoughts make their way in. So, yep, fuck RIGHT OFF Meyer and cosign to everything you said about it. We’re here for all the girls in all the ways. Period. (See what I did?)

    • Alicia

      How does the birth control in your arm work? I’ve been looking at options, since I don’t want to have kids. Ever. Also, is it expensive? But I live in Canada, so it may be different.

      • Sarah

        I don’t know what province you’re in, but in New Brunswick at least, the procedure is covered but you have to pay for the implant itself.

        I have a Mirena IUD and I love it. Feel free to ask me questions.

        • Alicia

          I’m in Nova Scotia. I would like to know more about the Mirena IUD if you would be able to inform me?

          • Sarah

            Sure! I’m OK answering questions in public (so to speak) but if you’re not comfortable asking here you can also PM me on Twitter @Sarah_Elle4.

          • Alicia

            Okay, I can add you on Twitter 🙂 mine is @DreamweaverMTZ

          • Alicia

            Also my account is private, so you have to follow me or else you won’t be able to see my messages.

      • Samantha

        Mine was, shockingly, covered here in the US. I’m not sure if it’s because my doctor coded it as more of a medical need than a lifestyle choice? USA health insurance is all about loopholes. -_-
        I’ve had it for about a month and a half and love it so far. I skipped my first period! Science magic!

        • Alicia

          Oh, that’s good then 🙂 I should check it out with my doctor too. Would be nice to skip a period honestly lol. Never having periods again for someone who doesn’t want children would be amazing.

    • I love you. And yes. I do see what you did.

  • Alicia

    Jacob…newsflash you’re still part-human and can survive on human food, unlike the vampires who only drink blood. You don’t HAVE to eat raw meat. Like, come on.

    Leah must have gone through some real shit to be happier in Jacob’s pack than Sam’s. But I kinda don’t blame her, though. Even if Jacob’s a dipshit most of the time, it has to be better than having to deal with what she went through with Sam and Emily everyday and be constantly reminded of it. However, they both agree that Seth should graduate high school and life a normal life, but why is Leah doomed to stay with Jacob? Why can’t she go off on her own, too? She could pull a Jacob and run away to Canada. (Hey girl, come visit, you won’t have to eat raw meat and I’ll take you to Tim Horton’s.)

    So…I’m not sure what Leah becoming a wolf has to do with messing with her period, since animals can still go in heat and clearly well have babies. I also hate the message that women = can’t be happy without kids. I choose not to have kids. While that might offend some, it’s my own choice, and I’m missing the motherly instinct which is required to raise a child. It’s not a matter of I’ll change my mind, either. It’s just not there at all. I’m also 28 years old so my clock is ticking, I’m sure if I was going to change my mind I would have by now. -gasp- a woman who doesn’t want to have kids, that’s unheard of!!#@!# I’ll be perfectly happy with my future husband and pets.

    Also, Jacob’s assuming that because Leah’s a wolf means she’s not a female as she should be which is why she can’t have periods anymore. It’s complete bullshit. As I said, animals still go in heat to be able to reproduce. So, wtf? Her being wolf doesn’t make her less female. And as you guys said, her not being able to have kids doesn’t make her less of a woman. Goddamn. This is bullshit. What kind of world does Meyer live in? A very, VERY sheltered one, obviously.

    Wow, consistency is not strong with this one. Leah complaining about not being imprinted on, BUT SHE IS THE WOLF SO SHE SHOULD IMPRINT ON A HUMAN GUY OR SOMETHING. Ugh. Maybe she’s a lesbian. No guy wolf has imprinted on Leah yet because she’s going to imprint on a woman. Right?

    Also: fucking creepy. Meyer somehow finds a way to make imprinting even worse than it already is. Attraction on a genetic level TO AN INFANT WHO HAS NO SAY IN THE MATTER is ugh ugh ugh gross.

    Rosalie literally doesn’t care if Bella dies, so long as she gets to be Godmother to this demon-spawn baby. It’s too weird. I’m also not sure how it’s possible to live vicariously through a dying human who was boring as fuck to begin with, but okay, whatever, Stephanie.

    Oh yes, Jacob thinks, let’s make jokes while my best friend/unrequitted love who is carrying my future fuckbuddy is about to probably die. Such appropriateness. More proof that Rosalie could care less about what happens to Bella.

    As if Bella will even be alive to see the baby once it’s born. I’m not sure why her, Rosalie and Eddy are all so happy at the prospect of her probably dying, but okay. If she didn’t have plans on becoming a vampire afterwards she wouldn’t even get to see the baby grow up. Also why don’t they get that girl on morphine? I’m sure Charlisle has some in his stolen stash.

    I used to not like my name as a kid. I found it kind of annoying. But now I really like it. Most people say it’s a pretty and unique name. I haven’t met an Alicia in person. It’s not a mash up of two names, though. If it was it would probably be, Jeffcat or Catjeff. lol a mashup of the first few letters of parent’s names.

    It’s not weird at all that this like month-old fetus baby can convey complex thoughts from inside Bella’s uterus. I’m pretty sure most human babies are barely starting to develop at a month old. HOW IT IS NOT FUCKING ALARMING TO ANYONE. At least Jacob is the only one having a proper reaction…well, for now. Until he lays eyes on Bella’s just-born daughter then it gets super fucking weird.

    • Mae

      “Wow, consistency is not strong with this one. Leah complaining about not being imprinted on, BUT SHE IS THE WOLF SO SHE SHOULD IMPRINT ON A HUMAN GUY OR SOMETHING.”

      But that would be the *woman* taking the lead and choosing her mate, which would mean the male imprintee has no control of the relationship (it’s not like any sexuality exists outside of cis-gendered hetero). Who do you think you are, giving women agency and stuff? Can’t have that, silly. Women are merely the incubators that men choose. Even when they’re the first female werewolf of ever.

      Your post also made me think that it would have been interesting if Leah did go from a human menstrual cycle every month to a seasonal estrus cycle like a wolf.

      • Alicia

        Ahh, of course, how silly of me. I should have realized, women can never take control of a relationship. Even though it’s perfectly legit when a woman takes control and gets the man she wants. Heaven forbid, a woman ask a man to be her boyfriend. (Which I have done with a few of my previous relationships.) But nope, not according to Meyer. The men must always choose their women, and the women have no say and must just bow down and accept it. Imprinting is complete bullshit. It’s not “true love at first sight”, abuse (and pedophilia), since the women (or in this case, babies) literally have no say in whether they want to be with a werewolf the rest of their lives.

        It would have been interesting to see Leah switch up cycles, as in, not have a regular period, but a seasonal one like a wolf. But…what I don’t understand is, that her body is still human. She’s not a wolf all the time. Or maybe it could have been something like, she doesn’t get her human period while she’s in wolf form, but her human body is still functioning as normal when she’s human. Just that while she’s on her period in human form, she can’t switch to a wolf until it’s done. Maybe? :/ It just doesn’t really make sense that because she’s a werewolf (or more accurately, shapeshifter) she can no longer conceive.

        • Sarah

          It just occurred to me, but stress can shut down a person’s menstrual cycle. Leah is undergoing a LOT of stress, it’s entirely possible that if she were to leave La Push her cycles would resume.

          • Alicia

            That is a good point. Mine was late this month due to the stress of starting a new job. I haven’t ever skipped it, but it is possible.

  • Christie Greenwood

    EJ stands for something even worse than “Edward Junior”, namely “Edward Jacob”. -_-

    • Alicia

      Heh, Bella is like those bad authors who keep on milking one series (aka Stephenie Meyer, ELJ, Anna Todd, etc). They can’t think of anything original once their series is done so they just write more spin offs of the series that are uncessesary to keep the story interesting most of the time. lol In this case, coming up with original names is too hard for Bella so she rips off the people she knows. It’s funny that Meyer brags about Renesmee being such an unusual name, which it is and it isn’t. It is, because the two names sound different when put together. It isn’t, because it’s just a mash up of two names. It’s not always a bad thing mashing up two names, but in this case, yes it was. lol

  • Joy

    To be fair, I’ve developed an anaphylaxis-style allergy with dairy and I dream of eating things with butter and cheese. Literally dream of it. I also dreamed about snow last night, though.

  • Regina

    You’re not a woman if you can’t have kids? Fuck you, Meyer. Ever noticed how the female characters who don’t like Bella, Rosalie and Leah, are punished by being infertile? Whereas the ‘good’ ones, Alice and Esme, either don’t seem to care about it or have an adopted family. Coincidence?

    Also Leah you could imprint on someone or, I don’t know, have a normal goddamn relationship with fully consenting participants.

  • Kristen Tabor

    My thought on the whole “female werewolf can’t have babies” was because the LaPush werewolves are essentially immortal and unchanging. In order to have babies, or menstruate, a woman’s body has to change. Leah’s body doesn’t change, ergo, no periods and no conceiving.

    Now, it’s possible that if she got out of LaPush and away from vampires, she wouldn’t be a werewolf and would be able to have periods, get pregnant, grow old, die. Of course, we know from this series that vampires are, like EVERYWHERE, so good luck with that, girl.

    Personally, no periods? HELL YEAH.

    Also, I have chosen not to have kids, so not being able to conceive would be super awesome. I’ve chosen continuous birth control pills in order to not have periods and not have kids, but it didn’t make me essentially immortal, so WHATEVER.

  • Da Bomb From Guam Mafnas

    Reneesme will always be the lamest more horrid name ever. Also, I’d dance on Meyer’s grave.

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