Previously: Something is wrong with Hardin so Tessa leaves Noah in the dust.
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Marines: Landon texts Tessa an address, which she copy and pastes into her “maps program.” Why are the people who write these terrible, abusive, poorly written “romance” stories also terrible at technology? Who says “maps program” instead of just maps or GPS? I’ll even take navigation. ARE THEY ALL ALIENS?
Samantha: I mean, honestly, it’s the only explanation.
Mari: Tessa is super confused about why Landon needs her and it’s at this point that I begin to suspect that Hardin sent these god damn messages himself. I’m going to leave this probably wrong prediction here because it doesn’t truly matter. All that matters is that about a quarter into the story, we all know enough about the romantic lead to suspect he’d fake some SOS text messages to get the girl away from her boyfriend.
ROMANCE.
Samantha: Oh my, my panties have… oh no, never mind, they’re still in place.
Mari: Noah keeps calling Tessa, but she ignores his calls, partly out of guilt and partly because she needs to keep her maps program up on her screen. Tessa gets to a super swanky neighborhood and further feeds the #TensionFAIL by describing it all, down the streetlights. Boy howdy, I hope Hardin doesn’t die before we describe the brick house on a faux-hill. (S: I mean… I kinda hope he does. What exact shade of brick is it, Tess?)
Tess knocks on the door and Landon answers and formally thanks Tessa for coming. He asks where Noah is, but his ass got left at the dorms homie. Tessa asks where Hardin is. Landon explains that he’s in the backyard, “out of control.” Tessa asks why she’s there, and Landon’s stupid response is, “I don’t know, I know you hate him, but you do talk to him.” Um, what. (S: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha whut.)
Turns out that Hardin got home and drank over half a bottle of scotch. Then he started breaking all of Landon’s mother’s dishes, like a dick. He’s throwing this tantrum because his father told him that he’s marrying Landon’s mother. And Landon decided to call Tessa to introduce her to this dangerous and violent situation because Hardin was calling out for her. This causes Tessa’s heart to stop– not the glass everywhere and the MF cabinet that he tipped over. But swoon, he’s calling your name during his drunken rampage. Yeah, girl. So hot. Too much sexy.
ROMANCE.
Tessa goes out to the patio where Hardin is sitting. When he sees her, his eyes magically darken because that’s what aliens think human eyes do WE SEE YOU ANNA TODD YOU ALIEN. Hardin shouts a bit about Landon calling Tessa, but then he sits and gestures for her to sit as well.
Drunk Hardin thinks Landon and Tessa are ganging up on him for breaking some “shitty china.” Tessa thought that Hardin didn’t drink and he doesn’t… until now. He keeps drinking and apparently he’s about a scotch bottle in so really all we can hope for at this point is actual death.
We can hope, but what we actually get is this:
“And it’s scary, but I can’t deny that being near him, even in his drunken state, breathes life into me and I love the feeling Hardin gives me.”
This is not ha ha ha happy fun drunk together thing. This is Tessa saying that even though Hardin is drunk and violent, she still gets fuzzy feelings. It’s disgusting.
Samantha: Yuck. Scary, violent, loud, drunk men are not swoony, ya’ll. PSA.
Mari: Hardin says Tessa can’t be judgey, but she swears she’s not trying to be. (Ha.) She just wants to know why he’s drinking now. Hardin avoids the questions and starts yelling about Tessa’s boyfriend. His eyes are ejaculating so many emotions that Tessa has to look away as she explains that Noah got his ass left at the dorm.
Tessa tries to soothe Hardin by grabbing his hand, but he won’t let himself be hand held. He tells Tessa to leave, but of course she isn’t going to because her no-no region is too tingly for her to do anything so rational, I guess. Tessa just asks again what’s going on. Hardin runs his hands through his hair, so you know we’ve reached maximum brood.
Samantha: Every time he runs his hand through his damn hair I remember this is supposed to be Harry Styles and then I wonder if those boys know about this ridiculous fan fiction rendering of themselves that made all the money.
Mari: Comments have me thinking the answer is yes and they’ve been graceful and diplomatic about it. The good news is that we don’t have to be ha ha ha!
Anyway, Hardin’s dad just told him that he’s marrying Landon’s mom even though the wedding is next month. Yep, that’s a pretty dick move, so I guess Like-A-Dick-itis is genetic. Hardin keeps airing his daddy issues, including the fact that he barely sees his dad even though his mom shipped him to the States to be closer to his father. I can tell you that I hate this character so much that I feel about 0% bad for him (#TeamHeartlessCow), but then something happens to make me feel negative one million percent bad for him:
“With this little bit of information he has given me I feel like I can understand him so much better. Hardin’s hurt; that’s why he is the way he is.”
1- NOPE. (S: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPE.)
2- *screams*
3- Information “given” to her like a gift from the gods. She was #blessed by this 10 second hurt monologue.
4- WE ARE ALL HURT. LIFE SUCKS SOMETIMES. YOU DON’T GET TO BE A DICK BECAUSE OF IT.
5- Are we really getting his jerkish behavior excuse this early in the story? REALLY?
6- Get help, Hardin. Your love will not fix him, Tessa.
7- *screams*
Hardin’s dad left them when he was 10 and was also a drunk. Just like Tessa’s dad! Their souls are connected, or whatever. Tessa notes that wounded, drunk Hardin is so much more fragile than the “powerful” person she’s known. I think by powerful she mostly means “big guy who drives me to remote murdery locations in the woods” because what else could she mean?
Tessa says nice things because she wants to help Hardin, but he tells her that she’s pathetic. He doesn’t want her around and she should go back to her nice boyfriend and she shouldn’t think that messing around one time changes anything. Tessa ignores the hurtful words and thinks about him throwing her around in the water and how happy that was. Yeah, I’m pretty sure that thinking of the happy times is basic abuse victim behavior. He isn’t always like this. Remember the happy times.
And wasn’t she just saying how gentle and wounded he is? Now we’re back to he’s mean but he doesn’t mean it? TESSA. RUN AWAY.
Hardin tries to keep drinking, but Tessa grabs the bottle from his and throws it. She stands and says she’s going to help Landon clean the mess and then go. Hardin asks why she would help Landon, and she calmly says that Landon deserves her help. This makes Hardin v sad. Tessa says she knows she should say more mean things and scream at him, but this is what Hardin does: he lashes out and basks in the chaos it creates. Tessa is a Hardin expert now because of that one time his hand was on her vagina and also the Spark Notes version of his Childhood Trauma he just gave.
Samantha: Don’t forget her Natural Suspiciousness. Makes her a great detective.
Mari: Inside, Tessa starts helping Landon clean up the glass, but very quickly cuts herself. She’s cleaning the cut when Hardin comes inside and asks to speak to her. Tessa wants to say no but she can’t because his eyes are red and… she’s a sucker for red eyes? I DON’T KNOW YOU GUYS.
Samantha: I was going to add a picture of a red eye but I can’t, you guys, because it’s really gross up close.
Mari: Alien Todd thinks it’s hawt.
Before they can get to talking, Hardin notices that Tessa’s finger is bleeding so she helps her put a Band-aid on her boo-boo. See, it’s okay that he just called her the definition of pathetic because now he put a Band-aid on her boo-boo and AWWWW.
ROMANCE.
Hardin asks again if he can talk to Tessa and she says AGAIN that she knows that she shouldn’t but “since when do I do what I should when Hardin is involved?” I don’t even like scotch but yeah I’d take a bottle right about now too. Usually “acting irrationally because love” means like texting extra or giggling or going on happy adventures not staying around a drunk belligerent idiot or taking field trips into murder forests. YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG, TESSA.
Hardin grabs Tessa by the wrist, like she’s an errant child, and leads her back outside.
QUIZ TIME!
What will happen outside?
1- Hardin apologizes in the douchiest way possible.
b- Tessa starts drinking too because more bad decisions are needed.
cat- Actual communication is cut off by kisses
EVERYTHING IS HORRIBLE- all of the above.
Answer in the comments. There are no wrong answers, only not enough tears.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
I'm a 28 year old graduated English major and almost librarian. I can often be found singing too loudly (poorly) in the car or spending some time (hours) on Tumblr. I am a lover of Harry Potter, the Spice Girls, and too many other things.