Previously: Hardin hates china.
—
Samantha: I’mma just preface this with I hate this mother fucking douche so much.
Hardin and Tessa go sit on the patio. Tessa says that his touch is literally burning her skin so someone get this girl some ice.
Marines: That’s an allergic reaction, not romance, baby girl.
Samantha: Tessa tries to muster her harsh tone so, we’ll see how long that lasts.
Mari: Tessa has every right to be mad, obviously, but her reactions are really strange to me. I think it goes back to these horrible chapter divisions and the fact that this STILL reads like it was written as many pieces of a story instead of one cohesive story. Tessa literally just walked inside thinking about how she isn’t going to erupt because it would give Hardin what he wants. She sat there while he called her pathetic and was like “think of happy times.” Now, he pulls her outside to apologize for what he said, and she’s like RAWR MEAN VOICE TIME.
Um, why? I mean, yell away! More power to you, but… why does everything seem backward?
Samantha: Hardin takes off his beanie and runs his hands through his hair again and apologizes “with an intensity.” Then he demands that she respond to his apology when she doesn’t say anything immediately, so you know he isn’t really sorry he just wants to put on a show. He then tells her she’s difficult to deal with (areyoufuckingkiddingme) and Tessa is all “You’re so cruel all the time????” and I’m like, I know girl so gtfo.
Hardin protests that he doesn’t mean to be (hahahahahahaha shut up) and Tessa says “I have never been treated this poorly by anyone in my entire life.” I mean. Bow chicka wow wow? Hardin legit asks her why she keeps coming around him then and Tessa doesn’t have an answer.
Mari: This is too much mess. TOO MUCH.
1- She mentions the fact that Noah never makes her cry. We talked about Noah’s purpose last week in the comments and I mentioned that I thought of him simply as the good boy foil. Here that is. Noah never makes her cry, but she also never gets poison ivy reactions to his touch so IDK girl decide on your priorities I guess.
2- YES YOU DO MEAN TO BE CRUEL. In the last chapter, Tessa was like, “I want to be there for you” and he literally just flung every mean thing he could think of at her, including the previously discussed worry that Hardin was using her. So eff you and your baby voice (seriously it’s “so low and almost feels like it’s part of the night air“) and go to hell.
3- I’VE NEVER BEEN TREATED THIS POORLY, SHE SAYS. And people have the audacity to be like “calm down it’s romance.” NO. IT IS NOT. THIS IS VERY NOT CUTE.
4- “Why do you keep coming around?” Oh heelllll no. I mean, legit question is kind of legit BUT NOT FROM THE ABUSER. It’s undercover victim blaming that tries to pin the responsibility on the person existing in specific spaces rather than on the abuser BEING AN ABUSER.
Is this scene over yet?
Samantha: She follows this by declaring that she’s really truly done with him now and will be dropping Literature to get away from him. (M: Hello, Stay Away From Hardin™. )Hardin really doesn’t want her to do that and she wonders why he would want her around when she’s so “pathetic.” He declares himself the pathetic one and news flash, someone declaring that they suck in some way does not absolve them from the sucky behaviors. Proclaiming yourself an asshole does not mean that it’s okay to be an asshole.
Tessa starts drinking because of course she does.
Hardin says that he hasn’t had a drink in 6 months, and Tessa tells him that it makes him a worse person. Hardin is shocked, SHOCKED I TELL YOU, that Tessa thinks he’s a bad person. (M: The MF china cabinet you tipped over is like “…yeah.”) Tessa gets up to leave because he’s starting sentences and not finishing them. He asks her not to go and creeps really close to her while her back is turned, I guess? I dunno, Tessa turns around to find him really close. (M: If that doesn’t just raise the hairs on your neck…) She asks why she should stay when he only ever insults her and turns to leave again.
His response is to GRAB HER ARM AND JERK HER BACK while yelling “Don’t turn your back on me!”
This is absolutely not fucking okay. He is manhandling her. I haven’t read any further but I have a feeling this is about to transition into sexytimes and there is nothing sexy about what’s going on here. Tessa and Hardin haven’t had a mature conversation about how they like being rough to get them going, there is nothing happening here besides a man pushing around a woman because she’s not behaving how he wants.
Mari: I haaate this whole thing where Tessa is fishing for a reason to stay from him because it’s ignoring actions and looking for some expression of emotion that will let her overlook the evidence before her. It’s almost like she’s hoping to manipulate herself into being with him. The even worst part is that Hardin responds to this with physical restraint. He grabs and pulls and yells at her. So literally when Tessa asks “why should I stay,” Hardin answers with his actions: because I’m physically going to make you.
AHHHHHHHH.
Samantha: She starts screaming at him about how she doesn’t even know why she’s there and pushing against his chest. This is cut short by Hardin kissing her and I fucking knew it. (M: #manipuKISS) Tessa feels her body responding to him but decides, with her consensual mind, that she doesn’t want this so she pushes against him and doesn’t kiss back. She then thinks “It’s no use; he is stronger than me.” Yeah, this is not consent y’all. “Giving in or giving up” is not consent ever at all it isn’t.
He tells her to kiss him and she shakes her head no. He says that he needs her and she “unravels” at his words which… I don’t think unraveling counts as consent either.
“This indecent, drunken, terrible man just says he needs me, and somehow it sounds like poetry to my ears.”
It’s such a terrible message I can’t stand it? Women do not exist to fix broken men. It won’t work. Ugh.
Mari: She is getting off on her savior complex right now. I’m sick.
Samantha: Tessa wonders some more if Hardin could possibly need her as much as she seems to need him. She stops the kiss and Hardin “lets” her. No, really, that’s the word the text uses. She tells him that she has to go and they can’t keep doing this. He “forces” her to look at him. Again, actual textual word choice. Tessa tells him that she doesn’t like who she is with him and how he makes her feel. Hardin tells her that she’s actually the real her when she’s with him and whywhywhywhywhy.
Mari: We had this whole discussion over on Buffy recaps when Spike was like “no Buffy this is you, you love feeling gross trust me” and I hated it. She’s telling you that she doesn’t like how you make her feel and then to have the gall to tell her this is the real her? FUCK OUTTA HERE.
Samantha: He says that he felt terrible after he humiliated her after the Pond Incident and that he wants to be a better person for her. Then, the chapter abruptly ends because Hardin wanting to be a good person is that much of a say whuuuuuut cliffhanger.
Also, Mari is so good at wordifying my rage. (M: AKA I have a lot of words…)
Consider supporting Samantha by buying her a Ko-Fi, but whatever you do, don’t grab her by the arm and jerk her around, okay?
Next time on After: You make me want to be a better man in Chapter 31.
I'm a 28 year old graduated English major and almost librarian. I can often be found singing too loudly (poorly) in the car or spending some time (hours) on Tumblr. I am a lover of Harry Potter, the Spice Girls, and too many other things.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
