Previously: Hardin says mean things and then kind of apologizes because he wants to be a better man.
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Marines: Tessa tries to take a step back from Hardin, but “his grip is too strong.” We’re going to totally ignore her lack of bodily autonomy in this very moment because she’s so! shocked! and! over! whelmed! that Hardin just said he wants to be good. If it is THIS SHOCKING that someone has set the pretty mid-level bar of being good, perhaps don’t date that person. #SnarkLadyAdvice (S: #MaybeLiterallySavesLivesInThisCase.)
To get her emotions under control, Tessa stares into the darkness. I always really wonder if these authors ever pause to consider what their writing would really be like. Like when Meyer was writing all those tragic goodbye scenes before gym class in Twilight. This scene is like that. Really consider this:
Two people are outside. The guy drunkenly says, “I want to be good for you,” while gripping the girl’s arm so tight she cannot move, even though she wants to. The girl stares off into the darkness, catatonic, and makes no response.
IS THAT ROMANTIC?
NO. IT ISN’T. IT’S WEIRD. IT’S REALLY WEIRD.
Samantha: Maybe these books are trying to tell us that there is some giant secret in the darkness. A secret so big that they have to cover it up with terrible storytelling so that no one suspects and oh shoot, are we accidentally writing a better story than Twilight (and After)?
Mari: Tessa comes to and looks back at Hardin with her eyes “hazy.” Dear god, how many ways is this not a normal reaction to, “I want to be a decent fella”?
She tells him that she must’ve misunderstood him, because it is this unbelievable that a guy– this guy– would want to be good for her. Hardin “explains” that she makes him feel all kinds of funny feelings and he doesn’t know how to handle it so he does the only thing he knows how to do: be an asshole. This grand revelation that Hardin’s one and only coping mechanism is assholery sends Tessa into a trance.
Woooooooow.
Two people are outside. The guy drunkenly says, “I want to be good for you,” while gripping the girl’s arm so tight, she cannot move, even though she wants to. The girl stares off into the darkness, catatonic, and makes no response.
Finally, she comes to and asks him to repeat himself. He tells her that the only thing he knows how to do in life when faced with the unfamiliar, THE ONLY THING, is be an asshole. The girl falls into a trance.
Is it romantic yet?
NO.
Samantha: The secrets in the darkness overwhelm her and confuse her. She pulls herself back to reality and can’t quite remember what the moodily disheveled boy with murder eyes was talking about.
Mari: I guess it was a brief trance because Tessa’s back, and she tells Hardin that this could never work because they are too different, and he doesn’t date. Hardin counters that they aren’t that different because they both love books. Tessa tells us that there are traces of liquor “in his breath.” Um, I’m not sure you would say it’s IN his breath vs ON his breath? I was pretty certain when I started typing that but this book makes me question everything. Additionally, TRACES? He drank an entire bottle of scotch like 5 minutes ago, I’m fairly certain it’s more than traces. Unless, of course, this is the comment section head canon confirmed and he drank a little airplane bottle of scotch and lost control. (S: I love the comment section so much.)
Tessa still can’t wrap her mind around the idea of Hardin thinking their dating is a good idea. She reminds him that he doesn’t date. Hardin says he knows, but they could be… friends. “There it is,” Tessa thinks. “Back to square one” and like two chapters ago because I swear we just did this. No one is more disappointed here than we the readers, Tessa. No one.
Tessa tells him that firstly he said they couldn’t be friends. Secondly, she won’t be friends with him because she knows he means he wants all the benefits of a boyfriend without having to commit. For some more reminders that Hardin is probably too drunk to be having deep chats, he starts swaying and finally lets Tessa out of his death grip. Hardin asks why the label is so important to her, but Tessa takes a moment to be grateful that he’s backed down enough that she can breathe scotch-free air. Did someone just turn the romance dial down another 100%? Yes. Yes Anna Todd did. Our girl was being suffocated by his alcohol breath this whole time so I guess that explains why she kept like passing out and slipping into trances or whatever. (S: The darkness, it waits patiently…..)
Anyway, Tessa says that even though she hasn’t had a lot of self-restraint lately, she does have self-respect and won’t be someone’s plaything, especially because he treats her like dirt. Plus, she’s taken. Hardin’s “evil dimples come out” and I can only imagine that they are shaped like pitchforks. Hardin says that she may be taken, and yet look where she is right now. (And look whose ass got left at the dorms.) Tessa “reflexively” tells him that she loves Noah, and Noah loves her.
Hardin doesn’t want to hear that. Tessa tells us that his words are coming out faster now, but I’m not really sure how she noticed, given that he just said one very short sentence? His other words must’ve been super, super slurred, bring the romance dial down another I don’t know fifty levels.
Samantha: We’ve gone so low that we’re in hell now. Figures.
Mari: Seems about right.
Tessa thinks that Hardin is only saying this because he’s drunk, and tomorrow he’ll go back to hating her. Hardin says he doesn’t hate her and does the broody boy thing of walking a few steps away. Tessa wishes she could just walk away from him, but not as much as I wish she could just walk away from him. He tells her that if she can look him in the eye and say that she wants him to leave her alone, he will. We all know she won’t say this, but it’s asinine because how many times has Tessa said, “no” or “leave me alone” or otherwise tried to step or get away from him? The idea that he would ~*listen*~ this time because she ~*looks him in the eye*~ is contemptible because it teaches people that there are nos that count less than others.
Samantha: “Her mouth said no but her body, which cannot give consent on its own, said yes.”
Mari: HELL.
It gets even worse because before Tessa can reply, Hardin comes close again and starts rubbing her all over her arms, asking her to say that she never wants to feel his touch again. He brings his face closer to hers and asks her to say she never wants to kiss him again. Our girl is back to smelling his scotch again and all she can manage is to whisper Hardin’s name. He’s all, “see? We can’t resist each other.” He invites her to stay the night with him, but then some movement by the door catches her eye and causes her to jump away from Hardin.
It’s Landon and his face is “twisted with confusion,” which is definitely a thing you should try to replicate at home right now. Here I tried it for you:
Samantha:
Mari: Feel free to leave your attempts in the comments.
Seeing Landon snaps Tessa back to reality, and she tells Hardin that she has to go. He starts begging her to stay the night with him. She considers it but asks what she’s supposed to tell Noah, who got his ass left at the dorm. She’s driving his car. Hardin tries to think of an excuse but finally just tells her to tell him nothing. What’s the worst that could happen? Tessa shudders because she knows Noah will run and tattle to her mother. Tessa is irritated at Noah because she shouldn’t have to worry about her boyfriend ratting her out to her mother, even if she does do something wrong. It is awful little brother-ish of him.
Samantha: This is so many levels of weird because no, your boyfriend should not tattle on you, but also you left his ass at your dorm to go cheat on him Miss High Horse.
Mari: Also true.
Hardin keeps trying and says that Noah is probably asleep anyway. Tessa knows he isn’t because he doesn’t have a way to get back to his hotel. Hardin’s like, “skkrrrrrt, hold the phone! How is this kid reserving a hotel room??” Just kidding. He’s actually super surprised that Noah has a hotel room, and Tessa stays in her room.
“Is he straight?” Hardin asks, his bloodshot eyes dancing in amusement.”
How very homo- and acephobic of Todd. You can’t just write “he’s not sleeping with you is he gay?” to then insinuate that something is “wrong” with Noah. And that’s what Hardin is insinuating because his next statement is “something is not right there.” He tells Tessa that if she were his, he would fuck her every chance he had. Consent optional, I’m sure!
Samantha: Hahahahaha isn’t it funny how being gay is wrong and also how straight boys have absolutely zero control over themselves? That’s so funny and clever.
Mari: Tessa’s mouth falls open because he said the f word. Hardin tells her to come inside with him. The trees are swaying so Tessa figures that one sip of alcohol we read about her drinking is really kicking in now. Hardin is spending the night here instead of the frat house, and he wants Tessa to stay too.
Samantha: Is this Hardin’s dad’s house? Where is he?
Mari: Somewhere ignoring his son.
Inside, Landon has cleaned up most of the glass mess with absolutely no help. He the real MVP. Tessa makes Hardin promise he’ll clean the rest of it up the next day, and he promises to do so, all while leading her upstairs. Tessa is thankful that they don’t cross Landon’s path before the get to the room. Hardin pulls her inside.
Is this it, guys? Are they going to have teh sex now? (Don’t answer that.) (S: Oh god please not yet, it’s my chapter.)
On that note:
Next time on After: Hardin gives Tessa fashion advice in bed in chapter 32.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
I'm a 28 year old graduated English major and almost librarian. I can often be found singing too loudly (poorly) in the car or spending some time (hours) on Tumblr. I am a lover of Harry Potter, the Spice Girls, and too many other things.