Breaking Dawn Chapter 19 – Womb Skype

Previously: Bella gave birth in spectacularly awful fashion and died.

Marines: Hi, hello! Remember when we were cute and recapped a whole Twilight book in a month? Ha ha ha, welcome to Breaking Dawn. (I said that in my head like “The Reynolds Pamphlet.”) (“Have you read this shit?”)

I was definitely the delay here as it was my task to edit the video below. But the delay really happened because it took full freaking weeks to read this chapter. I’m not joking.

On the bright side, A VIDEO! This of course means that we’ve made it to the halfway(ish) point of Breaking Dawn! It’s really small consolation when you see Kirsti hold up the book in the video… but it’s better than like chapter one of Twilight. #halffull

Anyhow, enjoy, if you can, as much as you can, and we’ll try to be back not in two months.



Marines (all posts)

I'm a 20-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.

Catherine (all posts)

I am a 25 year-old human woman who lives in Maine. I'm a freelance writer who mostly spends time that I should be doing that, watching T.V. I also love reading and comic books way too much.

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  • Blinvy .

    Wait, wait, wait, chapter 19 is only the halfway point!? Oh god, you guys need more drinks.

    • We keep prolonging it too. WE ARE MAKING IT WORSE.

  • Sarah

    Oh, god, only the halfway point? Here, have a video of Edward getting his ass beat to cheer you up:

  • Rosasusannah

    Ah, happy birthday to me! What a nice surprise! 😃

    While it might have been weird to skip over the whole turning experience after all the buildup since book one, why couldn’t Meyer bring something new into it? The chapter really is pointless also when you consider how – spoilers – no one even knows she was conscious through it because she lies to everybody about it.

    I guess it did give us the gem “Edward Jacob.” Barf.

    • Jamie Miller

      Ugh that combo is almost as bad as Renesmee. Almost.

  • Mae

    Bella’s prophetic dreams are more accurate than Alice’s visions. Of course, a dog randomly barking at cars is more accurate than Alice’s visions.

    Authors who have never blacked out should never write fainting scenes. I’ve blacked out before.
    I had a split second of my vision turning odd colors and then nothing until I came to again. At least it’s better than Laurell K Hamilton who is convinced you dream when you pass out from a concussion. I’ve also been on morphine before and no, lucidity is not part of how it works. And if vampire venom contradicts the fuzziness of opioids, then it’s also blocking the morphine from working at all making it pointless.

    I’m convinced Renesmee is breathing in a panic because she can see the giant pervy werewolf creepy staring at her like he’s in love.

    Wait, so only Alice has rhythmic footfalls? Does everyone else walk like they’re in Monty Python’s Ministry of Silly Walks or something? Everyone’s footfalls have a rhythm, even my mom who walks with a cane.

    • Jamie Miller

      I don’t know who Laurell K Hamilton is, but I want to fight her. (OK I looked her up, and I still want to fight her)

      • Joy


      • Mae

        If you ever decide to read Hamilton’s Anita Blake series (which I don’t recommend), you’ll only want to fight her more. It’s infinitely snark-worthy and absolutely maddening.

        • Jamie Miller

          Oh dear. I’m not sure I need another series to rage at… or maybe I do.

    • Stephanie Gertsch

      I think in the book they decided the morphine didn’t work on vampire transformations. So they touched on that problem even if in passing. Still a dumb scene.

  • Jamie Miller

    It is definitely, “Have you read this shit??” “SMeyer doesn’t know how to human and she wrote it down right there! Damn!” Sorry.

  • Joy

    Forget not owning a face, I don’t think SMeyer owns an actual body.

  • CJ

    If I remember right, the ‘natural’ way for half-vampire babies like Renesmee to be born is in fact to kill their mothers and chew their way out. So, that’s a thing.

  • BT Light

    Yeay! Welcome back, ladies! Really missed you. I was actually beginning to wonder whether you’d given up entirely (can’t say I would have blamed you). So happy to have you back, but sorry you had to restart with this.

    PS: if you think Jacob imprinting on a newborn is bad, which it clearly is, there’s a series that can one – up it. It’s a “romance” series (quotes because it focuses on controlling, manipulative asshats who do really terrible things to their female partners, called “lifemates”), and one such asshat helps magically heal a woman and her fetus so that the fetus will get to know his presence and be more willing to be forcibly mated to him after she’s born. Not kidding. The scene even describes the response of the fetus to him and how it’s comforted by him, so call Mensa I guess, because this fetus can interact more than Bella’s. After being born, she wants, understandably, to say fuck ALL of that shit and runs away, so he “gives her until she’s 18”, then tracks her down and says the magic words to bond them for eternity. Because only the men can do that. Even against the will of the woman. Cute, no? Imprinting on a fetus. #truelove

    • Mae

      What the ever loving fuck?! What is this series you’re talking about? That sounds horrifying.

      • BT Light

        It’s the Dark series by Christine Feehan. I… read a bunch of her books, naively hoping they’d get better because I was mildly curious about the “mystery” she’d set up that spanned multiple books (which she never answered. I’ve never seen the show Lost, but it felt a lot like what people complained about in the beginning – rather than answer one mystery, she posed several other ridiculous mysteries and solved a grand total of 0 of them in the books I read). Basically? I should not have kept the torture going beyond the first book. Live and learn. -_-

  • Dacia E.

    On point:

    1. “fighting over who gets to eat it or fuck it or whatever” (literally LOL)
    2. the conversation regarding the medical inaccuracy of this chapter. blinking during cardiac arrest is not a thing that happens.
    3. Kirsten’s winged eyeliner and Mari’s EYEBROWS – I tried to do my own last week and now it looks like a sentient weed whacker tried to recreate the late 90’s brow

  • Alicia

    Oh yes, her being tortured from the inside and having to drink blood, everyone kind of freaking out over what was going to come for her, yeahhh that sounds ideal and romantic and happy. I totally want my life to be like that. I’m so jealous.

    Of course it’s her fault because she bent over to pick up a cup and not the baby’s fault for snapping her ribs from the inside. Hell it’s not even Edward’s fault for giving her this thing inside of her in the first place. Because his sperm is dead, so this shouldn’t be happening. Jacob must have made a sneak appearance on their honeymoon at some point.

    “Get the baby out right now before it dies” uh Bella I don’t think it’s the baby you gotta worry about dear. CONSIDERING YOU’RE ON THE FUCKING VERGE OF DYING YOURSELF.

    Bella is shocked that her baby isn’t a boy because she’s shocked that her prophetic dreams didn’t get one thing right. I’m shocked too, Bella. And if Edward mentally skyped it in the womb he should have been able to tell the gender and oh I don’t know it’s hard to try and make sense out of this.

    I’m sorry but a newborn baby shouldn’t be smiling back nor should it have a full set of teeth, that’s just fucking creepy.

    Okay, so brain activity can occur from 5 to 10 minutes after death. The brain tissue starts dyings after about five minutes of oxygen starvation. However, once Bella’s heart stopped beating, her soul or whatever should have exited her body. The brain activity is just the body’s after death functions, there is no way that she should have been able to consciously hear and interpret everything even after her heart stopped beating. But then Eddie injects his venom into her and she has to talk about the burning pain for 100 pages.

    So..she counts Edward’s breaths? Edward even told her that vampires don’t need to breathe, since their lungs don’t work like normal human lungs, they only “pretend” to breathe when they are around humans. That’s Meyer failing at keeping her own plotline straight, again. If vampire lungs don’t work like human lungs, how can male vampire penises work like human male penises?

    Of course Bella’s going to be totally fine, because she’s got main character status and can’t die. Plus Meyer probably doesn’t want to put Eddie through more “pain” than he is already going through by letting Bella die.

    And yeah, the way they kept saying her corpse was hot, was really effing weird. Because a vampire is an undead human. Undead humans shouldn’t be hot. I don’t understand why they suddenly are.

    Bella finds that baseball isn’t interesting enough to listen to for something to distract her from the pain so she goes back to listening to Edward’s fake breathing. Okay, then.

  • The Bad Slayer
    • Jamie Miller

      That’s the question of the century.